Avocados
"Love."
.
Capturing the three-tailed had been easy, in spite of Tobi messing around during the whole operation. He did find their target, which saved them a lot of precious time searching for it, so Deidara went lax on him. He mused on the possibility of Tobi secretly had enough strength to take-out Isobu on his own. It was why he made Tobi try and catch it. It seemed the man was adamant on not letting his identity be known, because Tobi had made the biggest fool of himself yet again.
Something inside him was cracking. Whatever the feeling was, he couldn't put a name on it. What he did know, he didn't like. He was starting to obsess over Tobi. Even he could see that. No matter how hard he tried to fight it, his thoughts would always drift back to his partner. It was never like this before. A year ago, nothing was on his mind more than his artwork. Now his drive was directed towards something so... so... frustrating.
Every time Tobi stopped moving, Deidara's eye would latch onto him. Usually Tobi was prancing around like a rabbit, so when he stilled or went quiet, Deidara was left speculating. Sometimes he caught Tobi staring off into the distance, other times right at him. Whenever Tobi said absolutely anything, Deidara was dissecting every last syllable down to the finest detail. Which Tobi was speaking? Why would he say that? Was there a hidden meaning? Were all questions that raced through his head during their conversations. And when Tobi occasionally disappeared at odd hours in the night, Deidara wasn't able to fall back asleep until he returned a few hours later. Where did he go? How did he vanish without a trace? Deidara wanted to follow him, but forced himself not to because he really shouldn't care.
This wasn't the same feeling someone got when they were afraid they were about to be betrayed. What had Tobi said in the cave? Something about trust. It had been some time since then. Before that night, he had been able to trust Tobi to follow him around like a lost puppy. After thinking about it more, he was starting to think he could still could. Tobi had trusted Deidara of all people with crucial information. That had to mean Tobi really did trust him and wasn't playing around. He was still following Deidara around like a lost puppy.
And Deidara liked it.
He really, really did. Because knowing Tobi was skilled and patient enough to fool nearly the entire Akatsuki, including Deidara, without a genjutsu of any kind, was admirable. Deidara got the sense that Tobi was leagues ahead of him – though he swore he would prove against that in a future spar – if not because of technique, but because of his association with the Akatsuki leader. Pein and Tobi were either conspiring together, against each other, or for each other. Pein wouldn't waste his time with weaklings. Every member in the Akatsuki had a purpose. There had to be a reason why Pein let Tobi act completely useless despite knowing he wasn't. Tobi had even refused to talk about his abilities or strength. If that wasn't suspicious, what was?
Tobi had brought up the Sharingan and Rinnegan earlier, so completely out of the blue, Deidara was positive something was up. If his partner hadn't been tormenting his thoughts day in and day out, Deidara would have thought nothing of the discussion. Tobi also mentioned something that had been ringing in his head for a while. Behind closed doors, was it possible for him to be the Akatsuki leader? Maybe Tobi was stronger than he initially appeared to be, but Deidara didn't think anyone was stronger than Pein. The Rinnegan was powerful enough to keep ten S-ranked nin in line, all at once. Even if Tobi had the Sharingan, there was no way Pein would kiss his feet. He stored the information in the back of his mind, until he got more information. It was apparent he had no choice but to put together pieces of a black puzzle, with half the board missing.
Of what he did know of Tobi's kekkei genkai, he acknowledged. It was no explosion, but the man was untouchable, and that had to count for something. Imagine the number of lives Tobi could take, and walk away without a scratch. Compared to Deidara's sensitive long-range fighting style, Tobi could enter close-combat without fear of anything. There would be nothing holding him back.
Deidara wasn't blind. None of the other Akatsuki members respected his artwork, not for what it truly was. Even Master Sasori looked down on it, despite being a fellow artist. On the other hand, Tobi not only appreciated his work, but Deidara himself as well. Having someone obscure like Tobi pay special attention to him was mind blowing. It was irritating of course, being thrown into some dark plot that had very little to do with explosives and too much to do with secrecy.
Tobi would confess his admiration for Deidara countless of times. His words didn't really mean anything back then, because Tobi loved everything. It was recently, when Tobi had admitted he enjoyed spending time him, that Deidara took the words to heart. Now, Tobi was aware that Deidara knew how Tobi was Tobi, and anything spoken between them suddenly mattered.
Except, Deidara held trepidation. If Tobi was so good at his facade, didn't that mean he could also easily pretend to respect Deidara as well? It was probable. Maybe the real Tobi wanted to get on his good side, fool him into lowering his guard, just so Deidara come to depend on the other.
This was all giving him a headache. Tobi wouldn't get out of his head and Deidara had better things to think about.
"Hey, Tobi!" Deidara called out. His partner was crouched low, busy staring at some bug in the grass some feet away. He looked ridiculous.
Tobi's head snapped up, "Yes, senpai?!"
"Come here, hm," Deidara waved him over. It was nearing sunset and they still had to find a place to camp.
Tobi scurried to him, then slowed down as he saw the expression on his face. Deidara must have looked hostile or irritated, so he relaxed his eyes. This only seemed to make it worse because Tobi took a few steps back, "Oh please, I swear it wasn't me. I didn't do it, I promise! It was Hidan – wait, no, he's dead – it was Kisame! It's all his fault!"
