Chapter 4

Ned continued to come and go, not quite ready to separate completely, and not wanting to disrupt their daughter. Leaving each night was difficult, and he knew it was taking its toll on both of them. "Hi daddy!" Kristen, who was sitting on the floor in the living room coloring, said as he entered the apartment.

"Hi, my girl." He said walking over to her and kissing the top of her head. "Where's mommy?"

"She's in the kitchen, daddy."

"Uh oh. I think we need to find a fire extinguisher. Do you know where the fire extinguisher is?" He joked.

Coming out into the living room, "You think you're funny, don't you Ashton? Krissy, why don't you go wash up and play, dinner will be here soon."

Kristen looked between her parents as if she sensed the tension that continued to build, "Ok, mommy."

"I ordered Chinese. I hope that's ok." Alexis stated simply as she watched their little girl head up the stairs.

"Sounds perfect." Alexis bent down to pick up the crayons that had fallen onto the floor, but suddenly became unsteady. She quickly recovered, but Ned couldn't hide his concern and reached for her. "Honey, are you ok?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine, just a bit dizzy all of a sudden, I must have just stood up too quickly."

"You're sure that's all it is? You look exhausted."

She took his hands, knowing that it wasn't the first time it had happened recently, but not wanting him to worry or decide to stay out of some sense of obligation. "I am exhausted. I can't do this anymore. I can't wake up every morning and pretend to be this happy little family and then watch you walk out that door every night. It's not fair to any of us."

"Fair? You really want to talk about what's fair?"

"No Ned, I don't. What I want is for you to fight for us, or at the very least be willing to have an actual conversation about what we are doing here. I love you and you can deny it all you want, but I know you still love me, too."

"I don't deny it, but it hurts. Being here hurts. Losing you hurts." He dropped his guard and stepped closer to her.

"But you haven't lost me. I'm right here." She brought her hand to his face and he leaned in closer to her. She followed his lead and kissed him gently at first, and then more urgently. Suddenly he stepped back, breathless, she looked at him questioningly, but before either could say anything there was a knock at the door. "That's probably the food." She whispered, walking away from him and reaching for her wallet, then the door. She paid the deliveryman and made eye contact with Ned before starting towards the kitchen, hoping that maybe just maybe they'd broken through the wall he had been putting up since she told him the truth.

"It was just a kiss, wasn't it?" He said letting his guard down, trying to trust what she had been saying for the past few weeks.

She turned and their eyes met again. "That's what I said it was; it's what I wish it was, but it's a kiss that's breaking my heart. So no, it will never be just a kiss."

He watched her as she turned and headed back towards the kitchen and he went upstairs to get Kristen. They ate in virtual silence. Both afraid of saying the wrong thing, hoping that they had indeed made a step in the right direction.

Kristen watching the scene between her parents unfold, broke the silence. "Mommy? Daddy?" She asked sadly.

'What is it baby?" Alexis replied as they both stopped eating and exchanged a worried glance.

"Can I ask you a question?"

'You can ask us anything, princess." Ned said reassuringly.

Alexis stood up and took Kristen by the hand, leading them all over to the sofa. She pulled their little girl up onto her lap and Ned sat close beside them. "Why don't you live here anymore, daddy?"

He sighed. He had hoped that what they had been doing would have prevented an impact to their little girl. "Why do you say that sweetheart?"

"You leave every night daddy and mommy... you cry because you're sad."

"You heard me cry?" Alexis asked, her heart breaking as Kristen nodded.

"For a long time, mommy." She said as Alexis pulled her into a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry you heard that," She said, kissing the top of her head.

"Don't you and daddy love each other anymore? Is that why you keep fighting?" She asked innocently as Ned took her into his arms and sat her on the table in front of both of them.

"I'm really sorry you've been worried about this. Mommy and I, we just have some things we need to work out. And you're right, I haven't been here, we just needed some time apart."

"Why?"

"Mommy made a mistake, and that made daddy unhappy."

"And daddy made mistakes too, that made mommy unhappy." Ned said, looking at Alexis.

"But the most important thing is that this isn't anything that you did wrong."

"Then say you're sorry." Kristen said innocently.

"We are. Aren't we?" Ned replied softly.

"Very much." She said, taking his hand.

"Then, daddy you can stay now right?"

"We're still trying to figure that part out, baby. No matter what happens, we're a family. And we are always going to be here for you. You are the most important person to us."

"And you can always ask us about anything. We like it when you tell us how you feel. Ok? We love you so much. And that is never, ever going to change. Do you understand?" Kristen nodded and Alexis took Kristen back into her arms and as Ned wrapped them both in his.

Later that evening, he came downstairs after Kristen had fallen asleep. He watched her standing by the doors to the patio, staring out the window. She turned at the sound of him walking towards her.

"You taking off?" She said, resigned to the fact that this is how things were between them now.

"Actually, I was hoping we could talk."

"Ok." She said hopeful, walking closer to him. He took her hand.

"Tonight-"

"I thought I was doing what was best. I needed time."

"I know. But this- This isn't good for any of us, Ned. We have to stop pretending." She said taking his other hand in hers and stepping closer to him.

"We should go away somewhere. Just us. Figure this whole thing out." He said quietly, as he stepped closer to her.

"When?" She said simply.

"Tomorrow." He said, half expecting her to put up a fight. Citing her clients, depositions, anything to postpone the real discussion they so desperately needed to have with one another.

"I can make that work." She said, knowing that this wasn't the time to remind him that she can't just postpone ongoing cases. Saving her marriage needed to be her priority. "You have to know…"

He cut her off before she could continue. "I do know, and I love you, too." He said, watching a sense of relief wash over her and he pulled her close again.

She backed out of the embrace and looked him in the eyes "Will you stay?"

"I'm not sure that's the best decision."

She was surprised and stepped back. "I thought.."

"I just don't want to confuse Kristen. We need to figure out our next steps and until we do that, I think we should keep things the way they are."

She tried to hide the hurt, "You're right. We should figure this out first."

He leaned in and kissed her forehead before walking towards the door. He turned back, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." She agreed, not quite sure if she should feel hopeful or dread.