Behind the Silk Screen

by eien-no-basho

When a twist of fate brings the common-born priestess Kagome to serve Inuyasha, Divine Emperor of Japan, will she be able to help him claim his place on the throne and bring order to their country? Or will court intrigues and their own burgeoning feelings tear the two and their nation apart? A historical romance set in Japan's Heian Era.

22. Of Determination and Downfall

Hello, all! E-n-B here, free for the summer and turning out chapters to celebrate! Hopefully with my relative freedom this summer I'll be able to make some serious headway with this story before I have to go back in the fall and really put my nose to the grindstone (that's an unpleasant expression, isn't it?).

Thank you all, as always, for your amazing response to the last chapter. I truly, truly appreciate the time you all take to give me feedback. It really allows me to grow as a writer and to (hopefully) produce a better story for all of you.

Our mini-history lesson for today:

-chichi-ue: An archaic form of address to one's father. It translates literally as 'father-above', which implies a great deal of filial respect in its usage.

-chrysanthemum: The seal of the imperial house of Japan, up to the present day, is a 16 petal chrysanthemum. I'm not really sure about the symbolism of it (I couldn't find a text that addressed the ideology behind it), but it has been used by emperors back through antiquity.

-Kamo no Yasunori: A famous onmyōji of Heian Japan. I haven't addressed it much up until this point, but onmyōdō, or yin-yang divination, was introduced to Japan during the Heian period alongside Buddhism. It's a spiritual practice that synthesizes tenets of Buddhism, Shintō, and Taoism and it became rather popular in the later Heian period, historically utilized and regulated by the emperors of Japan.

-shinobue: A Japanese transverse flute crafted from bamboo and used often in traditional Japanese folk songs.

-ōtsuzumi: An hour-glass shaped Japanese drum used often in traditional folk songs.

-Ryū, Bakeneko, Ningyō, Oni, Tanuki: Some of the more prominent types of youkai that I came across when researching. There are countless kinds of youkai listed in various folk and fairy tales throughout Japan, some that belong to specific types and some that don't correspond to any type. These are some that show up more often than most (along with kitsune, ōkami, and inugami). Their types correspond to dragons, cats, mermaids (or various sea creatures), one-horned giants (these are the kind that most closely resemble 'demons' as we conceptualize them in the West), and raccoons respectively.

---

Tendrils of steam curled up languidly from the face of the gray pool, filling the surrounding air with a warm haze. Trees, brush, and a steep, rocky slope hedged the pool closely on all sides, effectively veiling it from the surrounding world. The pool seemed a small, warm oasis in the midst of the waning winter, all silence and stillness.

The peace of the place was quickly shattered by a high-pitched, gleeful yelp, followed quickly by a surprisingly large splash. A small, red-haired head bobbed to the surface of the pool, tiny arms flailing energetically in the warm water to stay afloat.

Kagome, Sango, and the two female taiji-ya who accompanied them chuckled at the sight the kitsune made, moving much more sedately as they laid their clothes out on the rocks to keep them from getting wet.

"Be careful, Shippou-chan," Kagome called, coming to the edge of the hot spring and gingerly testing the water with one foot.

The warmth of it after nearly two weeks of riding wrapped in layers and layers to ward off the chill of winter sent a thrill through her. She slid slowly into the murky, sulfurous waters, sighing as the heat enveloped muscles stiff from too long a time spent on a horse.

Sango slid in beside her, her hands busily pinning up the length of her hair to keep it from getting wet. The two other young women, Noriko and Tomiko, slid in just across from them, their twin sighs of bliss echoing Kagome's own.

"Thank the kami for hot springs," Tomiko murmured, sinking down to her chin in the waters. "It has been such a long while, I had forgotten what a trial it is to be riding for days at a stretch. I ache all over."

Noriko nodded sympathetically, rolling her shoulders beneath the water to work some of the tension from them.

"Mmmm, I know how you feel," she said. "It has been over two years, I think, since I went out on my last mission, and that was only a routine patrol of the perimeters. Even so, I am glad to be back out in the field and useful again, for all the aches and pains it might bring with it. Thank you again, Sango-chan, for extending the invitation to me."

"Not at all. I am grateful to you for choosing to come," Sango said, wading a bit deeper into the pool until she found a half-submerged rock to rest atop. "I only wish more of the clan's women had taken up the invitation."

"Well, you know how it is," Tomiko put in, shoulders bobbing up through and back down under the water as she shrugged. "For all that they train us they do not really seem to expect us to go out. The unmarried girls do not want to go for fear of missing out on an opportunity to make a match or being seen as unfeminine for too much time spent in the field, and the married women are too busy managing their households and having children to have opportunity to go."

"Don't you think that is unfair, though?" murmured Sango, the length of her back pale and graceful as it curled over her upraised knees. "That we have to be the ones to concern ourselves about that sort of thing when we're just as capable as any of the men of the clan?"

Kagome glanced at her friend. Her face was half-obscured, resting against her knees, but her eyes looked thoughtful. Tomiko and Noriko, too, wore similar looks, though there was a certain resignation in the set of their features that was no longer in Sango's. Silently Kagome wondered if this had been part of what Sango was talking about when she spoken of knowing what her life would be.

A second noisy and disproportionately large splash put an end to any introspection, the resulting wave wringing cries from the four women as it soaked their carefully pinned-up hair. Shippou bobbed to the surface once more, the red fringe of his hair plastered over his eyes. Soaked as they were, the women were hard-pressed to keep from laughing as the kitsune dog-paddled furiously in a blind, disoriented circle.

Eventually Kagome stepped forward to take the kitsune in hand, pushing the vision-obscuring hair from his eyes and guiding him over to the edge of the pool to sit him atop a partially submerged rock. Despite his wriggling she managed to check him over and rinse what remained of two weeks' worth of grime from his skin

"It should be about a week more until we reach the village, right?" Noriko asked, scrubbing unhurriedly at her own skin.

Sango nodded, slipping down off of her rock into the deepest part of the pool. She splashed some water from the spring onto her face, scrubbing until her skin glowed a healthy pink.

"It took about a month by horseback when Miroku-sama first brought me to the court," Kagome supplied, allowing the slippery kitsune to wriggle free of her grasp once she was certain he was clean. "So a week more or so should bring us there."

"We will exchange our mounts for youkai so that we can move faster when we get there," Sango said, wading until she was only half-submerged in the water as she set to washing her shoulders. "My father and a good number of our clan should still be in the area helping to rebuild the destroyed villages, and they have almost all of our clan's youkai mounts with them."

A rustling sounded in the bushes a bit to Sango's right as she set to scrubbing her back and they all paused, glancing towards it. A small brown squirrel emerged, chattering agitatedly, before dashing up the trunk of a nearby tree. Shippou struggled to paddle quickly enough across the pool to reach it and give chase.

"My village should be receptive to hearing his Majesty's offer, as well," Kagome resumed, sinking down up to her chin in the soothing warmth of the waters. "And after I have spoken to them I thought we might all consult as to how to proceed. Speaking to all the villages will likely be impossible, and in all of my time in the court I was unable to find a map that included any villages besides the ones attached to residences, so there's no knowing how many are out there or where they all are."

"Goodness," Tomiko sighed. "Well, with all the work it sounds like we have ahead of us, I'm grateful Shippou-chan was able to scent out this hot spring for us to clean up and relax in. The kami only know when we will get another chance."

Kagome glanced at the kitsune, stifling a laugh when she saw that he had somehow gotten himself caught halfway in a bush while chasing the squirrel. His bare rear-end poked out towards the spring, damp tail flicking excitedly back and forth. The four women exchanged a look before they all burst out laughing.

"S-Shippou-chan, don't get dirty or I'll have to scrub you down again," Kagome called between bouts of laughter.

He jumped at the sound of her voice, tail going completely rigid for a moment. Hurriedly he pulled himself from the bush, jerking back a bit too hard in his haste to escape. He stumbled backwards a few steps, tripping over his own feet and falling head over foot back into the spring. The women nearly snorted with laughter.

Sango, closest to the kitsune, plucked the disoriented boy up out of the water and sat him on the bank as he coughed and sputtered. He cast a baleful glare at the bush through the fringe plastered to his face, as if it had been responsible for his fall. Kagome drifted across the pool to lean beside Sango against the bank on which the kitsune sat.

"Any more squirrels in there?" she teased gently, poking affectionately at the boy's pouting cheek.

Shippou's pout deepened, a red deeper than the flush from the heat of the springs suffusing his cheeks. He shot the bush another glare, angry at having embarrassed himself in front of the women.

"No," he muttered lowly. "It's not a squirrel in there."

Kagome blinked, turning to share a look with Sango. Slowly both of their gazes slid back to the bush.

"It?" Sango echoed, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

Shippou folded his arms over his chest, nodding.

"He told me not to tell you that it was him who really found the spring," Shippou said. "And that he was hiding in the bush to watch out for you while you all bathed."

As he spoke Sango's hand moved slowly, almost imperceptibly, over the ground until it closed around a sizable stone. Her jaw clenched as Shippou finished speaking, her hand spasming around the stone.

In a motion almost too quick for Kagome to follow, the taiji-ya cocked back her arm and chucked the stone hard into the bush. A yelp resounded and the bush shook as a figure jumped up.

Miroku stood there, clutching his forehead where the stone had struck squarely. He blinked at them all, slowly removing his hand and putting on a too-polite grin.

"Ahahaha, I seem to have wandered away from the camp somehow," he chuckled with feigned lightness, tapping one fist lightly to his temple in a gesture of chastisement for his absent-mindedness. "Pardon the interruption, ladies. Please continue as you were."

A beat of dead silence followed.

Tomiko, Noriko, and Kagome yelled almost in unison, ducking down to cover themselves as best they could beneath the murky water. Shippou smirked, gratified at obviously having paid the houshi back for his earlier embarrassment.

Sango, her face a boiling red, proceeded to pitch everything within arm's reach at Miroku, yelling nonsensically about perverts and womanizers and the absurdity of any woman ever falling for a man like him. Miroku managed to dodge a good number of the haphazardly aimed projectiles, but could not escape taking a few direct hits here and there.

Watching the exchange, Kagome realized with a gasp why exactly the houshi was dodging when he should have been running for his life. Sango, in her mad scramble to find more objects to hurl, was still half out of the water, and as she thrashed about there was a good amount of bouncing…

"Sango-chan!" Kagome yelped, mortified.

Sango paused, glancing from Kagome's wide-eyed gaze to Miroku and then downward to the parts of her body on which Miroku's gaze was none too surreptitiously fixated. Her mouth fell open, her face shifting rapidly from deep red to stark white and back again.

With a shriek that was a confused mix of rage and embarrassment, Sango crossed her arms over her chest and dropped down beneath the protection of the water.

Miroku took the opportunity to toss them all a blithe wave and beat a hasty retreat, calling cheerfully for them to have a pleasant bath and to be careful on their way back to the camp before he disappeared from sight.

Silence enveloped the spring once more in the houshi's wake.

After several moments Kagome waded hesitantly over to Sango, who was still hunched up to her chin in the water and was fairly shaking with either rage or embarrassment. Perhaps both. Kagome laid a tentative hand on her shoulder.

"Sango-chan?"

"He saw them. He definitely saw them," the noblewoman murmured darkly to herself. "Just like those times he used to peek in the court bathhouse…Such a lecher…A womanizer through and through…How could I…? I know. I'll knock the memory right out of his head. That's right, there's no memory for a dead man…"

Abruptly Sango rose and began wading determinedly towards the spot where they had left their clothes. Behind them Kagome could feel Tomiko and Noriko still staring, dumbfounded. Shippou had slipped back into the water and resumed dog-paddling about happily.

Sighing, Kagome trailed after her friend. She had a feeling that without anyone to stop her, Sango would make a genuine attempt to make good on her threats.

It was going to be a long journey.

---

In the end Kagome did manage to keep Sango from outright attacking the houshi, though that did not stop her from 'accidentally' dropping Hiraikotsu on his foot while she was polishing it or kicking his futon well outside the circle of the fire's warmth. She refused to speak directly to him for the rest of the night and sat glaring daggers from across the fire.

