"Did you notice, did you notice our friends are running late?
When they get here, will they see clear the seeds that we have sown?
And speak of how they've grown?

Bitter taste of time wasted, a tickle in your throat
Nothing new to note
All fetters are feathers that keep us in suspense
They break and then they mend

Should've known I gotta get this off my chest
I'm allowed to keep around this empty nest
Sit in a room right next to you

And now I wanna leave..."

28 years before the events of "Fidelity..."

Videxthrod rarely got angry, but today he found himself furious. His psionic knock at the door was halfway to being a mind blast, and the seconds it took for Freya to answer felt like an eternity. It was long enough for the dusky-skinned illithid to question whether it was a good idea to show up at Eldriss's domicile unannounced like this, particularly since he was in such a foul mood.

Videx had just come off his shift at the Ceremorphosis Unit, where he'd heard something rather disturbing from the pair of fellow Nourisher Creed members who'd come to take that tenday's batch of newborn illithids off his hands. The presence of all those fresh young minds, still uncorrupted by the cancer of illithid society, only made it sting that much worse when he learned what his own former protegé had been up to.

It had been twenty two years since Videx had brought Eldriss back from the brink of death and convinced his superiors that the young illithid should be allowed to join the next cohort as if they were a typical newborn who hadn't been held prisoner in a wizard's tower for the first month of their life. He'd stuck his neck out for them, and his gamble had paid off.

When Eldriss was taken to be educated by the Novice Division, as today's newborns had, Videx had tried to emotionally dissociate himself from the whole experience of caring for them. But something about the spindly creature with the sad eyes had gotten to him on a deeper level, and he found himself checking in with the youngster periodically to follow their progress. Eldriss had come to enjoy these visits too, though they weren't technically authorized by the Nourisher Creed, and Videx became something of a mentor to them as they matured.

Once it was time for Eldriss to choose an apprenticeship, Videx had been sure they'd want to go to the Nourisher Creed - and they did, for a brief period. In fact, Eldriss was even his own apprentice for a time, until they decided to drop out and transfer to the Loretaker Creed because they wanted to 'make their own way in the world.' Now that they'd come of age, they were a full member of the Loretakers, though a junior one.

Eldriss was an adult, Videx reminded himself. They could do what they wanted. But that didn't change the fact that Videx didn't approve of what they'd chosen to do with their newfound freedom as an independent citizen of Oryndoll.

Finally, the round porthole-like door slid open, and Videx was greeted by Freya, his own former thrall. The deep gnome's eyes widened as she took in Videx's expression, craning her neck to stare up at him since the top of her head barely reached to his waist.

"Don't worry, I'm not angry with you," he reassured her. "But I need to have words with your master."

"Oh, ma - sir, you work yourself up far too easily," Freya chided, hands on her hips. She'd allowed herself to fall back into old patterns now that she was assured Videx wasn't angry with her. "Master?" she called back into the domicile's shadowed hallway. "Videx is here to see you!"

Videx felt the sensation of a mental eye roll long before the figure of his former apprentice floated into the domicile's central room. Eldriss was shorter than Videx, but they saw eye-to-eye for a moment as Eldriss levitated and Videx stood flat on the ground. The younger illithid was wearing a set of navy blue robes adorned with the Qualith insignia of the Loretaker Creed, which rather suited their pale complexion.

"What's the matter?" they asked him. "I can feel you hovering over the place like a storm cloud, so just get on with it."

Eldriss sat down in a padded armchair, one leg crossed over the other in a falsely casual attitude betrayed by the restless movement of their tentacles.

"I heard quite an interesting bit of gossip at work today," Videx said tightly as he sat down in the other chair across from them. "Something about how there was a new contender in the dominance tournament circuit, oh but what a shame that they just lost their first thrall..."

The younger illithid's eyes narrowed and their tentacles went very still. "And what about it? Have you come to offer your condolences?"

