A/N: To my lovely reviewer who said I keep breaking your heart, I hope the end of this chapter makes up for it! I hope everyone enjoys the latest installment!
If Jed were being honest, he was more worried about Abbey now than in the direct aftermath of the miscarriage, watching her constantly as she refused to leave the bedroom, taking away full plate after full plate each day as she refused to eat, and as he sat with Neil one day during their lunch hour, he sighed heavily, unable to stop himself.
"You okay, Jed?"
He frowned, caught between wanting to confide in someone and betraying Abbey, but he brushed the feeling aside quickly, shaking his head. He needed to talk to someone about this, and since it wasn't going to be his wife and his best friend was on the other side of the world, Neil would have to take his place, whether he knew it or not.
"Abbey's not handling the miscarriage well. She stays in bed all day, doesn't eat, won't talk to me unless I ask a direct question, she barely manages to take care of Heathcliff when I'm not around. It's starting to really scare me."
Neil nodded sympathetically.
"I remember hearing somewhere that losing a child is one of the most difficult things a marriage can go through. You either come together to help each other heal, or you don't, which often leads to divorce. You and Abbey have one of the strongest marriages I've ever seen, but this is probably going to be the most difficult thing you'll face together, especially so early in your marriage. Give her time, Jed. She's going through a massive amount of pain and loss."
"And I'm not?" Jed snapped before he could help himself.
"Of course you are, but it's different for Abbey. Try to look at it from her perspective. She probably feels like she's to blame for the loss, and she's also likely dealing with the thought that you blame her, too. We both know you don't, but she still feels that way. It's going to be a hard thing to get through, but I know you. You love Abbey enough to work through anything, and she feels the same way about you. Just give her time."
Though his friend's words made perfect sense, Jed wasn't sure if his own grief could handle being shoved aside for much longer before he completely lost what was left of his mind.
For one terrible moment, Jed was certain that the phone was going to keep ringing for all of eternity, but when he finally heard that familiar click, he breathed a sigh of relief.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Jeremy."
"Bartlet! Long time, no talk. How've you been? How's the doc? Tell me you're sick of London and coming back. I'm going crazy here with preparing for the baby, and Sara keeps rearranging the furniture every two days."
"I need your advice on something," Jed said softly, stealing a glance down the hallway.
"Sure. Fire away."
Jed took a deep breath to brace himself for saying the words aloud, and he unconsciously gripped the phone tighter as though he could draw strength from the receiver.
"A few months ago, we found out that Abbey was pregnant. Everything went fine for the first few months, but three weeks ago, she had a miscarriage."
He paused, taking a moment to breathe.
"Ever since then, I can't help her. She's sleeping all day, she never leaves the bedroom, she doesn't eat…I'm at a complete loss on what to do. Every time I try to bring it up, she cries and while I know that's to be expected, I don't know if I can stand to see her so upset anymore. Her parents are worried sick and I'm right there with them. What can we do?"
"Shit, Jed…I'm so sorry…how are you handling it?"
"Terribly," Jed replied with a bitter laugh, "I'm upset, worried, scared, heartbroken, pissed off at God…just about every emotion you can imagine, I've felt it over the last few weeks."
"I'm sure you have," Jeremy agreed, "Now, as for helping Abbey…I know you might not want to believe this, but you might not be able to. This might be one of those things you both have to navigate in your own way. I could be completely wrong, but based on what I know about the doc, she's blaming herself for this, isn't she?"
Jed sighed.
"Most likely. I don't know. She won't talk to me. Or anyone else, for that matter. Hence the reason her mother is about one more avoided phone call away from flying over here to make sure she's not being held hostage or something."
"Hm…hey, there's an idea. Ask her mother to come out. Maybe she doesn't need to talk to a man about it. Maybe she needs to talk to another woman."
"Her psychiatrist is a woman," Jed pointed out, "And she hasn't set foot in her office since it happened."
