JENNIE

I awoke completely tangled in Lisa, my hands in her hair, and my arms around her neck while her circled my waist. Our legs entwined like vines attempting to merge. A gray hue darkened the room, and rain lightly drummed the roof. Lisa sighed and pulled me closer. With messy, jet-black hair against a stark white pillow, she looked peaceful but still severe, even in repose. I bit my lip to keep from waking her with a kiss.

I closed my eyes again. It'd been another perfect weekend. After our surf session, Lisa and I had made love in the shower, then napped until dinnertime. Mingyu and Rosé had prepared seafood pasta while Mingyu's girlfriend had watched. By the time we'd gone to bed, only Rosé and Mingyu had remained awake.

I was high on everything—Lisa, the change in scenery, the possibility of Rosé and Mingyu—but still, I managed to give in to a second round of sleep.

We were still interwoven when I woke again, except I was practically on top of Lisa as she lay on her back. I lifted my head to find her watching me. "We slept late," she said softly.

I nodded and resettled my head against her chest, not ready to separate. The thud of heavy raindrops comforted me, and Lisa plus the sheets warmed my skin. I closed my eyes as she stroked my hair.

Suddenly, she flipped me onto my back. "You're going back to sleep?" she cried. "It's almost noon."

I giggled as her face hovered above mine. "I had a stressful week."

"Were you dealing with unruly workers and asshole engineers like I was? I didn't think so."

"I'm sorry, baby, but I have you beat," I informed her. "I was stuck in a debilitating state of sexual arousal for days. I could barely function."

"Yeah, right," she said, shifting and pulling me closer.

"Really," I said. "It was exhausting."

"Well, whoever left you that way should be tried and charged with stupidity of the highest degree."

I laughed and pushed her shoulder, but she caught my wrist. Her smile fell as her expression sobered, her eyes intense as they darted over my face. "Marry me."

I sucked in a sharp breath at the completely out-of-the-blue question. Statement, rather. Apparently, she didn't even need to ask. "What?" I asked.

She blinked, and her eyes continued to scan my face. "Marry me, Jennie," she said just above a whisper.

My heat skipped with joy as my stomach simultaneously churned. I didn't know what to feel. There was still so much we hadn't discussed. And so much to be done. "Lisa, I—I haven't even started the divorce process yet."

"These past few weeks have been the best of my life," she said. "Surfing with you yesterday, hanging out on the beach, seeing you light up with laughter . . . you've been in my life for so little time, yet I can't imagine it without you." She slid her hand from my wrist to interlace our fingers. "I want you to be my wife. Maybe it can't be for a while, maybe you even want to wait a couple years. It doesn't matter to me. Just tell me one day, you'll be my wife. Tell me yes."

It was a moment every girl dreamed of. A moment I desperately wanted. But my mouth went desert-dry as my heart pounded against my chest. Jihyo had told me to talk to Lisa quickly. But I'd thought we'd had more time. Now, it was both too soon and too late. Here she was, asking me to make the same promises Taehyung had. And I knew that with the one simple discussion we hadn't had, everything could change. Everything .

I looked away so I wouldn't have to see her expression. "It's too soon," I said.

"I know. It is too soon." She stroked my cheek with her thumb. "But we don't have to tell anyone."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my throat painfully thick. "I—I can't. Things are too . . ."

"Hey," she called softly. "Jennie, look at me. It's okay. Don't freak out."

"I'm not freaking out." I turned back to her with a forced smile, but she wasn't buying it.

"I'm happy to be here with you now," she said. "That just came out. I meant it, but I should've waited."

Coward! I screamed at myself. She didn't deserve this. She needed to know that the subject of starting a family had been the beginning of the erosion of my marriage. And that even though so much had changed . . . my feelings about motherhood hadn't. "Lisa," I started.

She looked at me expectantly. She was so open, her eyes clear, and her love pouring over me. For God's sake, she'd just asked me to marry her. How would I survive if she never looked at me that way again? If this one last piece of the puzzle didn't fit for us? I didn't know, but I never wanted to find out.

In that moment, I wanted to deflect, but I forced myself to be honest. "I am freaking out."