"Shut up, hm. Nothings wrong," Deidara rose both his brows, "Is there?"
Tobi waved his hands frantically, "Haha, no, definitely not. What could senpai ever be talking about? Ha. Haha."
"Good. We need to – ."
Tobi shushed him, "Shh! Do you hear that?"
Deidara paused, listening carefully. He did hear something, like the sound of a crowd in the distance.
"Maybe there's a village! With a festival! We can eat hotcakes and find a hot spring! I can't wait until we get to sleep in a warm bed," Tobi exclaimed, bouncing on his feet, "Let's go check it out!"
"Hold on. We don't know if it's a village...! Or not. Hm."
Tobi had already disappeared, leaving nothing but dust behind him.
Deidara sighed. Tobi must have forgotten about the incident at the last inn. He'd have to warn him to take off his cloak before stepping into another one. Warm food and a bath did sound nice though. Keeping his hopes up, Deidara followed Tobi, heading in the direction the man sprinted off too.
As it turns out, they were in luck. It was a small village. The town was somewhat sizeable, meaning there would be more shinobi around. Deidara had to bluntly break it down to him that they wouldn't be sleeping here, completely apathetic to the crushed reaction and Tobi's tears.
"It's risky to stay here long, hm," Deidara explained to the grown man acting like an utter child, "Someone will eventually recognize us and if they do, we'll be followed once we leave. But we probably have enough time to eat before we go, hm."
The village was especially noisy this evening, and it wasn't because there was a festival like Tobi had predicted. There were just a lot of bars and shops set up in the open outdoors. The streets were bustling with life, and with the pink skies, brought about a very pretty picture. Deidara smiled, despite himself. These were the sorts of places he liked to visit from time to time. Maybe he'd come back here one day.
The moment was ruined when Tobi grabbed his arm. He was dragged from shop to shop, until one really caught Tobi's eye. Deidara let himself be pulled into an izakaya.
"You plan on drinking? Hm," Deidara was skeptic. Tobi never ate where people could see him. It'd be near impossible for him to lift up his mask in this cramped place. Adding sake to the mix would only mean trouble.
Tobi nodded enthusiastically, "It'll be my first time!"
Deidara had to do a double-take, "What?!"
Having already entered the building, several head turned Deidara's way at the commotion. He paid them no attention.
"You're not a minor, are you?" Deidara asked, blatantly ignoring how he began drinking when he was underage. Compared to some of the other laws he'd broken, it didn't really compete. He didn't know how old Tobi was, and always assumed he was older, but now he was unsure. The man was untarnished? Deidara was surprised.
"Nope!"
Ah, good. Deidara wouldn't feel guilty. He was curious about something though, so he asked, "How old are you, anyways? Hm."
"Huh. I can't remember, senpai."
They sat down at a booth near the back. A group of sleazy looking civilians were in the booth across from theirs. They smelled pungent and looked weak. Deidara bet they were discussing greedy deals to fill up their pockets. As annoying as it was having people listen in to his conversations, Deidara was more concerned about Tobi, who would have a hard time popping his cherry so to speak, in their presence. The man had always been self-conscious about taking off his mask in public.
Smirking, Deidara locked eyes with one of the civilians and brushed his hair out of his face. He saw the old geezer's eyes latch onto his slashed hitai-ate, then to the mouth on the palm of his hand, and then onto Tobi. It was clear that the lot of them were no match against two rogue shinobi. They were also too shady to cause a scene, which would likely bring unwanted attention to them. Deidara watched in satisfaction as the man whispered something to a woman with a cigar between her lips. Soon they all got up and walked out.
The other patrons thankfully either didn't notice or care.
"Guess your age, hm," Deidara was seated across from Tobi. He leaned his cheek on his hand, trying to stare down his partner. Tobi's arms were somewhere under the table, probably on his lap.
You know, Tobi had really good posture. At least when it was just the two of them. Tobi slouched a lot around other people, so Deidara blamed it on Tobi trying to impress his senpai.
"Older than you for sure," Tobi said after a moment, "I was way taller than you when you first joined the organization."
A pause.
Deidara knew what was coming, "Don't say it – !"
"Hold on. I still am taller than you! You're just really short, senpai!" Tobi saw his red face and assured, "It's nothing to be ashamed of! Your small stature makes you look especially cute. Oh but not as cute as me, of course."
He counted to ten, then let out slowly, "There's only one thing stopping me from separating your legs from the rest of you. Hm."
"Is it my dashing good looks?"
Tobi was rewarded with a blank stare.
A waitress came and took their order. Before Tobi could open his mouth and order the entire menu, Deidara got them some fish and sake to share. It was important to try and save money since they completed their main objective. They wouldn't be sent on many more missions from this point forward. Even so, he figured it wouldn't hurt to treat themselves to some cheap sake to compensate for their hard work.
When the woman walked away, he continued the conversation, "I'm mostly curious. You act inebriated when you're sober. I wonder if you'll be sensible when you're flat out smashed, hm."
