"Hi hun, I'm glad to meet you! I'm Dr. Irons. Dr. Goldsmith told me all about you two", The woman smiles at me and Cappie. Of course, I didn't know her yet, but she seemed kind. She was tall, had dark skin, and hair in braids.
"Thanks, it's nice to meet you too", I give her a nod.
"And this is dad? Or is that dad?", She laughs slightly as she looks at Cappie sitting beside my bedside and then to Rusty further down my bed, who was nodding off.
"I'm the dad", Cappie grins and shakes her hand.
"Okay great", Dr. Irons smiles.
"That's my brother", I gesture to Rusty.
"Oh, hi", Rusty looks up, waking up a bit.
"Hi there", She smiles at him and then looks back to me. "Well it looks like you've got some great support here today".
"Yeah I do", I nod.
Cappie had woken me up from sleeping when she'd come in to introduce herself to us. It was about noon now.
"So this is your guys' first baby?", She confirms with us.
"Yep. I'm only 22 so… Not that having a baby when you're younger than that is a bad thing it's just… I mean I'd be the first person to admit that getting pregnant is way easier than you'd think. I was a college student on my way to law school when I got pregnant for gods sake", I start to ramble. "Sorry… I'm just really nervous."
I shake my head then, embarrassed.
"It's okay, don't apologize", Dr. Irons let's out a good natured laugh. "I know you're both young but it looks like you're doing a great job".
"Thanks", I let out with a smile.
"So I looked over your chart… sounds like a wild night for you guys", She says and then looks down to read off my chart. "So you've been having contraction like pains since late at night on December 23rd but you thought they were just false labour pains. But then they got much worse yesterday evening. So you came here, even managed to get here in a snow storm. And shortly after you got here your water broke… then you got an epidural, and last we checked you you were dilated to 7cm".
So looks to me and then to Cap to confirm this.
"Yep that's everything", I nod up and down.
"Okay great. Well it's been about two hours since you were last checked so I'd like to see how you're progressing. Can you scoot down here for me so I can check your cervix again?", She explains.
"Sure", I nod. Checking my cervix had become so mundane to me it was like all embarrassment had comepletely gone out the door.
"Alright Casey, well I think you'll be happy to know that you've dilated to a 9 which means that we're going to monitor you frequently over this next hour or so because when you get to a 10 it's go time", Dr. Irons gives me a smile as she takes off her gloves and throws them in the garbage.
"Really?", I sit up more then, kind of shocked. "So I'm gonna push soon?"
"Yes. Exciting right? You're going to meet your baby very soon", She smiles.
"Wow", I put my hand over my mouth as I gasp and look to Cappie whose mouth is open slightly, looking perplexed.
"Well I'll be back shortly. I hope you're ready to meet your daughter!", She grins at the two of us and then gives us a wave.
Me and Cappie sit for a moment, unmoving at first, I think just still so shocked that she was going to be here in the next few hours.
"Well I better get my camera out and make sure it's charged", Rusty's the first one to say something, I think not in as much shock as me and Cappie. "Since I've gotta make sure I catch the important stuff".
"Thanks Rus", I nod. "I cannot believe this is happening. Cap, what if I'm terrible at pushing? What if I can't push her out?"
"You'll be fine, I know it", Cappie gives me an assuring look. "How are you feeling right now?"
"I'm not having too much pain, just a lot of pressure. Like so much. It's like a bowling bowl is pushing down on me down there. And obviously I can't move my legs so it just feels really weird. And I'm still sort of shakey", I sigh as I watch my hand still shake a bit.
"Well there's not much longer to go, you already got through a lot of pain. This is the homestretch Case", Cappie gives me a smile and puts his hand on my leg.
I grin at him in response, nodding as I feel myself blush.
"I can't wait to see her", I let out a sigh, feeling so elated, so excited. This day felt like a dream, it felt surreal.
But this baby was very real and I was actually going to get to meet her soon, she wouldn't just be an idea in my head, something that kicks me and jabs me at night. She'd be something I can hold in my arms, something I can feel, can smell, can see.
I was so beyond excited.
"Hey guys, look, they're playing a Christmas episode of Friends!", Rusty gets our attention, I think both me and Cappie in a nervous adrenaline induced haze. "I'm gonna turn it up".
"Oh nice Spitter. As if there's not enough Christmas music blasting through the hospital halls", Cappie quips sarcastically. "Kidding, you know I can't turn down Friends".
