Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, nor do I own When the World's Not Ending, by Smartalec121 or any of their associated works.
Off the Beaten Path
Chapter: 32/ Fear is like a Forest
A distant drum of thunder wrested Takato from a sound sleep, the first in what felt like ages. Looking over to his side, he followed the gentle pitter-patter sound to the sheen of rain distorting the glass slide door leading out to his room's hanging metal porch. He closed his eyes unhappily. He knew the weather had been coming, but it didn't change his feelings a single drop. Drawing back his blankets and their warmth, he stiffly sat up. A dull, unpleasant throb made its presence known in his back and arm, tracing along his old scars.
"Hurts…" he mumbled, massaging his arm. He looked about his room. Finding himself alone, he sighed with relief that Guilmon wasn't here to see him like this. Pulling himself over the ladder, he, with great care, climbed down. His old wounds groaned with the exertion and his ribs felt like a chilled saw was running along them with every breath. Upon touching down on the floor, he stood there, feeling the swollen buzzing beneath his skin. The echoes of his scars swarmed underneath his skin like an army of ants. With every pinprick of their tiny legs, breathing became difficult and his head became full of mud, slowing his thoughts. Hugging his arms about himself, he massaged his ribs to relieve the twinges in them. It worked, but only a little bit. The buzzing and head mud remained and there would be no changing that. It would remain until the weather broke again and the rain vacated for other locations.
"Time to get dressed," he muttered. Pushing away from the ladder, he stiffly went over to his hamper and grabbed whatever was available and pulled them on.
Behind him, the door to his room slid open, and Guilmon stepped inside.
"Takato! You're awake!" Approaching, he gave his partner a sniff. "You're not feeling well."
"It's just the usual rain aches," Takato replied, massaging his muscles. "I'll be fine."
He gave Guilmon a comforting smile that he knew didn't fool the dinosaur in the slightest. His partner's nose was too good.
"If you say so," Guilmon said, playing along. "Your mom says you can take it easy today. We're not expecting many customers."
"That'd be nice. I could get some studying in."
"Will you be training with Rika today?"
Takato nodded, albeit with a touch of reluctance. The discomfort would complicate things, but he could make do. He just hoped she wouldn't make a big deal out of it. She was oddly attentive when it came to him.
He thought about how she had taken to holding his hand when he became distressed and a light blush colored his features as he realized that it would be the two of them alone. Suzie wasn't participating as she would be visiting with the psychiatrist Himiko assigned to them, and Kenta would be hanging out with Rika's friend, Toshiko. That left just them. There appeared to be nothing wrong with the arrangement on the surface, but it brought up a question that nagged the back of his mind for some time now.
"Why is she so focused on me?" he wondered aloud.
"Hah?" Guilmon's ears rose up at this. "What are you talking about, Takato?"
"Rika." Takato pressed a hand against his shoulder and squeezed a groaning muscle. The ache felt fat and swollen, like a giant spider feasting on his suffering. "She… I don't know. Focuses on me a lot. I don't know why."
The dinosaur pondered his question for a moment before shrugging
"Maybe she just really wants to be friends?" he suggested. "I mean, we only ever see her when we're doing Tamer things. That's not always fun and she probably wants to have fun and thinks you should too. You have been pretty stressed out lately."
Takato scratched his hair uncertainly. "I know. I just…" He frowned. Cocking his head, Guilmon took a step closer.
"Just what, Takato?"
"Maybe I'm just looking too deep into it like I did with Jeri."
"You're wondering if she likes you?"
Takato blushed lightly and again scratched at his hair. "Kind of silly, huh?"
Guilmon shook his head. "I don't think so. Why would it be? I know I'd like to play hide and seek with Renamon. I bet she'd be really great at that."
"Yeah, but this is different."
"Yeah," Guilmon agreed. "She smells kind of confused about you. Like, she doesn't know what she wants."
"She… Wait, what?"
Takato's face flushed dark red at that and he looked at his partner in bewilderment. For half a moment, he swore he saw something in his eyes and he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt now, that his suspicions were correct. He opened his mouth to object; to say that they were both clearly just imagining things. Yet, thinking back, Takato remembered her holding his hand. The feel of her touch and the firmness of her grip. All the hugs and displays of affection and comfort; the kind words and encouragement. If Rika was trying to send a message to him about how she felt about him, she all but used a bullhorn.
Takato felt his heart crack.
"Why me? I-I mean, if she really actually feels that way, why?"
"You could always ask her, Takato."
I don't want to, Takato thought, and his heart suddenly lurched with fear. He gripped his fists tightly, remembering Jeri and how he failed her. I'm…not worthy.
He closed his eyes. How can I tell her that I don't feel the same way? That I can't? I should call her and cancel. She probably won't like that, but I'll only hurt her worse if I don't.
