Chapter 1: I'm Tired of Being Out Here on my Own:
Kali's Story:
Once upon a time, there was a queen who lived in a castle. She was evil and all she wanted was to be the fairest of them all.
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, aren't I the bestest-looking one of all," asks the Queen. If she didn't like what the mirror said, she got rid of it. She went through a lot of mirrors. "I've got to get me a real mirror."
"Is your talking mirror a smarty-pants? Does it nit-pick instead of nurture? Well, this mirror used to work for an ogre, and it knows firsthand it pays to be polite."
"You look much thinner with your new haircut. Did anyone ever tell you that you look amazing in plaid?"
"If you're looking for a mirror that sees the glass half full, call the number on your screen right now."
. . .
The Queen purchased the mirror.
"Okay. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairerest one of all," asks the Queen.
"Well... your Majesty, scientifically speaking... you are the fairest... in this room?"
"What did you say," asks the Queen.
"I said you're the fairest one..."
"Yes?"
"On this side of the castle wearing a crown."
"Huh?"
"You're most certainly the fairest one of all... in pigtails and a long fancy dress."
"All right, let me put it this way. Is there anybody in this kingdom that's fairerer than me?"
"All right, it's Snow White! Snow White's the fairest one of all with her neat, shiny hair, her white teeth and her beautiful smile."
The Queen then looks out the window, angrily.
. . .
Snow White was the Step-Sister of the Evil Queen. Snow White was kind and thoughtful and everyone liked her, which made the queen totally jealous. So, no one was ever allowed to hang with Snow White and she was forced to spend her days alone.
Snow White: The teeter-totter never totters with just one
Sharing doesn't mean much without two
I can play a leapfrog game, but it's just not the same
And when I want to hug, what do I do?
Some things don't make sense when it's just one
Duets and tugs of war are really tough
My jokes don't get a laugh, my teas for two are half
Together by myself it's not enough
The day seems so much longer with just one
Without the happy sounds of laughter
How I wish that I could see someone smiling back at me
And know we're living happily ever after
Sad it's only me, myself and I
Just once I'd like to say it's "we" or "us"
If I just had a chum, I'd have a lot more fun
And life would be much more... splendiferous
I wish upon a star most every night
That I won't have to feel so all alone
I need someone to hold my hand, to wipe my tears
To understand I'm tired of being out here on my own!
"That does it," says the Queen, "Servant!"
"Yes, my lady?"
"I want you to take that royal pain into the woods and..." The mirror screams. "Not you, nincompoop- Snow White!"
"Oh, Thank Goodness!"
"Excuse me," I said, "but we can't have death involved in a Rugrats story!"
"Are you kidding," asks the Queen, "we had God speaking to Tommy's character of Moses! Oh, for crying out loud. Well, then take her out in the woods and ditch her somewheres."
"That won't work either," I said.
"Look, you want to tell this story or not? I've got to get rid of her somehow."
"Okay... what about sending her on a babysitting job," I suggested.
"Servant, tell Snow White to pack her bags," says the Queen.
To Be Continued
It takes place after Rugrats' Second Children's Day. In the next chapter, Snow White packs her stuff.