AN: So, uploading a day early because I'm going out for dinner with a boy straight after work tomorrow (eep) so I won't have a chance to do it tomorrow. Thank you as always to my wonderful beta, Kira Tamarion!

Hey Diary

I'm starting to regret staying that extra day at Redcliffe. Two nights sleeping in a comfortable bed has made it so much harder to go back to slumming it. I hate my tent. I hate my bedroll. I hate building campfires. I hate bathing in rivers, or not bathing at all. I hate bugs. I hate grass. I hate peeing in bushes and wiping my arse with leaves. I hate my armour, it's too bulky and restrictive and awkward, and the material underneath it itches around my neck. I hate riding. My butt keeps alternating between being numb from sitting too long to being sore when I dismount. I hate...

I'm back. So I just went and had some dinner with the rest of the group and now that I've eaten, I just read back over that first part and there's a chance I was just hungry. Some of it still stands but I'm not generally whining about it. There are bigger things to worry about. Like pinch me, I'm an actual Grey Warden? I think it's only really just hitting me. I mean, yeah, I was aware, went through a whole Joining and almost died, it was some laugh. But if I'm keeping it 100, I don't think I've taken a beat to actually process the whole thing. It's been easy to do this week, with all of the riding. When you're riding with the same people for hours on end, there are long stretches of silence. Lots of time with your own thoughts.

It's funny, if you had gone back six months or so when I started playing the game and said, "hey, here's a free ticket to Ferelden, you get to go and live the game!" I'd have probably been like "awesome, give me a sword, let's go." But it's like when you're sitting at home watching game shows and you're answering all of the questions correctly and the contestant is making a rip-roaring arse of it and you're like "ugh, I wish that was ME up there, I would answer the fuck out of those questions", but actually if it was you and you were standing there looking at all those cameras and lights and the people in the audience and the celebrity host asked you to name the capital of Belgium you'd be like "Hello, who am I, yes I believe it's the letter B?" And they'd be like "no, it's Brussels" and some dick would be sitting on their sofa at home like "IT'S BRUSSELS, IDIOT! IF I WAS THERE-"

You get it, you get what I'm saying, I don't have to keep going with that analogy. But it's like that. What I'm saying is there's a difference between playing at home and sitting in the hot seat. And being a Grey Warden during a Blight is exactly like being in the hot seat, except the seat is so hot that it's actually on fire and you're on fire and everyone you love is on fire and

Okay, I'm calm. I think I just had a minor panic attack. But it's good. It's good to talk about your feelings. Or, in this case, to not talk to anyone about your feelings and just write them down instead. And speaking of feelings, I have a lot of them. And some of them are for Alistair.

I know the last time I wrote, he was avoiding me and being all weird and awkward. Looking back, it seems pretty obvious what was going on, but hindsight's 20/20. Anyway, now he's not being weird and awkward. He's being lovely and charming and kind and sweet and lovely and I know I said lovely twice but that's how lovely he's being. We kissed three times at Redcliffe, and although we've not exactly been alone enough to have that opportunity again since, just spending time with him, being in his company, is just super nice. It's all very new and exciting and I'm not an idiot, I know that we're in the middle of a war and passions are high but...I think I might actually, genuinely have feelings for him. I like him. He's awesome. And he likes me. And ever since Redcliffe, he just seems so much more relaxed and happy, even with everyone else. He and Grayson are getting on like a house on fire, he's engaging in actual conversation with Zevran, he's being super sweet to Wynne and Leliana and even Morrigan doesn't seem to bother him too much anymore.

Morrigan's been pretty distant, even more so than usual. We barely see her, even at night. She just stays in her tent, only coming out to accept meals and then hiding away again. Grayson's trying to act like this doesn't bother him, but I know that it does.

"Lauren!" Leliana's call interrupted me from my musings and I slammed my diary shut, tucking it deep into my pack as she jogged over to my tent. "There you are. Are you ready?"

I nodded, suddenly remembering that she had promised earlier to teach me how to shoot a bow and arrow, and crawled out of my tent, hoisting myself wearily to my feet. Riding all day for almost a week really takes a toll on the muscles, though thanks to my increased Grey Warden endurance, I wasn't suffering nearly as much as I should have been. She handed me a bow, smiling brilliantly at me, her excitement evident.

