After his abduction, anal probing and UFO crash the previous night, Seth somehow managed to make it back to his bed after surviving that awful crash and explosion. Nonetheless, he began his morning routine, waking up to the sound of A Man Without Love by Engelbert Humperdinck. He got out of bed, managed to keep himself together after last night's events, and got himself dressed, putting on his regular attire, before putting on his mage robe and headband.
After getting dressed in his Mage attire, Seth received a Facebook message from Randy.
Thanks again for getting me out of there. I tried to tell them to stop, but I'm just too polite.
Seth snickered at this. He then received another message, this time from Butters.
Hey, Seth! Thanks for playing with us yesterday. It was really fun! Hope you'll play with us again today!
Tolkien, Pip, Tweek and Craig like this.
This made Seth smile to himself, as he was touched by the comments. He liked the post and sent a reply.
I love you guys too. No homo.
After this, he headed downstairs and proceeded to go outside, only to be unexpectedly greeted by the sudden arrival of Cartman, who looked very frantic.
"AGHGH! MY GOD! They came outta nowhere!" He screamed.
"Whoa whoa whoa, calm down, man! Chill the f out and relax!" Seth said, trying to calm Cartman down. "Who came outta nowhere? What happened?"
"There was a huge earthquake and then, and then there was burning in my yard!" Cartman answered.
"Uh, I-I don't know what you're talking about…" Seth replied, his tone suddenly sounding suspicious. Cartman seemed oblivious to it though.
"Didn't you hear about it?!" Cartman asked.
"Me? Nope! Uh-uh!" Seth replied, clearly lying.
"Are you serious, Douchebag? It's all over the news!" Cartman revealed. "Here, look!"
He then turned Seth's TV on, showing a news report regarding the events of the previous night.
"...and that a large earthquake and several fires in the South Park area last night woke many residents from their sleep." The news reporter, Tom said. "Here with a report is a midget in a bikini.
The TV then showed the Midget in a Bikini standing outside the crash site, reporting on the scene.
"Tom, government workers here are assuring everyone nothing out of the ordinary has happened." He stated. "They claim that the only reason huge tents have gone up to cover this area is to mask the construction of a new Taco Bell which will open sometime later this month."
"Thanks, Midget, I do love me some Taco Bell." Tom continued. "The mayor of South Park states that last night's tremors and fires are under control and that hopefully schools and businesses can open again soon.
"Oh god no…" Seth quietly said to himself. He had a feeling that he was the reason why this happened.
"I know, it's horrible!" Cartman stated. "But that's not the worst of it!"
"It's Saturday, right?" Seth asked, trying to change the topic.
"Never mind that, we have bigger problems than that! You don't understand!" Cartman replied.
"Dude, a fucking spaceship crashed into the mall, and I think I was raped by aliens last night. Now, I have an anal probe stuck in my ass." Seth retorted. "What could possibly be worse than that?"
"Well, I've never had one, so I don't know how that feels. But the elves... THEY TOOK THE STICK!" Cartman revealed.
"Come again?" Seth asked.
"And it's BULLSHIT, because that is TOTALLY CHEATING! We specifically said no trying to take the Stick at night! Elves are DIRTY LITTLE LIARS! And we have to lay waste to their ENTIRE BASE!
"How are we supposed to do that?" Seth asked.
"I'll explain it to you once we head back to the kingdom. Come with me." Cartman ordered.
"But I haven't even had breakfast yet." Seth pointed out.
"There's no time, Sir Douchebag. The fate of the universe is at stake!" Cartman refused. "Besides, we're having donuts in the kingdom right now. Surely you wouldn't turn down a pink frosted sprinkled donut."
"Ooh, actually that does sound tasty. I'll take the jam flavored one if you have those." Seth accepted.
The two proceeded to leave the house, only to see Butters approaching them holding a donut.
"Heya, Seth!" Butters said, greeting his friend.
"Hey, Butters!" Seth said warmly in return.
"Butters, I've got this. What are you doing here?" Cartman asked.
"I was just coming over to see if - well, if Seth wanted to come play with us again." Butters answered.
"Hey now dude, I'm definitely down!" Seth replied. "We were just about to come over to the kingdom anyway."
"Really? Oh, neato!" Butters cheered. "Hopefully there's some donuts left for you!"
"There better be, all this talk is making me more hungry now…" Seth said, as the trio headed for Cartman's house.
Inside the Kingdom of Kupa Keep, Kenny and Karen were seen standing together eating donuts, Tweek was seen practicing his skills in the training grounds while eating a donut in between, Scott was tending the stables while eating a donut, and Pip was seen addressing three new faces in the kingdom; Kevin Stoley, Gary Harrison and Mark Cotswolds. He too was holding a donut.
