JENNIE
I would've never thought spending a couple days without my girlfriend would be so hard. Even though Taehyung had traveled frequently for work, and at times might be gone for up to two weeks, I'd always managed fine. By Friday, missing Lisa had made me frustrated, restless, and lonely. That was when I realized that not only was she my girlfriend and my exceptional love, but she'd also become my best friend.
Something had been weighing heavily on my mind, though, and I wanted to take care of it before I saw her next. She wouldn't be happy about it, but I wanted to do it for her most of all.
On my way to the airport to catch my flight to Miami, I stopped by Taehyung's office. Since I hadn't made an appointment, I wasn't sure he'd be there. But last year, he'd worked the day after Thanksgiving, so I took my chances.
I stopped in the doorway of his fancy leathery office. Our photo on the lake had disappeared from his desk, and he'd gelled his brown hair away from his face, a style I'd never seen him wear to work. "Hey."
His head snapped up, but he didn't look surprised. "Jennie." He stood and straightened his tie. "What can I do for you?"
So formal after the way he'd humiliated me at my office. "A very friendly gentleman delivered divorce papers to me at work earlier this week."
He nodded. "I'm aware."
"You're filing on grounds of adultery?" I asked. "I was hoping we could go about this differently."
"Why?"
"That won't affect how much you get in the divorce, and you might still have to pay alimony."
"You've done your homework," he said, tilting his head. "Or maybe you have a lawyer already?"
I took a couple steps into the office, keeping my handbag at my side. "All I can think is that your intent is to embarrass me with a trial."
"It's not." He stuck his hands into his pockets. "My intent is to embarrass you both. Lisa should be exposed for what she is."
"Taehyung, look." I went and sat in one of the cushy chairs in front of his big, wooden desk. "I'm not denying that what we did was awful, and that we're in the wrong. But it doesn't make sense for you to waste resources on this." I appealed to his logical side as he'd once done with me when my emotions had taken over. "Trust me, Lisa has no problem shelling out whatever she has to. You're smart about money. Don't burn it just to watch me suffer."
"Well, shouldn't I get something out of all this?" he asked, throwing up his arms. "Chicago has this guy on a goddamn pedestal. If I don't get a trial, then I'm going to the press. She deserves to be outed as the homewrecker she is."
"We all wrecked this," I snapped. "You, me, and Lisa. You share some of the blame, too."
His eyes narrowed on me. "If you want something from me, this isn't the way to get it."
"I'm sick of both of you acting like little kids fighting over a toy," I said and pursed my lips. "It was my decision to make—not hers, not yours. Lisa has the money to fight back in ways that could devastate you, and if you try to hurt her, I won't stop her from trying."
"Jesus." Taehyung scoffed. "You have an affair for months, lie about it, call Jisoo's sister nasty names, and now you're threatening me? I don't even know you anymore."
The truth was, he never really had—not the whole me. He'd chosen to accept the parts that suited him and ignore what didn't. And Lisa had shown me that was no way for either Taehyung or me to live. "I want you to drop the adultery charge," I said. "And I want the divorce in six months instead of two years."
"Why would I agree to that?" he asked. "So you can run off and marry her?"
"I'm trying to protect you, Taehyung," I said. "I don't want to drag this out. It's not healthy emotionally or financially. I want us all to move on."
"Move on?" he asked, rounding the desk with his brows furrowed. "It's only been weeks." He stopped a few feet away, looking down at me. "Well, weeks for me. But I guess you've been planning this for a while."
"You know that's not true," I said. "This is all new to me, too."
He blew out a sigh, glancing out his office window. "What's messed up is that even with what you did, I could still, somehow, get stuck paying alimony."
That was true, unfair as it was. But I could prevent it. All I had to do was let go of the things that scared me and trust in the decisions I'd made. Lisa's love had done something to me. In the little time we'd spent together, she'd proven her love was real and that I not only had it . . . I deserved it.
There was no victim here, and no villain, either. Taehyung and I had both made mistakes that caused us suffering. "I've put you through a lot," I said, "and I'm sorry. I really am. But I think one day you'll see that this isn't all my fault."
"I don't think—"
"If you agree to the six months, I'll waive the right to alimony," I said. "Not only that, but you can keep the car and everything you didn't throw in those boxes. All I want is what I contributed to the savings account."