"Tobi doesn't plan on drinking that much, senpai," Tobi then waggled his finger, "It won't be safe. How will I protect you if we get ambushed again? Our strength will be significantly weaker."
Remembering how useful a sober Tobi was, he scowled, "I doubt there'd be a difference, hm."
A different waiter arrived, carrying a flask and two small cups. Tobi stopped him before he walked away, "Wait, wait! Can you please bring me a straw?"
The waiter nodded and returned quickly, handing Tobi what he was looking for.
He couldn't stop the grimace from forming on his lips. Tobi was going to drink his sake with a straw? He wouldn't get a chance to really taste the flavour. Deidara thought about it for a moment. Then again, it would make the man more comfortable. Tobi wouldn't have to take off his mask, only lift it the slightest to get the straw under.
Deidara poured a bit into both of their cups and placed the flask back on the table. Tobi was going to go first.
"Ahaa senpai, you're making me nervous," Tobi fumbled with the straw.
He crossed his arms, "Drink, hm."
When Tobi reached for his mask, Deidara's heart started beating faster. Even though Tobi only slipped the straw under carefully, it was enough to make him feel funny. Deidara shook it off. It was clear Tobi wouldn't ever reveal his face, not if there was a secretive, darker shinobi under the mask. That didn't stop Deidara from wanting. Intentionally or not, Tobi was a tease.
The straw was translucent, so Deidara could see the drink slowly rise up as Tobi sucked. It was strangely gratifying to watch, and not because he was breaking or defiling Tobi's innocence or anything like that. It just felt good being able to introduce a fresh experience to someone who needed it. Deidara nodded.
Okay, he was lying to himself; corrupting Tobi was definitely entertaining.
He waited until Tobi's cup was empty before he sipped on his own. The drink too sweet on his tongue burned down his throat.
After a minute or two, Deidara broke the silence, "So, how do you feel? Hm."
"It tastes bitter," Tobi's straw was still dangling from under the mask, and it moved with every word, "And I feel... tingly."
Already feeling at ease, he couldn't stop himself from cracking up. The straw, the confusion, and someone help him, how Tobi's vocab included the word tingly! Kami, this man was serious! How did Tobi pretend to be Tobi without losing it?!
"Dei-dei-chan-senpai! You're laughing at me!"
"No, no. Haha – ! Here have some more, hm," he was still chuckling as he poured Tobi and himself another set.
Both of them finished theirs at the same time, and just as their meal arrived. Avocados were sliced and served on the side with the fried seafood. He loved complex fruits like avocado's and tomatoes. They tasted like vegetables, but weren't. Avocado's weren't excessively sweet or sour, either. When they were good to eat, they were soft and filling. He didn't realize how hungry he was until he smelled the food. Deidara dug in, but noticed Tobi hadn't even touched his share.
Deidara pointed his chopsticks at him, "Take some with you on the way out then, hm."
"Yes, sir! Can I have more sake?" Tobi didn't wait for a response, eagerly pouring himself another glass.
By the time he finished his share of the fish, Deidara was amused to see Tobi had gone through half the bottle by himself. Deidara had a total of five drinks, while Tobi had somewhere around twelve. First-timers were all lightweights.
His assumptions had been correct. Tobi got quieter and quieter as the night passed on. The man was naturally a loud one, or at least he appeared to be. So it was disturbing, seeing him like this.
Grabbing his hand, Deidara stopped him before he could grab the sake again. He smirked, "I don't think your liver will appreciate anymore."
Tobi nodded, not saying anything. The air around Tobi felt really sad.
Deidara sighed. It really was like taking care of a toddler. Now he had to comfort him like a mother would to her crying child.
"Come on, let's go find a place to camp for the night, hm," Deidara pulled Tobi up, who wobbled dangerously. Deidara asked for a carry-out tray, and tossed a few coins on the table.
They were walking down the streets, which had grown even livelier since they arrived. One hand was lugging a bag with Tobi's food and his other arm was wrapped around Tobi's waist. The masked nin was wrecked. Deidara was a bit woozy himself, and having Tobi lean against him wasn't helping at all. The man wasn't just tall, he was really heavy too. Deidara had to throw his weight back against him as they walked, otherwise they'd both topple to the ground.
"Mm, senpai, I'm so happy I met you. You're magnificent," Tobi mumbled into his ear, voice gruff and a bit slurred.
Deidara gripped the bag tighter, "Yeah, hm. You too, you're alright."
If he was blushing, he blamed the alcohol. Tobi, in all his sappy, affectionate glory, really didn't have a filter. It wasn't a good combination. Deidara wondered if his other self was like this too. Was this the other Tobi? Deidara didn't think Tobi could keep up his act if he wasn't sober. Fucking hell, especially after a dozen drinks. It would explain why Tobi never had sake before. Let's say Tobi wasn't an act, if there was a whole other person sharing Tobi's body... would he come out?
The sound of music grabbed said man's attention. Tobi separated himself from Deidara to stare at the commotion ahead of them. Tables, food, lamps, and other decorations had been set up. It looked like some sort of celebration. It couldn't have been a wedding. Everyone was dressed down and there weren't flowers anywhere. Upbeat music was playing from small speakers, and people were dancing to the sounds, completely lost in their own world.