Reopening his eyes, his gaze fell upon Yamaki's lighter where it sat on his desk, next to his digivice and cellphone. He thought of Riley and how she had been following his funeral.
Death follows me around no matter where I go. I shouldn't be with her or anyone like that.
He felt a familiar coldness fold around his heart and his emotions began to flatten. He pushed back against it, fearing its effect on his partner. He struggled. The shallowness of his breaths and the swollen soreness of his muscles didn't help things much.
Guilmon watching him with concern, sensed his turmoil.
"Aren't you happy being around her, Takato?" he asked. "She's happy whenever she's with you. She trusts you."
Takato turned away and headed for his door. "But I haven't done anything except let people down. Why should she trust me at all? I'm not-not that other version of me she met."
Guilmon sighed. Today was a bad day for his partner it seemed. He expected that of course. Rainy days were always the worst for him. He couldn't do much of anything for him except wait out the weather and try to be a counterbalance to his friend's dark thoughts. One the sky's mood improved, so would Takato's.
That's usually how things go anyway, he thought, following Takato down the stairs. Still, finding out that Rika 'liked' him in a similar vein as Jeri distressed him. He didn't understand why some humans – Takato especially – became like that whenever they learned about such feelings. He felt though, at least in Takato's case, that Jeri's death haunted him and led him down dark thoughts and roads in his mind.
A familiar scent wafted into Guilmon's nostrils as they descended the final landing and entered the bakery proper. His ears perked up.
"I smell Alice," he announced. At once, Takato's shoulders sagged.
"Great," he mumbled, and at once Guilmon picked up a smell of apprehension. He cocked his head in curiosity. On the occasion he saw Alice, the scents around the two had been a swirl of anger and anxiety despite barely talking to one another. He hadn't pried about it, sensing Takato's reluctance, but he understandably wanted to know why things had become so tense between them.
"Might as well get this over with," Takato said, stepping into the front area. There, the duo found Alice perusing the pastry section. Her blue eyes slid up to the teen upon his entry, and there hung on him.
"Takato," she nodded. The teen returned it hesitantly. Alice's brow shifted over to Guilmon and then back. There was a subtle change in her expression and Guilmon, who already smelled the anger coming off her, relaxed a little as it died back a bit.
"You look like a wreck," she continued. "The weather?"
"I'll be fine," Takato replied. "Are you finding everything you need?"
"Including you, yes. If I may speak to you privately…"
"Ah, sure," Takato nodded reluctantly. Alice gave Guilmon a meaningful look. Guilmon's ears rose up in surprise.
"Are you going to confess to Takato?" he asked. Takato gave a start while Alice lifted an eyebrow.
"No," she replied frankly. Guilmon let out a sigh of relief.
"That's good. No offense, but I don't think Rika would like fighting you over him."
"G-Guilmon!" Takato exclaimed.
"What's wrong? Rika doesn't like being jealous of other girls."
"Momentai," Alice said, patting the dinosaur on the head. "You can tell her I have no intention of stealing her gogglehead. But I need you to give us some privacy."
"Oh…" Guilmon paused for a moment. "Should I be jealous then?"
"Guilmon…" Alice warned. Detecting the sharpness in her tone, Guilmon hastily spun around and vacated the premises. Now, having Takato's undivided attention, Alice turned back toward Takato. He met her blue gaze without hesitation now, something that raised her opinion of him.
"If you'd like, we can take this into the back…" he began, but Alice shook her head.
"I'm going to make this quick. I've been thinking quite a while about how to approach this. When you sent me that message about looking into changing Guilmon's partnership…" Her fists clenched tightly at that before relaxing. "I know you weren't in a good place when you said that, so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. But…do you still intend to look into it?"
Takato was silent for but a moment before he answered, "No. I-I forgot that one of the most important things about being a Tamer is not running away from your problems, but facing up to them. When I was in the digital world, I was offered a chance to start over with Guilmon, but I couldn't do it because then he wouldn't be him. If-If I tried to push him off onto someone else, it'd mean throwing away our friendship. I don't think he'd forgive me. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."
"He'd forgive you," Alice said with confidence, and her tone became lighter. If not friendlier, than gentler and more understanding. "That's how he is. And he's a part of you. The only difference is he doesn't have your baggage." Picking up a pastry next to her, she turned away. "Don't ever ask me to do something like that for you again. Next time, I won't be nice with my refusal."
"Got it," Takato agreed, feeling a great weight fall away from his shoulders. "And…thanks."
Alice met his gaze for a moment and then wordlessly made her way over to the register. Takato followed her to cash her out. Alice then bade him goodbye and left the bakery. He stood there, watching her go, lost in thought. He didn't notice that Guilmon stood next to him until the digimon spoke.
"She's right you know. I do forgive you."
"Ah!" Takato jumped in surprise. "Guilmon! You…" His face went pale. "You heard all of that?"
