Hello, my first fic on this site. After a lot of reading and re-reading other people's stories, I finally decided to write one for myself.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes, English isn't my first language, I put the file in the first translator I found and corrected it with my English from three years of private school, which I finished in 2018. So, yes... Not the best, I'm afraid.

I write mainly in Portuguese, so if you prefer, just Google the title of this story and you'll easily find where I first published it.

It's on $PIrit, so take a look!

Tell me what you think!

KO~NO~SU~BA!

There are many things in my life that have happened completely by chance; in fact, the best ones have only happened that way: suddenly. A mix of luck, sweat - not the right kind - tears, desperation, a lot of prayer and, of course, some inexplicable force that put me where I needed to be at the moment I needed the most. The number of times I cried without knowing what the next day would be like is simply shameful, but it is what it is. A fact of life, I dare say, for all human beings. Fear of the unknown is simply natural, I've always told myself.

Truth be told, I never considered myself a particularly religious person, nor did I know which Sovereign Existence (focus on the capital letters) I was communing with or anything like that! I was never a Christian and I didn't do catechism; I wasn't an weeaboo who believed in Kami or Amaterasu or Tsukyomi or anything else, and I certainly didn't idolize pop icons. Well, maybe one or two singers, but that's beside the point! However, the comfort of believing that there were Higher Beings who imposed a certain order on chaos was something that comforted me in an inexplicable, even indescribable way. The failures became less... well, failures, if I may say so, and the victories became rewards for which we should be extremely grateful. Everything is part of a Divine Plan, designed by the Great Architect of the Universe. By the way, the very idea of Karma is something we all desperately want to believe in - after all, what would be the point of trying to be good? Why not throw it all away and be the worst kind of human being there is, take all the advantages for yourself, licit and illicit, and to hell with the collective?

And so life went on.

Do this! Don't do that! Study! Work! Sleep! Eat! Exercise! Be beautiful and smart! Be rich! Be influential! Don't work for someone else, make other people work for you!

That's the inevitable social pressure, but I don't complain and I don't care, at least not much. I've had a good life, really. If I could, I'd do it all over again, perhaps with a little more effort and determination. I've never been in need, I've never had to work so hard to get what I wanted or needed, things just happened the way they were supposed to. A naturally gifted, intelligent and more or less beautiful person, reasonably well-off and, on top of that, a university student at a renowned college that would put me on a higher level than most of society. I had just entered adulthood and man, the world was just beginning for me! Parties, drugs and clubs, my loves! A quiet, calm and carefree life, everything I'd ever wanted. I had no complaints.

But no!

I just had to die! Hit by a bus, of all things. What a bummer. But still, it is what it is. There's no point running away from fate, when it's time to die, it's time to die. But I really shouldn't have crossed the street without looking to see if the traffic light was open, or fiddling with my cell phone, or looking at that notification on the dating app... When I came to my senses, I was here, shrouded in unfathomable darkness, sitting in a little wooden chair, not knowing how long I'd been there.

Very threatening, I'd say.

"Kylo... Kylo? That's strange... Anyway! Kylo, you had a short life, but you are, unfortunately and without a doubt, dead." Said an ethereal voice, which sounded like liquid gold, cutting through all the darkness I had been enveloped in until then and interrupting the festival of misery I was subjecting myself to.

Suddenly, a spotlight (...huh? When did that appear here? And it's wired and everything...) illuminated the sublime figure of an angel, who was delicately flapping the two wings attached to her back, descending so gracefully towards what seemed to be the ground. Ideal features, perfect body, golden hair cut close to the ear and clothes that looked more like Sailor Moon cosplay. And what's this, she's got no panties on? Wow, angels are really liberal, it seems. None of that conservative Christian crap, thank God.

The angel then sat down on another chair that had also suddenly materialized, just behind a well-polished wooden table, and began to stare at me with an intensity that could put manly men into a fetal position. In fact, it was very exciting. And what looked like a folder was placed on the table; maybe it was my file or something.

And what about Kylo? That's not my name.

"Kylo, 22-year-old young adult, college dropout, single. Current status: dead. I'm the angel currently assigned to your case, so please be patient."

The angelic being said as if he were talking about the weather. Have some empathy, damn it!

