Wow. Just…wow. I'm almost speechless, which is a rarity for someone as verbose as me. But…my goodness. I just…thank you. Thank all of you so much. The response to chapter 18 was beyond anything I would have dared to hope for. We've officially reached and passed the 500 review milestone at not even 20 chapters in. As much time and effort and emotion as I've put into writing this, it's really great to feel that all of you have invested just as much.
Without further blubbering from me, let's begin from where we left off.
No mini-history lesson for today, but feel free to PM me if you have questions about anything.
Time seemed to stop. Perhaps it was broken. That was the only way that Kagome could think to describe to the discordance of the moment.
Inuyasha allowed the courtiers not even the time to draw breath to argue, hefting his sword meaningfully and declaring the meeting over scarce seconds after he had finished his business.
Not that the courtiers seemed as if they would argue. Many of them gaped still, frozen as they attempted to comprehend the fact that hundreds of years of tradition had been cut down before their very eyes. Kagome might have found the sight comical, if she had had enough of her wits about her to appreciate it.
As it was, she found herself taken firmly by the wrist and dragged from the Daigokuden. The moment they were outside the building she was taken up, and in what seemed the space of only a few bounds to her frazzled mind they were inside the Dairi.
A few more tugs brought her within the confines of Inuyasha's chambers in the Jijūden. She blinked several times, looking blankly about the disordered room.
And then Inuyasha came into her line of sight, his grin fiercely triumphant, and the utter reality of the situation nearly winded her.
"Did you see their faces?" he crowed, hefting Tessaiga with one hand to gaze at the fang with newfound appreciation. "As soon as they saw I had the old man's sword it was over. They couldn't say a single fucking word. Kami, that was...that was…"
His gaze turned to her, as if he expected her to complete the sentiment for him. Some of the enthusiasm drained from him at the stark disbelief of her expression. His mirth dimmed a notch as he took a step towards her.
"Kagome…"
It was not a conscious decision. It was not even a half-formed notion.
Nonetheless, Kagome's palm connected solidly with the side of his face.
"What were you thinking?" she yelled, her anger igniting to an abrupt blaze. "How could you do that, Inuyasha! Have you any idea of what you've just done?"
It was his turn to gape, his brows drawing together incredulously as his cheek reddened. A disbelieving huff escaped him, his mouth working soundlessly for long moments. Kagome bit her lip, her glower intensifying as she awaited an answer. Her fists were clenched so tightly her nails felt as if they might puncture the skin of her palms.
"What in the seven hells, wench?" he ground out at last, his ire rising to match hers. He drew even closer to her, looming menacingly above her slight figure.
Kagome's hand shot out, attempting to shove him angrily and ineffectively out of her space.
"Don't you dare snap at me, not now," she hissed, drawing up to her full height in turn. "You were supposed to act strategically! You were supposed to give the courtiers time to calm down! You weren't supposed to destroy everything! You've practically challenged them to take the throne from you! What could have possessed you to-?"
But she bit her tongue before the rest of that sentiment could escape her. She knew why he had done it. Knew it with a certainty that frightened her. Hearing it spoken aloud was not something she was equal to at the moment.
"How could you?" she continued instead. "How could you risk everything we've been working for?"
"I defended you!" he said, his face perilously close to her own. "I stood up for your people! I even spoke the fucking way you taught me! And now you have the nerve to pull this shit with me?"
"I don't recall asking you to do any of it," Kagome ground out, meeting his eyes. "I would never have asked you to put yourself…in this kind of…vulnerable…"
She shook her head, jaw clenching against tears suddenly threatening to rise. She bit her lip hard, too angry to allow herself to cry in front of him.
"It's not something you should have to ask me to do," he said lowly, and Kagome turned burning eyes back up to his face.
His gaze was not on her, but instead fixed stubbornly on some point over her left shoulder. He was still tense, agitated, but the stark anger was no longer there.
His eyes slid back to hers reluctantly. He huffed out a breath, shaking his head.
"I'm not scared of them, Kagome," he said, with the weary patience of explaining the obvious to a child. "And it was time. You already showed you were done playing with them when you held the ceremony. I just made it clearer. I mean, come on. Did you really want me to play the kiss-ass game with them on this? To let them even think they won after all that?"
"'Cuz that's what it would have been. Side-stepping it would have been just another excuse for those bastards to ignore you and me and do whatever the hell they wanted to do."
"But you don't have enough support yet," Kagome returned pleadingly, her anger softening in turn. "You've no way of knowing how this will turn out, that it won't provoke them to open rebellion."
Inuyasha scoffed, shoulders jerking in a rough shrug. Kagome frowned.
"We've both known from the start that it was a matter of time. They want me off the throne, preferably dead, and the only question for them is when. All I did was force them to do it on my terms instead," he answered bluntly. "Besides, now that they know I've got the old man's sword, I'm sure they'll think twice before they try to pull anything. In the meantime I'll figure out something."
Kagome nearly groaned, pressing a hand to her eyes wearily.
"You did not think this through at all, did you?" she asked, already miserably aware of the answer.
He did not answer her ire with his own this time. Rather his expression grew solemn, his eyes sliding almost unconsciously over her injured cheek.
"I didn't need to think about this one," he said, so quietly she scarcely caught the words.
The last of Kagome's anger deserted her. In the wake of it a sudden awareness of his presence overtook her. That he was there, that they were alone together for the first time in days, struck her with unusual force.
Scant days had passed since she was forced to confront the nature of her own feelings, and suddenly she could not help but feel that those feelings must be somehow inscribed across her features for him to see.
Her heart began to speed up to a heavy tattoo that echoed in her ears, and she could feel a flush rising warmly into her face. Kagome blinked, her eyes dropping to her feet.
No. No, no. She had buried those feelings. Buried them deep, deep down. There was no reason to be flustered about being alone with him. It was foolish in the extreme.
But what he had said to her…the lengths to which he had gone for her sake...