"I'm sorry." Guilmon's ears drooped apologetically. "I know I wasn't supposed to. You're not mad, are you?"
"N-No! Guilmon, I should be asking you that! How…" Takato fumbled for his words. "How can you forgive me just like that?"
"You were only worried about me, and I know how things have been for you lately. You wouldn't have thought about doing something like that if you didn't think you had a good reason for it."
Takato felt a lump in the back of his throat. His eyes dampening, he hastily turned away. "Guilmon… S-Sometimes, the way you look at the world… I've said it before. It's like you see things so clearly. Better than I do sometimes."
His tail wagging, Guilmon pressed himself against his partner. "I think I've said it before too. I get it from you, Takato."
"I'm going to have to thank Rika again." Takato sniffed. "She's the one who convinced me to not go through with it. She reminded me that I shouldn't always be afraid of you whenever I mess up." His eyes softened. "She sees things pretty clearly too sometimes."
"Maybe you should tell her that," Guilmon said. Reaching up, he wiped at Takato's eyes. At his touch, Takato made a choking sound.
"I'm so sorry, boy," he said, embracing his partner tightly.
###
"One, two, three. One, two. One, two, three. One, two."
Rika's breath came out in heavy pants while keeping pace with Toshiko. The shorter girl's breathing remained even and without a single indication she was tired. Rika couldn't help but feel annoyed and jealous.
I've got to remember that she's been at this for a lot longer. The image of her alternate self, fitter and more obviously muscular, flashed through her mind. Gritting her teeth, she began to pound her feet against the pavement even harder. I've got no one to blame but myself.
"Do you want to take a break?" Toshiko asked, seeing her friend's growing pace. Rika breathlessly shook her head and continued to run. Pressing her lips together, Toshiko fell back a pace and, carefully, drew out her phone. A moment later, Rika felt a buzzing in her pocket. Stopping in place, the fire haired girl shot her friend a hard look. Toshiko, merely blushed and hid behind her cellphone.
"Something you want to tell me?" Rika asked. Toshiko nodded, but remained mute. Sighing, Rika drew her own cellphone out of her pocket and quickly read the text message. She then rolled her eyes.
"I am not trying to become the new 'Leg Queen,'" she snapped. "I thought you hated being called that anyway!"
"S-Sorry. I just thought… If you weren't going to stop and take a break…I needed to…stop you?"
Rika's looked at her friend while her breathing normalized. Her annoyance falling away, she went over to the shorter girl and pulled her into a hug.
"I'm making you nervous. Sorry about that."
"I-It's okay!" Toshiko squeaked against Rika's shoulder. Threading her fingers through Toshiko's curly hair, Rika gave her friend a tight squeeze.
"No, it's not." Sighing, she pulled back. Leaning her back against the cold, concrete wall behind her, she wiped an arm across her brow. Slowly, she sank down. Folding her hands in front of her, Toshiko looked at her friend with concern.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Rika grit her teeth, struggling for a moment before finally saying, "I just…hate being reminded of my inadequacies."
"Huh?" Toshiko lifted an eyebrow. "W-What do you mean?"
In answer, Rika took out a digimon playing card from her pocket. She glared at it. Toshiko cocked her head to one side questioningly.
"Um, I'm confused. Is it a bad card?"
Rika shook her head. "It's not the card that's the problem. The problem is me. I can't make it a Blue Card like Takato and Suzie can."
"O-Oh." She had heard about the Blue Card while sitting in on Rika's training. They were apparently necessary for digivolving to the higher, stronger level of Ultimate, but creating them required one to 'wish' them into existence from some digital creature called a 'digignome,' the original source of the digivices and human and digimon partnerships.
"It feels like another reminder that I wasn't supposed to be a Tamer in this world," Rika continued, lowering the card. "There's something wrong with me that the Other-Me didn't have a problem with. I'm missing something. It's like I'm not trying hard enough."
"Um, what differences were there between you two?" Toshiko asked. She had never really ventured much to ask anything about the other world Rika saw. What snatches she did hear left her with no no particular interest about it or even the desire to visit it. Other-Rika wasn't the same girl she knew after all and she was, admittedly, worried what she might learn about her. A world where they might not be friends didn't sit well with her heart. Now however, it appeared to be necessary to help her get through the walls blocking her friend's advancement to the next stage of being a Tamer.
"Other-Me was a brat," Rika huffed. "She became jealous of me because I'm more sociable and nicer than she was. She…" Her expression softened. "I'm not being fair to her. She didn't have Dad."
"Did he die…?"
"No." Rika shook her head. "Grandma – Other-Grandma – said he's still alive. He's just not living with them anymore." Her voice then dropped. "You know how my mom and dad aren't happy together. I guess over there, they didn't bother trying to stay together and he left."
