Star Man (Part two)

Chapter 4 – Emerging

SGA SGA SGA

It took a while for lucidity to properly return to John. His limbs would spontaneously jig painfully with the feeling of life returning to them. It caused him to writhe under the light infirmary sheets; sweat pouring from his body even long after the day he moved Atlantis. He was obviously still in pain and it was upsetting to watch.

His recovery took longer than anybody would have thought possible, but over the next few days he slowly recovered enough to keep his body still. He opened his eyes and willed them to focus through the filmy haze of a man going through the mill.

"John?" Teyla stroked her thumb over his cheek.

He turned to the voice and attempted a smile. He knew that voice. It was the same voice that had slowly sifted through a mind in turmoil that sought to settle. It had kept him calm once he became aware enough to recognise it.

"Can you hear me?"

John sighed and slowly nodded. He felt his chin dip against her fingers and smiled into her palm as she cupped his face. Teyla.

"You have had us all very worried."

John nodded again. Sorry.

He understood. He had been very worried.

Somehow, he understood that time had passed since he flew Atlantis up from the water and away from Earth. He occasionally was aware enough to feel sheets being changed, fluids topped up and the all-encompassing chemical blanket of morphine that effectively settled the deep pain that he had hid from for his own sanity.

But he made it back from it today.

He was aware enough to know that some others had appeared at his bedside, but his vision was still way off; blurry and grey.

"Take it slow, son. You have been through quite the ordeal. One we cannot even imagine." Carson.

"I don't know how you did that, John. My goodness, the power you harnessed. What are you…?"

"Rodney!" Rodney then.

Ronon? John's heart beat called out a tune on a monitor. Where was he?

And as if he understood. "Whoa, Sheppard. Do what the doctor tells you." John nodded towards what he now recognised as a Ronon shaped lump in front of him; probably standing at the foot of his bed.

Carson leaned in further in understanding. "Can you see us?"

John slowly nodded. "Bl'r..ry." His tortured voice croaked out.

"Aye. Your body has been through a horrific trauma. Your voice has been screamed raw so don't try to speak too much, okay. And your vision will get stronger too." Carson checked his vitals, said something out loud he couldn't quite understand, and then the shadows retreated. Panicked, John struck out a hand that wobbled. Carson grabbed on to it; held it still until his heart calmed again.

"Can't having you getting too excited now, can we? They have all gone. I've asked them to get some sleep now that you are awake and more aware. Teyla too. Although I had to threaten her from barring a visit for a whole day if she didn't do as I asked."

John's voice elicited something that sounded like a squeak, but was meant to be a laugh.

Carson smiled at that. Pleased he got his desired result from his patient. He placed a comforting hand on John's chest and patted it.

"Go to sleep, my friend."

John decided he did need to sleep again. He was bone tired like nothing he had ever experienced before.

"Was it very bad?"

John knew by the state he was in, Carson already understood that to be the case, but he nodded eventually after thinking about it.

"Ye…s…bad."

Carson fiddled with his line.

"I'll wake you in a couple more hours and we shall see about some food." He choked back a sob.

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Yet another day and a half went by until John's body was strong enough to remain awake for longer. He goofily watched all that went on by his bedside … morphine would do that to you.

"John!" Rodney leaned forward over his laptop. "Are you even listening?"

John smiled. "Sorry. Did you ask me something, Rodney?"

Rodney threw his arms up in the air. "Only for the last five minutes."

"Mackay!" Ronon growled as he walked past them on his way to get something to eat, as the kitchen was now behind a flimsy wall…hopefully temporarily.

John shuffled his bum back up slightly in his bed so he was sitting up straighter. "Sorry. Ask again."

Rodney sighed, but turned his laptop around for John to see the screen. "These spikes. See them?"

"I can see them perfectly well, Rodney…what of them?"

"These spiked when you…when you…well, when you were at your worst. Somehow, John, you created enough of a surge of such pure power…why similar to that of a Z.P.M… to push Atlantis through the different atmospheres to get to where we are now."

"Which is?" He must have asked for the umpteenth time given the look he got from him in return.

"Approximately four days from where we wish to land in Pegasus."

"Cool." He grimaced remembering the pain of said surge of power, but glad of the outcome.

Rodney closed the lid. "It's truly remarkable. I don't understand how you could do that, though."

As technically it wasn't a question, John remained mute, but well aware of the fact that it would annoy his friend even more. Still, he did not feel like explaining what happened to him just yet…not that he really understood it himself. He just needed to keep his connection with Atlantis to himself for the moment.

Rodney must have seen something in his eyes. He let it drop for now.

"You look tired. Pain?"

John smiled at his friend's understanding. "A tad. Manageable."

