Chapter 16 | Borrowed Time

It was difficult to sleep that night. Not only was I doing it for the first time without my physical body, but I also couldn't get the events of that day out of my head. Various still images flashed in my mind: Kinji's creepy hollow mask, just as his needle-like nose was about to puncture my heart. The unconscious Chie, trapped underneath rubble. The crumbling school and the ensuing screams and panic. My maimed body.

Morning eventually came with Jun knocking on the door. I stirred in bed for a while, wanting to just lay there forever, but in the end I begrudgingly got up.

Kisuke and Tessai had left early in the morning leaving Jun in charge and Hisashi had just come over after his nightly patrols. We sat around the low table as Jun brought quite the extensive breakfast for the three of us. Plenty of tea, rice, cut egg omlette rolls, onigiris with various fillings, shokupan toast and jam, and plenty more. Urahara-sensei was right, he is dependable.

"Feeling any better?"

I stared at Hisashi, my eyes half open and bags under my eyes, while he stuffed his mouth with an onigiri with quite the appetite. "No. Everything's still shit, but at least I'm still in one piece. Well, spiritually at least."

I got no response unsurprisingly, so we quietly ate our breakfast until Jun suddenly remembered something. "Oh, ownew wewt you a gwigwai!"

Hisashi hit him on the head. "Finish eating before you speak, dumbass."

"Ouch…! The owner left you a gigai, Tamaki-chan, one that'll allow humans to see you while you inhabit it."

That… that was fast. I blinked, confused but grateful. I'll have to be careful though, lest people I knew would see me prancing around despite knowing I am comatose in the hospital. I glanced at Hisashi, who was in turn staring at me, his concern practically written on his face. Yesterday's discussion weighed on both of our minds.

"Takenaka-san," I began just as formally as he did yesterday, while searching for the right words. He stopped munching, freezing mid-bite. "I've decided to move on, to go to Soul Society."

Hisashi stared at me, his face unmoving. I waited for him to say something, anything, growing frustrated until I saw his face slowly turn blue. Somehow that idiot managed to silently choke on his food. I punched him in the stomach, rectifying his state.

"Shit, thanks," he coughed, "but wow, this is quite the change of heart. You looked ready to fight me yesterday. Did something happen?"

Feeling a pinch of guilt, I shook my head, keeping yesterday's conversation with Kisuke a secret. "Having a night to think about it all made me understand things. I'm not going to go right away though, I want to do some things first, get some closure."

Hisashi nodded, taking a deep breath and coughing a few times to fully clear his throat. "I suppose that's fair."

After having my fill of what was apparently reishi food, Jun brought my gigai to my bedroll. It looked exactly like me. Urahara-sensei had already made a gigai in my exact form during the night? Or did he already have it made before? It creeped me out, but I had to admit that it was a blessing. The dead rarely had a chance to say their goodbyes and farewells like this.

I pushed myself into the gigai which instead of my school uniform had some general, inconspicious outdoor women's summer clothing. My eyes opened and I slowly raised myself up from the bedroll, moving my fingers around as a test and stretching my neck.

I didn't feel any pain. None.

"T-This is what it should normally feel like?!" I felt like I had been cheated.

Jun shrugged and offered me a facemask. With this getup those who knew me wouldn't recognize me, at least not as easily. Saying goodbye, I left for the hospital.

There I was told that Chie was released, her situation good enough for her to stay home. Since the school was destroyed she didn't need to worry about going anywhere, though I imagined being coped up at home wasn't too much to her liking. I bet Akane is probably with her too.

I had to think hard to remember where Chie lived, considering I had only visited her once. Alright, here we go. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. A moment later with somebody saying 'coming', it opened.

Akane's eyes opened wide and she immediately pulled me into a tight hug.

"Hey, easy there, Akane." I squirmed awkwardly.

"Let me have my moment, damn it."

Once she finally released me, I took my shoes off and walked further in. Chie lived in a nice row house with plenty of space, kept very tidy. Akane led me to the living room, where I saw Chie, quiety reading a book while sitting in a wheelchair.

Both of her legs were in plaster casts from the knees down. I felt as if a needle stung my heart, but I smiled despite that. I was truly happy to see her.

"Look who came to visit!" Akane grinned.

"K-Koharu?!" Chie covered a gasp, tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes.

"Hey Chie-chan. I'm glad to see that you're doing better!" I approached her and leant down to give her a gentle hug.

"B-But I heard you were in a coma, the doctor's said-"

"Technically I am… This body isn't my real one."

"What.. what do you mean?"