"This is going to be so much fun. We should probably move away from the camp, just to avoid any little mishaps." She said, brightly, as if "little mishaps" with a bow and arrow didn't mean "killing one of our friends".

Wynne, Alistair and Grayson were sitting around the campfire, talking and laughing, and as we passed I felt a warm, tingling sensation spread through my aching limbs and the pain immediately eased.

"Thanks, Wynne." I grinned down at her, and she chuckled, waving a hand dismissively.

"The next time, you need only ask. Do not suffer in silence, Warden." She said, kindly.

"I'll try to remember that." I promised, and Grayson, who was sitting with his back to us, craned his neck round to look at me.

"Where are you two going?" He asked, suspiciously.

"Training." I replied. "Leliana's going to make a marksman out of me. Maybe."

"Ah, yes, the archery lesson. This should be good." He grinned, making to stand up, but Leliana placed a firm hand on his shoulder, keeping him in his seat.

"Oh no, you don't. Lauren has to focus. I won't have you distracting her." She said, with the air of a school teacher. He didn't protest, but threw her a mischievous grin.

"Like I would do such a thing." He said, innocently. She gave him a knowing look as we left, before turning to me, laughing quietly to herself.

"Oh, that man." She said, with faux exasperation which barely masked the affection in her voice. I glanced over to see her suppressing a smile, and was struck by a sudden realisation.

"You like him." I said, surprised. She scoffed and started to protest, stuttering, which confirmed my theory even more than if she had outright admitted it. "You do, you like Grayson. Oh, Leliana…" I bit my lip, suddenly concerned for her. I knew that Grayson was into Morrigan, and I suspected that the feeling was probably mutual, despite her recent odd behaviour. If Leliana was developing feelings for him too...that couldn't end well. Still, it was hardly my place to say so. I quickly rearranged my face before she could notice my forlorn expression. "So...when did that start?"

"I...I admire him. Just as I admire you and Alistair. There is something of a mystique to you Grey Wardens." She said, quickly, and I decided not to push the subject.

"A mystique?" I repeated, with a grin. "That's a new one. I've been called le freak, c'est chic, but never a mystique."

"That...doesn't really make sense. Perhaps later we could work on your Orlesian." She said, helpfully. I opened my mouth to tell her it was a song reference, before quickly closing it again, deciding just to let it pass.

"Oui, s'il vous plaît." I replied, in my best French accent. "Zevran's been correcting my Ita...ntivan, as well. I'm going to be practically multi-lingual by the time this Blight's over. Whoever said fighting Darkspawn would interfere with one's education?"

When we were a suitable distance from camp, Leliana picked out a tree with a wide trunk, and positioned me so that I was standing only about ten feet away from it.

"This will do as a target, for now. Don't worry if you don't manage to hit it tonight, it takes a lot of practice. But the more we practice, the further from the target we can move." She explained, correcting the placement of my feet as she spoke. She demonstrated first, firing an arrow which struck the trunk dead centre, before standing back, giving me instructions on stance and posture While she was talking, I felt my battle brain kick in again, and I narrowed my eyes as I focused on the tail of the arrow she had fired. Instinctively, I nocked an arrow and drew back my elbow.

"You have good form. Very good form." She said, with a blink of surprise. "Now…"

Whatever she was going to say next was interrupted by the whistling of my arrow in flight, followed by a clean thunk as it found it's target, barely a hair's-breadth from her own. I slowly lowered my bow, looking over to see her staring at me with a puzzled look on her face.

"You tricked me." She said. "You have trained in archery." She strode towards the tree, inspecting the arrows embedded there. "Extensively, it seems." She looked back at me, shaking her head with a mixture of annoyance and confusion. "Why lie about that? Was this just another one of your jokes?"

I opened my mouth to protest, but thought better of it. Rather she think I was being a bit of a dick and lying about this than have her wonder at the larger lie.

"Sorry." I said, forcing my face into what I hoped was an easy grin. "I just wanted to see the look on your face. Totally worth it."

"Oh, honestly!" She said, walking back over to me, irritation clear on her face. "Sometimes I think we are all doomed, as the only three people in Ferelden who can end the Blight can't be serious for even one moment!"