He knew what Tobi was going to suggest, and before he could, Deidara deadpanned, "No."
"Let's go all out tonight, ne?" Tobi, never one to listen, latched onto his hand and pulled him towards the party.
Maybe Deidara felt relaxed, for once. That didn't mean he had to like dancing.
Tobi moved to the music the moment he stumbled into the makeshift court, leaving Deidara to watch him make a fool of himself. It was probably best to pretend he wasn't associated with him, despite their matching cloaks.
Something tugged on his sleeve, urging Deidara to look down. There were two kids, a boy and girl, both around the age to begin training as shinobi. They had really similar features, with big eyes and big noses. Siblings?
"You're not from around here," the girl said. She played with her brown hair, looking curious.
The last time Deidara spoke with a kid her age was years ago. He couldn't even remember the last time, or what they looked like. Deidara replied, "Lucky guess. You shouldn't be talking to strangers, hm."
The boy crossed his arms, frowning. He didn't say anything to that, neither did his sister. They probably realized he had a point. They were really tiny. Deidara had forgotten how small kids were.
He asked them, "What's the celebration?"
"It's grandpa's birthday!" they both shouted, clapping their hands.
Deidara looked around one more time. Sure enough, most of the people here were elderly. Birthdays were pointless, if not fatuous. Other than being a marker for one's age, they didn't really serve another purpose. What was the point in celebrating them? Who cared how long you lived, as long as you lived well. But these two children were young and inexperienced. They would eventually grow to their senses. Right now they were too naive to understand sublimity. Kids were morons.
Deidara wasn't hostile every hour of the day, like how he preferred his enemies to believe. Actually... Tobi and Sasori were probably the only two people to have known that. And one of them was dead.
Making conversation with these two brats wasn't that big a deal anyways. So he said, "Tell him we hope he has a good one, hm."
"Thank you! On behalf of grandpa too!" the girl grinned.
Yeah, definitely civilians. Kids training to be shinobi wouldn't waste time perfecting grammar. 'On behalf of'? That sounded like something their grandparents would say.
The boy uncrossed his arms, confused, "We?"
Deidara pointed vaguely to Tobi, "My partner."
The girl went vivid red, stuttering, "Oh. Oh! I-I see. Why aren't you d-dancing with him?"
He didn't know why the girl would be embarrassed. Deidara followed the direction of her gaze. Nevermind, scratch that, he did understand why she was turning red. Deidara blushed himself, horrified, as he saw the moves Tobi pulled.
Was it even physically possible for hips to move that way?
Deidara swallowed loudly, "He's drunk, hm."
He wasn't sure if he was telling the children or if he was trying to tell himself.
The mentioned Akatsuki member waved, bouncing on his feet, as if hearing their conversation over the loud music and distance. Deidara was confident Tobi had an extra set of ears. That, or Tobi was a mind reader, because how else would he have such good timing?
Deidara didn't wave back, but the two kids on either side of him did.
"Don't encourage him, hm," Deidara advised.
The boy shrugged, "He looks lonely."
"Eeh? How come? He has him. I'm sure they spend lots of time together," the girl was pointing at Deidara, but talking to her brother.
"But he's not dancing with him," the boy insisted, "That's a really mean thing to do."
Deidara scowled, "I'm right here, twerp."
"Go dance with your partner!" the girl shoved him, but really, it was more of a tickle to him.
The boy kicked the back of his knee, "He'll find some girl to replace you with!"
"Ow!" Deidara's knee buckled and folded in because the kid knew where to hit. He half-heartedly moved to smack him, "What was that for?!"
Replace him with? What was that supposed to mean? Not to sound full of himself, but Deidara couldn't imagine Tobi replacing him for anybody. Especially for a girl. The thought of Tobi abandoning his 'precious senpai' to hook up with some woman was laughable. It wouldn't happen. Ever. Deidara imagined Tobi in a romantic relationship, but just couldn't see it happening. Like the rest of the members, Tobi was entirely invested in the Akatsuki. Besides that, his personality was too fluttery and innocent for one-night stands.
However, he wasn't sure about the other Tobi. That man was an enigma, dark and intense. They only had one short conversation, but it was enough for someone like Deidara to feel vulnerable. It was a lot easier picturing that Tobi laying a stranger. Was that what Tobi did when he disappeared some nights? It wouldn't surprise him. The idea pissed him off. He didn't know why. Tobi could fuck whoever he wanted. People who weren't enlightened to the euphoria that came with explosions relied on something inferior to entertain them. Deidara never bothered with it. He held a real bang at the palm of his hands – literally.
"Go!" high-pitched voices brought him back to reality. The kids tried to push him. Tried to. Moving a trained shinobi against his will wasn't a simple task.
"You guys are annoying," he said.
Deidara promised himself he wasn't following these brats' orders. Kids were irritating. Tobi wasn't even half as obnoxious as them. It was a shame this town was far too cheerful to destroy.
He left them standing there, walking towards his partner.
