AN: I am very insecure about this chapter. I don't want to offend anybody an I hope it's reasonably believable.

TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse

I don't own Harry Potter and don't make any profit.

I really care about you

A week later Tonks stepped out of the fireplace at the Burrow.

"Hello Tonks," Molly greeted the younger witch by hugging her.

"How can I help you? You sounded desperate."

"Hi Molly! Please, read this and tell me what to do. I got it half an hour ago," Tonks replied handing Molly a letter. Molly unfolded it and started reading:

Dear Tonks,

I am very sorry about my behaviour last week. It has nothing to do with you. Please believe me! There have been events in my past that make it very difficult for me to let anybody be close to me. But I care very much about you, Tonks. So, I want to explain it to you. But I don't want to do it with this letter. It's something I need to do face-to-face. I hope you understand. Can we please meet? I suggest Hogwarts main gates as a neutral place. If you have time next Wednesday at 6pm. If you don't have time, please let me know so we can find some other day.

Warm regards,

Severus

"Well, this letter is not very well-spoken. Nothing I would have expected from Severus. Something is clearly bothering him. So, Tonks dear, I need a little bit more information about what happened," Molly smiled handing Tonks the letter.

"Let's walk a bit in our orchard," she added, guiding Tonks out into the garden and the young widowed explained what happened.

"… and now I don't know what to do," Tonks ended the story and sighed.

"What does your heart tell you," Molly inquired.

"My heart is still broken over Remus's death," Tonks said unwilling to answer the question.

Molly raised an eyebrow.

"Ok. OK! But my heart IS still broken. About Severus though … Really, I don't know Molly. He is one of the good ones, clearly. He was very sweet to Teddy and to me too actually. But something is not quite right."

"Well, I get that. Question is, do you want to find out and maybe work on it? He clearly is ready for opening up. To be honest, Remus had his flaws and problems too and the two of you made it work."

"I guess you are right. Thanks Molly," Tonks said and hugged her.

Severus was pacing in front of Hogwarts main gates nervously, he knew if she would show up, he would have to be honest with her. He sighed deeply, thinking about what he had to tell her, thinking of how she would react. She hadn't answered his letter, so there was still the question if she would show up. When he saw her walking up to the castle, her hair blazing red, with a grim expression on her face, he was relieved.

Tonks stopped in front of him glaring at him and suddenly without warning she slapped him across the face, her eyes swimming in tears.

"You hurt me Severus Snape, you know that. I don't understand you at all. Every time I touch you, you flinch. I slap you and there is no reaction, no flinching. I kiss you and you run away. I went out on a limb for you. You know, kissing you wasn't as easy as it might have looked. I'm still not sure I was ready, but yet I did it, because I wanted to show you how much you mean to me and you … you just rejected me. I thought there was something between us. And by the way I'm not allowed to touch you, but you can touch me? What that's about? It's sick."

"I never said you weren't allowed to touch me," he mumbled, his cheek burning bright red, from her strike.

"No, you never said so, but you flinch every single time I touch you. That says it all."

"What does it say?" he demanded to hear.

"I don't know. You tell me," she stared at him, standing there with slumped shoulders.

The silent heroic warrior she admired so much was gone, leaving only a broken man, with a haunted expression on his face.

"I will tell you, but not here."

"Why not?" she asked stubbornly.

"Because it's not something I want to discuss here, for others to hear. So, if you trust me and if you care for me just a little bit, you will come with me, and I will tell you what you want to know."

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see. By the way the headmistress knows that we are in the castle. Just in case you were wondering. Are you coming or not? It's up to you," he barked at her.

"I do care about you otherwise I wouldn't be here in the first place. So yes, I'm coming," she hissed.

They walked in silence through the castle. When they arrived at the Room of Requirement on the Seventh Floor, Severus said, "Please step aside, I don't know if this will work otherwise."

Grumbling Tonks did as she was told. Severus was pacing in front of a, what seemed to be an empty wall, concentrating, when suddenly out of nowhere the door to the room appeared. They entered the room and Tonks gasped, when her gaze fell on to a duelling pedestal, quite similar to the one they used in Auror training.

"That's not what I asked for at all," Severus grumbled.

"What did you ask for?"

"A room where we could talk in peace and quiet."

"Wow, it's like the room wants us to duel, doesn't it?" She winked at him almost cocky.

"I thought you want to hear what I have to tell you," he grumbled.

"I do, but it has been so long since I was in a good fight. Please!? You owe me one. I have got the whole evening; I will listen to you I promise. But please duel with me," she begged.

He shook his head, chuckling, "You are odd."

"Yeah, because you are the most normal person to walk this planet," she teased.

"So how is this supposed to work," he wondered.