Inuyasha frowned at the abrupt shift, taking a step towards her. Kagome felt his gaze on her with an awareness that bordered on discomfort, felt certain that he must be able to hear the hammering in her chest as well as she could. Felt certain, terribly certain, that her feelings must be obvious to him…
"Kagome-"
"No!"
The word escaped her without her consent, her hand coming up as if to force him back. Inuyasha paused, his brow furrowing in confusion. He looked at her, her eyes fixed on the floor at her feet and her face flushed a violent shade of red. Her pulse pounded so loudly in the silence of the room that his ears twitched to the beat of it.
He didn't get it. It was just them in the room.
So…was she afraid of him?
Suddenly he felt cold. He reached out a hand, slowly and with an uncomfortable awareness of the sharp claws that tipped each finger, to touch her arm.
She pulled back. Inuyasha blinked, his hand dropping back to his side as if it were weighted.
He stared at her for a long moment, something knotting in the depths of his stomach. He swallowed, his throat dry.
But…he'd protected her. He'd done what he had to do.
So why? Why wouldn't she even look at him?
Silence stretched painfully between them.
"My Lord."
Kikyou stood in the doorway, a frown drawing her expression tight.
Kagome turned to look at her, her expression one of relief. Inuyasha experienced a pang.
What had he done?
"My Lord, I require a word with you," Kikyou said, recalling his attention. "Now. In private."
She shot Kagome a pointed glance. Kagome needed no pressing. With a quick bow to both parties, she nearly fled the room.
Inuyasha watched her go, the knot tightening.
"Did you not think you owed me, more than anyone, an explanation of what just went on?" Kikyou said lowly, coming to stand before him. "Or did you simply assume I would smile and go along with this lunacy?"
Her eyes burned as they met his. Inuyasha's stomach sank further, anticipating the anger and disappointment that seethed just beneath the surface in her. He had known she wouldn't like his decision, wouldn't approve of it, but even this had not been enough to deter him from it.
At least this reaction was expected. Unpleasant, but expected.
"What possessed you, Inuyasha?" Kikyou pressed, searching his face. A pale hand came to rest against his chest, tangling in the fabric there as if she could not decide whether to push him or pull him closer.
"Kikyou…" he sighed, covering the hand with his own. He was vaguely gratified that she did not flinch away from.
"I needed to do it. You know that, Kikyou. It's better for both of us that I did it now. You don't have to tiptoe around and hope not to piss anybody off anymore. It's all out there now."
Kikyou's expression darkened further. She stared up at him for a long moment, and he could see the anxious question there before she gave voice to it.
"Why now?"
He knew why. And she knew it, too. But he would not upset her further, not after everything he'd already put her through.
"I just…I have a reason, alright?" he hedged, well aware that obfuscation was not an art he'd ever been skilled in.
Kikyou frowned, pulling her hand from his. She took a deliberate step back from him, distancing herself.
"I understand, my Lord," she said, and he could almost feel physically the chill of her words. "I suppose I have never been reason enough for you."
She turned in a whirl of silks, moving toward the entrance hanging. Instinctively Inuyasha's hand shot out, catching her wrist and halting her progress.
"Do not touch me," she murmured, though her struggles were weak at best as he pulled her back against his chest.
"Cut it out, Kikyou," he murmured in return, leaning his chin atop the crown of her head until she ceased struggling.
Silence settled and he held her close, apologizing in the only manner he knew how. At length she turned in his arms and he lifted his head to meet her eyes.
"I want to have the wedding soon," she said.
Inuyasha froze. He had expected a number of things from her after the stunt he had just pulled, but this was not one of them.
"W-What?" he choked out.
"It only makes sense, my Lord," she pressed, her expression set determinedly. "We have only postponed it this long because of the uncertainty of our situation, have we not? Now that you have put everything out into the open, there is no reason for any further hesitation, is there?"
She raised her brows expectantly, her eyes searching his face for any sign of…of something. Inuyasha wasn't sure what. He could do little more than gape down into her upturned face.
His gut reaction was 'no'. No, no, no. It wasn't time. Now couldn't be the time for it.
But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that she was right. There was no reason for them not to go through with it now. They'd only waited after he took the throne because of his concern that going through with the wedding right away would put her in danger.
Now that he'd asserted himself as the rightful ruler, there was no reason to hold back.
No reason except his gut. No reason except a pressing feeling that it just couldn't be now.
Kikyou wanted this, though. She hardly ever asked anything of him, and she was asking this. If a marriage would make her happy, would ease whatever worries seemed to have overtaken her lately, why should he deny her that?
An image-Kagome, cringing away from him-flashed through his mind.
"Yeah," he said, the word leaving him almost without his consent. But the way Kikyou's eyes lit up sealed it for him.
"You're right," he made himself continue. "There's no reason not to. We'll hold the ceremony right after everything gets sorted out."
The rare smile that lightened her face was as much relief as happiness, and he felt a twinge of guilt at having considered denying her this. He had promised her years ago that he would take care of her. That he wouldn't let her be alone as he'd been alone. She deserved this much from him.
Even so, a feeling of unease settled deeply in his gut as she embraced him.
Kagome's first instinct was to go straight to the Chūwain. She needed desperately to calm her frayed nerves after that disastrous encounter and shameful retreat, and the Chūwain seemed most suitable for such a purpose.
A moment of more sensible thought dashed that prospect. It did not seem wise to venture out alone in the wake of such a potentially cataclysmic event. Even though it had been made clear enough that raising a hand against her would have dire consequences, there was no telling what the courtiers might be driven to do while still consumed by the heat of the moment.
Irritating as it was to her, the most logical course of action was to remain within the safety of the Dairi for the time being. And so she found herself at last sitting in a corner of the Fujiwara gardens, however unlikely she was to find any peace there.
The chill in the air at least served to cool her down as she settled in against the base of one of the larger trees. It did not, however, help with the clarity of the reflections that followed.
She had acted foolishly. Of course Inuyasha had no idea about her feelings. Why would he? To him she was a subordinate, an advisor, perhaps a friend at best. He had no reason whatsoever to consider her in a romantic light. With the way that she had just acted towards him, though, he had every reason to consider her both ungrateful and erratic.