"It is one of KT's favorite shows", Rusty nods with a laugh.
"Yep. Right next to Days of Our Lives and Greys Anatomy. Although... Greys might hit a little too close to home in our current situation", Cap jokes with a grin and looks to me as I shake my head at him with a laugh. The KT guys were crazy.
"Hey maybe by the time this episode ends you'll be at 10 centimetres, who knows", Cappie gives me a shrug.
"Maybe", I nod. "This is so crazy".
"I know", Cappie scoffs with a shake of his head in disbelief.
"Still no names popping into your heads guys?", Rusty looks to us.
"I keep thinking that we need to see her first, see what suits her", Cappie says. "I think we'll know what to call her when we see her".
"And I'm going along with it", I laugh. "Just to prove to Cap that karmic synergy can't pick a name for your baby. I brought my notebook of baby names in the hospital bag in case Cappie's wrong and no name comes to us".
"I don't know Case", Rusty laughs then. "Karmic synergy has never let a KT down".
Rusty shrugs jokingly then as he looks to Cappie with a grin.
Cap turns to give me a knowing look, a devilish smile on his lips and I just roll my eyes with a laugh.
"Hey Rus did you tell Ash what's going on? Maybe I should call her?", I ask.
"I've been updating her. I told her that next time she talks to you the baby will probably be here", Rusty smiles.
"Okay thanks", I nod. "I'm gonna call her once the baby's born. She's gonna be so excited even if she can't be here to meet her right away".
"She's beyond excited Case, I know it's killing her not to be here", Rusty smiles.
"Stupid snowstorm", I sigh. "But also… it's keeping mom and dad away so… I'll allow it".
Rusty and Cap look over at me to laugh then and we go back to focusing our attention on the TV. Rusty goes and gets him and Cappie some chips from the vending machine and jealously I watch them eat. Cappie gets me more ice chips as if that's anything remotely close to having real food. I still appreciate it nonetheless though. Rusty makes sure his camcorder is fully charged and working. We're all three of us gearing up for this little girl to show up.
"Case I'm gonna get some footage before the baby comes", Rusty smiles as he turns his camcorder on, the red light on as the video starts recording. "Anything you'd like to say?"
"Um…", I giggle. "Hi baby, I'm your mom, as I'm sure you know. And this is your dad".
I gesture over to Cappie and Rusty moves the camcorder over to focus on him then.
"Hey! I'm your dad…", Cappie puts his hand up with a wave. "I don't really know what to say other then if you don't know already, you were an accident. I know, I know, we're probably not supposed to tell you that, but I think honestly is the best policy when it comes to that kinda stuff".
"Cap!", I let out a laugh.
"Anyway baby what I set out to say is that… you weren't planned, but you are the most loved and wanted baby on earth, I can tell you that much", Cappie smiles genuinely then at the camera. "And you've got one hell of a mom so I think you're gonna be just fine in this world".
Cappie smiles over to me and I feel myself melt.
"And your dad is pretty great too baby girl", I smile then, looking into the camera lens. "We can't wait to meet you, it's gonna be really soon!"
I put my hands on my belly then as I smile.
"Wow if she watches this later in life she'll probably be wondering why you're not together", Rusty laughs then as he stops recording.
Me and Cappie look to each other I think both not knowing what to say.
"Hey Rus?", I speak then, cutting through the awkwardness by trying to change the subject. "During the whole pushing her out thing… it might get pretty gruesome, so just don't film anything too embarrassing okay? I mostly just want the stuff afterwards, like when she's first out and can lay on my chest. Like her first moments of life. Not me screaming and swearing like a sailor".
Cappie laughs then.
"Well I for one kind of want to have video evidence of you swearing at me and trying to break my hand with your grip", Cap grins jokingly then.
"Okay sure go ahead and film it Rusty. Then I'll have video evidence I can watch back over and over again providing me reasons why I should never have sex ever again", I give Cap a look then, playing around with him as I cross my arms.
"Spitter, I've changed my mind, just skip any rough parts. We don't want to remind future Casey how bad labour sucks", Cappie looks to Rusty with a laugh and I reach out to hit his arm.
I liked sparring back and forth with him like this. It was kind of what we did best. Besides, having him here joking with me like this completely helped ease the anxiety I was having. And I think he full well knew that.
"You two are crazy", Rusty rolls his eyes as he laughs at the two of us.
"I think Dr. Irons will probably be back to check my cervix again soon", I comment, feeling the nervousness rising within me. But it was a good nervousness. An excited nervousness.