Noriko and Tomiko were growing wary of the houshi, as well. They had already been subject to several 'accidental' gropes from Miroku since the journey had started, but had largely written the incidences off in light of his status as a spiritualist and the utter nonchalance he displayed in the aftermath.

This, however, was a bit harder disregard. They made certain that their futons were situated well away from his, despite Kagome's assurances that he really was not that bad-just not that good, either.

Kagome, for her part, could only watch bemusedly as the houshi chatted away over-animatedly with the men of her guard who obviously had no idea what had gone on. She had come to expect this behavior from Miroku to a degree, but he had really stepped up his game since they had all set out. Every few days it was something new. And when Sango had been making such an earnest effort to get closer to him, too.

Kagome sighed, shaking her head. Despite how close they had become, the man was in some ways a mystery to her yet. A dirty, lecherous mystery.

After they had eaten, the group quickly settled in for the night to sleep. Miroku made certain to set up wards around their campsites each night, meaning that they could generally rest easy with only one or two people on watch. Those who were not on duty for the night slept soundly around the warmth of a campfire.

Kagome, however, had developed a habit of sitting up after the others had settled in. It was really the only time she could get any semblance of the privacy that she needed.

She had kept a single mala bead from the nenju necklace she had strung together, just as Midoriko had instructed. That single bead had rested securely against her breast in an inner pocket of her robes since her departure from the court, a comforting reminder that however far or long this journey might take her she would never be entirely separated from him.

During the day she was steadfast in not allowing herself to think about him or the court. After all, she had left as much to separate herself from him and get control of her feelings as to help the villages. Dwelling on thoughts of him could only serve to undo all of the resolve she had put into her decision to do this. And so she banished him from her mind, focusing instead on what the mission ahead of her would require.

At night, though, under the cover of darkness while the others slept, she allowed herself for just a few hours the comfort of their bond that the nenju offered. Perhaps it was weakness or foolishness on her part, but she could not bring herself to give up the small indulgence. She could not simply forget Inuyasha altogether.

By closing her eyes and focusing her energy into the catalyst of the bead, she could feel through her sixth sense the location of the nenju and its owner. This she did each night before going to sleep.

Kagome found that Midoriko had been both right and wrong about the way in which the sensing happened. Some nights she could only pick up vague feelings and the faintest notion of where Inuyasha actually happened to be at that moment. Other nights it was as clear as if she were simply watching Inuyasha in a vaguely foggy mirror.

She was not certain what the reason was for such a discrepancy in the nenju's power from one instance to the next, but as far as she could guess it was herself. There were certain nights where the need to see him, to be certain that he was safe, was simply stronger than others, and those always seemed to be the nights that she could see most clearly.

On this particular night, her sense of him was hazy at best. He seemed to be alone in his chambers in the Jijūden. Annoyance prickled across her senses, along with the slight weight of fatigue. He was…bent over something? Something to do with the Council, if his feelings were any indication.

Abruptly the vision twisted and spun. He had moved…lying on his back? Kagome felt a moment of disorientation, her vision blurring further with the movement.

Moments passed and some of the annoyance gradually ebbed, a more general listlessness taking its place. This Kagome had felt often from him. She could practically hear him sigh.

Thoughtfulness often seemed to accompany this listlessness, and tonight was no exception. Kagome had long since found that the bond gave her no access to his thoughts. The feelings and sensations that accompanied them were hers to interpret as she could, but any of the conscious goings-on in his head were beyond her reach.

On this night his thoughts seemed to wander somewhere strange, heavy warmth curling out from his stomach through his limbs. Against his lips ghosted the sensation of some remembered softness, and the heat thickened into a warm lethargy that pulsed through his veins. For a fleeting moment, everything was good. She could feel his hand drift up to touch the nenju almost unconsciously.

Abruptly the vision blurred once more and the warmth she had felt boiled heatedly over into anger. He'd lurched upright, bending with pointed determination back over whatever documents he had been poring over. Punishing anger thrummed through him.

"Dammit…"

As he settled back in to focus on the documents, annoyance bubbling over once more alongside the simmering ire, Kagome opened her eyes. Slowly the glow of the fire and the faint outline of her sleeping companions came back into focus.

Sighing softly, Kagome tucked the bead carefully away in the front of her robes. She pulled her knees to her chest, resting her chin atop them and absently watching the flames before her dance as her thoughts wandered. It was always her intent to go right to sleep after ascertaining the hanyou's well-being, but that rarely ever seemed to happen.

Inuyasha was often some variation of annoyed, tense, or angry when she looked in on him through their bond. There was obviously a great deal that he still had to contend with in the court. Reports from Midoriko, reports from Chūsei, walks through the court to address the courtiers, Council meetings, and plans for the upcoming wedding were just a few things that she had managed to catch glimpses of through their bond.

All of this Kagome had known to expect, though expecting it did little towards lessening the niggling sense of guilt that had become a constant in the back of her mind since her departure.

What she had not expected were the moments like the one she had just witnessed. Something was eating at Inuyasha, bothering him far more deeply than any of the matters of the court seemed to. More and more frequently there were moments like the one she had just witnessed.

Kagome could not understand it. She wanted to know what it was that he was struggling with. She wanted to be there and to talk to him and to see him. She wanted to be there as his friend and confidant once more, so much so that it was almost a physical ache at times.

But, no. Kagome closed her eyes, pressing her forehead hard against her knees. No, no, no. That was exactly the path she could not afford to go back down. Physically, at least, Inuyasha was fine, and that was really all she could afford to concern herself with for the time being. She had willingly given over her right to do anything more by leaving the court.

And she could comfort herself with the fact that Kikyou was still there supporting him, albeit that that was a comfort not unmixed with some small twinge of pain. Kikyou had sworn to her that she would take care of Inuyasha, and Kagome knew that the noblewoman was a woman of her word through and through. A number of the nights that Kagome had looked in on him, she had found that Kikyou was with him.

The future Empress would play music or offer counsel on court matters or calmly talk him down when he had worked himself into a real rage. At times she would merely sit quietly in the room with him, making certain that he knew that she was there. Her presence always seemed to dull the edge of his frustrations, though at times a weight of guilt settled in on him during and after her visits that Kagome could not understand.

As far as Kagome could tell, Inuyasha had yet to open up to Kikyou about whatever the thing was that was really bothering him and Kikyou had likewise yet to be open about her feelings as Kagome had advised her to. Still, plans for the wedding were progressing and Kagome could not help but believe that as soon as Kikyou could bring herself to share her feelings Inuyasha would reciprocate. Surely two such good and strong people could not fail to be happy together. And Kikyou would become his constant, the person upon whom Inuyasha could depend within the chaos of the court.

The person Kagome had worked so hard to be for him. The person Kagome was not allowed to be for him.

She hastily swallowed back the bitterness she could feel rising in the back of her throat, tapping her head lightly against her knees in reproach. It was no good to indulge these feelings that sometimes crept up on her in these dark hours of the night. She had made the right choice. She would not dwell on it. She could only move forward now.

Uncurling herself, Kagome moved to slip beneath the warmth of her rough blanket. She needed to stop thinking. Inuyasha was fine and she had a long ride ahead of her in the morning. She closed her eyes, settling in determinedly to sleep.

Yes, it was to be a very long journey indeed.

---

True to their estimates, the company reached Kagome's village a week and two days later in the middle of the afternoon. Two youkai mounts bearing riders in the traditional garb of the Tachibana taiji-ya were the first sight that greeted them as they crossed the wide, grassy plain that led into the village.

As they came nearer one of the mounted men raised a hand high, waving it in a sign of friendly greeting. It was Hidehiko, Sango's father.

Sango practically leapt from her mount, running the last several feet to reach her father. He slipped from his own mount, meeting her approach with open arms. He clasped his daughter to himself, embracing her warmly after their separation of several months.

Kohaku sat astride his mount among Kagome's group, watching the reunion with strangely detached eyes. Hidehiko soon put an end to that, though, dragging him down and proceeding to nearly smother the young man in his embrace.

The company closed the rest of the distance as Hidehiko finished his enthusiastic greetings, Miroku leading the horse that Sango had abandoned in her haste to reach her father. They all dismounted, the members of the Tachibana bowing deeply to their clan head. Kagome and Miroku bowed, as well.

Tachibana Hidehiko beamed at them all, daughter under one arm and son under the other. He cut an imposing figure: tall, hair close-cropped like that of an ascetic rather than a courtier, leanly muscled beneath his close-fitting taiji-ya armor, and sporting a pale scar that stretched from just under his left eyebrow down to the edge of his jaw on the right side. In that moment, though, he looked incredibly gentle.

"My cousins," he said. "Kagome-sama. Houshi-sama. What brings this interesting company so far from the court? Or have you come solely for the sake of doing me the kindness of bringing my dear children to me?"

"We are here on an assignment from the Tennō-sama, chichi-ue," Sango said, pulling free of his embrace to take back the reins of her horse from Miroku. "Kagome-chan is to visit the villages on the Tennō-sama's behalf while we serve as her guard. I had hoped that we might exchange our mounts for some of the youkai mounts you have with you, if you can spare them."

Hidehiko frowned.

"Ah, yes, well, we can certainly spare the mounts, but…" he paused, eyeing the company for a moment. "This sounds like an important assignment, Sango. Are you certain you are prepared to lead Kagome-sama's guard all on your own? I can assign one of the men stationed here to accompany you."

Sango blinked, the bright grin on her face faltering. Her gaze slid to her feet.

"Oh…well, I thought…I mean, I-"

"With all due respect, Tachibana-sama," Miroku said, placing a gentle hand on the noblewoman's shoulder. "I believe Sango-sama is more than capable of leading us. In fact, there is nary a person I know in whose hands I would feel safer."

Sango's head jerked up. She blinked at the houshi, a flush creeping over her cheeks. He offered her a gentle smile in return.

"I feel the same, Tachibana-sama," Kagome put in, unable to suppress a grin as she watched her friends' antics from the corner of her eye. "I have complete faith in the Tennō-sama's appointment of Sango-chan to this mission."

"Of course, of course," Hidehiko said, though the frown still lingered at the corners of his mouth. "I have complete faith in my daughter. I simply thought…Well, never mind. I am proud to hear she has done well so far. And you must all stay at least the night here. You especially, Kagome-sama. You must be eager to see your family, and I wish to show you the progress we have managed to make in this village and the others since last you were here. Would you like us to show you around?"

"I would like that," Kagome said. "Perhaps, though, you might take the rest of the group first, and I can catch you up later."

"Yes, of course. Family first," Hidehiko agreed readily, motioning for the taiji-ya who had been riding with him to take the reins of her mount. "Your lovely mother will be thrilled to see you. She has spoken of nothing but you since first we met. Go see her, and come find us when you can."

She thanked the man, passing him the reins as she dismounted. She bowed to the group, waving as they turned to go off in the direction from which Hidehiko had been coming when they had first spotted him.

Turning, she started off in the direction of her family's hut. She felt her pulse quicken, the corners of her lips quirking up as she unconsciously sped her steps.

Technically it had only been a few months since she had last seen her family, but the last time had been cast under the shadow of such dark circumstances that it was hardly as if she had been there at all. On top of which necessity and a certain hanyou had dictated that her previous stay was a brief one, and she had scarcely gotten a chance to speak with them before having to depart.

On this occasion she had more time to spare and even came bearing good news. She could finally offer the villages the support she had initially gone into the court seeking, thanks to the efforts of herself and Inuyasha. The thought left her elated, her body lighter than it had felt in quite some time.

The hut came suddenly into view. Or at least it seemed sudden, caught up as she'd been in her own thoughts. Kagome paused, surprised at the sight.

Her hut was no longer the hut she had known. Or perhaps the strange thing was that it was no longer a hut at all.

Where once had stood a dilapidated hut, the thatching of the roof thin and prone to leaks and the entryway hanging so threadbare that it hardly served any purpose anymore, there was now a sturdy wooden structure elevated slightly in the style of court buildings. Even the entryway hanging, soft and thick beneath her hand as she moved it aside to enter, was patterned with a scene of a miko performing the ritual prayers at the Chūwain.

