Chapter 8

Winter Break 1994-1995

Hermione's room felt like another world to her, she felt like a guest rather than the occupant of the space. Had she really changed so much since the last time she had been home prior to the start of the term? Her room seemed like it belonged to a little girl, a child, not who she was now.

Lying back on her fluffy star shaped pillow, she stared at the ceiling, wishing that she had gotten some of those glow in the dark stars that one of her muggle friends had told her about. She could have put Draco's constellation up and it would almost be like he was there. She closed her eyes and imagined his face, his touch, his kisses. That immediately led to her thinking of Theo's hand holding hers, his sincere eyes, the way his curls fell into his face.

She had never felt so lonely before. As an only child who had been a bit of a surprise to her older parents–so all their friends' children were much older than she was – she had always been alone, but this was different. Twin sparks lived under her heart and she longed for the boys that they belonged to. Her last view of them on the train platform ran through her mind again and again. Draco sneaking a look at her over his mother's shoulder and Theo disappearing into the care of a house elf, his quick wink before he vanished in a pop of disapparation stealing her breath for a moment.

It felt as though part of her was missing maybe, or so distant that she couldn't reach it. It was painful–never before had she longed for anyone, content with the company of books. She'd missed Ron and Harry, but she'd never felt this, this feeling of emptiness and desperately wanting to be with them. With Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott. Hermione pulled the star shaped pillow and held it over her face to muffle her scream, she must be losing her mind.

It was frustrating to not even be able to send them an owl because that would not be an appropriate thing for her to do. It would be foolish, dangerous. They would be upset with her. She listed the reasons again and again in her head, wishing there was some alternate way that she could communicate with them. If only they had telephones.

Unable to sleep, Hermione laid in bed stewing in the myriad feelings that seemed to be overwhelming her very blood. It was nearly dawn before her body finally gave way to exhaustion and she drifted off to dreams of silver and sapphire eyes as precious as their owners.

...

In the morning when she finally woke up, Hermione decided that she had had enough of stewing in her own misery and needed to do something about this. Based on how she's been feeling, there had to be something to this whole soulmate thing. Therefore she needed to do what she did best: research.

The conundrum, of course, is where exactly to do said research.

Hermione was sure that there are magical public libraries in London, but she had no idea where nor how to access them. Sitting on her bed, she tapped her finger on her cheek until a realisation struck her like a lightning bolt.

Grimmauld Place had a library.

She dashed off a note to Remus, knowing that he was likely to be at Grimmauld with Sirius.

Professor Lupin,

I would like to do some research and reading over the holiday, would it be alright if I came to use the library? I promise to not be a bother.

Hermione J. Granger

Significantly quicker than she had imagined, her little spotted owl returned with a short note that was decidedly not in Remus' handwriting, which she was quite familiar with as his former pupil.

Of Course.

Hermione couldn't help but smile at the quick response. She imagined being forced to hide in the family residence that he had escaped as a boy was not a particularly pleasant situation for Sirius Black.

A second missive appeared shortly after with another owl and it stood about after she untied the note, clearly waiting for a response from her.

Hermione,

Of course, dear girl. Please come. It would be lovely to have your company. Will you be staying the day? Shall I fix up a guest room for you in case your research takes longer? The library is quite extensive. Please advise.

Remus Lupin

She sat and considered her options for a bit and wondered what the best strategy was for being allowed to go and stay the night. The chance to have an extensive look around the Black family library was exciting on its own accord, but the chance to get answers to some of the questions that she had burning inside of herself was simply thrilling.

Her parents were extremely uninvolved in what she did during the Holiday. She decided she would stay at Grimmauld Place for a couple of days because her parents were still working.

Hermione broached the topic with her mother as though it was no big deal in hopes that it would slide under the radar without too many questions.

"Mum, if it's alright I'm gonna go visit Harry. He's at his uncle's house and I thought I'd stay for a couple of days while you guys are still working. I know it would be really convenient for you if I kept myself busy for a few days."

Her mother smiled, "Oh, Hermione, you're so thoughtful. I was worried about keeping you entertained."

And Hermione smiled back, "Please don't worry about me, Mum. I can keep myself busy. I can always stay at Hogwarts over the holidays if you need me to at some point."

As Hermione rode the tube, she wondered what her parents would think if they knew that she was off to spend two days with the only gay Wizarding couple that she knew, well, besides Draco and Theo, but they weren't gay exactly were they?