"Kylo, I'll be frank. You've lived a life of licentiousness, debauchery and don't have a single humble bone in your body. Premarital sex and routine drug use are minor and generally unimportant sins, but you didn't follow any specific God or religion on your homeworld, even if Their acts and Grace were clear as daylight! Fortunately you haven't done anything so serious, otherwise you'd have a place reserved for you in hell, but you also don't possess the qualities necessary to ascend to the Most High."

The angel then paused in his condemnatory speeches and, as much as I wanted to object, it was all true. At least as far as sins go, not that part of college dropout, that's just plain wrong. I had just entered one of the best colleges in the country! But what's that smell of a sales pitch I'm getting? Even her posture resembled my former manager.

"Years and years lost in front of a computer and the technological devices that you humans idolize so much. The things you used to research... Honestly!" The angel then slammed both hands on the table, making a noise that seemed to echo throughout the room. "You should be sent straight to hell!"

Strong words, darling! I like domination, but let's tone it down a bit, please? I feel like I'm about to piss myself here.

"But I don't make the rules here, I'm just an impartial judge of what will happen from now on. Normally, you would be sent to purgatory for a certain period of time until your soul is cleansed of any taint, but the Superiors, in their infinite goodness, have decided to offer an unprecedented, unique and irrefutable fourth option..."

The spotlight then illuminated her in a very dramatic way, and the angel raised one hand in the air and arched both wings.

But wait a minute, Superiors? Like, plural?!

"Calm down! Is there more than one God? What do you mean?" I asked the most important question in the universe.

"Of course, why shouldn't there be more than one God?" She answered expressionlessly. The timing and dramatic atmosphere were completely lost. "As I was saying, an irrecusable..." The sense of divinity evaporated like dust at that moment.

"So how do I know which religion is the right one?!"

"You shouldn't, because they're all right, in a way. Unless, of course, you worship some evil god or someone who favors the stupid undead." The angel's arched eyebrow and tone showed great annoyance, but right now I couldn't care less.

"Look here, lady, there must have been a mistake. I can't have died, I just can't. Do you realize how hard I've worked hard these last few months? I refuse to die like this! And my dog, who's going to look after him?" I pouted without even taking a breath. "Not to mention my parents! My mother! Seriously, what's all this about questionable research? You should know that I'm quite normal for my age!"

"Kylo... What a stupid name. Your parents are terrible for giving you a name like that, you should have sued them." Yes, ma'am, but that's not my real name, you idiot! "Are you going to let me talk or what? I really should send you straight to hell, forget about Divine Grace..."

"And who is this Kylo you mean? That's not my name, it sounds more like someone's stupid Internet name or something." I decided to get up and look around. Patience more than exhausted at that point. "This whole thing can only be a hallucination, yes, a bad trip, a big one, indeed. It's not possible that the afterlife has someone so insufferable running things."

The angel began to take several deep breaths, as if he were gaining the strength to do something onerous of the highest degree.

"Of course that's your name. Kylo, 22, Japanese hikiNEET supported by his parents, no noteworthy achievements. It's all here in the file. Causa mortis: unsuccessful erotic self-asphyxiation, as I said before. You may be ashamed of your name, and that's normal, I would be too if I were you," the angel said, holding back a debauched laugh. She had her chin resting on her hand as she examined the folder. The only thing missing from this image was that she wasn't wearing glasses or she'd look exactly like my former manager. "Pffftt! And not to mention that stupid death! What kind of pervert kills himself by hanging himself masturbating with a belt around his neck?! Hahahahah! Seriously, of all the deaths I've ever seen, yours is one of the strangest!" And she kept laughing and laughing and laughing...

I couldn't resist either: I laughed at the absurdity as well, surprising the angel. That's not my name, I'm certainly not Japanese and I'm certainly not a hikikimori or NEET supported by my parents. I've lived alone since I was eighteen, I work and I have a dog. Erotic self-asphyxiation, however, hit a little too close.

"And this is the moment when you offer me some generic, silly isekai option? Like killing a Demon King or something like that?" I couldn't help but sneer back. Two can play at this game, loli cosplayer of Sailor Moon. And who are you calling a pervert?! You're not even wearing panties! And I didn't even die like that!

Of course I didn't say that out loud, I'm not an idiot.