" I'm just... surprised, is all," Videx tried to justify his dismay. "I never pegged you for someone who acts so callously with others' lives."

"Not that it's any of your business, but those thralls' lives were over the minute they were captured," Eldriss scoffed. "The ones I use in the arena aren't anything like Freya here." Still seated in their chair, they patted the deep gnome on the head as they spoke. She went up on her toes slightly, leaning into the touch - and yet, her mind was troubled as she tried and failed not to listen to the content of the conversation between her current and former master.

Despite reading Freya's mind, Videx was trying to be polite and stay mostly out of Eldriss's head. It was one thing to listen in on a thrall's thoughts, but quite another to look too deeply into the mind of a fellow illithid without permission. Still, he could sense that Eldriss was winding up for a lengthy explanation. Videx leaned back against the plush moss-stuffed cushion of the chair and made himself comfortable, ready to at least hear them out if nothing else.

" I've got it all figured out," Eldriss was saying. "My tournament strategy, I mean. Buy only thralls from the surface; the ones that look like good fighters but whose minds have been broken in the capture pens. They'll only ever be good for manual labor or ceremorphosis anyway. It's a win-win situation - a good discount for me at purchase, and they're not suffering since they're not really there anymore. Might as well make their lives mean something, right?"

Videx saw the logic of Eldriss's words, yet he couldn't help his emotional reaction. Couldn't help being disappointed by what Eldriss had become. Was this really the same young illithid who'd hesitated before their first kill, and had in fact been forced to pretend that the prey was their former tormentor in order to allow themselves to end a life?

"Even if they don't remember anything else, their bodies still know how to fight," Eldriss continued, gesturing with their two longest tentacles as they spoke. Most illithids had four facial tentacles of identical length, but Eldriss's had always been a bit uneven. " Even the harshest conditioning doesn't get rid of that muscle memory. And they'd only need to have memories or thoughts or a personality for an independent gladiator-style battle. I'm finding I prefer the dominance circuit anyway. That way, I can be the one calling the shots. It's a pretty good time, actually. Have you ever tried it?"

"Never felt the need to," Videx said stiffly. "Never watched a match, either."

Eldriss leaned forward, shooting Videx an incredulous look. "Not even remotely? What kind of rock have you been living under?"

"The rock of caring for my thralls, as you seem to be losing the ability to. I'm beginning to wonder if giving Freya to you was a mistake, since you've become so callous of late."

The thrall in question shifted on her feet, looking back and forth from one illithid to the other. Videx knew she wasn't being mistreated by Eldriss - a quick glance at her mind was enough to assure him of that much. The poor thing was busy mentally tying herself into knots about the prospect of being given back to Videx, and whether she'd enjoy being back with him or if she'd prefer to stay with Eldriss…

"You're dismissed, Freya," Eldriss said. "And don't worry. I have your papers now, and you're not being sold to anyone." Their attention turned back to Videx. "And me, callous? Take a good look at yourself,old man. Or better yet, take a look at Timora."

"Who?" Videx was taken by surprise. He had sensed the presence of another mind somewhere in the back of the domicile, but he hadn't paid it much attention. Had Eldriss gotten themselves a second personal thrall? They'd been of age and living independently for several years now, so it would be right about time to take that step…

"Timora, come out here, please," Eldriss said in a falsely-sweet tone that did nothing to hide the steeliness of the underlying command.

There was a long pause during which nothing happened, and then a young lizardfolk female shuffled into the room. Her emerald scales glistened in the faint light given off by a bioluminescent globe set onto a low table in the center of the room, but her eyes were fixed firmly downward as she made her slow passage across the room. When she'd made it over to Eldriss, she snuck a quick glance up at Videx, then hissed involuntarily as she caught sight of his face. "It's him, isn't it?" she whispered to her master. "I remember him… He was there." She nestled into their side, seeking comfort.