She shivered, and a memory came to mind. One where she was much smaller and watching her father through the doorway of his room following a particularly terse discussion about her upbringing.
"Are you going to leave?" she had asked in her tiny voice, hands clutching a toy fox close to her.
"Maybe it's more of that 'competing with yourself' that you told me about."
Rika looked up at Toshiko questioningly. "What do you mean?"
The mousy girl fidgeted for a moment, seeming to struggle with herself.
"Toshi, it's okay. I'm not going to get mad at you."
"I-It's not that. I'm just trying to figure out how to say it. Um, it's like you're being impatient to get to the finish line? L-Like when you kissed Takato?"
Feeling her cheeks warm in memory of that moment, Rika looked away in embarrassment.
"A-And remember what you said about being impatient to fix things?" Toshiko hastily continued, her own face starting to bloom bright red.
"Yeah, I get it," Rika sighed in frustration and embarrassment. "I'm getting in my own way again."
Toshiko gave Rika a sympathetic smile. "My dad always used to tell me trying to run before you can even walk can lead to a lot of falling."
"So, what am I missing here then?" Rika asked, indicating the card in her hand. "That I don't know how to wish?"
"Maybe it's different?" Toshiko shrugged. "Like how things are different between you and your Other-You. I mean, I don't know how to say it without sounding mean, but…"
"Would you rather type it then?" Rika asked. Toshiko nodded quickly. Taking out her cellphone, she hastily typed up a message and hit send. Rika's phone buzzed a second later. She opened up her inbox.
Mayb u wished for something and got it so u dont wish as hard anymore.
Rika felt her eyebrows arch in surprise at this and she turned her gaze up at her friend. Toshiko was visibly red-faced now and doing her best to avoid Rika's gaze.
"Sometimes, you're scary, Toshiko," she said.
"Sorry."
"No, don't be. It's probably something I needed to hear." Rika leaned the back of her head against the stone wall thoughtfully. As always, her issue came back to the differences between her existence and the Other-Rika. Her parents stayed together instead of divorced, and although she did wish that they got along better instead of tiptoe around one another, her father remained a prominent figure in her life. He loved her and supported her and had even stood up for her against her mother's overbearing nature.
All things the Other-Rika never got to experience growing up.
I've been so focused on comparing myself to her that I never stopped to think about what made her a Tamer instead of me. Did I just not want to be one bad enough back then? Was there something else that went into it? Other-Me said she chose to be a Tamer. Why?
She thought about her conversation with her counterpart. Other-Rika had told her then that there were things they didn't understand that went into becoming one, but for her the key reason behind it had been a choice. What drove that decision? The desire to become a Tamer.
Was it because Dad wasn't there and she had to fight without him? Was it because she felt abandoned?
She chewed on her lower lip, finding herself wishing she could meet her again, if only to compare notes.
No. I've got to figure this out on my own. I'm already a Tamer, so I'm on the right track. I just need something else. Something more. Takato said he summoned his Blue Card because he wanted to protect everyone in the city. Henry because he wanted to protect his sister. What do I want to protect? My family? My friends?
The card in her hand, still not blue, almost seemed to mock her efforts. She sighed and soon pocketed it.
"Maybe I need to be in danger or something to focus my thoughts on this."
Toshiko gave a loud, frightened squeak at that.
"Sorry," Rika apologized. "I don't mean it like that. I'm not going to do something dumb. I'm just thinking out loud. Kind of like how when I got my digivice. I wanted to help Takato no matter how serious things got. Maybe I need to remember how I felt then."
"M-Maybe." Toshiko's voice quavered, clearly unhappy with the notion. Rika sighed. She could tell her friend was only trying to be agreeable, but definitely didn't want to see her in any kind of danger. It made her wonder how things were going between her and Kenta, so she asked.
"Oh, t-things are going swell," Toshiko blushed. "I mean, it worries me that his nose got broken, but you know."
"Right." Rika grunted as she climbed to her feet. "Honey moon's over, huh?"
Toshiko's face fell.
"I'm going to worry a lot about the two of you, aren't I?"
Rika nodded and patted Toshiko on the shoulder. "Yeah. But things should be getting a little bit better now. All it took in the Other-World was one more Tamer to make all the difference after all. With four of us, we can watch each other's backs better."
"If you say so," Toshiko said worriedly.
"I do." Rika stretched. "Up for another lap?"
###
After returning home, Rika found her attention wandering to the time, counting down the hours and minutes until Takato arrived for training. The house felt unnaturally still and her brain, unsettled by the lack of noise, worked on it, trying to determine why things were so quiet. Her father's job had, much to his displeasure, required his presence, so he was away, leaving the motorcross tickets behind. Her mother and grandmother remained present, but their usual noises were strangely absent. Perhaps because her mother stayed instead of going out to a modeling shoot played a role. It struck her then that her mother wanted something and her grandmother's silence was to give her the opportunity to do so at her own pace.