"Mild stinging hexes, so we won't get hurt, but still know when we get hit," she replied smiling.

Severus sighed stepping up onto the pedestal.

"Do we have to do the whole formalities?"

"No, I think we are fine."

They were standing at opposite ends of the pedestal wands raised, Severus muttering, "That's weird."

But he didn't have time to ponder on that, since the first hex came flying and he had to protect himself. Soon both of them were panting heavily, sweat standing on their foreheads, they were moving silently, only the bouncing off hexes making some noise. With an elegant swish Tonks hit Severus' leg.

"Merlin woman, that was far from mild," he said rubbing his leg.

"Sorry, got carried away," she grinned.

"I've to admit that last move was beautiful though," he smiled.

"Thanks," she said sitting down on the edge of the pedestal, her feet dangling.

"Can we talk now?" he asked sitting down next to her. She nodded.

"I guess you are familiar with Bellatrix Lestrange?" he said aiming his wand at a shelf with a couple of old bottles, making one of the bottles explode and shatter in a thousand pieces.

"My. Aunt. And. She. Killed. Remus," Tonks replied through gritted teeth, with every word destroying one of the bottles.

"I didn't know that it was her, who killed him," Severus mumbled rubbing his neck.

"Well … she … she kind of …" his voice trailed off.

Tonks didn't say anything and didn't look at him, sensing that if would be easier to say what he had to say without her interrupting him.

He squared his shoulders and said quietly, "She abused me."

Severus hid his face in his hands.

"What do you mean by that," Tonks whispered.

Severus hands fell into his lap, and he stared down on them saying quietly, "It was a couple of months after I took the dark mark and after I left Hogwarts. I was young and insecure. Bellatrix always came on to me, apparently, she had a thing for me."

He shuddered at the thought.

"I didn't like her very much. She already was quite crazy, and I had the feeling taking the mark hadn't been my cleverest move. So, I tried keeping her at a distance. But one night at a party, she caught me off guard and tried to kiss me. And when I pushed her away, she snapped. She disarmed me and with a spell pinned me to the floor in the middle of the room. Everybody was standing around watching, there was nobody who would come to help me. Voldemort found it hilarious and egged her on. He always had this strange kink for watching people especially muggles being ravished. Anyway, she undressed me with a flick of her wand and … and…"

A tear was running over his cheek, he angrily brushed away.

"She … she … pleasured herself with me," he said quietly.

"How does that even work, doesn't it need to be … You know what I mean. If you don't want to…"

"There are spells," he replied through greeted teeth.

"That's sick," she said feeling quite nauseated.

"She came three times on me, before she released me and they found some muggles from the street, they could have fun with."

"Severus, she did a little bit more than abuse you. Bellatrix raped you," Tonks said.

"Care for another duel," Severus said his eyes cold.

"Whatever helps," Tonks mumbled.

This time the duel was tougher, both of them thinking of the vile death eater, who destroyed so much in their lives. They were both breathing heavily, their clothes drenched in sweat, sending and blocking spells. When suddenly a lively image of Bellatrix flitted through his mind and with a wave of his wand, he blocked one of Tonks' hexes. The force of his spell lifted her of her feet and had her crashing into the wall behind her, crumpling to the floor unconsciously.

"Bugger!" he exclaimed and hurried over to her side. Severus gently lifted her off the floor, frantically looking around he noticed a settee in front of a fireplace, which hadn't been there a minute ago. He quickly carried her over there and carefully placed her on the settee. Suddenly there appeared a couple of phials with different potions on an end table next to the couch. He kneeled down next to her and ran a few diagnostic spells over her, relieved that she was just unconscious and had a broken wrist. He chose two potions and carefully poured them down her throat. After a couple of moments, she opened her eyes looking into his.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," he whispered.

"Hi," she mumbled, "What happened?"

"I suddenly had this image of Bellatrix on my mind and then I blocked your hex too strong and sent you crashing into the wall. I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be. I haven't felt so alive in a long time," she grinned and tried to sit up. He gently pushed her back onto the settee.

"You have to rest," he said softly.

"And I need to heal your wrist," he said taking her hand into his and murmuring incantations.

"Done!" he announced and softly placed a kiss on her wrist, before letting go of her hand.

"Are you hungry, Tonks?"

"A bit."

"Let me get something to eat from the kitchen, while you rest," he said and left robes billowing behind him.

Tonks stared at the ceiling, thinking about the story she had just heard. She felt really nauseated by what Bellatrix had done to Severus. No wonder he flinched under her touch. She closed her eyes, when she remembered how she had slapped him earlier, knowing now that he didn't deserve it at all. A tear escaped her eyes and she had to hold back a sob, knowing that pity was not what he would want or what he needed. She wiped away the tear and slowly sat up groaning with pain.

