Hello everybody. I'm not very active in the Lucifer fandom anymore (reading or writing). I'm the author of "The First Eve" written quite some time ago directly in English (and then translated in my native language). You may have read it. Or not.
Today, I'm trying something else. Even if I'm more or less able to rewrite my French one-shot, I wanted to test something. Maybe other people tried this already. Now technology is far more sharp than Google Translate, I wanted having it translated for you by various AI.
So I used mostly ChatGPT, but also Google Bard, Microsoft Copilot, and even DeepL
Jesus, they are fast! Less than one minute for 1500 words and that's it! Faster than I could ever be. I've spent more time to check what they did and compare. However, as clever as they may seem, AI misunderstood some bits, so I tried to be very careful and rewrite what was awkward. If there are still weird things below, blame us all! :-D If there's weird things and typos in what I'm wring just here: just blame me.
Of course, I would be delighted if you were kind enough to let me know if this experiment is valid or... not yet. Think about it. So many foreign writers able to share their storys abroad, at last!
But enough talking! For now, I let you discover that very short piece. It's not romance, but mostly Luci and Trixie interaction. I hope you'll enjoy it anyway.
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BUNNYCUDDLE THERAPY
A Lucifer fanfiction by OldGirl-Nora Arlani
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"What are you up to, Lucifer?"
From his towering height of six feet three, the concerned party cast a glance at the small brunette standing before him. Normally, she sported disheveled pigtails, a mouth smeared with chocolate, and hands not in a better state, stained by greasy pastel crayons. She persisted in creating doodles that were properly hideous, impossible to sell—even to a venal avant-garde gallery owner—and to which her mother saw fit to dedicate almost the entire wall facing the kitchen... Trying to focus his wandering attention, he noted she had tightly braided hair, less fluorescent clothing, and... a pitiful cardboard version of Maze's knives clutched in her hands.
"And you?"
She rolled her eyes, brandishing the curved blades (painted with red felt pen) as if it were obvious: "I'm getting ready to train with Maze!"
Lucifer nodded slowly in approval, hoping it would serve as an escape route.
"Well! I'm relieved. It's a better use of your markers, in my opinion."
Arms crossed, the little one narrowed her eyes at him from her four-foot-something height. She shifted to one hip, offering a superb reproduction of the sulky and cantankerous pout characterizing the aforementioned demon trainer. Daughter and granddaughter of actresses, the kid had it in her.
"So, what are you doing?"
The Devil couldn't bring himself to mope, so he responded with another truth: "I'm waiting for your mother; she shouldn't be much longer."
Hoping Trixie would leave on her own if he stopped looking and talking to her, he continued to loiter wildly, hands in his pockets, disapprovingly eyeing the white paneled ceiling, the rudimentary assembly of particleboard that dared to be called a "bookshelf," even though it contained no books. As the girl hadn't moved, he feigned great interest in the dining room, its table, its blue curtains, and its matching transparent chairs, carved from the finest plastic. What were they for? Most of their meals were hastily taken on the kitchen counter... A hundred bucks the said table was used for doodling. Artistic crimes he was nowhere near solving.
"She won't be back right away. They called her at work. Do you want to train with me and Maze while we wait?" she asked, raising her fake dagger, arm horizontal and brow fierce.
He sighed very long. Maybe if he distanced himself a bit, she'd give up her harassment? The plan seemed risky, so he seriously considered retreating to the bathroom...
"No way. I'm wearing a nice suit. Why didn't she wait for me?"
"But it's like your usual suit!"
The Devil finally smiled, his chocolate eyes shining with a certain pride. His perpetual very brown stubble brought out the sparkle of his teeth that the little girl adored. Especially the two small round ones in front.
"Exactly. And... so is yours. Isn't Mardi Gras over?"
"Hmm," she sniffed. "My clothes don't stop me from doing cool stuff... So, if you don't want to train to break shins, nor I draw you giving a ring to Mom, at least say why you're sulking?"
The Detective had left him on the sidelines; that alone would have sufficed... The Devil was stopped in his fit of moodiness when he encountered the child's innocent eyes. No scheme. Dripping with genuine concern. Innocence made him be like a cat on hotter tin roof than those from Hell. "Perhaps because you've never been accustomed to dealing with it with your usual tenants." Dr. Linda would probably say something idiotic like that. He leaned on the faux granite countertop with both hands, a sad and powerless witness to the ordinary junk food of this country numbed taste buds. Ah, yes. The question...
