A Marriage that Started a Legend

by IJustShowedUp

Follows canon but with my own arranged marriage spin on it. What happens when Hunith makes a mistake and is forced on the run with her infant son? What happens when Camelot knights find her twenty years later? What happens when Arthur learns he's betrothed to a peasant boy? Will Merlin be able to stand among royalty? Will these two different boys survive each other? Review!

77. Chapter 77

Merlin didn't dare say one word, knowing that anything could set off Gaius. His Uncle Gaius was dragging him through the halls, hurrying him along frantically by his arm, trying to get him back to their chambers. So they wouldn't be overheard, and luckily, they didn't pass by any servants to start up rumors about seeing the Royal physician dragging their consort by the arm like an erratic child who had finally stepped too far out of line.

Merlin didn't even put up a fight, knowing just how much serious trouble he was in now that Gaius knew exactly what he had done. It was pretty hard to hide after Gwen was witnessed dragged-much harsher, more screaming and crying being down than Merlin himself was being-through the halls. He didn't know if he had anymore tears to cry. If all Merlin got was a scolding from Gaius, then he would get off very lightly. Not that he felt very light at that moment. Merlin was pretty sure nothing his uncle could do to him, would make him feel any worse than he already was.

You would think being a married man would stop him from getting a scolding. Him being grown should stop being 'punished' or being 'grounded' or lectured. But none of that was true. And actually, Merlin would welcome the lecture. Would welcome the punishment that may follow. Hell, at this point, he would have even welcomed a beating with a switch. Any little thing that could help him atone for the si he had done, to atone for the trouble he had caused Gwen and her family. When all he had been doing was trying to help…

Merlin was trying to control himself, stopping his shoulders from shaking as he tried to hold back the sobs that tried to work it's way out of him. Because what do you know, maybe he hadn't cried himself out already. Not when all he had was this 'huge' gaping hole practically caving in his chest. Screaming at him to make a break for it, Gaius wasn't so strong that the much younger Merlin could not get himself free and run to Gwen's side. But he'd already been stopped once by Arthur, and he knew for sure that he'd be stopped again. Gregory was following right behind them after all, and Merlin wasn't so naive that he thought the knight would just let him go.

It didn't take long for them to make it too the stairs, Merlin's legs wobbling and feeling like stilts-unable to stand for long as he suffered through yet another huge wave of anguished pain flooding his body-as Gaius dragged him up them. And then Merlin was being pushed into Gaius' chambers, with his elderly uncle slamming the door shut harshly, right in the face of the Knight trailing behind him with a bit of surprising strength. Not that it mattered since the knight had no plans of entering the home unless a reason deemed him too. Like if somebody started screaming because they found an intruder inside the home, ready to do away with their consort.

Well, Gaius had no plans on 'doing away' with the consort. But he did have every intentions of laying into him about what stupidity he had been thinking by going against him. "What do you think you've done!" Gaius was screaming at him as soon as they were alone. And with no Gregory to try and pull a blade on him the second he thought Gaius might be getting to aggressive.

Merlin was too ashamed of himself to look at his uncle proper, and stumbled over to one of the many tables. He nearly knocked over this stack of potions in his haste, falling against it to keep himself steady. "W-what? I didn't do anything." He choked out, feeling his throat when it went tight. It was a bloody lie! And he felt the overwhelming guilt when he had not coped to it immediately. It wasn't like he had any leg to stand on, the gig was already up, it had been since he saw Gwen's tears streaked face. And the truth was probably written over his face.

"Merlin! I know that you are not this stupid! I 'know' that you did not just ignore what I had warned you about, and went ahead and did it anyway because what? You thought you had known better or something?" Gaius was in a rage at his nephew. At least when Merlin had been being stupid when he had tried to warn the prince about the snakes before he'd got any proof, he had heeded Gaius' words and went out to find proof. This was nothing but pure irresponsibility. Childish. Thinking with no thought to the consequences. And their kingdom-the entirety of Camelot-was going to belong to Merlin someday.

"I know. I know. What I did was stupid." Merlin choked out, squeezing his eyes shut trying to stop the tears from flowing. Stupid, stupid he was so bloody stupid. He truly wished, more than anything in this moment, that one of his abilities was to go back in time. He would go and change absolutely 'everything'. If only he could. He'd…he would have to sacrifice Tom for Gwen's safety, would have to watch him mourn her while knowing he could have been able to save him. But look at what saving Tom had done to him, done to Gwen.

If only he was able to fix this. If only he could go back and come up with a better and smart plan. Or just not intervened at all, let the fates decide what is going to happen. It had been Tom's fate to die that day, but Merlin stepped in and decided he knew better. But it wasn't Gwen's fate to be arrested, until Merlin got in the middle and intervened. This had been the butterfly effect at it's finest. Just one horrible misstep from Merlin and he'd changed things for the worse…

Gaius didn't seem to hear him, too busy with his rampage over how 'irresponsible' he had been. How his magic wasn't a toy to be used whenever he didn't like how reality had been treating him. How some things just needed to happen to avoid something even worse from happening. Like Gwen. "Oh, but let me think for a second." Gaius finished snappily. "You thought I was just some old fuddy that didn't know what I was talking about. So you went and decided on your own to do what 'you'd' thought was best. And damn any of the many consequences I warned you that were liable to happen if you weren't careful!"

A good Consort, somebody that the kingdom needed to look after her, to help Her flourish into a good Home…a good Consort could not afford to think the way that Merlin did. Gaius knew that Merlin was young, and he still had many years to go before he even got close to the actual throne. So hopefully in those years to come, Merlin would learn how to be able to control himself from making dumb mistakes like this one. But that didn't help them right 'now'. Just because Merlin had the capability to learn from his mistakes did not excuse the fact that he probably just cost a young girl, one that Gaius had known for years, her life. Gwen didn't deserve to pay for Merlin's lack of judgment.

"What was I supposed to do?!" Merlin finally whipped his head around to look at Gaius. He

had given up on trying to stop his everflowing tears clogging up his eyes. And now all those years were flooding down his cheeks, making them flushed and red and puffy, the same as Gwen's. God, this was all his fault, everything had been set into motion just because he had not been able to leave well enough alone. Not even Arthur-the one who'd found that stupid poultice he'd been stupid enough to leave as evidence, the one who had arrested Gwen for crimes she had no idea had been committed in the first place-was at fault. It was him, just him. And that guilt was almost too much for him to bear. "I screwed up, I know I did! All I should've done was listen to you. But I didn't and now it's all a mess." Merlin fell against the table, using the rickety old thing to hold up all of his weight because he didn't have strength to hold himself up. His voice dropped down in a low whisper, talking to himself-trying hard to convince himself more than he was talking to Gaius, "How could I let her father die, how could I sit there and watch while I did nothing but knowing that I could…"

Merlin had been torn between the two awfulchoices. Had been nearly shredded in half to decide between what would be the worse to do. Okay, so he hadn't really been that torn up about it. He knew he couldn't allow a man to die, so he'd done what he felt was right at the time. But god, if only he had realized the consequences of his actions. If only he had the gall to listen to his uncle, then Gwen…he couldn't even bare to think of her. Her bright smile as she chatted with him. Her curly bang that always fell into her eye because it was to short to go behind her ear. The comforting way she would sit with him when he'd been stressing out about something that seemed to matter so little right now. The way she had trusted him so top to think-" Gaius let out this frustrated breath as he came to realize that him yelling at Merlin wasn't going to fix this. It was not like they could go back in time or do this or that to reverse it. What was done was done. And now that Uther had Gwen tightly in his crosshairs, he feared that they would not ever get her back. Even if they'd-somehow-managed to prove to Uther that Gwen were innocent, he might still have her executed for this. On the off chance that she 'might' have been in league with whoever the real sorcerer was. That was the kind of man that the king was, "That the curing of one man would have been suspicious?"

Considering everyone else had died from the sickness, of course everybody would turn to look at the one man who survived. Gaius was lucky Uther hadn't ordered him to go and do extensive tests on Tom to find out what was so different that he'd survived the onslaught of the sickness. And tests like that would be normally invasive, taking too much blood and too much tissue, skin and hair…it would have taken hours just for Gaius to get the samples he needed to run the tests on. Pointless tests since Gaius already knew it had been magic that cured him, wasting everybody's time and his own on doing 'actual' tests to find them a 'real' cure.

"Then…then I will just have to do something else!" Merlin exclaimed, going mad as he felt this new rush of energy take over him. Merlin pushed himself off the table, his head going around frantically as he tried to think of what he could do. Something that would help his friend get out of this. Something that would make things right! "I'll-I'll just have to cure all of them!"

Merlin was absolutely mad-crazed-when he made such a bold statement. If it had been that easy, Merlin would have done it to begin with. Instead of wasting his time watching his uncle try to find a scientific cure that would never come. It had taken everything he had just to make the one poultice, and then add in the spell on top of it…Merlin had learned that healing spells were tough. In fact, spells that catered towards healing was probably one of the hardest branches of magic there was. But to do it again? And again…and again. To put it on repeat over and over again until he'd been able to cure every person who'd caught the suck. It would probably take everything that he had out of him. But he also couldn't see any other way. For Gwen-the dread pulled at his stomach at what using such a huge dose of magic in a such a short period of time may do to him-he would do it.

"Nobody…." Merlin choked on the word as it fell from his lips. Even his eyes must've gone wild considering just how Uncle Gaius was looking at him. "Nobody'll ever have to know that magic was involved."

Merlin remembered the way he had pleaded with Arthur to help him. Pleaded with him to help 'her'. But he couldn't depend on that, it looked like he would have to do this himself, on his own. Merlin didn't have any hope that Arthur would step up and help him. Especially since he would have to show his hand and go up against his own father to get him to let Gwen go…Merlin hated himself because he knew he would do anything that Arthur wanted if the prince would only talk to his father on their behalf. He would swallow his ownpride and be the 'good' consort Arthur wanted him to be. He would sell his soul if it got Arthur to see things his way…

"It's too late!" Gaius shouted over the roaring of Merlin's thoughts. God, what had Merlin been thinking when he decided to do what was probably the most 'idiotic' thing he could have done. "They think Gwen's the sorcerer, which means they think she's the cause of the disease!"