"Are you crazy?" he asked. "Your contributions are measly compared to what you could get in alimony. Why would you do that?"
I picked at my fingernail. "I have my reasons."
Taehyung's eyebrows rose. "She put you up to this?"
"It's my decision," I said.
"Your share isn't even enough for legal fees—or anything really."
"I know."
His tongue shot into his cheek as he thought. "So I just get . . . everything else?"
"Yes. I'm asking you this final favor. For me," I pleaded. "If you ever loved me . . . let me go."
I read the pity in his eyes clearly. He was thinking that Lisa would leave me with nothing. He knew, as a lawyer, the risk I was taking, and I'd figured he'd try to talk me out of it. But he didn't.
"All right," he said slowly. "If I'm completely exempt from alimony, I'll agree to six months. But I have a condition."
I folded my hands in my lap. "Okay," I prompted.
Hesitation crossed his face, but it was fleeting. "Beyond the divorce proceedings, you and I no longer have any contact whatsoever."
And just like that, in a matter of weeks, our relationship had come to its abrupt end. It had never occurred to me that Taehyung would one day be just a memory. Something that had happened but was no longer. And that one day, the years I'd given him would seem like so little time.
Taehyung's request only came from anger and hurt, but, regardless, he was right. It would be easiest to make as clean a split as possible. I looked at him with sadness and regret—not for losing him but for the pain I'd caused him. I now knew that we were wrong for each other, but it didn't change the fact that we had loved each other. And I didn't want to hurt him anymore. For that, I knew the only way to make things right was to cut him free. So I said, "Agreed."
--
Rosé, Jaehyun, Mingyu, and his new girlfriend had all been in Florida since the day before, so they were already settled into Mingyu's parents' house by the time I arrived. Just outside Miami, the four-bedroom place on the water comfortably fit the group of us. Mingyu showed me to a room upstairs. We had plans for a sunset dinner, so I dropped my things and changed into a navy shift dress and knee-high brown boots.
As I curled my hair, Rosé knocked and poked her head into the bathroom. "Ready yet?" she asked.
"Almost, but can you curl the back of my hair?"
She assumed the position behind me to fix the pieces I'd missed. "So," she started, "I have something to tell you that you're not going to like."
I sighed. That sounded about right. "Already? I just got here."
"Sorry." She twisted her lips, focused on the curling iron. "Apparently, Jaehyun still keeps in touch with your ex, Kai."
Kai Jongin. My first real boyfriend, to whom I'd also lost my virginity. "I didn't know that, but it makes sense," I said. "Jaehyun introduced us freshman year."
"Well, Kai lives in Miami now," Rosé said, and met my eyes in the bathroom mirror.
"Rosé," I warned. "Please don't tell me Jaehyun invited him tonight."
She cringed. "I told him to undo it, but he's bitching about how rude it would be to disinvite him."
"Ugh," I said, glancing at the ceiling. "Lisa won't like me having dinner with my ex-boyfriend."
"I know." She nodded. "I tried to tell Jaehyun he'd have Lisa to answer to, but it's like he's making up for lost time or something. Jaehyun thinks us hanging out will be like 'the good old days,' which, by the way, is his favorite phrase as of late, and I swear if I hear it one more time, I'm going to strangle him."
I was beginning to think Jaehyun had less desire to atone for the past and more desire to recreate it. Could he be stuck in "the good old days" with a case of Peter Pan syndrome?
"Well, Jaehyun just has to be an adult and cancel," I said resolutely.
"Kai's already on his way," she informed me. "Sorry, girl. I won't tell Lisa if you won't."
"You're delusional if you think she won't find out," I said to her reflection. "The girl knows everything ."
"Deal with it tomorrow?" she suggested.
"I guess." Seemed as if it was already time for me to back up my speech about letting me make my own choices. "If I were still with Taehyung, I wouldn't even think twice about it."
"Seriously. It's been years—it's just a simple reunion, not a set-up," she said. "So did you meet Mingyu's new girlfriend or whatever she is?"
"No, how is she?"
"Kind of quiet from what I can tell." She set down the curling iron and half-rolled her eyes. "We haven't exactly been chumming it up, the group of us."
"Sorry Lisa and I left you hanging last night," I said.