"Okay, gentlemen. You make wonderful additions to the kingdom, as well as fine soldiers." He said to the trio. "But today, as part of your training, we're going to teach you the element of surprise."
He then unexpectedly slapped Mark across the face.
"Surprise!" He added.
Out of instinct, Mark then slapped Pip right back. This caused the English boy to smile and point to him respectfully.
"You're learning." He concluded.
Shortly after, Tolkien and Craig approached the group to observe the fresh meat, both holding donuts.
"So, blacksmith, how goes the training?" Tolkien asked.
"Quite well. I was just showing these chaps the element of surprise." Pip answered.
"Have you punched them yet?" Craig added.
"I'll do so after lunch." Pip confirmed as he ate his donut.
Shortly after, Cartman arrived, with Butters and Seth in tow.
"Well, look who's back?" Craig said as the guys acknowledged Seth's presence.
"Ah, good day, Seth!" Pip added. "Have you come to engage in more adventurous hijinks today?"
"You know it!" Seth answered as he approached the group, taking a donut offered to him by Butters in the process.
"Oh, wonderful!" Pip cheered. "We've also recruited three new members to the kingdom today! This is–"
"Shut up, Pip, you French piece of crap! Go back to blacksmithing or whatever it is that you do!" Cartman rudely interrupted, before introducing the trio himself, starting with Mark.
"This is our new fighter, Mark Cotswolds." Cartman explained. "He used to be homeschooled, then he wasn't. He also kicked Kyle's ass one time. He's cool. "
"Hey, Seth. What's up?" Mark greeted.
"I'm good, man. How do you know my name already though?" Seth wondered.
"Pip told us a lot about you and how you dealt with the bard yesterday." Mark answered before suddenly becoming angry. "I sincerely hope you deal with that bitch-ass Elf King the same way! That fucking asshole must die for what he did to me and my sister!"
"Oh yeah, he also really hates the Elf King. He turned his sister into a slut once, and now she's his queen." Cartman added, before moving over to Gary. "And this is Gary Harrison. He's a Mormon and kind of a fag, but he's also cool!"
"Hello, Seth. It's very nice to meet you." Gary politely greeted. "I hope we can become really good friends."
"Likewise." Seth replied. "So, you're a real Mormon?"
"That's right." Gary answered. "I look forward to sharing all sorts of new discoveries with you."
"Cool! Is it true that there's a Mormon Jesus?" Seth wondered.
"I can't confirm or deny." Gary answered before Cartman moved over to Kevin.
"And this is Kevin Stoley. He's…a geek." Cartman said.
"Greetings, human. I am a first officer of the U.S.S. Kevin." Kevin said. "We are currently orbiting Earth and are prepared to provide photon torpedo support for your kingdom if necessary."
"...What?" Seth asked, very confused.
"Okay, seriously, Kevin. There are no fucking spaceships in Zaron, okay?" Cartman added in an annoyed tone. "It's just humans and elves and they don't have fucking phasers, they have swords and arrows."
"Forgive me, admiral. My Vulcan half does not always prevent me from doing illogical things." Kevin replied
"...Kevin, goddammit…" Cartman muttered as he walked away in annoyance before calling his team over for an emergency meeting.
"Like he said, Kevin's a geek." Tolkien admitted.
"Alright, people, listen up. We've got some serious shit to discuss." He began. "The Stick of Truth has gone missing, and we must do whatever it takes to get it back. Therefore, as your wizard king, I have a plan to–"
"Hey, guys!" Cutting Cartman off was the unexpected arrival of Kenny's girlfriend Tammy Warner, who was seen wearing a more fantasy based version of her regular attire. "How's it going?"
"Tammy!" Karen cheered as she ran towards Tammy and jumped towards her with Tammy easily catching the prince and twirling her around a bit. "I didn't know you were joining us too!"
"Well, what can I say, squirt! I wanted to hang out with my favorite little prince!" Tammy replied as she bounced the prince up and down a bit in her arms, making Karen giggle a bit. "So how are you guys doing?"
"We're doing great!" Kenny answered. "I would be honored to have a fine warrior such as yourself in our kingdom!"
"Who's the hot chick?" Seth asked Tolkien.
"Oh, that's Tammy Warner. She's Princess Kenny's girlfriend." Tolkien answered.
"Damn, Princess Kenny's a lucky dude…chick." Seth noted.
"Princess Kenny, can I have a word with you in private?" Cartman spoke up as he glared at Tammy, not too pleased a girl was trespassing on his kingdom.
He walked off with Kenny to his tent, where they proceeded to have a private conversation while everyone listened in from outside.
"The fuck is your bitch doing here?" Cartman demanded. "I already let your sister join cause you wouldn't stop bitching about it! Why are you fucking inviting every chick you know to join the kingdom!? Next thing I know, you'll bring in that other bitch you used to date when we went to that rainforest!"