Merlin bit back a harsh slew of curses trying to come out, his mama would have washed his mouth out with soap. For all those people who was so bloody terrified of magic, they'd known precious little on the subject. There'd be no way for Gwen to know any magic like this. Like Gaius had told him once, this kind of spell could only be done by someone who was magically gifted. Powerful. Somebody that had been practicing the craft for many years. Not somebody like Gwen, who would not have even been able to perfect the one healing spell Merlin had used on her father. Even Merlin-who'd been using magic literally his entir life, but had no formal training that would aid in his spell casting-could have performed a spell that that. Not at the level of skill he currently was…

"No, they don't." Merlin said shakily, and the nerves and the anxiety leaked out in between every word he spoke. "I mean-I was talking to Arthur. I poked holes in what he was thinking, I asked him questions! If he just uses his own brain, he'd know that Gwen isn't the witch!"

Merlin had tried so hard with what little time he had to shoot down what Arthur thought of Gwen. He hadn't managed to get close to her without being dragged away. He hadn't been able to stop the knights from treating her like some kind of common criminal. But what he'd had was Arthur. Arthur who he couldn't even trust, Arthur who had Gwen arrested simply because he had found one…tiny…little…glowy poultice-he called his magic ugly, called the healing glow from his poultice disgusted. He would have had plenty to say to Arthur, would throw their normal fighting right into the next century if he had been able too, if Gwen was not depending on him-in her room. But with no time to process how…disgusted…Merlin had felt with himself, knowing somebody had seen his soul and declared him 'disgusting'-had focused on Gwen. He'd told Arthur that she didn't have a spell book, had questions on how she could have learned how to do a spell, had asked him how Gwen could have done a city wide curse…anything he could've thought of that would make Arthur question himself and what he thought he knew.

…Arthur had sent him away, had told Gaius to 'get him out of there'. And the look that Arthur had in his eyes, Merlin could have sworn that it was sympathy. As if he was feeling sorry for Merlin being caught up in all of this. And that made Merlin sick, sympathy? Him? Merlin did not deserve it, from Arthur of all people. Now, if Arthur had shown him that kind of kindness any other time, Merlin might have been able to appreciate it. But he couldn't. Because the prince wasn't showing 'sympathy' for him, he thought Merlin was too weak to handle it.

Well, Merlin wasn't too weak to handle it. And Gwen needed somebody to be strong for her, someone smart enough to get her out of this, somebody that…could come clean about the truth and what they-he-had done.

"Merlin, you cannot just go running off half-cocked!" Gaius interrupted, screaming out as he saw what looked like Merlin about to make a break for the door. And truth be told, Merlin had been making an aborted motion to leave this place. He didn't know what he was going to do-knew what he would like to do but just the thought of confessing made his throat go tight and nausea roll right through him-but he knew that he couldn't stay here either. "As a consort, you need to think things through or have some kind of plan in the works! You can not behave like this, because this isn't about you. When you make a mistake, it will be the people who suffer. People like Gwen who will have to pay for those mistakes!"

And…Gaius was right. Merlin had been stupid to not realize what would happen afterwards. He had been stupid to not see past his own arrogance. But Merlin could feel the way his argumentative attitude was starting to claw its way out of his throat. Merlin had been very wrong to do what he had done, but…how was he supposed to do 'anything' if people-more than just Gwen suffering because he'd made 'one stupid mistake' that could cost the girl her life-were relying on him. He'd been trying so hard to get the title of consort away from him and all it had done was force him into the role even more firmer than before. He wasn't a consort that the people needed. He wasn't even a half decent sorcerer! How could Gaius just lay it all on him like that, as if he had been the one to ask for the responsibility. As if he'd been the one who knew from birth that there was a kingdom expecting something that was greater than himself from him.

"And what-" Merlin started, stopping himself before he could go into a rage. There was no time for him to rage, no time for him to start going off again about how unfair any of this was. Life's unfair, he got that. But what right did he have to complain when he was here on the safe side of things. When he was 'here' in his uncle's home, and not being thrown at the feet of the king with hatred soaring across his eyes and thrumming in his blood as he would look down at his prisoner. Merlin locked at his lips and shook his head, his voice softer and more questioning than fighting fit, "What if I…what if I'm not responsible enough to have a power like this?"

Merlin had been using magic for as long as he could remember, but things had never got as tough for him as they had been since he'd moved to Camelot. But the magic he'd used back in Ealdor had always been for himself to be entertained. Making pictures in the sky by using the dust or the leaves was just one very small example. He'd used his magic for more practical stuff as well, like using it to light the kindling in their little makeshift fireplace after a harsh day in the fields. There was far more harsher days than not. The only time he had used his magic to actually help people…had been a year ago. When he had to shift a tree two inches to the right as it fell, stopping the way it would've crushed Old Man Jenkins and his house….Merlin had also been the one that caused the tree to fall in the first place when practicing his magic, so he couldn't be sure if that really counted as helping. But then he'd been forced here, and he'd tried to make the best of things…use his magic to help people more than he had back home. Was that a bit of a dangerous move, considering what this kingdom did to his kind of people? Probably. Had he cared? Maybe not nearly as much as he should have…and now look at him. He was the biggest screwup known to man. And here he was feeling sorry for himself when Gwen…

Merlin made no move to wipe at the tears as they continued to stream down his face. He needed to show his anguish, to let his looks dictate what he was feeling on the inside of himself, "I know I'm not this consort, the one that everyone wants me to be! I know that! I also have the excuse of still being new, how long though, do I have until that excuse runs old? Another month, two months? How much longer do I have before saying 'I'm new' just means I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. And my magic? I've had magic my whole life and even if that book you gave me helps, I've still found another way to screw up. What if I wasn't meant to have magic? If I don't even know how to use it without hurting those that are closest to me…clearly, whoever 'gave' me these powers or whatever…they made some kind of mistake. My having magic has to be a fluke, the world's biggest joke. The freak with a spell under his breath that doesn't actually help with anything…"

Merlin looked at Gaius, feeling the wetness on his face growing cold in the brisk air inside of Gaius' chambers. So cold that they might as well freeze to his face. But he was pretty sure it was himself that was the freak and not the temperature in the room. Freak…freak…a freak of the highest proportions who couldn't even do his first healing spell right without a hand to hold his and guide him through that failing process. He'd always been an outsider, living on the outskirts no matter how hard he tried to fit in. But…it was a lie. Always a lie, for how could he fit in when he was so 'different' from everyone else. God, he felt like he was a monster-he always did-but it was suddenly so much worse after getting Gwen caught in the crosshairs of his own foolishness. He just wanted to rip his magic out, cast it aside so it could rot in the abyss somewhere far away from him. So he wouldn't be tempted to use it ever again. So he wouldn't hurt somebody ever again. He'd probably be walking around like the living dead, a doll with no soul as he tried to get accustomed to a life without the glow-the disgusting glow, as Arthur referred to it-bright in his chest. But, at least then he would never have the opportunity to make a mistake like this again. At least he'd never be feared or have to live in fear…wouldn't that be worth a life without magic…

He didn't know.

Gaius seemed to finally take a good and long, hard look at him. At his form barely standing on his feet without collapsing. At his streaked face, the wetness of his tears turning his face a flushed color and leaving reddening streaks in their path. His eyes, at this point, probably looked more red than they did blue. Or it may be the red rim bringing out the blue, making them far more vivid then usual. And then he was sighing, his uncle's shoulders slumping as if he had the same weight on his shoulders that Merlin did.

"There was no mistake, nor was there any kind of fluke." Gaius said softly. But Merlin did find that hard to believe. How was he not just some giant mistake? Somebody else having the power the fates deemed him to have may not be as careless as he was. Anybody else would've been smarter…know not to trek on anyone else's toes in a kingdom that would see them burned. And if not them, then they would see an innocent be put to the stake, so they could have their pound of flesh. Clearly, one way or the other, Uther would have his witch. Gaius seemed to see his turbulent of thoughts, because Merlin was grounded and forced back into reality by the hand that was put on his shoulder. "You are still young, so of course you will make mistakes. But having an ability like yours was not one of them. We just need to work on your control and response to certain situations. It might be too late to be of any help to Gwen but-"

Merlin's head snapped up, tension running in his body. Gwen…Gwen…Gwen…here he was all over again, wasting his time with feeling so sorry for himself. He always seemed to feel a sorrow for himself nowadays, when there was others that had it so much worse than him. At least if Merlin was on the stand, it would have been for who he was, how he was born, what he had done…Merlin surely wouldn't be any innocent, standing trial for a crime that he'd not done. He didn't even know what Uther would do with Gwen. Put her in a cell for the rest of her days, or chop her head off just like he had to Thomas James Collins that day he first came to Camelot. Or…even something so much worse…

But Merlin did know that Gwen was there, all alone. Facing an inquisition she shouldn't be, was clueless too…was probably scared and helpless like a newborn fowl just learning how to walk on its own.

Gaius continued to talk, trying to impart just a bit of his wisdom onto Merlin, "But I do have to believe that not only was your magic given to you, but so was you being given the power of consort. Fate can be a funny mistress, that is. And maybe you being her Chosen was just her way of making up for all the turmoil being caused to the magical community. Who shall be better to change things, then a sorcerer in a position of power? But until the day comes where you can do things in the open, you will need to learn when using magic is okay, and when it isn't. The best thing you can do is ask yourself before you cast a spell: what trouble could this cause."

Trouble, Merlin thought disgustingly, was all he seemed to cause. Trouble for the people who took their pleasure and jollies out when they'd go out of their way to torment him. Or trouble for Arthur, who was wasting his own time by always being on Merlin's case over every little action he made. Trouble for Gaius, because Merlin ignored him and now he had to live with Gwen suffering through any of the consequences of Merlin's actions. Trouble for Gwen…who's very life could be snuffed out at any minute due to Merlin's arrogance…

Gaius finished off what he was saying with a squeeze to Merlin's shoulder, "You just need to keep the people in mind, and think about what is best for them. Things aren't like they were when you were a peasant, able to run off and do whatever because nobody cared enough to look twice. Everyone has eyes on you, and you need not give them any reason to try and crucify you."

Merlin figured Gaius was trying to be helpful, and in a way, maybe he was. Well, not about the people trying to crucify him. They were already doing that with their general attitude, and that was when they weren't all but trying to attack him with barbed comments or even threats of violence. But…he needed to keep his people in mind, needed to do what was right. Even if it left the king himself trying to have him crucified.