Her body stiffened, and she moved back to sit on her calves. "All right." She paused, as if searching for the words. "About the proposal? Or about us?"

I don't want kids. The thought stopped my heart, stole my breath, ceased body function of any kind. This one thing could give Lisa every reason to walk away. Now. To leave this bed, taking her warmth and love with her.

But if it was going to be a dealbreaker—wasn't it better to know sooner rather than later?

Yes. That was the only answer. But the potential consequences of that conversation could be devastating. And they could sever a perfectly pure, once-in-a-lifetime love.

Let me have today, Lisa. "I need a little space to sort through this."

"Space? I . . ." she rubbed her chest. "Jennie, we've talked about this. I realize the proposal was sudden, but slowing our relationship down isn't—"

"No, no." I needed perspective. A clear head. I needed to make some decisions and to work up my courage. I took her hand. "Not that kind of space. I just need to, I don't know—go for a walk."

"Alone," she guessed.

I nodded. "I'm not doing this on my own, and I'm not running away. But there will be times when I need to gather my thoughts."

She got off the bed and went to peek out the window. "It's raining."

"I don't mind."

She disappeared into the bathroom and returned in her board shorts. "If you feel you need space, I can't stop you," she said, doing up the tie. "But promise me you won't make any decisions about us without me."

That was a fair demand—not just because she deserved input, but because I'd shut her out before. I went to her, rose onto the tips of my toes, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I won't."

Lisa glanced at me sidelong. "You know that to be a runaway bride, you actually have to be a fiancée first, right? And then make it to the ceremony?"

I half-laughed. "I'm not running anywhere. If anything, I never want to leave this place."

Lisa glanced at the clock. "Our flight is this afternoon with everyone else," she said. "I could see if Mingyu'll let us spend another night. Just you and me."

"I'd like that," I said. I knew Lisa wouldn't let me off the hook tonight, and having this conversation after traveling all day didn't sound fun. "I'll take a personal day tomorrow."

"Or—" she paused.

"What?"

"Never mind. It might be too much for today."

Never mind? Since when did Lisa not say what was on her mind? I studied her a minute. "I'm not freaking out about us, Lisa," I said. "I promise. I'll be here as long as you'll have me."

"I'll always have you," she said.

It was a promise, but one she was making without all the information. "I know it's unfair to ask when I'm not reciprocating, but please tell me what you were going to say."

"Fine." She nodded once. "You could just put in your notice at work."

I blinked at her. "Quit?"

"I'd planned to tell you once I got more info, but I have another work opportunity in New York," she said. "This one is full-time, six months. And after that, who knows? It could be anywhere. We could do some traveling."

Six months in New York, a new adventure. And then seeing the world with the one I loved. I wanted it so bad, I could taste it.

"I won't take the assignment if you don't come with me," Lisa added when I didn't respond, "but you could if you weren't tied to Chicago."

"What about the house?" I asked.

"It won't be ready for at least a year, probably longer. But no matter where we go, it will always be our home."

A year. If I didn't tell Lisa the truth tonight, couldn't I have that time with her and deal with the topic of kids when we returned?

I couldn't. That wasn't fair to either of us. The fantasy faded before my eyes before it'd fully developed.

"I can't just end my career to travel," I said.

"Well, you could," she said. "I have no problem with that. But I'm not asking you to do that. I know work is important to you. You could write."

"Like what I did on the plane back from Dallas?" I nearly laughed. "That's just a hobby, Lisa. I don't see it going anywhere."

"Freelance for other magazines, start a blog about our travels, write a book. You'd have options. Plus . . . it would make you more available for the shelter. You could volunteer there regularly when we're home. And when we're not, well, Chicago isn't the only place with needy animals."

I stared at her, my heart warming at the thought of spending more time at the shelter. Or was it that she'd known how much it meant to me? I wasn't sure. "You've given this a lot of thought."

"Just consider it. Whatever you decide, I'm behind you a hundred percent." she kissed my forehead. "I'm going to find Mingyu to squeeze in another surf. But, Jennie? Don't walk too far today."

