Yeah. Sorry, no lemons here.
May 7, 2024
Start
"You have no idea how glad I am that you transferred him to us." Captain Hertha smiled brightly, placing her fist on her hips. "James is as spritely as a horse! We're ahead of schedule thanks to him."
With the majority of the knights transferred to Varka's expedition, it's no understatement that the logistics company is in desperate need of manpower.
James filled in the vacuum significantly.
"Coming from you, now I'm unsure if you're exaggerating." Kaeya looked at one of the workers gathering debris from broken wooden frames and ceramic tiles, "Do you know how bad he got it? He looked like he was nearly beaten to death yesterday, and now he's breaking his back getting everything cleaned up."
"Exaggerating?" Hertha switched to a less casual tone, suggesting a layer of implications, "You want specifics? He's worth a platoon-sized labor force. He's been at it for hours non-stop."
"… Huh?" Kaeya narrowed his eye, "Damn. If he's that lively, then why the hell did we find him lying on the ground?"
"Beats me, but I'm glad your guys found him." Hertha shrugged. She asked in a less casual tone, "I've read from the report that he lost his memories - you're the one who interviewed him, right?"
"… He's got no clue what a Vision is, and I think it's his first time hearing Mondstadt."
"Hmm." Hertha took a few seconds to process that, "I've known you long enough that nothing gets past you. That rules out possibilities he's some Fatuu agent."
"Maybe he's a spy who lost memories in his mission?" Kaeya rhetorically replied with words that weighed nothing, earning a mild chuckle from the logistics captain, "Eh. Whatever the case, I'm just glad we got more reliable people."
"Yeah." Hertha smirked in a teasing manner, "Unlike a certain someone who slinks out of his duties."
"Hey now, there's no need to be accusing." Kaeya raised palms in defense as both shared a chuckle.
"Oh? Really?" Hertha raised her eyebrows. "Then surely you're not just here for small talk?"
Kaeya merely hummed.
Both heard transport balloons in activation. Their propeller engines made a wooshing hum. Workers steered the machines, reining like how they would with a donkey. They escorted them to the main gates. Everyone left but James who walked up to them.
"A job well done, James. Your efforts are worthy of applause." Hertha nodded approvingly with a wide smile.
"Thanks, Captain." James patted his sleeves and turned to the man in blue, "Can I ask something, sir?"
"Ah. Drop the sir." Kaeya waved his hand from side to side dismissively. "I'm not one for formalities."
"Then what the hell happened here?" James gestured at the ruined rooftops and torn walls with a troubled face. "Did a tornado pass by yesterday?"
"… I wish that happened instead." Kaeya sighed dejectedly.
"Mondstadt repelled a siege just recently." Hertha said flatly, "Monsters attacked. Some of them managed to get in. We were cornered for weeks. Kaeya's men were hunting stragglers - and I think that's how you got caught in the crossfire."
"Is it… frequent?" James scrunched his eyebrows, "I'm just concerned if staying in Mondstadt long-term is viable."
"Don't worry pal. The worst of it has come to pass. These? All of this?" Kaeya spread his arms to gesture around the city that's busy in cleanup, "Something of this scale happens once in a blue moon."
"Or never at all." Hertha interjected, "Something this big has never happened for… dare I say for centuries."
"… Okay." James hummed nervously, "Uh. One question? Captain Kaeya, how come you guys have no cannons on the walls? I've read in the library they're common on ships."
Kaeya hummed with a small surprise at the random question. Though he can understand why from a tactical perspective, "Well, cannons are powerful, but our battlements aren't designed to accommodate it. Too narrow. It'd get in everyone's way."
"What about firearms? I mean, it's just some tiny cannon."
"You mean muskets?" Hertha took a few seconds to gather her thoughts, "I… don't know. I don't think we have the industry for it. Cannons are already strictly regulated as it is, I believe."
"It's because bows work well enough. Why would we need some fancy crossbow?" Kaeya's eye shimmered with a hint of suspicion, hidden with a playful smirk. "I never knew you'd be so interested in firearms."
And James wasn't interested in guns until recently. Tevyat isn't a safe place, and guns being a solution seems like a no-brainer coming from Earth. He only knows pulling a trigger makes guns shoot. He remembered there were close-up scenes that showed the end of the barrel having curved grooves, and slow-motion scenes clearly showing that guns throw out small cups that look like brass thimbles, but that's most of what there is in his knowledge.
If only James learned a bit more about how assault weapons work.
(AN: Yes, I know the term 'assault weapons' is so wrong. But it's deliberate. I want to paint James that ignorant.)