What he had done for her in standing up to the court was kind. Unbelievably, immensely kind. However much she might resent the exact form that kindness had taken, she could not deny that that was what it was.
But that kindness frightened her. The more he showed that side of himself to her, the more she wanted to see it. She was no longer allowed to want that, though, not now that she understood the feeling for what it was.
Kagome groaned, dropping her head to rest against her knees. Why could it not be simple? Why could she not just do what she had set out to do without having to worry about even her own feelings betraying her?
A slight rustling nearby caught her ear and she froze. Her stomach sank. Dare she look up to see if she had just embarrassed herself yet again?
She hazarded a glance and caught sight of the hem of ornate crimson robes not several feet from where she sat. Kagome winced into her knees, recognizing them at a glance.
Slowly she raised her head, meeting the vaguely bemused gaze of the future Empress.
"You sound like an animal in its final throes," Kikyou commented bluntly.
"...Sorry," Kagome murmured, her cheeks pinking.
"Come," Kikyou ordered, not waiting for her response as she turned and headed towards a bench.
With a quiet sigh Kagome rose to follow her, feeling that she was most definitely in for another unpleasant conversation.
The future Empress settled herself primly on the chilled stone of the bench. Kagome reluctantly followed suit, though she kept her gaze carefully averted.
"I had no idea of what the Tennō-sama intended to do today," she blurted, before she could catch herself.
She winced, realizing how suspicious that sounded as soon as the words escaped her. If that did not reek of a guilty conscience…
"I am aware of that," Kikyou replied evenly, surprising her. "I know that my Lord has seen no one save myself in the past few days. Nor would I suspect you of openly encouraging such potentially disastrous behavior in him."
"Oh."
Kagome fell silent, uncertain why Kikyou would wish to speak with her if not to accuse her of having somehow influenced the rash decision. Indirectly she had, of course, though really that must be more the fault of the future Empress's account of events to him than anything she could have done herself.
She waited, watching the older woman out of the corner of her eye. Her face was determinedly impassive, and Kagome knew she had to be working up to something. But what could be so important that someone as straightforward as Kikyou would have to work up to it?
"I was promised to my Lord when I was very young," she said at last.
Kagome felt herself go cold. So it was to be this conversation at last.
"I am ashamed to admit, however, that at the time I considered the connection to be far beneath me," Kikyou continued quietly when Kagome failed to respond. "My Lord was thought to be the shame of the court-a stain on the rule of his honorable father. He was a second son, an illegitimate son, a…a half-breed son. I knew my worth as a daughter of the Fujiwara too well to submit to the match. I felt my own worth far, far too highly."
"You snubbed him?" Kagome said, anger sparking at the thought. She turned to face the woman fully.
Kikyou did not return her gaze. Her eyes remained fixed on some point in the distance, her expression retaining its forced neutrality.
"I did," she said softly, and the words had real weight. "I snubbed him at every turn. I refused to acknowledge him and I publicly denounced the engagement. I perceived the engagement as a slight on me. On my clan's worth and my worth to my clan. I was angry, and I directed that anger at him."
"How could you?" Kagome snapped, mortified as she gazed at the woman's stony silhouette. "You knew how the rest of the court was treating him! To join them in their cruelty even as his betrothed-!"
"I am not proud of the way that I acted," Kikyou interrupted sharply, turning at last to face her. "I was young and foolish. The things that I valued…I was misguided at best. Cruel at worst. But I received more punishment than even my actions merited quickly enough. I had all that I valued, every person that I cared for, stolen from me."
Kagome remained silent, though some of her outrage was muted at the reminder of what Kikyou had been forced to endure.
"I was certain the engagement would be called off after the decimation of my clan," Kikyou continued softly. "After all, I had almost nothing to offer without them. No connections, no prestige, and little wealth. Only myself, and even I counted that for little when my name no longer held any meaning."
"No one in the court would have thought it strange if the engagement had been dissolved. My Lord's honorable father had passed, and my Lord stood to inherit the throne. Dissolving the engagement in favor of a woman with more to offer was really the only sensible thing to be done."
Kikyou paused, seeming to consider her hands for a moment. And suddenly, beautifully, her face softened. A small smile turned up the corners of her lips, and her dark eyes crinkled with the warmth of some fond memory. It was not her usual doll-like perfection, but Kagome could not but feel it was the most beautiful she had ever seen the woman look.
"However, as my Lord has proven today, he is not a sensible man," she said. "My Lord came to me. He told me that unless it was my wish he would not break the engagement. He promised me his support if the engagement were maintained."
"I could scarcely believe it. That he would offer me so much when I had nothing to offer in return…It took me several years at my Lord's side to understand why he had done it. He…more than anyone, he understands what it is to be alone in the world. To be considered worthless. I believe he saw himself in me after the loss of my clan, and that he felt it his duty as my betrothed to protect me in whatever way he could. I was never so vain or naïve as to believe that he did it out of affection, not after the treatment to which I had subjected him."
Drawing herself up in her seat, Kikyou turned to face Kagome. The ephemeral softness had passed from her features, replaced now by cool determination in the lift of her chin.
"However," she said, drawing out the word carefully. "I promised myself that I would spend the remainder of my life becoming worthy of his affections, and I cannot believe that my efforts since then have been for naught. I agreed to continue the engagement despite feeling acutely that I was unequal to Inuyasha in every way that one being can be to another. But I have worked, I have supported him, and I have become his partner in every sense of the word. I believe now that there is no one more suited to stand at Inuyasha's side."
She held Kagome's eyes steadfastly. Kagome wished she could blink, look away, something, but she was caught fast. Her throat felt dry and her hands were cold against the stone of the bench.
"Why are you telling me this?" she said at last.
"We both are aware of my reasons," Kikyou replied evenly. "This latest act of senselessness may have been inspired by you, but it would not do for you to misunderstand it. I have been at my Lord's side and he at mine for years, and that carries weight beyond the diversion of a moment. Do you comprehend me, Kagome?"