As time wore on, she became more and more certain this was the case.
Her hair down and seated at her table, Rika stared at her cards where they lay, formulating her battle strategies. The silence niggled the back of her mind. When she heard her mother's approaching footsteps – identifiable by the graceful, yet oddly forceful sound her feet made against the floor – she found herself breathing a sigh of relief. She looked over her shoulder and sure enough, there she was. Rika raised an eyebrow at her.
"That's a new look," she remarked, noting the rather conservative, plain, long-sleeved sweater and pants the woman wore. In her mind, she expected something more usual for her. A dress or something similar. Warm or cold, her mother rarely wore something that didn't flatter or draw attention to her, regardless of the practicality behind it. Even the coldest weather didn't normally stop her, as she would merely pile on multiple layers or loose, puffy affairs.
Rika cocked her head. The last time her mother wore something like this had been the day she went to Yamaki's funeral.
Business-like. It occurred to Rika that her mother communicated through her clothes. Is she trying to tell me she's taking me seriously?
"You like it?" Rumiko asked, smiling wanly at the door to Rika's room.
"It's…nice," Rika replied cautiously. Sensing this, Rumiko sighed.
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to say hi and, well, talk, I guess. That Takato will be here soon."
"Yes," Rika nodded. She frowned slightly. "You don't approve."
Rumiko's expression went through different phases. Hurt, disapproval, and then determined.
"I know we've already discussed this. And you're already a Tamer."
"You're right on both counts," Rika agreed. Rumiko became hesitant now, uncertain as to how to proceed.
"I can't talk you out of it," she resumed. "You're a lot like me. Once you set your mind on something, you'll see it through, no matter what."
Are you going somewhere with this, Mother? Rika wanted to say, but she knew that wouldn't fly well and would likely only extend the conversation longer than she would like. Her mother did not have enough steam, which ensured that things would be short. So, she waited.
"I wish I could understand why you feel this way," Rumiko continued. Rika clenched a fist tightly, but held her tongue. "I mean, I know what you told us about what you saw in that-that other place. That this alternate-you saved lives and now you feel responsible for that because you weren't-weren't her. I'm sorry. I guess, I'm not making much sense. I want to understand, I do. I suppose that if I were in your shoes, I might end up feeling responsible too."
Rika closed her eyes, thinking of Takato, Suzie, and Kenta. How they had been carrying the weight of their responsibilities by themselves for so long now. All because of one fateful decision that changed so many lives.
"You kind of are responsible."
"What do you mean?" Rumiko asked, surprised.
"You and Dad are divorced in that world," Rika announced. Rumiko blinked, her haphazard train of thought grinding to a halt.
"I… What?"
"When I was there, I asked when Dad was coming home. That you said he wasn't. From the way she sounded, it had been like that for a long time. That other version of me sounded angry when I asked and just from dealing with her, I knew she had a hard time dealing with certain…things. Things like people."She met her mother's gaze levelly, watching her reaction as she processed all the things left unsaid. It didn't take much to read that the thought had crossed her mind on more than one occasion, and now the consequences of that decision were thrust in front of her. Rumiko looked away. Rika, feeling as though she had just slapped her mother, did likewise.
"Rika… We're not… Your father and I…"
At her mother's hesitant words, Rika's nails bit into her palms and she found herself becoming all too aware of how fast her heart was beating inside her chest. It felt like a dam was breaching inside her. She clenched her eyes, trying to stop it up, but before she knew it, the words spilled out of her mouth. "I know you guys aren't happy together. Don't try to tell me otherwise." She drew in a sharp, deep breath to try and reign herself in. "I'm-I'm not blaming you either." She swore inwardly over how her voice shook. "I'm just…" Rika swallowed and her fists began to shake. "I hate the thought of losing you two. For years, I've been scared that it'll happen. That one day the two of you will just decide to break it off and then it'll be over. No more Mom and Dad. Just maybe Mom or maybe Dad. A whole lot of maybes that might really be never. And then one day I look up and I see what that cost other people without it even meaning too. People who might have been my friends and…"
Rika's face scrunched up with growing anger. "It's all so stupid. But it's real and I can't ignore it. I can't get it out of my head. Especially when I see Takato. She… He…"
He was Other-Me's best friend and she was in love with him…
But she couldn't say that out loud. Her heart wouldn't let her. She looked back at her mother.
"They were there for one another. They had each other's back and you could tell they were both better for it. Maybe I don't know if everything else there was, but I know that much."
Especially if she took my advice. Her Takato cared so much about her. She'd be stupid to throw that away because she's insecure.
Rumiko looked back at her daughter and held her gaze. After a moment, she went up to her.