"I'm sorry! Really, Leliana. I didn't mean to upset you, I thought you'd find it funny."

"I don't appreciate being the butt of your jokes. I drew up a chart earlier to map your progress. I was trying to help you."

I felt terrible. Not only because she had gone to all that effort and I had obviously hurt her feelings, but as silly as it might sound, I had been excited to learn a new skill, one that was all my own, that I could work on and progress in. I appreciated that the battle brain had kept me alive so far, and I couldn't deny the thrill of it when I was diving and weaving through groups of Darkspawn, cutting them down with ease, but I hadn't even considered that this gift I had been given by...whoever...would include archery. I couldn't help but feel disappointed.

"Look...I really am sorry. That was a shitty thing to do. I just wasn't thinking." I said, miserably. "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

She still looked annoyed, but a thoughtful expression crept onto her face.

"Leliana?"

"I'm thinking." She said, shortly. After a few moments, she flashed me a wicked smile.

"Oh no." I muttered to myself.

"If you really want to make it up to me, you can finally tell me what's really going on with you and Alistair."

I froze, taken aback by her request. I supposed it shouldn't have come as a surprise, she'd been trying to pry it out of me since Redcliffe. I started to lie that there was nothing, but faltered and trailed off under her scrupulous gaze.

"Okay, fine." I said, reluctantly, my voice dropping to a whisper. "I'll tell you. But you have to keep it between us, for now. I don't want everyone in camp knowing."

"I can keep a secret." She promised, and I knew just how true that statement was. I just didn't know if bards were necessarily in the habit of keeping other people's secrets, but I resolved to trust her with this one. I had already said too much to back out now, at any rate.

She moved closer to me, raising her eyebrows expectantly.

"Okay, so...the first day we were at Redcliffe, he asked to speak with me privately."

"In the library, yes." She nodded, and I shot her a look. "The door was too thick to hear what you were talking about." She said, dismissively, and I frowned but let it go.

"Yes...well, anyway, he told me he was...interested, and we kissed - just a quick peck on the lips, nothing to get excited about." I said, quickly, when she started to squeal. "But then the next morning-"

A twig snapped behind me and I whipped around to see who was there. We were at the very edge of the campsite, at the treeline, and the noise had definitely come from further in the forest.

"Who's there?" I demanded, gripping my bow tightly and nocking another arrow. No answer came, but a nearby bush rustled and there was another snap. Leliana and I exchanged an ominous look, as she raised her own bow.

"Darkspawn?" She asked, and I shook my head, no.

"They would never get this close without us sensing them." I muttered under my breath.

"Maybe an animal? Show yourself!" She called, fiercely.

"Relax, ladies." Came a familiar drawl. "It is only I."

Zevran stepped into the clearing carrying a bundle of sticks in his arms and I sighed, lowering my bow.

"Why didn't you answer me?" I demanded. "I almost shot you!"

He chuckled in amusement.

"Given that this is your first lesson with our lovely Leliana, I highly doubt that, Warden."

Leliana giggled, and I shot her a mischievous look.

"I don't know, Zevran. Lauren is quite the natural." She said, slyly. The amused smirk never left his face and I narrowed my eyes. On a rash impulse that I still can't fully explain, I guess I was trying to make a point, I raised my bow again, this time aiming at the sky.

"In about eight seconds this arrow will come down on your head, so you better move." I said, brightly, trusting my instincts and loosing my arrow. I automatically started counting the seconds in my head, and looked at him with a smug smile. Instead of diving for cover as I had expected him to, his smirk only grew and he stood his ground. "No, Zevran, seriously. This is not a drill." I said, panicking. "Zevran. Zevran!" I rushed forward, barrelling into him and knocking him onto his back, falling forward and landing in a heap on top of him just as the arrow struck exactly where his head had been a second before.

Unfortunately, his left leg was also where his head had been a second before, and he howled in pain as the arrow pierced his shin. "Oh shit!" I cried, looking up at Leliana's horror-stricken face and back down at Zevran as the colour drained from his, his expression contorted in pain. "Shit, Zevran, I'm sorry. You were supposed to move!"