"No worries." She plucked at my curls and drew back to study her work, then gasped as my earrings caught the light. "Whoa. I've never seen these before."
I smiled slyly. "A gift."
"So let me get this straight—Lisa's gorgeous, sexy, romantic . . . and she buys you expensive things?" She sighed wistfully. "You must be a tiger in the sack."
I laughed. "All evidence points to yes."
"There must be something wrong with her," she said.
"Well, she can't really cook," I offered with a shrug. "Although she tries with breakfast food, which is nice. And . . ." I hesitated, fixing my watch on my wrist. "She can be a little possessive."
"So I noticed. And kind of controlling, Jen." She walked around to perch on the counter in front of me. "Is that something I should be worried about?"
"We're working through it," I said. "Ultimately, she means well, and I like that she's so into me. I'll take her being a little overbearing when she makes me this sublimely happy."
"Make sense . . . lucky bitch," she said with a giggle.
"Jaehyun made you that happy once," I pointed out. "Doesn't he still?"
"Sure." She reached out to pick a strand of my hair off my shoulder. "I think this weekend away will be good for us, though."
"How come?"
"You know how it is in the city," she said, looking to one side. "Work, cramped spaces, stressful commute. It's a lot for a new relationship."
"Is everything all right?" I asked.
"Yeah, of course. I'm getting what I didn't realize I still wanted. All this time I never stopped thinking about Jaehyun. So, yeah, I'm glad he finally came around."
"Okay." I nodded, trying to determine if that was the whole truth. "But it's perfectly fine to change your mind about him, too. You know that, right?"
"I know." She linked her elbow with mine, her eyes shining. "Let's chow down."
I grabbed my purse, and we went downstairs. Mingyu introduced us to his girlfriend, Kat, who had waist-length brown hair and squeaked like a mouse when I shook her hand.
To enjoy the temperate night, we walked the few blocks to the restaurant. The moment we entered, Jaehyun yelled across the restaurant to Kai, who was seated at the bar. I hadn't given Jaehyun a thorough lashing yet, mainly because I hadn't had a chance. And I knew Lisa would get to it herself.
As soon as Kai's eyes locked on me, he grinned and stood from his barstool. "Hey, you," he said and wrapped me in a hug. "Long time."
"Hi, Kai." He and I had dated on-and-off my first two years of college. After he'd dumped me for good, we'd remained distant friends because of Jaehyun. Even though it'd been years, I still got a few butterflies seeing the first boy I'd loved. With dark blond hair and green eyes, he was solid and tall, but nowhere near Lisa's towering frame. He'd always been good-looking, but he'd known it.
I remembered Kai as a bit more straight-edge, a bit of stability during a fresh start at school, but now, a tattoo peeked out from his sleeve. "That's new."
"Yeah. You like it?" He placed his hand on my shoulder and guided me over to the table where a hostess seated the others. "You look great, Deukie," he whispered as he pulled out my chair and then sat down next to me.
Mingyu cleared his throat from one end of the table, giving Kai a once-over. "I don't think we've met," he said.
"Kai, meet Mingyu," Jaehyun said. "K's an old friend of ours from college."
"Aha." Mingyu's eyes darted between Kai and me, and he scratched the back of his head. "Nobody told me we had a sixth."
"Jaehyun's fault," I said, shooting Jaehyun a daggered look that he ignored.
We promptly ordered a few bottles of wine. As Mingyu lamented about the day's poor surf conditions, Kai leaned over to me. "Jaehyun told me about Taehyung. Sorry to hear it," he said, but he smirked.
"Are you?" I asked.
Kai grabbed a bottle of white wine from the center of the table and poured me a glass. "Not really. You got me."
"Kai," I admonished.
"No, I'm just messing," he said, raising his glass. "Divorce is rough, babe. Or so I've heard."
"It is, but I have someone to help me through it."
"Rosé?" he asked with a playful waggle of his eyebrows.
"No," I replied and clinked his glass with mine. "My amazing girlfriend. Did Jaehyun mention her?"
"Yeah. I'm glad Jaehyun invited me tonight," he said, ignoring the topic.
I sipped my wine and looked into the glass. Chardonnay. Great. That made me miss Lisa's company all the more. "Why's that?" I asked.
"Just because," Kai said. "Haven't seen you since graduation. We get to catch up."
