Cardin shitpost Cardin shitpost Cardin shitpost
Cardin shitpost Cardin shitpost Cardin shitpost
Cardin shitpost Cardin shitpost Cardin shitpost
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Life #100 (????)
The shrill beep of the alarm greeted Cardin Winchester as he cracked his eyes open. His large frame stretched out on the soft dorm bed, sitting up in his bed, he gazed at his dorm room for the millionth time.
Russel, Dove, and Sky snored loudly, arms splayed out haphazardly. This sight always filled him with pride, he was the leader of these fine gentlemen.
How many lives had it been since he first attended Beacon?
Too many to count, but like sexual partners, you never forget your first.
Not that he'd had many partners, in fact quite the opposite, he literally only had one.
He closed his eyes, the sight of a foxy red-haired woman with an inviting smile, an alluring yet fluffy fox tail trailed behind her.
She was a fox in every sense of the word, no literally, she was a fox.
A faunus
He'd realized now that back then, he was just an immature brat lashing out at the world, he'd only learned tolerance later on in his first life.
He probably should have explained the fact that he'd lived more than one life before he mentioned the fact that he wasn't racist anymore.
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Life #1
The war against Salem had been won, it had taken several years, and many sacrifices, but the final battle against the forces of the grimm were wiped out. In that moment, the world had united in a momentary sigh of relief.
And then the world moved on, sure there were grimm left, but they were no more than the wild animals their demonic visages were molded after.
Cardin was working on the frontlines of Vale's reconstruction, something his dad had him doing in order to improve his family's image just in time for his dad's next run for his seat on the council.
It was in the middle of doing renovations for the local recreational center that he had met her
Victoria linn, the woman in charge of the children in the recreation center. Also, the woman who would end up married to Cardin Winchester.
Of course, he was apprehensive at first, as the biases he was raised with had made him avoid her at the start. Which sparked intrigue in the fox faunus, leading to her courting Winchester. After a lot of persistence on Victoria's end, Cardin had accepted to hang out at a coffee shop.
His fate was sealed from that moment on, dates, late night talks, and a huge excommunication from his family later, and Cardin had married Victoria at age 29.
Then the Winchester's welcomed their first child into the world, a first in the large family that eventually surrounded them.
They surrounded Cardin on his deathbed decades later, smile lines on his face became proof of a good long life for the huntsman, his wife settling a hand on his as his life ebbed away.
Although living on a fraction of the money he used to live on when he was living the life of a senator's son, Cardin Winchester died an extremely wealthy life, one that had made him rich in love and companionship.
And thenâ there was darknessâ andâ light?
Cardin Winchester stared into the great beyond, two figures stared back.
A brightly glowing figure, a humanoid with what looked like deer antlers.
Another figure, this one a pitch black which sucked up the light of the first figure. Atop its head were curved goat horns, accenting his mystical form.
Had he died and ended up here 50 years earlier, he would've called these two a slur.
"Cardin, son of the Winchester's, you have been chosen for a divine responsibility." They seemed to have said something unison, their voices meshing together like their appearance, a painfully harsh collision of light and darkness.
Too harsh, especially for Cardin's worn out eyes.
"Forgive me." The brighter of the two had flared for a second, as if reading Cardin's thoughts. "I forget just how fragile you humans grow to be."
In an instant, everything felt much better. No creaking bones, eyesight clearing up, Cardin felt like he was 7 feet tall. He looked at his hands, shocked at what he saw.
Youthful, smooth skin, stretched tight against the palm of his hands. Burly, meaty fingers prodded up to his face, feeling for the familiar wrinkles that had started showing for the past decade and a half. "What have you done to me?"
Cardin heard his voice, clear, commandingâ and higher pitched than normal?
"For the purposes of your responsibility, we have granted you your youth."
"What responsibility!" Cardin angrily shouted, the temperament that came with age hadn't quite left him. "I died already, doesn't that mean I'm done?"
"It would." The figure of light explained, suddenly pacing around Cardin.
"But then you changed everything." The figure of darkness continued, pacing around Cardin in a manner that mirrored the other.
"Tell us, whose life do you think you have affected the most?" Both asked in unison.
"My children, of course." Cardin responded, he stepped back, nerves flaring up as the figure of darkness shook its head. "My wife?"
The figure of light was the one who shook its head this time, instead gesturing to its counterpart.
"The world, Cardin." The figure of darkness, stepping forward in time with its pair. "You have affected the world, Cardin."
Cardin's fresh eyes widened, he was taken aback, his back hadn't been this straight in years. "And how in the hell did I do that?"
"That's what we want to find out, hence, your divine responsibility." Both figures now circled him continuously from opposite sides, their voices blurred together. "Without your contribution, Salem would have likely won in the end, and we would have passed a final judgment on you humans."
"How do I find that out?" Cardin, starting to freak out at the notion of humanity being extremely close to mass extinction.
"That is what we want you to find out, all it takes is a single person, Cardin" Their pacings had begun to spin faster and faster, to the point where they became a whirlwind of shadow and light. Cardin felt himself get lightheaded, before he eventually passed out.