"I'm not 'sulking,' you little misbeliever. My favorite Bunny is dead, and I'm furious!"
His spontaneous fatalistic gesture immediately transformed into a readjustment of the folds of his jacket and the polished silver cufflinks.
"She was adorable," he continued uncomfortably. "She surely didn't deserve to end up like that, tossed in a trash can..."
"Oh," said the little one, unsure of what to say for comfort.
She had already lost a guinea pig. A rabbit was probably a bit similar. She wiggled and made a gesture to tap his sleeve sympathetically. Lucifer's displeased look dissuaded her. But she knew why he was doing that: he was in a bad mood because he was unhappy.
"I didn't know you had one. I cried when Molikudle died. There are special places if you want to pay for another one..."
The Fallen Angel tilted his head. A vague admiring disbelief floated on his features. She'd bet a tenner he was still having a funny idea that nobody else got.
"Mh, just buying me a new Bunny? I'd congratulate you for your pragmatism if I weren't against that kind of nauseating transaction. I'll see how to replace her. Someone must be owing me a favor somewhere."
"Well, otherwise, you can go to the shelter; they don't charge... If she smells a bit, just give her a bath before hugging her tightly!"
Perplexed, Lucifer paused again, gazed and eventually stopped, furrowing his brow.
"Ow. But you think I'm talking about a real rabbit, don't you?... What a ridiculous idea!"
In turn, she tilted her head, trying to understand him. That's what was funny about Lucifer. He always said nonsense. Did fake rabbits were for real?
"Are you sad about a fluffy bunny?"
"No, of course not!" he snapped. "The only fluffy thing I have at home is the handcuffs Maze forgot... No, I'm talking about my waitress, Kiki. She was found choked, thrown in the dumpsters behind Lux."
"Ah... And does it hurt?" she inquired curiously.
To conceal the supernatural reddening of his pupils, he leaned against a high chair and averted his gaze before confirming.
"Rather yes. But it's quick; they probably suffer less."
The child nodded sagely, still troubled by not knowing how to comfort him. She was sure her mom and dad would be sad if someone from their work were killed. There, she could have said something like, "Mom will catch the bad guy," but now she knew that sometimes, bad guys didn't get caught... And chocolate cake worked for her, but for Lucifer?
"Do you want apple juice?"
"What?"
Given his shocked expression, it was a no. The little girl didn't let it go:
"Oh really? Mom says you always have a bottle of apple juice in your inner jacket pocket to cheer yourself up. She doesn't like it at all, and I understand: it's sweet, sugar causes cavities, and dentists are expensive..."
"Oh. I see. Well, she lied to you! Which, by the way, is deplorable."
"What's in it, then?"
"Alcohol, who do you take me for?"
She grinned mischievously and cupped her hand around her mouth to whisper:
"Oh yeah. I'm not allowed to drink cider either, but I tried it once; it's much better than champagne... Can you explain to me the difference between choked bunny and chocolate rabbit?"
"The hell of a difference!" he quipped with a sly smile. Dr. Linda is going to love this one.
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Facing the persistent silence, the petite blonde psychiatrist settled back into her chair, adjusted her glasses, and placed her hands on her crossed knee. Lucifer had been on his bench for a minute, merely glaring at her. She needed to encourage him.
"Is there something specific you wanted to talk to me about?"
He used to pay her generously, not quite reaching the full twenty minutes he was entitled to, but she would have felt guilty taking the money without even attempting to help him express what was troubling him. He always came when he was emotionally distressed, which was a good reflex, but absolutely refused to acknowledge it. He only saw her as an expert on humans and a provider of solutions. For a patient as special as him, she felt she could listen whenever he walked into her office unannounced. Partly because he had unused credit time, but mainly because a Devil enraged by pain, unable to control himself, was much worse than another ten-minute delayed appointment...
"The detective doesn't want me on her case," he stated curtly, his teeth clenched.
"Oh? Why do you think so?"
"She claims 'the case hits too close to home' and that I wouldn't be able to remain professional. It's obviously a crude excuse. She never finds me professional anyway, and usually it doesn't bother her. She's professional enough for the both of us... What I believe is that Pierce is behind this because he wants her for himself."
