JENNIE

I didn't remember Lisa coming to bed the night before, but in the morning, big arms clutched me from behind. I smiled, perfectly content to remain pinned against her while I waited for her to wake up, too, but she stirred soon after and sighed against my hair.

"The first time we woke up together, you jumped out of bed before I even had the chance to kiss you," she said. "It was total bullshit."

I laughed lightly and rubbed her arm. "If it's any consolation, I was dying for that kiss, too."

"It is."

I rolled my head back to take in her sleepy face. "Were you up late?"

She just nodded and shifted to kiss me. As it grew heated, I moaned into her mouth. She pulled back suddenly. When her eyes fell to the bruise on my chest, she released me and climbed out of the bed.

I groaned and moved onto my back, cursing my sex-battered body. This act was going to get old really fast. I decided to try convincing her it was nothing again and headed into the bathroom to find her brushing her teeth.

"I've got an issue," she said before I could speak. She spat into the sink and set down her toothbrush. "I spoke with my engineer yesterday and things are falling behind on my New York project. I've been away too long, and they took my absence as an excuse to fuck off. I need to make a trip."

"Oh." I wasn't thrilled about spending time apart, but I'd gotten almost all of her attention lately. "When?"

"I'm going to see if I can get a ticket this afternoon."

"Today?" I exclaimed. "Lisa, Thanksgiving is tomorrow."

"I know, but this is important." She grabbed my robe off a hook and passed it over without looking at me. "Put this on."

"Why can't it wait until next week?" I asked, slipping into the robe, trying not to feel hurt.

"I let some shit slide for too long, and now it's catching up to me."

I knotted the sash at my waist. "Who's even working on Thanksgiving?"

"They will be," she said simply, "because they fucked up my schedule."

I gaped at her. "You can't be serious. You're going to fly in and out in one day?"

She turned her back to me. "Actually, I'll have to stay through the weekend."

What the hell? That made no sense. It was a holiday weekend, and nobody would be working. Not to mention we had plans. "Your sister's expecting us," I pointed out.

"She'll understand. You can still go without me."

"Of course I'm going," I said, bristling. "It would be rude not to."

"All right." She walked over and kissed the top of my head. "Come on, beautiful. Let's fix us something to eat."

As I followed her to the kitchen, it dawned on me. This had nothing to do with a fuck-up in New York. It was about Lisa's perceived mistakes here in our bed. Would she seriously go all the way to New York to ensure she didn't hurt me again? "What about Miami with Rosé and everyone?"

"I'll have to cancel with Mingyu," she said. "I'm really sorry. I know you were looking forward to it."

"But you already bought the tickets."

"They're just miles," she said, retrieving a mug from a cupboard.

She couldn't even look me in the eye. Something dark was definitely brewing in that head of her, and for once, she was the one trying to shut me out. But I wouldn't let her, just as she'd never let me. "This is about the marks, isn't it?"

She paused and let her hip fall against the counter. "I am needed in New York. If not for you, I would've been there almost the entire past two weeks." She scratched the back of her neck. "But the bruises do concern me."

"They're nothing to be concerned about," I said as patiently as I could.

"Maybe they don't hurt," she said. "But they're there because I lost control. Sometimes I'm so consumed with you, I . . ." She shoved a hand in her hair and shook her head. "I don't think straight. When I saw the evidence of that on your body, it hit me hard. I could go overboard, Jennie."

I crossed the kitchen and placed my hands on her chest. "I trust you. I'd be more concerned if you didn't lose yourself in me, and frankly, it hurts that you want to be away from me."

She set down her mug. Her hands slid under my hair and clasped around my neck. "You know I don't want that. But the only thing I want more than to be with you is to know you're safe."

"So why do you have to go away?" I asked. "Couldn't I meet you there on Friday?"

Her hesitation was all the confirmation I needed. She was willing to put distance between us instead of hearing the truth. I slipped out of her grasp and walked out of the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" She called after me.

"Work."

"Jennie," she said, but I ignored her and headed for the shower.

The drive to work was predictably quiet as I agonized over what this could do to us. If Lisa tried to throw cold water onto our sex life, where would that leave us?

When she pulled up to the curb, I kept my eyes down on my hands.

She leaned in and kissed my cheek. When I didn't respond, she said, "Come on. I know you're upset, but I need a better send-off than that. I won't see you for a few days."

"That's not my fault," I said.

After a moment of silence, she said, "Look. I'll think about changing your flight from Miami to New York on Friday, all right? I just need a night to myself to think through this. To get a clear head."

So it was okay for her to need space and figure this out without me? Maybe it was childish of me, but I wasn't going to go along with her plan. I tore my gaze from my lap and looked at her. "I'm going to Miami."