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Life #2
Cardin had woken up in a bed, a little stiff, and bleary eyed. He let himself adjust to the sight before him, a beige colored ceiling, and sunlight cutting into his window.
"Where the hell am I?" Cardin's hand snaked to his side, trying to feel for a second body next to him. An old habit he developed when he slept with his wife, except his wife wasn't there, nobody was. It was a twin bed, something he hadn't slept in since his Beacon academy days.
Wait, what?
Cardin looked to his surroundings, taking in everything. Four twin beds, each one occupied by someone. They weren't just anyone, it was Cardin's own team!
He was back in Beacon academy, on top of the fact that he was physically 17 years old!
"Goddamn it!" Cardin covered his mouth, shocked at the slight crack in his voice, something that faded within a year or so. He ran to the bathroom, inspecting himself in the mirror, his smooth skin snapped tightly to his face.
So it really hadn't been a dream, or some sort of panicked vision from his dying spirit. He was really back, a pit settled in Cardin's stomach as he realized this.
It would be years before he met his wife, and even longer before he made her his wife!
Oh... and Salem was now a looming threat that only he knew of.
Perhaps he should figure out how to stop that first.
Cardin had absentmindedly finished up his morning routine, old routines setting in. He was the first one out in the morning, normally he would have woken up his team to prepare them for the morning, but he was too freaked out about what the two beings had told him.
"It only takes a single person, huh?" Cardin scratched at his chin, walking mindlessly down the hall, barely noticing someone else fiddling with their weapons next to him as Cardin walked by. The telltale blond hair and nervous gait were the traits of one Jaune Arc, riddled with anxiety and a serious case of imposter syndrome.
In another life, at this exact moment, Cardin had smacked the shield in Jaune's hands, causing it to expand to the point stopping its wielder. Jaune would face plant, Cardin would laugh, everyone would have a good time all around.
With Cardin overthinking the being's message, he never got the chance to start that long line of relentless bullying.
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Life #2, Three years later.
Atlas had burned to the ground, Mistral was overtaken by Grimm, and most of Vale had taken emergency evacuations to Vacuo.
Unfortunately, Vacuo was under siege by a power that could only be described as god-like.
Cardin stood guard at the entrance of a makeshift refugee camp, eyes vigilant for any new movements.
An absolute truckload of things had gone differently, and Cardin sort of had an inkling to what happened.
Jaune ended up dropping out of Beacon a couple months into the school year, lowering team JNPR's member count to 3, 2 after the fall of Beacon.
Team RWBY had gone missing during the destruction of Atlas, and most of Atlas' best huntsmen.
Standing next to him, also staring out into the desert, was Nora Valkyrie, who managed to get to Vacuo from Atlas around the same time Cardin was stationed here. She immediately took to helping out with guard duties, defending the camp from stray grimm. Her partner, Lie Ren, was inside, masking the refugees with his semblance.
Lightning crackled in the distance, dark clouds rolled in, Cardin knew this would be his final stand.
"Eyes up, we got a visitor." Cardin warned Nora, both readying their weapons.
"I'm on it!" Nora readied her hammer, Cardin walked a couple feet towards the distance.
"I know you're there!" Cardin shouted at the sky, his mace coming up in front of him.
A single crackle of lightning flashed in front of them, 20 feet away, blinding the two huntsmen for a fraction of a second.
The lightning was gone, sand particles began to settle, just as Cardin was able to make out the form of the person who had appeared after the lightning.
Cinder Fall, currently in possession of both Fall and Winter maiden's power.
"Are you the last dregs of huntsmen left defending the people here?" Terrifying energy came off of Cinder, a sense of danger hitting both Cardin and Nora.
"We're just waiting on backup." Cardin didn't let the nerves get to him, showing fear would be his downfall.
"We can make this quick." Cinder's words were drenched in a seductive edge, belying her sinister intent. "I'd like to dig out the Summer maiden from your little group of immigrants. If you let me pass without problem, and she isn't there, I'll leave without trouble. If she is, I'll just take her with me, again, without problem. But, if you try to get in my wayâ"
Cinder's eye blazed to life, accenting her eye in a wing of fire, her other eye doing much the same but with ice.
Cardin stared down the power of two maidens, an obvious tremble in his hand.
"So, what shall it be?"
"You're not getting past us." Cardin barked, readying his stance.
"Just remember, I gave you the choice." Cinder lunged forward, fire blazing behind her as she raised her weapons brandished from ash.
Cardin just managed to avoid her, smacking her away with his mace, the fire dust crystal in his weapon blasting her back a couple feet.
Cinder definitely had the advantage when it came to raw power and skill, but Cardin had several decades of experience behind him.
Cardin leaned back as Cinder instantly materialized a blade of ice from her arm, aiming to stab into his neck.
There was one thing that Cinder didn't account for, and she was quickly approaching with a swinging hammer.
Nora slammed her weapon into Cinder's head, knocking her towards Cardin.
Cardin acted quickly, holding Cinder in place with the handle of his mace held against her throat.
"What are you doing!" Cinder rasped out.