"You've been silent there for a bit. Something caught your eye?"
"I'm not sure if it's just me." James focused on Kaeya's strange pupil, "But… from what I see, there's a diamond in your eye."
"Oh~?" Kaeya's pupil narrowed with glee, "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were flirting."
James deadpanned, "Not to pop your bubble, but I don't swing that way."
"Sure, buddy." He scoffed, smirking, "But don't stop there. Why shouldn't you give compliments to a guy?"
"Ugh get a room you two," Hertha rolled her eyes.
James thought for a bit. This could be an opportunity to train Charisma. There's no rule he hadn't discovered yet that he can do so on a guy. He bobbed his head side-to-side. "Okay. Fine. I admit. You look handsome. Your jawline is structured. You have a cool fashion sense, and your eyepatch makes you look like a pirate."
"There we go." Kaeya smiled proudly. "See? That wasn't so hard."
"Are you sure you're straight?" Hertha asked with a deadpan. "Because trust me, you don't sound straight."
"Oh really?" James rolled his eyes, "If a girl compliments another girl, people think it's normal. It's just two straight friends being friends. But a guy?"
"See?" Kaeya scoffed at Hertha, "Double standards right there. He gets it!"
"Regardless," James continued, turning to Kaeya, "Can't lie that you look pretty. I can tell you got game. Maybe if I was born a woman then maybe I wouldn't mind letting you impregnate me."
"... What!? Hertha burst into a loud belly-aching laughter and bent down as if she got punched in the guts.
Meanwhile, Kaeya was struck with this shocked look like he was slapped out of nowhere. First, he started to giggle, next second he was wheezing like a whistle with the widest shit-eating grin, slapping Hertha's shoulders as she jabbed his hips in return.
By making an experienced man with a higher level flustered, you have earned 3 points in Charisma!
By surprising a woman and making her laugh, you have earned 1 point in Charisma!
"Are you-" Hertha coughed, trying to fight her laughter. She squawked her words out of her mouth like a bird, "Are you sure you're straight?"
"I said if I was born a woman. As in a hypothetical!" James held his hips, "Anywho, I'm guessing you've never heard something like that?"
"I've heard my fair share of flirtatious remarks, you know?" Kaeya hugged his waist with a wrinkled, blushing face and a wide-open smile. He sharply sniffed the air, "That was creative."
Creative? Coming from a generation immersed in the internet culture, James had seen and read... a lot of things that'd only paralyze the locals. "Ten out of ten?"
"Eleven out of ten." Kaeya slowly applauded with a dramatic flair. He had this 'not bad' gaze. "I've had a lot said to me... but never that. A bit blunt for my taste, though."
"Too blunt? To be fair, with your looks, I bet you make girls turn heads when you walk past," James wiggled his eyebrows.
"You have no idea." Hertha shook her head, sighing sharply, "Whenever we hold a tryout, women would join just to see him. They're not even subtle where they look." She casually slapped Kaeya's butt.
"Ha!" Kaeya, with the back of his palm, gently slapped Hertha's hips.
"See? I was right. Even Captain Hertha agrees," James turned to Kaeya to tease him once more, "Back to the compliment. If you think that was creative, then imagine what I can say on your bed."
Kaeya threw his head back laughing once more, waving his hand like a fan. He cupped his chin as he flashed a playful smirk, "How very tempting~"
By making a bisexual hedonist REALLY take an interest in you, you have earned 3 points in Charisma!
James clenched his buttcheeks as if a centipede crawled inside his pants. He felt the looming danger in his hole. Shit I pushed it too fucking far oh fucking shit-
Kaeya bobbed his shoulders like a seesaw, "So what if you're not a woman? Don't let that stop you from having fun."
"… Point taken."
"James!" Hertha wheezed. Her grin stretched her lips a mile apart. "I think you're just in denial."
"But have you heard about him and Lisa?" Kaeya pulled her closer as he whispered things in her ear.
"Hmm~" With a pressed smile, Hertha's gaze sauntered on James from head to toe, then lastly gave a glance to his pants. She turned to Kaeya, "We got a new player in town. Seems you've got competition."
"Wait. What?" James got alarmed. He wanted to ask something about Kaeya, "I am so sorry. Are you and Lisa-"
"Oh we're not anything if that's what you mean," Kaeya extended his arm and gave James a supportive thumbs-up, "She's a free game, pal. Good luck on trying, though."