She drew back. "What?"

"If you want to throw away your ticket, that's fine. But I don't see why I should have to."

"Why would you want to go without me?" she asked.

"Because I was looking forward to it, and everyone else is going, and . . . and it wouldn't be fair to Rosé if I ditched her."

And because I know you won't want me to go without you.

"Jennie, be reasonable," she said. "Don't just go because you're upset with me."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You're picking a fight with me. Don't test me."

Don't test me . . .

It was turning out to be her favorite thing to say, and incidentally, in the wrong situation, something that pissed me off. "You can't order me around," I said. "I'm supposed to be your partner, not your plaything."

Her eyes widened. "I know that. We are partners. And I'll take you to Miami whenever you want, but—"

"That's not the point," I said.

"Precisely. You don't even care about going, you just want to defy me."

"Defy you?" I gaped. "Are you my father? My babysitter?"

"The point is, because I need time to think and because I must work, I can't be there this weekend. I don't want you going."

"You always tell me not to run away," I said, unbuckling my seatbelt, "but that's exactly what you're doing. This sex thing is something we need to work out together."

"I agree," she said. "But I get so caught up in you—I don't . . . I don't trust myself right now. Going away means I can sort through this and keep my hands off you."

"Sort through it alone. Which is exactly what you told me not to do." I grabbed the door handle.

"Hang on, Jennie."

"No." I got out and slammed the door before she could convince me otherwise.

I flew by Somi's desk and threw my things on the couch in my office.

How dare she? Does she think she can just order me around?

I sat at my desk and tried to work, but with every passing hour, I gradually admitted to myself that I'd intentionally pushed Lisa's buttons. There was no part of me that wanted to go to Florida without her, but she needed to see that her guilt was baseless.

I sighed at my computer screen.

We were both wrong. She was running away from something she'd convinced herself was a problem, and I hadn't handled it well. Fighting with Lisa was my least favorite pastime, so I broke down and sent her a text.

Me: Can we talk? Been thinking lots. xo

I felt instantly better as I went back to work. But once lunchtime had passed, and I still hadn't heard from her, I realized there was a chance she was already New York-bound. I hated the idea that she'd left while we were on bad terms, so I wrote her an e-mail.

From: Jennie Kim

Sent: Wed, November 21 01:31 PM CST

To: Lisa Manoban

Subject: Miami

Lisa,

I'm sorry about this morning. I shouldn't have stormed off. I know you're only being protective, but you can't treat me like a possession. If I want to go to Miami, I will. That said, I'd rather not be there without you. Rosé will be disappointed, and I am, too, but we can go another time.

Jennie Kim

Senior Editor

Chicago Metropolitan

In the late afternoon, my heart skipped happily when my phone rang, and Lisa's name flashed across the screen. "Hi," I answered.

"Hi, beautiful," she said. "Thanks for the e-mail. Sorry I haven't been able to reach out until now."

"I hate when we fight."

"Me, too. Listen, I had some time to think on the plane. I was an ass about Miami. And I love to hear you say you're mine, but in no way do I see you as a possession. Just the woman I love and want to keep safe."

"I get that," I said, flicking a paperclip against my thumbnail. "But I have my own life, Lisa. And sometimes you won't agree with my choices."

It took her a moment, but she said, "Noted." I thought I detected some hesitation, but that didn't surprise me. I'd been married five years and had learned how to compromise—as a long-time bachelorette, Lisa was just starting that journey.

"I know you were looking forward to Miami," Lisa continued, "and so was I. I'm going to move some things around, and I'll meet you there—"

"Really?" I exclaimed.

"Yes, but not until Saturday morning. That way I can work late Friday to wrap things up."

"That's a lot of travel," I said before getting too excited. "You won't be too tired?"

"To see you? No. And I'll get to relax once I'm there. It's the best I can do." She said something away from the receiver, then to me, "I have to run. Anything else?"

I hesitated, not wanting to reopen a touchy subject but also worried about how she'd act when I saw her next. "What about the bruises?" I asked.

"We'll figure it out together when I see you."

"Thank you. I love you," I blurted and smiled. "And I miss you already."

"Miss you more, baby. I'll call you before bed."

I hung up feeling much better. We were back on the same page, and we'd get our weekend in the sun.

I'd never been alone in Lisa's apartment for an extended period, and it would take some getting used to. I didn't like sleeping without her, and I told her so. Her place was big, quiet, and unfamiliar. Without her, my nightmares crept back in. They weren't as jolting as they'd once been, but they still edged my sleep. And I could tell over the phone that it tore her apart to hear that.

I spent Thanksgiving morning writing, which made Lisa ecstatic for some reason. I continued to do it because I enjoyed it and because I especially liked anything that made her that happy.