"Now!" Cardin yelled at Nora, a few feet away, with her weapon raised toward the sky.
Cinder had been a looming presence in the sky, using her power among the clouds, expending a mass amount of heat among the night sky. Which in turn, caused thunder clouds to roll in, something that always came with-
A bolt of bright energy hit Nora, crackling through her veins.
Lightning!
Nora was supercharged now, already running towards Cinder and Cardin who held her in place. All that power was nothing if it couldn't hit its target, which was why Cardin had decided to be the sacrificial lamb.
One shot and it would be over.
Cinder, enraged at this ploy, flared her power, her body engulfed by flames.
These flames consumed Cardin as well, he was burned to ashes before he had even registered, he never knew if Nora managed to crush Cinder's head to a pulp.
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Man! Incineration was painful!
"What did you learn in this life?" The brothers asked.
Cardin had opened his eyes to see that he had been brought back to the infinite void where he met the two holy beings.
"That all those time travel movies were legit, also that Jaune must've done something to keep Cinder from getting the Winter maiden's power." Cardin fixed up a crick in his neck, death wasn't so bad the second time around, like falling out of bed.
"And why did you fail to repeat your first life?" The figure of darkness asked.
"I didn't, Jaune wasn't there when he did what he did the first time around." Cardin felt a little defensive, he didn't necessarily fail, it was out of his control.
"So then what do you have to do?" The figure of light inquired.
"Make sure Jaune stays in Beacon?" Cardin scratched at his head.
"Correct, shall we send you off now?"
"Wait!"
The two figures paused before they cast their power upon Cardin, they responded in unison. "What is it?"
"Who are you two?"
"Have you not figured it out yet? We are the masters of your fate, the ones who decide if humanity thrives or perishes." Both beings boomed.
"So you're like, gods?"
"We are above your species as mortals, correct."
Cardin took a second to think about this, tapping at his chin. "So then why do you need me specifically for this experiment, can't you just conjure up someone else to do this and just let me rest?"
The two brothers turned their back to Cardin, whispering amongst each other. They took the better part of 10 minutes before turning around to answer Cardin.
"We just remembered, we are your gods, we don't have to justify anything to you." They conjured their magic, power flowing all around them. "We hope you'll find more success in this life."
"Assholes." Cardin muttered under his breath as he soon blacked out again.
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Life #3
How the hell did I do this in my first life?
Cardin stepped onto the ledge of his window, he'd been waiting for this moment for weeks now. All he had to do was keep an ear out of his window near curfew time, as soon as he heard some voices above him, he knew he had to act.
"Cause this is always what I've wanted to be! My father, my grandfather, and his father before him were all warriors! They were all heroes! I wanted to be one, too. I was just never good enough." Jaune confessed, unaware anybody other than Pyrrha was listening.
Cardin tried not to look down, he knew he'd get nauseous and slip. "God, teenagers really do think they're invincible." He muttered under his breath with every inch he managed to raise himself up.
"If that's what you think is bestâ" Pyrrha had left, leaving Jaune to his pity party of one.
Only to see an uninvited guest.
"Cardin!" Jaune yelped as he had seen the lumbering boy, with good reason. Sure, Cardin had largely kept to himself and his team, not bothering to mess with anyone. But he was still a staggeringly seven feet tall, with a serious demeanor. And he had just overheard that Jaune had cheated his way into Beacon, a highly competitive huntsman school.
Cardin, to his credit, had not exploited Jaune this time around. He had to treat this with the same gentle encouragement he used on his grandchildren, except he couldn't keep his aging temper in check.
"Get your head out of your goddamn ass!" Cardin yelled at Jaune, like he would've done to his son when he was being unreasonable in his later years.
"What?" Jaune was frozen in surprise, he'd expected anything and everything, except for this.
"You forged some transcripts, so what?" Cardin tried to not do it, but he shook his fist as if trying to dissuade a boy off his lawn. "You passed initiation, that's enough to prove you belong."
"Thanks-" Jaune was interrupted.
"But you need to prove that you deserve to stay." Cardin touched his hand to Jaune's shoulder, a sign that he was sincere with his advice. "Because sooner or later, you're going to get left behind."
"So what do I do?" Jaune didn't think he'd be getting a pep talk by a classmate he rarely crossed paths with.
"I'd say you start training seriously, but unfortunately, your best chance just walked back to her room." Cardin figured it would've been suspicious if Jaune immediately went back on his decision. "Best to let her settle down before you ask her if she can train you, for now, I'll have to do it."
"Really, you'd do that for me?" Jaune looked hopeful, suddenly every burden felt much lighter.
"Sure, why not, you can help me with my homework, and I can show you what you need to learn." Cardin let go of Jaune. "What do you think you can work on?"
"I should probably swing my sword better?"
Cardin was caught off guard at that, disbelieving in what he was hearing.
"Don't you already know how to fight with that thing?" Cardin pointed at Jaune's weapon.
At this, Jaune nervously laughed, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I just sort of took this without thinking, I'm not too sure on how to use it to its best potential.
Cardin rubbed his own face, this was going to take a while.