Cappie looks to the clock then.
"Yeah it's been just over half an hour since she was in here", he nods.
"Well another episode is starting, maybe by the end of it you'll be at a ten", Rusty shrugs.
We watch the TV again for a bit, all of us focused on it in silence until eventually a noise startles us.
A beeping.
I look around then. I look at my vitals, they look totally fine. But I almost forget the baby's being monitored too, and it's her monitoring system that's starting to beep out of control.
"What is that?", Cappie looks confused.
"Oh my god, it's the baby", I feel my heart drop then.
"Here I'm gonna press the button for the doctor to come in", I frantically push the button. "I don't know what's going on!"
Cappie stands up then to look at the screen, the waves on it moving in a weird pattern as it continues to beep. It must mean somethings wrong, that maybe she wasn't breathing right.
"Somethings not right Cap!", I look to him worriedly. "Somethings going on with the baby, she's not okay in here".
I look down at my belly then, holding my hand over it as if that'll help soothe her, as if I have the ability to make this any better.
"I'm gonna go get the doctor!", Cappie goes to walk out of the room then as I catch a worried look on Rusty's face too.
Just as Cappie's about to leave, two nurses flood in the room then.
"Page Dr. Irons right away!", one of them yells to someone in the hallway as the other one starts to feel around on my belly.
They'd burst in here so quickly I hadn't even had time to say hello. And they hadn't said hello either, which scared me even more, how frantic they were acting.
"What's going on?", I ask, scared out of my mind. "Is she okay? Is my baby okay?"
"Her heart rate is dropping. She's currently in distress Ms. Cartwright", a male nurse tells me then, as he pushes around on my belly.
"Okay well maybe it's because I need to push!", I offer, trying to come up with any solution to ease the terror inside me right now.
"No, you're still 9 centimetres", The other nurse tells me from further down my hospital bed between my legs. I honestly didn't even notice that she was checking my cervix, that's how panicked I was right now. Not to mention I didn't have a lot of feeling down there right now.
Dr. Irons comes rushing into the room then.
"What's going on?!", I ask again.
"Just try to relax Casey, we're going to find out what's wrong", Dr. Irons tries to calm me down now that she's arrived but I can see the worry on her face.
She goes to check me herself down there now, putting on a glove and going inside me to feel around.
"For some reason the baby's heart rate is dropping", She shakes her head as she looks off, looking a bit confused. "She's not breeched as far as I can tell…"
"What does that mean? What's wrong then?", Cappie asks.
"I can't be sure", Dr. Irons shakes her head. "All I know is the baby is in distress. If I had to guess, I would say there's a good chance the cord could be wrapped around her neck. Which would be making it hard for her to get oxygen".
"Oh my god", I let out then and can't help it. I just sob.
"Casey I know this is really scary, but I need for you to be brave right now okay?", She looks me in the eyes now as she comes over to my bedside, her hand on my arm. "We need to get her out right away".
I look back at her in terror but start to nod my head up and down frantically, fully ready to do whatever I had to do.
"Johnson, go get an OR prepped for an emergency c section!", Dr. Irons turns to the female nurse and she nods and runs out of the room.
"What?", I cry out.
"We're going to have to do an emergency c section to get the baby out. She's in distress and we can't wait any longer Casey", Dr. Irons explains to me.
"No", I shake my head. "No! But that's not my birth plan!"
I look to Cappie then in distress.
"I want to push", I say as I look back to Dr. Irons. "I want to, just let me try".
I plead then, trying anything I can do to not have to have an emergency surgery.
"I know I can do it if I can start pushing", I feel the tears coming down my face, hot and trailing down to my lips so I can taste the saltiness.
"I know this is scary but it's going to be okay. We don't have time for you to push Casey", She looks at me straight on, locking eyes with me to let me know how serious this is.
"Case I think we need to do this, they know what they're talking about", Cappie urges me, trying to ease the panic I was having.
Some more nurses come in the room then, each one looking overwhelmed and in a hurry.
"This is an emergency situation Casey, we have to go now", She looks to me.
"Are you the birthing partner?", a nurse asks Cappie and he nods up and down.
I can see fear taking over him too.
"Okay here, put these on, you're coming into the OR with us", She explains to Cap, handing him a pile of blue garments for him to put on.
"Cap I'm scared", I grab onto his hand but I can feel the nurses gearing my hospital bed up to wheel me away.