"Give her time, Jed. And take care of yourself, too. If you ever need someone to talk to, you have my number."
"I know," he sighed, "Thanks."
"Anytime."
The more Jed thought about his phone call with Jeremy, the more he began to entertain the idea of asking Lorraine Barrington to board a plane, though he knew that was quite possibly the most insane approach he'd come up with over the last few days. But when Abbey again refused to talk to her mother late one Thursday evening, he knew he had to do something, or he would risk losing her to her grief forever. After speaking with her mother and father for several minutes, he finally made his way back into the bedroom, smiling sadly as Heathcliff wagged his tail.
"Hi, buddy. How're you doing?"
Heathcliff nuzzled his hand as he leaned down to pet him, and when Jed sat on the bed, he steeled himself for what he was about to do.
"Abbey, your mother is flying out tomorrow on the earliest plane she can get."
She turned to look at him, her skin paler than fresh snow in the darkness.
"What?"
"You need to talk to someone about this and if you won't talk to me, then maybe you'll talk to her. After all, she loves you and she's worried sick about you. You haven't gone to see Dr. Gillan, you never leave the room...Abbey, you—"
"You don't understand, Jed," she said quietly.
"You say I don't understand, but you've never given me the chance!" he said, his voice louder than he had intended, "I know it's different for you, but I lost our baby just like you did, and it's killing me. I'm so worried about you that I can't even begin to think about how I'm feeling, and I don't blame you for it. None of this is your fault, but you have to try. Tell me what I have to do. How can I help you through this? All the walls that you're building won't block the pain, and it's just causing you to be farther away from me. I don't want to lose you, but you're pushing me away when I'm only trying to help. It doesn't matter if I whisper or if I'm screaming, I'm just talking to myself now. Please, Abbey…come back to me."
Abbey stared at him for a long moment, a near-perfect combination of anger and pain in her eyes, and when she shook her head, he noticed the tears that were threatening to fall, but he did nothing to console her.
"Please leave."
"Leave the room, or leave for good?" he asked, daring her to fight him on it.
"You can go to hell for all I care, just get out."
Her words stung as though she'd slapped him, but he couldn't deny that there was a part of him that was proud of her for actually feeling her anger instead of burying it. He nodded once, stepping out of the room, and when he shut the door behind him, he tried to pretend that he didn't notice his own tears or the sound of Abbey's sobs that he was sure were ripping him into shreds.
Lorraine Barrington pulled Jed into a long hug as soon as she was close enough to him after stepping off the plane, and as soon as he felt her arms wrap around him, it took everything in him to keep from breaking down in the middle of the airport. He led her back to the cab he'd called to take them back to his apartment, and as they climbed into the back seat, she looked at him seriously.
"Jed, forgive me for saying this, but you look like hell."
He laughed bitterly.
"Well, at least the outside matches the inside, then."
As she sat next to him, her eyes took in his disheveled clothing, his unkempt hair, and his bloodshot eyes, giving credence to her suspicion that he'd spent a vast amount of time crying, and she reached for his hand slowly.
"I'm sorry about the baby, Jed. Abbey told me you were so excited, and I can't even imagine the pain you must be feeling."
"I feel like part of my soul has been ripped away from me and I'm never going to get it back," he whispered, "And if I lose Abbey, it'll be a million times worse."
"You're not going to lose Abbey," Lorraine told him sternly, "That's why I'm here to help. She's grieving just like you are, but it's different. She was the one who carried the baby, so it feels a bit more personal to her, even though you both lost the same child."
"She's completely shut me out, Lorraine," Jed said quietly, "She literally told me to go to hell last night. I don't know how to reach her now."
"Let me try first. She's grieving and in pain, but she's still Abbey and underneath it all, she loves you more than anything in the world."
As they pulled onto the street that was home to their apartment, Jed sighed, hoping that she was right. He had no idea what he would do if she wasn't, and as they climbed out of the taxi, Jed handed him the fare, offering the man a weak smile in thanks. After unlocking the door, he pushed it open, smiling when Heathcliff ran to greet them, and as he scratched behind the dog's ears, he laughed hollowly.