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The In-between
"How, pray tell, did you manage to fail this life as well?" The figure in darkness mocked as Cardin woke up again from his most recent fuck up.
"Well it's kind of hard to top getting trained by THE Pyrrha Nikos!" Cardin shouted back at the brother of darkness, he felt entitled to snap back at the god, seeing as he was participating in their dumb game.
"What difference does it make?" The dark brother shrugged.
"The difference is that I was learning to use my weapon in public school when she was getting taught privately by world class huntsman." Cardin stretched as he sat up, even in between lives, he woke up with back pain. "Of course I wasn't going to be able to teach him as well as she did?"
"Perhaps you should reflect on what happened differently in this life." The brother of light chimed in, his input invaluable compared to his insufferable brother.
Jaune had taken to training with Cardin, using his 30 years of huntsman experience to teach him how to deal with grimm. Unfortunately their skill requirements were too different, Cardin had no experience with a sword, and Jaune was too stubborn to use anything else, and too prideful to ask Pyrrha for help after blowing her off.
This led to a mediocre huntsman crash course, one cut short when they were deployed into Vale when the breach started. Jaune had made a misstep fighting an Ursa, and Cardin, on instinct, dashed in before Jaune was dealt a lethal blow. The wounds were too deep, and Cardin had nobody to help him, he died on the battlefield without knowing if Jaune survived or not.
"He has to train with Pyrrha." Cardin said, resolute in his goal.
"How did he get to train with her in the first place?" The god of light questioned, continually feeding Carding the easy questions until he could find the answer.
"They made up after their big fight, which only happened because he saved me, after I blackmailed him." Cardin looked to the brother of light, understanding as the god nodded slightly. "I have to bully him again."
"You have to course correct, to how you acted in your first life." The god of light confirmed, he produced a flimsy piece of paper. "To help you, I have something to keep you on track, I'm sure you'll find this very useful."
Cardin took the paper from the god, eyes widening when he saw what was printed on it. It was his wedding photo, his wife standing in a stunning white dress as he stood in a regal black suit.
"What the hell is this?" Cardin gave the god of light, ready to throw a punch if need be.
"It is merely a form of tracking your progress." The god of light informed him, his voice comforting in a way. "Should you be on the right track, the photo will stay the same, should you cause a deviation, the photo will change."
"So as long as I get it right, I'll be able to go on with my life like normal, right?" Cardin stared longingly at the photo, as if willing it to reality.
"That is correct."
"Then what's the hold up? I'm ready to go now!" Cardin lay back on the void, shutting his eyes immediately.
Life #4
When Cardin woke up, he looked at his surroundings, his dorm the same that it had been the last three times he had slept in it on this specific day. He went through his morning routine, his teeth brushed to perfection, his hair tousled in the morning, and his armor pristine and ready.
Exiting his dorm for the day, he spotted Jaune, nervously walking with a stack of books in hand.
Cardin promptly smacked them out of his hands as he passed by, heavy textbooks crashing to the floor. Jaune yelped as his foot was crushed by "Anatomy of the grimm, vol 1."
"Hooligan!" Cardin shouted behind him as he gleefully skipped to class.
He may have needed to brush up on his teen vocabulary.
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12 years later.
Huh, it really was that easy.
Cardin stood across the love of his life at the altar, Victoria smiled back at him in adoration.
Everything had gone just as the brothers planned(as long as Cardin did what he needed to do), and Jaune had grown up to be a superb huntsman, ultimately playing his part and leading to the end of the war with Salem.
And everything else, well, it fell into place like dominoes. Most importantly, to Cardin, his whirlwind romance had occurred as well.
There were a few missteps along the way, and a couple times his wife had disappeared, but he managed to get Jaune back on track.
Speaking of, he had sent invitations to Jaune and his team, without them, none of this would be possible. Only Jaune came, the others much too preoccupied with their huntsman work to come.
At least he did manage to receive a gift from the Schnee family, good thing rich people never look through their own mail!
Cardin looked out into the crowd, spotting the mop of familiar blonde hair, Jaune gave a subtle thumbs up before Cardin was supposed to say his vows.
And as the priest made his final statements, Cardin reflected back on his path back to paradise, he closed his eyes as he leaned in to kiss Victoria.
Everything was perfect.
...
Cardin was faced with the void once more.
"What!" He shouted.
The god of light appeared, he began to speak. "Cardin Winchester-"
"THE FUCK!" Cardin threw his arms up in the air.
"Are you finished?" The brother of light asked.
"Fuck you, why am I here?!" Cardin shouted back. "I only got 30 years after I did your work for you!"
"Cholesterol." The god of light patiently answered.
"What?" Cardin was suddenly apprehensive. "But I kept myself fit!"
"But you still had three extra slices of bacon every morning for a couple decades." Darkness manifested, his cackling cutting through his brother's and Cardin's tension. "Maybe you shouldn't have taken up that little hobby of smoking meat."
"Hey, the Treager was on sale." Cardin had become distracted, now he focused on his real point. "Why am I here? I did what you needed me to do, I should be doing whatever it is people do after they die."