Kagome stepped inside quietly, allowing the hanging to fall shut behind her and carefully removing her dirty sandals in consideration of the new wooden floors.

And there she was, sitting atop a cushion and bent determinedly over a piece of needle-work just like a scene out of Kagome's fondest childhood memories. A wave of nostalgia, beautiful and painful, swept through her.

Her mother did not look up, focused as she was on her task of mending what appeared to be a piece of taiji-ya armor, but a welcoming smile turned up the corners of her lips.

"Is that you, Hidehiko-sama?" she called, her deft hands never dropping a stitch. "I'm almost finished. Just give me a few moments more. You must have finished patrol early today. Well, I'll fix us tea in just a moment."

Kagome smiled until her cheeks ached with it, joy at the sound of her mother's familiar voice and the sight of her welling up so thickly that she could not speak.

The hut was not the only thing that had changed since last she had seen it. Her mother fairly glowed in the afternoon light that filtered in past the entryway hanging. Her dark hair, braided and wrapped into a coronet about her head in the practical style of the villages, looked thick and glossy, and the skin visible on her hands and face had a healthy, rosy tint to it beneath her slight tan. She seemed to have gained weight, as well, the haggard thinness of skin that hung too loose on the bone gone entirely.

She looked good, in a way Kagome had not seen her look since her father had passed.

She must have stood silent for too long because her mother's hands slowed in their work, the smile on her face dimming a degree.

"Hidehiko-sama? Is something the matter?" she asked, raising her eyes at last from the work in her lap.

Her mouth fell open, her hands stilling entirely. Chestnut colored eyes, the lines at their corners fainter than Kagome remembered, lit up, a smile stretching impossibly wide across her face.

"Hi, Mama," Kagome said softly. "I'm home."

The armor she had been working so diligently on tumbled from her mother's lap, disregarded, as she rose and rushed to take her daughter into her arms.

"Kagome!" she cried, squeezing her so tightly the girl nearly yelped. "Oh, my little girl! What are you doing here?"

She pulled back to arm's length, her hands coming up to cup Kagome's face as she examined her more closely. Kagome could only smile, laughing softly. Apparently her mother's tendency to fuss had not been altered in the slightest. It was comforting to know.

"Look at you," her mother murmured, pushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. "Look how grown up you look. It's in your eyes, Kagome. You're almost an adult in full now. And you're becoming so beautiful."

Her brow furrowed, her lower lip beginning to tremble slightly as she continued to gaze into her only daughter's face. Kagome's smile did not falter, accustomed to her mother's sometimes mercurial shifts in mood.

"Mama," she said gently, placing her hands over the ones cupping her face. "Mama, don't cry. Come on. Come sit with me and talk."

Her mother swallowed, nodding. She patted her cheeks once before releasing her, turning and going back into the hut to bring out a cushion for Kagome.

"Where are Souta and Jii-chan?" Kagome called after her, seeing no sign of either of them.

"Out helping the taiji-ya," her mother answered, setting the cushion down and gesturing for her to sit. "Or Souta is, at least. You know Jii-chan. He just likes to have ears to chatter at."

"Helping the taiji-ya?" Kagome echoed. "To rebuild villages?"

Her mother nodded.

"They've been helping to supply food to us, meaning the men of the village are free to help them during the day," she said. "We're all eager to pitch in if we can, they've been so good to us since they arrived."

"They were the ones who reconstructed our hut?" Kagome asked.

"It's actually brand new," her mother said. "They tore down our old one and simply started from scratch with the building materials that the Tennō-sama had sent to help fix the other villages in the surrounding area. They did the same with all the huts in the village, helping to patch them up and to rebuild the ones that were destroyed in that attack. They did do a bit extra for us, though. Hidehiko-sama said it was in acknowledgment of the fact that this is your home. They're all very fond of you after what you did for them in the attack."

"Oh," Kagome said, flushing slightly at the praise. "I hardly did much. That was very kind of them, though. It sounds as if things have been going well."

Her mother nodded.

"It took a bit to get everything in place after you left," she said. "And the loss of Kaede-sama was hard on us all. But the Tennō-sama has made good on all of the promises that Miroku-sama made when he asked to take you from us. A spiritualist has been sent to live among us. His name is Yasunori-sama. I'm sure you'll like him. And the taiji-ya have also been serving as guards until they finish the work in the area building the ruined villages back up."

"The taiji-ya have helped us with the problem of the food shortage, as well. By pooling the food supplies of several villages in the area and redistributing according to need, they've made sure we'll all be fine well into the next harvest. Honestly, to hear some of the elders talk after you first left, you'd have thought that becoming connected to the court was the worst possible thing that could happen to us, but the Tennō-sama has been nothing but good and kind to us."

Kagome felt a thrill of pride go through her, but she quickly tucked it away. He was not something she was allowed to think about during the day, even if it was only to be proud of him.

"Then you'll be pleased to hear my reason for coming," Kagome said, reaching into the front of her robes for the small, sealed parchment she kept there. "The Tennō-sama has approved an offer to be made to all of the villages in order to bring them into closer relation with the court. His Majesty is offering them his protection in return for their support. I thought I might bring the offer here first to see how it would be received."

She held the parchment up so that her mother could see the Tennō's seal stamped upon it in wax before opening it up and reading the terms of it to her. She listened attentively, though Kagome was well aware that she likely only understood bits and pieces.

"The Tennō-sama is making that offer to all of the villages?" she said once Kagome had finished, her eyes wide. "That's amazing, Kagome! Just to think how different it would be, all of us being connected to the court. You got his Majesty to do all this, didn't you?"

She turned a proud, knowing smile on her daughter. Kagome flushed, waving a dismissive hand.

"No, Mama," she said. "I encouraged the Tennō-sama, yes, but the decision was all his Majesty's in the end."

"Of course it was," she said, her smile not slipping a notch. "And it was pure coincidence that it all came about only after you went into the court."

Kagome opened her mouth to protest, but stopped short as her mother reached out and took her hands in her own.

"As much as you've grown, it seems you've still some growing to do," she said knowingly, pressing her hands. "I know how hard it was for you when you were little, Kagome. I watched you and worried for you every minute of every day. That power of yours, gift that it is, forced you to take on a lot of responsibility before you even knew what was what. I know how much you held yourself back for the sake of the others, and I'm proud of you for being the kind of person who could do it. Not many can. But I'm afraid in the midst of all that you missed out on something important."

She paused, meeting Kagome's eyes meaningfully.

"It's okay to be happy, Kagome," she said softly. "Maybe I don't know a lot, but I know this much. When you've worked as hard as you have, it's alright to take credit and be proud. It's okay to let yourself be happy. To shut all those feelings up, to deny them for the sake of others like you do, it isn't good, Kagome. Until you can accept yourself, even the parts of yourself that don't seem as good or as useful as others, you will only make it hard for yourself."

Kagome was silent, frowning as she met her mother's earnest gaze. She heard clearly in her mother's words the echo of the words Sango had spoken to her not so long ago. Strange, that she should hear such similar advice from two people so dear to her. She offered her mother a tentative smile, pressing her hands in return.

"I know, Mama," she said. "And thank you for caring enough to say it to me. I'm trying. I just…"

"I know, Kagome," her mother said, sighing softly. "It'll be more difficult for you than most, growing up as you did. As long as you keep trying. And just know that I would never have sent you away…I would never have done it if I didn't think that you would be happy. Somehow, somehow, I know you will be."

Her mother's eyes were fixed on their intertwined hands, the miko's skin now shockingly pale against the tan of her mother's, but Kagome could see clearly enough the weight of guilt that bent her mother's shoulders and furrowed her brow.

"Mama," she said with soft firmness, waiting until her mother raised her eyes. "As much as you know me, I know you. Whatever the village may have received by way of compensation, I know what you chose to do in letting me go was a sacrifice. And I know how much strength that takes. So don't you ever feel guilty for it, because I swear by the kami that I have never and will never blame you for it."

Her mother searched her eyes for a long moment, her mouth opening as if to speak. All that came out, though, was a weighty exhalation, followed by a small, grateful smile.

"Thank you, Kagome."

"Who do you think I learned it all from?" Kagome said, lips quirking up playfully.

Her mother chuckled, patting her hands once before releasing them. Turning, she picked up the armor and thread she had dropped upon Kagome's arrival.

"Well, then," she said, her grin widening. "Just let me finish and then we'll go see all the good my little girl has done for the villages. And maybe we'll see if we can get Jii-chan to stop torturing those poor young men with his stories while we're at it."

Watching her mother resume her work, humming a tune under her breath as she did, Kagome could not help but think that if she could just stay there, in her family's hut by her mother's side, she might be able to forget everything and live content for the rest of her life. It seemed like it had been forever since she had last felt so entirely comfortable.

"Whatever you want, Mama."

---

True to her word, it took her mother only a few minutes to finish mending the armor. Afterwards they went in search of Hidehiko and Kagome's companions, finding them after a short search examining the new village temple. Gone was the flimsy, hut-like structure in which Kagome had spent so many hours of her youth training, replaced by a solid wooden structure that vaguely resembled some of the smaller wings of the Chūwain.

Kamo no Yasunori, the new village spiritualist that her mother had mentioned, was also among the group, speaking about the temple and his pleasure at having been assigned to the village. He was a relatively young man, new to the order of growing onmyōji within the court, but he was warm and enthusiastic about his duties. Kagome took an instant liking to the feel of his aura, though the praise he lavished on her upon learning who she was was slightly embarrassing.

Their introduction was not the only one to be made, though. Her mother already knew Hidehiko-she seemed very, very familiar with him, Kagome noted curiously-but she had yet to meet either Sango or Shippou. Kagome made the introductions with a distinct sense of pleasure, never before having thought it possible that all the people she cared so deeply for would meet because of the distinct worlds in which they all lived.

Her mother had already heard a great many favorable things about her best friend from Hidehiko, but even had that not been the case she would have embraced her warmly if only for her relation to Kagome. She fussed equally over Shippou, Kagome's adopted charge, and the kitsune positively glowed beneath the affection she lavished on him. Seeing her mother interact with the child, Kagome was strangely aware of the fact that she was yet a relatively young woman.

If the glance she caught out of the corner of her eye was any indication, Hidehiko's thoughts ran parallel to her own. Kagome stored that thought away to be mulled over at another time.

The taiji-ya of her guard made their own introductions as Kagome was not yet well enough acquainted with them to presume to do so. Once all the formalities of first meeting had been observed, the group resumed their tour of the village, led by Hidehiko and accompanied by Yasunori.

They had stabled the horses they had rode in on in a new make-shift stable built by the taiji-ya which Hidehiko took them back around to for Kagome's benefit. It was a bit less well-constructed than the temple and her family's home¸ but as it really only served the taiji-ya they had not taken too much time in constructing it. No one in the village was wealthy enough to own and keep a horse, so the structure would likely be broken down when the time came for the taiji-ya to depart.

The work done on the huts was largely as her mother had described. The few that had been destroyed in the attack had been rebuilt as sturdy wooden structures. The huts that had not been destroyed had been refortified, the roofs thatched with new materials and the walls patched. A few huts that had not been destroyed had been rebuilt anyway out of consideration for the exceptionally large families that they housed. Her mother was right, though, in saying that their hut had been given special attention in its design.

The taiji-ya had also taken the time to fell a number of trees that had grown close on the border of the village, both for the sake of harvesting the wood and for the space it provided. In a few months the cleared land could be used to plant more crops.

As they went about they were joined by a number of the villagers who came out to say hello to Hidehiko as they saw him passing and to investigate the unusually large group. They were thrilled to discover Kagome among the group, their attitudes much altered since her last visit in light of all the positive changes that had since been made.

They bowed and praised her endlessly for her great deeds. Kagome was not certain exactly what they had heard, but she felt rather certain from their reactions that it must have been grossly exaggerated. The miko was at a bit of a loss as to how to respond, having expected to meet with at least some animosity in light of the errand on which she had come and the manner in which she had left the village the last time.

As Yasunori informed her, though, her barrier was holding up magnificently with occasional fortifications on his part, and despite continued restlessness on the part of the wild youkai there had been no harm done to the village whatsoever since she had left. Yasunori had also taken the liberty, he said, of attempting to recreate her technique in creating barriers around the villages that the taiji-ya were in the process of rebuilding, though he demurred that his were nowhere near as powerful as her own.