"Oh, Rika," she said softly. Dropping down, she folded her arms about the girl and drew her into a hug. Rika let her, and even returned it gratefully. For an instant, she felt much younger again, when the world of her family looked more secure and the cracks weren't visible to her yet.
They sat like that for a while, mother and daughter, holding one another. It was only when Renamon's voice spoke up through the bond she shared with Rika, informing her of Takato's impending arrival, that they were forced to break apart.
"I'll be right there," Rika said in a hushed voice while climbing to her feet.
"Rika," Rumiko began, joining her. Scowling, the girl turned toward her.
"W-What is it?" she stammered out, doing her best to hide her frustrations and fear. Rumiko, however, was not fooled, nor was she hurt by her daughter's angry-sounding tone. Instead, she reached out and brushed at Rika's eyes.
"You're a little…messy. I'll see him settled in. You go clean yourself up."
Rika scrunched her face up in annoyance, knowing precisely what her mother meant.
"It's not like that between us," she grumbled. "I'm not going to doll myself up for him. I'll go see him. So don't get any funny ideas."
Rumiko gave her daughter a nonplussed look, clearly not appreciating her fun being spoiled. Not to be completely deterred however, she took a fistful of Rika's hair and began to pull it up. Placing her remaining hand on her daughter's shoulder, she turned her around.
"Mama! What…?"
"Don't worry. I won't do anything embarrassing. A little makeup would hide how upset you just were, but if you're not going to do that, then you might as well give him something else to think about." Undoing her hair, she took her scrunchy and casually slipped Rika's red strands through it. With neat, practiced movements, she quickly did her daughter's hair up into a tight bun.
With that said, she gave Rika a quick hug and then gently pushed her in the direction of the gate.
"Have fun," she said quietly. Utterly surprised and wishing she were confused instead Rika watched her mother retreat into the house.
"Mama…" she whispered softly in annoyance when Takato and Guilmon stepped into her yard, a closed blue umbrella in hand. Turning her attention on him, Rika cleared her throat.
"Over here!" she called. Seeing her, Takato waved, only to pause upon seeing her new look. Rika swore inwardly.
"Uh, is that a new look?" Takato asked, once he joined her.
"Well, it's not the same as my last one," Rika said sarcastically as she planted her hands on her hips. Takato arched an eyebrow at that and she flashed him a playful smirk.
"That was a joke, Gogglehead."
"O-Oh."
"It looks really nice," Guilmon said next to him. "Don't you think so, Takato?"
"Ah, y-yeah." Takato rubbed at his side and drew in a tight breath. He gave Rika a forced smile. "I'm allowed to say that, right?"
Rika found herself relaxing a little.
"Always," she said. Takato let out a slow, uncomfortable breath. Sensing something amiss, Rika cocked her head to one side. Now that she got a good look at him, she saw that he looked a little pale.
"Um, you don't look so good. Are you all right?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just…" He gestured to the sky where grey clouds loomed over them. The rain from earlier that morning had stopped, but the chill in the air remained. "I haven't been great in this kind of weather for a while."
"Since the D-Reaper," Guilmon clarified, and Rika saw the dinosaur shiver in memory.
"I'm fine though!" Takato insisted. "I just need a bit of a warmup first, that's all."
Rika folded her arms together, considering Takato's condition – some old battle-related injury, she surmised. She didn't doubt that he would power through his discomfort, but she didn't want to add to it with her Blue Card difficulties.
"Maybe you should relax and do something different for a change," she suggested.
"Huh? No, I'm fine! You don't have to change our plans."
"I'm not." Blushing, Rika adjusted her arms. "Call it a different kind of training. One where we learn to rely on each other for more than just fighting digimon."
Takato blinked, plainly confused. Guilmon, on the other hand, wasn't.
"Ah? You mean like how Takato and I play when we're not being a Tamer and his digimon partner? Like how I bring soup up to him when he's not feeling well or he makes me fresh bread when I'm feeling sad?"
Rika nodded to him gratefully. "Got it in one, Dinoboy. What do you say, Gogglehead?"
Takato frowned uncertainly. Well, she supposed she couldn't blame him. It almost sounded like she was suggesting a date.
It…really does sound like that, doesn't it? She blushed in realization. Well, can't back out now.
"Okay," Takato began hesitantly. "What-What do you suggest we do instead?"
Rika shifted uncomfortably. Yes, what she was about to suggest really did sound like a date.
"My dad got tickets from one of his friends for a motorcross event and we were supposed to go together. But he had something come up at work and…" She shrugged. "Since you're here and you need some time to warm up, and since I'd rather that they didn't go to waste, we can kill two birds with one stone. Are you up for it?"
Rika felt amazed at how natural she sounded saying all that in spite of the hammering in her heart. She could already hear Kayoko laughing at her.
If I can help it, I won't tell her about this one.
