Now that the secret was out, Alistair and I were free to spend more time together in the evenings, and we were frequently left alone. We spent a lot of time just talking: about our childhoods, old friends, the Grey Wardens. I often probed him to tell me as much as he could about the time he spent in the Order before we met, and though it was difficult for each of us to talk about Duncan or Emily at first, soon we were laughing and smiling, taking heart from the memories of our loved ones. The only subject he actively avoided talking about was the future, for which I was more than grateful. We hardly ever stopped talking but, whenever we did, we were kissing. Though we never pushed it as far as we had that night in Redcliffe, each kiss offered something a little different. Some were passionate and desperate, others were soft and sweet, but he always stopped before things got too heated and his respectful restraint only made me like him more.

As happy and safe and normal as I had started to feel whenever we were together, the threat of what we were up against was always there. It hung over every conversation, every meal, every embrace. It was there in his eyes when he looked at me, it was there in everything we said and didn't say. The problem was that now that I had allowed myself to start really feeling something, I had no choice but to feel everything. The horror of the Blight made me appreciate the moments of bliss that I shared with him all the more; but that works both ways. Every time he made me laugh, every time he made my heart skip a beat, cold fear spread through my core in response. The problem with having something worth fighting for was that it meant I now had something that I was terrified of losing. If he felt the same fear that I did, he never showed it to me, and so I kept mine to myself.

The last leg of the journey passed without incident, with the exception of a few Darkspawn attacks and, as predicted, a shower of comments from our companions - chiefly Grayson and Zevran - about Alistair and I. As irritating as it started to get after the first few days, it was pretty light-hearted and all in good fun, and it actually served to normalise our relationship, though I very much doubted that was their intention. Alistair took the remarks surprisingly well, responding to the men's ribbing with jibes of his own, and smiling easily throughout.

Leliana seemed disappointed that I wasn't being very forthcoming with answers to "so...you and Alistair?". I had never been one for gossip, and it had always been a source of irritation amongst the few friends I had at St. Margaret's. I thought to myself that perhaps she would be less disappointed in my reluctance to share secrets if she knew all of the dirt I had on her.

Wynne remained uncharacteristically silent on the matter. The few times I caught her looking over at us I thought I saw something like concern on her face but if something was bothering her, she was keeping it to herself. Morrigan, on the other hand, had a different approach.

She was still spending most of her evenings alone but whenever she did emerge, she never missed an opportunity to roll her eyes in our general direction or pass comment on how nauseating she found this new turn of events. We largely ignored her remarks and, if anything, her disdain for our relationship only seemed to encourage Alistair more. I couldn't help but notice that he was exceptionally affectionate towards me whenever she was around. I wasn't exactly complaining, but whatever bad blood existed between him and Morrigan had nothing to do with me, and I had built up an almost-friendship with the witch. I warned him that if he kept baiting her, one day she was going to bite. He laughed me off but over the next few days I noticed that he had stopped acting up for Morrigan's benefit, and I was grateful that he seemed to have listened.

The night before we reached Denerim, she joined us for dinner. I guessed it must have been at Grayson's request, as he wanted to brief each of our companions on what our individual tasks were to be when we entered the city, something he had discussed with Alistair and I over the course of the journey.

Before we ate, we laid out a roughly drawn map of Denerim on a large, flat rock by the fire. All three of us had contributed, although Grayson's knowledge of the city was a little better than mine or Alistair's, and in the end I thought we had done quite a good job of it. Alistair had hastily scored out the crude stick figures that Grayson and I had drawn in to represent The Pearl, and I couldn't help but grin at the way his ears had blushed. The boy was so sensitive he couldn't even cope with depictions of stick figure sex.

Our companions gathered around the map as Grayson went over the plan. He had divided our coin into three separate cloth purses and handed one to Leliana, whose job would be to secure at least three nights accommodations for us all and livery for the horses. Zevran volunteered to accompany her and I sensed that, between them, they could haggle a better deal for our group than anyone else in Ferelden.