As the tour and the day wore on more and more of the taiji-ya who were stationed in the villages began to join them, as well, the fading daylight necessitating an end to the day's work of reconstructing the nearby villages.

Souta and Kagome's grandfather returned among them. Kagome was astonished to find how much Souta had grown in such a short period, standing almost as tall as she herself did. Greater access to food had obviously done him well, and in the contented afterglow of a hard day's work well done he looked almost a man. She hugged him so tightly and for so long that he was almost forced to pry her off.

Jii-chan looked much the same as she remembered, though he had the same new glow of health present in many of the faces around her. Having so many new sets of ears to listen to his often nonsensical tales also seemed to have done him well. More introductions were made, and Kagome had the thorough pleasure of having nearly every person in the world for whom she cared all joined together and acquainted.

An impromptu celebration began as their numbers continued to swell with returning taiji-ya and villagers finished with the day's work. Near the center of the village the taiji-ya had constructed a large fire-pit, and the gathering centered around this. The villagers supplied what food they could, and Yasunori even brought out a few of the jugs of sake that he had brought with him from the court.

Instruments such as the shinobue and ōtsuzumi, family heirlooms within the village, were brought out of storage and the dances began around the fire-pit. Children and adults, villagers and courtiers alike, leapt and spun around the flames to the often improvised rhythms of the musicians. Perhaps the songs and the dancers were not elegant, but there was an earnest joy among them that Kagome was certain the court could scarcely match.

Kagome danced with her mother, with her brother, with her grandfather, with Shippou, with Sango, with Miroku, and even with villagers who had been wary of her from the time she was child. She watched Sango and Miroku dance around one another the whole of the celebration, never quite coming close enough to touch. She saw Hidehiko and her mother dancing often together. Even Souta had a young village girl that he was never long apart from. The sight of them, the simplicity of it all, caused a twinge in her, but the good cheer of the night was not soon dispelled.

There was one, however, who seemed untouched by the festivities. From the corner of her eye Kagome caught several glimpses of Kohaku, always lurking just on the fringes of the revelry. He put on a smile whenever their eyes happened to meet through the crowd, and Kagome got the odd feeling that perhaps he was watching her. At some point, though, he slipped away and she saw no more of him.

Kagome and her companions had come into the village intending to at least spend one night there, and as the fire began to die out and the celebration slowly began to break up Kagome drifted off with her family to spend the night in their hut. Shippou, asleep in her arms after having somehow gotten into one of the jugs of sake, came with her. Sango, Miroku, and the remainder of her guard went with the taiji-ya to spend the night in one of the several newly built huts designated for their use.

Inside the quiet of their hut, Kagome's mother dug out the extra futon that she had been saving for her daughter since her first departure from the village. Kagome tucked Shippou into it and lay down beside him. The rest of her family brought their futons close to her own, the four of them lying huddled together as they had done so often when she was young. They fell quickly to sleep after the excitement of the evening, and Kagome lay for a long time in the darkness of the hut listening to them breathe all around her.

She took the bead from her robes for only a few moments, probing shallowly into the bond to assure herself that Inuyasha was still well. She felt a brief flash of deep-rooted anger through it, but it seemed nothing beyond Inuyasha's usual ire. The warmth of her family surrounding her on all sides, Kagome did not allow herself to worry over it as long as she might have on other nights.

She slept soundly.

---

Despite the late night and the excitement of the previous day, Kagome awoke early the next morning. The gray light of dawn was only just beginning to peek beneath the entryway hanging into the hut, and the others still slept soundly all around her.

For a few minutes Kagome simply tried closing her eyes and going back to sleep. Shippou was warm where he curled against her side beneath the blankets, and the soft breathing of her family lulled her. Try as she might, though, she could not fall fully back asleep.

With some strategic wiggling she managed to disentangle herself from both the kitsune and the futon, slipping out of it. Carefully she stepped over her brother, who slept messily with his arms splayed wide and a trail of drool running down one cheek, and she tiptoed from the hut.

The morning was chilly, but the air was refreshing as she breathed it deep into her lungs. Wrapping her arms about herself to keep warm, Kagome decided to go for a walk around the village to check the different points of the barrier. Not that she doubted Yasunori's work in the least, but going back into the hut would undoubtedly end in her waking someone.

Thus she found herself wandering the perimeter of the village as the gray light of dawn warmed slowly towards the golden light of morning, stopping every now and again to press a hand to certain points in the barrier. It felt slightly strange to her now, infused as it was with Yasunori's energy, but it was strong and still largely composed of her own power. If she concentrated she cold also sense faintly, ever so faintly, Kaede's power left over from the stones she had used to construct it.

The feel of that energy tugged at her heart. For awhile, just to ease the ache of it, she pretended to herself that she was out merely checking the barriers for Kaede-sama, and in an hour or so she would climb the hill to the rickety temple and give her report. And Kaede-sama would be waiting there for her with tea, and she would know nothing of jewels or the court or betrayal. They would simply have tea together.

Unfortunately all of her pretending only deepened the ache, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth.

She wandered towards the small plot of graves on the far edge of the village once she had finished with the barrier. By then people were beginning to emerge from their homes, preparing for the day's work, but she managed to avoid most of them by keeping to the edges of the village.

The plot was relatively small, containing a number of headstones in various shapes and sizes. For the most part they were well kept, regularly washed and attended by living relatives as the rites demanded, but here and there a few had crumbled into disrepair when a person died with no family to succeed them.

There were no actual bodies buried beneath the headstones. The taint of death on the place would have been too great, and her village had long observed the Shintō tradition of cremation to free the spirit from the body upon death. The headstones served primarily as markers in remembrance of the person's life and places for the families to come to pay respects.

Kaede's grave was tucked away in a corner reserved for the village spiritualists. Someone had taken up the care of it, as the stone was clean with small offerings of food sitting before it despite Kaede having no blood relatives within the village. Kagome knelt before it, her eyes tracing slowly over the kanji that formed Kaede's name.

For a moment, staring at the small stone, bitterness rose in her throat like bile to choke her. She had never really had much time to grieve the woman who given her so much of her time and affection. Partly she avoided thinking about, deeply reluctant to acknowledge those last few minutes with her mentor that threatened to taint the entirety of their time together.

She still did not want to think about it. Instead her mind turned in another direction, a thought of a different kind taking hold of her.

What if she had never left Kaede-sama? What if she had never left the village?

The thought struck her with force. Perhaps because she had never truly entertained it before. But it occurred to her suddenly that had she not left Kaede-sama would likely still be alive and she would be safe from the knowledge of her mentor's betrayal. She would be with her family. And she would not be struggling beneath the burden of her own feelings.

Kagome sat there as if frozen, her eyes no longer fixed on the grave marker. She felt suddenly heavy, fixed to the spot as if she would never move again. Dark and awful as she knew her thoughts were, she could not shake them.

"'Fujiwara Kaede'? Is that someone you knew?"

Kagome blinked, the voice drawing her up from the depths of her thoughts. It was most definitely familiar, but so unexpected that she could not place it for a long moment. Slowly she turned around.

"Kouga-sama?"

One corner of the wolf Lord's mouth turned up rakishly, his blue eyes bright in the morning light.

"Hey, Kagome," he said, speaking her name with such genuine joy that she felt her own lips quirk involuntarily upward for a moment. "Miss me?"

"What…?" Kagome began, then stopped and shook her head. "What are you doing here? How in the world did you find me?"

Kouga frowned, having expected a much more enthusiastic welcome. He squatted down on his haunches until his eyes were on level with hers.

"You promised you'd come to me after you left the court," he said lowly. "Remember?"

Of course Kagome remembered. It was difficult to forget a promise of the magnitude she had made to Kouga. However, while the thought had occurred to her upon her departure from the court, she had not had the faintest idea where to go about looking for him. She had been relatively certain that he was no longer in the court, but until the end Inuyasha had never offered her even a hint of what he had done with the wolf Lord.

"I posted a couple of my men around the court after I left," Kouga said. "They saw when you headed out, just like you said you would. Since I've been movin' around since I left, I figured you wouldn't know where to find me. So I had them report back to me when they saw you were on the move. They're not nearly as fast as me, though, so it took me a bit to catch up to you after they finally reached me."

"So Inuyas-I mean, the Tennō-sama…he didn't actually do anything to you?" Kagome asked, confused.

The wolf Lord did not appear to be any the worse for wear. By why would the hanyou have been so cagey with her about it had nothing actually happened?

"The mutt?" Kouga scoffed, tossing his head with as disdainful snort. "Oh, he tried something alright. Morning after we talked I was getting ready to come see you when he barged in and started throwing punches. Not like he was any match for me or anything, but he wrecked the place and told me I was banished from the court and that he'd kill me if he caught me around his servant again. Keh. Like I ever wanted to be stuck in his fucking court."

Kagome blinked at him, her eyes growing wide. Her mouth worked silently for a few moments before she could get beyond her disbelief at Inuyasha's utter thoughtlessness.

"Oh, Kouga-sama, please, the Tennō-sama…his Majesty didn't mean it. His Majesty must have misunderstood something and overreacted," she said, well aware how flimsy the words were even as they left her lips. "You haven't…you won't turn against his Majesty, will you? Please…"

"I was never on that mutt's side," Kouga cut her off, meeting her eye with no trace of his former grin. "And we both know there was no mistake. Mutt's wanted you for his own since I first saw you."

Kagome's stomach sank. Was it too late then? Had Kouga already moved against Inuyasha? He had a sizeable clan. What if they were planning to attack the court? What would happen to Inuyasha?

A hand came to rest against her cheek and Kagome nearly flinched in surprise. Kouga, seeing the distress growing across her features, offered her a half-grin.

"I made my deal with you, Kagome," he said. "All the stuff I did, I did it for you, not him. I mighta been pissed off, but I wasn't about to renege on our promise just because dog-shit decided to throw a hissy fit about it. Whatever benefit he might get out of my working to get the youkai to support the court, I'd say I'm getting the better deal here."

His thumb stroked affectionately along her cheekbone and Kagome felt a deep blush warm her face. She felt a twinge of guilt for having doubted him so readily.

"…Thank you, Kouga-sama," she said softly, her eyes falling to the bare earth between them.

"Wait to thank me 'til you've heard what I've done," Kouga said, the cocky grin blooming in full across his face once more. "I had to put a few of 'em in their place when I got back, but I got my clan to agree to throw their weight behind the court. The Eastern Wolf Tribe's yours, along with a few minor youkai clans who live inside my domain. I've been out talking to the Northern and Southern Wolf Tribes, too. Western one was killed off years ago. The Northern and Southern aren't nearly as big as mine, but they're something and they generally bow to my authority. Given time, I think they'll agree to it."

Blinking, Kagome raised astonished eyes to meet his. For a second time she was at a loss, though this was a far more pleasant shock. Kouga's grin stretched wide enough that she could see his fangs, gleaming as they peeked over his lower lip.

"How…in such a short time…?" she asked, an involuntary grin stretching to match his across her face.

"Outside that damn court, I'm a big man, Kagome," Kouga said, without the faintest hint of modesty.

A laugh escaped her. In light of this news, even the wolf Lord's gargantuan ego seemed a bit charming.

"I can't believe you," she murmured. "I really, truly cannot believe you. I mean, it's more than I could have asked for-"

"It's about time for a real reward then, isn't it?"

Before the smile had even fully faded from her lips, the wolf Lord leaned in and pressed his to hers.

The pressure of his lips was insistent, almost forceful, the hand against her cheek cupping more tightly as if to urge her response. Eyes wide, she felt one of his fangs graze her lower lip.

Kagome could not move. The shock of the kiss, though, was less than the shock of the memory that jolted through her. Another kiss, another hand against her cheek, a moonless night, and a deep warmth seeping through her that she did not feel now…

She jerked back. Kouga's eyes slid open, a smirk curling up the corners of his lips. Kagome scowled, jabbing one of her fists into his shoulder as hard as she could manage. He did not so much as blink.

"That was low," she snapped.