Kagome's stomach twisted, though she was aware that was more her own fault than Kikyou's. This was a mere statement of facts. A clarification. If it hurt, Kagome could only blame the foolishness of her own feelings.
So she bit her tongue, swallowed her bitterness, and forced herself to nod.
"I understand, Fujiwara-sama," she managed. "Though, I can assure you it is unnecessary. I…I suffer no delusions as to the motives of the Tennō-sama."
There was a pause from Kikyou, though Kagome dared not look up to observe the older woman. What she had said was no lie, but it cost her deeply to say it aloud. She feared that she did not have the energy to conceal the suffering that she could feel writ deeply across her features.
A hand was laid lightly atop her own. Kagome stared at it, resenting the delicate paleness of the skin and fingers against the roughness of her own and resenting herself for the pettiness of her own feelings. She felt miserable.
"I am glad, Kagome," the future Empress said softly. "I do not want any unnecessary barriers between us, not when we have finally come to a point where we might truly be of use to one another."
Kagome's stomach twisted further in upon itself. She grimaced silently.
"Besides which, my Lord and I have come to the decision that it would be best to go through with our wedding as soon as circumstances allow. It would please us both, I think, to have your wholehearted support in the matter."
The hand slid away from hers and the rustling of silks echoed as the woman stood.
"Do not stay out too long," her voice advised, seemingly from a great distance. "It is cold, and it looks as if it will snow soon. You might catch a chill."
Footsteps trailed lightly away.
She was right. It was cold.
It took several minutes to for Kagome to realize that it had indeed begun to snow. Flakes covered her hair, shoulders, eyelashes.
Still Kagome sat, staring blankly as the world around her was obscured beneath a layer of stark white.
True to the future Empress's warning, Kagome felt terrible upon awaking the following morning. Whether the cause was more physical or emotional was hard to say, but her misery was acute as she languidly combed out hair matted from a night of restless turning and shrugged into her robes. For good measure she made certain to cover the bruises on her face and throat with paling powder once more, unwilling that anyone in the court should be given the satisfaction of seeing them.
For a moment she was half-tempted to remain with the relative safety of her room in the Fujiwara residence for the day in the hopes of avoiding contact with anyone save the servants who might bring her her meals.
That notion was discarded rather quickly. Besides seeming slightly childish, it was also counterproductive. The last thing Kagome needed was more time on her own to dwell on the events of the previous day. Thus her misery drove her out into the court, determined to begin to sort out the chaos that Inuyasha's actions had undoubtedly wrought.
After gathering a guard for herself, Kagome decided that her first stop had best be the Tachibana residence. The snowy streets were filled with courtiers milling about, drawn out both by the fresh snow and the remaining confusion of the previous day. Everyone seemed to be waiting with baited breath to see what would come next. To determine what course of action should be taken based on what came next.
Between the hood of the thick cloak she wore and the ring of guards, Kagome managed to pass among them relatively unnoticed. The guards took up position at the entrance to the Tachibana residence and Kagome was ushered inside by a servant.
A blur of red hair and blue robes came flying at her as soon as Kagome entered the embroidery room to which she had been brought. She just barely managed to catch the young kitsune before he collided with her, laughing as he wrapped small arms tightly about her neck.
"Kagome! Where've you been? Why did that dog drag you away like that?" Shippou asked hurriedly, then wrinkled his nose as he pulled back from her a bit. "You should take a bath, Kagome. You smell like mutt."
Kagome frowned, her initial joy at seeing him rapidly dimming.
"Now, Shippou-chan, that's not a very nice thing to say," she scolded. "His Majesty is the Tennō-sama and deserves your respect. And I do not smell."
Shippou frowned petulantly, clinging to her neck and refusing to apologize. He seemed to resent deeply Inuyasha's being allowed to have made claims both on her time and her scent, both of which so rightfully belonged to himself.
Sango sat eyeing her from across the room, the intricate bit of silk she had been embroidering set down in her lap. She did not smile and she did not rise to greet her friend. This boded ill as to her mood, and Kagome wondered if Shippou's resentment was catching somehow.
"Sango-sama," she said at last, when silence had stretched between them for an awkward length. She bowed, realizing only afterward how ridiculous the gesture was in light of their close friendship. Still, the look the noblewoman was giving her brought back all her former feelings of deference.
"I am hurt," Sango said at last, not one to mince words. "Obviously you knew quite well that the 'guard' who accompanied us on your first assignment was none other than the Tennō-sama. You seem quite close. Tell me, is there anything else you have hid? For I confess I feel quite foolish having been kept in the dark as to exactly the extent of the interest the Tennō-sama has in you."
Kagome frowned, her heart sinking.
"Sango-sama, it was not like that," she said, setting Shippou down and going to the woman.
She knelt down at her side, placing a hand on her arm. The last thing she needed at the moment was to have her friends angry with her, as well.
"It was never a matter of trust," she protested, trying to catch her friend's gaze. "I simply thought I was not allowed to reveal his Majesty. After all, his Majesty went out of his way to look after me on that journey because he knew I was vulnerable. Besides which, at the time I knew no better than you who his Majesty was. Please, Sango-sama, you must believe that I would never treat your friendship so lightly."
Sango cast her a reluctant glance, her eyes darting away quickly to fix on the other side of the room. Her look softened a bit, but the edge of resentment remained in the quirk of her brows.
"And what of yesterday's events?" she said. "You failed to tell either Houshi-sama or myself what was to happen, though I think the enormity of it might have warranted a warning at least."
"I knew nothing of what was to happen until it was already too late," Kagome said.
Sango turned an incredulous look on her. Kagome met it openly.
"Truly?" she said, surprised. "But it was obviously done on your behalf. Why would his Majesty have failed to tell you?"
Kagome flushed slightly, embarrassed that even spectators had been able to read Inuyasha's intent. She forced herself to shake her head.