"We're not done with you yet!" The god of darkness growled, he looked at Cardin as if he wasn't a living being. "You had the benefit of already knowing how your first life played out, perhaps we shall throw some variables at you."
"What the hell does that mean?" Cardin began rushing at the god, his hands outstretched, intent on catching the darkness off guard.
"Why don't you figure that out for yourself?" The god of darkness snapped his fingers, Cardin disappeared into thin air before he ever made contact.
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Life #5 (nuthing personnel kid.)
Where the fuck is Jaune?
Cardin scanned the cafeteria, looking for the key to his future. Try as he might, he just couldn't find him. He'd already tried stalking his dorm room, and even checked the rooftop to see if he and Pyrrha had started their mentorship a couple months early.
Now all that was left was to check the cafeteria at all hours of the day, he already had some citations from some of the professors for skipping class to stay in the mess hall. But a couple days in detention was nothing if his whole future was at stake, so Cardin waited.
A myriad of thoughts swam through Cardin's head, what if Jaune didn't make it to Beacon, what if Jaune dropped out. An even more mortifying thought occurred to him, what if somebody else was bullying him.
"Only I get to fuck with Jaune!" Cardin slammed his fist on the table, causing a couple classmates nearby to jump up in surprise. He stood up, and stalked towards a table in the middle, one that he had refrained from nearing until now.
Laughter was shared amongst the group, but it all centered around one person.
What caught Cardin's attention was that this person, seemingly replaced Jaune.
He was tall and broad shouldered, muscles apparent under the black trench coat. Cardin noticed that this guy also had a katana strapped to his side, likely having some mechashift capacities. The most striking thing about him was his gray ears sticking out at the top of his head, he was a wolf faunus. It wasn't too odd, faunus were a part of the population after all. But what really caught Cardin off guard, was the fact that the guy also had a sleek tail sticking out from his backside.
I thought faunus were only supposed to have one animal trait.
This boy was surrounded by team RWBY, with Yang and Ruby on either side of him, fawning over him. Weiss and Blake sat across from him whilst they fought over who got to feed him. Beside them were Nora and Pyrrha, vying for his attention.
Cardin knocked twice on the table, getting everyone's attention.
"Hey, hello." Cardin offered a quick wave, no response. "Have you guys seen Jaune?"
"Who?" Ruby murmured.
"Jaune, Jaune Arc." Cardin clarified.
"We dun now any dolts by that name." Weiss retorted, giving a haughty look at Cardin. She grew tired of fighting Blake for the boy's attention, shoving her to one side to jut her spoon forward to feed the wolf faunus. "Can you bac off, Blak? I'm trying to fed Timberwolf DarkFang Lupin Bloodedge Crimson his lunsh."
What the fuck? Cardin understood none of what she said, except for maybe the name, if it could even be called that.
"He ppreffers food from my playte, so beck off you washboard!" Blake blushed as she managed to get the boy to eat from her spoon.
Weiss recoiled in shock, regarded herself, then shouted back. "Go back to reading you're filthy smut!"
Now it was Blake's turn to recoil, "it is litriture, and you know it!"
"Can you guy's speak normally, for fuck's sake!" Cardin had a sudden outburst, not meaning to surprise them, but it was like Beacon had only accepted them on their huntsmen capabilities alone.
"You wil nut, speek to them like that!" This was the boy with the really complicated name, he stood up, glowering at Cardin.
"And who are you to tell me I can't." Cardin started to become irritated, he stood up straight to match the other boy's confidence.
"I tell yo hoo i am." The boy stared up at Cardin, his teeth grit, revealing wolfish fangs. Again, a third faunus trait that this guy wasn't supposed to have. "I am Timberwolf DarkFang Lupin Bloodedge Crimson."
Cardin looked him dead in the eye, and smirked. "I'll just call you Tim for short, listen, I'm just looking for my friend Jaune. Any chance you've seen him?"
"Is he with Salem?" Timberwolf growled, his teeth boring into Cardin.
Cardin kept his composure, internally freaking out, how could this guy know about Salem? He feinted ignorance. "What are you talking about, Tim?"
"Salem." Timberwolf growled, his fists clenched at his sides. "When I was a kit, she wipped out mah village, my family! She killed the entire DarkFang Lupin Bloodedge Crimson clan, right in frunt of me. That's why I'm here, I will have ma ravenge!"
"What you should have is a semester in an English class, seriously, you sound like a 5 year old playing with his toys!" Cardin responded.
"Wut you say????" Ruby shouted at him, more offended for Timber than he was for himself.
"I'm just saying that you guys and Tim over here could stand to brush up on some basic English pronunciation." Cardin immediately tracked his eyes to Yang, who had shot up in her seat.
"Tek that bacc!" Yang shouted, only to be gestured to sit down by Timberwolf.
"I gawt this." Timberwolf stepped up to Cardin, he was just a few inches shy of Cardin's height. "Why dontcha stop bothering me and my girlfrends?"
"Girlfriends?" Cardin had an incredulous look on his face, as he scanned the table, specifically Yang and Ruby. "So they're all in a relationship with you, but two of them are sisters. Isn't that like, illegal? At the very least it's wei-"
Cardin ducked under a swing of Timberwolf's fist, he promptly stepped back. "Whoa, Tim, it wasn't that serious!"