"I know, but I'm gonna be there the whole time Case. Just think about how soon we'll have her", He strokes my hand as the nurses check my IV bag.
He starts to quickly try to put on the gown and tie up piece to go on his head. Rusty comes over then to help him, tying it in the back for him.
"Alright hun, we've got to go right now", Dr. Irons says to me and then turns to Cappie. "We don't have any time to waste".
"Okay", I say meekly, nodding as I'm trying to hold in the fear I'm having, my heart pounding out of my chest as my hospital bed starts to move. They're starting to wheel me out now, putting my IV bag on the bed beside me.
"Okay, let's go people!", Dr. Irons speaks urgently to the other nurses and I want to cry more but I'm trying to be brave.
"Good luck Case, I'll be rooting for you the whole time", Rusty comes to my bedside now speaking quickly as they start to wheel me out to the hall away from him. Cappie's following along beside the gurney. "Cap! Take care of my sister, alright?"
"Always", Cappie turns back quickly to say to him and then focuses his attention on me, running alongside me as they take me down the hall fast. We go around a couple corners and into different sections until eventually we're in an operating room.
It felt cold in here, really cold. And there were tables with instruments all around. And a large shiny metal table I assumed I was going on. This all scared me. I'd never had surgery before. I mean… besides getting my wisdom teeth out when I was in high school. But that wasn't cutting me open like a c section entailed. I truly never thought I would have to have one. I hadn't even read up on it much because I thought it was a long shot that it would end up happening, though that I was being paranoid to think anything could go wrong.
"Okay, one! Two! Three", Dr. Irons says loudly, instructing everyone around my gurney in the OR as they move me from the gurney to the operating table.
I'm still shaking, my hand trembling as I search for Cappie's who looks just about as terrified as me. He looks like he doesn't know what exactly to do, doesn't know where to stand, but he tries to stay right by my side. As close as possible.
"Alright Casey, you're going to be awake and you'll be able to speak normally but you shouldn't feel anything. If anything just a weird sensation, but you won't feel pain. We've got to get your baby out as soon as possible, so we're going to start the procedure now", She looks at me, explaining this to me, speaking quickly. "Do you understand?"
I nod up and down fast, sensing her urgency, sensing the urgency of everyone in the room. All I wanted was for the baby to be okay. If this would help her then I had to be brave for her. I would do anything for her.
"Dad you can wait by her head, you can talk to her through it", She looks to Cappie, instructing him as a nurse brings out a wheeled stool to go beside me.
"Okay", he nods up and down quickly and then looks down at me from his tall stance. "It's gonna be okay Case. They're gonna get her out and you won't feel any pain".
He sits on the stool beside me and holds my hand in his while they put up a curtain so we can't see past my chest.
"I didn't think this was gonna happen Cap", I croak out. "And it all just happened so fast. It was like one minute she was fine and then the next…"
I look up at him from my horizontal position as I trail off, a tear falling from my eye. I watch him look at me empathetically. The scrubs they had him in made his blue eyes pop.
He wipes my tear from my cheek then and gives me a smile. A nervous smile, but a smile nonetheless. And just that act alone eased some of my panic.
"I know Case, but the doctors know what they're doing, they do this all the time. They'll get her out and we'll meet her in no time. Isn't that exciting?", He smiles as his eyes shine and I can't help but agree with him, nodding up and down as best I can, even through my fear.
"Okay scalpel!", I hear Dr. Irons shout then and I turn my head, my heart starting to pound harder in my chest.
"It's okay, don't listen to what's going on, just think about meeting her", Cappie squeezes my hand, bringing my focus back to him, and I nod weakly.
"Cap don't look over the curtain to watch what they're doing or you might pass out", I say to him.
"I'll be fine", He shakes his head like it doesn't matter. "I'm not worried about me, I'm worried about you and the baby".
He moves forward to me then, taking my hand and bringing it up next to his cheek as I smell his aftershave, him so close to me. I look at him contently as I hear the doctors and nurses in the room talking to each other. They're starting the procedure but I try not to listen to their voices too much like Cappie told me, I knew if I did I would just get more scared. Instead I try to distract myself by thinking about the slow circles Cappie's thumb is tracing on my hand.
"I feel really tired Cap", I sigh then as I close my eyes for a moment, seeing little stars when I do. I open them hazily again. It's taking everything in me to keep them open and not fall asleep right now. "And… I feel dazy, like I can't… think".
"That's okay, you don't have to think right now. It's just the medication they're giving you through your IV", Cappie says to me. "Just focus on me, okay?"