"His Majesty knew I would not approve of such drastic measures," she sighed. "And while I am certain his Majesty had my plight in mind to some extent, I am equally certain that there must have a number of other reasons behind the decision that were far more pressing."
Sango scoffed, offering her a wry look.
"You believe that no more than I do, Kagome," she said archly.
The flush deepened and Kagome averted her eyes.
"Well, I promise I will tell you anything you might wish to hear," she said, determined to steer away from that very sore subject. "Only please forgive me. And allow me to prove how deeply I trust you by asking a great favor of you."
Sango nodded, her face growing curious as she gestured for Kagome to continue. Shippou, seeing the conflict was passed, scrambled up into Kagome's lap to claim his fair share of attention. She stroked his hair as she spoke.
"In light of recent events, his Majesty is in a rather precarious position. And while I do believe that his Majesty is capable of taking care of himself, I would like to take a few precautionary measures. If possible, I would like to ask your clan to serve as his Majesty's personal guards for the time being. You are the only ones I trust enough to serve his Majesty faithfully, and you are all of you well suited to the task."
Sango smiled, a tinge of pride squaring her shoulders.
"Of course," she said readily. "The Tachibana are likely the best suited to guard the Tennō-sama out of all the clans. I would be glad to hand pick some of the most trustworthy to serve."
"I appreciate it," Kagome said sincerely. "I know I can be at ease with anyone chosen by you."
Sango grinned, reaching over to pat her hand and signal that she was forgiven for her transgressions.
"Now, you will tell me everything that has gone on behind that screen, one detail at a time."
For the better part of three hours, Kagome did exactly that. She told Sango of her adventures and struggles with the Tennō-sama in detail, going even so far as to include his having followed her out of the court when she went to rescue her village.
If there was any aspect that she was less than forthcoming about, it was her own feelings concerning the hanyou. Not out of any lack of trust, but rather because she could not bring herself to think about them anymore. Not after all that Kikyou had shared with her the previous day, which still weighed heavily in the back of her mind.
She knew that Sango suspected, though. She made pointed notice of her seeming closeness to the Tennō-sama several times, despite Kagome's insistence that there was nothing between them beyond the relationship of subject to ruler. Even Kagome was aware, however, of how hollow the words sounded in light of the facts. Thankfully Sango was merciful enough to never push too hard on the matter.
At length, when the stories were finished and the midday meal had been consumed, Kagome begged leave to attend to her next errand of the day. Sango allowed it, saying that she had best begin to inquire among her clan as to suitable guards for the Tennō-sama. Shippou pleaded shamelessly to be allowed to accompany Kagome, to which she agreed. It was obvious that he had missed her lately, and he would be no hindrance where she needed to go next.
They were waylaid in a relatively empty side-street, however, on the way to the Chūwain. At first Kagome's view was obstructed by the ring of guards around her, but she soon recognized the voice demanding so insistently to be allowed access to her.
It was Kouga. He grinned wolfishly at her when she instructed the guards to move aside, moving in to wrap her in an embrace that she sidestepped deftly. The wolf Lord informed her with surprising tact that he had something to give her regarding his assignment. Taking this hint that privacy was needed, she encouraged him to come along to the Chūwain with her. They took the long way there, making use of small side streets in order to keep from being spotted together.
Midoriko-sama greeted them there, the temple rather empty despite the activity of the streets. Kagome asked if she might have a few moments alone with Kouga to discuss a pressing matter. Midoriko agreed readily enough, though she cast Kouga a questioning glance. She led them to a tea room in the left wing of the Chūwain, and even offered to take Shippou on a full tour of the premises while they tended to their business.
Kagome agreed gratefully, sensing the already mounting tension between the two youkai. Thus Shippou reluctantly went off with the O-Miko, leaving the two alone.
Kouga produced something from some hidden pocket in his furs, offering it up like a trophy to Kagome. She took it, finding that it was a small, sheathed dagger. It was beautifully ornate, a small jade stone crowning the pommel. But the truly remarkable thing about it was the carving adorning the sheath. It was familiar somehow.
"There's a whole room in the Taira residence filled with weapons like that," Kouga explained. "They've all got the same carving on them and they smell strange. Different. And the whole room's got some sort of charm on it. Like it…it reflects the things around it to hide itself, so it looks like a part of the walkway. Like a mirror."
"How did you manage to find it?" Kagome asked, studying the intricate detail work of the sheath as she turned it over in her hands.
"I smelled the weird scent of the weapons on that one pale kid who never talks," Kouga explained with a shrug. "I followed the scent and caught her coming out of what looked like one of the walls. Then I tried it myself…"
He shrugged once more, though his eyes were bright with the expectation of praise as they fixed on her.
"A pale girl?" Kagome murmured to herself, trying to recall someone fitting that description within the Taira clan. "Who...?"
"Name's Kanna, I think," Kouga supplied, attempting once more to gain her attention.
"Kanna!" Kagome said, the name sparking a memory of the women's outing. "Kanna had a mirror with this same symbol on it! And…"
She paused, struggling to bring another memory to the forefront. She knew, just knew, she had seen the same carving somewhere else. She could form a vague picture of the sword on which she had seen it, but where had the sword been?
Kagome's eyes widened. Inu no Taisho. The same image had been carved into the hilt of a sword thrust into the body of Inu no Taisho.
"By the kami," she breathed, realizing that she had in her hands a definite link between the death of the former Tennō-sama and the Taira.
"What?" Kouga said, unaware of the true value of what he had brought to her beyond its being suspicious.
Kagome glanced up at him, shaking her head after a moment. To share all this with the wolf Lord would likely be a mistake. He was hardly known for his discretion, after all.
"Thank you, Kouga-sama," she said, tucking the dagger away in an inner fold of her robes. "You have done me a great service in bringing this."
She offered him a smile. He did not offer one back.
"You look worried," he commented with unusual insight. Her smile faltered.
"Is it what the mutt did the other day?" he asked. "'Cuz I'm more than willing to kick the crap out of him, Tennō or whatever."