Merlin brought his arm up to his face, buried his face in the crook of his below, and wiped off the tear streaks. His eyes might still be rimmed in red, the signs of crying obvious as he face still felt sticky. But he couldn't help Gwen if he locked himself in here and cried himself half to death. Merlin didn't say a word to Gaius-he didn't have anything to say-and instead, hurried off to the door.

"And where do you think your going?" Gaius called after him, startled by the sudden spur of movement Merlin was doing. He did find himself very reluctant to let his nephew out of his sight for any amount of time. He wasn't exactly sure how well his message had sunk into his nephew's skull, and feared he might do something worse if he went, off acting sorely on his emotions.

Merlin looked over his shoulder and grinned with a false bravado of cockiness, trying to emulate Arthur in his worst moments of pride and egotistical, "I'm doing what is best for my people."

Merlin would be the first to admit that he ran off his own emotions more often than not. If he saw that something was wrong, then he'd want to correct it. That was what had led him to trying to punch Arthur that very first day, it had almost gotten him tossed in the dungeon for his troubles. It was what led him to going ahead with sneaking into Valiant's chambers, and cutting the head off a serpent as his own version of proof. And why he'd caused Arthur and himself humiliation in front of the entirety of the council, and he was still paying for it. It was why he had used his magic to heal Tom from his deadly state. Why Gwen was being punished now, in his place.

…He really hoped he wasn't about to make yet another mistake. He clearly wasn't the best at thinking things through of making any plans like Gaius thought he ought too. Action was more his thing anyway…

Merlin threw open the door, took one step to the outside world, and then did a U-turn, and made his way back inside. Closing the door behind him. It was pretty hard to make a plan to off himself in front of the king when he had Gregory outside the door, making sure he did not leave the supposed sanctuary of Gaius' home.

"Merlin!" Gaius tried to protest when he saw Merlin taking large steps and bounding two stairs at a time to his room. "You cannot…did you hear anything I've said! You're going to get yourself kille-" Merlin slammed the door to his room shut, leaving Gaius alone.

X

Merlin wasted no time with yanking sheets off his bed, cursing the fact that he had to go through the painstaking process of tying all of them back together to make himself a rope long enough to escape from his window. That George…he hadn't been lying when he'd said he'd cleaned up Merlin's room. It looked to be practically spotless, which made Merlin itch for reasons unknown. Something about what he thought as his 'safe space' being violated as George took measures to clean it all up.

Merlin didn't have time to think about George though, not when he expected he wouldn't be seeing the manservant anytime soon. He would probably be dead before the morning's light anyway.

Merlin's face hardened in determination as he tied the first knot of the sheets together. He was not the consort anybody was expecting, and a consort would probably know how to fix things like this politically. But Merlin didn't have the time to try and fix this politically-he wasn't even sure what that would entail-she needed him.

And he was going to her, the echoes of her shrieking fear still ringing in his ears.

X

Arthur was able to hear Gwen long before he actually saw her, her voice echoing down the hall as he strode with large steps towards his father's throne room. The handmaiden made herself sound terrified-or so Arthur would've assumed, as she couldn't be surprised that she'd been caught. Hiding a poultice under a pillow wasn't exactly mastermind material for anyone, especially since it had been common knowledge that the homes were being picked over and searched by his men.

"Please, listen to me." Gwen begged his men as Arthur rounded the corner, trying to yank her arms out of their unrelenting hold. Arthur noted that she was shaking like a leaf, unable to keep herself standing without the guard's holding her up. She was absolutely terrified of what was happening, looking like she was going to bolt-like some rabbit being chased across a wide, open field by the big bad wolf-Arthur was the wolf in this scenario.

Either Gwen really was some mastermind of a sorceress, and getting caught had been part of whatever plan she cooked up to destroy the entire city, which made her some kind of marvelous actress. Or she was freaking out since all she had done was get desperate and gave in to the satanic urge to use magic since her dying father needed it. Or she-like Merlin had suggested-really had no idea what was going on because she hadn't done the spell work herself. …Merlin must have really gotten under his skin, the way he was pleading with Arthur to help Gwen, not wanting any royal influences he could've gotten instead…this whole thing was bugging Arthur to extreme.

This was when Gwen seemed to notice him arriving, her head whipping around like mad-more than one of her wild curls escaping her ponytail and falling across her face to give a more deranged appearance-to face him with desperation written all over her, "Please, I've done nothing wrong!" she begged for her life to the prince, knowing the second she would enter those chambers…it was all game over for her. Uther would have no mercy for any serving girl who decided to play with things she could not possibly hope to understand.

Arthur's face went impassive, not any hint of expression to be seen. He was hard. He was emotionless. Gwen would get no mercy from him as well, as he tried to emulate his father. Even with Merlin's and Gwen's pleas for help overlapped together inside his mind. Arthur couldn't bare to look for her as he strode on past, eyes focused ahead as if he couldn't hear her. The guards had taken to waiting for his arrival at the doors instead of taking her to see Uther themselves, as they should. He needed to be here. To rein in the credit that his father would generously bestow upon him when he unmasked the witch before him.

But Gwen was ruining what should have been a good moment for him, his stomach twisting into knots as she broke down into sobs right behind him when she realized he hadn't been returning to say he had made some kind of awful mistake.

Derrick and Justin were the ones chosen this month to guard the doors. And they'd swung it open when Arthur approached, neither one giving Gwen a look as well. And if they did, it would've been like they were looking straight through her. They wouldn't 'dare' be seen or thought of as witch sympathizers. Something like that could sometimes warrant a sentence to the pyre if Uther was feeling so inclined.

"I swear!" Gwen moaned, hanging her head and dragging her feet, feeling the scraping of the cobblestone through her far too slim red slippers as the knights drug her shaking form to the center of the room. "I haven't done any thing!"

Her pleas-for the millionth time-went ignored by everybody around her. It was even worse this time around though, because Gwen was suddenly being thrown onto the floor, crying out as she scraped her palms on the floor in an attempt to catch herself. It felt as if she'd sprained her wrist-or at least she hoped she sprained her wrist and didn't break it. There was no snap so that was a good sign, but she could not even bring it up to her chest to try and console herself. She dare not move with the fear shooting through her veins, far too fearful that she would drag attention to her if she moved even an inch. But she didn't have to worry about something like that, every eye in the room was already focused with a great intensity on her form. The three knights that had brought her here stood guard across the now closed entranceway. Like they'd thought she would make a break for it the second the first opportunity came. Which wasn't entirely a wrong idea, because she wanted to run off, to run away as fast as her legs could possibly carry her.

There was Arthur, carefully avoiding her eyes as if he didn't know her and she was just one more soon to be casualty among Uther and his rein, as he walked around her to stand off to the side of his father's throne.

And then…him.

Gwen's breath caught in her throat, making it feel as if she couldn't breath even though she could certainly feel every individual beating of her heart running rampant in her ribcage. It was no coincidence the knights had decided to throw her here. Here…she'd been thrown down right at the feet of the king. Uther was looking impressive on his golden throne, and terrifying as he glared down his nose at her shaking form. Gwen had never felt so small in all her life, had never felt like a wrong twitch would have been enough to send her off to a flogging. It was clear that everyone was only waiting to hear what Uther's judgement was going to…a judgment that would be cast onto her. She wouldn't even be given a trial, just a small chance gifted to her to allow herself to prove her innocence for whatever crime they thought she'd committed.

Things like actual trials though, was more of a rare occurrence. Given to people of worth, those who were more blue blooded than they were red. The people who actually amounted to something in their society, had family of a good standing that would demand proof and retributions if their offspring and heir had been accused of some heinous crime. It was why Valiant had been accused in front of the entire court, why the king had questioned the man personally against his son's accusations. Because a knight was worth more to their fair city than a simple serving girl was. Gwen was lucky she was even seeing the king, instead of being tossed in a cell to remain the rest of her days in.

Uther seemed to dismiss her, but only for the moment, as he turned to look at his heir with a lifted eyebrow, "The boy is not here to bare witness to these proceedings?" Nobody had to ask who 'the boy' was. Gwen blinked back her tears harshly, because Merlin hadn't been following after them. He had…left her alone? Her heart seemed to drop straight down into her stomach, as if she had swallowed a large stone. Even Merlin knew that she didn't have a chance of getting out of this. People rarely did, when they had done-or been accused-of something so terribly awful that they'd been brought straight to the king.

Arthur glanced around, hands clasped with one over the other in front of his crotch trying to keep the attention off his consort. But his father had asked him a question, so he could not just ignore it. But he also didn't want the others to overhear his personal business, so he leaned over to whisper the information in his father's ear, the king tilting his head so he could hear it properly, "My Consort is…quite fond of this particular servant," he glanced to the girl on her bruised and busted kneecaps who had dissolved back into quiet sobs while scrubbing her face raw. He glanced away as to not meet her eyes. "I didn't want him to go causing a scene, you know he likes to go and get himself involved in these things. I thought it was best to send him off with Gaius to get a sedative or something before he acted out."

Arthur finished this with a jokingly crass smile to his father, trying to impress that everything was alright. That he hadn't just had his Merlin pleading to him on Gwen's behalf. And Arthur knew to his father, impressions seemed to be everything. Uther wouldn't want Merlin taking a spot in the chambers if Arthur was unable to guarantee his cooperation. If Arthur could not promise that Merlin would sit back quietly and watch the punishing process. Arthur also knew his father wouldn't hesitate to have his consort flogged within an inch of his life if he tried to stop what was happening, if the king thought Merlin was trying to do something like 'protecting' the witch.

Arthur couldn't stop what was happening-he had been the cause of it actually, but like he'd told Morgana, something like this was far too big for him to just turn a blind eye to. Since it was the lives of their people at stake-but he'd at least be able to stop Merlin from having to participate in the proceedings. The stress of having to watch his 'best friend' be forced to her knees by armed guards in front of the old king would surely have caused another huge outburst from him. One that Arthur could not hide from his father or dismiss as just an odd peasant habit.