Inititialy, his plan had been to grab Tobi so they could finally leave. Instead, Tobi stepped in front of Deidara, swiftly wrapping two arms around his waist. Deidara's head hit Tobi's chest at the force and he dropped the bag of food.
"Tobi," he hissed, pushing against the built chest. Tobi only tightened his hold, and the movement sent a surge of shocks through his body.
Pressed against Tobi's frame like this, he could hear a strong heartbeat. Deidara noted how his head was perfectly aligned with where the man's heart should be.
"Dance with me?" Tobi asked softly, the vibrations from his chest deafening. He wasn't sure if this was Tobi or Tobi.
A mixture of emotions had him look up at the other. The motion was difficult to manage, with Tobi's grip being so tight. The sight had him tremble. A full moon served as a backdrop, haloing him and thickening the darkness in the crevices of the swirly, orange mask. Deidara now had no doubts; Tobi's soul belonged with the night, like his own with the day. Whoever Tobi was, he was dangerous.
Suddenly the song changed, cutting off mid-chorus, snapping him out of his reverie. Deidara saw the two brats next to the speakers, and they gave him the thumbs up.
"Dance," Tobi repeated, his facade a complicated blend between personas. Tobi's hands loosened, moving to settle on both sides of his hips, easing Deidara into light movements.
Now, he wasn't shy, not by any means. It was just that this was Tobi. That, and Deidara never bothered to do anything like this since he was maybe six.
He didn't know why he was letting this happen – it was obvious he wasn't putting up much of a fight. Tobi, however, was not in his right mind; he wouldn't do this without the sake. They were both not-so-sober, but Deidara wasn't that drunk. Maybe this meant he truly didn't mind if Tobi held him like this. Hardened shinobi didn't dance with each other; Akastuki members definitely did not dance with each other. Tonight was verification; they had come to a truce. It was hard to deny it. He was reciprocating what Tobi was offering: recognition, respect, and benevolence. Apparently, they were having a moment of companionship.
Breath shaking, Deidara was too stunned to say anything. There was so much to Tobi that Deidara didn't know about. No matter how many layers he pulled back, another one took its place. Despite this, on some level he could trust the other. Whether he was behaving like a child or... someone else, no matter the circumstance, Tobi meant well.
He gave in to the temptation, resting his head against the warm chest. Tobi's heartbeat was loud, strong, and racing. Fingers twined around his own as Tobi held his hand, tucking it close to his body and pulling them closer together. Their bodies had merged and Deidara was terrified to admit their understanding had too.
This felt right. Deidara didn't know what friendship meant, but he figured it was something similar to this. His heart was exploding.
Kami, he wanted to cry.
This is art.
He didn't understand it. Deidara shut his eyes tight, confused with himself.
It took a few moments for him to notice the song was the slowest one to play yet, and the most calming. Wasn't this also what lovers did? Deidara turned his head to glower at the siblings, but found them dancing with each other. It wasn't just them; many people had paired off. Friends, couples, families... He watched them as he and Tobi swayed from side to side, unhurriedly rotating in whatever direction. They looked happy.
Deidara couldn't comprehend their laughter until now. They were just civilians, unexposed to art at its finest. They never experienced the mind-numbing rush the body went through in battle. But now, he thinks he sort of gets where these people are coming from. It was fun doing simple things with people you cared about, even if they were really annoying.
"It won't last forever," Tobi began, also watching everyone around them.
Deidara's attention shifted back to his dancing partner.
"Their happiness," he ended.
"There's beauty in that. Hm," his grip tightened around Tobi. Life was filled with build-ups, a peak, drops, and an aftermath. Repeat.
A whole octave lower, Tobi said, "A man who looks forward to his own demise. I've never met anyone like you."
It could have been the words, or maybe the way he said them, but the statement had him feeling lightheaded. He stuttered, "Y-yeah, hm."
Tobi's hand glided up the spine of his back. In response, a tightening heat seared down his body, settling somewhere low.
Deidara was very in tune with his emotions; he could always pinpoint what he was feeling, though he had a harder time explaining the why's. He wasn't stupid, either. He knew how the small movement affected him. He knew what it meant. He just didn't know why he'd be turned on by it.
They danced a bit more. Tobi tried to twirl Deidara, and in return he punched his shoulder, hard. Tobi feigned pain, then snickered, twirling himself instead, having to crouch because Deidara was two heads shorter. Deidara pretended not to notice.
The song finally ended. Tobi collapsed into Deidara, pulling him into a tight embrace. He had to take a few steps back so they wouldn't fall to the ground. Tobi smelled like earth and it was grounding. Deidara didn't say anything – neither did.
Drained, he breathed deeply, forehead protector touching Tobi's torso. He wrapped his arms around him, eyes wide. A wave of uncertainty was settling into his bones. The Tobi Deidara was comfortable around was the one he grew up with, a silly man with a carefree attitude. This Tobi was not that Tobi. This one was unfamiliar and unknown. But, he was still the same person, right? Another song started playing but Deidara didn't hear it.
He mumbled, speaking lowly against the hard chest, "Back then, you said you were pretending..."
He felt Tobi stiffen, then shift slightly. With no sign of a negative response, Deidara continued, "How real is—how different are you two?"
