Izuku's POV
Shoto was walking him to his door. The dinner was unlike anything he had ever had before and it was definitely a good thing he had dressed up. He regretted leaving a tie though, no matter how much Shoto reassured him it was okay. He figured that was easy for him to say in a full suit, a navy tie and all. Where as he had only gone with a dark green button up and the black suit pants he had for the suit he had for a wedding he went to once. They went to a movie afterward and then an arcade. Shoto loosening his tie and taking off his black suit jacket to roll up his sleeves was a hotter sight than Izuku could have predicted. It threw him for a loop because he'd never had the feelings it rose in him before.
"I'm very happy you agreed to come" he spoke his voice deep and smooth. Izuku could barely hold back the blush "after what I said before the wipe, I felt unsure"
Izuku couldn't blame him but it wasn't the same, he wasn't in love with someone else, and he liked Shoto. He wanted to see if it would grow. They'd gotten closer and Shoto didn't hesitate to touch him more. Running his hand over Izuku's, leaning into him, touching his face or his hair.
"I'm glad you asked. I just..." he looked at his hand twiddling them nervously
"What?" Shoto asked softly as they turned the corner to the elevator.
"I don't want to disappoint you. If... if I'm wrong" he admitted and almost tripped at the arm blocking his way, at the way he was lead to back up against the wall, and the way he was then trapped between said arms.
"Sh-Shoto" he gasped looking up to the mismatched eyes.
"I know where I stand. And I know this is all new for you as much as it is for me" he bent his head to be more on level with Izuku "I won't expect anything more than you say your ready to give. Even if you realise later... you don't see me the same way"
"But that isn't fair" he argued barely keeping the whine from his tone.
"I believe that's the purpose of dating" he responded and Izuku couldn't hold back the giggle and nodded. He was right, that was true but he hadn't thought about it like that. His nerves on the whole thing settled at that.
He wasn't sure what to do at the end of this, he hadn't been on a date before. He'd never even held anyone's hand in that way before tonight. Were they supposed to kiss?
The taller man nodded and moved to lead the way to the elevator taking his hand. Their fingers were intertwined and it had his heart pounding. They'd held hands a lot tonight.
They approached his door and halted at the red head sat against it. Elbows on his knees.
"Oh, sorry! Wow you two look great" he said standing up looking between them, Izuku frowned and stepped forward not letting go of Shoto's hand
"Are yo-"
"Jesus Shitty Hair!" Katsuki growled out and all three looked up to see the blonde storming up to them and look at Izuku apologetically before dragging him away.
"Wait!" Izuku called confused and looked to Shoto hoping he had some idea.
"That was odd, right?" He asked Izuku and there went his hope of getting a theory on that.
"I hope he didn't need something" he said looking back in the direction before back up to Shoto.
"Probably help with homework" Shoto answered and Izuku smiled at the smile on the face of his date
"What?" He asked tilting his head slightly
"You're so considerate and it makes me want to shelter you. You have a tendency to forget people aren't as honest as you"
He couldn't even think of a response, he tried his mouth opening and nothing coming out. So he closed it again finding he liked the words, even if he wasn't sure he liked how much that probably meant to Shoto.
"You think Kirishima wanted something insincere?" He asked eventually and then shook his head realising that probably wasn't the point. "Nevermind. Um I had a good time" he decided "You give someone a hell of a first date" he blushed and Shoto straightened out nodding once
"I've never been on one. I had to ask about for ideas" he admitted. Well he supposed that was something they had in common. Though it surprised Izuku. Shoto was always getting attention and he was always being asked on dates, he'd thought for sure he'd have some experience.
"Guess we did pretty well for two newbies" he teased lightly squeezing his hand slightly
"I'd like to go on another"
Izuku nodded and blushed stuttering before finally letting out an okay. He lifted on his toes, to place a kiss on his cheek
"I'll see you tomorrow" he blurted out before fleeing through his door and leaving Shoto in the hallway. That was acceptable right? He supposed most people would have done more. But neither of them had ever done this, and if that's the case he figured Shoto was probably as inexperienced as he was. Maybe they should talk about that, he decided.
-
The class was quiete as the end was nearing. Aizawa had let the talk amongst themselves as long as they were reasonable. Urakaka came over leaning on his desk between him and Katsuki. She looked much better than on Saturday.
"Sorry I couldn't come" she apologised
"It's okay, we got the work done and we were fine"
"I'm better now, how was the date?" She asked smiling up at him her hands gripping the desk.