His father seemed to consider this for a brief moment, where Arthur held his breathe while hoping his father wouldn't instruct him to go fetch Merlin anyway. An opportunity like this would 'really' put Merlin in his place for fear he might be next. But Uther just nodded his head, "Alright then." The king agreed, before turning his head back down to glare at the handmaiden at her feet. "Let's continue on with these proceedings without him then."

Arthur let a breath of relief escape him before he straightened himself up to focus on what was happening. As much as Arthur wanted to have his consort start behaving himself, even he seemed to know that witnessing this was going to be a step too far. It would've been a good teaching moment for Merlin, to know he needed to correct his attitude because Uther was not a man to mess around with. And that was the type of man Arthur hoped to become when it was his turn to step up as the newest king of Camelot: a Great man who knew how to be both feared and respected by those of his people.

Uther spoke up, "Well, I suppose the least I can do is thank my son for a job well done in finding our resident witch." he was speaking of Arthur, but his disgust was aimed right at Gwen. Arthur wanted to be proud of himself for getting a 'well done' from his father. The prince didn't get praises very often, probably once in a blue moon actually. But it was hard to feel anything when Arthur wanted to leave so he wouldn't have to watch this himself. He didn't have the luxury of making excuses for himself though. So he stayed, and decided to ignore Merlin's plea to help Gwen in favor of watching for what his father decided. And the king started talking again, this time speaking to the witch, "Do you know why you've been brought before me, girl?" As if he didn't very well know her name. He had hired her, after all, upon Morgana's insistence that she have someone closer to her age to aid her.

"No, I don't." Gwen whimpered, her nails dug into the floor beneath her and she didn't dare lift her eyes up for fear that anything could be her undoing and set Uther off. But Gwen was actually quite a smart girl, a fact which often got overlooked because of her serving role in life. She might not be able to read advanced literature nor could she keep up any proper conversation about the state of the politics in neighboring kingdoms, but she could still put the pieces of a puzzle together. Uther calling her a witch, Arthur announcing that she was being charged for using enchantments. Gwen knew she was being arrested over witchcraft, knew this was the reason that everyone was looking at her-if they would even bothered to look at her at all-like she was some kind of monster. Why they were treated her so awful, witchcraft was not something to be throwing around willy nilly in Camelot. But, Gwen had no idea what made them think 'she' had used magic. She didn't know any kind of spells and she didn't know any kind of enchantments so she was at a lost over how they thought she'd cast one…?

Uther sneered down at her, his hands would tighten around the armrests of his throne so tight that his knuckles turned white, "You are here, being sentenced as a prisoner against the city. That you knowingly, and with the full awareness, performed sorcery, which would be a known offense which is punishable quite severely. To cast a curse that has effected us and the city as a whole, causing sickness and death to many citizens. But when it had been found that your own father was next to catch the sick, you changed up your tricks before using magic-the very thing that started all of this-to heal him."

Gwen…Gwen couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her mouth literally popped open in horror and fear as the cold, pure shock of her reality washed over her. This was…obviously some kind of misunderstanding. But not one as well. Obviously, she hadn't used magic to-to curse the city. And she hadn't used any of the same magic to cure her father. But…there was her father. Who'd been cured from the sick. But Gwen certainly hadn't done it, even though it was suspicious, she could see that much very clearly. How did her father survive when nobody else had…?

Gwen seemed to get her voice back, even if it came out all clogged up and raw from all that awful crying she had been doing, "Why won't anybody believe me! My father…he got better all on his own! I didn't do anything to help him get that way!" Her head whipped around with a frantic-ness to it, her brown eyes wide and scared-so scared-looking for any sign of any person there showing her mercy or maybe a bit of kindness. A sorrow to the eye, a frown of concern, a grim expression that said they didn't approve of what was happening to her. But there was no mercy to be had for a young girl accused of witchcraft. Gwen felt it when her shoulders started too sag, she had never felt so alone in all her life. She had not done anything! But she could see she was about to be railroaded for a crime she didn't know had been committed.

Her father had gotten better! Maybe he just had a really strong immune system than the people who had died. It wasn't sorcery! She hadn't done it, and she didn't know anybody who did magic. It would've been treason for her to not turn them in if she did know…but whatever hope she had seemed to fade from her under the crushing weight of the king and his glower. She…nothing she said was going to help her, was it? Her face fell forward since she regretted raising her head to meet eyes with the king at all.

The king opened his mouth to say something harshly to her, probably sentencing her to the life of a prisoner, somebody who only saw the sun through the bars of her window. Oh…god have mercy! What was she supposed to do to get out of this, what would her father think as he learned of her arrest. Would he believe the awful lies being spread about her! She loved her father dearly, but even she knew using a magical spell to save him was going too far, it was something she hadn't even thought of, if only because she had no idea how to. Now, if only everybody else would just believe in her innocence. Then she could go home…to her father and put this nastiness behind her.

But before Uther could tell her what was to become of her, the Grand Doors were being yanked opened by the guards Derrick and Justin on the other side. And Gwen felt such a surge of hope shoot through her. She might not have Merlin here to help her, but Morgana had just arrived. Her sheer blue sash around her waist flared out behind her as the length of darker blue fabric her dress was made out of trailed along the floor. Her braided black hair slung over her shoulder thumbed harshly against the side of her breast. And her eyes were narrowed with distaste at the scene she had just walked in on. Her extremely trusted handmaiden down on her knees before those men deemed more powerful than herself. She was being treated as if she was nothing more than the common riffraff on the street.

"I believe you," Morgana announced, striding across the floor until she stood standing with Gwen beside her. Keeping her eyes locked on the man that had taken her in after her family had died as a young girl, looking like she was some kind of avenging Angel. Appearing in a fit of righteous rage to defend those who had nobody else in their corner. Apparently, Gwen had been speaking louder than she'd thought for her voice to carry through the doors for her Lady to hear her. Morgana continued her talking to the king, never raising her voice to be any higher than it had to be, "Perhaps this disease is not one that is always fatal? Could it be that Gwen's father just recovered more naturally?"

It wasn't like anybody had all the answers concerning the sickness. There was so many questions still to be had, so many theories on it, running all over the city as the people grew more and more creative with their herbal teas to create an au natural medication. Not even Gaius seemed to understand it. And sure, this sickness was clearly unlike anything this city has seen before, but it wasn't the only sick in the world. Even ordinary sickness would not effect everybody the same, some would get healed rather quickly by their own means or take a bit longer with the help of medications from Gaius. This disease might be magical in nature, but whose to say it didn't follow with the same principle?

Uther was a stubborn man though, probably one of the most stubborn in the entirety of the kingdom in fact, and he would not be so easily swayed, ready to poke holes in all that his ward would bring to the table, "And what of the poultice that was found?" He asked in a swamy tone, wanting to know what kind of excuse his ward would find for that one. The poultice in question had, of course, already been taken out back and burned until there was nothing left. Getting rid of the pure, evil wickedness before it could start spreading to more 'civilized' company.

Morgana's didn't say anything to that, as she clenched her jaw tight. The poultice that the prince had told her about was the one thing she couldn't account for. It wasn't something that one could make accidentally. But she did find it hard to believe Gwen would have gone so far as to make one herself. Gwen knew the penalty for witchcraft, surely she wouldn't go risking her livelihood, her life…no. The people just wanted somebody to blame, and her own handmaiden was a convenient target to stop them from finding the real culprit. She…didn't know how to prove this was either a lie some awful person concocted and planted behind the poultice to frame Gwen. Or some kind of awful misunderstanding designed to make a young girl look as guilty as possible without having done anything. Nothing…nothing was making sense about this. Hell, she didn't care if Gwen had done this. If she'd only used the magic to heal her ailing father…surely it could give her some leeway. But this was Uther and he did not care what magic had been used.

Magic was magic, and that was a sentence that led to death. No matter what were the circumstances.

Gwen, fearing that she was already losing any chance she had to go home, back to the warm safety of her father's arms, spoke up in her own defense. "I don't know what you are talking about. I don't know anything about a poultice!" Her bangs were plastered across her forehead. She felt hot…too hot, like she could pass out. But passing out would most likely only prove her guilt.

This was the first time she was hearing that word being involved in her sentencing: that poultice. Most people didn't even know what a poultice was, all knowledge of anything that went with magic lost to time. Some older folk might know the name, able to remember the times before the Great Purge. But Gwen was too scared to say anything else, because she was one of the few young people that knew what a poultice was. Some kind of magic that helped channel a sorcerer's spell. And Gwen knew only that much because she was often serving Morgana at the table while Uther and Arthur discussed things like that. Mainly one of those times Uther would go on a tirade as they had lunch, and decided to impart some of his knowledge onto his son. Things he felt Arthur needed to be aware of, or look out for when he became king and would have to take over the persecution of witches.

But now…Gwen was that witch. Or so history would think. Just one more lost casualty that would never be spoken of again…

Uther did not seem to believe her, even if she spoke the god-honest truth. He looked down at her with hatred in his eyes, behaving as if he wished she'd go up in flames right before his eyes. A fitting end for a witch so evil that the truth would be her own undoing, "It was found in your house, witch. Undo this wicked enchantment and put an end to this plague of contagion." Uther was steely in his resolve so no amount of claiming innocence would have been able to change his mind. Witches were known liars. Gwen could have sworn the truth of her innocence on a stack of bibles, and the king would wait gleefully for the pureness of them to burn her for daring to be so evil and yet touch something so good. And if she did not burn the second her fingertips graced on the covers, Uther would have just claimed her magic was protecting her.

But Gwen…Gwen didn't dare budge off of her bruised knees even as her face contorted to show her shock. In her house? The poultice was found…in her house? But she had none like that! She didn't…Gwen almost started to doubt her own memories. Maybe she'd done something after all, and that was what they'd found…no. That couldn't be it. She had cried herself to sleep at her father's bedside, and when she had woken up…he was healed. This was all there was too it.

"But I…I can't!" Gwen exclaimed, as she was forced back into the matter at hand. She was able to feel her resolve to stay strong during this start to waver. Because she wasn't that strong at all. She was just a girl, forced into something she didn't understand, seen as a liar wasting all of their time as she met eyes with others. Uther wanted her to undo that awful curse plaguing their city over the last three days…Gwen could feel her shoulders as they started to shake. Undo a curse…Gwen almost broke down then and there. If undoing a curse would lead to her freedom…then she was doomed. But she had already been on a path to doomed since she had been brought here against her will…hadn't she?