"This little demon saved Abbey's life that day. I'll owe him for the rest of his, that's for damn sure."
"He's adorable, Jed. His name is Heathcliff, right?"
"You can blame Abbey for that one," Jed replied, trying to lighten the mood.
"Where is she?" Lorraine asked quietly.
Jed pointed down the hall, his eyes sad.
"Last door on the right."
Hugging him one last time, Lorraine made her way in the proper direction, bracing herself for what she was about to see, but knowing it would never be enough. She was right. Seeing Abbey buried beneath the blankets, her pale skin streaked with the remnants of tears, was almost enough to shatter her heart, and as she walked closer to the bed, she kept her voice soft.
"Abbey?"
Abbey turned at the sound of her mother's voice, her eyes immediately filling with tears, and when Lorraine sat down on the edge of the mattress, she buried her head in her lap, sobbing so hard that she could hardly breathe. Lorraine ran her hand lightly over her daughter's hair, wishing she could take the pain away, and when Abbey finally spoke, her voice was hoarse and broken.
"I lost my baby, Mom…"
"Oh, Abbey…honey, I'm so sorry."
"I had one job. One fucking job, and I couldn't even manage it! Jed tried to tell me not to stress so much, that it wasn't good for the baby, but…and now—now I—what do I do? He's going to blame me and hate me for the rest of his life."
"Is that why you've been shutting him out? You think he blames you? You're such a smart woman Abbey, but you're completely wrong about this. Jed doesn't blame you and he could never hate you, no matter what happened. It wasn't your fault."
"How could he not blame me?" she whispered, "I do. I said such terrible things to him and I—I don't deserve his love or forgiveness."
"That's not true."
Abbey looked up at the sound of Jed's voice from the doorway, and when Lorraine gave him a questioning look, he nodded to the ground where Heathcliff stood waiting to be let in the room.
"Heathcliff wouldn't stop bothering me until I brought him to you. He loves you and wants you to be happy and guess what? So do I. Abbey, please believe me, I don't blame you for what happened, and I don't hate you. You could commit murder and I would still love you. I might question your sanity, but I would still love you."
He took a step into the room, Heathcliff bounding up onto the bed, and Abbey gathered him into her arms, almost as though she were using him as a shield. Sitting down on the bed, Jed looked at her seriously, his eyes begging her to listen, and he reached for her hand slowly.
"Abbey, I meant what I said last night. I don't want to lose you, but you have to meet me halfway. It doesn't have to be right now, but this can't go on forever. You're going to end up sick or worse if you keep this up, and I—please don't make me watch you die. Please."
"Jed's right, Abbey," Lorraine said softly, "Grieving yourself to death won't undo the past and you have so much to live for. Just try to hold on to those things and eventually it will get easier."
"I just don't understand," Abbey whispered, "Why did this happen? I've been going over all the medical knowledge I have, and I can't make sense of it. I wasn't overexerting myself, I was eating fine, I wasn't drinking, I don't smoke…there's no logical reason for this to have happened."
"Abbey, sometimes—"
"Don't you dare say that this was all part of God's plan, Mom," she snapped, "Jed already pulled that bullshit with me weeks ago! I don't believe that, not for a moment, and I can't think of a single damn thing that I could possibly learn from this that could justify tearing my baby away from me before I'd even gotten to know them! It isn't fair!"
Lorraine exchanged a look with Jed as Abbey began to cry again, placing her hand on her shoulder as she stood from the bed.
"I'll go make some tea," she said softly.
Jed resisted the urge to say 'I told you so' as she left the room, and when he reached for Abbey, he tried to pretend that it didn't hurt when she flinched.
"It wasn't your fault, Abbey."