"It was nice, and honestly the restaurant was so fancy. I've never been in one like that before"
"Soo did anything happen?" She asked suggestively while wiggling her eyebrows. He didn't miss the way the blonde tensed behind her as he turned his firey red eyes to glare at her. He laughed nervously wishing his peripheral vision would fail at telling him the reactions of his old crush.
"No. It was the first date. This is as new to him as it is me" he leant down "I'm starting to think he's got as much experience that way as I do" he hissed hoping it was low enough Katsuki couldn't hear. The way the blonds brows shot up though told him he failed.
"That's sweet though, right?" She asked "like you're each others firsts for all of it is really cute. Though I'm surprised you said he-"
"Can we talk about this later?' He pleaded because the tension and... well rage rolling off the blonde behind her was making him nervous.
The bell rang and Aizawa immediately made his effort to fall asleep.
"I really question my choices when we have gym" Urakaka groaned getting up to go get her bag.
"It is a big part of being a hero" Izuku pointed out with a soft laugh
"But I hate it" she complained dramatically
He stopped at the door to see Shoto waiting for him and he smiled up at him, his face heating slightly.
"Hi" he beamed
"Good morning" he nodded and brushed the back of his fingers against Izuku's, asking permission. The blush was immediate, while Urakaka squealed behind them. Izuku nodded and weaved his fingers through Shoto's and let him lead the way to the gym hall. Then Shoto almost fell into him as Katsuki barreled passed them looking tense and angry.
"What is wrong with that guy!" Urakaka snapped glaring at his retreating back. "He got what he wanted and he has been nothing but a snappy growling mutt since your wipe"
"Perhaps he is unhappy now he has nobody to fawn all over him and he can make them feel bad" she ranted as they walked. Izuku felt bad as he pressed his lips together. If anything he thinks Katsuki wants to be friends. The night he was drunk was clear he was hurting, and that Izuku taking a step back wasn't helping him at all. Maybe... should he offer out a hand of friendship? They didn't have to be best friends he supposed but it was clear that Katsuki wanted him in his life. He saw Katsuki turn right to the trees instead of straight on to the gym hall.
"I'll catch up guys" he announce before squeezing Shoto's hand and running to go find the blonde.
"Hey, Katsuki" he called as he entered the trees and the blonde stopped dead, slowly turning around. The shadows shrouded him but Izuku walked over none the less
"What're you doing, Nerd?" He snapped
"Well... I've been thinking. And tell me if I'm wrong but..." he trailed off watching the frown of impatience and confusion on his angry face, making sure there wasn't actually irritation he continued "Do you want to be friends?" He asked the way Katsuki's face went blank made him giggle. He looked genuinely stupefied and Izuku doesn't think he has ever seen that look.
"What?" He hissed out
"Well... I mean you've been weird since the wipe and we had nice talks and you said you didn't hate me. So I figured maybe you wanted to be friends" he explained quickly shaking his head as he stepped back regretting his actions. "Nevermind forget-" he cut off as a arm shot out in front of his face against a tree blocking his exit. His eyes widened as he looked up to Katsuki.
"Are you just a glutton for punishment?" He asked voice tight and Izuku was confused "or are you deliberately trying to punish me?" He asked
"I don't..." his frown turned into a pout trying to figure out how he had been punishing him "I don't think you need punishing, I told you I didn't want to" it was unintentional that he just happened to have done just that. He was trying to make him happier.
"Doesn't mean you aren't" he growled
"Sorry" he whispered "forget I asked I'll leave you alo-"
"I can't be your friend" he snapped out. But it didn't feel... it felt like it hurt him to say it "What if being around me brings back all that pain? Or I act selfishly?"
Izuku felt very warm all of a sudden. He felt flustered as his hands turned sweaty. He had to place them on his legs
"I uh... I don't know what you mean" he whispered
"Course you don't" he scoffed before leaning in close eyes holding him in place. Like he was trying to ask... no beg him to see something. And he wanted to but he didn't understand, would he have before?
"Go back to your boyfriend" he breathed out pushing back off the tree, freeing him from his hold. Izuku had never thought you could be pinned in place by a look. That you could feel so incredibly nervous from one. But he did, and there was a pull in his chest that made him want to stay. He couldn't explain it, and he didn't want to question it.
"I don't think being your friend can bring back my memories, Katsuki. They were taken not blocked" he sighed "can I be honest and you won't get angry?" He asked softly. After the night he was drunk, and in the cafe he felt like Katsuki wanted to be friends, like he really hated the fact Izuku had become so distant. It was confusing but he couldn't shake that feeling. Katsuki nodded stuffing his hands in his pockets looking the complete opposite of his usual intimidating self. So Izuku took a deep breath plucking up his courage.