He handed another of the purses to Wynne for the procurement of food, healing draughts and amulets. Apparently Denerim market was famous for having some of the best inexpensive amulets of protection, strength and magic enhancement, but there were a lot of dupes. Only a mage would be able to tell the difference on sight, and so she and Morrigan were to sort through the fakes and acquire amulets for all of us.

The third and largest pouch, he kept on his person. We were all in dire need of new armour, he said, even with the donations we had received from Owen in Redcliffe, and despite the urgency of the mission at hand he decided that taking a day or two to be measured and fitted with decent armour was a worthwhile delay.

He made no mention of our intended detour to Goldanna's home, but told the group that he, Alistair, Sten and I would begin asking around for Brother Genitivi on the first day, and stressed that above all else, we were all to keep a low profile.

"We're wanted men, after all." He reminded us for the umpteenth time. I thought that maybe the status of "outlaw" bothered this nobleman's son more than he would care to admit.

"Keep a low profile with a Qunari." Zevran said, echoing the concerns he first raised in Redcliffe.

"Denerim is a big city. And since Sten doesn't have horns like most Qunari, I figure if he keeps a helmet on while out in public, he'll pass as a large man. A very large man, but I doubt anyone will be looking too closely."

I glanced at Sten, wondering if he was annoyed at being discussed instead of addressed, but he didn't appear to be paying attention, instead watching the hounds as they play-fought with each other. I followed his gaze and saw Larry snarl and snap a little too viciously for my liking at Khan's foreleg and I blew a short, sharp whistle. He looked up at me immediately and I raised my eyebrows in warning, giving him the look that all parents give their children when they misbehave in public. He lowered his head submissively with an apologetic whine, before slowly padding towards Khan and licking his ear, all the while maintaining eye contact with me as if to say, "Look, mum, I'm being good." I chuckled, affectionately, and turned back in time to see Grayson rolling up the map. With the briefing now over, we settled down around the campfire to eat.

Halfway through dinner, I felt Alistair stiffen next to me, and I looked around to see Morrigan studying him intently. Her gaze flickered to me, and back to Alistair, and she cocked her head to one side, inquisitively.

"I do wonder, is it permissible for two Grey Wardens to...oh, what is the word I search for?" She asked. The conversation around us ground to a silent halt, and Grayson cleared his throat, hiding a smile of amusement with a cough.

"Bone down?" I offered, at the same time as Alistair suggested, "Caboodle?"

There was an awkward silence as everyone stared at me, and I froze.

"Caboodle?" I repeated, quickly. "That's what...I said that too. Hmm?"

"Fraternise." Morrigan decided, trailing her eyes from my face to Alistair's. Clearly, whatever point she wanted to make, she was intent on making it at his expense.

"What's wrong with fraternising?" He asked, in a mischievous tone that sent a pleasant shiver down my spine, despite the warmth from the fire.

"It seems most undisciplined for an organisation that claims to do whatever is necessary to end the darkspawn threat."

"One thing has nothing to do with the other." He insisted, defensively.

"Oh no? And what if a Grey Warden was forced to choose between the Warden he loved and ending the Blight? What should his choice be?"

"That is...a-a r-ridiculous question." He stuttered, flustered.

"And I have my answer. Most kind of you."

He opened his mouth to argue but seemed to be lost for words.

"Does anyone want to know what I think?" I asked, mildly annoyed that my personal life was being discussed so casually. Alistair grinned in amusement, and I felt a wave of affection towards him. It was clear from the look on his face that, even though he didn't know what I was about to say, he was certain that it was going to be something terribly clever.

Well, I guess now I have to think of something clever, I thought. I was just going to tell her to mind her business.

"Well, Alistair seems to think my question to be a ridiculous one, not worthy of an answer. Am I to take it that you do not share this opinion?" Morrigan asked, looking thoroughly entertained.

"I don't think it's ridiculous. Calculated. A little insincere. Kind of cynical. Assumes a lot. Specifically designed to put him on the spot. But ridiculous? No." I replied, perfectly imitating her haughty tone.

"Well, then, I would be most interested to hear your thoughts on the matter." She said, her eyes glinting challengingly in the firelight.