I glanced at my hands. I couldn't blame her for being worried I'd stray from us, but with my history, I had no way of reassuring her that wouldn't happen.

"And be safe," she added. "You don't know the area."

Once she'd left, I squatted to my suitcase to change. I hadn't brought any sneakers, so I went to find Rosé. I could always count on her in a fashion pinch.

I found her on a call, pacing her room as she seemed to listen. She motioned for me to come in, rolling her eyes at the phone, so I sat on the edge of the bed to wait.

"Well, you should've thought about that before abandoning me again," she said calmly and paused. "Yes, if you'd stayed and talked to me like a mature adult, we would be having a different conversation . . . how am I supposed to trust you now? Frankly, I think you did both of us a favor because now . . . yes, I said favor , because now I see that this isn't working."

It had to be Jaehyun. I wasn't all that surprised he'd called to beg her forgiveness. I gave her a thumbs-up as encouragement, grateful she didn't need me to point out it was time to move on.

Rosé looked at me as she listened. "I'm sorry, Jaehyun, but you only have yourself to blame. We're not in college anymore, and you have to grow up. We can talk more at home, but I have to go now." She hung up abruptly and flopped next to me on the bed. "Oh my God."

"That was Jaehyun, right?" I asked. "What the hell is his deal?"

"He's so sorry for bringing Kai. I'm not really mad, am I?" she said, mimicking him. "He hadn't meant to call me a bitch—Lisa and Mingyu had just pushed him too far. He didn't even realize that I'm more upset he left instead of talking to me."

"And he's not even taking accountability for himself," I said. "I think he's stuck at the age he was when we last knew him."

"Totally. On some level I'll always love him, but this was definitely a wake-up call." She blew out a sigh. "He's obviously got commitment issues on top of all that, but I don't think I even care anymore. Whatever we had is gone."

I cleared my throat and picked at something on the comforter. "Could, um, Mingyu also have a little bit to do with your change of heart?"

She laughed. "No . . . I don't know."

"You two were still talking when we went to bed." I poked her arm. "Did you guys . . .?"

"No, of course not," she cried, her eyes huge. "For one, gross . And for two, his girlfriend is here, remember?"

"Oh my God. I'm awful," I said, covering my eyes. "I keep forgetting about Kat."

"I think he does, too," Rosé said. "Mingyu and I were up late last night, and we just . . . talked. A lot. Like, until dawn."

"Really?" I asked, beaming. "And you still think he's gross?"

She hesitated. "I mean, I guess he's not gros. There was this brief moment where I thought he might kiss me, but he didn't. And I was kind of disappointed."

"Wow. Strange how one weekend can change everything," I muttered.

"Yup." She sighed. "I'm hoping this rain burns off so we can hit the beach before we leave."

"Lisa and I are thinking of staying another night," I said. "Actually, I came to ask if I can borrow some sneakers. I'm going for a walk."

"Like a stroll?"

"No," I said. "Like a walk. Maybe even a run."

She raised her eyebrows at me. "You don't run. Unless something's really bothering you. I remember from living with you."

"Yeah." I scratched the tip of my nose. "It helps me sort through everything. And before you asked, I don't really want to talk about it."

She got up from the bed and went to the closet. "Is it about Lisa?" she asked.

"Yes."

She held out a pair of sneakers. "Is it bad?"

I accepted them with a sigh. "Yes."

"How bad?"

I shook my head, rolling my lips together. "I don't know yet."

"Look, if there's one thing Jaehyun's idiocy has taught me, it's that communication is key." She opened her suitcase and pushed some things around. "Just talk to Lisa. She loves you so much."

"I don't know if that's enough this time," I said, picking at the bedspread. "This might be the one thing Lisa can't fix."

"Ah." Absentmindedly, she picked out a pair of athletic socks, then glanced over at me. "Is this about what she said on the beach yesterday? About wanting to teach her kid to surf?"

It wasn't hard to put two and two together. Rosé knew about my struggles with getting Taehyung to see I wasn't ready and may never be. "Yeah," I said. "Lisa wants it all. She's ready to start on the house. She's already said she wants to marry me. But we haven't talked about what comes after that."