"That was just a taste of what's to come," Kouga said unrepentantly. "You're my woman now, remember?"

Kagome's frown deepened, but she was silent. There was little she could say to that or about the kiss, despite her discomfort with both. Essentially that was what she had promised Kouga, however she might resent his pushiness in claiming it from her, and she had promised herself that she would put in the effort with him in order to get rid of her feelings for…

Besides, strangely the kiss had bothered her less than the memory it had stirred. Kagome had diligently avoided thinking about that night-as it had been labeled in her mind-since it had happened. Something, some deep sense of foreboding, crawled across her skin every time any remembrance from that night attempted to surface in her mind. She could feel some thought, some heavy realization, pressing to be acknowledged whenever thoughts of that night asserted themselves.

Kagome scarcely knew what it all meant, but she knew it frightened her. And so she would not think about it.

Abruptly Kagome stood. She frowned down at the still-squatting wolf, crossing her arms over her chest.

"As I recall," she said sternly. "I said I would consider entertaining your attentions, Kouga-sama. Disrespect will certainly not incline me to view your offer with favor."

She started off out of the plot, moving swiftly away from the memories that had been stirred up as much as from the wolf Lord left blinking behind her.

He swiftly caught her up, though, his speed bringing him to her side in an instant. Glancing at him from the corner of her eye, Kagome was slightly irked to find no trace of an apology in his smiling face.

"Still got that fight in you, huh?" he said, a note of pride in his voice as if he himself had done something admirable. "Good. Things'll never get boring that way. Come on. This is your village, right? I wanna meet your clan."

He took hold of her wrist, tugging her forward as if he had any idea where he was going.

Kagome stumbled after him, protesting and wondering exactly what she had gotten herself into with the wolf Lord.

---

Thankfully many of the villagers were already out at their work by then, so Kouga's boisterous entry into her village did not cause too much of a stir. Unfortunately there was no deterring him from his determination to meet her family-they, too, were joining his clan, he argued-but Kagome did manage with a series of covert pinches and barely veiled threats to at least keep him from declaring his intent towards her to them.

Her mother greeted him warmly and did not seem to be phased in the least by the fact that he was a youkai or his strange dress. Her brother and grandfather, on the other hand, were wary, sitting largely in stony silence as they sized up the intruder in their home and attempted to puzzle out his relation to Kagome.

It came as a great relief to the harried village girl when Yasunori came to fetch her. She had arranged the previous day to have a meeting with her village's headman to discuss the Tennō's offer of support to the villages. Yasunori, overhearing this, had asked to be allowed to sit in on the meeting in the capacity of the village's new spiritualist. Kagome had readily agreed, hoping that Yasunori's position as a courtier would prove a boon to her in the meeting.

Kagome was torn, though, as to what to do with the wolf Lord. On the one hand having him present at the meeting was undoubtedly a bad idea, but she was not sure if it was a worse idea than leaving him alone with her family to say goodness only knew what.

However, it turned out that her brother and grandfather were leaving to go assist the taiji-ya for the day. Her mother offered to occupy Kouga until she was able to settle things with the headman, and Kagome was left with no choice but to agree despite her wariness of the rather significant glances her mother was continuously shooting her. Leaving Kouga with her mother and Shippou for what would hopefully only be a brief while seemed the least evil of all of her choices.

Resigned to whatever might come of it, Kagome set off with Yasunori to the village headman's hut. It, too, had been redone in the manner of her own family's hut in a show of respect for the headman.

The headman was waiting for them when they arrived, a pot of tea warming over the fire pit. He was an elderly man, one of the oldest and most experienced in their village, though he did not look feeble in the least. Rather he was sturdy like an old oak, all gnarled limbs and scars and lean muscle from years and years of hard work in the village. He greeted them solemnly, though not without a hint of warmth, his eyes dark beneath craggy white brows.

Kaede had essentially been his right hand within the village when she was alive, as was traditional between headmen and spiritualists, and thus Kagome had been familiar with the man since she was young. He had never quite looked young in any way to Kagome, but seemed to have aged greatly since the elder miko's passing.

Yasunori and Kagome both stopped to bow in the entryway before coming to kneel on the cushions laid out for them across from the headman. He nodded in acknowledgment of the gesture, reaching to take the kettle from over the fire and to carefully pour some into a mug set before each cushion.

"Before you begin," said the headman, his back straightening as he turned to face them both. "There is something that I would like to say to you, Miko-sama."

Kagome paused, mug of tea halfway to her lips, at the formal address. She blinked, slowly setting mug back down to give the elder her full attention. When it seemed he wanted some gesture from her to go on, she nodded her head in acknowledgment.

Slowly, positioning his hands at just the perfect angle before him, the headman bowed to her until his bald, weathered head nearly touched the wooden floor. Kagome was vaguely glad that she had not taken that sip of her tea, as she was certain she would have been choking on it.

"For what you have done for this village and my people, I thank you," he said lowly, not rising an inch from his bow. "I know-we all know-what would have become of us had things continued as they were. We could not have survived it. Your sacrifices and efforts on our behalf will never be forgotten, especially in light of the fact that it was all done under no obligation save the prompting of your own conscience. Rightfully it should have been me who stepped up, but I thank you for doing what I could not."

"Oh, no…I-I really…Please, don't bow, I…" Kagome stammered, at a loss.

She shot a pleading glance at Yasunori, but he merely smiled broadly at her and offered a small deferential bow of his own. Thankfully the village headman raised himself back up, his old face cracking in perhaps the first smile she had ever seen from him.

"Needless to say, I'm inclined to follow your judgment on this new offer from the Tennō-sama in light of all that you and his Majesty have already done for us," he said, spreading his hands open before him in a gesture of welcome. "Though I would like to hear the terms."

Hesitating, Kagome merely stared at him for several long moments. Despite the warm welcome she had been given since her arrival, she had not expected it to be anywhere near this easy. Slowly she nodded, recollecting herself and reaching into the front of her robes to pull out the parchment with the imperial seal of the chrysanthemum upon it.

"These are the terms of the new arrangement his Majesty is offering to the villages," she said.

She handed the parchment to Yasunori, aware of his role there as a sort of interpreter in light of the fact that headman could read very few kanji and knew almost nothing of the formality of traditional court language. Yasunori unfolded it, his eyes skimming over the writing there thoughtfully.

"The terms seem reasonable to me," he said after a moment, looking up to meet the headman's gaze. "Mutually beneficial to both the court and the villages. And it does not look as if this village's current arrangement would be too considerably altered."

"Read it to me," said the headman. "I'm not a learned man, but I will try to understand."

Yasunori nodded, bringing the parchment back up to read.

"His Majesty offers tools to be supplied by the court to aid in cultivating each year's harvest, the appointment of a spiritualist to each village requiring one, which would be myself in this case, a supply of weapons and martial training for the men of the village, and guaranteed aid from the court in times of disaster," Yasunori read.

"In return for these guarantees, his Majesty asks for one fourth of every harvest made, to be stored in the court and redistributed among the villages as need dictates, for the military loyalty and support of the men of the villages in times of war or conflict, and for the villages to submit to the authority of a governor appointed to each village by his Majesty to enforce the terms of the agreement."

Kagome's eyes remained trained on the headman while Yasunori read from the parchment, trying to gauge his reaction. He was hard to read, though, his stolid, weathered expression unmoving. As Yasunori finished he was silent, only the crackle of the fire sounding in the room.

"What are your thoughts, Miko-sama?" he said at last, turning to her.

"I think the villages will be sacrificing some of their autonomy," Kagome answered readily, having already looked the offer over several times to familiarize herself with everything. "But in return they will be getting security for themselves. I know the idea of giving up authority entirely to the court might be frightening, but I can assure you that the Tennō-sama is a good man. His Majesty would never abuse any power that you allow him."

The headman nodded slowly, folding his arms as he considered this.

"Then it is decided," he said at last. "I speak for this village in submitting to his Majesty's terms."

"Truly?" Kagome could not keep herself from saying, scarcely able to believe that it was really, truly going to be so simple. Not after her life had been so distinctly un-simple for the past several months in the court.

"Truly," he said, smiling faintly at her tone. "Though I will be depending on you to keep his Majesty in check through all of this."

Kagome smiled, a sound that was half-laugh and half-exhalation escaping her. She nodded readily.

"Of course," she said. "I intend to continue advising the Tennō-sama on the handling of the villages for as long as his Majesty will listen to me."

"Good," said the headman. "Yasunori-sama and I will explain everything to the villagers, as I know you've got to be on your way soon. I doubt there will be much in the way of objection. Is there anything else you need, Miko-sama? Anything the village can offer is yours."

Automatically Kagome's mouth opened to respond in the negative, but she paused. She had been turning over an idea since entering the village and finding it so well off. In light of the easy acceptance of the new terms, it seemed an even better idea than it had before.

"There is one thing," she said after a beat. "I have visited a number of other villages, and I have found that many of them are deeply resistant to the idea of being connected to the court any way. I was thinking that if perhaps I were to have someone from this village accompany me when I go to speak to the other villages they might be more easily persuaded, hearing from someone like themselves who has experienced firsthand what a good thing a connection to the court can be."

"You'd like me to ask one of the villagers to accompany you, then?" he asked.

"If you would," Kagome said. "Anyone who would be willing and able to spare a few months of their time. It would be a great help to me."

"I'll ask around to see who might be willing," the headman said. "As to the governor who's to be installed to enforce the new terms, when should we expect him?"

"When I left I believe his Majesty was going to begin the process of selecting courtiers he believed to be trustworthy enough to hold those positions," Kagome replied. "They will not be installed until after I have returned to the court to report to his Majesty, so it will likely be a matter of months yet."

"Good, then we will have time to prepare for his arrival," Yasunori said, smiling as he refolded the parchment and handed it back to Kagome.

"Or hers," Kagome put in, offering him a smile as she took it back.

Yasunori blinked, surprised. Obviously the thought had not occurred to him.

"Yes, of course," he said, though he sounded a bit uncertain. The headman frowned.

"Well, then," Kagome said, tucking the parchment back safely into her robes. "I thank you both for being so open. Truly you will not regret it. I need to go inform my companions so that we can begin preparing to start out. If you will both excuse me."

She bowed and they both bowed in return, promising to come find her as soon as they could find someone willing and able to accompany the group of their mission. After thanking them both once more, Kagome exited the hut.

For a moment she simply stood there, a chill in the air despite the afternoon sun beaming down on her. She drew in a deep breath. Released it. She smiled, a quiet laugh escaping her.

With a slight bounce in her step, she set off to find Sango and Miroku. One down and the kami only knew how many more to go.

There was something missing, though. Normally after achieving one of these little victories she would go straight away to tell-

Kagome froze mid-step, her mood instantly slipping several notches. She frowned, irritated that the thought had even half-occurred to her.

Biting down on her lip a bit punishingly, she continued much more sedately to find her companions.

---

She decided it best to fetch Kouga before going to Miroku and Sango. As her liaison to the youkai clans outside of the court, she thought it important that he be involved in the planning of how they would proceed from here. Also, she did not want him alone with her mother any longer than necessary.

Miraculously he did not seem to have said anything untoward about their relationship to her mother, although the woman even in her infinite graciousness seemed a bit flustered by the wolf Lord's rather large personality. She did, however, shoot Kagome a look that said clearly enough they would be having a discussion later about this second man she had brought into their home. Mentally Kagome sighed.

Shippou decided to stay with her mother who had quickly gained his affections by plying him with attention and food since they had arrived and Kagome led Kouga to the group of new huts that currently housed the taiji-ya who had been staying in the village. As she had expected, they found Miroku and Sango sitting together on a small porch out front of one of the huts, a map between them. They were not speaking, though, and Sango's frame was decidedly tense and she stared unblinkingly down at the map.

They were both visibly surprised at the wolf Lord's arrival. They had been aware of Kagome's acquaintance with him and his presence in the court, but as far as they knew he was close with the Taira and could have no reason for having followed them save an insidious one. Kagome hastily gave them a rather edited explanation of what he had been doing on her behalf with the Taira and what his part was to be in their mission outside the court, carefully skirting around the issue of their exact relation to one another.