She threw herself into his arms, sobbing into his chest, and as he held her, Jed felt his own tears begin to fall, though he didn't make any attempt to wipe them away. It broke his heart to see the bone in her wrist protruding so far as she clung to his shirt, made thinner by weeks of not eating, and when she said his name, he looked at her carefully.
"Jed, I'm so sorry. I've been treating you terribly and I should have never done that. I just thought that it would be easier for me to accept that you hated me if I could make you lash out and give me a reason to hate you."
"I don't hate you, babe. Never have, never will. The sooner you accept that, the better off we'll be."
"Jed, I…I haven't even asked…how are you handling this? I know I'm a fucking mess, so you must be, too."
"We can talk about it later," he told her gently.
Abbey raised her head from his chest, shaking her head as she raised tear-filled eyes to his.
"Let's talk about it now. Please."
"I know it's different for you because you're the one who carried the baby, but I was so excited to find out that you were pregnant. Not to say that I wasn't panicked, but I was so excited. I'd already imagined a little girl who looked just like you running around a few years from now, or a little boy who had your eyes and my hair chasing Heathcliff and playing fetch with him just like you do. This was my chance to be the kind of father I'd always wished I'd had, the chance to make up for generations of missteps. And we were going to do it together, which made it all the more special. And then when I came home and saw you covered in blood, I…I didn't even think about the baby at first. All I could think about was you and I'm so ashamed of that. Maybe that's the lesson: that I'm going to be a selfish person just like my father."
"If the roles had been reversed, I would have done the same thing," Abbey told him softly, "That doesn't make you selfish. It makes you human."
"It sounds like we've been angry at the wrong people. No one is to blame for this, and we can always try again if you decide that you want to have children someday. For now, why don't we focus on each other and getting back to the people we used to be."
Abbey sighed, shaking her head sadly.
"We'll never be those people again, Jed."
"You're right, but I'm not giving up on us yet. Don't make me be the only one," he said quietly.
"I won't."
That night, for the first time in nearly a month, Abbey managed to eat a small portion of the soup that her mother had prepared, ignoring Jed's protests that he couldn't possibly manage to mess up soup, and as she sat next to her mother in the bed while Jed walked Heathcliff, she laid her head on her shoulder, sighing tiredly.
"Mom?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you for coming. I think we both just needed an adult to tell us that we were being stupid."
"You're not stupid," Lorraine replied with a smile, "and I hate to tell you this, but you and Jed are adults now. You didn't need me to tell you anything, you both knew it all along. You just needed help realizing it. And no matter what, don't ever be afraid to ask for help. Everyone needs help once in a while."
Abbey nodded, and when she smiled, it felt so foreign to her that at first, she didn't know what had happened.
"I think you and Jed will be fine, but you do need to talk more. You both seem to have a habit of shutting the other one out when you're in pain, and while it's usually with good intentions, it creates more problems than it solves. Don't you think?"
Again, Abbey nodded, and when there was a light knock on the door, Jed stuck his head around the corner, holding Heathcliff in his arms.
"Someone misses you. Mind if we interrupt?"
Lorraine kissed Abbey's cheek, giving them both a warm smile as she left them alone in the room, and when Jed placed Heathcliff in his wife's arms, she smiled for the first time in Jed's presence in three weeks.
"God, I've missed that," he said as he sat next to her on the bed.
"What?" Abbey asked.
"Your smile," Jed said honestly, "It's been too long since I've seen it, and you have the most beautiful smile in the world."
"Jed, I know I've already said it, but I'm sorry. I've been acting like an idiot."
"Nah," he said with a laugh, "You just caused me to find my first gray hair."
Abbey frowned, looking at him curiously.
"I don't believe you. Where?"
"You think I'd make up something like that? I am highly offended, Mrs. Bartlet. How dare you?"
Abbey laughed, shaking her head. God, her laugh was the most beautiful sound he'd heard in his life.
"I'm your wife, that's how I dare. So, suck it up and get used to it."
"As long as you're with me, I can get used to anything, babe."