"You seem sad. And I may not be in love with you but that doesn't mean I dislike you Katsuki. I would love to be friends, the difference now is I won't force it. Truthfully it'd make me very happy if one day you could like me" he chuckled nervously "but I don't know what you want anymore. So if you could just tell me, where you want me to stand. I'll accept it and do it"
He hoped he made sense. Because obviously with the way he had avoided him he couldn't blame him for feeling offended.
"Even if it's the case you just want me to stop avoiding you, you know like... normal classmates instead of friends"
"I thought I said it's time you stopped caring what I want?" He asked sharply "be fucking selfish, Deku!"
Izuku nodded leaning against the tree completely before looking up to him.
"Fact of the matter is I can't force it. I told you what I want and how I feel, the next step is to know what you want and feel so we can figure out what to do. You're scaring me Katsuki" he added desperately and the look shock and misery as Katsuki paled had Izuku's heart fall into his stomach. He quickly shook his head closing the space to put his hands on his arms, they were tight because he had tensed so hard "not like that. I just mean... you're pushing everyone away, you're friends and you've lost this... fire that was always there. If what I did is the reason for it I want to fix it"
"Again with fucking worrying about me" he snarled turning his head away, almost like he was directing his anger away from Izuku. But he didn't step away
"I thought you knew me, Katsuki" he smirked tilting his head to catch the blondes attention, which succeeded "I'm most selfish when I get to be around people. I love my friends, I love making people happy. I don't know for sure... but I'm pretty sure that's what lead to my decision to take myself out of the equation. Because I wasn't helping, I was hindering" he shrugged and realised he was still holding the guy and quickly let go taking a step back.
"Do you remember that day the little girl got lost? It was just us, in your front garden and instead of asking an adult- because we were heroes, obviously- we decided to find her mum?" He asked and felt as if his heart jumped and spluttered at the way the red eyes lit up, for the first time since before the wipe
"You mean how I found her mum while you both cried the entire walk up the street?" He quipped giving an ever so small smile. Izuku nodded enthusiastically and put his hands on his hips
"I was so impressed by you, wished one day I'd be so cool and brave" he shook his head "and you never made me feel bad for being so useless. You nudged my head told me I was brave to do it even though I was clearly a big, scared, cry baby"
Katsuki nodded eyes glazing over, Izuku didn't think he was even looking at him.
"I learnt that day that it made me happy to help people, it wasn't just being a cool superhero like All Might, or being as strong and brave as you. It was for the look on her and her mums face. We made a difference and it may not have been big, and explosive, or news worthy but it mattered" he frowned blinking his eyes back into focus. He looked up to Katsuki clearing his throat "sorry" but Katsuki was looking at him face lax, not an ounce of condescension on his face. He looked... amazed? "My point is, I really want to do whatever makes you more comfortable. It's not a selfless thing. Just me" he shrugged
It took a moment for Katsuki to compose himself and Izuku was all too happy to let him.
"That's really how you saw me?" He asked ad Izuku nodded blushing slightly
"You were my real life hero Katsuki. I wanted to be just like you, wanted you to always like me. I don't know when it changed but..." he trailed off and decided to just shut up.
"I think I deserve this" he finally spoke, his voice gravelly with pent up emotions and Izuku sighed before sitting down against the tree. He was probably right, everyone would likely agree with that statement. So he crossed his legs and nodded looking up to Katsuki
"I believe that" he shrugged "But I don't feel that way. I just don't and it'd be great if you stopped punishing yourself. Go back to your friends, be that cocky rising hero you've always been. Put All Might in his place" Izuku laughed at the end because it was always fun watching Katsuki get in his own way, he loved All Might maybe as much as Izuku but always turned into... well Katsuki. Grumpy, easily wound up, condescending Katsuki. He was never one who was able to soften for anything. Its probably what convinced Izuku for so long there was still hope. Which sadly he found out he was right.
"You're missing class" Katsuki said awkwardly and Izuku smiled
"You're avoiding giving me an answer" Izuku shot back raising a challenging brow. The twitch in Katsuki's almost had him laughing, finally a normal response. He'd really brought this on himself, complaining that Izuku wasn't acting like himself. He'd always had this... calmness when dealing with frustrated Katsuki. Because it was normal, and never resulted in a physical attack. (The last day at Alderra didn't count). And one day he'd be ready to ask why he did it.
"It's not a good idea" he glared at his feet
"Why not?"
"Because I am selfish. Always have been" he shrugged "I'll fuck it up and you'll end up hurt again" at that he turned and stormed further into the trees. Izuku let him go, if he didn't want to accept the offer there wasn't much he could do. He would just have to accept the rejection.