"I wish you would not speak of his Majesty in that manner," Kagome sighed, bringing a hand to her head. "It certainly is neither helpful to nor appreciated by me. And besides, it is not that that I am worried about. At least, not at the moment."
Which was true enough. At the moment she felt the dagger like a brand against her skin, all of her thoughts swirling around it. What was to be done? She needed to inform Inuyasha. And something had to be done about the Taira, but outright aggression against them was out of the question. Inuyasha simply did not have the support to match them and theirs. But where was more support to be…
"Stop thinking," came a voice at her ear, a hand sliding over one of her own. "Just for a second, okay?"
Kagome turned her head sharply to glare at him, certain that he was attempting to take advantage. The genuine concern she saw in his face brought her up short.
"I can't stop," she said softly. "There's too much to think about. There's too many problems…"
"Fine, then," Kouga huffed. "One by one is how every enemy is brought down. Go."
"The Tennō-sama needs more support, but I am not certain where to find it," Kagome said, her mouth working almost without her consent at the sudden prompt.
"That's an easy one," Kouga scoffed, and Kagome raised an incredulous brow. "Can't find any inside, go outside. Court's not the whole world. There are way more people out there than in here."
Kagome gaped at him. And then a disbelieving laugh welled up in her throat and her arms went around him.
"You are brilliant, Kouga-sama!" she cried. "It's perfect! By the kami, I cannot believe it never occurred to me…"
Kouga, not particularly seeing the genius of the idea, gladly accepted nonetheless this gratitude he had been expecting since the beginning of the meeting. His arms went around her, though his nose wrinkled at the scent of the mutt on her.
Kagome pulled back a few moments later, blinking as another thought occurred to her.
"Would you do it, Kouga-sama?" she asked seriously. "I believe you have gotten as far as you can with the Taira without endangering yourself, and you could return to your clan at last. Besides which, there cannot be anyone who knows the youkai outside the court better than yourself."
Kouga frowned, feeling that the gratitude had been far too short-lived in this instance. He pulled back from the embrace in turn to meet her eyes.
"You honestly think I stuck around here this long just to leave without you?" he groused. "Besides, Kagome, this is a hell of a lot more to ask than just sniffing around the Taira. You're asking me to put my whole clan at risk by going around to the other youkai. Some of them will see loyalty to the court as a betrayal to the code that clans on the outside live by. You want me to do this, I need you to offer me something solid."
Kagome frowned, dropping her gaze when his became too intent for her to meet it.
"As I have said before, I do not think I can offer you anything that you might want from me," she said softly, uncomfortably aware of what exactly he wanted from her.
"Can't or won't, Kagome?" he snapped with a rare note of pique to his tone. "Are you really so attached to that mutt that you can't think of anyone else?"
That one stung. Kagome flinched, feeling that she had been instantaneously pierced to the core. Memories of the previous day's conversation with Kikyou welled up and the sting bloomed into full fledged pain.
Was he right? Was she still allowing herself to be so blinded by her feelings for Inuyasha that she could think of nothing else?
She knew the answer, however little she liked it. Her reaction to all that had happened told the story clearly enough. Despite her best efforts and intentions, she was failing miserably.
She glanced up at Kouga, eyeing him a bit resentfully. While aware that her feelings were hardly his fault, it was hard not to be slightly angry that he was prodding at them.
As she continued to look at him, though, another thought slowly took hold of her. Perhaps he was right on more than one count. Was she not merely refusing to try and give her feelings to a more likely object? Might that not be more effective than simply trying to bury and ignore her feelings for Inuyasha?
And was not Kouga the perfect candidate? He had been open about his feelings for her since first they had met and had been working to win her affections since then.
With the echoes of Kikyou's announcement the previous day still ringing in the back of her mind, Kagome could not help but wonder what reason there was not to try and return Kouga's affections.
"Alright," Kagome said at last, nodding.
Kouga frowned for a moment, uncertain of her meaning. A few moments passed and it hit him all at once, his eyes widening. He leaned forward, then back, then forward once more, seeming completely at a loss for words.
"Alright?" he echoed, his voice cracking a bit on the word. "Alright? You mean…"
"I mean, I would like to try to…to return your affections," Kagome supplied for him, flushing at the sound of the words spoken aloud. "After all, you have more than earned the opportunity and…and there is nothing to stand between the two of us if we do not wish it."
"So you're really not hung up on the mutt?" he asked, and the hope in his voice made her squirm inwardly.
"How could I be?" she replied quietly, unable to meet his eyes.
"Kami, Kagome," she heard, and then his arms were around her.
Kagome tensed, instinctively moving to pull away. She forced herself to stop, though. To allow herself to feel the warmth of his arms and appreciate the safety they offered. More than one sort of safety, at that.
The embrace did not unnerve her or set her pulse racing. Maybe that was best. She did not need her focus stolen or her mind muddled. Maybe a relationship with Kouga was best. She just needed to put a little effort into it. Feelings changed all the time. Surely she could change hers.
"You'll come with me then?" Kouga murmured into her hair.
Kagome felt a bit shaken at the absolute happiness she could hear in his voice. She bit her lip, hesitating.
"I will," she answered at length. "But I will need some time. I want to make certain that things are stable here before I go. Do you think you could go out ahead of me and begin to talk to the youkai clans? I promise I will follow as soon as I feel that I can."
He pulled back a bit from her, taking her face between both hands. He grinned so widely he was nearly laughing, leaning down to kiss her on the forehead.
"As long as I know you're coming after me, I'll leave whenever you want me to," he said readily. "I knew you'd come around, Kagome."
"Yes, well…I need to speak with the O-Miko-sama now, if you do not mind," said Kagome, growing more and more uneasy at his blatant joy.
"Oh."
He pulled back, looking a bit disappointed. She offered him what she hoped was an apologetic smile, which seemed to conciliate him. He leaned in to give her another quick peck on the forehead before rising to stand.
"Right. I'll go get ready to head back to my clan," he said. "They'll be glad to hear that you're coming. I'll try to come to see you before I set off tomorrow morning."