"Okay", I nod slowly, my body feeling like everything is going in slow motion. "I wonder… I wonder what she'll look like".
I let myself smile then thinking about her, in a drugged haze. I feel the anxiety in me lessening a bit then as I instead just feel like I'm on a cloud, like I can't even think well enough to be as anxious as I was.
"She'll be perfect", Cappie smiles down at me.
"It's crazy that we made her", I close my eyes and then flutter them open slowly as I sigh out.
"I know right", Cappie speaks softly, giving me a nod, definitely observing how drugged out I was right now. He looks a little worried as his eyes look over my face and at the way I struggle to keep my eyes open.
He was looking at me exactly the same as he had the few times I'd been drunk and he'd helped me home, tucked me into bed and waited with me while giving me water. Of course that was way back in freshman year. And then once more one night almost 9 months ago on Spring Break. The night before we'd made this baby.
"Alright we've made the cut", I hear a doctor say and Cappie looks over to them slightly, I think curious.
I see fear on Cappie's face then.
"Okay clean up that blood there!", I hear a voice speak in a frantic way.
"Cap?", I feel worried now but Cappie looks back to me, trying to give me a smile.
"Everything's okay", he tries to assure me, caressing up and down my hand which he hadn't let go of since he'd sat down beside me.
But I knew him pretty well. Knew him better than I knew myself. He was just assuring me to try to calm me down. I knew how worried he really was, how panicked, probably having just seen a lot of blood.
"Okay she's out!", I hear Dr. Irons say loudly.
My eyes go wide then, even drugged out my mind was still springing into action.
"Oh my god!", Cappie stands up then.
"She's not crying!", I say worriedly.
Cappie looks back down at me and puts his hand on my shoulder, I'm sure seeing the panic in my eyes.
"We're just suctioning her mouth here so she can breathe. Dr. Seymour can you take over the suctioning?", Dr. Irons comes over to me then, popping her head out past the curtain, trying to let me know what's going on. Trying to calm me down. "This is standard practice, don't worry Casey. She looks great".
She gives me a quick smile and then disappears to her spot on the other side of the curtain.
"Alright now let's clamp and cut the cord!", I hear her announce to the OR.
"You'll get to hold her soon dad", A nurse says to Cappie with a smile.
"Okay", Cappie nods up and down, I think still in shock.
I can't see anything but I wish more than anything I could.
"Is she okay?", I ask to no one in particular, just wanting some sense of relief, still not hearing her yet.
I didn't want her to be distressed. I didn't want her to be struggling to breathe. I didn't want her to-
Then suddenly I hear a loud cry and it's like all the thoughts going through my mind just completely clear.
"Oh my god", I start to sob instantly, my tired and drugged body wracked with tears.
I'm still shaking uncontrollably, my arms shaking like I'm shivering even though I knew being cold wasn't the cause. The medication and giving birth was.
"Case", Cappie comes over to sit down again, right next to my face, taking my hand in his and bringing it up to his lips to kiss. I can see him start to cry then too. "This is insane…. you did it! I love you so much, you did so good".
He leans into me then, laying his head against mine for a moment and I take a second to breathe out against him, let myself try to calm down when I feel him so close to me like this.
"Thanks", I get out between sobs, my hand shaking in his, hopped up on anxiety and adrenaline. And love, I think love too.
"Good job Casey, now we've just got to bring her over to the warming table, check her vitals", Dr. Irons says, trying to keep us in the loop of what's going on.
Cap moves away from me a bit then to lean over to see what they're doing with her. I hear her crying still a bit.
Then he looks back to me, meeting my eyes, both of us having our tears cloud our vision.
"They're just taking her over to check her Case", Cap tells me. He's looking down at me, looking exhilarated, his hands shaking himself. "I saw her Case. She's perfect, she's so beautiful!"
I see him wipe the few tears that had come down his face then as he puts his hand on my shoulder, looking down at me emotionally.
"Go with her Cap!", I say to him urgently, nodding to him. "I'm fine, just make sure she's okay!"
"Okay", he nods, I think not wanting to leave my side, conflicted. "Don't worry, you'll see her soon".
He walks across the room then and from the partial view that I can see from my position laying down horizontally, I see Cappie and two doctors stand around a table where they had the baby. But I can't see her even though my eyes desperately scan to find her.
