JENNIE
One moment, I was sure Lisa couldn't wait another moment to have me, and the next, we stood five feet apart in the complete darkness of her penthouse.
Lisa shut the door behind us and leaned her forehead against it for a weighty moment. She didn't bother with the lights, just turned to me in the dark as moonlight shone through the living room windows. With her sobering stare, the gravity of the situation set in. After this, there would be no turning back.
"You're so beautiful," she said, as if to remind me of it.
She was a wall of exquisite beauty, rubbing her brow and then pushing a hand through her obsidian hair. She frowned and exhaled. I could just barely make out her expression, full of more than lust and wanting. It held pain, along with adoration, as though I were finally her, something she'd longed for and was now on the cusp of having. Those were the things I thought I saw when I should've been talking myself out of ther—but with her, it was easy to get lost, it was right, it was as it should be.
"I . . ." I started, but my voice wavered. "I don't know how to do this." I could barely form the sentence, due to an all-consuming desire. "Lisa." In that one word, I pleaded with her to have the strength I couldn't and put a stop to this.
She wet her lips and paced forward until my back hit a wall. She stripped her jacket from me, letting it fall in a heap on the ground, then placed her palms on each side of me, trapping my body with her.
After the last twenty-four hours, being cornered should've frightened me, but with Lisa, I was exactly where I wanted to be.
Carefully, she reached down, encircled my wrists with each of her hands, then folded them behind my back, stilling my body with her.
"I've fought to get you here," she said. "But at some point, you have to cross the line to me."
"Choose me," she'd said.
Letting Lisa bring us to this point was not the same as choosing her. I yearned for the burn of her face on mine. I wanted this, I couldn't deny it, but I also knew that it was irreversible. "I shouldn't be here," I whispered.
"So leave."
Restrained by her grip, I moved against her hard body—but despite her words, she continued to fight against me. For me.
My chin quivered, and I shook my head, lightly at first and then harder. If she kissed me, I'd give in. But I couldn't be the one to make the final decision.
"Jennie," she pleaded thickly in my ear, the hairs of her cheek tickling me. Nothing rivaled hearing my name on her lips.
I kept my head turned toward the door, knowing that one look into her eyes would be my undoing. After shifting my wrists into one firm hand at my lower back, she reached up with the other and dug her fingers into my hair. She slid out the bobby pins, each one chering as it hit the floor. My hair tumbled around my face. She tucked a handful behind my ear, gripped my chin, and turned me to her.
With the gentleness of a saint, she kissed my wound.
And with the finesse of a caveman, she shoved her pelvis against me, eliciting my sharp gasp as desire spiraled all the way to my fingertips.
Leaning in, our mouths all hot air and desire, she was careful not to let our lips touch. I squirmed, but she waited, patiently asking me to make my final decision.
I twisted my hands to free them, and she let me.
It was time. Fall into her—or walk away.
Lifting my hand, I flattened it against her heart with a tenderness that surprised me.
I closed my eyes, feeling the hard buttons of her dress shirt through her downy sweater, her heartbeat strong under my palm. "I'm sorry," I whispered, returning my gaze to her.
Agony crossed her face.
But the apology wasn't for her.
I balled the fabric in my fist, pulled, and suddenly her mouth was on mine, her heat and arms enveloping me, her hands under my thighs, lifting me.
She kissed me hard as we moved. I furiously undid her tie before being thrown onto a bed. Our mouths crashed as I landed in fluffy down, and my shoe hit the floor with a loud thud. We ground into each other until she sat back to pull off her shirt.
The apartment's floor-to-ceiling windows continued into her bedroom, and the city's warm glow allowed me to take in, for the first time, perfectly formed muscles that pushed and pulled with every movement—both lean and muscled, hard but graceful.
She imprisoned me against the mattress, allowing me the freedom to run my shaking hands along a marble chest. I leaned up into her earthiness, inhaling a heady pine scent a second before she reattached her mouth to mine. Greedily, I ran my hands over every inch of her warm, naked skin, relishing the firm muscles that detained me.
She yanked my dress up. With a quick glance down, she groaned at the white lace panties glowing against my skin. Her fingertips hooked under the elastic, and I sucked in a breath as they dragged along the waistband, sending me into soft convulsions.
