Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga. I own twitchy fingers that enjoy writing for no profit.

Chapter 2: Pancakes and Purple D.M.s

I don't know how long Charlie and I sat slumped together on the floor like a pair of over used tissues, but the faint light through the window hinted that it had been a couple of hours at least. We were both exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally, but I hoped that now that the storm had passed, we could pull ourselves together and begin to rebuild something of what I had destroyed with my selfishness.

I pulled back a little from Charlie, grimacing as my face stuck to his shirt. Pulling my hair back from my face I gave him a half smile.

"Dad?"

"I'm ok, Bells. Are you though?" He asked

"Not yet, no. But I think I'm ready to start trying to be" I answered. I figured honesty was the best policy here. I wasn't going to magically snap back into normality - the pain in my hollowed out chest was a still very real, though slightly dulled - but now I'd finally given up fighting against it, every small step I took back towards living rather than just existing would soothe my still raw soul and begin to shape it anew.

"Well I guess that's the best I could ask of anyone" he said, giving my shoulders one last squeeze. I once again felt a pang or remorse for my selfishness; how bad must things have been for him if that was the best he could ask for?

Groaning from our stiff joints, we both pulled ourselves up off my bedroom floor.

"How about you head off for a shower and I call us both in sick for the day, kid?" Charlie suggested. "I don't think either of us are in a fit state to face the general public after last night." He offered me a rueful smile.

"Ok, Dad" I agreed. "And then while you shower, I'll go down and start tackling breakfast for us both." I offered. Pancakes sound ok to you?" Charlie's eyes widened in shock. I guess neither of us could remember the last time I'd done more at breakfast time than just grab a cereal bar on the way out of the house.

"Sounds like a plan, Bells" he said tentatively, clearly unwilling to question any small sign that I might be making a small improvement. We both just stood there for a moment, an awkward silence building, neither of us knowing quite how to fill it.

"Right, I'll just head to the bathroom then"

"Right, I'll just go make those calls then." We both spoke at the same time, and Charlie shifted awkwardly on his feet.

"Ok, kid. You go do that then." He turned me by my shoulders and gave me a gentle shove in the direction of the bathroom. This had become standard practice over the last few months. A way of ensuring that Zombie Bella was moving in the correct direction for what was needed.

"It's ok, Dad. You don't need to do that anymore." I mumbled, grabbing my shampoo and conditioner, and looking back over my shoulder to give him a gentle smile. Charlie just shrugged a little and headed off downstairs to make the calls.

Stripping out of my clothes once I was in the bathroom, I glanced up in to the cabinet mirror above the sink.

"Gaahh!" I actually took a step back as my reflection registered. My eyes were swollen and bloodshot from the emotional storm of last night, with large bruise-like circles from my chronic disturbed sleep patterns of the last few weeks. My cheeks were sunken from the bird-like appetite I'd had and my skin was an unhealthy greyish colour. Added to all that, my face was smeared with dried snot, and my lank, greasy hair had glued itself to my face in a number of places. I really don't think I could've looked any worse if I tried. No wonder people had been distancing themselves from me at school -of course the autopilot version of Bella hadn't helped any there, but even had I been acting like normal, I would've avoided someone who looked like I did these days. Even without the snot icing I was a horror, and if I smelt even half as bad as I looked... well I wouldn't blame anyone for avoiding that. After washing my face in the shower, I quickly lathered up my hair with my strawberry scented shampoo, the familiar smell triggering a memory of E...Him and making the pain in my howlingly empty chest flare again. "Yeah that definitely still hurts, but it seems a little bit easier than before; I'm not on my knees with the pain, at least. Baby steps at first" I cautioned myself "first step, replace my shampoo and conditioner."

Finishing up in the shower, I quickly towelled myself off and headed to my room to get dressed, catching the end of Charlie's call.

"No I'm not gonna count my chickens, Billy. But it really seems like she's had a breakthrough." He spoke quietly, but I could still hear him quite clearly as I stood in my towel by my bedroom door. "She seems ready to start getting on with her life again. Starting with cooking pancakes once she's done in the shower." At this, he seemed to suddenly realise that I'd shut the shower off. "Look, she'll be down in a minute. I'll talk to you properly later... Yeah, yeah, I'll see if I can get her to come down with me tomorrow. I guess we're both just gonna spend a bit of quiet time together today...Ok then, Billy. Bye" he hung up the phone and I quickly stepped into my room so things wouldn't be awkward when he came up for his own shower.