Tobi moved again, but for an entirely different reason.
"Hey, travelers," a recognizable voice brought him back to reality. As if woken from a dream or nightmare, Deidara blinked hard, erasing the fog in his mind.
The boy from earlier was beside them. Tobi disentangled himself from Deidara, looking down at the kid.
"Hi!" Tobi held out his hand, personality flipping like a switch, "I'm Tobi! Tobi's a good boy."
The kid looked over to Deidara, brows raising in disbelief, "You're with thisguy? Really?"
Feeling a tad offended, he got defensive, "Tobi means well, hm."
The boy beckoned the two Akatsuki members closer. Tobi crouched down, and after a moment, so did Deidara.
He looked left and right, then said quietly, "I know who you are. You're the bad guys. So far no one found out but once they do, they'll kill you, or worse."
"How come you didn't rat us out then? Hm," Deidara's eyes were sharp, but he was curious. Shouldn't a kid like him be running away and screaming?
"You drunks don't look like you're here to hurt anybody, so I gave you a chance."
Tobi scratched his head, "Senpai, I didn't know we were the bad guys."
The kid pouted, "That's not what I think. Shinobi are so cool! But I heard my neighbour talking about red clouds and bloodshed and other crazy stuff like that. You're lucky it's dark out and no one noticed those."
The boy was pointing to their cloaks.
"You think we're cool?!" Tobi squirmed, sounding overjoyed.
He smiled, "Yeah, but you should still leave. Before they recognize you."
Deidara nodded. The brat was smarter than he initially thought. He grabbed Tobi and stood up, "You're right, hm. Thanks, kid. Come on, let's go."
"Safe travels!" the boy shouted over the music and chatter as they walked briskly away.
The children were kind of endearing. They were still brats, just decent ones.
After half an hour of trudging through grass, Deidara remembered something important. He forgot to grab Tobi's food. Deidara cursed. He contemplated going back to pick up the bag, since wasn't sure if he'd be able to sleep tonight with guilt hanging over his head. Tobi was probably starving. And they said alcohol increased your appetite.
"Hey, Tobi..."
"Yes, senpai?"
Deidara sighed, "I forgot your food, hm."
Angry with himself, he averted his eyes when Tobi looked over at him. After a moment, he got a reply, "That's okay."
"No, it's not," he grimaced, "You need to eat, hm."
Tobi patted his back, "I promise I'm okay for the night. Ink, pink, pinky promise!"
"You sure?"
"Wow! Senpai cares!" Tobi gushed, "Don't worry! How about you owe me one, eh?"
Deidara agreed half-heartedly. If their roles were reversed, he'd be livid. Tobi had the patience of a saint. It made up for his – probably fake – short attention span.
"I can't go on," Tobi wheezed. He held out his hand in desperation, doubled over and breathing hard.
Deidara stopped, turning back to look at him, angry, "We don't have time for your games. Hurry up! Hm."
Instead of obeying, Tobi chose to collapse where he was standing. The grassy hill they were climbing up was steep and high, completely unforgiving to his poor body. He rolled over to lay on his back. The ground was cold and the air colder. Winter was coming.
Once again, he was reminded of how small he was while staring up into the dark skies. Stars and stars, millions of them, touched the black canvas and transformed it completely. Humans were nothing in comparison, only small bodies of flesh with depraved minds to rule them. Unifying humanity was Tobi's responsibility and his only purpose.
Deidara's face blocked his vision. Golden hair fell off his shoulders and curtained a handsome face, the colour vibrant even under the night skies.
World peace had been the reason for his existence, at least until now. He was selfish. Deidara was all he wanted. Him and nothing more.
Tobi reached up and grabbed Deidara's wrist, yanking it hard so the man toppled down on top of him.
"Tobi – !"
Even with their skin cold from the sun's disappearance, Tobi found warmth in Deidara. His presence was all it took for his icy veins to set aflame.
"Re-lax, senpai. Let's look at the stars for a bit, yeah?" Tobi released Deidara, putting his hands behind his head in a carefree attitude. Transfixed, he was carefully aware of the extra weight on his torso and the hands gripping onto the fabric of his shirt.
Now that Deidara was lying down, it seemed he didn't want to get back up either. He copied Tobi's earlier movements, rolling to the side to lay down beside him.
Deidara's sigh was loud, "You're really lazy, hm."
They were quiet for ages, both unwilling to break the comfortable silence between them.
He'd been incessantly thinking about their clashing philosophies since forever, and the results of his internal debate were finally conclusive.
The earth under his body carried humans like a host to a disease. It never wavered, never complained. Humanity was just another lifeform playing house on a large, oversized rock. Obito had been a victim to the hierarchy; the unavoidable feeling of importance and worth engraved into him from birth. Being human put you at the top of a truthfully insignificant ladder, one that didn't matter in the long run. You could look down it and see endless steps. But to look up? There would be no destination, nothing else for you to grasp. And the world would keep spinning.
That was why Obito failed, because that boy was so caught up in being human.
He thought Tobi was a success. It seems he was mistaken. Erasing humanity from a human body was unachievable. Humans were destined to climb a shaking ladder until the end of their time.