Gwen nearly flinched when Uther rose from his chair to look over her darkly, such a harsh look on his face that she almost feared Uther would take matters into his own hands, try to attack her for not complying with any of the outrageous charges stacked against her. But the king didn't. Instead, he started to pace-a slow and casual pace, as if he was just biding his time until her confession-in front of her. It was almost worse than him actually attacking her, because she didn't know what he would do next.

But finally, after many moments where Gwen was not the only tensed one-everybody else was as well as they waited for the king's next move-Uther spoke, his hands tucked behind his back, "I don't pretend to know why you've decided to do this curse. But know this, if you do not tell my how to stop it, then I will show you no mercy."

Gwen's mouth dropped open again as all this horror washed over her. "But I am not a witch, I don't know how to stop the illness!" she was pleading with him to believe her. To show any sight of mercy because his claims against her were unfounded. But there was none…there would never be none. Already she could feel the large lump growing in her throat, and her tears returning threatening to choke her. She didn't know magic, so she couldn't even fake her way out of this if she wanted too. But that would have only been a temporary solution in the long run anyway. How long would it have taken the king to realize his people were still getting sick? That Gwen-even if she'd been able to throw a few things into a bowl before chanting some nonsense words over it-had faked curing the city…she would just end up right back where she was. Only probably in iron chains the next time.

Uther whipped his head around to look down at her, and Gwen sunk in on herself when he started to loom over her in a threatening way, "If you will not undo your sorcery, then you'll force my hand and I must find you guilty-" as if he didn't already find her guilty. How cruel could a man be, offering to show her mercy if only she could undo something she never did in the first place. It was too much for her, and she could see her life literally going up in the flames around her.

"But I told you!" Gwen tried one more awfully desperate attempt at saving herself, throwing herself forward on scraped knees to beg for the king not to do this to her. But the guards reacted before she could even get close, and grabbed her by her arms. She cried out when they twisted her hands behind her back, and forcing her down more firmly on her knees. It was cold, the tears on her face, contrasting a sharpness to how flushed she was. She had a loud sob burst from her throat before trying again, her shoulders aching painfully from the position they had her in. "I've been a faithful citizen my entire life! Why…why would I go do something like thi-"

Uther interrupted her before she got to finish her question, turning away from her as if he'd already deemed her a lost cause, "Therefore, it is my duty to pronounce judgement." Uther was every bit the terrifying king he'd became known as these many years, making things all official as he gave his royal proclamation with the girl at his feet and his sentencing, "Under the circumstances of what has happened, I'll find that I have no choice but to sentence you to death."

Gwen felt the breath as it left her body, chest constricting so tightly that it was nothing less than a miracle that she hadn't passed out due to the pain. But passing out would have probably been better, a chance for her to be able to escape the nightmare that was her sudden reality. "…No…" she choked out, but barely able to get the word past her suddenly frighteningly dry lips. She…this couldn't have happened, not to her. She…she was to young to die, only nineteen winters old. She…Gwen was innocent! She was…she was…she was…but nobody believed her.

Uther continued talking, pretty much taking her shaking breathy 'no' as an admission of her guilt, "I can only hope that when you have died, then this awful illness will pass on with you." It was a common belief that killing any witch, causing their life force to leave behind the living world, would be enough to undo an enchantment they had cast. It severed off the connection the witch had with her magic, and causing the spell to be powerless. Caused it to be inactive, so to speak. It had saved many lives when they've discovered somebody had been cursed. And Uther could only hope the spell Gwen had cast to jumpstart this disease in the first place-since she was being so very uncooperative with undoing it-wasn't strong enough to defy their methods.

Hearing this seemed to jumpstart Gwen as she came back to life, "No!" She screamed, a heart wrenching scream that would have torn at the heartstrings of anybody, except for the king, it seemed. "NO!" she echoed, her body slumping forward as the two knights holding her arms behind her back, jerked her up to her feet. Her judgment had been cast, so she would be shackled in chains down beneath the castle, in the cells, until they prepared her execution.

Uther didn't bother with her, turning away in disgust now that he had proclaimed his final judgement

Gwen had seen witches be condemned many times before. She was usually by Morgana's side at every meeting, an every judgment, at every execution as they watched horrifyingly from her window's. She would be sickened by the display, almost able to smell the horrible stench of burning flesh, the piercing screams as one suffered a fate that would be worse than actually dying. But now, she was on the other side of things. She was the one who'd be tied down to the execution's platform, her neck being fitted onto the stand. Before the ax came down on her neck. And those were only if they went by those options instead of a standard hanging with a noose around her neck.

She couldn't stand it as another sob broke past her lips, not even trying to hold herself together. There was no point. She wouldn't live past another day or two, however long it took to decide how she would die.

Uther decided that Gwen's sobbing was utter nonsense and gave him nothing more than an annoying migraine. He waved his hand off at the guards, "Take her away." he commanded. He would be feeling pretty good about what he had done, once the witch was out of mind, out of sight. He might not have convinced the girl her best interest would be to undo what sorcery she had cast. But he 'had' gotten one more witch off his streets before she could infect anybody else with her wickedness.

The guard still standing by the door gave this three loud knocks against the surface, which gave the signal to Justin and Derrick standing on the other side. The two guards with a tight grip on Gwen practically picked her up off her feet and started carrying her to the doors as they swung open.

"Please, no! I'm innocent, please no! Please help me!" Gwen screamed her head off the whole way down the length of the room. Her head whipped around frantically, connecting on Uther's back. And then Morgana, looking just as panicked and worried as Gwen herself was feeling. And then to Arthur, who only hid his eyes from her.

Arthur…Arthur averted his eyes as he brought a hand up to rub harshly at his nose. He was trying so hard to believe his father was doing the right thing. That as king, he had to make these kinds of hard decisions. But…he found it harder than he thought it would be to watch this. Merlin…Merlin had caused him to be conflicted on the matter. Arthur had been so sure of himself when he'd first found that poultice. But then seeing Gwen's reaction to being accused of the curse…something with all of this just didn't smell right. Gwen, sweet little Gwen, setting off a curse and killing the dozens of people who had already died in the streets?

If Arthur hadn't seen the poultice inside her home…

"Please! I beg you! No!" Gwen shrieked, the young handmaiden-or was it, prisoner, now-letting out another heart wrenching sob while the guards pulled her out of the room. Gwen was making a scene, and they would fix that by locked her away in the deepest, darkest pit of the dungeons. The coldest and iciest one of them all, just to hear her finally shut up.

…Could, Arthur thought as he squeezed with more harshness at the top of his nose, there have been some kind of mistake? It seemed like it would be pretty hard to fake that kind of level of innocence.

X

Merlin squeezed his eyes tightly shut, trying to block everything out as he was slumping against the thick pillar he hid behind. It hadn't been too hard for him to climb out his window once he'd gotten his sheets all knotted back together again. He was getting pretty good at it, climbing out his window without anybody noticing him, if he did say so himself. And the throne room wasn't really closed off, as there was many side corridors leading in and out of the room besides just the main doorway. The corridors were mainly known to be used as a servants walkway, so the servants could do their cleaning duties without being seen or heard by the higher up members of society.

Nobody had even batted an eye with he had slunk in and ducked behind this pillar. But he figured that was only because everybody had been far too busy listening to Gwen cry while the king tried to force false truths from her.

And now…now, Merlin was surprised he was still standing. His eyes squeezed so tight that he could practically feel the tears leaking out from them. He…Gwen…Merlin had came here with such good intentions. The entire time he had been hurrying here, all he could think of was how he was going to burst into the room and demand that they take him instead. He'd confess the truth, but he'd go quietly if they'd agree Gwen was an unknowing participant in his spell casting.

But then he had gotten here, and saw more people then just Arthur, Gwen, and the King in the room. And…he froze. Something in him had seized up, even his lungs felt like they'd stopped working. And he hadn't been able to do nothing but watch Gwen take a sentence in his place. The thing his mother had warned him could happen if he got too careless with his own magic. The thing he'd watched that Thomas guy be executed for…he should be the one on the chopping block. Not her…not Gwen. Even with that thought roaring inside his mind, Merlin hadn't budged. Like he was some kind of unsung coward, only watching out for himself while letting other's take the fall for what he had done.

Fuck, he just wanted to punch this pillar as hard as he could. Like he had punched that tree when he'd first been journeying across the forest to Camelot city. All he'd done was bust up his knuckles back then. But he was interested in doing something so much more than a busted knuckle. He wanted to hear the snapping and the crack as he broke bones, a deep seated need to hurt himself physically as much as he had hurt Gwen.

Merlin felt this deep inadequacy and shame about himself because of far to many things. His inability to be any kind of decent consort was one of them, constantly at war with him wanting to be 'himself' instead of whoever this kingdom was trying to force him to be. It was a shame that was only outweighed by his magic. By being different. By being abnormal. Being a freak. A…monster. He had moments where he felt like he was barely able to hold onto himself. And most days, he was usually able to hide his share well.

He rebelled against the standards of being a consort. When told he could have whatever it was he wanted, he went and got a job. When he was told he was going to marry Arthur, he didn't let that stop him from accepting a little flower from Gwen. When Arthur decided that he could tell Merlin what to do, he moved out and struck out against the world on his own.

Well, with his uncle at least.

He rebelled against what people said about magic users. Calling that monsters…he could admit he also called himself that. But at least he tried to do better, be better…help people even if they would never know it was him. It made him feel good, like he was making this difference in the world.

Well, he sure was making a difference within Gwen's world.

He…Merlin had never felt more shame about himself like he did now. How he had just sat here and 'watched' as those knights did their job and dragged Gwen away. He hadn't even tried to lift a hand to help her, not to help her escape. Hadn't taken a step out to go reveal himself. His mother's longtime words: protect yourself, imparted in his memories. They had kept him standing there like nothing but this lump of wood just waiting to be chopped off at the hilt…

He…Merlin's breath started to hitch, coming out faster and faster in this gasping motion as his chest heaved. He didn't want to be in this room, he couldn't stomach knowing he'd been a coward any longer. The walls almost felt as if they were closing in on themselves. And even his hands were starting to shake as he could feel the beginning of a panic attack starting up . He couldn't be here, couldn't be found in a full blown panic.