She reached beneath the lace to find me slick with longing. I bit my lip when she slid a finger along me. I pulled at her belt buckle, fighting with it until it gave, then threw it. Metal struck the wood floor, ringing through the room.
"You think since the moment I laid eyes on you," she said hoarsely between kisses, taunting me with her finger, "that I haven't wondered,"—she paused, rubbing me harder—"what it would feel like to be inside you?"
Her words cut to my core. Scorching eyes fixed on me as she stood, unbuttoned her pants, and shed her clothing with quick but graceful movements. Her erection seemed impossibly big. The thought of taking all of her inside me sent a ripple of heat up my aching body to my face.
She disappeared into her en suite bathroom and returned barefoot with a condom.
Disappointment flooded me. Lisa's skin on mine had revitalized me. I wanted nothing between us. "I'm on birth control."
"Trust me, I want to feel you, more than you know . . ." She leaned over the bed and planted a kiss on my pout. "But we have to be extra careful."
She was right, but I pushed the reasons why out of my head for fear they'd take over the moment. My hair fanned out beneath me. I writhed, impatient to have her inside me as she rolled on the condom.
She took my arms and tugged me into a sitting position. Reaching back to unzip the length of my dress, she inhaled a sharp breath. "No bra," she said, drawing the leather over my head. I pulled my knees to my chest, hugging myself, but she unfolded my arms, drinking in my naked body. "You're incredible."
She climbed over me, guiding my back against the mattress. I lifted my hips as she dragged my panties over my bent knees and down to my ankles, discarding them on the floor.
Her mouth found mine again, her tongue hungry and ravaging, and I pushed back, my teeth nipping at her bottom lip. She covered my quivering body as she slid her arms underneath me, pinning me to her. Her hips moved, and her kiss matched their pace. I became even wetter under her control—she was so maddeningly rigid against the inside of my thigh, rubbing her length up me, sliding along my opening before hitting my clit.
I thrust my hips up when I could no longer take it, opening my legs wider, steepling them for her. "Lisa." I exhaled. "Please, Lisa. I can't. I can't take it."
She spread my legs farther apart with her, baring me to her, and reached between us to deftly insert the tip of herself into me.
"Jennie," she growled, looking to the ceiling in pleasure. "You're so wet. So ready."
"Please." My voice pitched, impatient to fill the persistent ache Lisa had inspired with one look.
She moved onto her elbows. A small sound escaped me as she eased inside. she exhaled, as if she'd been holding her breath, while I inhaled sharply, clenching the sheets in unforgiving fists as she gave me every last inch. My walls molded around her, and heaven opened inside me. She was what I'd been missing all this time.
I didn't know how my face looked in that moment of pure bliss, but she whispered, "Are you okay?" We remained that way, momentarily immobilized by the earth-tilting sensation, until I managed a quick nod.
"You're so fucking warm, Jennie," she said, her eyes locked on mine. "From the moment we met, you've brought warmth to my life." Her breath quickened as she sought my mouth, kissing me as though it were the last thing she would ever do—needy, tender, and fast all at once.
She pulled out almost entirely and drove inside of me with a guttural groan. I gripped her arms and had only a second to put my legs around her before she thrust again, wrapping me up into her rhythm. Her pace accelerated quickly, giving me exactly what I wanted and more than I knew I needed. Within seconds she was mercilessly driving into me over and over—yes yes yes , she moaned as though voicing my thoughts. She reached for my hair and pulled it, bowing my head to allow her access to my mouth as we fucked.
Our bodies moved greedily after weeks of sizzling tension. I cried out brokenly, heat building within me.
Oh, God. I was actually going to . . . come?
Slowly, but also swiftly in a way, my orgasm mounted, pulling me into a world I'd never been.
It felt so fucking good. So right. So unlike anything I'd experienced with another person.
Lisa kissed that perfectly sensitive spot behind my ear. I licked and sucked the wet saltiness of her neck. I wanted this. I wanted to give her my first time. She whisked my forearms above my head in an iron grip, pushing them into the mattress. Our fingers intertwined, squeezing together as her thrusts became more and more frantic.
"Oh, God. You're so beautiful, so hot," she rasped. "Open up for me."
Open for me. Don't close, Jennie. Don't fuck this up.
Thoughts of opening and closing, heat and cold, inadequacy and flaws began to rush over me. Here I was, underneath the most beautiful man in the world, and I was certain she was the answer to questions I'd stopped asking long ago.