Kouga looked rather dissatisfied at this, but satisfied himself instead with slinging a possessive arm around her shoulders. Miroku raised a brow. Sango looked on the verge of protesting, but Kagome merely shook her had wearily at the both of them. She would explain things to them later without the complication of Kouga's presence.

When the awkward greetings were through, they all sat down together around the map. Kagome noticed that Miroku had taken the time to sketch in her village's location on the map which they had brought with them from the court. This was how they planned to keep track of the villages that agreed to join with the court under the Tennō's offer, as well as using it simply to get a better understanding of the land's lay-out. The cartographers of the court had proved through their maps to be remarkably unconcerned with most of the lands outside of the court, save a few important trade ports and the residences of courtiers.

Kagome explained to the three what had happened in her meeting with the village headman and asked what their opinions were as to how they should proceed. They all considered this for some time before Miroku spoke up.

"Considering the positive response we have received here," he said. "I think it prudent that we visit the surrounding villages in this area to speak to them as well before moving on. With all the help they have been receiving from the taiji-ya, I believe they would likely be just as receptive to the Tennō-sama's terms as your village has been, Kagome-chan."

Kagome nodded.

"That sounds wise," she said. "We had best to do as much as we can in this area before moving on."

"I don't know much about the human villages," Kouga put it. "But if I remember right there's a big kitsune clan that lives around here. They've got minor clans under them all across Japan, so they'd probably be worth talking to."

He pointed to a spot on the map a short way upriver from Kagome's and the other villages.

"Kitsune are notorious for keeping no loyalties save to their own, though," Sango said. "They are tricksters through and through. Do you really think they would be willing to aid his Majesty?"

Kouga shrugged, shaking his head.

"Dunno," he said. "But their clan is one of the big seven outside of the court."

"Big seven?" Kagome echoed. Miroku and Sango turned to him curiously as well.

"The big seven," Kouga said once more, as if the repetition would enlighten them.

After a beat, when they all continued to stare blankly at him, he added, "The big seven are the seven youkai clans who have control of some of the largest territories in Japan outside the court. Most of them are spread out to control different parts of their territory-East clans, West clans, stuff like that-but they're all generally connected to each other. I'm head of the Eastern Wolf Clan, for instance. The Wolf Clan is one of the big seven, divided up into the Eastern, Southern, and Northern Clans. The others are the Kitsune Clan, the Bakeneko Clan, the Ningyō Clan, the Ryū Clan, the Oni Clan, and the Tanuki Clan."

"And are the youkai outside of those clans subject to their authority?" Miroku asked.

Kouga shrugged.

"The seven are usually more interested in themselves than trying to control all the small-fry wandering around out there," he said. "Unless they encroach on our territory or start making trouble for us, they're on their own."

"So these big seven," Kagome said thoughtfully. "These would be the youkai to focus on when looking for support? It sounds as if asking the youkai outside the clans might be an exercise in futility, seeing as they are not bound to any particular region or loyalty."

"Sounds about right," Kouga said, nodding. "Though I can't say how many of the seven you'll be able to convince. They're pretty self-sufficient, so they haven't got a lot of interest in the court. The ningyō are especially hard to get at, since they don't come up onto land much."

"Well, I will depend upon you for whatever aid you can give me in dealing with them," Kagome said. "As to the human villages, I think we will need to employ a similar strategy with them. We can't afford to spend that much time finding and negotiating with every village that might be spread out there across Japan."

"I was thinking the same thing," Sango said. "And I thought it might be wise to go into it as one goes into battle. We need to speak the villages that are, strategically speaking, the most essential."

"And which do you think those are?" Miroku said, turning to her.

"Well," Sango said thoughtfully, her eyes sliding to the map between them.

She traced one slender finger along the length of the eastern coast. Then she pointed to several points on the islands of Kyushu and Hokkaido.

"These areas would be the first line of defense in case of a foreign threat, in addition to containing important trade ports," she said. "Control the coast and you can control what comes in and out."

Next she traced her finger along three large rivers.

"Along these rivers is where we will likely find some of the most fertile lands in the country," she said. "Which will yield the largest harvests and likely contain the largest populations, meaning that they will provide both the greatest amounts of food and the most potential soldiers."

Now she pointed to several of the numerous clan residences scattered across the land, each of them having already been marked by the cartographer who had compiled the map.

"Last would be the villages already attached to residences," she said. "These will be a bit tricky, but I think they are worth going after. A great number of them are exploited by the courtiers whose lands they live on, which is reason enough, but because of that we would also be taking potential soldiers from the personal armies kept by some of the courtiers. And the lands of the courtiers have always been strategically situated for battle, so the villages would offer a number of good offensive and defensive positions."

At last she looked up, some of the certainty fading from her demeanor as she searched their faces.

"Well?" she said after moment, slightly anxious.

"Excellently reasoned, Sango-sama," Miroku said, beaming at her. "And I am in full support of your plan."

An answering smile spread across her face, accompanied by a pleased flush of color. Looking at the two, Kagome knew that this must be the reconciliation of whatever argument they had been having when she had arrived.

"I agree," she added, deeply impressed by her friend's obvious tactical knowledge. "It sounds perfect, Sango-chan. It is a lot of ground to cover, but now that we have the youkai it should be easier. And once we return to the court we can have others sent out to speak to the villages that we cannot get to."

"Then it is settled," said Miroku, nodding decisively. "I believe the youkai are being readied and saddled for us by the taiji-ya right now. You will be accompanying us, will you not, Kouga-sama? Should I call to have a mount arranged for you, as well?"

"Ha," Kouga scoffed, pointing to his fur-clad legs. "Trust me, houshi, I'm the fastest thing around. It'll be a hassle to go slow enough for all of you to keep up, but I wanna stick with Kagome so I'll put up with it."

Miroku's smile faltered slightly, but he nodded.

"Very well, then," he said. "I will go and see to the final preparations. We will meet at the stables at high noon?"

Kagome and Sango nodded. Miroku rose and, with a smile and a bow, left them to go oversee the arrangements. Sango rose, as well.

"I am going to go find my father and my cousins to say farewell," she said. "I will see the both of you in a bit. Please say goodbye to your family for me, too, Kagome-chan."

Kagome nodded in agreement and waved as the woman left them. She folded up the map carefully and tucked it away, intending to return it to Miroku later so that he could continue to sketch in the locations of the villages as they came across them.

She turned to Kouga, frowning slightly. Once again she was not quite certain what to do with him. She wanted to go to say good-bye to her mother, but had no desire to do so with him in tow.

"Kouga-sama…"

The wolf Lord, busily scratching behind one pointed ear, paused and turned to her.

"Huh?"

"I was wondering…" Kagome began tentatively, wincing slightly at his uncouth behavior. "I need to go say good-bye to my mother before we set out. Could you possibly accompany Miroku-sama to help him with the preparations while I do so? I am certain he would appreciate it."

Actually she was quite certain he would not appreciate it in the least. But Miroku's nature was certainly the most easy-going of them all, and he undoubtedly would be able to best tolerate Kouga's presence. Or at least pretend very well to tolerate it. And it would keep Kouga out of trouble for a bit. Kagome wondered vaguely why it felt like she had acquired a second ward to care for instead of a potential suitor.

Kouga looked a bit crestfallen.

"Your mother will be part of my clan soon," he argued, a bit petulantly. "I should come with you."

"I haven't quite explained all that to her yet," Kagome said. "And I would like to do it on my own. That…that's the way humans do it, after all. So, please…"

She shot him a pleading look. He frowned for a long moment, resisting, before his gaze slid away with a faint pout forming around his mouth.

"Fine," he huffed, rolling his eyes. "We'll do it the human way. But at least tell her she'n' your family are welcome to come live with the clan once we're mated. They'll be safer there than here, and I'll make sure my clan knows to treat them good even though they're human. I'm sure they'll like it with us there."

Kagome blinked, her mind jumping back to the first time she had met Kouga. Waking up in the clan's cave, surrounded by wolves and furs and the bones of animals the clan had consumed.

She tried to picture her mother there, busily working the hide of some freshly slaughtered animal into a pelt, or her grandfather, chatting idly with the wolves of the cave. She nearly laughed aloud at the absurdity of it. Kouga, however, looked entirely in earnest. She covered her mouth with a hand, swallowing back her mirth with no small amount of effort.

"I…will be certain to tell her you offered," she said, her voice still a bit thick with it. "Now, you go help Miroku-sama, and I will meet you when it is time to set off."

Kouga nodded, jumping up and tossing her a wave as he started off. A snort of laughter escaped Kagome at last as she watched him go, tail swaying behind him, and she pictured Souta in similar dress with his own faux-tail pinned to the back of his furs.

At the very least life with Kouga would never cease to be interesting.

---

Shippou and her mother were out front of her family's hut when Kagome arrived. Shippou was amusing her mother with his transformations, moving from fox to tree to badger to tiger to mushroom in the time it took to blink. His transformations were still a bit clumsy-his bushy little tail was present no matter what form he took- but her mother clapped and praised him wholeheartedly.

The kitsune leapt into her arms as she joined them, pleased to see her without Kouga and eagerly replacing whatever scent the wolf had left on her with his own. Carrying him, she went inside with her mother to sit.

Kagome explained what had happened during her meeting with the headman and the plan they had made for how they were to proceed, apologizing for having to leave so soon. Her mother assured her that it was fine and that she understood how pressing it was that they move quickly, but continued to watch Kagome with a vaguely expectant arch to her brows even after she had finished.

With an internal sigh Kagome realized that she could only dance around the subject for so long.

"About Kouga-sama…" she began reluctantly, busying her hands with stroking Shippou's tail in an attempt at nonchalance. "I hope he didn't give you any trouble. He's a bit…ah, rough around the edges, but he's helped me a great deal since we first met."

"He wasn't any trouble," her mother said reassuringly. "He was certainly…different, but no trouble. In fact I think he was trying very hard to be polite. Very polite."

Kagome did not miss the carefully placed emphasis, but was not at all certain she wanted to address it. She continued to stroke Shippou's tail, her gaze fixed on the furry red appendage. Silence swelled, filling the room.

"I wanted you to come out with it on your own," her mother sighed at last. "But if you won't then I'll just have to ask, Kagome. I won't let you just go off and leave me buzzing with all these questions."

"…What is it you want to know, Mama?" Kagome said, stilling her hands and looking up at her.

"What is he to you?" her mother asked gently. "How do you feel about him?"

Thankfully all of the stroking had put Shippou nearly to sleep in her lap. Kagome watched his lids flutter as he struggled to hold onto consciousness while she considered how to answer.

"I don't know," she said at last, at a loss. "He's…a good man, I think."

"He is," said her mother softly, nodding. "He is also very much in love with you, if I'm not mistaken."

Kagome bit her lip. Though she had hoped otherwise, she had known her mother would not fail to see it.

"You don't feel the same?" her mother asked after a beat of silence.

"I don't know," Kagome said, hands twisting absently in the fabric of her hakama. "I like him well enough. He's made his intentions towards me clear and I'm…I'd like to be able to reciprocate, eventually. I'm trying to give him a chance. Don't you think I should, Mama?"

Her mother was silent for a long moment. Kagome found that she could not lift her gaze to look at her.

"What ever happened to that other young man?" she said at last. "Inuyasha-sama. What happened to Inuyasha-sama?"

Kagome felt her entire body go tense. If there was one thing she had hoped her mother would not bring up…

"Why do you ask that, all of the sudden?" she asked faintly, although she knew well enough.

"I was just recalling how comfortable you seemed to be with him, is all," her mother said, eyeing her intently. "With Kouga-sama you just seem…tense. And Inuyasha-"

"Inuyasha-sama had to stay in the court," Kagome said hurriedly, certain that she did not want to hear whatever was to come out of her mother's mouth next. "And I'm still getting used to Kouga-sama. We haven't spent much time together before this. It's only natural to be a little tense, right?"

Her mother frowned slightly, looking at her for a long moment.

"…I only want you to be happy, Kagome," she sighed at length. "You seemed happy when you were with Inuyasha-sama, despite everything that was going on at the time."

Kagome's hands clenched in her lap. Shippou stirred slightly and she drew a deep breath, trying to relax.