X

The loud crash pretty much startled the three royal's still left in the room, their heads were whipping around at the noise. But all that was there was an empty archive half hidden by a pillar. Arthur even offered to check it out with a cautious look towards the shadowed hole in the wall. But Uther washed it off, "It was most likely just a servant. If they'd witnessed what has occurred, then we'll be better off for it. I am sure they will spread the news that one of their own is to be executed soon."

Arthur didn't much like that, but he couldn't find fault in his father's reasoning. It wasn't like Gwen's arrest had been a secret, he had all but made a public spectacle by having her carted throughout the castle. And it was only a matter of time before her sentence became official. Everyone would know once they got the execution's platform at the ready. So who cared if one random servant spread the word for them. It would at least give some people a chance to shield the children before the main event…

Morgana didn't handle the news great though because she whipped around back around to face the king now that she knew they weren't about to be assassinated, "Please, sire." The Lady started in a pleading tone. Usually, she would be full of righteous fury on the behalf of anybody who had managed to get onto the king's bad side. His punishments were always to the extreme, and Morgana vowed to be the one to defend his victims. But this was far too personal for her, there was no place for anger when she needed to appeal to the king's own kindness…if he had any. She reached out and grabbed onto his sleeve when it appeared he was ignoring her. "She's my maidservant, not an enchantress."

Morgana hoped reminding the king of Gwen's low station would appeal to Uther's common sense. Sure, most sorcerer's set to be sent to the execution's platform was more often than not the lower born. But even they seemed to be more of the riffraff variety. Dirty common people that riddled near homelessness in the streets. Not somebody like Gwen. Who was a castle servant, who had a steady job and was usually well liked by the people. Did a person like that sound like the usual sorcerer that got captured?

Uther pulled his arm free of his ward's grip on his sleeve, not allowing himself to fall victim to her female wiles, "Have you ever seen an enchantress?" He demanded, but he already knew that she nor Arthur had. He'd burned hundreds of witches in front of them and the entire kingdom. But enchantress happened to be an entirely different breed of sorcery. It was regular witches that did just an odd bit of spell casting here and there. But enchantress manipulated the sources around them. It was a sickness like this that was right up their alley. Uther shook his head despairingly that such evil existed in their world, and how naive his ward was to believe her maidservant was not capable of turning traitor. "Believe me as I tell you, they bare no sign or mark. They have no trace of evil in their eyes, and can be quite smooth with their words. Make even yourself believe that they are a friend, only for them to stab you in the back at their convenience."

Uther was speaking from experience knowing first hand the trickery that enchantress's and the like could cause. He'd lived through that betrayal himself, and never wanted to see the same harm come to his ward or heir. This was why Uther strived to make the world a much safer place for them. So they wouldn't make the same mistakes he did by trusting those sorts of people. But…how easy things would be if those with wickedness in their blood did have some kind of mark that could warn the world what they were before they got to be to close. Back during his grandfather's time, the people used to believe being born having this mole meant that you were destined to follow the path of magic.

Uther had a mole himself, so that theory has long since been disproven. Especially since the king didn't hold with such nonsense like someone being 'born' with magic. No, people choose to use magic. They choose to try and take the easy way out of their problems while forsaking their humanity to do so. Disgusting barbaric people who couldn't grit down their teeth and fix things the normal way. A human way. Natural. No. The only sure way to know you've got a magic user was too catch them in the act. Like finding a golden poultice right inside their home. Or seeing the golden hue their eyes shifted as they did their trickery.

Devil's work, he thought of it as.

"But Gwen isn't like that." Morgana protested greatly, her voice growing desperate for her king to hear her. To believe her. To trust that she knew Gwen's heart better than the king could possibly know her evil. "I have always been sitting there as the girl does her work. I write in my journals as she tends to her daily chores. Her fingers are won from scrubbing my floors clean, her nails are broken from her washing my clothing. If she was a sorceress, why would she do any of that-"

Arthur briefly considered that Gwen probably did all of that to keep her cover. One couldn't exactly use magic to get through many of the chores they had without expecting they'd get caught. Eventually, somebody would start to catch on to it. Like maybe the timing wouldn't add up, chores being finished far faster than they should be. Or maybe somebody walks in at the wrong moment and catches…catches…clothes! Flying through the air as they were washing themselves. Or something ridiculous like that. No. Any smart sorcerer servant may just find it easier to continue playing the part of a maid. But obviously, Gwen must have got lax in her hiding…unless she'd only done that one spell for her father. Which was looking as if it was the answer as the minutes passed by to Arthur.

Morgana continued her tirade, trying to point out how wrong the king was for such a harsh sentence when there was so many questions yet unanswered, "Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning while she fixes my fire to warm the room before the time she wakes me. Why, when she's capable of making those things happen with just this one snap of her fingers."

And Arthur brought his hand down to bite on his thumbnail. Morgana was doing all of this fighting to advocate for her handmaiden and Arthur bit down harder on his thumbnail. This would probably be a good time to admit that he was having his own doubts as well. Surely Gwen didn't deserve to die, not if she'd only used magic to heal her father. Even if magic was evil and shouldn't be tolerated, shouldn't they allow one kind of allowance considering the circumstances. If the positions happened to be reverse and Arthur's father was the one to catch the sick…would he have considered the same option? Well…he definitely wouldn't have gone through with it. But Gwen was also just a serving girl. It made sense that options would have been more limited. She probably felt as if she had no choice 'but' to resort to magic if she wanted to save her father.

Arthur could understand that at least.

But Morgana only appeared to have gotten more agitated, because Uther was showing no empathy towards her plight. Her lips were curled up like a feral animal, "At least she had tried to do something, even if she used the wrong methods! Completely different from a king who sits by idly!"

Arthur knew as soon as the words had left her lips, that this was the exact wrong thing to say. Already, Uther's head was whipping around to glare harshly at his ward. Looking as if he wished he could punish her the same as he has Gwen, "You have no right to talk to me like that! To make that unfounded remark-" if only, Uther thought, Morgana was able to understand just how dangerous those with a magical affinity could be. Instead of all those fanatical ideas in her head where magic users were just 'misunderstood' or whatever she is thinking this week. Just because Gwen could look innocent didn't mean she was. Hell, even his own ward-as ridiculous as it was-could've been a witch. Innocent and naive as she was, Morgana probably could have inflicted a pain onto everyone if she had been stuck with that curse…that was a witch's greatest power. The ability to blend in naturally, and go unnoticed among a crowd. He would not allow his ward and heir to fall victim to their trickery, even if he had to drill it into his ward's fool head!

"And-" Morgana shouted back, looking just as wild as the king as she threw her hand out to gesture to the door the guards had gone dragging her friend through. "You have not a right to cast judgment on that girl!" Morgana figured Uther was just letting his blind rage to magic blind him from seeking other answers to his problems. The king would gladly throw anybody under the pyre firelight as long as it got the message across. No witch would get a chance at life. Even a false witch accused, Uther took no chances even if it would ruin his kingdom and the faith the people had in his ruling. His staple-an iron fist demanding nonexistent respect. And Morgana…Morgana was the only one who could try to show him reason. Even if he rarely listened to her, she at least knew he wouldn't set her to die in the flames of false retribution.

"I have a responsibility to take care of this kingdom!" Uther roared at her, refusing for his ward to question his judgment on the matter like she always did. Arthur didn't talk during all of this but god, did he find that he wanted too. Arthur could see that they were just upholding the laws of their kingdom but…were the laws really right considering Gwen hadn't actually hurt anybody. And used what she had found to help her father. Could it be possible that magic could be…used to help. It was such an outrageous notion that he went ahead and dismissed it. Magic was evil, but…it didn't mean that Gwen had meant to do evil with it… "I'm not taking any pleasure by doing this." The king finished, agitation lacing down through his words.

But Morgana was just as stubborn as the king which wasn't always a good thing, because it often left Arthur stuck in the middle, the lady stepping forward and her tone going pleading and less angered as she realized the tempers flying would do nothing, "But you are going to be sentencing the wrong person! The one who should pay is the one who cast the curse in the first place. Gwen might have used it to heal her father, but she didn't start a curse!"

The longer this arguing went on, the more the prince realized he might be forced to play the mediator, a role that he often found himself in when the two fought. Merlin thought he had a temper, but he had clearly never gotten onto the wrong side of Morgana and Uther. Arthur sighed deeply, forcing himself to admit that it wasn't okay for him to stand here and watch the fight as it commenced. Was he a prince or not, protector of his people and all of that that came with the job? Gwen had just made a mistake, one nobody could really fault her for if things had been as dire as they looked like. They couldn't kill her over a…mistake. It was like a conspiracy was being cast over the prince. Merlin begging him for help, backing it up with possible facts that Arthur had been ignoring in favor of catching his witch. Now, it was Morgana advocating for Gwen. It wasn't there place to fight for their people if Arthur thought something was wrong…it was his…

"She's right, father." Arthur spoke up before a more involved fight could commence. Usually he was the one to try and talk things out with Morgana, to calm her and placate her when it was the king she saw, doing something she'd thought was wrong. This was probably one of the very few-if ever-times he had decided on going 'against' Uther. Morgana's head would whip around, looking at him with those dark eyes of hers, wide with surprise. But the blue eyed prince didn't dare look at her, keeping a hard expression as he locked eyes with Uther Pendragon. "You'll hear the word magic, and will no longer listen to anything."

Morgana had spoken up and something in her words had spoken to him. Merlin had let go of his anger and whatever other tension he and Arthur have between them to make what he wanted clear. This was the first time the brat 'wanted' something from him, and Arthur hadn't jumped on the opportunity to show he could provide for Merlin. This was a bit more 'emotional' support than he would have preferred but…Arthur was only shamed that he hadn't spoken up sooner. Especially considering Arthur felt better about making his own views on the situation known, rather than keeping silent and to himself.

Uther glowered at him, betrayal shining in his eyes just because his heir had this different viewpoint from his own, "You saw what she was doing for yourself! She was using those enchantments!"

