"Casey do not call him, whatever you do! It's not worth it", Ashleigh points a finger at me giving me her serious look.
"Call who?", I play dumb. I'm laying on my bed on my side watching Ashleigh get ready for the homecoming party at Kappa Tau for the night. I'm trying to get comfortable on my bed but I can't even lay on my stomach because of my belly.
"You know who!", Ashleigh gives me a look. "I know you Case. You're thinking about calling Cappie, aren't you?"
Her hands are on her hips now.
"I didn't realize you were my mother now Ash", I sit up, giving her a look.
"Fine, have sex with Cappie and completely ruin the cordial friend relationship you finally have with him", She throws her hands in the air.
"Ashleigh!", I scream in a whisper. "Don't say 'sex' and 'Cappie' in a sentence together too loud. I don't want the girls to hear, I'm their house mom now".
"Case you're gonna be a real mom soon too, and don't you want to bring that baby into the world with her mother having an uncomplicated relationship with her father?", She makes a fair point.
I think for a moment and then sigh and lay back down on my bed.
"It's just… Ash I'm sort of having a problem… I'm pretty sure it's a pregnancy problem because I've never felt this urge so… strong", I become embarrassed and pull a pillow over my face.
"What problem?", She questions and I pull the pillow away for a moment to look at her confused face.
"It's a problem… that only Cappie can solve", I give her a look hoping she'll catch on to what I'm trying to explain to her without me having to full out admit that the second trimester has brought on new symptoms, one being that I'm pretty much horny all the time. "I mean any guy… could solve it… even I could solve it I guess".
I shake my head then.
"But I want Cappie to solve it, that's the thing Ash", I sigh. "Or I guess I want him to want to solve it too".
"Is a symptom of pregnancy talking in gibberish?", Ashleigh questions me, frustrated.
"I'm saying that I'm having a craving… but not for food", I've tried every innuendo at this point but I give her one last try, giving her an insinuating look.
"Wait… oh my god", her expression changes to disgust then a cringing look, and then she shakes her head. "I can't believe we're talking about this but… can't you just… take care of it yourself?"
"I could but it wouldn't be… it wouldn't be the same and I just miss him. And obviously I don't want to go out with any other guy and I don't want to… take care of the problem with any other guy so… I'm stuck", I sigh. "See pregnant women in relationships have it so much easier, they can basically just have sex whenever the hormonal urge comes on. I'm stuck here, fat, single and thinking about it like… all the time lately".
Ashleigh stands still, looking like she's trying to figure out what to say.
"You don't have to say anything, I know this is like so embarrassing", I put my pillow over my head again.
"No it's not my little soon to be mama", Ashleigh sits on the edge of my bed with a laugh and I pull the pillow away from my face slowly.
"It's okay, I'm just gonna distract myself by watching Twilight again and… that'll fill the void", We both laugh.
"Okay have fun with your fantasies", She gives me a look with a laugh.
"Have fun tonight", I sit up and say to her as she gets her purse ready.
"Are you absolutely sure you don't want to come with?", She says and I can tell she really wants me to go with her. "I feel bad leaving you".
"Ash", I pucker my lip. "Don't feel bad, I'm totally fine here. I just don't really feel like going to a party where everyone is gonna see that I'm pregnant and ask me questions. Not to mention I can't even drink".
I sigh.
"I get it", She nods. "Rebecca and Laura will have to do as my wingwomen tonight".
We both laugh.
"Have fun", I smile.
"Text me if you want me to come home or if you need anything", She says.
"Okay", I smile. "Good luck. Oh and Ash?"
"Yeah?"
"If you um… see Cappie, tell him I said hi", I add in trying to seem nonchalant about it.
"Alright Case", She gives me a smirk and then walks out the door, her heels clacking.
She leaves then and I'm left alone. I'd pretty much be all alone in the house tonight since all the girls were going to the KT homecoming party. Even though I was alone here it actually felt kind of nice. I didn't have to be the house mom tonight, I could just relax.
I spend the first two hours watching Twilight and making popcorn. It was nice to have alone time but I kind of missed my nights out.