As Hermione walked down the posh street where Grimmauld Place was situated, she wondered how on earth she was going to get in. There was a spell hiding the place after all. Remus surprised her by being outside on the stoop with a cane.

Oh, it was a few days after the full moon wasn't it? He must be sore, she thought.

"Miss Granger," her old professor said, "What a pleasure to see you, won't you come in with me?"

"I'd love to, Professor."

Suddenly the building behind them expanded and an entirely new door along with a townhouse appeared. The street wasn't terribly busy; there were a few muggles about, but none of them seemed to realise that anything out of the ordinary was occurring.

Remus opened the door that now appeared behind him and Hermione followed him inside.

Sirius was nearly jumping with excitement when she entered. As he took her coat and asked if she'd like tea, Hermione was struck with the cruelty of him being forced to stay inside because of his unjust Azkaban sentence.

Remus gave Sirius a light kiss on the cheek, "I'm going to run some errands and then I'll grab take away and see you both in a few hours. Hermione, is curry fine with you?"

"Sounds grand," Hermione smiled. Remus nodded and was off, leaving Hermione alone with the older animagus.

"Thank you for having me over to your lovely home, Sirius." The place was dark and dusty. The sense of dark magic hung in the air and made her skin itch.

"Nonsense, Hermione. This place is many things, but lovely is not one of them. Now how about that tea?" Sirius was dressed so much more formally than the last time she had seen him. Velvet waistcoat, watch fob, cravat. He looked like a 19th century lord. Well he is still Lord Black isn't he? Even if he was on the run.

"Can I take it in the library?" she asked, failing at her attempt to be patient to see the books.

Smiling, Sirius led her into the library; it was a dark, gloomy space that made the rest of the house look bright and cheery in comparison.

"A good chunk of the books are on chains because they try to fight you and harm you in other ways," Sirius pointed out an entire shelf of books. "I have separated these out. This whole shelf is not safe for you to touch because they're spelled to only be able to be read by Purebloods. I would turn them over to the Ministry for curse breaking or destruction, but something like that would attract a lot of attention."

Hermione's eyes widened as she looked at the shelf in question. "Thank you for the warning." Hopefully, none of the information she was seeking was in those volumes.

"Assuming that you're here researching the Triwizard Tournament," Sirius said, "I have found a couple of books already about that and I have them on the table for you."

Hermione made some noises of appreciation. "Oh, thank you so much. I'm also looking for a few other things. If you wouldn't mind, I'd love to browse the titles."

"Certainly not," Sirius smiled kindly, excusing himself. "I'll go make that pot of tea."

Hermione surreptitiously pulled out the cheesy soulmate romance novel that she had gotten from Lavender. The couple clenched in an erotic embrace on the cover made her blush, but it had the bibliography in the back of more serious books about soulmates. Hermione bent the page over so that she could look at it while she looked over the shelves. After a few minutes, she wasn't able to find anything.

So she began to utilise the "Accio" charm and two of the older books on the list flew to her hand, Proper Selection, a Guide to Magics of the Soul (1854) and The Ties that Bind Us, A Memoir in Soul & Blood (1890). When she realised where on the shelf they had come from she found another that looked promising, De Comus Animae by Papus (1891). Her Latin translation charm would come in handy; with a wave of her wand, the cover read On Soul Mates.

She took those three over to her designated study table as well as a book on the history of the family of the Dagworth-Grangers that had caught her eye. She'd been asked if she was a member of that family often enough, she couldn't deny that she was curious.

Sirius bustled in shortly after with a tea tray. He joined her with a smile and poured tea for the two of them.

Hermione drank her tea, nervously wondering if he would ask her about the book titles in front of her; she hadn't had time to hide any of them before he popped back in. He raised his eyebrow at the Latin title, but carried on drinking his tea without comment.

"Do you mind if I sit in here with you, Kitten?" Sirius asked. And Hermione was struck again by how lonely he must be. How could she complain about him sitting in his own library when he was letting her read these priceless books?

"Of course not," Hermione smiled, "I'm going to be reading though, if that's alright?"

"In fact, I have my own reading to do," Sirius smiled, summoning a book titled Blood Wards in Theory and Practice. Hermione barely contained the questions that the title stirred in her curious mind. She turned back to her own book stack and the two of them read in companionable silence until Remus called them for dinner.