"Mm hm. She's got quite a reputation, you know? I still remember the time she started as a librarian. That was the first time the library became busy when a lot of our knights suddenly took an interest in academics," Hertha said with a huff. "But of course, even now there are still those who visit the library with a different agenda. Women too. Who'd blame them."
James recalled what Lisa said last night, "A lot of men lie to get what they want, James. Your honesty is… refreshing."
The weight of her words became palpable; there's no doubt she was aware she was breathtaking, but to her, that was a double-sided blade. Not all of her suitors may have had the best intentions. Not that he's any better. But at least he's honest about it. And he was honest when he wanted to learn more about her background and her as a person.
"And that's not the end of it. With all the suitors she rejected, you'd think she got a harem by now." Kaeya giggled at James, "If you can woo her, then you can practically woo anyone."
"Can't hurt to try?" James shrugged.
"I would love to see you try." Kaeya grinned ear to ear.
"10,000 Mora says he can't," Hertha pointed a finger at Kaeya. "Failing condition is when he gives up."
"I mean come on, look at him. Guy's cute." Kaeya seemed supportive, but his smirk said otherwise, "Don't disappoint me, James. I got 10,000 on the line."
"Agh. You know what? Whatever." James scoffed. "Got anything for me to do, Captain Hertha?"
"No." She shook her head, "We're ahead of schedule thanks to you."
Kaeya cut in, "Speaking of, do you have any plans for the future?"
"Well, I'm planning to stay in Mondstadt. But if you mean what sort of career I'd take…"
James checked his status. His Str increased very little from his work. Meanwhile, his Cha was now above 20. He has points he earned from work-related quests, but it's apparent that fighter builds seem unrealistic to train if he has to depend on points from level-ups to make it relevant.
Not that he wants to be a muscular fighter or a humble laborer till the end of his days. And while he knew some friends who'd kill to be in his shoes, unlike them, he'd rather avoid adventures worthy to be written into novels.
He should change jobs and focus on his strengths. Something that requires… finesse. What job opportunities will Charisma allow him? Something related to managerial positions? Or diplomatic relations? Perhaps business?
No. All of them felt wrong. Mondstadt just got sieged. Those mean nothing when monsters outside the walls can invade again. He needs to focus on his stats which could help him do things bigger than himself. Bigger than swinging swords or slinging arrows. Bigger than surviving at minimum wage. Bigger than hiding behind the safety of walls.
Bigger…
Think of something bigger.
Something that would really help in the long term.
Something militaristic that can be used to aid in national security.
Something niched that no one in the Knights of Favonius has yet to visualize.
… Guns? Or technology in general?
Kaeya did say that firearms are just some better crossbows. Imagine his reaction to how wrong he would be if he saw a black military assault weapon in action like in movies.
(AN: I am SO sorry.)
The problem was, that he barely had any ideas about how firearms work, much less its history and manufacture. But what if he can gather talents to work for him? Convince the Knights of Favonius that it's the future? Gather resources for research and development.
Now that sounds right.
"I think I'll join the Knights of Favonius. There's like… a group who focus on science and stuff, right? I heard you guys are having tryouts this afternoon?"
…
By pushing your body to its limits, you have earned 1 point in Constitution!
The tryouts were not a place to test your limits, it was a place that pushed you into hell.
James slipped and slammed his face on the mud. That mattered little to the officers overlooking the many volunteers whose suffering was no different. He pushed himself to stand, wiping off the soggy dirt on his face. He wasn't the only one in this mud race.
James felt something crash on his shoulder and nearly tripped.
"Sorry pal!" Regrettably said one who ran past him.
"S'alright!" Shouted James, who recovered.
"Come on, James! Work with me here! Get your ass up!" Kaeya shouted with his hands coned on his mouth. He stood behind a fence along with a large audience of his fellow knights. "If she was here, what would she think!?"
That earned a few "ooh~!" from those who must be in the know. Others shouted teasing remarks that James did not hear. He put a few points, and only a few, in his Constitution, Dexterity, and Wisdom. It should benefit his stamina, coordination, and observation to help in this rat race on the muddy terrain.
He saw the levels of muddied recruits. Most of them have levels a little higher than his, with some above level ten. That wasn't unexpected; some of them must have been training for years. But while his stamina is practically limitless, his speed has its limits. Oh, and his legs were on fire.
James is using [Gamer's Physiology] as a crutch in comparison. Yet even so, he could barely keep up with the other volunteers. He didn't care about appearance anymore as he sweated like a pig. With deep huffs, he stopped before an obstacle course that seemed to be the most daunting for everyone.