Could I do this for Lisa?
Let her in, give her the orgasm nobody else could draw from me?
As warmth receded, I had my answer. I couldn't do it. Lisa was wrong about me. I wasn't hot; I was cold and too flawed, even for her.
I heard my name and opened my eyes, realizing I'd been squeezing them shut. "Come back," she said, never breaking our rhythm. "Come on, Jennie. Look at me." I met her gaze as she moved into me, slightly slower but with more force. The change in momentum had me gasping for air. "Jennie," she moaned with such intense need that I moaned back and pulled her closer with my legs, urging her deeper.
"That's it. Don't look away," she said, picking up her pace again. "Oh, God. That's it."
She never lost eye contact. Never stopped fighting for me. I'd thought Lisa was the most dangerous thing in my life, but in the eye of the tornado we'd created, I could let go. I was safe here.
"Lisa," I cried suddenly. My bloodless fingertips tingled in her grasp; my thighs shook with the force of an impending explosion. She kissed me with the same force, giving me the push I needed to surrender.
"Let go, Jennie," she commanded against my lips, and I constricted around her as my control vanished.
Pleasure seared through me, and everything around me went white. I gave myself over to the first blissful wave that ripped through me as Lisa called my name over and over, coming fast and hard with me.
When I fell back to earth, our breathing had synced. Sweat began to cool my skin. As our fingers were still linked, Lisa was still inside me, securing her collapsed weight to me.
She drew back and smoothed her hands over my hairline, brushing the strands from my face. She kissed the place the hair had been, then my cheek and neck, lingering with each contact. "I have never," she whispered into my neck, "never come that fast. You drive me wild."
Gently, she pulled out of me, threw the condom on the ground, and sat back on her knees. The world slowed when I got up to face her. A heavy pit formed in my stomach as we watched each other.
I'd done it. I'd fucked another person.
I'd broken my vows and the trust that had been put in me.
And I'd used the advice of a dead woman who wasn't even six feet under to justify it.
I looked down at my naked body, opening my adulterous hands. My face contorted as tears threatened. I'd had opportunity after opportunity to walk away, yet I'd fallen so easily into Lisa's arms. How could I have used Davena to defend my weakness? She never would've told me to cheat. She'd be so disappointed.
I shook my head and covered my face, trying desperately to hide from Lisa what was coming. "No," I whispered into myself.
"Jennie, don't," Lisa pleaded.
I lifted myself from the bed. I had to get away now, or I'd never be able to leave her warmth.
But with my first couple steps, my trembling legs buckled, and I sank to the ground.
"No," I wailed as the truths I'd been fighting washed over me. Davena was truly gone. I hadn't even said good-bye. Mack had lost the love of her life. I'd made a mockery of my own marriage and had crossed a line I could never come back from. I'd given Lisa more than I ever had my husband, and even as regret descended, I wanted to stay in Lisa's bubble. "What have I done?"
My entire body shuddered with sobs as I folded over my knees. Tears spilled from my hands and disappeared on the floor. Coarse wood dug into my shins and elbows until Lisa's immense hands grasped my shoulders, drawing me up. When I was on my feet, she turned me to her, hugging me tightly as I shook.
"I'm here," she whispered feverishly. "Let me in. Let me help."
"You can't." Despair squeezed my chest, making its way up to my throat. "I don't know what you think you see in me, but I'm not that."
She placed her hands on both sides of my head, clearing the hair from my tear-streaked face. "I see a girl who wants to let go."
Her words struck something buried deep inside, and I shook my head harder, stepping back without breaking eye contact. "I'm not that. I don't want that," I said, pressing my palm forcefully against my chest. "I'm empty inside, Lisa, and I did that to myself. You don't understand. There's nothing left to give." That was why I'd built the life I had. I'd already opened my heart as wide as it would go, and it wasn't enough. Lisa deserved a woman who held nothing back. "I'm too fucked up. And you . . . oh, God. You're so beautiful."
Confessing my ever-present void knocked the breath from me. Lisa had a way of drawing out my closely guarded secrets, charming them from me like poisonous snakes.
Lisa looked equally horrified. I didn't know what to see in the way she stared at me. I only knew that I'd finally managed to drive her away, but not soon enough.
The damage was already done.