On the way into the dining room, they passed the Black Family tapestry and she noticed a familiar sneer. She covertly ran a finger over a pale cheek and wondered if the magic in the tapestry would let him feel her regard. She rather hoped it would.

Their dinner conversation had been lively with both of the men taking turns telling amusing anecdotes of their childhood and Hogwarts days. Hermione noticed neither mentioned the last twelve years. She shared some stories from first and second year that had Remus looking shocked and Sirius laughing uproariously. The small ways the two older men showed affection were so subtle, but rather moving, a held hand here, a kiss on the temple there. Her parents were certainly nothing like that. Hermione hoped that when she was older that that was the kind of easy affection she received.

When it was time to turn in, Sirius provided her with several candles when he took her to a guest bedroom and wished her good reading rather than good night.

It felt strange to be more understood by a gay wizard couple than by her own parents, but Hermione found herself wishing that she could visit here more often. She'd been missing Theo and Draco, but she had not felt alone like she had at her parents'.

She stayed up reading until she ran out of candles and fell asleep with the books open on the bed around her.

In the morning, quiet as can be, Sirius Black let himself in and looked at what pages she'd been marking and what notes she had taken, nodded thoughtfully and then let himself back out again, careful not to wake the sleeping witch.

...

The books borrowed from the Black Library were tucked into the bottom of her bag. Kreacher had called her a filthy Mudblood thief when she'd been packing the books into her knapsack the next morning. Sirius had had to grab the vitriolic little creature by the ear and banish him to his cupboard to make the tirade stop. He'd almost begged her to come visit again soon. Remus put his arm around Sirius' shoulder as she bid them goodbye and went out into the damp London morning.

If she'd known how little time her parents were going to be able to make for her, then she would have stayed longer with Sirius and Remus. Regret burned in her belly like a coal. She'd write once she got back to school.

...

Early January 1995

As she rode on the train, in the compartment with Ron, Harry, and Ginny, she could feel them. It wasn't the weak tingle she'd felt over winter break when they both must have been so far from her in London. She knew Malfoy Manor was in Wiltshire, but she had no idea where Theo lived. Was it Nott Manor? Nott Castle? The answer had probably been in Sirius' family library if she had thought to look then.

Paying attention to the insignificant conversations of her friends was nearly impossible. She struggled not to go searching for them. They were probably together, but they were certainly with other Slytherins. They wouldn't want people seeing them speak together, let alone do any of the other things that she had thought about doing every night as she laid in bed over the entire break.

It felt as though there was a cord tugging on her. She supposed from her reading that this was the bond, because it was unsettled.

When they disembarked the train for the horseless carriages, she desperately wanted to look around for them, but she had only craned her neck a little bit when Ron yelled, "Oi 'Mione, who are you looking for?" And after a stuttered denial, she looked straight ahead even though she could feel eyes on her back as she walked.

The Great Hall was crowded as always, even more so because of the students from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons and people were rambunctious about the return to school.

As subtle as she could, Hermione chose a seat facing the Slytherin table for a change. Ron and Harry looked at her oddly, but sat in their accustomed place across from her. She watched Theo and Draco sit next to each other where they would also be able to see her. Was that always where they sat? She wondered, but noted no one seemed to be saying anything to them about it.

Hermione caught Theo's eyes, causing the brunette to smirk. Had they been watching her eat all year? Quicksilver eyes searched her face and then turned elsewhere when she nearly met them. The longing that had been in her chest felt tripled; was she feeling what they felt? Her research had said that that could happen. Hermione gripped her knees in order to keep from running over there, because it was physically painful for her to be so close but unable to touch them.

She attempted and failed to pay attention to Ron complaining about some gift he had wanted and hadn't gotten. His whining was even more irritating than usual, so instead she made noises in the appropriate places while casting her eyes towards the two snakes who were also sneaking glances in her direction.

She watched as they touched each other a dozen subtle ways, no one seeming to comment on the casual way they interacted. Theo reached over Draco, their arms grazing each other. Their shoulders were touching and she would bet her copy of Hogwarts a History that their legs were touching too. She'd give anything to be at that table between them, feeling their bodies pressed against her own.

Harry happened to look up and noticed one of the moments when Draco looked at Hermione.