Come on. It's just a bit of parkour. I've done more dangerous shit.
He jogged on balance logs without spreading his arms keeping a steady pace. He swerved under and over wooden beams. Climbed ladders. Vaulted over fences. Rolled under a net. Where others slipped because of their muddy shoes or fell from their tired limbs, James breezed through it all.
Kinda.
He crashed his face against a pole and fell like someone uppercut him in the jaw.
By finishing the obstacle course, you have earned 1 point in Dexterity!
"Not bad there."
James saw Kaeya leaning over with a smirk. He rolled over and pushed himself to stand, wiping off the mud on his face with his forearm.
"Not bad at all." He clapped slowly, "Hertha's right. Spritely as a horse. Makes me wonder why you'd rather be in the Investigation Company though."
"It's related to guns. I think alchemy could help me in that."
"If you ever change your mind, you're welcome in my company." Kaeya's mood turned slightly sour, "I hate to say it, but we need recruits. Not to mention, you can't force foals to mature in days."
James turned to everyone else who were lining themselves in a loose line. After all, this was an audition, but everyone who passed the race didn't mean they passed the test. The Favonius weren't that desperate to invite randoms. Knights picked those that caught their eyes. He didn't know what they were talking about, but they were giving letters of invitation.
Funnily enough, those who received Captain Hertha's invitation didn't seem too glad. He supposed no one likes to be an official box hauler. A shame; logistics is as important as any other branch of a military.
"Cavalry, right?" James turned to the Cavalry Captain, "How come I've never seen a knight on horseback yet?"
"Mm hm. Long story short, our leader took them all for an expedition." Kaeya sighed at the reminder. "But I still make do."
"So…" James narrowed his eyes with a hung mouth, "You are a cavalry captain without… cavalry."
Kaeya wheezed, "Ironic, isn't it? A cavalry company without horses. Is that why you don't want to join?"
"I'd love to ride a horse someday. Never tried it before." James said casually with a teasing grin, "I bet it'd be quite an experience. Not that I wouldn't mind riding something else."
Kaeya's cheeks blossomed, and then burst into soft laughter, "You keep on flirting with me, but I can't shake the idea that you aren't into guys."
"I'm just practicing on my lines," James ignored the ping of notification of another point to his Charisma. "I know how ridiculous this sounds, trust me. I'm not trying to lead you or anything. I guess I should've said from the start, but ah… that's like explaining a joke - it makes it less potent."
"Ah, so it's meant for someone else? A certain someone, perhaps?" Kaeya hummed~. He doesn't feel the least bit upset by this at all, "So… to you, I'm just a training dummy? In case you want to practice on horse-riding then maybe I could give you tips… and not just in riding horses."
James facepalmed, but he didn't hide his stupid grin, "I'm biting more than I can chew, huh?"
"You reap what you sow, buddy." Kaeya chuckled uncontrollably, finding this all to be adorable. He playfully slapped James' shoulders, "You just want to learn how to ride a horse, right? Just that?"
"Yeah~" James' voice turned playful, "I'm just wondering how I'd fare bouncing up and down. I'll never know if it'd break my hips. Sadly, you don't have a spare horse. Think you have alternatives? Hmm?"
"There are ways you can ride without an actual ho-" Kaeya snorts, trying not to laugh too hard.
"Ha!" James pointed at his reaction with a shit-eating grin and knee-slapping laughter, "Got you! I fucking got you!"
"Damn it!" Kaeya laughs, shaking his head to hide his reddened cheeks. He had to admit, he enjoyed bantering back and forth. Rarely are people this bold and playful. He rolled his eyes but chuckled along with him, "Yeah you got me. Good one."
By flustering a man with a high level of Charisma, you have gained 3 points in Charisma!
Nice. James opened his status and skimmed over it.
[James]
[Level 6]
[HP: 100/100]
[Strength: 6]
[Constitution: 8]
[Dexterity: 10]
[Wisdom: 5]
[Intelligence: 7]
[Charisma: 26]
[28 stat points available]
All those unused points would have made the tryout easier, but he was hesitant to spend points when he had no guidelines or a long-term plan to follow yet. Once spent, it's spent. He still hadn't checked the encyclopedia in his menu, so perhaps he'll decide after skimming through it.
"Finished with your practice?" Kaeya crossed his arms, still smiling. It had been a while since his facial muscles felt sore, "You can stop flirting with me now. I already know I'm irresistible."
"All right all right I'll stop here. Any more than this and you might fall for me." James crisply snapped his fingers.