I scrambled to my feet as Leliana threw her weapon down and ran to us, kneeling by Zevran's leg and producing a knife seemingly out of nowhere, tearing through the fabric of his trousers. I felt sick when I saw that the arrow had gone clean through his leg, the bloody head poking out of his calf, and I yelled for Wynne at the top of my voice. Within seconds, she was by my side, along with Grayson and Alistair who were looking around wildly, swords drawn. Wynne immediately dropped down beside Zevran, uncorking a healing draught and trickling it into his mouth before moving down to the injured leg.

"What happened?" Grayson asked, still looking around for the attacker.

"Erm…" I started, rubbing the back of my neck.

"She shot me!" Zevran cried, indignantly. Wynne threw me a thoroughly disapproving look and I winced.

"Well...only a little." I said, defensively. "I said I was sorry."

"Oh, well thank you, thank you for apologising, it is almost as if I do not have an arrow in my leg." He said, somehow still managing to be sarcastic through the obvious pain.

"Why didn't you move?" I groaned, clapping a hand to my forehead.

"Because I thought I was calling your bluff! Nobody can aim that well without years of-"

"She's had years of training." Leliana interjected, looking as guilty as I felt for her part in the deception. "I'm sorry, Zevran. We didn't mean for-"

"No, Leliana, it's not even a little bit your fault." I interrupted. "Zev, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so reckless, I just figured you would move and then be all like "woah, what?" and then I'd be all like "surprise" and it would have just been funny, but…" I gestured at his leg, pointedly.

"I am so lost." Alistair said, running a hand through his hair.

"I played a prank on Leliana, and it bombed, and then I was trying to wipe the smirk off of Zevran's face but he thought I was bluffing and now he has an arrow in his leg. Basically, I'm just...really off my game today." I said, in way of an explanation. My face was burning with shame and I felt hot tears prick my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away, trying to save what little face I could. He seemed to notice and stepped towards me, placing a hand on my arm.

"Hey, it's okay." He said, kindly, as if shooting your friend was really no big deal. "It was an accident. Accidents happen."

"Of course you would say that." Zevran muttered, grimacing and wincing as Wynne snapped the arrow in two, and muffling a cry of pain as she pulled the broken half free of his flesh.

"You know Lauren didn't mean to actually hurt you, Zevran." Alistair said, gently.

"Would you be so quick to jump to her defense were she not your lover?" Zevran replied, coolly. Wynne hesitated, her hand hovering over his wound, and she looked from his face to Alistair's to mine. I blushed, looking over at Grayson, who was watching our reactions with an unreadable expression. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence Alistair laughed, unconvincingly.

"What? Lover? I...that's r-ridiculous, we-"

"I heard you talking with Leliana. My ears do more than just frame my handsome face." He said, colour slowly returning to his complexion as Wynne's magic started to knit his torn flesh back together.

"Oh, you little…" I started towards him but Alistair stilled me, with a hand on my shoulder. "You know what? I take back all of my apologies. I'm glad I shot you."

"So, it's true?" Grayson asked, cocking an eyebrow. "You two are…"

"We're...Alistair?" I deflected, looking up at him. He was standing awkwardly with his hands on his hips, before appearing to decide that there was no way of getting the cat back in the bag. He straightened up, throwing an arm around my shoulders, and clearing his throat.

"Yes. Lauren and I are...involved." He said, loudly, overcompensating for his obvious discomfort with volume.

"It's new." I added, quickly. "That's why we haven't told anyone yet. But I guess now you all know."

During our exchange, Wynne's magic had fully healed Zevran's leg and he sprang to his feet, good as new, looking a little sheepish.

"Ah...I apologise for my outburst. An arrow in the leg really does not bring out one's best tendencies." He said, with a guilty laugh. I studied his face for a moment, before rolling my eyes, stepping forward and clasping his forearm in a conciliatory gesture.

"Don't worry about it. And I really am sorry for shooting you." I said, with a half-smile. He made a dismissive noise.

"No harm done. I've suffered worse wounds from women far less charming than yourself."

"So, we're good?" I grinned, and he nodded.

"I tried to kill you, you tried to kill me, we both failed. I would say that makes us even." He said, with a good-natured smirk. "And you know, with an aim as deadly as yours, you would make a wonderful assassin."