"Yes, how did you know?" The angel asked in surprise. "Oh, all those light novels. They sure make my job easier. I'll skip the sales pitch then. Do you accept or not?"

That stupid being had the nerve to look at me expectantly, puppy dog eyes and all. I'm sorry, hallucination, but I wouldn't have imagined such a bombastic blonde loli! My tastes are a bit different and you know it, you stupid brain. Although her cleavage was very nice...

"Did you say sales pitch?"

"No, I didn't say that."

"Yes, you did, I just heard."

"No, I didn't."

"But of course! You just said you were going to skip the sales pitch..." This situation couldn't have gotten more absurd, even if it was a silly romantic comedy. Suddenly, I felt extreme exhaustion, as if I were dealing with a six-year-old child. A small child with cosmic powers who could apparently send me to eternal damnation with the snap of a finger, that is, of course, if the whole thing wasn't a very bizarre hallucination. "You know what, whatever. What were you really saying?" I said tiredly.

"Well then!" The angel clapped his hands in happy applause. "You have been given the unique chance to be transported to a new fantasy world, with a unique and powerful power of your choice, whose sole purpose is to defeat the Demon King and his generals, who spread terror and darkness wherever they go! They destroy, kill, rape and steal everything in their path. The local population lives in despair and no longer wants to be reincarnated in that world, which makes it increasingly depopulated, so the solution the Superiors have come up with is to send honorable heroes! from distant worlds to resolve the situation So tell me, noble knight, will you find it in your lustful heart to save countless innocents from a fate worse than death and, on the way, redeem their sins?"

Apparently appeased by having her desire for drama fulfilled, she looked at me pleadingly, full of expectation.

"What are all these conflicting adjectives? And did I mention that..."

"Look, are you going to accept or not?! I don't have all day, you know! You're holding the line and I've got a lot of other souls to judge! Decide soon if you're going to fall to Belzerg or I'm going to send you straight to purgatory, consequences be damned!"

Take a deep breath, Kylo... Wait, that's not my name. But I can't deny that it's a cool name, kind of heroic and all. Hell, let's just go with the flow of this hallucination then, I've got nothing better to do anyway.

Wait, she said... Belzerg? Like Belzerg of Konosuba? The kingdom of Aqua? The world of comedy, Belzerg? Man, this hallucination was getting more and more complex, but who cares! As long as we're here, let's smile and wave. Smile and wave, boys, smile and wave. Maybe I'll wake up from this strange nightmare. The sooner the better.

And if all this is true... Well, I'd better pretend I'm that Kylo weeaboo or whatever that perverted otaku idiot's name is. Anyway, letting the generalized incompetence of this vapid pantheon take its natural course would be the best choice to make.

"Sure, why not?" To hell with the consequences, really.

"Really?!" I shook my head helplessly. "Kyaaah! Yes! Yes!" My first reincarnation! Take that, Aqua-sama! And I don't even have to trick them like you used to do! Hahaha!" I watched in amazement as this ultra-powerful being did a victory dance as if she had just captured her first pokémon. And then she remembered that she was in a civilized position of authority. The angel suddenly became very shy, and wasn't that a good sign? It wasn't. "Here are the cheat options, feel free to ask me if you have any questions."

And what options there were!

The power to create anything, as long as the desire was strong enough. Link's Master Sword. An infinite inventory like the manhwa The Gamer or Minecraft, depending on your point of view. A Ring from Lord of the Rings and many other fictional objects and powers that are absolutely broken, given the right conditions of use. There was even the Rinnegan and the Sharingan! Damn metal powers like climate control, intangibility, unlimited transportation, telekinesis and so on. The catalog seemed to last forever.

However, there were two extremely important factors: firstly, this is all one big hallucination, so whether I choose something or not won't make the slightest difference. And secondly, even if the smallest of hypotheses really happened and this whole situation is real, if I really died and the isekai package via truck-kun to a fictional anime world is really a possibility, then these cheats are all crap.

But listen to me before you throw stones! They're powerful and all, but they're all flawed for the same reason: they're all limited. A very high limit that puts the user at God's level or very close to it, but still limited. Some are even worse than others, because they are items, and if I didn't have access to these items it would be the same as not having the cheat. It also doesn't take into account the cost of using these items or powers; some could be prohibitively expensive to activate, which would put me in an even worse position. There's also the possibility of them being misrepresented, used against me or having irrationally specific conditions of use, such as having to be traumatized to activate the Sharingan or something like that.