"Didn't I tell you to rest," came his amused voice. She turned around smiling at him. Severus had a tray of food and drinks floating next to him.

"I know I'm just not very good with resting," she winced in pain.

"You clearly are in pain. I knew duelling wasn't a good idea," he grumbled.

"It was the best idea. I'll just take a pain reliever and I'll be fine."

Severus shook his head but secretly admiring her strength. He liked strong women. Being a death eater, he was always surrounded by strong women, but none of them held a candle to Tonks. She was not only a strong woman, but also able to love, even unconditionally love. Severus pulled himself from his thoughts and put the tray on the end table. He handed her a plate with sandwiches and a bottle of butterbeer.

"Thanks. I'm really hungry now."

They ate in silence and when Tonks finished, she said, "I'm really, really sorry I slapped you earlier, you didn't deserve it."

"It's my fault. I could have told you."

"It's nothing you just tell random people."

"No. But you are not random."

"Well, I guess not anymore," she smiled.

"Can I still ask you something about that night?"

He nodded.

"Did it happen more often?"

"No just that one time. I think Lucius had something to do with it. He talked to Voldemort. Something along the lines, that I was too valuable and intelligent for their cause, to be broken by Bellatrix."

"Oh, I forgot, there were people watching," Tonks whispered unable to blink away a tear, which formed itself at the thought of how humiliated he must have felt. She quickly brushed away the tear mumbling,

"I'm sorry. I know my tears won't help you. So, there are still people around that know about what happened."

"Only Narcissa, everybody else died. She was the one who told me I should tell you what happened."

"I'm glad she did."

"You know Tonks, I really care about you. You are a strong woman, not cold and distant, but loving. I like that about you. I just don't know if I will be able to give you what you want in a relationship. That is to say if you want to be in a relationship with me."

Tonks sighed, "I care about you too. I like that you don't pity me. I loved duelling with you. I'm just not sure how ready I am for a relationship. Everybody wants me to be in a relationship. They all think three years is enough to mourn Remus. I'm not sure about it…" Her voice trailed off.

"It's your life and your loss and if you think you are not ready for a relationship, then that's your call and nobody else has a say in it," he said hotly.

"Thank you. Thanks for being the one who can accept my decision, when actually you would be the only one, I would grant a say in this matter."

"What do we do now?" he asked somewhat timidly.

"I think we just keep it casually. Get to know it each other better. And we'll see what happens."

"That sounds good to me," he smiled at her.

"Care for a drink at the Three Broomsticks?" he asked.

"That would be nice," she smiled and slowly got up, slightly wincing.

"You are still hurting, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not," she lied, wanting to go to the pub with him desperately.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Okay yes I'm still in pain, but I want to go with you for a drink."

"Stubborn witch," he grumbled but couldn't supress a smile. They walked through the castle.

Once they were outside Severus stopped and turned to Tonks saying, "I'm glad I told you. And you don't … don't seem to be disgusted."

"I'm not. Why would I? I'm disgusted about Bellatrix, more than I have been before, if that's even possible," she sighed.

With a little hesitation and a bit stiffly, he pulled her to him and engaged her in a hug. She instantly melted against his body and relaxed. Suddenly he heard muffled sobs coming from her.

Severus slightly pushed her away from him but still holding on to her and worriedly asked, "Did I do something wrong."

"No … no," she sobbed, "I just miss the comforting hug of … of … a … well … a man."

He pulled her back into an embrace, smiled into her hair and held her even closer than before.

"Shh Tonks. Come on let's get to Hogsmeade, we are both in desperate need of some firewhisky." They made their way to the little village in silence. It was a slow night at the pub and they easily found a table a bit hidden from sight. Severus ordered firewhisky for both of them and Tonks sighed and stifled a yawn.

"I told you, you should rest," he scolded.

"I know, but I need to make the most of the time I'm without Teddy."

"That's ridiculous. You are tired and in pain. You should go home and sleep. I promise we'll come here another night. Come on I'll take you home."

"Can I at least finish my drink?"

"By all means," he said rolling his eyes.

When they arrived at her door he said, "Promise me one thing. Don't go to work tomorrow, take a sick leave, you are in pain."

"It sounds tempting, Teddy is staying at Molly's tonight and the whole day tomorrow."

"If you stay home, I will bring you some lunch. How does that sound?"

"Perfect," she said raising her hand to touch his cheek, but remembering his story, her hand froze in mid-air, and she asked quietly," May I?"

He nodded, but when she cupped his cheek, he stiffened.

"Look at me Sev. It's me, Tonks. I won't hurt you," she warmly smiled at him.

Severus slowly relaxed and brought his hand to hers to capture it at his cheek.

"That feels nice," he said shyly.