"I will never understand you young people." Wynne sighed, shaking her head at our interaction.

"If you wish to learn more, I would be more than happy to have you study me, dear Wynne." Zevran remarked, and I was convinced that he really was back to his old self.

I grinned and looked round, catching Grayson's eye and wincing. He looked mad. I wondered how many more of my companions I could piss off today. Maybe I could steal Sten's sword or pull Morrigan's hair if I wanted to go for the full set. I knew he was just annoyed that I'd kept it from him because we had confided in each other about our respective love-interests from the beginning, and I felt a pang of guilt. Now that it was all out in the open and not one person showed any real surprise, it seemed like such a trivial thing to keep secret.

I looked up at Alistair to see him also watching our fellow Warden with an apprehensive expression on his face.

"Grayson…" I started, and he cut me off with a look.

"It's fine. I get it." He said, huffing a sigh, before walking over to me and ruffling my hair. "And now I get to make fun of you. Make little kissy faces behind your back. Wind Alistair up. That sort of thing. And besides, I knew something had happened. Neither of you have exactly mastered the art of subtlety."

"You are referring, of course, to the regular wistful looks of longing they cast at one another when they think no one is watching?" Zevran offered, helpfully. I snapped my bow string at him, in a silent threat, and he chuckled.

"It's very sweet." Wynne said, in a somewhat reluctant tone. "A little too sweet for my tastes, and I'm an old lady."

"Alright." Alistair said, with a strained smile. "If we could all just get back to doing...what we were doing before, that would be great."

Our companions made their way back to the campsite, laughing and talking amongst themselves, but Alistair and I hung back. When the rest of the group were out of earshot, he looked down at me, the blush in his cheeks finally beginning to fade.

"So...you know that this is all they're going to be talking about now, don't you?" He said, with a tiny smirk.

"I guess. Maybe for a while, but I think they'll get used to it. I mean...we're not exactly used to it yet, it would have been nice to keep things just between us for a little while longer but...in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter all that much?" I asked, with a shrug. He seemed to consider this for a moment, before mirroring my shrug.

"No, I don't suppose it does." He agreed, his handsome face breaking out in a brilliant smile. "And besides. It means that now I get to do this…" He tilted my chin up towards him and leaned down, kissing me deeply. Before the kiss could grow heated, he straightened back up, smiling down at me. "...whenever I feel like it."

"Well, that's definitely a benefit." I grinned, as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. "So you're not mad? It is kind of exclusively my fault that everyone knows now."

"No, of course I'm not mad. I'm actually sort of relieved. I've never been any good at secrets." He said. I closed my eyes, burying my face into his chest, enjoying the closeness after almost a week of longing for it. "And I guess we shouldn't be too surprised. It wasn't going to be long before everyone found out, one way or another. Secrets always have a way of coming out."

"Yeah." I whispered, thinking of another secret that I was keeping from him, from all of them. "They do."

AN: Thank you for all of your reviews, favourites and subs so far, it really does give me the motivation to keep going with this little story. It's been a long and difficult week, we had to say goodbye to my little dog last night after fifteen years of always having him by my side and writing has really been an escape so thank you guys for your support and encouragement, I can't tell you how appreciated it is.

He was a very good boy, 15/10, the heartbreak is a small price to pay for all of those years of unconditional love and wagging tails and fluffy cuddles.

Now, onto happier things...

shermangd: That's lovely to know, I do try to hear every line in the character's voice when I'm writing to stay as true to the character as I can while branching out and developing them a little more, so I'm glad it seems to be working for you!

Giggle813: Finding five bucks in your pockets is the BEST feeling, isn't it? And thank you, I try to make their interactions as human and realistic as I can. I never want to go toooooo sappy, which can be difficult because Alistair's quite a sappy guy, so if I start to step out of line with the sap quantity I'm counting on you to rein me in!

gallws: They are weird and sarcastic, that's for sure. It's difficult not to write characters as weird and sarcastic when it's your entire personality, so I'm glad you're enjoying it cause I don't know how to do anything else haha. And Cullen has his part to play yet. I won't say too much but he's not going anywhere any time soon...

And finally, thank you guys for the birthday wishes! You're too kind.