"You don't have to give me details about the investigation, but it would help me to know... Too close, in what way?"
"One of my waitresses was killed outside the Lux building," he revealed with some vehemence. "I suppose the Detective believes I might become violent towards the human scum who slashed Kiki's throat to steal her purse. It was payday."
"How awful! It's like history repeating itself. Your meeting with Chloe happened under similar circumstances, didn't it? A young woman you liked murdered outside the club... She might be right to be cautious. Do you feel responsible for what happened to her?"
The Devil continued to glare, which meant yes...
"No! But I will admit that if I get my hands on whoever did it, I will take great pleasure in detailing the delights awaiting them in Hell, and assure them that I will personally oversee it. No, what worries me is that the Detective knows she needs my interrogation skills. It doesn't make sense for her to do without them."
"Did you sleep with your waitress?"
Another furious look. However, since he was starting to get nervous, he reached for his sparkling cigarette case, but she stopped him, pointing to the "No Smoking" sign.
"So, yes or no?" she pressed. "It's not a trick question. I'm trying to find out if there might be objective reasons for you to be too involved."
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"You didn't like her?"
"She didn't want it."
"Do you regret it?"
"No!" he snapped. "I thought you knew I was very strict about consent. Can we get back to what's important: the Detective's problem?"
Linda smiled patiently, genuinely trying to muster patience. She took a moment to smooth her knit dress over her knee and crossed her legs the other way.
"Of course. In your opinion, how could Captain Pierce capture the attention of an intelligent and independent woman like Chloe, who has already experienced the failure of a first marriage with a police officer?"
"But that's exactly the question I'm asking myself! This cold, deceitful bulldozer has no interest."
"Right, what we're going to do is: you'll think about it for a few days. Try to put yourself in Chloe's shoes and ask yourself if she's keeping you away or protecting you..."
Lucifer mulled it over for ten seconds and then his features lit up. He jumped up towards the door, smiling.
"Lucifer! What are you doing? We're not finished..."
"Oh, yes, we are! Goodbye, Doctor Linda, I'll do exactly what you said: put myself in the Detective's shoes... I'll investigate exactly as she would have done. Maze will serve as 'me,' and when I've delivered the culprit, Chloe will see that she was wrong to exclude me. As always, your ideas are perfect!"
Shoulders hunched, Linda sank into her chair, exhaling slowly with an anxious grimace. She raised her eyes to the heavens, considering adding under her professional plaque next to the door of her office:
Per me si va tra la perduta gente Voi ch'entrate qui, lasciate ogni speranza.*
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Shivering a bit and sleep-deprived because it was four in the morning, Chloe clambered out of her car where she had been on stakeout since midnight. The tall silhouette of her partner appeared in her infrared goggles. And he had no business being here. She approached from behind and disengaged the safety of her service weapon.
"What are you doing here, Lucifer?!"
He didn't turn around, completely absorbed, keeping watch towards the exit, more discreet than his usual employees who usually left their shift.
"Shhhht! You're going to mess everything up, Detective!" he whispered, gesturing for her to be quiet and stand behind him.
She gave him a little tap on the leg to get his attention, which didn't work. From a certain point of view, it was good to know he could focus.
Around the corner, at the end of the deserted street, the metal door squeaked slightly on its hinges. In the shadows, Police and Management flattened themselves even more, sucking in their bellies, holding their breath, Chloe inwardly cursing because the big guy in front of her was blocking her view... She recognized one of the Lux's bartenders coming out. The young brunet –predictably handsome– stopped to light a cigarette, drawing a puff with obvious pleasure, shook his match, then made sure it was extinguished before tossing it in a bin.
"Oh, but this is the rascal who swiped my cigarette case!" Lucifer muttered through clenched teeth. "Rest assured, I'll dock it from his paycheck..."
"Lucifer!" she insisted, her service weapon in hand and her hands on her hips. "You have no business being here. Get lost, or I'll throw you in jail for obstructing a police investigation!"
"Please, Detective! Do not wave that thing in my direction, you know I'm sensitive to it... Shh! There she is!" he mused with an audible smile.