"It's all right," Eldriss reassured her as they used one clawed hand to scratch at the scales under her chin, at which the lizard-girl practically purred. "I was there too, remember? And we've already established that I'm safe. Don't worry, this one won't hurt you either." Turning back to Videx, Eldriss's expression changed from one of compassion to cold satisfaction. "I bet you're wondering what she's talking about, aren't you?"

Videx had the sinking feeling that he already knew where this was going. "You've narrowed it down quite a bit already. A lizardwoman, about twenty years old, same as yourself… Mention of a traumatic incident at which we were both present…" He sighed as he scanned Timora's thoughts for confirmation. "Indeed. Well, let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

"Again with that drivel?" Eldriss's tone had a biting edge to it that went beyond their usual lighthearted teasing. "What does that even mean?"

Videx massaged his forehead with one hand as he cursed the odd turns of phrase that slipped out of his mind when he least expected it. "A fragment of some old religious text favored by surface-dwellers. All I meant to say is, I'll admit I've made mistakes in my time - and it seems this was one of them."

"So you'll admit it, then," his former ward said smugly. "You always act so high and mighty, talking about humane feeding methods and thrall welfare - but yet you deprived this child of her family. You were the one who told the rest of my cohort that it was all right to eat her mother right in front of her."

"What can I say? They needed to eat, and I was rather preoccupied at the time." He gave Eldriss a hard look, reminding the younger illithid that their welfare had been the subject of his concern. "But I'll admit it," he sighed. "I knew it was wrong, and I allowed it to happen because I was more worried about you than a nameless lizardfolk child."

"That's right, rub it in some more," Eldriss muttered, dismissing the terrified Timora with a wave of their hand. She scurried away, lingering in the doorway for another moment as her desire to stay near her master warred with her fear of Videx. "But we've just established you're not as perfect as you think you are, so why are you judging how I spend my time? Do you think that, just because you helped me out one time, now you get to dictate what I do with my life as repayment?"

Videx drew back, hurt. He rose from his chair and began to pace back and forth along the polished stone floor of the domicile. "You think that'swhat this is? That I want some kind of leverage or control over you? I have no ulterior motives here. I merely want to guide you; to provide advice where I can. And right now my advice is to value the lives of your thralls, mindbroken or not, rather than throwing them away in the arena."

"I value my real thralls," Eldriss insisted. "The ones that I can actually talk to; that keep me company or do something useful. That one that died? His mind was mush. If anything, I did him a kindness. I showed him mercy, just like you always taught me to do - which is the opposite of everything I've heard from the rest of the colony." Their mental voice was dripping with sarcasm, but beneath the flippant attitude Videx could sense a deeper pain.

"What is this about, really?" Videx asked. "You've been wanting to say all this to me since before I got here. Why are you indulging in this pointless form of rebellion?"

There was a wordless surge of angry static on the other end of their connection before Eldriss composed themselves enough to speak further. "It's not rebellion, it's a recreational activity. Not everything is about you, you know. But… fine. I'll admit, some of the other Loretakers got me into it. I figured maybe if I win a few times, those bastards in the Creed will be forced to respect me." If Eldriss were human, they would be spitting out the words through gritted teeth.

Despite himself, Videx felt his emotions shift from anger to concern. Eldriss had problems in the past with other novices making fun of their shyness - which they'd since overcome - and of certain physical quirks like their pale skin and the uneven lengths of their tentacles. But Videx had thought that as an apprentice of the Loretaker Creed, they'd be beyond that now. He should have remembered, though, the pettiness of the average illithid…

"What's going on with the Loretakers?" he asked, more gently this time.

" None of those bastards will take me seriously!" Eldriss ranted. "I would have left already if not for the fact that it would only cement their perception of me as weak. I'd expect this from the Nourisher Creed, but it seems my reputation precedes me elsewhere. I bet it's Deosin. He's the one that always brags about that damn mission to the tower, making me look bad…"

"I just don't understand," Videx slumped heavily back into the chair. "Why would they judge you for something that occurred over two decades ago, and over which you had no control? Why does needing help to get out of a dangerous situation somehow make you weak? Every time I think I've plumbed the depths of illithid irrationality, it only descends further into madness."