"As would I." Wynne said, reluctantly. Alistair whipped his head round to look at her in surprise. The two of them had grown close in the last few weeks, and he had a lot of respect for the elderly mage. Wynne's contribution, coupled with the look of confusion and betrayal in Alistair's eyes changed the tone of the conversation from mocking to serious, and I felt a flash of defensive rage surge through me. Wynne seemed to notice, and she smiled sympathetically. "As impetuously as Morrigan posed the question, I do feel it is a valid one. I worry that the two of you have not thought this through as well as you might have."

"Et tu, Wynne?" I snapped, glowering at her. She had the decency to look a little sheepish, although she didn't retract her statement. "Anybody else have anything they'd like to share today?"

"I think it's lovely." Leliana said, loyally, and I rewarded her with the briefest of smiles before turning back to the mages.

"It is lovely." I declared. "But if you think we entered into this in a whirlwind of rose petals and dancing kittens, you haven't been paying close enough attention. Everything about this relationship that could have been over-thought, has been over-thought, by both of us. So forgive me, Wynne, but I find your concern pretty patronising. And Morrigan, I don't even think you believe you have a valid point but just while we're all here, let me address it. Grayson, you're a Grey Warden."

Grayson jumped, looking a little uncomfortable that I had chosen to involve him.

"Last time I checked." He replied.

"Is there anything, anything at all, in this world or the next, that would stop you from doing everything you could to end the Blight?"

"Nothing." He said, without a moment's hesitation.

"Alistair?" I turned to him. "If I had to die to end the Blight, would you save me and allow the rest of the world to fall to rack and ruin?"

"I...that...is to say, that I...care for you, a great deal...but…" He started, nervously, clearly worried that he would offend me with the truth. "We're Grey Wardens. We're the Grey Wardens, in truth, the only three in Ferelden, the only ones who can do this. I would do anything I could to protect you. Or Grayson, for that matter!" He said, his confidence growing with each word. "Of course I would! But if all three of us had to die to end the Blight? I'd walk right into the void with you."

"And I with you." I said, smiling. I fought the urge to take his hand, deciding that a public display of affection during a serious group discussion wasn't really going to strengthen the point I was trying to make.

"And I'd miss you both, terribly." Grayson said, with faux sincerity, before grinning. "I'd be right there by your side. Somebody's got to keep you two out of trouble, after all."

"So...does that answer your question, Morrigan? Wynne?" I asked, cocking my head towards them. "Thoughts? Comments?"

"Suddenly I am not feeling quite so hungry." Morrigan replied, wrinkling her nose in disgust and setting her tray of food on the ground, only for it to be snatched up by a very pleased-looking Khan. Larry whined in outrage and I tossed him a hunk of meat from my own plate which he swallowed down greedily in a single bite. "Only you, Alistair, could take the prospect of all three of you dying for your cause and make it sound positively sweet. Revolting."

"Why, thank you." He beamed. "I do try." He turned to Wynne, waiting for her answer.

She sighed and shook her head a little, though her expression was not unkind.

"I think that you truly believe what you are saying. But love is ultimately selfish. I worry that one or both of you will be hurt by this. But I am an old lady, and you are the Grey Wardens here. It is not my place to offer unwanted advice on matters of the heart. Just know that my concern comes from a good place. I care about you both. You are sweet, Alistair, noble and kind. And Lauren, you are fearless and too smart for your own good. But you have a good heart. You remind me a lot of myself when I was your age. Perhaps I see a little too much of myself in you. Perhaps that comparison does you a disservice. Perhaps I am wrong. I hope that I am. Truly."

"You are." I said, with the complete certainty that comes with youth. "But your concern is noted and your friendship is appreciated."

"Well. That was all very tense, no?" Zevran said, nonchalantly, flicking a blade of dry grass into the flames absentmindedly.

"Quite." Wynne said, offering me a kind smile, which I returned, feeling my shoulders relax.

"You know, Wynne, if you find yourself in need of a massage to relieve some of that tension I would be happy to oblige." The elf grinned, wickedly. Wynne ignored him, as she had taken to doing whenever he made lewd comments towards her - which was all the time - but he had broken the tension and regular conversation swiftly resumed.