Curious, Chloe leaned forward a bit to see what was holding the attention of her stubborn partner, unable to retain the meaning of the words "You're not working on this case". A slim young blonde woman, perched on platform thigh-high boots, wearing a white leather boxer top, a rhinestone and glitter crop top, and an oversized black jacket, slipped outside while craning her neck to look left and right.
"Patrick!" she called out with a worried voice. "Are you still here? Can I walk back with you?"
"Who's that blonde? I don't know her. A new one?"
"Oh no, more like an old one."
"And is that your plan?!" Chloe exclaimed. "One of your girls acts as bait and you intervene to save her? Always ready to give yourself the heroic role, I see..."
Lucifer chuckled quietly, sounding like a purr.
"My dear Detective, you've got it all wrong... I'm intervening to save a potential repeat offender from certain death. Kiki was very much loved. Ah... wait, I hear a noise!"
The Devil's warm, large hand delicately rested on Chloe's arm, pulling her ever so slightly closer in an unconsciously protective gesture. It would have been appropriate to protest, but with the chill in the air, it wasn't easy to convincingly pull him away. She was still wondering how to do it, when a youthful silhouette dressed in a hoodie under a jacket and sweatpants, approached the young woman who was playing lookout.
"Hey beauty, got a light?"
"No. But my boyfriend smokes and he'll be out in a minute," she replied, fluttering her eyelashes. "You can ask him."
"Are you sure there's none in your purse, ma'am? Let me see, I wouldn't want you to break a nail checking…"
"Oh, now that I think about it," she said, feigning airheadedness, "the lighter must be right next to the baton!"
"Huh?"
"Scram, kid, first warning…" she barked with a gravelly voice, startling the unwitting smoker.
Lucifer nodded approvingly, clearly enjoying the spectacle, while Chloe frowned.
"But… is that Maze in disguise over there?!"
"Mhh? Of course it's Maze!… I'm not going to let anyone think they can rob and kill my staff unpunished. It's good that you're here. Perfect timing. If he makes any move to steal her bag, she beats the crap out of him; you handcuff him, then here we go to the station, I'll ask him a few questions, and voila, another case closed!"
"Yes, and… what if it's not him, just some kid trying his luck? Hm? I'll arrest Maze for assault! Lucifer, you can't interfere! How many times do I have to tell you?"
"Since the beginning? I lost count…" he sighed. "Ah… the kid has some brains. He's scarpering."
Chloe re-engaged the safety on her gun and holstered it, feeling relieved nonetheless. She flexed her cold fingers.
"I… I go back staking out from the car, it's right there," she warned, gesturing over her shoulder.
"Yes, very well, let's go! It's been so long since we've done this together…"
"If you put crisps in my car, I'm firing you…"
A growl and some thuds echoed behind them. Another, much bulkier man seemed to appear out of nowhere and charged straight at Maze, fists flying. With her petite frame, the demon dodged and countered with a swift shove to the ribs. With a pirouette, she ended up behind him and delivered a well-aimed kick to his lower back. He grunted, stumbled, regained his footing, and turned around. Maze grinned as she blocked his next attack with both arms, then used one of her weighted heels to bend him over. Without giving him a chance to recover, she swept his legs out from under him.
"Surprise!"
The assailant didn't seem amused at all. Straightening up, he rolled his shoulders and launched another assault. After several brutal exchanges, he managed to lock her in a bear hug, apparently intent on suffocating her. Bones audibly cracked a bit, and the outcome of the struggle became momentarily uncertain as Maze struggled to catch her breath and loosen his grip. She resisted and used one hand to try to claw at his eyes. Increasingly enraged that he couldn't win what should have been an easy victory, the other grabbed her hair and tore it out hatefully. The operation was a success: the whole wig remained in his fingers. Disconcerted, he reacted a second too late, taking a sharp elbow to the stomach. His instinctive dodge left him precariously balanced on one leg... whose toes Maze crushed with his secret, disloyal boot. As he was bent over, she gloated and inhaled deeply.
"You want more?" she taunted him.
Certainly judging that his strength was waning too much in the face of such an inexplicable adversary, he decided to cut short and drew a large blade from his belt. Everything happened at once, and this time Chloe ran towards them while drawing her gun. Two interjections overlapped, one shouting "Ma'am, watch out!" and the other "Los Angeles Police, drop your weapon!"