I nodded but narrowed my eyes at him in warning.
Since Lisa and I were the reason the group had come together, I did my best to keep the conversation flowing. Jaehyun, Rosé, Kai, and I reminisced about college, memories that came easier the more we drank. Whereas Rosé and I got giddier as we drank, Jaehyun and Kai seemed to get more nostalgic. The way they grasped at a long-gone past only made me more grateful my present was as close to perfect as ever.
When Kai excused himself to the bathroom, Jaehyun leaned over Rosé's lap to get my attention. "So?" he asked just above a whisper. "Kai?"
"Kai what?" I asked.
"You guys seem to be getting along."
I raised my eyebrows. "Yeah. And?"
"I'm just saying." Jaehyun grinned. "How awesome would it be if you guys got back together now that you're single again? It'd be like the good old d—"
"Don't fucking say 'good old days' one more time," Rosé interrupted. "And what the hell are you even talking about? Jen isn't single."
"You know what I mean." He jutted his chin at me. "She's no longer hitched."
I glanced at Mingyu, who was thankfully preoccupied with his date. I didn't need him relaying any of this to Lisa and getting him riled up from twelve-hundred miles away. "Did you set this up on purpose?" I asked Jaehyun.
He shrugged. "I just think it would be cool."
Rosé grimaced and beat me to my response. "You're a dick."
He glanced at her. "Why, babe? I thought you'd be into it."
"Because I'm with Lisa," I said.
Rosé just shook her head and gave me an apologetic look.
Jaehyun leaned back into his seat, but not before he said to me, "Think about it."
The waiter arrived with our meals, and as he distributed them, I studied Jaehyun. We'd been best friends in college. I'd enjoyed getting to know him again, but the bond we'd had before didn't seem to exist anymore. Rosé was right—he was a dick. Maybe he always had been. Inviting Kai with the assumption that he could lure me away from Lisa made me mildly sick to my stomach.
I wasn't the only one watching Jaehyun. At first, I assumed Mingyu's thoughts were also on protecting his friend Lisa as he stared at Jaehyun over his glass of wine—until his eyes shifted to Rosé. Did I detect a hint of jealousy in them? I forked a bite of salmon and decided to ask her later if she'd ever give Mingyu another chance.
"So, Kai," Rosé said, "seeing anyone special these days?"
"I see some special girls at this table right now," he said, glancing between the two of us.
"Well, hands off, chap, they're all spoken for," Mingyu said, and his usually jovial tone held an edge of warning.
"I know, dude," Kai replied. "I'm messing around." But he was giving me his best fuck-me eyes, and he had been all night. Flirtatious by nature, but not afraid to go for what he wanted—it was what'd drawn me to him in the first place. I silently thanked the universe that I had Lisa and wouldn't have to make up an excuse to shake Kai later.
Kai lowered his voice. "So, is it serious with this new one?"
"Yes." I nodded, biting off the tip of an asparagus spear. "Very ."
"And where, pray tell, is she tonight?" he asked.
"New York for work." I inclined forward as if to tell him a secret. "She gets here in the morning."
"Ah, interesting," Kai said.
I turned to Mingyu's new girlfriend, who I'd almost forgotten was here, and asked her what she did for a living. Her voice was so soft that I could barely hear her response. I just nodded and took another bite until she stopped talking.
Rosé leaned over a moment later and whispered, "What's with her? She's creepy."
"She is not, Sé," I said. "Maybe a little shy."
"She's barely said a word. Which is probably why Mingyu likes her," Rosé reasoned. "She won't complain when all he talks about is himself."
"Be nice," I scolded but stifled a laugh.
"Do you think she's cute?" Rosé asked.
"Yes." I arched an eyebrow. Perhaps the jealousy I thought I'd seen in Mingyu ran both ways. "Why?"
"She's all right, I guess," she said and then sat back and kissed Jaehyun on the cheek.
I wondered if Mingyu had heard her, since he made a fist around his fork. His eyes quickly shifted to me, and he smiled. I smiled back. Regardless of Rosé's opinions, I liked Mingyu, and I could tell that he was watching out for me in Lisa's absence.
"More wine?" Kai asked, positioning the mouth of the bottle over my glass.
"I shouldn't."
"Come on."
"No," I said. "I think I'm good."