Ashleigh texts me about about an hour and a half in and tells me that she's not gonna be home tonight. I want to dig more into where she's gonna be, and mostly I'm interested in who she's going to be with. But I don't want to bother her, I'm sure I'll hear all about it tomorrow.
Now I really was going to be all alone the whole night. And I couldn't lie, I was feeling pretty bored.
Not to mention I was … pent up. And the pregnancy hormones were taking over my life, this whole day my mind wandering to Cappie. To all the times last year, all the times before that, the night on spring break when this whole crazy thing started.
Ugh! Snap out of it Casey. You can fight this.
But then my phone rings
It's his name lighting up on my phone.
"Hey Cap", I pick up.
"Hey Case, how's it going? Are you sure you don't wanna come by tonight?"
A smile forms on my face just knowing he was at KT in all the party madness thinking to call me.
"No, I'm just gonna hang at the house. I'm not really feeling up for a party", I say. "Besides it's pretty late".
Its really only 11:15 but to pregnant me, that was now considered late.
I didn't feel like going to the party though, even though I did want to see Cappie. My belly was bigger now, there was pretty much no way to hide it. Everyone would be asking me questions and it would be hard to even get dressed in something cute. I mean I still look petite but it couldn't exactly pass as just putting some weight on anymore.
"Yeah I get it that", He says and then pauses before speaking. "I'm sorry though, I don't want you to be alone".
He honestly sounded like he cared.
"I'm fine Cappie", I assert. And I was. I'd be okay by myself. I wouldn't wonder the rest of the night if another girl was hitting on him, having it eat away at me until I would just give up on trying to sleep. Okay fine; that's exactly what I would be doing.
"Seriously, why don't I come over? Any cravings today? Or are you off the gross Frosty with French fries mixed in combo now?", He teases me and I can't help the way I grin.
I'm then imagining Cappie going to Wendy's at 2am like he did just the other night.
"Hey! Don't knock it till you try it. And no, I'm okay. I'm not really craving anything tonight", I laugh.
Except you, I think to myself.
"Well I can still come over, we could watch a movie?"
"Don't worry about me Cap. It's your party, you should be there".
"Well it's actually more Rusty and our new pledges party. They stole a goat and now everyone thinks they're gods", Cappie laughs.
"What?", I laugh in confusion which is met with his laughter.
"It's a long story. Anyway… I can come over in a second if you want, I just have to make sure Beav takes his meds", Cappie says and I scoff to myself.
"He got strep throat again didn't he?", I try to stop myself from giggling. Beaver had gotten strep throat twice last year, he'd had a bout of it when I was dating Cappie in the spring semester. And having Beaver remember to take his antibiotics was basically like trying to get a 5 year old to take medicine.
"Yep", Cappie laughs. "You know it kinda feels like he's our practice kid".
I giggle then.
"You know you're probably right about that", I say, thinking about how I had to read Maya Angelou to Beaver for his assignment back in the spring.
"At least he's preparing us for our real kid", Cappie says and I can't see him but I can imagine him smirking on the other end of the phone.
My heart skips a beat hearing him say 'our kid'. Something about him talking about our baby made me feel things. Things I shouldn't be feeling if we are really just two friends having a baby.
"Yeah", I smile. "But really Cappie, I don't want to make you leave your party. I'll be okay".
"Alright, if that's what you really want. I'm fine either way, I'm not really into it tonight anyways".
"You not caring about a party? That's new", I say sarcastically.
"Well… parties for me were always to get drunk and meet girls", He laughs. "And I haven't been doing either of those things since you told me you were pregnant".
I smile then, biting my lip, and all I can hear is the static on my phone for a moment waiting for one of us to speak.
"You can y'know", I say quietly. "Meet girls I mean, or get drunk…."
I hear him sigh slightly on the other end of the phone.
"Yeah but… I'm not really focused on anything other than you and the baby. Even if… we're not together right now", He says and then pauses before he stops being serious and jokes again like the guy he usually is. "But I guess I could go for getting drunk tonight if you're giving me the go ahead".
"Do what you want to Cap, have fun with the guys", I say sincerely. "Talk to you tomorrow?"