Both parts of him failed.
Trying to rise up a ladder that ended with nothing was pointless. Trying to fix a broken ladder was pointless, if there was nothing to reach on the other end. Humanity could continue in peace or end in hatred, and the sun would never stop rising every morning.
Why should Tobi even bother with the metaphorical ladder? Why couldn't he just jump off and put his feet on the ground. It was real; it was endless. It was love, laying right beside him, breathing like a human, being a human. Why should he give it up? Happiness wasn't in the sky. It wasn't the final piece at the top of an imaginary hierarchy. It wasn't a goal. Like the earth under his body, it wasn't fixed, but it was solid, and it was there. Right next to him.
Deidara understood that before he could. He lived in the moment, never the past and never the future.
He wasn't going to make the same mistake Madara did.
"Ne, Deidara-senpai?" Tobi whispered.
Deidara whispered back, "Tobi, hm."
"Earlier, you asked me a question," Tobi began.
"Do you have an answer?" his partner perked up.
"Yes," he swallowed the bile building in his throat, "I'm nothing. I'm no one."
"You've said that already, hm. And you're not nobody. You're someone. You're Tobi."
"My body, Tobi's body, was a tool for the longest time, senpai," he turned his head, so he could murmur quietly to Deidara, "I don't want it to be anymore."
"Then what's stopping you?"
He never felt more vulnerable, "My mind."
Deidara turned to look at him, leaning on his elbow. Sun-kissed hair cascaded down his shoulders, and Tobi's eye never failed to follow. He was fixed on Deidara's features, and entirely addicted to the rest of him. This was torture. How was it possible for anyone to want someone so badly?
Lucky for the both of them, Deidara was oblivious to his frenzied thoughts. His eye ablaze, "Whatever you want to do, do it. Live in the moment, hm. You'll never have fear, and you will always be your bestest self."
.
"I'll try, then," Tobi's words were so quiet they sounded muffled under his mask. Deidara had to strain his ears to hear them.
Guilt washed over Deidara for the second time within an hour. He didn't think Tobi would be telling him any of this without the help of alcohol. Tobi was in some kind of internal conflict, and like the idiot he was, rather than trying out all his options, he stuck to one path. Tobi's identity crisis was the same one he had when he was unsure about betraying his village. Deidara just had to remind himself that home was where the heart was, and for him, his art was his heart.
The bigger of the two sat up, resting his elbows on his knees. He seemed deep in thought, so Deidara gave him some time to think. The crickets were chirping madly, and the sound of the wind was even wilder.
They said talking about your problems was always helpful, but Deidara wouldn't personally know if it made a difference. He never really bottled anything up, it was against his nature. Apparently that was all Tobi did. The man was going to burst, sooner or later.
Deidara opened his mouth to warn him, but the words died down on his tongue.
Tobi's ringed hand was latched to the swirly, orange mask.
No way.
Deidara's eye was seeing and his brain couldn't keep up with it. The mask was being slowly lifted, revealing pale skin, scars, and a mouth, one by one. Tobi slid the swirly, orange mask to the left side of his head, the thick strap hiding his eyes from view. Deidara couldn't bring himself to feel disappointment. The skin he could see was jagged, almost tender looking under the starlight. The scars didn't take anything away from the moment, only enhancing how surreal it was to see Tobi's skin.
Like the swirly, orange mask, his skin rippled in the darkness when Tobi turned his head. Deidara was fascinated to see the other half of his face, the flesh unblemished. In the very back of his mind, he questioned why Tobi's working eye was on the damaged side rather than the other, but Deidara didn't have the strength to think about those things. He found himself distracted by the set of lips, to find their colour not quite porcelain, but the colour of his clay. The urge to touch the skin was painful, and it took everything to keep his hands at bay. Sometimes Deidara forgot there was flesh under Tobi's mask, and other times it was all he could think about.
"Tobi," he breathed, "This is you, hm."
A gloved hand pressed against his jaw, the touch gentle. Tobi's sight was blocked, yet he had no trouble finding what he wanted.
Deidara didn't really process what was happening, but suddenly Tobi was leaning in. What was he doing? Deidara leaned back until he couldn't anymore, but Tobi followed like death after life.
He froze, afraid to so much as inhale. Scarred lips hovered against his own, just a breath away from touching. The grass under his head tickled the skin on his cheeks. Their robes mixed in a seamless mess, the fabric soft against his skin. Deidara's senses were going haywire. He was keenly aware of every little sensation, despite his focus being on one thing only.
It had to have been an eternity before one of them broke the spell.
"But not all of me," Tobi said. Tobi. His breath puffed out as he spoke, the warmth hitting Deidara's lips like a ki – no, no, he wouldn't go there, not when Tobi was so close. The breath, combined with that low, heavy voice, had him dizzy and beyond flustered.
Tobi was just inebriated. Yeah, that was it. He could smell the sake in his breath, in both of theirs, as the air between them mingled.
The hand left his face and glided down his arm. A cold shiver crawled down his heated body.
Deidara assumed right. If Tobi ever had a lover, they'd be left powerless.
"You're drunk," Deidara stated matter-of-factly. He was scared to talk, because what if his lips brushed against his?