"Careful there, old man. What makes you think I wouldn't report you to the vigileators? I've been listening to your deviant thoughts ever since I was a month old." Again, the line was something they might have once said in jest, only now there was a note of warning in their tone.

"You would never, and you know it." Twin pairs of glowing eyes locked onto one another as each illithid dared the other to back down. "Why are you being so unpleasant today? Are you trying to drive me away to remove more evidence of your imaginary shame?"

"If I'm being unpleasant, then I'll tell you what you are," Eldriss countered. "You sound pathetic and lonely. Why do you spend so much time and energy following me around, policing what I do with my spare time? You should get another thrall to keep you company. Haven't you been down to one for the past two years?"

"I'm still looking for the right one," Videx said defensively. "You know Fritz doesn't get along well with others." His surly old duergar thrall was a sweetheart toward illithids, but notoriously prickly with other humanoids. Freya had been the rare exception, and he'd given her to Eldriss as their first personal thrall to mark their coming of age.

Videx would never abandon Fritz or modify his mind heavily enough to make him a social butterfly, for fear of damaging the essential spark of his personality. But… sometimes he did feel rather limited by the knowledge that Fritz would have trouble getting along with almost any other thrall he chose.

Speaking of which, he wondered briefly why Eldriss hadn't done anything to help Timora with her fear of other illithids. Were they hesitant to break her if they delved too deeply, as Videx himself would be? Or did they have some other, darker motivations for their lack of interference with her anxiety? Videx had heard of some illithids, mostly members of the Creative or Abysmal Creeds, who deliberately induced phobias or other mental illnesses in their thralls, in order to either study them or relish in their suffering. But Eldriss would never do that, he assured himself. There was a world of difference between participating in a dominance tournament and torturing thralls for their own amusement.

Still, maybe Eldriss was right, in a way - Videx was lonely. He lamented the mental barrier that had grown like a wall of thorns between the two of them in the past decade. When Eldriss was younger, Videx had thought he'd found a kindred spirit; someone who shared his admittedly unusual values. He wondered if this change in Eldriss was their intrinsic illithid nature asserting itself, or the influence of thousands of others in the colony outweighing his own limited ability to guide them…

"I see how it is now," Videx said finally, telegraphing his resignation in the slumped curve of his back and the drooping of his tentacles. "If I can't dissuade you from this unpleasant new hobby of yours, then perhaps I'll just show myself out."

He felt his knees crack as he rose from the armchair. Eldriss liked to call him old, but perhaps he really was showing his age. At sixty-seven, he was only halfway through the expected lifespan for an illithid, but the twin stressors of his occupation as a manager of a ceremorphosis unit and constantly hiding his partialism and subversive thoughts had taken their toll.

As Videx turned to leave, he felt Eldriss's mind briefly reach out toward his own, as if in a subconscious attempt at reconciliation… But the younger illithid quickly realized what they were doing and withdrew before actually making contact.

"I'll see you around," Eldriss said instead. "Try not to get yourself arrested for thoughtcrime in the meantime."

Videx realized that was probably the closest to an apology he was going to get. As he bid Freya goodbye and levitated out the door, he sent back a brief parting message.

"I've managed this long already, but I suppose I'll do my best."

Author's Note: I've had this sitting around in my WIPs pile for ages, but decided to finally edit it and put it out there into the world :) It originally started as an attempt to bridge the gap between Eldriss as a child and an adult, and to explain how they originally got into what's basically the illithid equivalent of dogfighting, pitting thralls against one another in the arena.

To clarify - in a dominance tournament, the illithid competitors directly control the thralls like puppets, but in a regular gladiator battle, they watch the thralls fight independently (though still under more general orders to attack each other) for their own amusement.