When dinner was over, Leliana dragged me to the stream nearby to wash up before bed, and I prepared myself for a fresh onslaught of probing questions. Underneath the shy Chantry sister was the bard, but underneath the bard was a hopeless romantic. The water was freezing cold, but I was used to bathing in cold rivers by now, and it only bothered me a lot, as opposed to a whole lot. I was getting better at this outdoorsy stuff.

We floated around for a while as I teased her with fake Alistair news, getting more and more ridiculous and outlandish with each falsehood, and she chased me around in the water, laughing as we splashed each other back and forth. We probably stayed in the water a little too long, and laughed a little too loudly, but we were still almost a day's ride from Denerim and we hadn't spotted another soul on the road for over a week.

We sat on some nearby rocks, drip-drying, but not for very long as the cool night air clung to our damp skin and hair and urged us to dress quickly. We started to head back to camp, desperate for the warmth of the fire, when an ominous, predatory hiss from behind us made us both freeze in our tracks. We slowly turned in unison, and I opened my mouth in a silent scream when my gaze fell upon the source of the noise.

The spider stood at around four feet tall, and I estimated it was about eight feet in length, with long, strong, brown, furry legs and lethally sharp pincers dripping toxic saliva. An answering hiss sounded somewhere in the darkness to our left, and I heard movement to my right. My battle brain was silent, overpowered by a lifetime of arachnophobia that was so bad that I had broken up with an ex boyfriend when he threw a rubber spider at me as a prank one Hallowe'en. I swallowed, urging my sluggish brain to stop screaming unhelpfully at me and think.

"Okay. Don't panic." I closed my eyes, whispering to myself, repeating the same platitudes Emily had rhymed off every time I had an arachnid-induced freak out. "They're more afraid of you than you are of them."

The closest spider gnashed it's giant pincers and let out another bone-chilling, rattling hiss as it advanced, and my eyes flew open.

"Nope. I was wrong. Abort! Abort!" I cried, as I back-stepped agilely, narrowly dodging it's attack, my muscle memory still working despite my mind being paralysed with fear. Leliana was by my side, stooped low in a defensive combat stance.

"I don't have a weapon!" She informed me, her voice slightly more shrill than usual but still a lot steadier than my own.

"My daggers are back at camp." I groaned, my eyes darting around rapidly in an attempt to keep all three spiders surrounding us in my line of vision. "Grayson!" I yelled, desperately, knowing even as I did that he wouldn't hear me.

"We have to get to the river." Leliana said, business-like.

"Do giant spiders hate water as much as regular spiders do?" I asked, hopefully, as we slowly backed away.

"I suppose we'll find out." She said, darkly. "On three, we run. One-"

Seeming to sense our intentions, all three spiders rushed forward as one, and I yelped, grabbing her arm.

"Three!"

We sprinted, practically flying over the grassy terrain towards our only hope of safety. Despite their size, the giant tarantulas did not lack speed, but for one glorious moment I felt a wave of triumph and relief when I knew we were going to make it, a feeling that evaporated in an instant when a fourth spider, larger and even more menacing than the rest, seemed to appear out of nowhere directly in our path.

I dived to the side to avoid it, but even as I did I knew that it was over. There was nowhere else to go, and it would be on me before I could even roll to my feet. I landed on my front and immediately curled into a ball, covering my head with my arms, praying for a miracle, knowing that any second now I would feel the slicing of powerful pincers. I hoped, absently, that whatever terrible venom coated those razor-sharp teeth carried some sort of paralysing agent - at least then I might not feel every rip and tear of my flesh before I died.

One second passed, and then another, and another. The hissing was furious now, and the air was full of the gnashing of teeth and the pounding of those terrible, impossible limbs on the forest floor, but the pain didn't come and the sound seemed to be moving away from me. I rolled onto my back and my jaw dropped when I saw what was happening. The largest of the spiders was locked in battle with the other three, and though it was outnumbered, it seemed to be holding its own. It stomped and lunged, spat and snarled, forcing the others to retreat, and realisation dawned on me as I remembered the way the great beast had seemed to materialise out of thin air.