As she listened to the younger couple beginning the early stages of rebuilding their lives, Lorraine Barrington smiled, walking from the hallway to the living room. It was going to be a tough road, but she knew they were going to be just fine as long as they remembered to fight for each other instead of with each other.
After her mother had returned home with the promise to call her the following week, Abbey finally pulled herself out of the bed, wandering through the apartment slowly, and when she neared the kitchen, she paused. The last time she had truly seen this floor, she'd been pulling her body across it, and she shuddered involuntarily at the memory. It dimly occurred to her that it must have been Jed who had cleaned the room, and she wondered how he had managed to keep himself together during the process. She didn't think she would have been able to do it.
She was suddenly overcome with an intense wave of guilt for the way she had treated him in the aftermath of the miscarriage and as she walked into the living room, it took every ounce of self-control she had to keep herself standing. She allowed herself to collapse on the couch as soon as she was within a safe distance, and as she let her head fall into her heads, she took several deep breaths to keep her tears at bay.
Jed didn't blame her. He had told her as much more than once. She needed to stop blaming herself. In fact, she needed to be more concerned with how Jed was dealing with the loss, and when the front door opened slowly, she raised her head, smiling when she saw him.
"Hey."
"Hey," he said, surprised, "What are you doing out here?"
"Waiting for you. I wanted to talk to you about what happened."
"We've done that," he pointed out, "I told you that I don't blame—"
"No, Jed," she interrupted softly, "I want to talk about you. The night before my mother showed up, you mentioned that this was killing you. I want you to talk to me about it. Please?"
He could tell by the look on her face that she was entirely serious, and he nodded, walking closer to sit next to her.
"Where do you want me to start?"
She met his eyes seriously.
"Wherever you feel comfortable."
"I feel terrible about not even thinking about the baby when I got home that day," he said quietly, "I feel like maybe because I didn't think about them, maybe that's why God took them from us. Maybe I didn't appreciate the gift we'd been given."
"Jed, that's crazy. This wasn't some punishment for some perceived sin that isn't even really a sin. It wouldn't make sense for God to take our baby to punish you, because it hurt me, too. Did I commit some egregious sin that I'm not aware of? Do you think He was punishing me, too?"
"No," Jed admitted quietly.
"God doesn't work that way, Jed," she said gently, "You know that."
"I know I just…I needed there to be a reason, Abbey," he said, his voice breaking, "If there's no reason for it, how are we ever supposed to get through the pain of this? How are we ever supposed to keep living, knowing that our children could be taken away from us for no reason at all? How do we move on from the pain?"
"We don't," she answered simply, "We're not meant to, I don't think. The pain helps remind us that we're alive and that we have things worth living for. There might not be a reason for our baby to die, but it made you realize how precious life is, didn't it?"
"I could have learned that lesson some other way, Abigail."
She smiled when he said her full name, reaching for his hand.
"I know. But you'll need to take that one up with God, babe."
"Don't think I won't."
Abbey laughed, kissing him for the first time in a month, her touch gentle as she ran her fingers through his hair.
"I know you will."
Walking back into the apartment after a long, infuriating day, Jed frowned when he didn't immediately see or hear Abbey, his mind jumping to the worst possible scenario, and when he called her name, she frowned as she came into view, her hands attempting to towel-dry Heathcliff as he struggled to break free of her hold.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"I didn't know where you were," he said breathlessly, "I though maybe something had happened."
"Other than Heathcliff almost drowning me when I gave him a bath, I'm fine," she answered with an annoyed sigh as she placed the puppy on the ground, "I swear, I've never seen a dog put up that much of a fight."
Jed laughed, though his mood was still lower than usual, and Abbey looked at him worriedly as he wasted no time in pouring himself a drink from the bottle he'd brought with him.
"Jed, did something happen at school today? You don't typically come home and start drinking."
"Do you remember me telling you about that paper I wrote that I hoped didn't get me into too much trouble? Well, apparently, it did. They might expel me."