"Carson should look at you…"

John grabbed his arm to stop him shouting for him. "He's sleeping. Jennifer is due to give me something soon."

Rodney played with the lid of his computer. "Look, Rodney. If you have some work to do, just go. I don't need a babysitter all the time."

"Are you kidding? After what you put us through, you are getting wrapped in cotton and not out of any of our sights!" he smiled to soften the blow.

John put his head back against the pillow and briefly closed his eyes.

Behind them he could still see the swirling lights that had mirrored the pain of the last few days. They were non-stop behind his pale lids, unrelenting in their power to distract him from recovering faster. Carson said he had been about as exhausted as any human body could survive from.

He raised his right hand and went to hold his water cup but forgot about the bandage on his severely sprained hand and two broken fingers.

Rodney was faster. He grabbed the cup and waited on his left hand reaching over to grab it.

"Thanks." John replied. "Needed that." He smacked his lips. "What?" He asked, watching Rodney stare at his right hand.

"How can anyone break their own fingers?"

John twisted his hand back and forward. "Quite easily it seems." He then proceeded to stare into space. Rodney took this as his time to leave, as it was a clear sign they had lost his attention again to this numb state he fell into when he was particularly tired.

He gathered his things and then tapped his knee through the covers. "See you later. Get some sleep."

No reply. He was already asleep. Rodney extricated the precarious cup from his left hand and put it on the rolling table.

He looked down at his friend once more and then left him to his sleep.

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Two further days and John was up, walking and thoroughly happy about it.

Carson still supported him back and forward to the toilet and for showers. It was on one of his trips back to his bed, John stopped in his slow steps and just sighed heavily.

Carson dipped his head under to look at his face in worry. "Son? What is it?"

John raised himself up to his full height. "Thanks, Carson. I just wanted to thank you for all that you do for me."

"John. There is no need to thank me…"

John interrupted. "Yes, there is. I probably caused you way too much grief this time."

Carson laughed. "It was pretty spectacular right enough."

John grimaced. "Thought I was a goner." He admitted.

They reached his bedside. Carson supported his quaking body whilst he lowered himself down and into the chair. That was the goal today – to stay in a chair for a few minutes instead of lying down.

"As I keep reminding you, your body has a way to go to recover from the incredible stress it had gone through…and need I remind you, it was just days ago! It's a miracle you are as strong as you are already."

"I feel like an old man!"

"You move like an old man!" Ronon clapped him on his shoulder – and even at that, John noticed it was as gentle as the big man could manage.

"Yeah, well."

"Leave him be, Ronon. Look…in a chair!" Carson's arms overly flourished the achievement, trying to cheer his friend up.

John's refusal to elaborate on what he had gone through moving Atlantis had every one on edge, worried for what he was not telling them. It was pretty much a given he would have remained tight lipped anyway, as he never was one for divulging too much information. But the pain and suffering they had all witnessed had been truly awful to get over and move on from.

Now that he was moving about again, John insisted that he got back to business…Carson had said 'Not yet!' leaving John frustrated and growing quieter and quieter. Lorne had earned John's trust many years ago, so he had left him and Sam to run things together in his absence, but he knew that Lorne desperately wanted to organise the unpacking of the several boxes and equipment Sam had brought with her, so he finally convinced Carson to release him because they were due to go to the surface the next day and he had things he needed to do, so with the proviso Ronon would be with him at all times; he'd even have a wheel chair on stand-by should he need it, John grinned and made his way to Sam's office …frustratingly slowly!

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"You don't need to push yourself like this, Sheppard." Ronon escorted his friend along the dimmed corridors. "You are really pale."

"Don't you start, Ronon. I'm fine."

"Right! At least slow down!" He laughed, as they were walking at almost a snail's pace.

"Ha, ha. Very funny. I'd like to see you do better." He held up his good hand. "Okay, don't answer that. Your grin speaks volumes."

"Maybe. But I don't think I've ever suffered exhaustion like you did…and ...just getting better from! I can't believe you are walking to be honest. It was tough, John, you know, seeing you like that."

John looked across to watch his friend's grim face, knuckles white on the wheel chair he was pushing in front of him. John pulled his arm to a stop and pointed to the dreaded thing. "I relent…need a seat!"

Ronon eagerly held it in place until John dropped his weary body down in the seat with a satisfied sigh, but bumping his bandaged hand in the process. He brought it up to his chest and moaned round it.

"Just how did I manage to hurt this hand so much, anyway?" John asked, obviously perplexed himself.

"You wouldn't let go of the soft pad on the chair under it. In fact, it was almost as if your hand had just melted into the workings and was immovable…Rodney did try several times as it got to the point we wanted to haul you out of it…"

John swung round in his seat to face him; anger evident with pink spots of rage appearing on his cheeks. "Don't EVER do that!"