"It doesn't mater that their sisters, what mattes is they luv me!" Timberwolf lunged forwards, reaching a hand out towards Cardin's chest. His hand latched onto the breast pocket of Cardin's school uniform.
Eyes widened, and a fist clenched, before he knew it, Cardin punched Timberwolf in the face, sending the wolf faunus to the table where team RWBY sat.
Cardin fished in the breast pocket, found the folded up piece of paper, and proceeded to unfold it.
It had been the wedding photo the God of Light had given to him, the one with his wife. Whether it was in use or not, it was an important item to him, so having it almost crushed really put Cardin in a sour mood.
What surprised him was the fact that the paper was empty, whatever he had done had somehow disrupted the chain of events to come.
Cardin looked at Timberwolf, who was metaphorically licking his wounds(not literally, that has some negative racial connotations), his face suddenly unsure, perhaps about this fight, perhaps about his life choices. Timberwolf was soon snapped out of it from a squeaky high pitched voice, he looked to his side to see Ruby.
"You can beet him, Timberwolf DarkFang Lupin Bloodedge Crimson! Rember, you beated all the huge grim during inishiashun, you were sooo kewl, and he's only a bully." Ruby pointed an accusatory finger at Cardin.
"Yeah!" The rest of Tim's harem chanted, giving Tim the resolve he needed to fight.
Slowly, the picture faded itself back into existence, catching Cardin's eye as he kept track of Tim. Suddenly, he saw the connection, the fact that the picture of his wedding became visible to see at the same time as when Tim decided to stand up to Cardin.
Timberwolf charged at Cardin, ducking under Cardin's swinging fist. His hands immediately diving for the hilt of his sword, the click of unsheathing was heard.
"Heh." Timberwolf huffed a bit at a single second pause, his mind resolute. "Nuthing personnel kid."
Sword slashes deafened the room's chatter, everyone seeing who had pulled out a weapon. Because seriously, who brought a fucking weapon to lunch?
Cardin was humiliated, he had gone down in one second, he only had a glimpse of the paper he dropped, the picture clear as the day as it had been taken. His mind made the connection almost instantly.
Tim is the secret to unlocking the key to beating Salem!
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Life #100 (????)
Cardin cracked his neck, he was ready for today, it was the big day!
He had gone through numerous lives, meeting a lot of different people that had filled the void that Jaune left, sometimes, Cardin would stray off the beaten path to see if he could check up on Jaune. Oftentimes the other lives would see him staying and working on a farm with his parents.
A quiet, simple life, it suited Jaune well.
But that wasn't the point, as far as Cardin knew, today would be the biggest day of his lives.
The gods had told him that this would be his last life, as long as he was able to complete the experiment. So just as soon as he managed to get through today, he'd be able to enjoy the rest of his life.
It was insane to think about, mentally, Cardin might've been more than a century old. His accumulated years were only held down by stupid mistakes, causing him to jump to other lives sooner rather than later.
But now, he couldn't afford to mess up this time around, the rest of his life lay just behind the double doors leading to the cafeteria.
His gaze swept across the room, nobody really stood out, which was odd. Normally, Cardin would see someone with hair crazier than normal. He'd then goad them into a fight, finally getting beaten up to prove that whoever beat him was superior in a physical and moral sense.
Cardin winced as he had remembered some of his more painful encounters with these "varied" replacements.
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Life #17 (My life is like a video game)
Cardin stood dumbly watching his teammates bicker amongst themselves in the middle of a ring, while not an actual fighting ring, it was implied by how their fellow students circled around them in the mess hall.
"Why am I level 1?!" Sky whined as he pointed at Russel, who had a weird symbol above his head, a green number three floating right above Russel's Mohawk.
Cardin had triggered the stepping stone event, something he'd taken to calling these instances, and he'd been confronted by his target.
A weedy looking boy, brown disheveled hair cascading over wire frame glasses. He held a large broadsword, six feet in length, it hung against his back.
For a reason that Cardin forgot, he had pissed the guy off, and now he was awaiting his consequences.
Unfortunately, that would take some time, it seemed the boy's semblance was more complicated than most.
The boy, let's name him Kloud rife for now, stood in front of a holographic screen.
"Alright assholes, prepare to pay!" Kloud looked over the options, he wished the gamer semblance would've been more intuitive, he muttered in frustration under his breath. "Just as soon as I can get the menu sorted."
Cardin, to his credit, was a good sport about it, telling his team to wait until Kloud made his first move. When questioned by Dove, he'd only said it was to test their opponent's capabilities. He'd take this moment where they were about to get trampled and turn it into a teaching moment, because that's what good leaders did.
And Cardin didn't spend nearly 20 years in Beacon academy to be called a bad leader.
"I'm level 3 because I'm easily the second strongest guy in the team, maybe we wouldn't be having this conversation if you just hit the weight room a little more!" Russel retorted against Sky and Dove, the two had ganged up on him for his raised skill level.