"That stupid git, what is he looking over here for?" Harry asked, glaring in Draco's direction. Ron said something probably disparaging, but his mouth was so full of food that Hermione could not tell what it was.

"You haven't said hardly anything about your holiday," Ginny said as she caught the other girl's eyes. "Was everything alright?"

"I went and borrowed some books from a friend and then spent the rest of the time reading. My parents were only supposed to work a few more days and then have the rest of the time off, but some long-time clients had dental emergencies and they ended up working more days than they had meant to. Then we simply ran out of time to go away. Nothing too exciting."

Ginny looked at her sympathetically, "I was sorry we couldn't have you to the Burrow this year, but you know how Mum can be."

"It's fine Gin, really." Hermione smiled, "I didn't mind a bit of peace and quiet."

Ginny laughed, "Merlin knows we didn't get much peace at the Burrow. Even Charlie and Bill were here this year, so it was positively packed."

Hermione was still chatting with Ginny about the Burrow's busy Christmas when they got up to head back to Gryffindor Tower. Ginny was a good friend Hermione realised. She wished she could share with her what was going on, but even if Ginny understood Ron and Harry never would. Things needed to stay a secret.

As they exited the Great Hall, Hermione let out a grunt as two people bumped into her. The impact startled her at first; as she realised it was who it was, she wished she hadn't made a sound. Draco's fingers slid across her wrist for only a moment. The back of Theo's hand grazed over the tiny sliver of skin where her shirt and skirt had gotten askew. It all happened faster than a breath.

Unfortunately, her noise had drawn the wrong sort of attention and Ron turned red-faced to snarl "Shove off Malfoy," His temper and his volume started to rise, "keep your hands off Hermione, you ferrety git."

Hermione knew that all he noticed was the push that they had used to disguise the other touches, because he would have been even more irate.

"Calm down," Hermione pleaded, "it's alright, Ron. It was an accident."

At her words, Draco turned and sneered at her and Theo shoved him away from Ron, giving the redhead a look of utter disgust. When Ron put his hand on her arm, Hermione nearly gave him the same look. She felt as though she wanted to vomit. She shook his hand off and then walked off toward the tower without looking back at him.

Ron touching her made her feel sick. She hadn't had the same reaction to Harry hugging her on the train platform.

She was so lost in thought, she didn't notice mercury and ocean eyes watching her from an alcove until she disappeared up the ever-changing staircases.

...

The next morning the notes started.

You looked fetching last night - D

Did you have a nice Christmas? - T

She could feel that the paper was charmed. To return to its original owner perhaps?

Thank you and yes, I spent a lot of it reading.

She wondered whether she should write anymore and then finally decided that the best course of action was to put herself out there.

I missed you both. - H

The paper disappeared from her hands the moment she finished writing the H. She cringed at the sense of loss she felt. She would have liked to have kept a slip of paper where Draco said she looked fetching. But how on Earth would she have hidden such a thing from her nosy roommates, especially if she wanted to pull it out and run her fingers over his elegant script. Theo's handwriting was also nice, but Draco's looked like he had had a calligraphy tutor.

Later that morning, she had Potions with the Slytherins and her breath caught at the magnetic pull that she felt to sit between them. How easy it would be, her instincts told her, to just pull up a chair and slide between them. Instead, she walked to her usual place between Harry and Ron. She could feel their eyes on the back of her neck like a caress.

When she left Potions, she found a note in her textbook.

I love watching your hands work. I can not wait till we can touch each other again, without an audience. - D

What did you read over hols? Go anywhere exciting? Hearing your voice today made me so happy, please answer all of the questions in Runes today. - T

Both of their words made her hot and tingly in different ways. What should she say back to them? It was hard to decide. She decided to just go with it.

Any idea when that might be able to happen?

Some books on soulmates and the Dagworth-Granger genealogy. It was very edifying. I visited a family magical library. I never wanted to leave. I'll see what I can do in Runes. Can we meet soon? - H

The note was back in her hands almost immediately. She didn't realise that the charmed paper could do that.

Come and Go Room. Tonight 8pm.

...

Hermione had carefully snuck out of the Gryffindor common room, even though curfew wasn't for another hour. If anyone noticed she had left and commented later, she would just say that she had needed to go to the library. Everyone would believe that.

Good old reliable Hermione, always needing a book. She snorted, but she knew that's how everyone in Gryffindor perceived her. She wondered, not for the first time, if she shouldn't have been in Ravenclaw.