Ronon stopped pushing the chair. "Whoa! Calm down, John."

"Sorry, just…don't, okay?" He chewed his lip and Ronon saw the now familiar veil of silence descend on him once as he turned away from him and lost himself in whatever thoughts he kept delving into.

Ronon let him be and just pushed him towards Sam's office, hoping he would pull himself out of his slump by the time they got there. Teyla had spoken to him last night of her worry for him. None of them had truly witnessed him in such a condition before, but she was particularly struggling to see him so despondent now that they were on the road to starting their lives together. Ronon hoped for Teyla as well as himself that he would recover soon. He was pretty sure he would; the man was a fighter.

Walking through corridors half lit to conserve energy, gave John an opportunity to mull over the last few days in his mind. He was aware of the fact that every-one was worried for him. He was more than aware he was not giving Teyla as much loving attention as he dearly wanted to.

For a second, he shut down: thinking.

He knew he seemed to be blanking out a few times – even braved telling Carson about them, but he had been through all the scans; nothing to see. Just his body recovering from the exhaustion, they decided. Still, John found them unsettling in a way, as he knew – although he quickly forgot – that during these times he seemed to be struggling against some sort of bright light, pain and abundant knowledge swirling around in his brain …that last part he kept to himself. Until …

Atlantis.

He almost felt like he was remembering something about her. Something important, but then it was gone, and the pulsing beat of pain in his broken fingers jolted him back to the here and now.

That happened to be inside Sam's office with one hip propped up against her desk watching his arrival, and Teyla walking towards him with a huge grin on her face.

"John! Ronon." She smiled and squatted down in front of John, holding on to his knees. "Carson said you were on your way."

John grinned and motioned for Ronon to stop the chair. "Thanks, buddy." He said, and slowly levered himself up and out of the chair. "Ta, da!" He joked, although she could see his humour was somewhat forced.

"It is lovely to see you more like yourself and out of the Infirmary." She embraced him and then lowered her forehead, to which he responded. In the Athosian fashion.

"John, lovely to see you looking better." Sam also came forward.

"Well, I'm sure Carson will still be checking me over, but I have been let out as long as Ronon accompanies me so I don't fall down." He smiled…a real John Sheppard smile this time, although he obviously looked done in.

Sam pointed to her desk. "Why don't we all sit." Subtly never her strong suit. She winced. "Sorry, John, I didn't mean it looked like you needed it!...well …sorry."

"Sure, okay, let's ALL sit, and get down to business. How's the City, Sam?"

"Well, thanks to you, running at eight five percent – and that's us still holding her back to conserve power for our descent."

"We arrive tomorrow at PR2-7PL?"

Sam nodded. "Not quite New Athos, but nice area of water, near the mainland."

"We wouldn't have heard from the Daedalus yet?"

"No, they are still too far out. Should join us in two weeks, all going well. We got here faster than we thought – thanks to you." Sam leaned forward and rubbed his arm.

John smiled, but refused to be brought into the 'whatever happened to you?' conversation that was always on the tips of their tongues. "I remember scouting it a while back. Everyone ready for landing? Lorne got the marines ready in case we meet trouble when we go ashore?" Sam nodded for both.

John continued, suddenly in a rush to get answers to all his questions. "More importantly, is anybody regretting leaving Earth?"

Teyla moved forward in her chair. "No. I have personally spoken to everyone on board, and they are all fine, John. Looking forward to getting settled." Teyla smiled and looked at everyone in turn.

John leaned back and shifted in his chair a little, running his good hand through his hair. "Look. I know I have been through…something…but I'm on the mend now. You can all stop looking at me like I am going to fall apart."

There. He said what he had wanted to get out.

His friends all nodded, but it was Sam who dared to reply. "We can't help but worry about you, John. The pain you obviously went through was quite hard for us all…Teyla especially…to watch and allow happen." She leaned forward, now at her desk. "John, you did something extraordinary, do you not realise that?..."

Hell, yeah!

"…we might have taken days to reach where we are now, but no…you flew Atlantis with the most amazing feat of power I have ever witnessed. It cost you though, didn't it? You may have the strongest A.T.A. gene here, John, but that was even beyond what I thought your possibilities were. And…I suspect you think that too." Sam gave him a soft smile as she got his attention. "John, what happened? Can you tell us?"

John listened to Sam and felt every one of them watch him in anticipation of his reply.

"Yes, c'mon, John, we've waited long enough!" Rodney, joined them.

"Shut it, Mackay! John will answer when he wants to." Ronon admonished his team mate.