"For once, I don't really know what to tell you. Just that you need to talk to her. She can't help if she doesn't know what you want."

"I don't know what I want, Rosé." Except, that wasn't entirely true. Maybe I already knew the answer, but I was too scared to admit it to myself.

She handed me the socks. "This is going to be one hell of a run."

I headed out into the humidity, tightened my ponytail, and looked up at the gray sky, requesting that it wait until I'd finished to open up again.

My mind instantly replayed the morning.

Quit my job. Travel the world. Marriage. Children.

It was more than a girl could ask for. Was I a fool to question everything Lisa offered me?

I wondered if she'd meant to propose. It'd happened so suddenly. Despite knowing she'd want that one day, it hadn't occurred to me that she was already there. Then again, maybe she hadn't known she was, either. She'd said it had just come out.

Surely, she'd thought about having a family. Had I given her the impression that I wanted children? Was it on me to admit that outright, from the start—when we hadn't even had a start? Or was she to blame if she'd just assumed I'd want kids?

Did Lisa know that Taehyung and I had argued about that over and over? How could she know that? Had I never told her?

I picked up my pace as my thoughts came faster and heavier. All my arguments with Taehyung washed over me. I couldn't ensure the shame again—of not wanting what I was supposed to. Of doubting myself and my role as a woman. Of disappointing someone I'd promised to make a life with.

Could I do it? Could I make the decision to keep my doubts to myself and have a baby if the alternative was losing Lisa?

My heart nearly broke at the thought. Was that any way to bring a child into the world?

I pictured Lisa as a parent, teaching her kid to surf or snowboard. I thought of the way she handled the things she loved and how her face somehow conveyed gravity, focus, and happiness when she played with Alex.

Fuck. I couldn't take parenthood away from her.

And I couldn't picture myself as a mother.

I'd never felt particularly warm toward children, but everyone said I'd feel differently about my own. That was a huge and irreversible chance to take when my heart told me otherwise. Not that I wouldn't love and care for my own, but that ultimately, my life wasn't meant to include them.

I jogged by a stroller-pushing woman in athletic wear who'd stopped mid-run to comfort her crying baby. A pit formed in my stomach. She wasn't me. I wasn't her. Maybe I'd change my mind one day, but I hadn't with Taehyung, and the thought of entering a relationship with that kind of pressure again . . . I wouldn't do it.

Being a mom wasn't in the cards for me.

But Lisa—I'd never find a love like her again. And I never wanted to.

So the question was, could I do it for Lisa? Was there anything I wouldn't do, wouldn't give up for her?

Lisa texted me that Mingyu would let us stay another night, and I agreed. She was still gone when I returned from my workout, so I treated myself to a long shower. As I washed my sweat away, I let myself think momentarily of traveling the world on her arm. Writing, eating, fucking, sleeping . . . no rude boss to answer to, no judgmental friends or family, no children stealing our attention from each other. Just the two of us living the dream . . .

But is that all it is? A dream?

Lisa had given me so many invaluable things, including her trust. I not only owed her my honesty—I wanted to give it to her. My instinct was still to run, hide, and retreat—that wouldn't change overnight. But I had deeper, stronger reasons to share with her. Once I found the courage to do it.

I changed into a striped sundress and went downstairs to find that the sun had come out and chased the clouds away. Rosé and I walked into town and had lunch until it was time for her to catch her flight. I called her a taxi, and just as she was loading her luggage, Lisa and Mingyu jogged up with their surfboards.

"See you guys back in Chi-town," she called, laughing as she waved.

"Rosé—" Mingyu started, but paused when Kat appeared on the porch. "Uh. Just have a nice flight."

"Thanks," she said with a large smile. Even with her hair tossed in a ponytail and in less makeup than I'd ever seen, she looked stunning. Mingyu watched until her taxi turned a corner and disappeared.

Lisa put her hands on my shoulders. "You're a beautiful thing to come back to," she said, and I turned my head for a kiss before she added, "I like this dress."

"Indeed, Jen," Mingyu said. "It's quite fetching."

Lisa shot him a glare, and I grinned. "Did you guys have a nice surf?"