"A team is supposed to be strong together, so either share your steroids, or get kicked out of the team." Dove crossed his arms at Russel, who only scoffed
"What about Cardin, it says right there that he's level 27!" Russel pointed at his team leader, a similar floating number popped up above Cardin.
"Look at the size of him, Cardin probably eats a whole horse per day, it stands to reason our team leader is above all of us!" Dove then pointed at Kloud Rife, who had a level 77 above his head. Just then, the holographic screen changed, three options presented to him.
Spells
Abilities
Items
Kloud looked over his options, deciding a ranged spell would work, he made to select it, only for the screen to go back, erasing the progress of the last few minutes.
Cardin saw this, and sighed, he turned to his teammates. "Guys, go ahead and go to class, everybody's already leaving and the first period is gonna start soon."
"You got it boss!" Russel saluted, he walked off with the Dove and Sky.
"And make sure that you guys take some notes for me!" Cardin shouted after his team, still waiting for his impending beat down. Everybody had left now, it was just him and Kloud Rife in the mess hall. "Listen, I haven't had breakfast yet, think I can eat while I wait until you're done?"
"Sure!" Kloud shouted in a mocking tone, still trying to figure out the menu. "Just hope you won't throw it back up once I'm done with you!"
With this, Cardin sat down, and lifted a spoonful of cornflakes into his mouth.
Damn... his cereal was soggy.
It wasn't until 40 minutes later that the shout of "Firaga!" was heard through the halls of Beacon academy. It wasn't until another 25 minutes that class was let out, and Cardin's team found him face down on ground, covered in soot, groaning in pain.
At least he managed to finish his breakfast.
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Life 24 [CLASSIFIED]
He'd only been talking out of his ass!
Blow after blow landed on Cardin, his nose bleeding, his wrist broken.
This particular target was pretty hard to bait, and Cardin had honestly almost considered giving up. He'd seen the very faint crack in his armor, the way the guy had let himself be a little more relaxed around people like Jaune, Yang, and Pyrrha. People, that Cardin could surmise, were the closest things to friends the boy had at the time.
It was easy to get this guy, Kaiser's, attention after blackmailing Jaune again.
The problem with Kaiser was just that he was so off putting, to the point where Cardin had kind of forgotten what exactly he was going to say, he tried to make up a lie on the spot.
So he ended up accusing the boy of something so outlandish and insane that it would cause momentary uproar, sparking their encounter.
How was he supposed to know that Kaiser was a former spy, and a possible murderer?
None of that mattered now, as a phantom descended down him, only giving him a chance to breathe when he went to punch out Russel, Dove, or Sky, sometimes all at once.
It was all a blur that had Cardin kneeling on the floor, words left his mouth, he didn't even register what he said.
What he registered was the precise kick to the face, knocking him out as the boy anxiously ran away.
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Life #48 (I am the hope of the universe)
"Two minutes left in the match." Glynda Goodwitch announced to the two fighters on the stage.
Scratch that, a better way would be to say the lone fighter on the stage, as Cardin was the only one standing on the auditorium stage.
The other guy, was floating, not only that, he was raising his arm towards the sky!
"Professor, you don't actually expect me to fight him right?" Cardin pointed at the boy 30 feet in the air, he vertically jumped up a good two and a half feet. "I can't even reach him!"
"He deserves a fair shot in combat evaluation, afterall, Sun Wukong(no relation to Sun Wukong, the character owned by Rooster teeth productions, LLC) had to skip the entrance exams for enrolling late." Goodwitch explained.
"Then shouldn't he wait to enroll in the next term, you know, like everyone else who didn't enroll?" Cardin, frustrated, flung his mace at the floating boy, his orange and blue gi barely rippling at the hunk of steel heading towards him.
"Headmaster Ozpin had a very good reason for having Mr. Wukong(seriously, I'm talking about a different character inspired by the great sage equal to heaven) here with us today." Goodwitch looked up admirably at the boy, who despite having his planet blown up, manage to rise above it all.
"And why is that?" Cardin went to pick up his mace, then paced back towards his place at the end of the stage.
"He is the last of a dying race, Sun Wukong(somewhere on a boat, Sun Wukong owned by Rooster teeth productions LLC is stowing away to make a journey all the way to Vale, he couldn't afford the airship ticket.), is the last surviving Saiyan." Goodwitch finished.
"What the everliving FUCK, is a saiyan?!" Cardin buried his face in his hands.
"A warrior race who thrives on combat and bloodshed, you can tell he's a saiyan by their tail, not unlike a monkey's tail." Goodwitch lectured the combat class, ready to divulge more lore- I mean, information.
"Doesn't that just make him a faunus?" Cardin was blasted by the deafening silence, a pin dropping would've sounded like a car crash.
"What do you mean by that?" One voice floated through the chorus of arguments, all admonishing Cardin, another accusation cutting clear through the chaos. "You're a fucking racist!"
Cardin snapped at that, he shouted back to the crowd. "I can't be racist, my girlfriend is a fox faunus!" Sure, she wouldn't be his girlfriend for the next couple years, but Cardin could probably take credit for that, right?"