"That's over now. All of it," she said, the words coming out more harshly than she had meant them to. "I mean…don't you think I could be happy with Kouga-sama?"

She hazarded a glance up at her mother. She needed confirmation. Even just the slightest bit of reassurance. Her mother met her gaze, brow furrowed in concern.

"Kagome…" she said, shaking her head. "I'm not certain that feelings work that way. That you can force yourself like that."

Kagome's heart sank into her stomach. Her gaze slid back to her lap.

"I have to try, at least," she murmured. "I don't know what else to do, Mama."

She heard a faint rustling as her mother came to kneel at her side. She wrapped her arm around her shoulders, squeezing her lightly to keep from waking the kitsune in her lap.

"Then try, Kagome," she said softly, leaning down to press a kiss to her temple. "And I'll support you if that's what you need. You're very bright. I know you'll be able to figure it all out, and I trust that you'll make the decisions that are best for you."

Kagome tilted her head back to look up at her. The older woman offered her a gentle smile. Kagome tried to return it.

Her mother had always trusted her. From the time she was very young she had trusted her to make the right decisions and do the right things, all on her own. Kagome had always been grateful for it, the trust and the freedom her mother allowed her.

Right then, though, she felt she might have given anything to just have someone tell her what the right thing was.

---

She said her farewell to her mother before setting off, asking her to give her love to Souta and Jii-chan as she did not have enough time to go to them. Before heading to the stables to join her companions, she stopped by the headman's house to inquire about the request she had made earlier.

He informed her that a young man in a family of several brothers both younger and older than himself had eagerly volunteered, and that he had sent him ahead to the stables already. Kagome thanked him and assured him that a governor would be sent along as soon as her mission was completed.

At the stables her companions were already saddling up, along with Kouga and one other new addition. It was a young man Kagome had known from the time she was little. They were nearly the same age and his family's hut was only a short distance from hers. He bowed to her and identified himself as the one who had volunteered to accompany her, though he could not quite meet her eyes.

After a bit of conferring and last minute checking, the entire company was ready to set out. Everyone had their own youkai mount save Kouga, Shippou, and the village boy joining them, whose name was Haru. Shippou rode with Kagome and Haru with Miroku, as he had not the slightest notion of how to ride on his own. Everyone having already said their good-byes, they started out quickly.

Had they left the village a bit earlier they could easily have reached the next closest village before nightfall with their new youkai mounts. As it was night fell shortly before they could reach it and they decided to camp a ways away from the village and wait until morning to approach. They found a small clearing, Miroku set up wards, they unpacked their futons, started a fire, and ate from the food supply the taiji-ya staying in Kagome's village had prepared for them.

Shortly after she finished eating, Kagome sought out Sango. She had been quiet ever since they had set out, and now she sat alone outside of the circle of firelight. Kagome was not sure she had even eaten yet.

"Do you mind if I sit with you, Sango-chan?" she asked softly, gesturing to the futon on which she sat.

Sango hesitated a moment before moving aside, silently making space. Kagome took a seat beside her. She noted where the noblewoman's eyes were fixed, on her brother where he sat eating in the midst of the other taiji-ya.

She sat silent, waiting as unobtrusively as possible. Sango had allowed her to sit down. Surely she would share what was troubling her as soon as she was ready.

Sango's brow furrowed, her gaze falling away from Kohaku and into the leaping flames of their campfire. Kagome could see the flames dancing in the dark of her friend's pupils.

"You saw it, Kagome," Sango said at last, practically spitting the words as if they left a bitter taste in her mouth. "You heard my father. He trained me, but he has no faith in me. He does not think I can do anything on my own. He asked me before I left to consider allowing Kohaku to take point as co-lead with me on the mission as he has been out in the field more. To think, my own younger brother to take my mission from me."

She bit her lower lip, her back rigid with anger.

"Sango-chan..."

"Miroku, too," Sango pressed on hotly. "He keeps trying to convince me that my father must have meant for Kohaku to learn from me, not to take over the mission, but really he doesn't think I can do it on my own either! He must think me unfeminine for even wanting to-"

"Sango-chan," Kagome interrupted with gentle firmness, placing a hand on her friend's shoulder.

Sango paused, though anger still drew her features tight as she turned to look at her friend. Kagome's hand slid from her shoulder to take one of her clenched hands, pressing it until her grip relaxed a bit. She was slightly surprised. She had never seen her friend look quite so openly frustrated.

"Perhaps," she said slowly, thoughtfully, as she met her friend's dark gaze. "Perhaps your father…does not believe in you. Perhaps he does not think you capable of this."

Sango's expression fell almost in an instant, as if hearing it confirmed had drained all the fight from her. Kagome's heart twisted. She squeezed her friend's hand.

"But good people can get stuck in backwards notions the same as anyone," she pressed on. "And even from just the few times I have spoken with your father, I know a good part of it is simply worry for his daughter's safety, however misguided it might be. If there's one thing I've learned from my time in the court, it's that people don't change quickly or easily, but that they can change. If you want your father to change, or your clan to change, then you have to give them a reason to."

Sango blinked, some of the hurt slowly fading from her expression. Her glaze slid from Kagome's face down to their intertwined hands.

"You're right," she said softly. "I know you're right. I just…I feel frustrated. This…being out in the field, fighting and leading missions and protecting people…I have wanted to do this, truly do this, as far back as I can remember. And now that I am trying, the thought that even my own family will not support me…"

"Just give them time, Sango-chan," Kagome said gently, offering her friend an encouraging smile. "They obviously love you. Given time they will see that this is what makes you happy, and moreover it's what you're good at. And you know Miroku-sama and I are behind you whenever you need us."

Sango cast a guilty glance at the houshi where he sat amidst the group of taiji-ya across the fire from them. He appeared to be chatting amicably with Noriko about something, his usual polite smile firmly in place. Sango's expression soured slightly, her lips pursing at the sight.

"Perhaps…perhaps he has been trying to support me," she said grudgingly. "But he must think me unfeminine. I mean, I have been trying…"

She trailed off, her flush apparent in the light the fire cast across her cheeks. A frown tugged at her lips as she watched Miroku lean towards Noriko, gesticulating widely as he explained something to her. Kagome frowned, as well. It did not particularly appear to her as if Miroku was flirting with the woman any more than he flirted with any other woman, but his behavior was difficult to understand.

Knowing as she did how he felt about Sango, she would have expected him to eagerly reciprocate at any sign that the noblewoman might share his feelings. And Sango had certainly been making an effort since they had started out from the court. She always made a point of riding beside him, she consulted with him often, and Kagome had even overheard her telling him none-too-subtly that she had no qualms about marrying beneath her station if her feelings inclined her towards it. Sango was trying, and it was hard to miss her meaning.

But for all of her efforts, Miroku seemed unaffected. If anything he had only become more actively flirtatious with all of the women, including but not limited to Sango. Kagome had no idea what to make of it and no idea how to go about asking him what was going on without exposing her knowledge of both his and Sango's feelings.

"I don't think he thinks you unfeminine," she said at last. "Perhaps he simply hasn't noticed your efforts. Miroku-sama seldom takes things very seriously. Perhaps you need to be more straightforward with him. To simply come out and tell him how you feel."

"And if he does think me unfeminine?" Sango pressed, her eyes searching as she turned them back to her friend. "If he thinks that I am unmarriageable because I have chosen this path?"

Kagome's frown deepened, her eyes falling to the futon beneath them. She knew the answer to that better than she would have liked. The circumstances were different, but the problem was the same.

"As far as I can tell, life is…a series of choices that are put before us," Kagome said softly. "And choosing one thing generally means giving up something else. If he truly does feel that way, then I suppose the question becomes…how much would you give up for him?"

"Not this," Sango said softly, immediately. "I…I can see myself sacrificing a great many things for his sake. Not this, though. Not for anyone. Some things are too important."

Kagome offered her friend a weak smile.

"I understand."

"It would be nice if things were simple, wouldn't it?" Sango murmured, shooting one last glance at the houshi before turning back to Kagome. "I think I need to go apologize to Kohaku. I have been awful to him since we set out, and the kami know he means no harm."

"By all means," Kagome said, gesturing for her to go on.

Sango nodded, rising to stand. She shot Kagome a small, grateful smile.

"Thank you," she said.

Kagome shook her head.

"You are doing just fine, Sango-chan," she said. "You simply need someone to remind you every now and again."

Sango's smile widened, and she turned to go. She only made it two steps, though, before she turned back with a sudden frown.

"Do not think this means you have gotten out of explaining you-know-who to me," she said, darting a meaningful glance at the wolf Lord where he rested propped against a tree on the fringe of the camp. "I will get every last detail about that out of you, do you hear me?"

Kagome grimaced to herself as she watched Sango go to her brother. That was one conversation with her friend that she did not look forward to.

She watched for a time as Sango spoke to her brother. The conversation seemed to go well, though Kagome was finding more and more that Kohaku was difficult to read. Slowly the others began to disperse to their own individual futons to lie down. Kouga had refused the use of one, propping himself up against the trunk of a tree and quickly dozing off instead. Kagome moved to her own futon, where Shippou already lay snoring softly. She waited until most of the others appeared to be asleep before pulling the bead from her robes.

The connection was unusually clear that night. Inuyasha came immediately into focus, only his outline vaguely blurred.

Despite the late hour, he was not inside his chambers. No, he appeared to be near a pond somewhere…it looked vaguely familiar…

Suddenly the image clicked into place in her memory. He sat atop the same small hillock in his private gardens that they had sat atop together numerous times while conferring on court matters or having etiquette lessons, looking out over the same vast, dark pond. Misery sat like a weight in the hanyou's stomach, fixing him to that spot.

A crunch resounded in the silence of that place and Inuyasha swung to face it, blurring Kagome's vision for a moment as his hand moved instinctively to the hilt of the sword at his waist. She felt Inuyasha relax slightly before her vision refocused, his hand falling away from the sword.

Standing at the foot of the slight slope, the pale hue of her skin bright in the faint light of the moon, was Kikyou. A twig had snapped beneath her geta, and she gazed up at him with a look as close to sheepish as Kagome had ever seen her come.

"Kikyou," he said, and Kagome was surprised at the slight reluctance that welled up in him. "What're you doing out here?"

"I had intended to ask the same of you, my Lord," she said softly, ascending the slope. "I went to your chambers and found you missing. Why come out here when the evening is so cold?"

Despite the chill she knelt down to sit beside him, arranging the layers of her juni-hito carefully about her on the frozen ground. Instinctively Inuyasha shrugged his haori off, leaning over to drape it across her shoulders. Kikyou offered him a small smile, reaching up to tuck the haori more closely about her.

"I was sick of being holed up in there with all that fucking paperwork," he said by way of answer, turning to look out over the pond once more, "You should go back inside. You'll get sick."

He wanted to be alone with his misery, Kagome sensed. Kikyou, however, did not move, and Inuyasha could feel her eyes on him. He shifted, uncomfortable.

"Are you still having difficulty shifting the funds for the villages, my Lord?" Kikyou inquired after a moment.

"Uh," Inuyasha grunted in assent, annoyance prickling through him at the mere mention. "I've been tryin' to bargain with the Council, but there's only so much they'll let me access from the court treasury without knowing what I wanna do with it. Greedy bastards."

"Patience is key, my Lord," Kikyou returned calmly. "With time you will wear them down, I am certain. Besides…Kagome would be proud of all of the effort you have been putting in, I think."

Inuyasha tensed. He often tensed at the mention of her name, Kagome noted vaguely. She was more curious at the future Empress's rather pointed mention of her name.

Silence stretched for a few long moments. Kikyou's hand, her skin cool to the touch, came to rest gently atop Inuyasha's. He tensed further, but slowly wrapped his hand around hers in turn.

"You have looked unhappy since she left," Kikyou said at last, her voice slightly strained as she gripped his hand more tightly. "Do you…do you really regret allowing her to leave that much?"

"Kikyou…"

Guilt welled in him like bile, burning and acidic. He made as if to pull his hand away, but she held him fast. Her gaze was fixed out on the pond, but her dark eyes burned bright with some internal flame.