"Rodney. Sit down, and be quiet." Sam added at the same time, although she softened the blow with a small, understanding smile his way; she did understand how he felt after all. She was also glad to see Rodney smile back – it took a lot to offend him these days.

"Guys, guys, settle down." John almost walked away. "Look. All I can tell you is I felt something come over me…something that gave me strength and shared the load that it was to fly her out of Earth's grip. It…well, you all saw; and it's still took it out of me – and I mean everything. It was…hard, shall I say."

John stopped for breath.

"Atlantis…she helped me. That's about all I can say on the matter. In fact…" John slowly raised himself up, cursing his tired and achy body that he couldn't have mastered it more steadily. Ronon was quickly up too, but allowed him his space.

"…I need to go to the chair." He announced.

"John, no!" Teyla was at his side next. "You have not recovered enough to go there yet."

"Teyla, I appreciate your concern. I have just told you that Atlantis gave me strength. I'd like to go back and see if it's still there…this…connection." He paused and licked his lips. "I'm not mad."

Surprisingly it was Rodney who spoke up first. "I agree. If these energy readings I accumulated when you were in the chair are anything to go by, you certainly received something from it. You always said you can 'feel' Atlantis. For goodness sake, John, she knows you! Perhaps the chair added to your A.T.A gene when you needed it the most. I can't actually answer that. But I do know, John, that when you were operating that chair a few days ago – and it was only a few days ago, mind – it also almost killed you, so leave it well alone for now…please until I study the results of that day more?"

John cradled his bandaged hand and reluctantly nodded. "Fine. But I'll be going there tomorrow anyway to land this city."

This time Rodney stood beside him. "Actually, Carson is going to take her down." He grimaced, waiting on John's reaction.

"No!...I can do it…"

"John. You are in no shape." Sam interrupted. "Carson has landed Atlantis before. We have enough power. He thinks he can do it. Wants to do it."

"I'll speak to him." With that he turned to leave, not without throwing Teyla a disappointed look on his way out.

The four that were left watched his departing back and then looked at each other.

"I think he hates me." Sam whispered.

"He'll get over it. He always does." Ronon said.

"Ronon!" Teyla pressed. "The chair!"

She was right. He was too busy mulling over John's admission when Teyla reminded him he was supposed to be shadowing his friend. He grabbed the wheelchair and ran after him, wondering all the time how he could have got so far a distance already at the speed he had been walking at earlier.

He caught up and matched his pace. "Need a ride?"

John had the presence of mind to stop walking and cock a smile his way. "Sure. Thanks." He was tired now that he had taken off with such gusto.

Ronon held onto his arm as he lowered himself into the seat as he could see he was shaking slightly. "You, okay?"

John nodded. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that I'm glad you got that off your chest. I've seen more strange things than a huge, living Ancient city speak to you and help you with super powers enough to fly her through atmospheres, stratospheres etc. you name it…" John cocked an eyebrow at his knowledge, "…and whatever else it took to make it back to Pegasus."

"You have?" John laughed, sensing his making light of the situation.

Ronon put the brake on the chair and came round to face him, leaning down in front of him.

"Well maybe not anything as amazing as that." He smiled. "But, John…something huge happened to you…I'm guessing you are still feeling it?" John nodded. "Then, you have to let us in and help when we can. That can involve Carson taking us down tomorrow if he thinks he can do it to save you the pressure."

John lifted his head. "I'm worried it hurts him."

"Let's hope it doesn't."

"Ronon, thanks. I appreciate what you are saying. But…I do need to go to the chair. Will you take me there?"

"Only if you do not sit in it."

John scratched his chin with his left hand and studied his bandaged right one. "Deal." He smiled.

"Okay, then." Ronon said and quickly set them on the road to the chair room, thinking somehow he'd been conned into going there.

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"John?"

John reluctantly tapped his ear piece. "Go ahead, Sam."

Sitting in the makeshift kitchen area mulling over his little jaunt to the chair room with Ronon, John was just coming down from his visit there. There had certainly been a feeling there of something that he had never used to be able to place: unique even, but he now recognised it as Atlantis herself. Still, he kept his word to Ronon. He didn't go near the chair, and they were only there five minutes before he was wheeled back, checked over by Carson – clean bill of health. Now, they were just relaxing with a cup of coffee that Carson had said he could drink again.

Ronon listened, also, to what Sam had to say, and going by the look on John's face, he was just as flummoxed.

"Say again, Sam. Am I hearing you right?" John said as he watched Ronon's reaction.

"You heard correct, Carson and I have went over every-ones medicals when they arrived, and we are two souls short – worse, nobody can ever remember seeing them here on Atlantis!"

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To be continued….