Arthur wasn't exactly going to lie and recant what he'd seen. Not only did he have guards as his witnesses, he could still feel the brush of that magic trying to coat his skin. And the prince hadn't even been standing near close enough that he should. That was how awfully powerful it was, how disturbingly disgusting it was…that view didn't change just because he knew Gwen was behind the cause of it. But it did make him see things a little different, and Arthur didn't want to waste his time trying to dictate what should be done about Gwen as they still had a killer on the loose. Gwen, the prince knew, didn't have it in her to do a thing like the curse. He could see that in her eyes as she was being charged with it…

"Yeah, so she was." Arthur agreed, heavily. It was a tougher call than he would have liked since this whole situation was delicate, but he knew it was the right thing to do. So, he ran with it, admitting what he had only been thinking in his head so far. "But she only did it to save her dying father-" would Arthur have gone so far and done the same-he wondered for the umpteenth time-even while knowing his father would hate him for it if he learned the truth. "But that doesn't make her guilty of creating a plague. One is this act of kindness and love-" 'Merlin grasping for him, fighting a hold Gaius had on him, eyes looking so vivid as the tears started up again, screaming that Arthur had to help stop this.' "And the other is evil-" the bodies covered in white sheets that decorated his courtyard. His men couldn't go out and train, mostly out of respect for those who had fallen as the city fell deep into a high alert. And…his men pointing their crossbows at unarmed citizens on the other side of the drawbridge, something he hadn't noticed as wrong until Merlin had pointed it out for him. "I don't believe that evil is in this girl's heart." He finished off.

Arthur had no problems with sentencing the real witch, no problem with being the one to put the witch who had started this mess and threatened his people out of their misery. But Gwen wasn't a real witch just because she'd done one spell out of desperation. If the King was going to execute her just because she'd gotten desperate when the royal family failed her by not being quick enough to protect her and her family, then how were they any better than the witch that set the sickness onto the city? Was it fair that Gwen-the sweet little girl that somehow had the ward of the king and the consort to the prince, fighting to keep her alive-was being out to death? While the killer hidden in their kingdom was still god-knows-where, and breathing free air?

How was that justice? How had Arthur kept his eyes closed instead of seeing what they were really doing-punishing the first person they found to take fault for the crime. Was it okay to punish just anybody? Arthur didn't think it was. And Merlin begging him to 'open his eyes' had been the start of him realizing that…

The King didn't seem to care much for Arthur or his reasoning, the betrayal still remained in his eyes as if he thought Arthur should listen to his every beck and call without doing any of this questioning or debating. Uther put his hand on the back of his throne chair, glaring at the prince as he lowered his voice to speak to him harshly, "I have witnessed the evil that witchcraft is capable of-" which was nothing shocking. Arthur and Morgana had heard all of it before. When they had both been young enough that their questions were nothing but childish inquiries rather than developing any viewpoints of their own. "I have suffered at its hand. I cannot take that chance. If there is the slightest doubt about this girl, she must die or the whole kingdom may perish."

But that was the thing. Arthur was full of that doubt, now that he'd taken a moment to think that this was another 'life' on the line. He had already failed fifty people for not being able to put a stop to this. But that didn't mean that he had to fail Gwen. Because while yes, there was still questions like-how did Gwen even know how to do a healing spell to begin with-there was also reasonable doubt that she had been working alone.

"I understand that." Arthur said, speaking in a calm and rational tone as to not set his father over the edge by coming right at him. He was fully aware of how much suffering-even if the king was vague on most of the details-Uther had been through before he was born. Even now, it had clearly left a mental scar onto the king, the way the pain and anguish lingered in his eyes when he'd spoken just now. But…the prince felt as if Uther was just taking all of the anger and hatred he had for magic users out on Gwen, who didn't deserve such a drastic punishment for trying to save her family. But his father's suffering didn't alleviate what he thought was the right thing to do.

Uther seemed to be the picture of calm as he took his seat back in his throne, looking down his nose at his son as if he was just one child making childish decisions based on emotions that he thought shouldn't exist. Instead of his son being a grown man who knew the risks or choices that was expected of him, before his heir decided to go a different path.

"One day, you'll take my place as the king of our country." The king spoke slowly, bound and determined to mold his son into a proper leader, a king he knew would keep their city flourishing just like he has. But some things couldn't be taught, the key knew. There were some things that just good old experience would clear his son's head onto the rightful way to do things. How no mercy for anyone who decided to dabble in magic was the only way to destroy this breed of people. "When a day like that comes, then you will understand why I make the decisions I do. There are dark forces that threaten this kingdom, and I need to be able to protect our people from them!"

Uther didn't dare mention what briefly came to mind. The boy. The boy was probably the darkest force there was in the kingdom. Or at least, he was the spawn of one. The boy was only still alive because of Uther's good grace. But he was still watching him, especially with all this sorcery and magic running around his kingdom this past week. If the boy ever tried to follow in his father's footsteps and toy with the idea of magic…maybe this 'friend' of his would be just the warning Merlin needed to not step out of line…

"I know that witchcraft is evil, father." Arthur interrupted, before his father could get too far into his mindset. Arthur had practically been fed that line everyday since he'd been born, knew it better than he knew the back of his hand. Hell, Uther had even taken the time out of his day to take Arthur away from the daily lessons of his childhood to impart that knowledge onto him. The farmer that used a bit of magic to make his crops grow? An evil being, because that took away the pride and integrity of an actual farmer who did the hard work. The young girl who claimed the jewelry she sold was crafted with magic, needed to be burned for trying to profit off of anybody who thought a sparkling jewel would get your true love's attention. The elderly man who'd used magic to stop this burning house from collapsing and saving the child trapped in it's walls? Burned on the pyre because obviously he must have started the fire, and only put it out in an attempt to play hero. And that was just a few examples of things Arthur had saw in his youth. "But so is injustice. Yes, I will be king someday, and I do not know yet exactly what kind of king that I will be. But, I do know the kind of Camelot I would want to live in-"

It was ironic, considering how Arthur often treated his people-with contempt or even arrogance-that he was fighting so hard just to stop the death of one serving girl. But he…Arthur wanted to be able to go back, look the boy in the eye, and tell him that he'd fought a good fight, fought like he had a fire brimming in his soul. After going this far, Arthur found himself not wanting to go back and see that disappointment flooding Merlin whenever he realized Arthur hadn't been successful. But it was more than that as well, Arthur realized in a startling clarity. He wasn't fighting so hard just for Merlin's sake, to protect his mental well being the only way he could since he had failed so epically physically (Valiant) . But he was doing this because it was the-right-thing to do. And if it got Merlin to show him a bit of gratitude, then that would just be a bonus.

Arthur pushed his shoulders back, his steely blue eyes locking in on his father's to show just how serious he was, "It would be one where the punishment fits the crime." And no matter how his father tried to spin it, this had no justice. Gwen using magic to save the life should not warrant the same punishment as the real enchantress that had caused deaths of many.

Uther sat up straighter in his chair, looking as if he'd finally came to some kind of epiphany, as if Arthur had finally said the one thing he'd wanted to hear. Arthur was actually feeling pretty good about himself, feeling like he had proven to his father that he was a man with a good morale standing. Who had opinions and was brave enough to voice them, even to his own very opinionated father.

"I fear that you might be right," Uther said, as he pushed himself up out of his chair. He was picking up a silver goblet perched right onto the edge of the arm, a bit of leftover wine he had been sipping on while he waited for the processings to start. Arthur's proud look was starting to slip when Uther lifted his goblet up to him in a mockery of a toast. "She's played with fire, so sadly, it's only fitting that she be dead by fire."

Uther brought his goblet up to his lips before drinking deeply in front of the children, acting as if they were celebrating something that is wonderful, rather than the somber event that it was. Arthur and Morgana's head whipped around to face the other with equal looks of horror on their faces as the king strode past them and left the room.

Morgana's eyes immediately filled up with a round of harsh tears. She had trusted Arthur after he started speaking up, had trusted the prince to do something about this injustice as it happened to Gwen. But he'd failed her. The Lady spun on her heels and hurried from the room to hide herself as her sons echoed out in the hall.

Arthur didn't follow, sure that he would make everything worse if he tried to talk to her. He looked heavenward, wondering where he had gone wrong. He wanted to let out a stream of curses that would match Merlin's usual. How had he misread the situation, when had Uther started to lose interest in Arthur and what he was saying.

All Arthur wanted to do-beside punching the wall until he felt better, but all that would do was lead him to Gaius with a broken fist. He would be there…Merlin…and Arthur couldn't see him like that-was live in a kingdom that was fair and just. No. He couldn't tell Merlin he'd failed. There had to be something that he could do to savage this. Something that he could do to help Gwen.

Arthur started pacing the room, content with the privacy the throne room is providing him with while he was still so agitated. He'd stay in here for as long as he had to, until he was able to figure out a better solution. Until he was able to approach Merlin and shove in his face that Arthur had done something right for him. He would not fail this. He 'would' provide Merlin with the 'one' bloody thing that he had wanted from Arthur.

Arthur's intentions might be a 'bit' misguided due to the main reason why he was trying so hard to give the handmaiden her freedom. He didn't know it, but this fiery determination to show Merlin he could give him what he would want from him, was only the beginning. This decision to save Gwen was only the first step to the king of man he could become.

Even if it started out as Arthur trying to prove something to Merlin.

X

Merlin cried out loudly, landing roughly onto his shoulder. He was almost afraid that he'd broken it or dislocated it or something. It was burning in his arm socket and the pain shot down through his arm. But then again, maybe he had just bruised it. Everyone of his senses felt as if it had been dialed up to an eleven as it strained his senses.

"Merlin? Merlin!" Gaius rushed into the room after hearing the loud thump Merlin made as he climbed back in through his window. The thump had been enough to start shaking the floor. Merlin barely heard him though, having absolutely no memory of running through the castle-although the many bruises decorating his upper arms would suggest he'd ran into several walls along the way-and then scaling up the sheets to his window.

Merlin…Merlin couldn't breathe. He just knew he was going to pass out, he was starting to get black dots in the sides of his vision. And his chest was tight…so tight…

Merlin was vaguely aware of Gaius lifting him up and propping him up against the wall. But Merlin was like a lump of dead clay, shaking so hard his body was vibrating.

Gwen….

Gwen…

Gwen…

Needed him…

He couldn't help…

Couldn't breathe…

Gonna die…just like Gwen…

Struggling…

Was this what a heart attack felt like…?