Breakfast was a quiet affair, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable this time, both of us seemed content to just run through our own thoughts as we worked our way through the stack of chocolate chip pancakes I'd made. As I stood to clear our plates, Charlie caught my wrist. "Let's just leave the dishes for now, Bells. As we've both got a free day all of a sudden, how about we spend some time together? You get to pick today's activities. Even if all you want to do is watch a movie together or go out for a walk or drive. No need to try for anything too big just now." I gave it some thought. Some fresh air would probably be a good idea. My body needed natural light and some gentle exercise. I wasn't going to suddenly get back to a healthy weight without slowly building up both my appetite and some muscle tone, and even with the usual overcast skies, I could absorb some of the vitamin D my skin was screaming out for. At least after my shower I smelt better, and my hair was looking a little closer to it's old healthy state. Time to start in on the rest of my appearance.

"How about a walk, Dad? Not in the forest!" I quickly amended, slightly panicked as a twinge started in my chest at just the idea. "But how about we drive down to first beach and wander along by the waves? Maybe visit the tide pools if the tide's far enough out?" It seemed like the best option to me; no memories of Him inside the rez, and on a school day the beach was likely to be pretty much deserted, so no-one to gawk at the miraculously resurrected ex zombie like there would be if we wandered around Forks. "You could even bring some fishing gear if you like, so you can try your luck whenever I need to sit and take a break?" I offered, watching Charlie's face light up at the suggestion.

"Sounds like a great plan to me, kid" he said. "You gonna be warm enough, or do you wanna get changed real quick?"

"Umm. Could I maybe borrow one of your plaid shirts and a sweater please, Dad" I murmured " It's just that all my clothes remind me of..."

"Yeah sure. No problems, Bells. I'll just go grab you something" Charlie cut me off quickly mid sentence, not wanting me to put a dent in the meagre progress I'd made today. He ran up the stairs two at a time to grab what I'd asked for and I headed to the utility room to grab a pair of walking boots. It wasn't til I was in there, staring blankly at the boot rack that it occurred to me that I didn't really own any. Tucked away at the back though I spotted a pair of purple Doc Martins with a flower painted on the toe of the left boot. They looked about my size. I pulled them out just as Charlie came in to grab his boots.

"Ha! Yeah those were your mother's. I'd forgotten about those. She practically lived in those for a few months before she suddenly got a thing about going barefoot everywhere. 'Course that only lasted a couple of weeks, then she stepped on some glass in the parking lot outside the grocery store and went back to normal footwear again. She was lucky she lasted that long before she hurt herself. Craziness!" He chuckled under his breath, shaking his head at the memory. The suddenly broke off, looking at me in amazement. I stared back, wondering what his problem was, before I realised I'd been chuckling right along with him. It felt weird, it'd been so long since I'd allowed myself to feel any emotion, let alone laugh, but the sound of our laughter blended together was such a warm noise that I swear I could almost feel the warmth against my dry, sallow skin.

"Umm. So it's ok if I use them then, Dad?" I asked, pointing at the purple boots.

"Oh! Yeah of course, Bells, if they're the right size for you, you can keep them. They're not going to do me any good. A million sizes too small, and purple's just so not my colour." He flapped his hands in a camp way and I smiled at his lame joke, wanting to keep this light atmosphere we'd managed to build as long as possible. He handed me one of his shirts, a brown and green plaid flannel one, and a ForksPD zip up hoodie, and I pulled them both on over my tank top. His clothing completely swamped me, coming down past my knees, and needing several turn ups on the sleeves until my hands finally re-appeared, but the faint smell of Charlie that came off them was soothing and made me feel safe and protected. Anyone who did see us out today would struggle to notice exactly how much weight I'd lost, so that was an added bonus. Maybe I'd raid Charlie's closet a bit more often in the future. At least til I was at a better weight.

"So. we good to go?" I asked in a quiet, calm voice, looking up to catch him staring at me once again with a cautiously hopeful expression.

"Yup." He answered. Lets head on out" and we made our way through the house to the front door, me clomping along behind Charlie in Renee's old boots, their stiffness from lack of use making it feel like I was walking in ski boots, rather than Doc Martins. I grabbed a pack of band-aids from the hall drawer on the way past and Charlie raised a brow in question.

"I'll probably get a few blisters til these are broken in. Plus we both know I'm gonna fall down. A lot." He grinned outright at that and pulled me into a one armed side-hug.

"Probably best to be prepared then, kiddo" he said and took the band-aids from me, tucking them into his own pocket. It was my turn to raise a questioning brow, and Charlie threw me a wink. "We also both know that you're gonna land on your ass in a tide pool and then the band-aids would be soaked and useless" he said, chuckling, and again without thinking about it, my own chuckle mingled with his as we walked together out to my truck.