No, the right answer here was something else.

"Hmmm, lady angel..."

"Miss, please. I'm just a new angel." She said it with the same intensity as before, which now seemed much more familiar.

Now I understand what all that intensity was for. I'm sorry for confusing you with my old manager, Ms. Angel; all that intensity is that of a new employee being pressured to make a sale! And turns out that I was her first sale.

"Err, right, miss. Are these the only cheaters here?" I said, waving the sheets of paper from the energy catalog.

The angel shook his head negatively, already knowing what I was getting at.

"No, they're just examples. You can ask for something else, but the cheat must be deliberated by the Superiors, so it can't be something absurd or stronger than the ones already in this catalog."

"Okay, fine. I'll have an experience multiplier then, the strongest you can get." I asked, certain of my choice

"Haaaah?! Something so boring?!" Said the angel, surprised. "You could have chosen any power, something capable of shaking mountains, and you go with something so stupid?!

I just shook my head. You can find it boring all you want, stupid angel, but a passive skill is a passive skill, regardless of your point of view. Even better if it helps someone get stronger faster.

"Are you really sure?" I shook my head again. "Hmmph! Don't complain later, mortal." And then she did the most absurd thing I've ever seen in my life: she put her hand to her ear, made a phone sign and started talking on it. What was even more insane was that I could hear voices coming out of her hand. Seriously, what the fuck?! "Yes... Yes... He says he's sure. Can it be then? Okay, thanks, Big Boss! Okie-dokie!" And then the call ended.

"I take it everything went well?" A dead man can still hope, it seems.

"Naturally. Big Boss also believes it was a stupid choice, but if you're sure, so be it." She said with an air of superiority. Seriously, what an insufferable girl. Where can I make a complaint?! And what's this about the boss thinking it's stupid? I was fundamentally offended "The strongest possible, as you asked, is a universal experience multiplier of 300%, nothing more, nothing less. Can you confirm that?" She asked.

"So surely it's a universal multiplier of 300%, right? Will there be any cost in mana?" It was the angel's turn to shake his head. "Then I agree."

"Get up, hero." She said it with that same air of divinity, hardly sounding like the same person (being?).

The angel - whom I just realized I didn't ask his name and, frankly, I didn't care - raised her right hand and a strobe light was thrown in my direction. I didn't even have time to react, as it entered my chest and all I could feel was an indescribable warmth, which wasn't uncomfortable or anything, just a feeling that everything was fine and that I should always have been like this. It was as if the softest blanket in the universe was wrapped around me, while at the same time the whole environment seemed incredibly and uncomfortably cold. There are no words to describe the sensation. At the same time, sparks of all the colors of the rainbow began to be emitted from all my limbs, until the sensation ceased completely.

I couldn't help but feel amazed by it all.

And I must have looked very foolish, because the angel hid a giggle behind his hands, looking more like a schoolgirl than a divine being. What a tsundere.

Where's that posture from five seconds ago?!

"Your divine power has been successfully delivered. Now enter the summoning circle, you will be sent to Axel, the city of beginners, immediately." It was when she said these words that a large blue circle materialized under my feet, mysterious symbols everywhere. I began to float and my body became brighter and brighter and, paradoxically, more translucent.

"Oh! Noble hero! I pray that-"

"Wait, wait!" I interrupted her once again, knocking hard on the barrier. "I don't get any money?!"

"Teehee! I almost forgot!" She said embarrassed and then reached into her... bra (how did that fit in there? No, better not think about it) and pulled out a cloth bag, apparently full of coins. "Here!" The angel threw it towards me and I almost dropped it.

And then she went back to her previous speech, with her arms open theatrically.

"Oh, noble hero! I pray that of all the potential heroes, you will be the one to defeat the Demon King!" A true drama queen. "If you succeed, we'll grant any wish as a gift from the Gods! Let your journey begin!"

And I couldn't help but get excited! Hallucination or not, I've always wanted an isekai adventure in a world of fantasy and magic.

"Now go and bring light into this dark world!"

And with a flash of light, I was out.

Hopefully, out of this nightmare.

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Tell me what you think!