"I know how much you depended upon her," she pressed on, her voice soft but clear. "I know that the two of you became close after all that you suffered through together. I know that you confided in her and that you-"

"Kikyou, stop."

One tug brought her to him, whatever she might have said next lost as she came to rest against his chest. Inuyasha did not want to hear anymore. He would not hear anymore. He could feel her trembling slightly against him, and sharp pain mingled with the burning guilt. He held her more closely.

Kagome wanted to look away. She knew he was in no danger, and that was all she really needed to know. But she wouldn't stop. She couldn't. She needed to see this. She needed the image of the two of them burned so deeply into her mind that she would never forget it. Otherwise she would never get past this.

"Just…just quit it, Kikyou," he murmured lowly, shaking his head. "None of that matters anymore. I chose you, didn't I? Years ago I told you I wouldn't leave you alone. That I'd take care of you for as long as you needed me. So just stop, alright?"

"I know that," said Kikyou softly, her hands curling in the fabric of his juban. "Of course I know that. And I know that you would never break your word to anyone. I just…I worry sometimes that…that your word is the only thing…"

Her words tapered off into silence, as if she could not quite bring herself to finish. Instead her eyes slid shut, and she leaned slowly forward until her head rested against his chest. She drew a scarcely audible, shaky breath, clinging to him as a small child might, and a protectiveness and sympathy that bordered on painful welled and mingled within the hanyou. He brought a clawed hand up to rest gently atop her head.

"I'm here, aren't I?" he said, a low edge to his voice. "That's not gonna change, Kikyou, so quit worryin' about stupid shit. You and me…we're the same. So I understand, okay? I won't let you be alone."

Kikyou drew another small, shaky breath, the sound slightly muffled against Inuyasha's chest. Pain and guilt ate at him.

"I'm sorry, Kikyou," he muttered. "I'm sorry. I didn't…I didn't want you to think…"

"Don't apologize, Inuyasha," Kikyou murmured. "It is not like you, and it makes me think you have done something wrong."

Inuyasha was silent, grimacing. He certainly felt as if he had done something wrong. Resolve, though, was slowly creeping in at the feel of her small against him, mixed with nostalgia as it rose to wall over his guilt.

"I'm gonna take care of you, Kikyou," he murmured, his voice low and feeling. "I swear I won't let you get hurt anymore."

Kikyou pulled back slightly, dark eyes wide as she raised them to search his face. She looked for several long moments, something almost desperately expectant in her face. Inuyasha met her look in silence, uncertain.

"What?" he said at length when the silence grew too protracted.

Kikyou blinked, her eyes falling away from his face. A slight frown edged her lips, but she shook her head. She leaned back in, pressing close to his warmth once more.

"Nothing," she murmured softly, a fleeting note of disappointment in the word. "It is nothing. Just stay with me. I do not need anything else. I don't need…"

He nodded slightly, resolve firm as he tucked her carefully back against his chest. And in that moment, as they sat entwined atop that hillock where Kagome had once passed so many happy hours with the hanyou, she knew with awful certainty that for as long as Kikyou asked it, Inuyasha would not leave her. No matter what.

"Kagome."

She blinked, dazed for a moment at the feeling of just having been drawn up from the depths of an awful dream. As her vision slowly refocused, she saw Kouga squatting just before her where she sat on her futon. Behind him the fire had burned low, and she wondered dazedly how much time had passed.

"You're crying," he said, the concern in his features obvious even in the near-dark in which their silent campsite was now enveloped.

He reached out a hand, the tip of one clawed thumb swiping just beneath her eye. Kagome was surprised to feel the dampness there and to see the glimmer of it on the tip of his finger in the faint light of the stars.

"What's wrong?"

Kagome reached up, gingerly touching her damp cheeks. She swiped at them, the suffocating tightness in her chest warming slowly into anger.

"Nothing," she bit out, her voice hoarse. "Nothing is wrong."

And nothing was wrong. It was all exactly as she'd wanted it. It was exactly what she'd hoped for.

She bit her lip, feeling as if she might choke on the acrid bitterness that seemed to be welling up from the very depths of her. She was afraid if she opened her mouth she might scream.

Kouga's arms, warm despite the deep chill of the night, wrapped around her. A shudder ran the length of her, and Kagome inhaled tremulously.

"Nothing's wrong," she murmured against his shoulder, swallowing back the feeling fiercely. "Nothing's wrong. This is…this is what I wanted..."

"Kagome," Kouga said lowly. "I dunno what's going on, but any idiot knows a wound doesn't go away just because you say it's not there. Just get it out, okay? I'm here."

His words echoed the hanyou's too closely. A soft sob escaped her before she could stifle it. Another followed it, and another, until she found that she could not stop. She pressed her face tightly against his shoulder, more than a month's worth of doggedly suppressed feeling overwhelming her.

"Why does it have to be like this?" she murmured, the words spilling from her more quickly than she could process them. "I don't…I don't want to resent them. I don't want to feel like this anymore…Why can't I just stop? I've been trying so hard, to forget and to not care and to get past it…Why won't it just go away?"

"Kagome…"

She could not see the way that his face fell, but she felt it as his arms tightened around her. And she cried harder, because the arms around her were not the arms she wanted. Because she was terrified that that would never change, no matter what.

"I just want to do what I have to do," she said. "And I want him to be happy. I want everyone to be happy. I don't want this anymore."

Kouga said nothing, but continued to hold her until the last embers from the fire died out and left them in the dark.

---

There was a certain amount of relief that came of having cried over it all after more than a month of forcing it back, but Kagome was not able to easily dismiss the hopelessness that came with that night. The thought that all her efforts might never be able to get her beyond her feelings for Inuyasha, that she might become useless and bitter because of them, stuck fast in the back of her mind.

Nor could she control her other thoughts very well any longer. Before she had been at least able to confine thoughts of the court and Inuyasha to the night, but the dam seemed to have been broken beyond repair. Thoughts of him, of Kikyou, of the court, and of what her future was to be if she could not change things assailed her by turns, sometimes occupying her for long stretches at a time as they rode.

Kouga, too, became slightly subdued after that night. Though for him that really only meant that he occasionally spent a stretch of several minutes in silence. He still stuck fairly closely to Kagome's side as they travelled, but some of the boldness had gone out of the advances he made towards her. At times he looked almost uncertain as he gazed at her.

She grew more comfortable with him as they continued to travel, perhaps in part because his advances lost some of their aggression. Despite his complaints about the slowness of their pace, he was a great help to the group in hunting for meals and scouting ahead for campsites. He made a visible effort to be kind-or at least inoffensive-to her friends, though Shippou persisted in his staunch dislike of the wolf Lord, and they spoke often together as they rode to pass the time. She came to count him among her friends.

It took the group a little over a week to visit all the villages near to Kagome's own, following the river northward to reach them. There were six all told that had been destroyed in attacks by roaming youkai swarms, though the taiji-ya had made good progress in restoring many of them. The scattered inhabitants were slowly returning to their former lives, aided by supplies from the court and protection from the taiji-ya of Sango's clan as well as men from Kagome's own village.

As Miroku had guessed, it took very little in the way of persuasion for Kagome to get them to agree to the Tennō's terms. Kagome's personal part in having requested the supplies that they were receiving to aid them in restoring their lives after the devastation of the attacks was not unknown to them, and for most it was more than enough reason to agree. For the elders of the villages who were yet skeptical of the court after its long negligence of the villages, Haru was there to supply testimony as to how beneficial a solid connection to the court could be. In the end all six villages agreed, and Miroku recorded them on the map to present to the Tennō upon their return.

Once the villages were secured, they continued up along the river towards the spot where Kouga thought the Northern Kitsune Clan to be. He had only ever been there once, though, and the place was shrouded in illusions at all times, so it was difficult for him to say exactly how long it would take to reach it or where exactly it was. The group resolved themselves to simply continuing north along the river until they ran into the clan's dwelling.

On the second night after they had left the villages behind, they set up camp in a small clearing Kouga had discovered near the river. Kouga himself had gone out hunting, promising to catch a few rabbits for that night's dinner. Noriko and Tomiko sat together to Kagome's left, debating some point about the nature of kitsune as they worked to start the fire. Noriko seemed to think that they were capable of reading humans who left themselves open, while Tomiko argued that that was simply a child's tale often passed around among the taiji-ya for amusement. Kagome, though only half-listening to the conversation, was inclined to agree with the latter.

Shippou was across from her, listening avidly to some tale one of the men of the taiji-ya was telling. Haru, sitting just beside the small kitsune, wore a look of almost equal wonder as he listened. He had been exposed to a great many new things since joining the group, never before having travelled outside of the village, and Kagome often wondered if she had looked quite so wide-eyed when she had first set out.

Miroku was busy setting the wards for the camp, walking a broad perimeter around it as he threaded his rosary through his fingers bead by bead and chanted lowly one of the sutras for protection. Sango was a short distance to Kagome's right, the map open on her lap as she studied various routes and marked the progress they had made in that day's riding.

Kagome sat alone near the edge of the camp. Thoughts of Inuyasha and the court had plagued her during most of the ride that day despite her best attempts to keep them at bay, and now she found that she simply did not have the energy to interact with anyone. She felt heavy, and she simply wanted to sit for awhile.

Absently she fingered the bead nestled safely in the inner front pocket of her robes as she sat. The bead she had not dared to use since that night. She was not sure at this point, though, what was more difficult: seeing him or not seeing him. Neither seemed to offer her much comfort. She wondered if perhaps tonight she should hazard a look just to check in on him.

Something moved in the corner of her vision. Kagome glanced up, momentarily distracted.

She just managed to catch a glimpse of Kohaku as he disappeared into the dense tangle of trees that bordered their campsite on the right side. No one else seemed to notice as he slipped off.

Kagome frowned. Several times since they had started out from her village she had seen him do the same thing. He would simply slip off without a word to anyone. Usually she dismissed it as the boy simply needing to relieve himself, as he never took particularly long in returning, but there was something about the furtiveness of his movements…

Before she could really think it through, Kagome was on her feet. Perhaps it was merely that she needed a distraction, but she found herself trailing after Sango's brother, determined to at least rid herself of the strange wariness she often found herself feeling towards him.

It was deeply dark beneath the canopy of the trees, the branches so close together that even the light of the moon could only penetrate in small patches here and there. Kohaku was nowhere to be seen, and Kagome wondered how far in he had dared to wander on his own. For a moment she considered turning back, feeling a bit foolish for even contemplating following, but after a moment she pressed on, telling herself that she might just as well go through with it now that she had started.

She walked for several minutes, deeper and deeper into the trees, but still there was no sign of Kohaku. It seemed absurd that he would have gone so far simply to relieve himself, especially considering that it seemed to get darker with every step she took.

A chill rolled down the length of her spine, and Kagome paused mid-step. There seemed to be some sort of fog looming just before her. It was difficult to tell in the gloom beneath the trees, but the mist roiling around and distorting the trunks of trees was faintly visible in the patches of moonlight that managed to pierce through.

Kagome tensed. She could sense youki in the strange mist, rolling so thickly through it that it nearly clouded her sixth sense entirely. Instinctively she reached back, pulling her bow from the quiver slung over her shoulder. Her eyes scanned the mist for any sign of movement, her pulse beginning to thrum lowly in her ears.

"Kohaku-kun?" she called, suddenly concerned for what might have happened to the boy. "Kohaku-kun? Can you hear me?"

Movement to her left, just inside the mist. Kagome swung to face it, leveling her bow and notching an arrow in one practiced motion.

"Show yourself," she called, frustrated at the way the mist was clouding her spiritual sense. "Quickly, or I will shoot."

The figure, its outline too tall for it to be Kohaku, moved slowly forward. Kagome's eyes narrowed as she tried to get a good look at it through the mist, her entire body tense. It moved at last into a patch of moonlight, half of its face illuminated.

Kagome froze. Her bow and arrow slipped from her hands, falling soundlessly to the forest floor.

"Inuyasha."

---

Dun dun dun. And that is where I will leave you, my friends. Mostly because this chapter has already grown to 50 pages in length and it's getting a little ridiculous. I'll get working on the next chapter right away though, so hopefully you won't be left in suspense for too long.