"What?" she asked incredulously, "Jed, what the hell did you write? A threat to the Queen?"
"No. It was basically that same paper I wrote at Notre Dame, the one about consequences and questioning their value. The one you liked so much. I tweaked it a little and apparently, they didn't take too kindly to it. I changed it to include a few thoughts about the war in Vietnam and the effect that it has on the soldiers when they return home."
"When are they making a decision?"
"A week from Monday. Abbey, if they kick me out, what will happen to us? I'll lose my job, my education, everything."
"Not everything," she reminded him, "You still have me and Heathcliff. Try not to worry, babe. We'll figure it out if that time comes. Don't borrow trouble. If necessary, we'll go back home, start building our house and I'll start school. Just try to stay calm, okay?"
"Says the chronic overthinker," Jed muttered.
"I know, it's easier said than done, but do you know what the last few weeks have taught me? You and I can make it through anything as long as we have each other and we're willing to put in the work. Or would you disagree?"
Swallowing the last of his drink, Jed moved closer to her, kissing her slowly, and when his hands found her waist, he smiled.
"Far be it from me to argue with the smartest person in the room."
Abbey laughed and as he lifted her into his arms, Jed had never appreciated the sound more than he did at that moment.
As he held Abbey in his arms late one evening, listening to her read aloud from one of her medical textbooks (something she often did to refresh her memory), Jed placed a light kiss on her hair, giving her a smile when she glanced up at him. After a few moments, he reached out to take the book from her hands, a serious expression on his face, and when she noticed this, Abbey frowned, certain another fight was forthcoming.
"Can I ask you something?"
"You just did," she quipped.
"Very funny, Abigail. I'm serious. Have you thought about whether or not you want to try again to have children?"
"Jed, this is definitely not a way to get laid, if that was your plan."
He rolled his eyes, laughing.
"No, smartass, I was just wondering. After what you went through, is it something you'd want?"
She frowned, thinking hard for a long moment, and when she finally nodded, there was a small smile on her face.
"Yeah, I think so. Not any time soon, mind you, but I think I would. Why do you ask?"
"I just thought it was something we should discuss. We didn't exactly plan the last time, so I thought it would be for the best if we were both on the same page."
Abbey smiled, reaching for his hand.
"We're almost always on the same page, babe. Except for when you take my book out of my hand. Give it back."
"No," he said playfully, "I want to talk to my wife."
"Well, your wife would like to read so that her brain doesn't turn into a pile of mush and become useless before she can be accepted to medical school."
Jed rolled his eyes, holding the book just out of her reach as she attempted to take it back.
"Jed! Give it back, jackass!"
"You're so mean to me, Abigail," he said jokingly, "Here I was, trying to have a thoughtful and meaningful conversation with you, and you'd rather read."
"We had the conversation, you idiot. You asked me a question, I answered, conversation over. Move on."
She sat up, still trying to reach the book, and when she straddled his hips to prevent him from moving, he laughed, tossing it to the other side of the room. She glared at him for a moment, and when he pulled her down to him for a kiss, he was slightly hesitant. It was almost reminiscent of the way he'd felt during their first kiss, and when Abbey pulled away from him, he knew she had noticed the difference.
"What's wrong?"
"I just…I didn't want to do anything you weren't comfortable with. I wasn't sure how you were feeling about anything even remotely sexual, and I didn't want to cross any lines."
"Jed, when it comes to you and me in the bedroom, you'll know the instant you cross any kind of line, because you'll be picking body parts off the floor until you lose consciousness."
Jed smiled, kissing her again, this time letting his tongue sweep into her mouth, and when she kissed him harder, he reached for her hips, holding her carefully to keep her from falling.
"Have I told you how sexy you are when you're threatening me with bodily harm?"
"Maybe," Abbey laughed lightly, "Once. Twice. Hundreds of times."
She kissed him one last time before moving from his lap, making her way to the other side of the room, scooping up the book he had so carelessly thrown to the ground.
"Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go back to reading."
"And if I do mind?"
"Then go take a cold shower and get over it," she said with a laugh.
He laughed as she climbed back into the bed, and as she settled back against his chest, he ran his fingers lightly over her skin. She quickly picked up where she had left off, her soft voice filling the room, and when she reached the end of a chapter, he frowned, looking at her seriously.
"Why'd you stop?"
She shrugged.
"Thought you might be getting bored."
"Abbey, I could listen to you read the phone book. I love listening to you."
Abbey smiled, glancing at him once before continuing, and as he listened to her low voice, Jed amused himself by combing out nonexistent tangles in her hair. She kept reading for so long that she was beginning to grow tired, and when he pulled the book from her hands this time, she didn't protest, her eyes slowly following his movements.
"Time for bed, baby."
"What time is it?" she asked, more than a little confused.
"A little after midnight," he answered, glancing at his alarm clock quickly.
He stood quickly, pulling back the blankets, and as she climbed under them, she watched him reach out to turn off the light, smiling when he joined her less than a minute later.
"Jed?" she began, her voice soft in the silence.
"Hm?"
"You know how much I love you, don't you?"
He frowned, confused by her line of thinking, but nodded.
"Of course I do, why wouldn't I?"
"I just…with the way I acted after the…well, you know…I wasn't sure if you still knew. I do love you, so much that I feel like my chest will explode, and I want to make sure that you never forget how much you mean to me."
"I never doubted that you loved me, Abbey. I doubted that you loved yourself. You were being so hard on yourself for something that you had no control over, and it nearly killed me to see that. Please don't ever shut me out like that again."
"I won't," she said with a smile, "You're stuck with me until the end of eternity, Josiah Bartlet. That's what those marriage vows were all about."
"Technically, the vows said, 'til death, Abigail."
Abbey rolled her eyes, laughing.
"You and I both know that if you die before me, you'll spend the rest of eternity haunting me, and don't even try to deny it."
"True," he conceded, "It's not my fault, it's yours. You were the one who made me fall so in love with you that I gave up being a priest for you."
"I thought you said you had more than one reason for that."
He shrugged.
"I lied."
"Jed!"
"What? It was the first and only time I've ever lied to you, and if I hadn't done it, you would have walked away, wouldn't you? I couldn't let you walk away for something like that."
"I feel like I've been conned into marrying you," she laughed.
"And wouldn't change it for anything in the world now, would you?"
Abbey shook her head, kissing him slowly as she moved to lay her head on his chest, taking comfort in the steady beating of his heart.
"No, I wouldn't," she admitted softly, "Jed, if I asked you to hold me for the rest of the night, what would you say?"
He pretended to think about it for a long moment, finding amusement in the way she seemed to be getting annoyed, and when he finally spoke, his voice was soft in the darkness.
"I'd say that you just need to stay where you are and that I've got you, baby."
Though her dreams woke her in the middle of the night, Abbey didn't bother getting up from the bed as she normally would have done, instead moving closer to Jed's warmth, and when she felt him pull her into his chest, she smiled, feeling better than she had in weeks, in spite of the blood-soaked dreams that were filled with the sound of a baby crying that had plagued her nearly every night since she'd been released from the hospital. She knew there was no sense in worrying Jed with the dreams when she was planning on returning to Dr. Gillan in two days, but she would have been lying if she'd said they didn't bother her.
She was well aware of what they represented, offering her little relief, but as she breathed in the scent of Jed's cologne, she took a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts. She was safe, Jed was safe, they had an adorable little puppy, they loved each other, and no matter what they faced, they would face it as they had every other obstacle over the last four and a half years. Just as they had overcome the incidents with Howson, the death of Jed's father, and even the most horrific loss of all, they would face it together, come hell or whatever else the universe decided to throw their way.
Together, or not at all.
A/N: What do you know, I can occasionally write something happy...