She couldn't even imagine what the other Gryffindors would say if they knew that she was sneaking around to meet not one but two Slytherins, hopefully to snog them both senseless. She was pretty sure that it wouldn't be anything good or repeatable in polite company.

She knocked carefully on the part of the wall that she knew the door ought to be and she stood there awkwardly for a moment wondering whether she should give up, whether this was ridiculous. Then the door opened and two male hands yanked her inside.

The three of them couldn't keep their hands off of each other, but it was as though their knees ceased to work and they sank to the floor. Hands in hair, hands on skin, lips on skin, they were teenage desperation made flesh. Their kisses lacked a mature passion, but they were all soothed to be in one another's company again.

Hermione could feel the insistent throb of the soulbond lessen as they kissed and embraced and stroked one another's hair. And if she couldn't have told you whose lips were on her ear, and who kissed her throat, she did know that Draco was the one whispering to her in French and Theo was the one who didn't stop smiling, not even to kiss her. Each kiss from him was drenched in overflowing joy. She didn't think she'd ever seen Theo Nott so happy.

When they finally had gotten enough of kissing, Theo whispered, "So tell me about what you've been reading."

Hermione grinned at him, "Gladly. I raided the library at Draco's cousin's house. That's why the secrecy."

"The family magical library you visited was the Black Library?" Draco looked at her from where his head was leaning on Theo's shoulder, his fingers intertwined with hers. "How on earth did you…my cousin…Sirius Black? The one who escaped from Azkaban? Isn't he dangerous Granger? I thought he murdered a dozen muggles?"

"He never even got a trial, but I know that it wasn't him. One of the Death Eaters, Peter Pettigrew, set him up," Hermione willed Draco to believe her, and was satisfied when he nodded.

"I wish I could tell mother," Draco said thoughtfully, "they were very close once upon a time. She was distraught when he escaped."

Hermione had trouble imagining the collected Narcissa Malfoy distraught, but she just nodded, "But that wasn't even the best part! I got to see this fantastic tapestry with a very good likeness of your most prattish sneer."

Theo laughed uproariously at that. "Sweet Salazar, what I would give to see that! Those old family tapestries are so unflattering. I would never want you to see the portrait of me on the one at Nott Manor. It's frankly terrifying."

Draco chuckled in agreement, "Looks nothing like Theo at all, I think it's a werewolf cub."

"Perhaps proof that I was switched at birth," Theo joked.

Hermione felt so content there with the two of them. What she wouldn't give to be like this always. She let their laughter and conversation wash over her and wished for forever.

...

February 24, 1995

Draco was freezing, the warming charms did not seem to be cutting it this morning. He didn't know what he was doing wrong. The coldness seemed to be inside of him, hopefully he wasn't getting ill. His father was behind him so he needed to keep himself under control as much as possible, but he couldn't help looking for Granger. Where was she? Potter seemed to be very upset along with the other champions when Draco looked through the Omnioculars. What could be wrong? Something was clearly wrong.

Theo shivered next to him, as though the cold was bothering him as well.

"Father," Draco asked as blandly as possible, "What exactly is the point of the second task? Are we to watch Potter drown for our entertainment?"

"Hardly, Draco. Something has been taken that matters to each of the participants and they have to reclaim it. We'll see how Potter does, perhaps he shall drown." Lucius Malfoy laughed coldly, and Draco couldn't seem to shake the chill from within him.

Something that matters. Something that matters.

Draco looked again at the champions with the omnioculars and then handed them over to Theo.

His mind was racing.

No Granger. No Weaselbee. No sign of Delacour's little sister.

Something that matters. Something that matters.

Suddenly, the cold that seemed inside of him settled in his heart and he felt his stomach plummet. Granger. Granger was under the lake. She was in danger, this couldn't be happening. She was his, theirs. Potter and Krum had no right to lay claim to her in such a way. Gods if only she was a Pureblood and already had his and Theo's jewellery. He'd burn the Ministry to the ground over this if he could.

Draco met Theo's eyes and discovered that the same terror had settled inside him. The urge to scream his fury was pounding inside Draco like a staccato drum beat and before he could give in, Theo reached over and grabbed his hand, grounding him. Theo squeezed tightly and Draco tried to force down his fear and anger.

She had to be alright. She just had to. Hermione…Please be alright.

...