Kagome nodded. She offered him an awkward wave as he exited the room, his grin wider than she could ever recall having seen it.
She let out a breath once he was clear of the room, sagging where she sat. She felt awful. He looked so happy. Was it unfair to him that she could only attempt to return his affections when he seemed so wholly invested in the idea already?
But, no. She had already given her word and she would certainly be faithful to it. Kouga-sama was very kind to her and there was no reason that her feelings should not turn towards him if they were given time together away from the court. Certainly if given time and encouragement she should be able to warm to him…
She could already foresee difficulty in being allowed to leave the court, though. Inuyasha despised the wolf Lord and had proven twice already his reluctance to allow her outside the range of his immediate protection. Kagome could hardly imagine how she would manage to get him to agree to it.
Although, he would soon be busy with plans for his wedding. What would he need her for then? Surely he could spare her while that went on. Perhaps if she timed it correctly she could leave in time to miss the ceremony…
Kagome sighed, shaking her head. She would think about all of this later. There were more pressing issues to attend at the moment.
She stood and went to seek out Midoriko and Shippou, feeling thoroughly low.
Kagome's errand with Midoriko was simple enough, despite the way in which it had been complicated by the wolf Lord. She simply wished to inquire about the nature of the screen that Inuyasha had torn down and its significance to the Tennō's rule. And more importantly, whether the O-Miko believed that Inuyasha had blasphemed in any way by having torn it down.
Thankfully Midoriko was able to relieve her of at least that worry, explaining that the use of the screen was tied more to tradition than religion. It was meant to shield the eyes of those not deemed worthy or those unable to bear the sight of the kami housed within the person of the Tennō originally, though it had long since been regarded merely as a tool by which the Tennō could choose those with whom he associated most closely.
In tearing it down Inuyasha had certainly done away with a long-held symbol of the throne's authority, Midoriko explained, but he had asserted a new one in the form of his own person. In asserting his right to break tradition, he had taken all the power into his own hands. He was no less a vessel of the kami for it, but he was far more vulnerable in offering himself up openly to the scrutiny of all.
Personally, Midoriko said, she quite admired him for what he had done. She thought it bold that he was willing to try and rule based entirely on his own strength. Kagome was relieved to hear it, certain as she was that the support of religious authorities would be invaluable to Inuyasha in times to come. She asked the O-Miko the favor of sharing her opinion and explanation with anyone who seemed receptive to it. With those who did not, as well. Any show of faith or support might help to sway public opinion at this point.
Midoriko agreed gladly, asking the younger miko to pass along her pledge of support to the Tennō. Kagome promised that she would, though she did not look forward to her next encounter with the man.
Afterwards she took Shippou back with her to the Fujiwara residence. Thankfully Kikyou seemed to be out -perhaps planning for her impending nuptials, Kagome thought with a tinge of bitterness-and Kagome ordered a bath for the two of them. Shippou was now complaining that she stunk of wolf.
Once they were both thoroughly clean and stenchless, she ordered a meal and managed to convince herself to put off her visit to see Inuyasha until the next morning. The dagger Kouga had given her now sat atop a trunk of clothes, no longer pressing insistently against her. And it would still be there in the morning for her to present it to the hanyou. It was not cheerful news to deliver, after all, and could affect him no more at the moment than on the morrow.
Thus they went to bed early, Kagome making a valiant effort not to think about a great many things.
Kagome's deep-seated reluctance about going to see the Tennō did not vanish with the morning light. She had the morning meal brought for herself and Shippou and waged a silent debate as they ate as to whether or not she could in good conscience put off the meeting any longer.
But the dagger still sat atop the trunk, a glaring reminder of what needed to be done. Kagome knew that, were their positions reversed, she would likely resent knowing he had hesitated to tell her of something of this magnitude. Inuyasha certainly acted like he did not care much either way about his father, but Kagome knew that was not really the case.
Besides which, it was not the news itself that made her hesitate. While it was awful, it was not as if she had never been forced to share bad news with him before. They had had their fair share of difficult talks since she had come into the court.
It was something else. Something she did not particularly want to examine too closely.
After a ridiculously drawn out meal, Kagome decided that putting it off any longer would be both cowardly and unconscionable. She also decided that taking Shippou along with her would serve as a helpful sort of buffer against anything really unpleasant.
She dressed the both of them and tucked the dagger back away beneath her robes. Steeling herself, she set off for Inuyasha's chambers.
Guards that she did not recognize as members of the Tachibana allowed her in, and Kagome made a mental note to check in with Sango. Inuyasha was far too vulnerable at this point in time for his personal guards to be anything other than hand-picked.
The screen had disappeared from this room, as well. Inuyasha sat bent over his desk in the corner, staring hard at some piece of parchment spread out over it. His left ear twitched towards them as they entered and he lifted his head.
He scowled.
"What are you doing here? Didn't hit me enough last time?"
Kagome bit her lip to keep from groaning, hefting Shippou in her arms like a shield. Of course he was still angry about last time. As if this meeting was not going to be uncomfortable enough already.
"I need to speak with you, Tennō-sama," she said softly, taking just one more step into the room from her place in entryway.
Somehow the words seemed to anger him further, though Kagome had felt them innocuous enough while speaking.
He rose and moved toward her until he loomed close enough to glare down into her face. And for a long moment he did, simply staring hard down at her as if to test something.
Until, that is, Shippou managed to get close enough to bite one of his hands.
Inuyasha jerked back, more in surprise than actual pain, and stared at the thing glaring from the safety of Kagome's arms. He hadn't noticed it before.
"What in the hell-"
"Leave Kagome alone, you bully!"
And in that moment Kagome knew that bringing Shippou had been a mistake.
"Shippou-chan, be polite to the Tennō-sama," she murmured tensely, drawing the kitsune closer to her and farther from the hanyou's wrath. "Tennō-sama, this is Shippou. You met him once before. And he apologizes for being rude, right, Shippou-chan?"