"Yeah for sure. And remember, I'll have my phone on me all night so if you need anything I can be there in a second", He assures me.
I blush at how dedicated he really was to this whole thing.
"Okay", I nod. "Thanks Cap, have fun".
"Alright, bye Case".
I hang up the phone then, feeling sad. Because I wanted him here, and why couldn't I just tell him that? I mean, he was literally offering. Things were just so… mucky between us right now. I mean they were good, but it's not like we were together. And I think we're both walking on eggshells around the fact that we used to be together and that the feelings aren't gone.
I lay down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, my hand going to my belly.
"I really love your dad, baby girl", I whisper to her. "I know I didn't talk to you about him for a long time but that's just because I was hurt".
I touch along my bellybutton hoping maybe she'll kick and let me know I'm not all alone.
"I'm sorry that you're not going to be brought into the world with parents that are together but… we both love you and… we love each other too", I say to her, even if it was stupid, even if she couldn't hear me. "We just can't seem to get our timing right with anything".
I move my fingers along my belly to my hips and lower into my pants, goosebumps appearing on my skin as I breath in feeling every nerve in my body.
Then I sigh in frustration of feeling like this and being alone.
Stupid raging hormones. There is absolutely no way I'm gonna make it through the next 4 and a half months like this!
I pick up my phone again then, on a whim, and dial his number.
"Hey, is something wrong already?", I hear his voice, immediately making me smile, my pelvic area feeling on fire with wanting.
"Hey um…", I stammer out my words, not having actually thought about or rehearsed what I was going to say.
I can hear the party in the background on the phone.
"I think we should have sex!", I finally get out.
Wow, okay, real smooth Casey.
"Wait, what?", he says, probably confused.
"Okay I didn't word that right. I'm just… I'm just gonna get it out because I really need you for something, I'm having… an issue", I get out. "And it's something that I kind of need you for. Well I don't need you, but it would be better if it was you because… well I don't want to explain. I'm just asking you to do this for me, with me. No questions asked".
I come up for air after realizing how much I've just rambled on.
I hear him laugh then.
"Don't laugh at me!", I basically whine, and I can hear the noise on his end dying down slightly.
"I'm not, I'm not!", He says, but I can still hear a laugh in his voice. "Here one second, I'm just going up to my room so I can hear you better. Because if I'm not having an aneurysm, you just said you think we should have sex?"
"Yes", I state, plainly.
"With each other?", He jokes again.
"Cappie", I whine.
"Casey…", He says, the noise completely died down and I assume he's in his room now.
"I know it seems crazy, but I'm just feeling all these… feelings. I didn't even know this was a symptom of being pregnant, but I just feel like my whole body is on fire and anything and everything is turning me on…", I groan and hear his laugh again. "Don't laugh! This is a very real problem Cappie!"
He continues his laughter on the other end nonetheless.
I sigh of embarrassment.
"You know what, never mind. I'll just… I'll just take care of it myself. Have a good time Cap", I say, about to hang up.
"Wait, wait! I'm sorry, I'm not making fun of you Case. I'm just surprised but… I'm in for whatever you want, I promise", He says.
"Yeah?", I confirm.
"Yeah I mean if it's something you need help with…", He says.
"It is. Really. I've tried to push it down but it just keeps coming back up", I say, frustrated.
"It's okay", Cappie laughs. "You don't have to explain any further. If you're horny because of the baby hormone stuff going on, then what kind of baby daddy would I be not to help you out with it?"
I can tell he's joking with me.
"So you'll come over then?", I confirm and sit up on my bed, feeling my heart race.
"Would I really be me if I turned down sex?", I hear him joke. "I'm trying to be mature but I'm still me. Besides I told you I would be at your service twenty four seven".
I roll my eyes but I'm smiling.
"Thanks Cap, there's no one here, so you can just… come in", I say.
"Alright, see you soon. Don't start without me", he laughs and I roll my eyes, my face red hot.
"Hurry then", I laugh, joking with him and then hang up.
I was really doing this. I couldn't believe that I'd actually called him. And that I was doing this.
Should I be doing this?
"Okay, go to sleep for this next part baby bean", I draw across my belly with my finger before laying down again waiting for him to get here.