"Aw, Deukie," he sang, the way he used to when he was trying to convince me of something.
"Kai," I replied in the same voice, shaking my head.
He put the chardonnay down and his eyes drifted to my neck. "Did I tell you how pretty you look tonight?"
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked.
"I was just thinking about us. You know." He shrugged. "We have a long history."
"History, yes," I said. "Future, no."
He laughed a little, then stuck out his bottom lip. "I'm not a kid anymore. I was stupid to let a girl like you get away. I'm happy to hear this Taehyung guy's out of the picture."
"How can you say that?" I asked at his offhand comment when the last several months had been anything but easy. "That was my marriage."
"Candidly . . . because it gives me a second chance," he said.
"It doesn't, though," I said, folding my napkin in my lap. "I told you. I have a girlfriend."
"Who's in New York," he pointed out. "So, maybe you and I could, you know, get a drink after this. Without the others."
I stared at Kai a second. The idea was so ridiculous that it fizzled my anger, and I burst out laughing.
His expression fell. "What's the big deal? You cheated on Taehyung, didn't you?"
My laugh vanished with his proverbial gut punch. So because I'd done it to Taehyung, I would to Lisa? Kai's interest had just gone from harmless to insulting. "The big deal is that my girlfriend is ten times the person you ever were."
"Aw, Jen, come on," Kai said. "You don't even know me anymore."
"I don't need to," I said. "Sorry, babe."
Kai inclined farther toward me, and I realized I'd slid to the opposite edge of my seat. "Think about it," he said. "We make perfect sense. We were college sweethearts."
"There's literally nothing you can say to convince me," I told him. "So you can back off. I'm totally and completely taken. I might as well be—"
"Jennie," I heard behind me.
I whipped around at the endlessly deep voice that made my heart soar. Lisa stood over me, arms crossed, wearing an expensive suit and a hard gaze. Just her tone alone was enough to quiet the table.
I jumped up and threw my arms around her neck. "What are you doing here?"
"Who's this?" Kai asked behind me.
"Girlfriend," Lisa bit out. "Who the fuck are you?"
Since Lisa was still as a statue, I drew back. "You came early," I said as my shock melted into a big smile.
"Who is this guy?" Lisa responded, nodding over my head.
"It's Kai Jongin, my—"
"Kai? Ex-boyfriend Kai?" Lisa clipped. Her nostrils flared and her gaze cut across the table. "Mingyu?"
"Sorry, mate," Mingyu said. "I didn't know until I got here, and they told me he was just a friend."
"Mate?" Rosé uttered under her breath. "Is he Australian now?"
Lisa's eyes met mine. "Outside. Now."
"Is there a problem, Jen?" Kai asked.
"No," Lisa answered for me. "And I'd advise you to keep your mouth shut."
Before leaving the table, I turned back to Kai. "Ten times," I reminded him. "I mean it."
Outside, I shivered despite a much nicer evening than it would've been in Chicago right now.
"We're apart a couple nights, and you're having dinner with your ex?" Lisa started.
"It's not like that," I said, rubbing my hands over my sleeved arms. "Jaehyun has some twisted idea about recreating the past, and he invited Kai without telling anyone."
"You didn't know he'd be here?"
"No, baby. I swear. I'm totally uncomfortable with this. Trust me?"
Lisa pressed the bridge of her nose between her thumb and index finger. "Yes. I trust you, and I trust this," she said, motioning between us. "It's everyone else I don't trust. And I don't like the way he was leaning on you."
I didn't love it, either, if I was honest, so I remained quiet.
She cocked he4 head. "Why aren't you arguing with me?"
"Because you're right."
She frowned. "Excuse me?"
"You're right. I was clear that I have a girlfriend, but Kai won't back off. He seems to think because I cheated on Taehyung that I'd . . ."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Lisa asked, shoulders tensing. "He said that?"
"Not outright." I put my hand on Lisa's forearm. "But I'm trusting you not to explode. If you freak out every time I confide in you about something I know you won't like, I'm going to stop." I slid my hand up her biceps until she visibly relaxed. "It doesn't matter to me. I see right through his garbage. He's no threat to you. Nobody is."
Lisa's eyebrows knit. "Since when do you like tattoos?"
I laughed. "I don't."