Shippou murmured something that was most definitely not an apology. Inuyasha scoffed bitterly, his glare alternating between the both of them now.
"So what, now you need to bring a body guard to come talk to me?" he snarked, with real edge to the words.
"I am responsible for his care. I did not want to leave him alone at the Fujiwara residence," she answered, comforting herself with the fact that it was really only a half-lie.
Inuyasha clearly did not believe this, continuing to glare balefully at the pair of them. Kagome dropped her gaze, deeply uncomfortable.
At length Inuyasha dropped down amidst a pile of cushions, his form tense with angry resignation. He affected a careless sprawl, refusing to look at her any longer.
"What did you come here for, Kagome? Kami knows you couldn't get away fast enough last time."
She flushed at the reminder, struggling to keep some semblance of composure and not run out again this time. She did not want to be here, not after Kikyou and the screen and Kouga and her feelings…
She took a deep breath, forcing herself to move further into the room. She set Shippou, still glaring as fiercely as one might manage with such childish features, down on a cushion and pulled the dagger from her robes.
Silently she offered it up for Inuyasha's inspection.
The hanyou sat up straight, his gaze sharpening on the dagger. Immediately he was up again, looking her over from head to toe.
"What happened? Who was it?"
Kagome shook her head, holding out the dagger for him to take.
"No, no," she said. "Nothing happened. This was brought to me and I knew I had to bring it to you. It's important."
Inuyasha looked her over a moment longer, making certain. Then he took the dagger, turning it over uncomprehendingly.
"What?" he asked, frowning at her. "It's just a dagger. Smells a little weird."
"The sheath," Kagome said, pointing to it. "Don't you recognize it?"
Inuyasha shrugged. Kagome sighed. She had hoped he would get it on his own so that there would be no need of an explanation from her.
"Your father's grave," she said softly, and his eyes shot up to meet hers. "Some of the weapons there had the same engraving on them. And this dagger…it came from a store room full of its like in the Taira residence."
Inuyasha was silent, looking blankly from her to the dagger. At length he curled his fist around the sheath, pressing until it crumpled and the blade inside snapped. Kagome's eyes widened as she watched him, his expression empty of any feeling as the remains of the dagger clattered to the ground.
"So it really was them."
Kagome's eyes roved his face, scanning it for any hint of what he might be feeling. There was nothing there for her to see, and she was afraid that meant that he felt it more deeply than he knew what to do with. She put out a tentative hand, touching his forearm lightly.
"I know this must be difficult for you, but we need to act cautiously," she said softly. "You simply cannot hope to oppose them openly right now, and there is already too much confusion within the court to add to it. Please trust, though, that I am doing everything in my power to ensure you get enough support to punish them as they deserve to be punished."
Inuyasha looked at the hand on his arm, some of his earlier anger seeming to leave him. He nodded wordlessly. Kagome almost smiled despite the solemnity of the moment, feeling for a brief moment as if things had returned to normal between them.
"…How'd you get a hold of that thing, anyway?" Inuyasha asked, a hint of suspicion creeping into his tone as the pieces caught his eye once more. Shippou had crept close enough to prod at them, reluctantly impressed at the strength the hanyou had displayed in crushing the blade single-handedly.
Kagome nearly groaned. There went their moment.
"I…" she hesitated, well aware that any mention of Kouga's name generally signaled the beginning of a fight between them.
"That wolf gave it to Kagome," Shippou piped up, picking up one of the pieces to try his own hand at crushing it. "He smells even worse than you."
Yes, it had most certainly been a mistake to bring him.
Dead silence filled the room, save the slight shuffling of Shippou's movements as he blithely continued his explorations of the room. Kagome's eyes were riveted to the floor. She could feel his anger escalating a notch every moment the silence continued.
"The wolf?" he ground out at last, and she flinched. "That bastard gave you this!"
"It's not as if I sought him out specifically," Kagome said quickly. "I needed someone who could get close enough to the Taira to watch them for us. Kouga-sama was the only-"
"And what'd he get from you in return?" Inuyasha cut her off, taking hold of one of her forearms to get her full attention. "Bastard's wanted you from the start. So what'd you give him, Kagome?"
Perhaps it was that he had hit a little too close to the truth this time in his assumptions about her dealings with Kouga. Perhaps it was the idea that the man with whom she was in love could be so oblivious to how she felt that he could accuse her of being involved with another. Perhaps it was the ever-present, ever-pressing knowledge that he was soon to be married to a woman who was not herself and she would be forced to stand by him without saying a word.
Whatever it was, something in Kagome snapped.
"What right have you to tell me who I can and cannot be with?" she snapped, snatching her arm away violently. "What business is it of yours, Inuyasha? You and I are not-… As your servant you have my loyalty, but I will not allow you to dictate my life to me! If Kouga-sama is my choice then what claim on me do you have to tell me otherwise? None! None at all! You and I-!"
She cut herself off, breathing hard. She could feel herself on the brink of tears and swallowed them back fiercely.
Abruptly she grabbed Shippou, snatching him up and making for the doorway before Inuyasha had time to react. She paused just on the threshold, unable to leave without one parting shot.
"I believe congratulations are in order. Fujiwara-sama told me all about your plans for the wedding. So congratulations, Inuyasha. I hope you'll be happy together."
And then she was gone.
Yay! Or not so yay, as the case might be with this chapter. One very wise reviewer asked me to fit a bit of much-needed levity into the story, and I'm sorry to say I couldn't work it into this chapter in a way that felt feasible to me. But I will promise some lightness within the next chapter or so, so I beg patience of my readers. I know it's a bit drama heavy at the moment, but I promise it won't stay this way forever.
I know many of you have asked about the nature and origins of Kikyou and Inuyasha's relationship, as well. I'm glad I was finally able to answer those questions, at least. In my head I always knew how it had all gone down between them, but I thought it best to keep some mystery surrounding it until this point. But there you go, dear readers, Kikyou has spelled it out clearly both for you and Kagome.
Thanks again for all of your support. Review if you feel inclined and if not, I hope you enjoyed the ride.