In the afternoon, I got ready to drive the Mercedes to her sister's place in Joliet for Thanksgiving dinner. I'd gotten a stern lesson from Lisa about handling her baby, during which I'd painted my nails and made an occasional noise to indicate I was listening. So, I drove carefully, and it took me about forty-five minutes to get there, but I found Jihyo's house easily—a two-story, traditional-style home with dark green shutters and a matching door.

Jihyo came outside to greet me with a hug. Inside, there were obvious signs of a ten-year-old boy strewn around the house—toy trucks, athletic trophies, video games, well-worn tennis shoes.

"Sorry it's a mess," she said, even though things had been mostly put away.

"It's not," I said. "It's a home."

"That, it definitely is," she agreed.

It was just the three of us, as Lisa's parents were on a cruise for the week. Jihyo had promised a casual meal for that reason and had charged me with bringing a pumpkin pie.

She motioned that I should sit at the kitchen table as she finished cooking. "Excited for Florida tomorrow?"

"Oh, yes," I said. "I could use the beach time."

"Sounds nice." She took a bottle of red wine from her pantry. "Merlot all right?" she asked. "Lisa said it's your favorite."

I smiled to myself. Lisa was my favorite. Lisa and her bold mouth calling me "full-bodied . . . with an aftertaste that sticks on my tongue."

"Merlot's perfect," I told Jihyo.

As she uncorked the bottle, Alex scurried into the kitchen looking for food.

"Say hello to Jennie," Jihyo said, pouring two glasses.

"Hi," he said. "Where's Aunt Lisa? Are you her girlfriend?"

I laughed, more out of surprise than anything. "You don't miss a thing, do you?"

"He misses everything ," Jihyo said under her breath. "But it's kind of impossible in this case considering Lisa won't shut up about her new girlfriend."

I fought back a shy smile and answered Alex. "Lisa had to work, but she sends her love and pumpkin pie," I said. "How're you feeling since your appendectomy?"

"Huh?"

"Your surgery, sweetie," Jihyo said.

He shrugged. "Fine."

"I was more freaked out than he was," Jihyo said. "He had these awful cramps, so I took him right to the hospital. Good thing, too, because they said his appendix almost burst."

"That sounds terrifying," I said and took a sip of wine.

She nodded. "Thank God for Aunt Lisa. I was a mess. She told me she ran out on an important date with you, so thanks for letting us steal her for a night."

"Of course," I said. "Gosh. I'm just glad Alex is okay."

I did a double take when Alex narrowed his eyes at me. I was getting the feeling he didn't like me, but I always got that impression with kids. I remembered I'd told Jisoo that once, and she'd assured me it was my imagination.

When Alex disappeared to play Halo, Jihyo gave me a sly smile. "So," she said, drawing out the word. "Lisa says she's hoping to start work on your guys' new house in the next couple weeks."

I set down my wineglass. "Wait, really? I didn't know that."

"Oh, shit. I hope she wasn't trying to surprise you." She laughed. "Whatever. You must be excited. Going to get in there and knock down some walls?"

After the way she and I had argued about her buying the house, I doubted she meant to surprise me. I nodded but bit my bottom lip.

Weeks? That soon? But why was I surprised? Lisa moved at lightning speed when it came to me.

Jihyo arched an eyebrow as she removed candied yams from the oven. "You seem nervous about that."

I shifted in my seat, wondering when I'd become such an open book. Or maybe reading minds was a Manoban family trait. "Those smell amazing," I said. "Where'd you get the recipe?"

"My mom. I'll give it to you," she said. "And nice try. In case you haven't figured it out, nobody in this family will let you change the subject."

I laughed into my Merlot. "That much is obvious." I sighed. "I'm excited about the house, I just didn't expect it so soon. It's a lot of money and a big commitment."

"Well, Lisa's over the moon about it. I don't think she cares how much she spends." She slipped off her oven mitts and waved one around the kitchen. "She tried to fix up this place for me, but I told her not to bother. Alex would destroy it anyway."

I smiled as Alex yelled something from the other room.

"Ignore him, he's gaming," she explained, rolling her eyes.

"They're close, aren't they?" I asked. "Lisa and Alex."

"Thankfully, yes. Alex's dad has a new family now, so they don't see each other much." She picked up her wine and glanced toward the door Alex had gone through. "Al looks up to Lisa, even though I wish she was around more. She works a lot."

I nodded. "Lisa's very passionate."

She snorted. "She's working on fucking Thanksgiving. But aside from that, she's great with Alex. She's completely devoted when she cares about something."

"I've, um, noticed," I said.

"Don't let her work schedule deter you, though."

"From what?" I asked.

"Once she slows down—and she's already starting to since she met you—she'll be a great parent," she said and waggled her eyebrows.