No…Merlin was having another panic attack…

Someone…help him…but Merlin wouldn't deserve help, would he? Not after he had left Gwen to take what should have been 'his' punishment…

Merlin choked, cold and and freshly crisped liquid being dumped on top of his head. The boy cried out in shock, his eyes blinking with rapid need to clear the water from them. But Gaius was already there with a towel, rubbing harshly at Merlin's skin, making sure none of the water got into his mouth or eyes.

"I'm sorry," Gaius was saying as Merlin felt his ears clearing up. Before, he had felt like he'd had cotton in his ears and couldn't hear one thing being said to him. But now he could feel the rough cotton of the towel as Gaius fixed it over his head, rubbing it through his hair with rough motions to soak up the water. He could feel the cold floor beneath his butt, solid and firm. Something for Merlin to keep holding on to like some kind of lifeline.

"W-what…?" Merlin choked out, his throat started loosening up as his panic abated with the cold shock of water. He couldn't exactly understand what was going on, his brain was still working it's way out of the fog he'd found himself in.

"You were having a panic attack." Gaius said in a clinical tone he probably used amongst his patients. "Because you cannot drink any of the water, I still haven't found a way to get the poison out of the water supply, I dumped it on you instead. And now that you're clean, it didn't get into your system either." his uncle worked his arms up and down Merlin's arms, providing warmth and friction to the boy. He hadn't even realized he'd been shivering, as Gaius left the towel wrapped around over his shoulders.

"I…right…I was having a panic attack." Merlin repeated numbly, looking down at his knees curled up against his chest. It had overtaken him so suddenly, Merlin was surprised that he wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere. He had his shoulder throbbing, but now that he could breathe without feeling like he was breathing through a small tube, he could feel that it was probably just a bruise.

"Merlin, what on earth happened?" Gaius was demanding, giving his nephew one more rub down his arms before letting go. He was just relieved Merlin had came home, he had been positive the boy was going to do something incredibly stupid. Like offer himself in Gwen's place, which wouldn't help anything. But the physician most definitely did not like the state Merlin had returned to him in.

At the reminder, Merlin's expected his eyes to flood with tears again. He had been crying on and off ever since Gwen's arrest, but now he figured he'd probably cried himself out. Now, he was just numb to everything that went on around him. But at least he wasn't falling into another panic attack, desperate and seeking help but being helpless to do anything that'll help himself.

"I thought I was doing good," Merlin spoke in a distant tone. He stared blankly-seeing but not really seeing anything at all, feeling as if he was talking more to himself than his uncle who watched him worriedly. He clenched his fingers restlessly around the towel, feeling as the dampness slid through his fingers. Merlin only vaguely remembered that it was a good thing none of it 'had' gotten into his system, even if his hair still felt damp, hanging down into his eyes to shadow his face. Looking like a street urchin, more than a consort. Gaius had taken a huge risk with the water, but he'd water it instead of the never ending panic as his world closed in around him. Merlin made sure to keep on talking, even over the sound of his own heart shattering, "And curing her father would help her. All I could see was that I was saving a life. I have a power, so I should use it to help people. I didn't realize by trying to help somebody, I could make things get so much worse. And now, Gwen is going to get executed soon. It's not as simple as I thought it was, is it?"

The question was rhetorical, because magic was never simple. Things seemed so much easier in Ealdor. When he just had to stutter his excuses whenever some odd occurrence happened around here. Ealdor didn't have an official law force like here, where occurrences were investigated until they had the culprit in their hands. Or wannabe culprit. Merlin had made all of the wrong choices since coming to Camelot. But this was the first choice that had such lasting consequences. And Merlin just wanted to curl up into a ball and go die when Gwen does.

"An easy solution is like a light in the storm, Merlin." Gaius spoke up. He could see that Merlin did not need another lecture from him, not with the beaten up way he appeared. And sometimes, people needed to know they had been heard. "You'll rush for the light at your own peril. But it might not always leads you to a safe harbor."

Merlin ducked his head down, and rested his chin down on top of his knees. If Gaius would tell him something like that any old time, then Merlin would have absolutely no idea what he was talking about. But after the last day or so he'd had, he could understand it with perfect clarity. He'd ran to save Gwen's father like he was a lighthouse in the midst of a storm, and his safety would guide Merlin into what it was he wanted to do with his life. The same thing when Merlin had raced off to save Gwen. He had thought of saving her like the light to this endless tunnel that would absolve him from completely traumatizing her for not thinking through his actions first. But the safe harbor wasn't there because Merlin didn't reach out to give Gwen the life raft when he'd had the chance. He'd taken it for himself and ran off with it while leaving Gwen to drown within the sea of his mistakes. "…I understand what you mean, now."

Gaius nodded his head, sitting back onto his hunches to tilt his head and observe Merlin at his worse. Merlin hadn't even looked this bad when he'd been crying to Gaius in his Royal suite, back when he'd been freaking out over being married to Arthur. Back then, Gaius had managed to distract him with his very first ever magic book. That tactic didn't seem like it would work so much in this situation. Gaius ended up sighing, "I suppose I don't need to warn you anymore, about the responsibilities that come with being a warlock?"

Merlin didn't answer verbally, although he did shake his head no, not looking up from where he was playing limply with his fingers. No, he didn't need to hear anymore about what his responsibilities as a warlock was. Completely different from his responsibilities as a consort but he can't run from being a warlock. Merlin 'was' a warlock, something that was hiding in his very blood. Hiding, he said, because it felt as if he'd suppressed his magic completely in the pit of his core. He could barely feel any of the wiggling freedom as it would warm up his skin quite nicely.

Neither Gaius nor Merlin said anything for the next several minutes. The physician moved to sit beside his nephew, who only tightened up himself in his ball. But other than that, it was complete silence as they got lost within their own minds and thoughts. Gaius on how sad he was that Merlin had to learn these things the hard way. And Merlin, well…Merlin was getting himself more and more depressed as the minutes past. Like a true depression, the kind where he felt like he was lost in an dark fog. A never ending one, where Merlin didn't even register the time he'd sat there. It could have been days, minutes, or even just hours for all he knew or cared.

His mind was firmly entrapped on Gwen.

Trying to find her through the dark enclosing fog all around him. Screaming her name in his head and begging her to come out. Yelling for how sorry he was, telling her he wished he'd never saved her father. Not when the price to do it was so incredibly high. A price he wasn't expecting to pay because as far as anybody knew, he was innocent in the situation…

Merlin hated that word in this moment, most vile word he could think of: innocent. Merlin had 'never' been innocent, even if he often gave people that impression. But it was hard to maintain any kind of innocence when his very presence was a risk to not only himself, but to anybody who came in close contact with him. He probably shouldn't even be here now, Gaius would probably just end up being next. He still couldn't bring himself to get up and move.

Merlin feared if he did, he might give into the urge to jump out his window. And he wouldn't be using the rope to get down. Not when he thought it was a much better option to go out head down. Maybe if he was lucky, he would break his neck-brain matter splattering over the cobblestone ground-and it would all end suddenly and painlessly. He wouldn't have to watch Gwen take his punishment. He would not be a disappointment to Gaius. He would have to wonder how his mother was doing by herself in Ealdor. He wouldn't be continuously disappointed by his own husband…

But…Merlin didn't want to die either. Even if it seemed like the easier option. That would be the better choice, surely. He wouldn't be the 'worse' consort known to the kingdom, would not be the one whose 'destiny' it was too help bring magic back to the kingdom. Some false hope like that was almost the worse because it gave him something to live for. Something that was never going to happen from the way things were, throwing the book at a longtime servant of Camelot…

But…Merlin 'still' did not want to die.

He had to claw his way out of this, had to…what the hell was he supposed to do?

Merlin licked at his achingly dry lips, his voice sounded all croaky when he finally spoke, still staring distantly at the floor beneath him, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do now." he admitted his failings. He'd allowed his fears to control him, allowed himself to run away from Uther and that room as fast as he could while he was in a mind blown panic. But what was he panicking about? Gwen…Gwen must be so cold and confused. Locked down in a prison cell that should have had Merlin's name over it. Probably the same cell Arthur and his three no good friends tried to shove him in before Leon had 'rescued' him.

At least he'd deserve it…

Gaius wrapped an arm around Merlin's shaky shoulders, he was shivering all over again but it had absolutely nothing to do with the cold of the water slow dripping off his hairline and down the side of his cheek. It would probably be a good idea for him to wipe it off. He might not be drinking it but surely having some kind of exposure was still a bad thing. He may still want to throw himself out his window since he made no move to wipe it off.

"What's done is done." Gaius said softly as he squeezed Merlin around his shoulders and into his side. Merlin had clearly been through the ringer, and learned his lesson in a tougher way that Gaius would have wanted. He gave an almighty sigh and rubbed Merlin's arm, "I for one, am glad that you didn't end up doing something stupid. Throwing yourself into the fire wouldn't have helped anybody."

Merlin perked his head up off his chin but did not look at his uncle, "It would have helped her…" before Merlin could think how his next move probably wouldn't help anything, he'd jumped up, nearly knocking Gaius over in his haste to get to his feet. "I have to see her," he decided, already making his way towards his window. Not to jump out of it like his thoughts of darkness would have suggested, but he'd planned to climb down the rope still hanging out his window. He couldn't risk Gregory who was still guarding the front door, going out of his way to try and stop him. The way he felt, Merlin could've taken an army of guards who tried to stop him.

"Merlin, wait-" Gaius protested as his nephew grabbed a hold of the window, ready to swing his leg over. But Merlin didn't have an interest in waiting. Just like Uther had drilled into the prince's head that it was his duty to protect the people from magic, executing them as the only means to do so, Merlin's mother had drilled it into his head that his only duty was to protect his secret. That no matter the cost of it, Merlin had to keep his magic to himself.

"I can't! I have to go to her!" Merlin exclaimed as he swung his leg over the window, holding onto the white sheet rope. Merlin had a one track mind of determination. The least Merlin could do, after chickening out in front of the king's wrath, was face Gwen himself. Forget about protecting his secret, he had to tell her what was going on. Explain to her what he'd done, beg for her forgiveness…something!

But before Gaius was able to grab Merlin by the waist and wrestle him back inside of the room, there was a loud knock coming from the door downstairs. Both Gaius and Merlin whipped around to look at Merlin's opened doorway, frozen in horror over who that could be…