The cacophony seemed to grow exponentially, as if scorned by him bringing a woman into this.
"That doesn't mean you get to say shit like that!"
"You probably spend your nights alone with a body pillow!"
"You just want to fetishize faunus women!"
Cardin had had enough, so he turned back to Sun Wukong(yeah, this bit got old). "Alright man, just put me out of my misery so I can move on with my life!"
Sun Wukong only smirked, sharply descending his arms, acting like he had thrown something. "The spirit bomb takes more than 5 minutes, doesn't it?"
"The what?" Cardin barely had a moment to react as the ceiling of the auditorium collapsed, revealing a massive orb of blue light falling to the ground, it was aiming for Cardin. He raised his hands to do his best to stop the attack, his hands swallowed by the burning energy. It consumed Cardin whole, leaving him lying in a crater localized entirely within the arena.
"The spirit bomb only hurts those of pure evil." Sun Wukong declared, leaving the stage as everyone cheered for him.
Cardin's last thoughts were the fact that somehow, him being a bit of a dick sometimes now constituted being pure evil.
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Life #100(????)
Cardin searched between the rows of crowded tables, once again having trouble looking for this life's target.
He gave up, the guy was nowhere to be found, all he had was the nuclear option.
Not actual nuclear capabilities, but the very last option Cardin would resort to if he needed to find his target.
Could you tell he'd gone a little crazy in these past few decades?
Anyways, Cardin approached the sound of animated chatter, the table where team CFVY. He appeared right behind a pair of long soft brown ears, he hadn't done this in at least 20 lives, a testament to how good he was at his divine duty.
Like an animal, vaguely aware of their prey(ok, maybe that one was racist?), Velvet turned back to look up at Cardin. Eyes wide and brimming with a deep brown color, rich as chocolate, silently pleading that he do not do anything to harm her.
"I'm sorry little one." Cardin reached out, his hands firmly gripping the base of her ears, and pulled.
"Stop! Please!" Velvet begged, her head jerked to the side as Cardin pulled. Coco slammed her hands on the table ready to kick ass for this transgression, she stopped as she saw Carding hold a hand up to her.
"Give me a couple seconds, I'll get my ass kicked real quick." Cardin cringed as he Velvet let out a particularly surprised yelp.
"Hey!" A voice shouted from across the cafeteria.
Here we go.
Cardin geared up for the fight of his life, he had sell this for the most realistic beatdown ever brought to anyone.
"Hey yourself." Cardin responded, he turned to his target, an unremarkable looking guy. He was so unremarkable, the guy writing this story didn't bother to come up with a description for Cardin's target.
"Let her go!" The guy commanded as he stepped closer to Cardin, yet, he looked a little uncomfortable.
"Or what?" Cardin leaned forward, exposing his chin for the guy to take the bait.
He did, and the guy swung his fist at Cardin.
Cardin leaned back, responding with a straight punch, landing squarely in the guy's face. He couldn't make it too easy for him.
The guy flew back, he hit the floor with a thud. His hands clutched at his nose, blood staining through his fingers.
"Yo, he punched Guy!" Someone from the crowd shouted.
"Wait, so your actual name is Guy?" Cardin stalked forward, intending on continuing the fight. "What kind of parents name their kid-"
Guy, the guy who Cardin had punched, shouted through his broken nose. "What the fuck! Why'd you hit me!"
"I thought we wer-"
"I never even wanted to go to this school, I wanted to play basketball!" Guy shouted, he was lifted up by two classmates, they proceeded to walk him out of the cafeteria. "My stupid step-dad wanted me to be a huntsman, but fuck that, I'm dropping out!"
A pounding in Cardin's head started, he messed up, he needed to fix this!
"Wait!" Cardin made to follow Guy. But in all this confusion, he slipped on some spilled pudding that dropped during the scuffle. Cardin lay on the floor, a piece of paper lay before him, it was the photo he always kept in his breast pocket. It must've slipped out when he fell, Cardin reached out for it.
Gently unfolding it, his eyes narrowed.
It hadn't changed, the photo of Cardin and his wife was still there.
But how, this was my chance and I blew it!
This was the timelines choke point, if he played his part right, then his future was always guaranteed. But he had driven Guy out of his destiny, so shouldn't his wife not be in the photo.
A thought struck him, Cardin understood.
Cardin's final test, Guy's unremarkable appearance, how easy Guy went down.
Guy was never supposed to be the one to join RWBY, defeat Salem, bring world peace.
The gods wanted Cardin to defeat Salem!
Life #100(Defying Fate is a Cardinal Sin.)
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This was the palate cleanser I wanted to write after that last chapter of "from spy to huntsman." It also took me my average time between chapters. Side note: the little reference I stuck in there to my previous story is not canon to it, just a fun little nod to what got me to start writing.
No shade to anyone who actually writes these sort of flanderized self-insert original characters, reading them used to be my guilty pleasure. And I'm fairly sure I'm guilty of some of the tropes I highlighted here in this story.
Anyways, I'll probably get back to writing on my main story at some point, I just gotta focus on school these next few weeks.
As always, reviews are welcome.