Silence hung heavily over her yard just then. She saw a shadow pass over Takato's face and immediately she knew she had said the wrong thing.
"Sorry," she said, trying quickly to salvage the situation. "If you'd rather do something else instead…"
Takato shook his head and took a step back.
"I can't," he said. Guilmon's ears rose up in surprise.
"Takato? What's wrong? Oh. Is this about this morning?"
"Is what about this morning?" Rika felt a surge of panic rising in her chest. Unmindful of the mud, she hopped down into the yard. "Takato? What's he talking about?" Looking into his eyes, she saw a sudden and unexpected fear buried within. "Takato?"
Takato looked away in shame.
"I don't-I don't understand," he started to say, his voice straining. "Why are you always…" He pressed his lips together tightly. Rika wanted to kick herself.
I'm so stupid. Of course, he's going to think I'm asking him out.
There was something more to it though. She could see it. It didn't take much for her to imagine that he was seeing Jeri in her approaches. She had mimicked the girl to get him to calm down during the Chuo Park battle. She could guess how special she had been to him and what her dying – along with the deaths of his other friends – meant to him.
"It's not like that, Gogglehead," she insisted. "I told you before, Takato, I want to be your friend. I want to help."
"I don't want you to die!" Takato exploded. Rika flinched, hearing the panicked desperation in his voice. His eyes went wide and his breathing began to come out more quickly.
"You shouldn't… You can't… Don't feel that way about me."
"Takato, calm down," said Guilmon, sounding frightened. That by itself worried her. Hearing his partner's growing concern, Takato closed his eyes and began to slow his breathing. The aura of agitation and dread surrounding him died back a little. Not much, but enough that she saw he was mastering his emotions to keep from being overwhelmed by them.
"You shouldn't feel that way about me," he said once he settled down. He looked regretful to her. She was confused at first, but it didn't take long for her to realize what he meant. She had been giving him more than enough signals already, however unintentionally.
"It's too late to tell me that," she said softly. "Not like it'd help anyway."
Takato's shoulders sagged. He looked crushed. She had an inkling of just how much Jeri meant to him and how badly her death had hurt him.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to make you upset."
"Why? Why do you feel that way about me?"
Rika bit her tongue. Because we were together in that other universe, she wanted to say, but that wasn't quite it anymore. She could certainly say that a part of it was out of a desire to make right what went wrong and even on a selfish level to be as good as her counterpart if not better, even when it came to love.
But therein lay the problem, and one that others – Renamon, Toshiko, and even Kayoko – had been telling her these last few weeks. Whatever their reasons were for loving one another, the context of their counterparts was too different from herself and her Takato. Oh, it certainly drove her to scrutinize her Takato more carefully than the others, to see why she mightfall for him. If it happened in that universe, why not others? Why not in hers? Why not at all?
In the weeks since meeting him, as she came to know him, Rika was slowly finding her answer. It glowed dimly enough for her to be aware of it, and of the kindling that sat above it, waiting to catch. The ember might go out here and now, or even later, but it was there. She did like him. She worried about him. Cared about him. She found she cared more than she should.
Closing her eyes, she remembered taking hold of his hand in Chuo Park; talking him down from self-destructing. She had been so afraid of losing him then. Of never seeing him smile again. That warm, dopy smile that always seemed to welcome everyone around him no matter how hard the world tried to grind him down. It was a smile that, for all the sadness in him now, found things to care about and wanted to keep them safe, no matter what it cost him personally.
Even if it meant being alone.
And she found she didn't want him to be alone.
"I didn't mean to," she said carefully. "It just sort of happened. I'm not head over heels, but I do care about what happens to you. And I'd like to get to know you better. Even make you happy." She looked at Takato with kind, sympathetic eyes. "I don't like seeing you sad, Takato."
She was surprised at how easily the words left her lips and how honest they felt to her. A few weeks ago – an entire lifetime to her now – she had no connection to him. Their worlds were completely different and she had no expectation that they would ever cross. Now, here they stood, and it felt like an entire world hung by a thread.
"I-I need time to think," Takato said after a long minute of silence. Rika nodded. She expected no less.
"I'll be fine even if you don't feel the same way," she assured him. Her heart clenched, but she meant it. "Take all the time you need."
"S-Sorry about the tickets. I…" His face fell as he fumbled for the right words to say.
Rika's heart cracked a little at that, but she gave him a smile. She found she couldn't help herself. Of all things… How can he still worry about me after all this?
Of course, she already knew the answer. Drawing close to him, she gave him a pat on the shoulder.
"Don't worry about it, Gogglehead," she said. "Go on. I'll figure something out. You go and do your thinking. And no matter what, I'll still have your back."
"Right," Takato said throatily. "Me… Me too. I… Your back. That… I…"
His fumbling grew worse and she could see it frustrating him. He wasn't trying to baby her. He genuinely wanted to soothe the sting of his rejection. In spite of herself, she found herself liking him for it. She could see that even now he was looking out for her.