"Morrigan." I breathed, jumping to my feet, feeling Leliana rise to stand beside me. I looked around desperately for something, anything that I could use as a weapon, but there wasn't so much as a long branch in sight. Inspiration struck me and I curled my fingers in my mouth, whistling as loud as I could. For a few moments, nothing happened, and the Morrigan spider remained furiously battling to overpower the others. I whistled again, and this time was rewarded by a chorus of fast approaching angry barks. Khan and Larry bounded out of the treeline, growling aggressively. I pointed to the spiders.

"The big one is Morrigan. Go for the other three." I commanded, so happy to see them that I could have cried. They leapt into the fray without a moment's hesitation, cleverly avoiding the business end of the spiders and instead snapping and biting at their legs. When the first spider fell, rolling onto its back with its legs hideously curled over it, the other two seemed to realise that the tide of the fight had well and truly turned, and they fled, scurrying back into the darkness from whence they came, with Morrigan and the hounds taking chase after them.

Leliana and I exchanged a look of disbelief, and I let out a hysterical giggle, practically euphoric with relief.

"That was too close." She said, grinning shakily.

I forced my expression into one of nonchalance and shrugged.

"Nah. I wasn't worried." I replied.

"No?" She raised an eloquent eyebrow, a slow smile spreading across her face.

"Nope."

"Not even for a second?" She prompted, teasingly.

"It's just not my style." I said, with another shrug.

"Not even when you were curled up in a quivering ball on the ground?" She asked, smirking good-naturedly.

"All part of my plan." I assured her, casually admiring my fingernails. "Expertly planned: flawlessly executed."

"You are impossible." She laughed, lightly shoving me in the direction of camp.

"Why, thank you." I grinned, throwing an arm over her shoulder in a show of comradery. "I do try."

"Okay, now you sound like Alistair." She grinned back, wrapping her arm around my waist as we walked back together in a semi-embrace. I shot her a thoroughly unamused look.

"I do not sound like Alistair." I insisted. "I am the OG. One hundred percent original attitude. Maybe Alistair sounds like me? Did you think about that?"

"Or maybe you two are so alike that I have trouble telling the difference."

"I am handsome and gallant." I agreed, with a wistful sigh. "You could be onto something there. Speaking of handsome and gallant…"

Alistair and Grayson almost ran headlong into us, weapons in hand, both men in varying states of undress: Grayson barefoot with long-johns, greaves and a breastplate and Alistair wearing boots, a long night-shirt and, as far as I could tell, not much else. They halted in their tracks when they saw us unscathed and alone, looking around for signs of danger.

"Hello boys." I greeted, raising an eyebrow at their appearances. "Let me guess; you were attacked by a tribe of armour-eating gremlins and you only just escaped with your lives?"

"We were in our tents. Khan pretty much threw himself on top of me and then ran in this direction. We thought you were in trouble." Grayson said, indignantly.

"Oh, we were." I said, brightly. "Yeah, we were almost devoured by giant spiders. But Morrigan and the hounds got there just in time. Killed one and chased the other two away. They're probably chowing down on some delicious spider meat as we speak."

Alistair shuddered.

"I hate spiders." He muttered.

"I hear you. They're made of nightmares. And grossness. And all those legs." I shuddered, before looking him up and down with a playful smirk. "However, I really think that this is a strong look for you."

He instinctively crossed his hands over his crotch to protect his modesty, even though the nightshirt he was wearing reached his knees.

"Hey! I was worried about you. You don't get to poke fun. Not fair." He whined. I grinned and stepped forward, planting a light kiss on his lips.

"Thank you. That was very sweet of you." I said.

"Sweet?" He repeated, with a reproachful look.

"I mean chivalrous. Daring. Brave. Very manly and rugged." I corrected, elbowing Leliana to stop her from giggling.

"Alright, alright, no need to gush." He grinned. "Pull yourself together, woman. We're in company."

"You know, I had almost forgotten. Looking at you right now, the way the light of the moon bounces off your...nightdress..."

"It's not a dress." He said, defensively.

"Isn't it, though?" I replied, skeptically.

"It's a shirt!"

"It's knee-length."

"It's a long shirt."

"So...a dress, then?"

"I hate you."

"No you don't." I said, in a sing-song voice. "I'm your favourite."