"Excellent," Lisa said. "Waves were much better this afternoon. Did you eat?"

I nodded. "Sé and I went to lunch."

"Good. I'm going to rinse off and drive these two to the airport."

As she did that, and Mingyu and Kat packed, I sat on the porch with a book. After a while, Mingyu came out, freshly showered and dressed in a t-shirt and shorts. He sat down in the rocking chair next to mine, glanced over his shoulder quickly, and then back at me. "I had a great time this weekend."

"Me, too."

"No. I had a great time, Jen. Call me crazy, but . . ." He scrubbed a hand through his damp blond hair. "I think I'm going to take my chances and ask Rosé on another date."

I closed the book and looked him over and tried to look surprised. "Really? What changed?"

"She puts up this shield, right?" he said, growing animated. "But when it comes down, she's lovely. Kind, smart, and a little bit goofy, too. I never dreamed she was so goofy."

I laughed. "Jaehyun's the reason for the shield. When they met, she changed for him—started wearing her hair differently, tried different diets, dressed up all the time. But when he left? That's when something inside her changed. I'm afraid that after this time, she'll have trouble trusting again."

"Then I have my work cut out for me," he said. "But I have a feeling she'll be worth it. I want to see more of the girl in the glasses."

I smiled, but it quickly turned to a frown. "I think you'd better take care of the situation here first," I said, jerking my thumb toward the house.

"I already did," he said. "I ended things with Kat this morning, and she took it well. At least, I think so—she reacted about the same way she does to everything." He shrugged. "But in any case, it's over."

"Then you have my blessing," I said.

"Do you think Rosé'll agree to a date with me?" he asked. "I would've tested the waters before she left, but I didn't want to be disrespectful to Kat."

I bit the inside corner of my cheek, trying to decide whether to give Rosé up. Remembering how she'd gone to Lisa when I'd needed her most, I nodded. "I'm pretty confident she'll say yes. But you should know—Jaehyun called her this morning trying to feed her some bullshit."

"Understood. I'll reach out to her tonight." He kissed me on the cheek and then wiped it with his thumb. "Oops. Don't tell your girlfriend. I hear she has a temper."

I smiled. "Wouldn't dream of it."

When Kat opened the screen door, Mingyu popped up to help her with her bag. Lisa breezed out next, dropped a kiss on my lips, and ushered them into Mingyu's parents' car.

Unable to concentrate on my book, I walked to the grocery store to purchase some things for dinner. I got the idea that we could picnic on the beach as the sun went down, so I picked up an assortment of snacks and a bottle of red.

This is how life could be. Just us, no bullshit, watching the sunset and drinking wine.

At the house, I prepared the food and found a basket and large blanket in a hallway closet. I left Lisa a note and walked down to the beach where I unfurled the blanket and watched the water while I waited.

When, eventually, I had the distinct feeling that she was behind me, it was because she was. She sat behind me, her front against my back, her long legs bent on each side of me. "This is nice," she said, putting her cheek to mine.

"Finally alone," I responded. I leaned forward and excavated plastic cups from my bag to pour us each some wine.

I passed her a cup just as she rubbed her eyes with tense fingers.

"Tired?" I asked.

"Stressed."

"How come?" I asked.

She took the wine and opened her arms, so I settled back against her, comforted by the rumble of her chest as she spoke. "I have the New York project falling behind, and I also need to figure out this potential lawsuit with Arnaud and Clare."

Before I could ask her to elaborate, she added, "And then there's you."

I glanced up. "Me?"

"I want to start moving on our house soon. But after everything we talked about this morning . . ." she looked down to meet my eyes. "I'm afraid I pushed you too hard and fucked up somewhere."

"Lisa. Honey." I put down my wine. "You didn't fuck up. Everything you're offering me—it's more than a girl could ask for."

"And you want . . . what?" she asked. "Less ?"

My heart thudded once. I was running out of time—to tell her the truth, to sit here with her, to enjoy us finally as a carefree couple. Was I running out of time with her, too?

I heaved a sigh and looked out at the water. "Let's just enjoy the sunset for now."