"You? Blegh," Kaeya stuck his tongue, "Just kidding. At this point, it's really hard to believe you're straight."
"Honest answer?" James smiled with pressed lips. He likes them curvy and soft. No shame there. Between a guy's pec and a woman's chest, he'd rather lay his head on a pillow than a rock. "I'm more into women than guys, I guess. Muscles turn me off."
"Eh. To each their own," Kaeya pouted exaggeratedly, his lips puckered like a duck and looking at him with puppy eyes. "But does that mean you don't like my muscles?"
"Psh," James rolled his eyes, "They're nice. No homo."
"Thanks, bro," Kaeya giggled, as he gestured a thumbs up, "And you have a nice jawline. No homo."
"Thanks, bro," John mirrored his thumbs up, "Love you, bro. No homo."
"Love you too bro. No homo."
"Are you guys done?" Said Hertha who came out of nowhere. She crossed her arms, her face expressing both amusement and confusion, "You do know I heard everything."
Odd. If it was James from the past, he would have died of embarrassment, "Eh. If you want to join in the fun then should've just asked."
"Ugh. Ew. You two should get a room." Hertha crossed her arms, "And James, you didn't need the tryouts if you wanted to work with me. You're more than capable enough."
"Ah sorry, cap'." Kaeya clicked his tongue in repetition as he slowly shook his head, "But he's not interested in joining logistics."
"This is about guns, isn't it?" Hertha sighed deeply, "Figured. It's a shame you wanted to be in the Investigation Team. My company could use your strength."
"Maybe if my schedule is free then I wouldn't mind helping around." James flexed his arm and slapped his bicep, "Definitely could use it to train these babies."
"Oh yeah. You'll need it." Kaeya giggled dangerously, "You'd need all the strength in baby-making that is!"
"Kaeya!" Hertha sputtered and slapped his shoulders with a blush on her face.
"Did you know why she wants you to work under her, James?" Kaeya stepped closer to James without his muddy clothes touching. His smile twisted into a cruel smirk, with his eyebrow arching like a cat stretching after a nap. "Did you know that she has a cr-"
Hertha lunged at Kaeya with her fingers about to choke him. He dodged out of the way, running away with glee, kicking dust and dirt while laughing like a maniac. She chased after him, "I'll make sure you can never ride a horse again, you!"
James looked at the two and ran with a soft chuckle. If no one knew better, seeing the two captains running would have implied an emergency out of nowhere.
…
Then silence replaced the liveliness. The entire field for the tryout didn't have the energy it had earlier, with only a few knights exchanging in talks and dirtied 'left-over' auditioners cleaning themselves in a pond in dismay.
… Life here isn't bad. Bit primitive, but eh. Thought James, whose mood suddenly turned sour the second everyone else left. The mud race where many youths competed, of people just trying to prove themselves, all reminded him of a past long gone.
He was struck with a surge of nostalgia, his mind flooding with memories of his school life with all the young tomfooleries he partook in. The laughter with a breath of naivete. The hangouts with endings that came abruptly. The moments that turned into dreamy memories. In the end, his school grades didn't matter considering his situation.
The perforation in his heart swelled, reminding him of old wounds lost in the stream of time.
He felt alone.
And he needs a shower. Can't enter the library if he wants to research how cannons work.
End
I'm fucking facepalming right now with the dialogue exchange between James and Kaeya. Yeah, no fucking homo there. Definitely nothing gay going on. Just two bros being bros. If anyone's curious, it's inspired by real life. Back in high school, my classmates kept throwing teasing remarks like it was some game. It's those kind of moments where you'd just laugh off whatever weird shit is going on.
But anyway, are there flaws my dear readers have noticed? Or anything you'd like to comment on?
Anywho. Expect something spicy next chapter.
That said, if anyone wants to support me, you can check my Ko Fi in my profile!
What will I use it for?
Snacks.
And coffee.
Like, not to sound desperate, but anything helps.
Replies to recent reviews.
gargnaveen0371
Thank ye thank ye for your feedback, kind soul! And no, that's not your horny talking. Knowing Lisa's lore and dialogues, I'd like to think I wrote her character accurately.
ThatGuyYouMet
Hey, I know you! Thanks, buddy!
FuliginDrip
*Nods proudly.*
I've gone a long way in refining my wordsmithing skills.
Guest
Thank you, buddy!
runelt99
*Sigh*
Not to be corny, but I wish I had taken that advice years ago. Now look at me, a maidenless lad.
As for E.U.L.A? I'm thinking about how to fit her into the story right now. But don't worry, it's only inevitable.