The others heard the argument outside, and soon heard the sound of what sounded like Kenny kicking Cartman with great force in the balls, making everyone cringe at the sound.
"OW! What the FUCK!?" Cartman cried out.
"Don't call my girlfriends bitches, asshole!" Kenny snapped.
After this, they both emerged from the tent, with Cartman holding on to his balls in pain.
"Fine… Tammy can be a part of the game too." He said in a pained voice.
"Yay!" Karen cheered. "What class do you wanna be?"
"Well, with what I'm already wearing, I think I'm gonna be a sexy warrior girl." Tammy decided. "Plus, if any of you boys need it, I have experience as a tailor. I can sell you guys new outfits if you want."
"Fine, fuck it, crusader/retail saleswoman it is." Cartman bluntly accepted. "You're already a whore so you'd be fitting as a masochistic tank. Now can I get back to my fucking announcement!?"
"Sure thing! But first off, I wanna know if Kenny's still up for our date at Stark's Pond tonight." Tammy asked.
"Oh you better fucking believe I am!" Kenny said in an excited tone.
"Gross, dude." Craig said, rolling his eyes.
"Lucky…" Scott mumbled while looking at the ground.
"Now then…" Cartman began again. "As you are all aware, the Stick of Truth was reported stolen last night. There's no doubt that this was the work of those asshole drow elves."
"AGH! How did they get the stick!? I thought we hid it somewhere safe! I THOUGHT WE HID IT SOMEWHERE SAFE!" Tweek panicked.
"How can you be sure it was even the drow elves who took the stick?" Craig asked.
"Who else would it fucking be, Craig? There's no other groups playing with us!" Cartman pointed out.
"But how do you plan on dealing with this, my king?" Butters asked.
"Well, paladin, I'm glad you asked." Cartman answered before turning to Seth. "You have some incredible quality to make friends quickly, Sir Douchebag."
"Still not my name." Seth replied.
"I'm sending you on a quest to go out into the lands of Zaron and recruit a whole 'nother FACTION to Kupa Keep." Cartman continued.
"Didn't you just recruit the three of us?" Mark asked.
"And I probably also count." Tammy added.
"Three people and one whore alone ain't gonna cut it, guys. We need all the help we can get." Cartman answered before handing a letter to Seth. "Find the goth kids and give them this letter."
"Goth kids, huh? Sure, we can do that, I guess." Seth said, accepting the assignment.
"Excellent! Get them to join our kingdom and we shall lay waste to the Drow Elves once and for all!" Cartman ordered before he walked off to his tent muttering. "Fucking cheaters…"
Seth shrugged it off and tried to leave with Butters until Mark stopped him.
"Hey, Seth. May I ask a favor?" Mark asked.
"Sure, dude, what do you need?" Seth agreed.
"The drow elves have raised banners all around town, claiming human territory for their own." Mark explained.
"Plus, it's all over Twitter." Gary added.
"Yes. I believe balance can be restored only if a Chosen One were to fuck up their banners." Mark requested.
"So you want me to destroy a bunch of banners the elves have all over town?" Seth asked.
"Precisely." Mark confirmed.
"Are you only asking for Seth to do this just so you can stick it to the elf king because he's dating your sister?" Gary asked.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Mark answered defensively before turning to Seth. "Just destroy any banners you find on your travels. Let me know when they've all been destroyed."
"Will do!" Seth tried to leave again before Kevin stopped him.
"Excuse me, human. I must also make a request." He said.
"Uh, sure. What's up?" Seth asked.
"While I would prefer to explore strange worlds with you, it is illogical to abandon the bridge until the captain returns." Kevin answered.
Seth, Butters, Gary and Mark all proceeded to stare at him in confusion.
"The captain is my mom. I can't go outside while she's not home." He explained.
"But you're outside right now…" Seth pointed out.
"The captain is currently unaware of my whereabouts. I am surely getting grounded tonight.." Kevin revealed. "But the Federation branch of the KKK has an urgent mission for you."
"Federation branch? Is that a thing?" Seth wondered.
"It is now. Anyway, a tricorder was left behind on the frozen planet of Hoth." Kevin continued. "Only it's not a tricorder, i-it's my dad's iPad 2. I need you to beam down to Omicron Sector and locate that device before it falls into Klingon hands."
"Dude, I don't watch Star Trek. The closest thing to Sci-Fi TV I have ever watched is Red Dwarf." Seth replied, clearly confused and a little annoyed. "Can you please stop being a smeg head and keep it simple with what you need done?"
"Uh…I think it fell out of my backpack near the church." Kevin answered.
"Thank you… I'll go look for it when I'm up and about." Seth said before he left. "Come on, Butters!"
"I'm coming, buddy!" Butters replied as he followed Seth out of the kingdom.
With that, the two friends headed out of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep and headed to find the goth kids.