"But what are you doing, Inspector! Maze clearly has the upper hand!"
Indeed, Maze effortlessly parried the first knife strike with a blow to the attacker's wrist.
"Freeze or I'll shoot!" Chloe warned, both hands gripping her gun tightly, trying to find an appropriate angle to shoot while the two combatants continued to move. "First warning!"
The sound of footsteps approached, and the hooded figure, seen there a few minutes earlier, jumped on the back of the massive attacker, who arched to shake him off, offering a perfect target for a shot.
"Back off! We've got this!" the stranger shouted at a rather annoyed Maze, having her toy taken away.
When Chloe reached him, the big man fell to one knee. With a malicious grin, he turned the knife and plunged it into the thigh of the young man still gripping, making him let go. He didn't have time to do more and found himself pinned to the ground by Maze, her boot pressing down on his groin while Lucifer's palm restricted his oxygen supply. Thus immobilized, he was turned over onto his stomach on the asphalt, while Chloe handcuffed him. Straightening up, her jaw clenched, she recited the standard procedure and called the station for another car.
"Detective Decker?" groaned the young man on the ground. "I'm not doing so well, call an ambulance, I'm bleeding…"
Chloe immediately crouched next to him.
"You're pale. Let me see, Fuentes… I need to know where you've been hit…"
She pulled out her phone and activated the flashlight mode, then grimaced at the sight of the blood still flowing.
"Mh." Maze mumbled, leaning in with curiosity to take a look too, "That's not good. Your femoral artery's hit, buddy."
"Quick, we need to make a tourniquet…"
The two women looked at their attire, searching for something that could be used. Chloe had a belt, but she called out to her partner who was still holding their attacker.
"Lucifer, give me a sleeve of your shirt!" she ordered.
"Are you kidding me?"
"I'm not in the mood, we need something sturdy to tighten it more, and I'll add my belt around…"
"Maze, hold this scumbag…" he grumbled, pulling the suspect towards her to remove his jacket.
"Hey, your guy is passing out."
"Fuentes? Fuentes?"
A patrol car screeched to a halt, and Dan burst out with the phone in his hand, announcing that the ambulance was following. She briefed him on the situation and instructed him to take the big guy to the station for questioning. For her part, she would accompany their unlucky injured colleague to the hospital. Before getting into the ambulance, she stopped in front of Lucifer to deliver a sharp remark:
"There's nothing to be proud of! We should be taking you in, too!"
Faced with this outburst, the Devil stood there, perplexed and sheepish. Disappointed as well to see that things had gone from bad to worse and that instead of patching things up with Chloe, the situation had deteriorated. Dan gave him a knowing pat on the shoulder.
"Well played again, pal! I'm impressed. Go home, I think you've done enough for tonight…"
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When the elevator doors opened on the Lux's floor and she saw Trixie in front of her, Maze gave her a skeptical look. The club was thankfully empty (it was the middle of the afternoon) and the little girl had entered with an enormous beige-furred rabbit with long drooping ears, about a third of her size in her arms.
"What are you doing with that thing, kid?"
"It's not a thing, it's Buggs. I'm taking him to Lucifer. They lent him to me for today, I have to return him tonight…"
"I'm warning you, he's in a foul mood. You'd better not go."
"I know… but he's super cute, look! Who would want to kick us out?"
The little girl brought the placid rabbit next to her face so they were cheek to cheek and fluttered her eyelids. Maze shrugged, muttering something that vaguely resembled "I warned you."
Trixie cautiously stepped into Lucifer's apartment, holding onto her chubby little companion more securely as it emitted a squeak.
"Shh, don't be scared. Lucifer? Are you here?" she called out. "Wait, we'll find him... Geez, I'm really not strong enough to carry you, better adjust your paw... Ow, you have claws... Lucifer?"
She tiptoed towards the bar, intending to place Buggs on a stool. She already suspected he wouldn't be allowed on the couch (which would have been nice because it was lower), nor the piano stool (same good reason), nor on the instrument itself, because scratches on the glossy surface of his piano and car were the same...
"Lucifer? Are you in bed with someone doing sexual stuff I shouldn't see?"