I gave her my weight and ran my hands over her shins. "That feels nice," she murmured. "I'm sore from surfing."

"I could give you a massage later," I offered.

"I'd be forever in your debt."

I smiled and continued rubbing her legs as we looked out at the water.

"How's my Mercedes, by the way?" she asked. "I tried to get Alex to scope things out when you were there for Thanksgiving, but he's a lousy spy."

"Hmm. There was a pretty significant dent in the hood before you left, right?" I teased.

She groaned. "Don't fuck with me."

"The car's fine ," I said. "Thanks for letting me take it. It was nice spending time with Jihyo."

"I warned her if she told any embarrassing stories about me, she'd be out a babysitter for life."

I squeezed her knee. "Somehow I doubt you've ever done a single embarrassing thing."

"Of course I have," she stated. "I proposed to my girlfriend, and she said no."

My cheeks warmed. "Did you mean it? Or was it an in-the-moment thing?"

"I meant it," she said. "I'm sorry it wasn't more romantic."

"It was perfect," I said, because it was. I couldn't think of anything more romantic than blurting it out because she couldn't keep it inside another second. "Everything you do for me, you do with love. I know that."

We sat in silence until the sun dropped behind the horizon.

"Canyon passed away this morning," she said.

I gasped. "Your family's dog?"

"My mom called. They had to put him down."

I turned between her legs and sat back on my calves. "Honey. I'm so sorry."

"He was sick, as you knew. It was his time, but I thought we had a little longer." She avoided my eyes, so I waited until they drifted back to mine. I couldn't help tearing up at her crestfallen expression.

She touched the corner of my eye with her thumb. "It's okay," she said, but I could see that she was hurting.

I nodded and leaned in to comfort her with a kiss. Her hand moved to my hair to hold me there as she kissed me back, slowly at first, then deepening it. As dusk settled around us, I unfolded my legs and wrapped them around her so we were as close as we could get.

"Good thing I'm wearing a dress," I said.

She laughed softly. "I thought you hated beach sex."

"Apparently, I was doing it wrong."

Her voice lowered. "I'm not going to have you here in front of everyone."

"It's almost dark," I replied. "The beach is empty."

"Still."

I could feel her heartbeat, strong and solid against my breasts. I hugged her closer and whispered, "I'm sorry about Canyon."

"I know."

I didn't want Lisa to hurt, but there was no way my confession wouldn't cut her deeply. Either she'd lose me or she'd lose a future she'd envisioned for herself. For us. From the start, she'd known I was the one.

"Lisa?" I asked.

"Hmm?" she answered, brushing her lips over mine.

"Do you believe in soulmates?" I asked, even though I knew what she'd say.

But she paused, and to my surprise, responded with the opposite answer. "No."

I drew back. "Why not?"

"I don't need it. I believe in you. I believe in us."

I swallowed through the lump in my throat her sweet words inspired. "I believe in us, too."

She looked me fully in the face, ran her big hands over my hairline, and held them there. Even in the semi-dark, I could see her eyes burning. "My turn," she said. "Are you still empty inside?"

My words from her mouth were sharp and painful. I inhaled back tears. "No." I wasn't. She'd filled me with goodness and killed any poison in me.

"Good." Her hand moved to my jaw, and she pecked me. "Ready to go up?"

I shook my head no, so she stayed and kissed me a little longer until it was completely dark. Eventually, we gathered up the blanket and walked back to the house holding hands.

I unpacked the picnic we hadn't touched and the wine we'd barely drunk, and we ate to the soundtrack of waves crashing against the shore.

After we'd cleaned up, I asked, "How about that massage, surfer girl?"

She scooped me up in one swift movement and carried me up the stairs. "I love having you all to myself," she said and set me down in the bedroom.

"Strip to your underwear," I instructed as I went into the bathroom. I swapped my sundress for the silky white robe I'd brought from home, then grabbed some body oil from under the sink.

When I came out of the bathroom, the look on her face stopped my trek to the bed. "You brought your robe," she said and bit her bottom lip. "I love that fucking thing."

"I know you do. Now, get on your stomach, facedown. And no screwing around," I said, mimicking her surf lesson on land, "or you might get hurt."