The look on her face betrayed her skepticism. "What does 'ten times' mean?"
My shoulders eased as Lisa began to thaw. "I told him my girlfriend is ten times the person he is."
Lisa looked me up and down. "Ten times, huh? Did you use a ruler to figure that out?"
I blushed and glanced at the ground. "I didn't have to. You're ten times anyone I've ever been with." When I looked back, a silly grin spread across Lisa's face. I arched an eyebrow at her. "Don't act as if you don't know you have a huge cock."
She laughed her surprise and then leaned into me, taking my entire jaw in one big hand. "What a dirty mouth you have, Miss Kim." Finally, she kissed me. "I might have to spank you for that one."
I wriggled, smiled, and hugged her neck. "I'm so happy you're here."
She let go of my face, and her arms surrounded my waist. "You look beautiful. Too beautiful to be out without me." She ran her hand over my hair. "You're cold."
"I'm getting warmer, sexy."
She laughed. "Feisty tonight?"
"Very. I'm just glad I don't have to spend another night alone." I batted my lashes. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to surprise you, so Mingyu told me where you guys would be. What he failed to mention was that you already had a date."
I laughed. "Poor Mingyu had no idea, but he was keeping an eye on Kai. You have a good friend there."
"Speaking of, you say that Jaehyun orchestrated this?" Lisa asked.
I nodded as my smile fell. "I understand if you're pissed. I am."
"Damn right I'm pissed, and I'll tell him next chance I get. I don't like that shit."
"All right." I took her hand. "Come on, and help me finish my dinner."
"I'm not sitting next to that tattooed asshole."
"Don't whine," I said, leading her back inside. The group was already settling the bill so Lisa took my seat, and I perched on her knee.
"Did you eat?" I asked, nodding at my dinner. "Because I'm full."
"I ate on the plane," she said right before making short work of cleaning my plate. With her last bite, she picked up the bottle of chardonnay between Kai and me to inspect the label. "What is this garbage?"
"Kai picked it," I said.
Kai frowned. "I mean, it's just your basic house wine . . ."
"Yeah," Lisa said, setting the bottle aside. She thrust my glass away as if it'd offended her. "Not in my house."
I giggled as Lisa winked at me, and the others just looked confused.
"Well, I'm going to take off," Kai announced. "Got plans tonight."
I wasn't surprised Kai didn't want to stay, as Lisa literally used her large body to block him off from the rest of the table.
Even though he'd irritated me, he was harmless, and he was still my friend. Or he had been once. I tried to get up and hug him good-bye, but Lisa's arm tightened around my waist, securing me to her knee.
"Well, bye," I said.
Kai stood awkwardly for a moment. "Okay, then. Have a good weekend, guys."
"Ready to rip tomorrow, Mingyu?" Lisa asked Mingyu, ignoring Kai as he waited a moment and then left.
"I don't know, man," Mingyu said. "Waves are looking a little bleak. We'll give it a go, though. Jaehyun?"
"I might just hang back with the girls." Jaehyun looked over at Lisa. "I had a two-hour phone call with planning and zoning officials today. Feeling like a zombie."
Lisa rubbed my knee as she asked Jaehyun, "You invite that guy Kai?"
Jaehyun cleared his throat. "Ah, yeah. We're old friends."
"Not now, honey," I said near Lisa's ear.
She glanced around the table, then at Jaehyun. "We're going to chat tomorrow."
"Maybe we girls want to go surfing," I said to dispel the awkward silence.
"Do you, baby? I'll take you," Lisa decided before I could respond. "Mingyu and I are going to hit the line-up pretty early, but mid-morning should be good for beginners."
"How about you, little lady?" Mingyu asked.
"I'm in," Rosé exclaimed and then reddened when she realized he was talking to his date. Kat only shook her head.
"We'd better get some rest then," Lisa said to me.
I clasped the big, rough hand moving back-and-forth on my leg and whispered back to her, "Don't count on it."
On the way back to the house, we fell into couples. "I know I said it already, but I missed you," I told Lisa as we walked hand in hand.
"Me, too." She passed her thumb over my knuckles. "Baffling how we went all those months away from each other."
I snuck my arm across her lower back. "You must be tired," I murmured, snuggling into her.
"Yes, and I didn't even get everything done."
"I'm sorry," I said, because it sounded like an admonishment.