We sat down around a small table and I explained how Kisuke had given me this thing called a gigai. I asked whether Chie's parents were home, but she just shook her head. They had to work to keep up the household and afford everything. The whole operation with her legs had cost them enough that they couldn't stay at home for her. They were shocked and worried of course, but such was reality. Thankfully Akane was here to help.

The school incident had been on the news this morning and to my surprise they actually had a reasonable explanation for it. Apparently the school had been built on top of dropped WW2 bombs that had been duds. Something about a chemical reaction that made one suddenly explode, thus triggering a chain reaction in the others as well. It felt surreal that an explanation like that had been concocted, knowing what actually had happened. Shinigami memory altering devices, huh?

We didn't dwell too much on that, thankfully, there was no reason to sour the moment with it. The discussion switched from the disaster to Chie's recovery. The prognosis was good, stating that she would be able to walk again, but it would take time.

I listened and smiled, feeling relieved. Just knowing that with time she'd be as good as new eased my mind. "It's good to hear that. How… are you holding up though, Chie-chan? I know you try to stay cheerful in the face of everything."

She looked at me, her cheerful smile fading into a melancholic contemplation. "It… hurts, even with the medicine, and it's troublesome to move around in this wheelchair… Looking down makes my heart skip a beat every time and I would lie if I didn't think about yesterday a lot. But I don't want that to stop me from living my life and doing things that make me happy. You taught me better than that, Ko-chan."

My eyes widened. I never expected to be the source for any kind of inspiration. Her smile was back now, radiant as ever, like a sunflower glistening in the sun.

"So… don't worry about me, okay? I've received plenty of help too and I'm not alone either!"

Akane nodded, grinning. "Yeah, I ain't leaving either of you in a ditch."

I watched the two of them, leaning my cheek against my hand and my elbow against the table, smiling. Chie was happily explaining how she'd keep doing her various activities at home, including lunch boxes. I noted that we didn't have school, but Chie insisted that it was crucial to keep it up, lest she become rusty.

The discussion moved on again, now to the same kind of topics we talked about every day at school. Manga, jokes, new arcade games that were going to be released soon. Plans for the summer vacation.

"I forgot to mention this before, but some guys asked if I was interested in playing bass in their band," Akane explained enthusiatically. "Decided to give it a shot. I had been meaning to get a better routine to finally get a grip on the slap techniques over summer, but guess I'll have plenty of opportunity for that now!"

"That sounds great!" Chie clapped. "I'd love to hear you play again, it's been a while since last time."

I nodded. "I'm surprised though, you had turned down plenty of offers before. What made you change your mind?" My smile morphed into a mischievous grin, I could finally get back at her for all her teasing. "Was one of them finally handsome enough for your tastes?"

Akane didn't even get flustered. "Nah, got zero interest. But their band plays a mix of rock and funk, something more interesting than the generic crap the others were playing."

And so my teasing was foiled.

"Besides, we all know which one of us gets caught up with handsome guys." Akane grinned, taking all of my mischief and turning it against me.

Abort mission, deflect! "S-So what about you, Chie-chan? Anything you're looking forward to doing over summer?" I knew if I pushed back Akane would've found a way to turn it back against me again. I would've just ended up in a deeper puddle. Akane raised an eyebrow.

"Well, we were planning on a trip with my family, but…" she looked to the side with a wry smile, but cheered right back up. "But now I guess I have all the time in the world to catch up on my reading list! There's plenty of horror science fiction and horror murder mysteries to read!"

Both me and Akane blinked, having forgotten about Chie's peculiar reading tastes. The way she said all that with a chirpy voice and a smile radiating warmth was jarring.

"Jeez, remind me to never get on your bad side, Chie-chan." Akane faked a nervous smile.

"Oh come on, you know I would never! But it's just so fascinating!"

I clasped my hands together, making a ceremonial motion. "May the souls of those who wrong you rest peacefully."

Laughter filled the room. It was like I had traveled back into the time, when things were normal and the only thing we had to worry about was homework. I couldn't help but just let myself dwell in this moment, bask in the possibly last moment of normality with my best friends.

"So, what about you, Koharu-chan? Do you finally have more free time, or do you have to do shrine service again during summer?"

And just like that, the moment cracked. I looked at Akane, then at Chie, before sighing and closing my eyes. I had to break the news to them sooner or later.

"Akane-san, Chie-chan," I began, the seriousness in my voice catching them off guard. As I looked at the two of them, my heart felt heavy. "There… are no summer plans for me. I'm actually here to… say goodbye."

They were shocked. Chie looked ready to cry again, while Akane got up and demanded what I meant. I rose up as well.