I hear her making noises though and it's killing me not to be able to see her, not be able to feel her skin against mine, to look into her eyes. To finally know what she was like after all these months growing her and imagining her. I just assumed I would get to hold her first, I never thought I'd have to wait like this. But I also never imagined I'd be in an operating room having a c section either.
Finally the doctor hands a teeny tiny bundle into Cappie's arms, Cappie accepting her slowly, being more careful than I'd ever known him to be in his entire life.
I start to cry more then when I finally see her coming towards me, Cappie bringing her to me.
"Oh my god!", I let out a cross between a laugh and a shrill cry.
The doctors are stitching me up I'm pretty sure, but I'm not even registering that right now.
"Here she is Case", Cappie's crying more now as he sits down carefully and brings her up to my face as I turn as much as I possibly can to look at her.
My shoulder is against her cheek, the closest we can really get right now.
She's not crying anymore, just making some little whimpering noises, her eyes closed. She looked like a tiny bundle of squishy soft pinkness. It surprised me that she was only just a bit bigger than Cappie's hand which was around her body right now.
"Hi", I speak out in a strained crack of my voice, crying too much to speak very clearly. But I try to get it together then. I want to talk to her. "I'm your mom. I feel like I already know you like the back of my hand".
I reach my hand out to touch one of her tiny ones in mine as I continue to laugh and cry at the same time.
I look up at Cappie's wet eyes. 8 months ago I didn't even know if he'd be here with me when she's born and now here he is holding first, crying over her, his hands wrapped around her tiny body.
"Case she's so cute", he lets out a breathy laugh, wiping his face with his shoulder, not wanting to move a hand off holding her. "So tiny".
I still can't see her perfectly but Cappie has her pressed against the skin of my arm now, my fingers touching her little hands.
Finally she opens her eyes, they just flutter at first until they finally stay open. This is the first time I see them. Beady, full of wonder, and of course, ocean blue.
My heart stops when I see them.
"Cap", I croak out. "She has your eyes".
Me and Cappie's eyes meet then as we cry together.
Her eyes are exactly like his. I would know. They're just like the ones I'd stared into so many times over the past four and a half years.
"I know", he nods and then leans in to kiss my lips probably the most gently he ever has in our four and a half year long on and off… whatever we had. "This is so cool… I'm so proud of you, you have no idea. You did amazing".
He looks down to me, his face overcome with emotion, looking at me in disbelief that this is even real life.
"Thanks Cap", I blush. "You did too".
He smiles at me and then looks to our baby, holding her in his hands.
I hear her make gurgling noises.
"She reminds me of you already", Cappie says softly with a scoff.
She has a little tuft of light blonde hair atop her head.
"All of your features, button nose, cute little lips, and even your hair", Cappie laughs through his tears. "Thank god".
He gives me a smirk and I return it. All I want to do right now is get out of here with the two of them. I want to be able to move again. I want to be able to look at her better. To hold her against me. To start feeding her. There was so much in all the online info I'd read about that importance of skin to skin contact right when they're born. I wanted that right now desperately.
I never would've thought in a million years that Cappie would get to hold her first.
But maybe it was okay this way. At least for now. That he was getting to experience this first. And getting to watch him like this, well… it was a feeling I couldn't really even put into words.
"Cappie you're a dad", I laugh breathily, the thought crazy to me right now. But seeing him holding her, even the little glimpse I can get from laying down, is making my heart hurt. In the best possible way.
"I know, I can't believe I'm holding our baby", He shakes his head in awe and then he looks to my eyes. "We're parents Case".
I nod at him as I laugh, this whole thing making me cry and laugh like a crazy person. I know I must look like a hot mess. My eyes are so full of tears that my vision is blurry and I can't really move to wipe them.
But I don't dare ask Cappie to help dry them, I don't want him to take a hand off the baby. She was ours to protect now, she mattered the most.
"We've got a bleed here!", a voice from behind the curtain takes me out of my thoughts then.
I start to a hear a beeping noise, it was the same as the baby's monitor going off when her heart rate was falling. But at least she's out and she's okay, in Cappie's arms laying peacefully.
No, this time the non stop beeping was because of me. And almost immediately after the beeping starts my vision starts to go in and out.
"Cappie…", I croak his out name as I begin to see black and feel my heart racing.
"What's going on? Is she okay?", I hear his frantic voice even though I can't see him right now. "Casey? Casey?!"
"Here sir we're gonna have you step out with your daughter".
"No I don't want to. Wait! What's going on? Casey?"
And that's the last thing I hear.