Tobi leaned in again and for a heart moment, Deidara thought he was going to do it. Voices roared in his head as Tobi simply pressed a scarred cheek against Deidara's, right were his hand used to be.
The light, constant breathing in his ear had him on edge. It was another reminder. Tobi had a face. Why was he doing this? What was Tobi after? The skin touching his was foreign, but just the knowledge of who's it belonged to had him paralyzed.
Tobi murmured into his ear, tone grim, "Are you sure?"
Deidara furrowed his brows.
The man inhaled, shaking, "Perhaps—I didn't swallow a single drop."
What? How? There was no way Tobi could have faked it. There had to have been half a liter to spit out. Hold on. Objects could pass right through him. Then were did all the liquid go? There was no spill or anything remotely similar to one when they left the izakaya.
And what reason could Tobi have for masking his sobriety? It was possible he did it to enhance his laidback persona. It worked, if he thought about it. The kid-boy didn't take them as a threat, and it was because of their soaked-up state.
It would mean he was never drunk to begin with.
Deidara wasn't sure how he felt about that. If anything, he was mortified. Tobi always pulled this kind of shit; he should be used to it by now. But the fact that Tobi had been sober throughout the entire night...
He exhaled through his nose, momentarily distracted by Tobi's firm touch. A strong thumb was massaging into his wrist.
Tobi would be sober now too.
Doing this.
"Is this a game to you? Hm," Deidara blurted out, panicking.
"No," Tobi frowned, and it was the first time Deidara saw it. He couldn't believe he was seeing a mouth move with each of Tobi's words, "Never."
All too soon, and not soon enough, Tobi moved away. The porcelain mouth vanished and the swirly, orange mask was back in place. Tobi's black silhouette lifted off the grass, standing tall and looming over him.
A covered hand reached out to him, the silver ring on his thumb glinting.
"What are you doing down there, senpai? You can have a nap after we make camp!"
It was too late now to get any answers; Deidara missed his chance. But this was progress. Why Tobi couldn't just reveal everything all at once, he didn't know. The lies were getting tiresome. After their conversation, however, he had hope. Maybe Tobi would heed his advice. Tobi would find himself; he could feel it in his bones.
He grabbed Tobi's offered hand.
.
Throughout the length of time it took Deidara to set up camp and lay down between some large tree roots, he was in a complete daze. If anyone asked him what his name was, he probably couldn't give a coherent answer. It didn't help that the cause of his emotional turmoil was sitting just a few feet away, drawing patterns into the dirt with a stick.
With a mild headache from the after-effects of sake, Deidara closed his eyes.
He thought about Tobi's face, the half he'd been given permission to see and, someone pinch him, feel. The scars were curious, but most shinobi had them anyways. Somehow Tobi's right eye was working, despite the disfigurement. Tobi never used his left eye, in spite of his face around there appearing to be in good shape. The injury was especially different.
Tobi had shared a glimpse of his past once, of how he had lost meaningful people in his life. What if the scars were connected? The story sounded tragic; however, Deidara had no room for pity in his heart.
Then, there was Tobi's unique ability he was dead set on not divulging about. Deidara could respect this, since it would be really fucking stupid to reveal the secrets of your ninjutsu with others. But Tobi had to go around flaunting it in front of him – so of course it was going to spark his interest! Tobi could phase through objects and make them disappear. How?!
"Senpai, I'm trying to relax. You're thinking too loud," Tobi said.
Deidara opened an eye, flabbergasted. Tobi was still playing with his stick, making more noise than he was. He hadn't said a word since Tobi put on his mask, so his voice was hoarse when he replied, "It's your fault, and you know it, hm."
Tobi didn't respond, either because he was giving him a chance to think and had been joking, or because didn't have anything to say.
Deidara closed his eye in an effort to fall asleep. It was in vain, obviously. The whole day had passed with him giving it his all to fight off this budding obsession, and he'd hardly thought of anything but his partner. With Tobi revealing part of his face, saying the things he did – doing the things he did – how was Deidara supposed to think about anything else?
The man under the mask was a stranger to him, neither Tobi nor Tobi but by some means, all of Tobi. He could still feel the whisper of air on his mouth, its physicality warm and everything else about it cold and unknown. For a minute there, he really thought he was about to be kissed. But that was impossible, especially if he considered how Tobi hinted towards being sober.
Deidara could see him trying to spread his affections while under the influence. A clear-headed Tobi, on the other hand, was far too controlled. The man was on constant vigilance, under the pretense of aloofness. He did everything for a reason. So what reason would Tobi have for wanting to kiss him? None that were logical. Deidara was more comfortable with assuming Tobi misjudged their closeness because he couldn't see well.
Maybe Tobi was trying to drive him crazy. He wanted Deidara to lose his mind; that had to be it. Because here he was, almost yearning to know what would have happened if one of them closed the gap. He didn't think Tobi was going to do it, but Deidara... sort of... wished he did.
Happy third year anniversary Fruit on the Vine! Here, having a whopping 8K of character development. The corn in this one is real. They were going to kiss, I swear! But alas, it's still too early. Cheers!