"Oh."

Fuck. Shit.

It occurred to me for the first time that this whole children topic wouldn't just affect Lisa and me, but her family, too. Did her parents expect more grandkids? How would they feel if I never came around to the idea? I wasn't sure I could bring myself to disappoint them.

Or Lisa.

What did that mean for our future then? How far would I go to keep her, and, by extension, her wonderful family?

I cleared my throat. "I agree. So for the yams—"

"You've talked about it then?" Jihyo asked. "Kids?"

My heart sank. I hadn't even had this conversation with Lisa yet, but it didn't look like Jihyo would let me off the hook. "Well, no, not really," I said. "It hasn't come up."

She inclined her head. "It hasn't?"

"No," I admitted. "Do you, um, think that's something Lisa wants?"

"You should probably talk to her about that, not me." Jihyo came to sit down next to me. "But I guess I brought it up, so . . ." She leaned in conspiratorially. "I don't think you need to worry. She hasn't mentioned starting a family with you yet, but I'd be shocked if she wasn't ready soon."

Soon. Oh, God.

Bits and pieces of past conversations with Taehyung pelted me like little bullets.

"When?" I asked. "What's soon to you?"

"I don't know. Six months?"

I stared at Jihyo and made no move that might give me away.

"I need more time," I said.

"I'm ready now."

I whirled from the sink to face Taehyung. "Now?"

I couldn't believe I was already back in this place and with no clearer answers as to how to handle it.

Jihyo laughed softly. "Aw, honey. Don't look so nervous," she said, rubbing my shoulder. "I know my sister can be a little stiff, but you've seen her with Alex. She'll loosen up. I don't think there's anything she wouldn't give you. Really, don't stress."

Panic settled in my chest. "I . . ."

She stopped rubbing my shoulder. "Oh my God," she said in a whisper. "Are you already pregnant?"

"No, " I exclaimed. "Oh my God. No."

Her eyebrows knit. "Then what . . .?"

It wasn't something I'd really planned to discuss yet, not even with Lisa. But Jihyo looked so concerned. And in a way, although I knew it wasn't possible, she felt like a neutral party. With a kid of her own, and a divorce under her belt, she might even have advice in this area.

I waited until I had resumed air intake. "Taehyung wanted children," I said. "I didn't. It was a very contentious topic."

"Oh. I . . ." She exhaled as realization dawned. "Are you saying you still don't want them? Even with Lisa?"

"I—I don't know, Jihyo." I put my head in my hands. "I've barely had time to think about it—everything has been such a whirlwind. It seems too early to even bring it up." I peeked up at her. Her eyes glued to me, but she wore no expression, which I guessed was better than judgment or horror. "Did you have doubts before you had Alex?"

She shook her head. "No, sorry. I always knew I wanted kids, and if I ever marry again, I'll have more."

"Oh."

She chewed the inside of her cheek. "I'm sure it feels super confusing. I feel for you." She sat back. "But you have to have this conversation with her."

"I know I do," I said, looking away. "Things are still so new, though. I mean, in a way, we're still getting to know each other. It seems too soon."

And I don't want to lose her. I can't lose her.

"Jennie," she said, "my sister is crazy about you. It's definitely not too soon to bring it up." She leaned in to take my hand. "If you're as serious about her as she is about you, then you need to bring it up soon."

"I've never been more serious, not even with Taehyung," I promised her, and my heart squeezed. Kids? Already? Not weeks ago, I'd been having that same dreadful conversation with Taehyung. Didn't I get some time to adjust, to just enjoy what Lisa and I were doing?

"You know, some women don't feel maternal at your age," she pointed out. "You might feel differently after you and Lisa have been together a while."

I might, yes. Or, I might never feel the desire to have children. And then what?

I nodded and forced a smile because I didn't know what else to say. "You're right. I'm sure it'll be fine."

She opened her mouth and paused before speaking. "Raising a child is not easy, though. Don't . . . don't do it for the wrong reasons."

I swallowed dryly. If it was a dealbreaker for Lisa, I wasn't sure I could make Jihyo that promise.

"I won't say anything to her," Jihyo continued. "But for your own peace of mind, you should talk to her soon. She's planning her whole life around you. She needs to know if kids aren't in the cards."

My gut ached with the truth in her words. With Taehyung, I guessed that I would've eventually caved on having children, whether or not that was what I wanted. I'd thought I'd owed it to him, and I knew, in the end, how hard he would've pushed to get his way.

But Lisa would never push me. If I told her the truth about how I felt . . . She'd never ask me to go through with it. So that left only two options: Lisa's sacrifice or mine.

Or the third option, of course. If neither of us was willing to give, then we'd have no choice but to go our separate ways.