He laughed, shaking his head.

"Alright, alright, you win. Come on, let's get back to camp."

He pulled me into his side in a one-armed bear hug as we walked back, with Leliana and Grayson following behind us. I heard the word "adorable" whispered in an Orlesian accent, followed by an exaggerated retching noise from Grayson, but I didn't care. I had survived a giant spider attack and was now safe in the arms of the man I lov...liked a lot. I didn't love him. I mean, I loved him but I wasn't in love with him. I mean I was falling for him, definitely developing feelings for him, but it's not like I was actually in love with him. That would be ridiculous, and far too soon, and...

"I'm in love with Alistair."

"Sorry?" Grayson squinted up at me in the darkness as I crawled through the flap of his tent. The four of us had walked back to camp and were soon joined by Morrigan, who seemed downright alarmed by the level of gratitude that we were bestowing upon her for her timely rescue. The hounds followed shortly after, Larry proudly carrying a large spider-leg in his mouth: whether as a trophy, chew-toy or a snack, I wasn't sure, and I couldn't decide which of the options was the least disgusting. Once we had all calmed down enough after our encounter, we turned in for the night, but I couldn't sleep. Something other than darkspawn and archdemons and giant spiders was keeping me awake tonight.

"I said I'm in love with Alistair." I repeated, impatiently.

"Well...yes." Grayson replied, slowly, as if I hadn't just said something utterly mental.

"I can't be in love with Alistair." I insisted, defensively, as if it was he who had suggested it. "I can be in like with Alistair. Very, very much in like. But I can't be in love, I've only known him for…" I started to count on my fingers before I gave up, shaking my head. "The point is it's too soon, and it's all happening too fast, and-"

"Hush." Grayson commanded, and I glowered at him. "First of all, you've known him for a couple of months. Maybe that's fast for some people, maybe it's not for others. But in those two months you've spent every waking second with him, you've fought by his side, you've had to get to know and trust each other quickly because it's the only way we were going to survive. If you think about it, you've probably spent more solid time with Alistair in the last two months than most couples spend together in their first six months, collectively. I mean if you were to add up all the minutes. You fight together, train together, eat together, you ride together-"

"You die together, bad boys for life, yeah I get it. But-"

"Lauren. Relax. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Just enjoy it. It's a good thing. He feels the same way, you know."

"But I...do you really think so?"

"Only based on everything he says and does." He responded, glibly. I started to smile, before catching myself and shaking my head.

"No, I can't be-"

"Lauren. Face it. You are in love with Alistair."

I wanted to argue, but the last shred of denial in me crumbled, and I crumbled with it, flopping down to lie on my back beside him.

"I am totally in love with Alistair." I breathed, staring blankly at the peaked roof of the tent. "Shit."

"You think that's bad. I'm in love with Morrigan, and she barely even looks at me lately." He muttered, bitterly. I turned my head to look at him, reaching out and taking his hand, comfortingly, and we lay there together in contemplative silence, each of us staring at the canvassed roof unseeingly.

"We really are fucked, aren't we?" I whispered, remembering our conversation in Redcliffe all those weeks ago.

"Completely."

AN: You know, I'm starting to think Fridays aren't the best day to upload each week, I've been busy every Friday for the last month...let's just say I'll upload every week and not assign a specific day...

Thank you so much to Kira Tamarion, the greatest beta who ever beta'd.

Please review, reviews are my life-blood.

Chimera Spyke: I snorted at "took an arrow to the knee". Good work lol

Midnight Alley: Thank you, that's really sweet of you. Sorry to hear about your Australian Shepard, they're such beautiful doggos. Dogs are infinitely better than people.

Guest: RE the upload schedule, don't worry about it, I don't even know when it is. But it will be weekly going forward. I have a busy few weeks coming up, I'm moving and then going to visit a friend in Athens and then holidaying in Crete, but I've already written a few chapters ahead of what I've posted so I should still be able to upload on a reasonably regular schedule...thank you for reading!

LeliMor29: A list! I love it. Thank you so much for your great feedback, it made me smile on my way home from work today. Glad I've managed to make you laugh a couple of times, hopefully I can keep it up!