Still without a response, she ventured further into the living room, stealing a tiny sideways glance towards the steps leading to the bedroom, ready to use the large rabbit as a shield. As she eyed the cozy-looking tan couch, she suddenly realized that the master of the house was outside, leaning on the balcony railing, gazing at the horizon while smoking.
"Go away. I don't want to see anyone," he said without turning as she approached the window.
Ever obedient, Trixie propped the rabbit on her hip and tried to slide open the window.
"Oh no, that's too bad. I brought a friend for you," she said cheerfully.
He sighed with annoyance and turned around, intending to say something snide and hurtful, but when he saw the rabbit's droopy-eared head next to the little girl's, her radiant smile giving her a somewhat dim-witted look, he found himself speechless. For a moment, she looked remarkably like Espinoza senior.
"Tadaaa!" she sang proudly.
"What are you doing with this prehistoric monster?" he asked.
"Haha, watch out for his teeth, it's a rabbitoraptor!" she joked before correcting herself. "No, he doesn't run very fast, his name is Buggs, and he is very nice. And very gentle."
"And what do you want me to do with him? A stew for two weeks?"
She turned her head and spotted a recliner on the side. With determined steps, she made her way to it, settled in, and placed the rabbit on her lap.
"It's super easy. You take the rabbit, you put him on your lap... or since you're very tall, maybe you can hold him in your arms... and then you gently stroke his head and sides. Like this," she explained, demonstrating as she spoke.
"It's ludicrous. And I don't even know if he's clean..."
"Probably cleaner than me..." the little girl retorted with a mischievous smile. "See? He's very nice, he doesn't move much, and he likes being petted. Try it. Take him because he's heavy, I chose a big one that would suit you..."
Trixie handed him the rabbit at arm's length. The behemoth blinked. Lucifer grabbed him by the scruff of the neck before placing him against himself as he left the balcony to return inside, the little girl on his heels. He patted the twelve-pound creature's head three times... A miracle that the scrawny kid managed to carry him that far.
"That's very good, thank you very much, I won't walk you, the exit is that way..."
"Oh no! You have to do it more times for it to work... He's a therapeutic rabbit. It means he heals when you're sad. You'd better sit down."
"Is Dr. Martin sending you?" he asked suspiciously.
"No, it's the pet store doctor. I explained everything, and I said that you didn't want to buy rabbits because you didn't think it was right. So, he lent him to me, saying it was okay if it was for an emergency, but to bring it back before snack time..."
Reluctant and somewhat embarrassed, the Devil sniffed and sat on his couch. He settled the rabbit, who immediately nestled its pompom into the crook of his arm before going still. Trixie unzipped her flashy pink backpack, from which she pulled out a Tupperware container. Inside, something green was visible through the transparent lid.
"What now?"
"I've got it all planned out. It's lettuce. Buggs might be hungry, and there's never anything good in your fridge. Come on, come on, pet him, there's not much time left, I have to count how long it takes for me to get back..."
"But how did you get here all alone anyway?"
"On the way here with Mom's Uber account, and on the way back... maybe in your car?" she wondered with a smiling grimace that crinkled her eyes.
"Your mother will shoot me again if she sees me bringing you."
"Oh no. She'll be happy to see that I'm fine."
Not really in the mood for jokes, the Devil pulled out his phone and did his best to type a text with one hand while holding the Beast... He recited the message aloud, keeping an eye on his guest, who was taking out a notebook and a ballpoint pen.
""Beatrice… pulled out… a rabbit…" No, damn autocorrect, a rabbit not rabid... "from her... hat. Come pick up... these... two vile... Dantesque creatures... Immediately..." And send!
Trixie smiled and tossed her braids to indicate that she was going to start her homework. He stopped her from sitting on the couch, on the piano bench, at his desk. Undeterred, she went to sit on the "princess stairs" leading to the bedroom.
He grumbled and mechanically continued to pet Buggs, outstandingly quiet. And for ten little minutes, he allowed himself to think about his fondest memories of the adorable Kiki Afterglow. Her cheerful kindness, her little dimples, her sincere gratitude... Understanding, Buggs buried his snout in his sleeve.
And he continued to remain silent as he slowly began to nibble on it.
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Note
* Translation: Through me goes the lost people, You who enter here, leave all hope behind. (Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy)
Thanks a lot. If you're reading this, maybe things went not so bad.