Yet, in some ways, this made her even sadder. He wanted so badly to look out for others that he isolated himself.
"Sorry," he said finally. It seemed like the only word he could manage without stammering. Watching him, she could see the honesty of his feelings in his face. She chalked it up as another reason why her counterpart liked Takato, and what she herself found liking about her version as well.
Rika forced a chuckle. "Momentai. I'll catch you later."
His mouth closed with a sharp click. With great hesitation, he turned and left her yard. Guilmon followed him, but he gave Rika an apologetic look that promised explanations later. Rika kept smiling until they were gone, after which it vanished like a switch being turned off.
"I am such an idiot," she cursed herself quietly.
Numbly, Rika returned to her room, taking only a second to make sure to change out of her socks so she wouldn't track in any mud before she circled around to the front. Her mother found her putting on her shoes.
"Is everything all right?" Rumiko asked while Rika tied up her laces.
"Sure," she chirped, doing her best to sound upbeat. "Everything's fine. I just need to get out of the house for a bit."
"Did you two have an argument?" her mother pressed. "I thought I heard him yell something."
Rika shook her head. "It was just a misunderstanding." Turning, she put on a practiced smile. "He's not feeling very well. An old injury from the D-Reaper days acted up. I figured I'd put training on hold until he felt better."
Putting on the finishing touches, Rika stood up. Taking her coat out from the side closet to her right, she slipped it on.
"Rika…"
Something in her mother's voice kept her from leaving. She knew her half-truth didn't fool her mother one bit.
"I came on a little too strong," she admitted. She could hear the hurt in her voice. Not for herself, but for Takato. "I stupidly put a lot of expectations on him without thinking when he…" Here, her lips trembled, causing her voice to catch in her throat. With an effort, she forced herself to continue. "…he lost someone he cared about."
"Oh, Rika."
Rika clenched her fists, feeling her mother's gaze on her back.
"I'm going for a walk. I need to clear my head. I'm not going to take long."
"I-I'll have something ready for when you get back."
Her eyes shining with unshed tears, Rika looked over her shoulder.
"It's okay. I… I just need to clear my head. I…" She saw her mother's determined, sympathetic look. She offered a wan smile of silent thanks.
"I'll be back," she said. Sliding open the door, Rika stepped outside and into the damp day.
The outdoors felt unusually quiet as she made her way down the path of her home. The rain had ceased, but no birds chirped. Even the sound of other children was absent. The only thing she could remotely hear was Renamon subtly slicing her way through the air as she followed her out of the house. She took comfort in that.
I bet Other-Me really appreciates her presence, she thought, exiting the gate of her home. She'd better. If not, the next time I see her I really will belt her one.
Unnoticed behind her, standing atop the roof of her home, a pale, white-clad figure, shrouded by a fine mist, came into view. Its red eyes tracked her course before fading away into nothing more than a cloud of icy particles.
###
Suzie fumed as she returned home. Lopmon hopped off her head and landed on the step. Turning, Suzie sat down and proceeded to undo the laces of her shoes. Jaarin appeared behind her, her eyes wide and frightened.
"S-Suzie?" she stammered out.
"I can't believe it," Suzie growled angrily, as if her sister's voice had been the signal for her to start venting. "That stupid therapist. Who does she think she is? I can't believe that stupid new Director thought this was a good idea."
"Suzie…" Jaarin repeated, but Suzie only continued to rant furiously.
"Of course, I'm going to be moody! My brother died in front of me! Did she think I was going to be having tea or something?!" She hurled one of her sneakers against the wall. It thudded in a way that felt very satisfying to her. "I should have thrown that box of tissues at her!"
"Suzie…"
"And dreams? Of course, I dreamed about Henry after he died! It was horrible watching him die! What is she, stupid? And yeah, I'm going to feel guilty because…"
"Suzie!"
Lopmon's voice cut through the noise and drew the girl up short, preventing her from launching her other shoe at the wall. Backtracking, she remembered the alarm and urgency she only half-heard in Jaarin's voice. Getting up, she turned around, still clutching her shoe in case it needed to be thrown at someone who deserved it. Jaarin looked upset and frightened. She wondered if it was her boyfriend who was responsible.
"What's wrong?" she asked. Jaarin's mouth worked, trying to find the words, only to completely fail. Instead, she indicated the kitchen with a toss of her head. Still hanging onto the shoe, Suzie followed her.
There, seated at the table, was a figure with white hair tipped with green, wearing her brother's face. Suzie's heart plunged into her stomach in recognition.
"Jian."
The boy looked up at her and smiled.
"Hey, Suzie," he greeted in a voice that sounded like an unsettling mix between Henry and Terriermon.
14