She chuckled as she shook her head and got into position. She waited with her arms tucked under her head. I went to turn out the lights but decided against it. I didn't want to miss anything.

I climbed over her, parted my robe to straddle her firm ass, and squirted oil onto her back. I dove my hands into it, spreading it from her broad shoulders down to her narrow hips. I rubbed and kneaded, savoring every inch of her and working myself into a decent state of arousal. I loved the way her skin felt under my fingertips and how her muscles relaxed at my probing touch.

"Turn over," I said after a while. I lifted onto my knees to allow her to flip onto her back. When I settled my bare pussy on her underwear, we both inhaled sharply. She looked up at me from under heavy eyebrows. I filled my hands with oil, took a deep breath, and touched her chest. I felt her pecs, her shoulders, her biceps. I made my way over the contours of her taut stomach. When I looked back at her face, she'd closed her eyes in peace.

I was aware the moment she hardened under me. I was already wet against her underwear, had been for a while, and was further excited when the ridges of her cock twitched against me. I suppressed a moan at the thought of taking all of my lover inside of me.

You're unreal, I thought as I looked at her. What if this has all been a beautiful dream? And when I wake up, it'll be too soon . . .

My tear fell onto her stomach, but with her eyes shut, she didn't notice. I slid my hands under her lower back and dragged them back up. I let my fingers graze under the waistband of her underwear, and she jerked.

She sighed heavily without looking and ran her hands over the outsides of my thighs. My hand skated up her stomach and then down again, reaching slightly farther under her waistband. She inhaled slowly but loudly and coaxed my hips over her, back and forth.

Finally, she opened hungry eyes and slipped her hand inside my robe. It grazed up over my breast and neck until she cupped my jaw. "You look like an angel." She pulled me down, and I curved my body to meet her lips as she added, "A fantasy."

I cocked my head slightly. A fantasy, I repeated in my head. A dream. A fantasy.

She kissed me slowly, and I responded, unhurriedly letting my tongue memorize her mouth. My hips moved on their own, finding pleasure against the length of her. Without disconnecting from her mouth, I pulled down her underwear and put her inside me. We moaned at the same moment, exchanging hot breaths.

A dream. A fantasy. A dream. A fantasy.

The words ran through my head like a prayer, an appeal to something higher.

Don't take this away from me. I can do it for you, for you I can do anything. I could never walk away. Lisa . . . my Lisa.

"Lisa," I whispered. "My Lisa."

"Jennie," she responded with her hands tangled in my hair. "Open your eyes."

I let my face fall into the space between her neck and shoulder and gyrated faster.

"Baby." I could hear her gritting her teeth, and I knew she was close, so I kissed her neck the way she liked.

A dream. A fantasy. A dream. A fantasy.

She pulled my hair so I was forced to draw back, but I avoided her eyes. I held on to her shoulders and clenched her cock inside of me to push her over the edge. "Come, baby," I coaxed.

"But you—" she bit out, inhaling through her mouth. "Fuck," she said when I picked up my pace and squeezed again. She was gone. I dug my fingers into her skin as she shuddered and released into me, gripping my hips. I watched her face with fascination as it contorted with carnal bliss. While her muscles relaxed into the mattress, I kissed her jawline reverently, made my way down, and tucked my face into the crook of her neck.

"Jennie," she whispered hotly.

This was it. I'd had my day with her, a beautiful day filled with her love. Now, I owed her the truth. I didn't move, unable to face her.

"Hey," she said, pushing me off of her torso gently. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

"I know." I nodded. "I love you."

She ran her hands over my body, feeling my back, my arms, my neck, my scar. "Tell me what you're scared of, and I'll fix it. I promise."

"My superhero." I looked down at my hands and body, covered in oil. "Let me just rinse off first."

I crawled off the bed, closed the bathroom door, and steadied myself against the counter. In the mirror, I told myself I could do this. I had to. Afterward, nothing would be the same, but the thing was . . .

I didn't regret any of it. I'd fought so hard to keep from getting hurt, but as the pain filtered in, I also found strange and overwhelming peace in my endless, absolute love for Lisa.