"I'm not," she said softly and stopped walking. I looked up at her as we stood still. "Everything is better when I can look into your eyes. That's what I realized being away from you." She touched my cheek. "They're the most beautiful shade of brown. They're the first reason I fell in love with you."
Warmth spread through my body, and I wrapped my arms more tightly around her waist. Lisa could be so rough with me sometimes. In the beginning, I never would've believed she could also be endlessly romantic. "What did you see that first night at the theater?" I whispered.
"Hmm?"
"At the ballet when our eyes met. What did you see?"
"I just saw you. Clear. Raw. I felt like I was witnessing something I shouldn't be. I've often wondered what you were thinking in that moment that you'd let me see inside you like that. Ironic, because for months after, you tried admirably to shut me out like everyone else."
I closed my eyes and smiled as I remembered the night that changed everything. "I was with Taehyung, Jisoo, Bohyun, and Rosé. The performance was so beautiful, wasn't it? I remember thinking how much I loved it, and how I wished life was that perfect and flawless. I didn't know that it's not supposed to be that way," I said, my voice suddenly hitching. "That a messy life can still be beautiful." Lisa raked a hand through my hair, soothing me. "I was thinking about how, even in a room full of people, I could still feel so alone. That's the last thought I remember before I saw you."
"You let someone in before you could stop yourself. You let me in," she murmured. She pressed her lips to mine, and my body reacted instantly, melting into her. "I hate to think what would've happened to you if we hadn't found each other," she said.
"I had a good life, Lisa. I never would've known anything else."
"I can't think of anything worse than nobody loving you as much as I do."
My heart throbbed painfully with her words. I didn't know what I'd done to deserve her, to deserve words like those from her mouth, but I promised to be good every day of my life to keep her.
She took my hand again, and we continued walking. At the house, she grabbed her bag from where she'd left it on the back porch. Though the rest of our group had already cracked open a round of beers in the kitchen, Lisa and I said goodnight and went upstairs.
In the hallway, she dropped her bag with a loud thud and embraced me, dipping me slightly for a kiss. My arms automatically went around her neck. I was happy to know, and feel, that despite her fear of hurting me during sex, her desire hadn't waned in the slightest. But I had yet to see if she'd still be able to let go with me.
With a low moan, she deepened the kiss while fumbling with the door to our room. I heard her kick her bag in without slowing the pace of our kiss. She backed me into the nearest wall before slamming the door shut with her foot. "I need you," she growled between breaths. "It's been too many days."
"I tried to warn you," I whispered back.
Her lips devoured mine greedily as she pulled me away from the wall and closer to her body. She tugged the hem of my dress up around my waist as my hands plunged into her hair. Her fingers hooked into my thong, and it dropped around my boots. I kicked it away, and her hands slid under my ass. She pried my cheeks apart while pulling me against her, inspiring a feverish heat between my legs.
Her fingers found me wet, and I shivered against her when they massaged me. She slid two in slowly from behind, pulling out every few seconds to fondle my clit.
I writhed against her as her other hand wrapped around my shoulders and under my hair to hold me still.
"I want to be buried deep inside you where I belong," she said into my mouth.
Her fingers continued to leisurely probe into me as I hastily undid her pants. My impatient hands found her impossibly hard, and she sucked in a breath with my touch. I stepped back to tug her pants and underwear down, and when she squeezed me back to her, her erection dug into my stomach.
When her hand withdrew, I hopped up suddenly so she had to catch me. She smiled into my mouth right before I sank onto her, and we effortlessly came together. Frozen, we adjusted to each other, exchanging charged breaths. My arms and legs wrapped tighter around her, and I moaned from the way she completely possessed me. Her hand ran up my back and gathered my hair before pulling lightly. I drew back from her mouth to look at her.
She didn't say anything, just looked into my eyes as we stood, immobilized by the overwhelming connection. There were no words so we remained that way, breathing and kissing and feeling each other. We were so lost that once we started to move, it didn't take long for each of us to climax. I held on to her as my orgasm swelled through me like my love for her: steadily, no end, no beginning. She rested my back against the wall right before she came with shuddering intensity, pulling my hair gently and groaning against my neck.
Later, I fell asleep with her hugging me so tightly, she was almost crushing me. I didn't ever want it any other way.