"My body, I've seen it. It's… it's not pretty. It has never been in a good condition physically and now most of my left side is crushed too. I've made my peace and… and decided to let go. To leave for the afterlife."

Chie covered her mouth, tears flowing down her cheeks like rivers. I took a nervous step back as Akane approached me and grabbed me by my shirt with both hands, lifting me up by a single centimeter.

"Oi, oi, Koharu, I think I heard you wrong," she hissed, "it almost sounded like you were going to give up on living…!"

Her face was right against mine, filled with anger, but I could also see fear. It felt surreal how well her feelings mirrored those inside of me, feelings that I hadn't found a way to let out.

"Do you think this is easy for me?!" I finally burst. "It's not like I want to leave the life I have here, to leave either of you!"

"Then why are you giving up, damn it?!" Akane's breath grew heavier and I could hear her teeth grating from how strongly she tensed her jaw together. "You have a body now, don't you?! Use that! Or- or ask that Urahara to figure something out!"

"It's not that simple, I'm not the only one who has a say in this!"

Akane gritted her teeth. "I promised you, Koharu, I promised you damn it! That you can keep returning to school with us! I keep my promises!"

We had been raising our voices louder and louder, too absorbed in our swelling emotions to stop and think, until we were stopped by Chie's voice.

"Please stop!" she spoke through her sobbing. "P-please stop..! I-I don't want to see m-my best friends fighting like this..!"

The two of us looked at her, then at each other, realizing what we had just done. Akane let go of me, and we both hung our heads down in shame, fists clenched.

Things turned sour real quick, I thought to myself, peeking up. Still… Thank you Akane. For fighting for my right to live.

We sat back down around the table and I gently touched both of their hands. "Look, I… I know how you feel, I feel the same too, really. A-And I'm really sorry it has come to this, but unfortunately I just don't have any other choice. My real body… nothing short of a miracle can save it now. And this one," I pinched my arm, "is temporary at best. Urahara-sensei did say he'll try to make me a proper one, but that will take time. A long time."

"So… w-we'll be able to see you again?" Chie looked at me, hope glistening in her eyes.

"I promise. Even if it takes years, I'll make sure we meet again."

Akane stayed silent, regret and stubborness painted on her face. She always was honest like that. A moment later though she slammed her fist into her palm, her frown shifting into a forceful smile. "Well, I better check Urahara Shop more often then, I won't slack off. If you're away then it's up to me to protect Chie-chan."

I nodded. "I also swear I'll hunt down the thing that caused all this." I gripped my hands together. "He'll pay for everything. That's also why I'm going to become a Shinigami, like Takenaka-san."

"Shinigami, huh? Koharu the Soul Reaper. That does sound pretty cool." Akane smirked wryly.

"I-I'm not sure what that means, but.. if Akane-san thinks it's nice, then I'll do my best to support you too..!"

We exchanged looks in silence, having a bittersweet laugh about it all.

"I'm not leaving right away though, I.. I still want to spend some time with the two of you. Leave it on a high note, you know? So that I can set sail with happy memories, knowing you two are alright."

Akane put a hand on both Chie's and my shoulders, a resolute smile on her face. "Then that's what we'll make. Happy memories."

I sat on the roof of my apartment beside Hisashi. We watched as the sun was beginning to set, coloring the clouds in a fiery gradient of yellow, orange, red and dark purple.

"Tenjin festival, I need time until then. After that… I promise I'll be ready to go."

Hisashi sighed, supporting his head with his hands as he lay on his back. "It's much longer than what any other lingering soul would ever get."

"I'm no mere lingering soul," I reminded him. "Besides, even if it's a technicality, I still have a body. I have a right to still exist in this world."

"Fair enough." He closed his eyes. "I'm just worried for you, that's all. You may not have a chain of fate, so becoming a hollow isn't the same threat as it is for others, but…"

"But what?"

He ran his hand through his hair, looking for the right words. "Consider your friends and yourself, and what you all truly need right now. I get that you want to get closure and say goodbye. But by spending time with your friends you are normalizing this situation for them and postponing the inevitable."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What are you getting at?"

He rose up, sitting cross-legged, now staring directly at me with deathly serious eyes, mere centimeters away from my face. "Koharu-chan… are you sure your friends or you for that matter will feel better by prolonging this? Are you sure you're not leaving them and yourself with even more difficult emotions to deal with this way?"

Our eyes were locked. He was serious about this, seriously concerned for me. I wanted to deny his claims right away, but what he said gave me pause. I looked again at the sun, which was about to touch the horizon.

"Tenjin festival, I give you my word. Then… then I'm leaving."