Olivia closed the door to Noah's bedroom and exhaled heavily. She was still holding the pink plastic folder with Noah's adoption papers inside. He'd known for years that he was adopted, ever since Sheila came into their lives. Olivia had never intended to keep it from him, but Sheila's appearance had sped it up. He took it relatively well at the time, he didn't have excessive questions and the topic was seemingly forgotten.

That was until he went into the box of documents and decided to google his mom. She'd honestly never googled herself, so she didn't know what was out there, but she had a pretty good idea. It was 21st century version of cutting out clipping from the newspaper like her biological father had done.

So that's how she found herself after having told Noah the kid rated version of how he came to be, what happened to his biological parents – the details of Ellie's brutal death were something she withheld and the fact that Johnny D was a rapist was another part of the story she wasn't going to tell him. Olivia had been around the same age, when Serena had told her about her biological father while having a bottle of vodka and quite possibly not even recalling that the next morning.

Olivia thought she had handled it better than Serena had.

Noah had seemed to take it better than she had expected.

She conveniently didn't talk about William Lewis, she couldn't bring herself to do that, she could barely talk about it with Elliot and he was grown man, who worked in SVU. Noah was just a kid. She had made sure Noah didn't see any of her scars, she was always wearing crew neck shirts at home, gone were the V-necks and tank tops.

She exhaled while leaning against Noah's bedroom door, part relief, part anxiety for the next day and the day after that, when her sweet boy might get some more questions, when he might google her again and actually read the articles about her being on trial for murder, for excessive force, the false arrest and lawsuit in the middle of BLM protests… She couldn't even remember everything that made it to the papers from the time she was just a detective working beside Elliot. What if Noah was gonna google Elliot too? That would be another conversation.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been waiting in the hallway before she finally entered her bedroom and was greeted by a sight, that she'd hopefully never get tired of. Elliot was sitting on her bed reading a book, the blanket came up to his waist and exposed his bare muscular chest and full six pack he was proud of, he was wearing glasses which appeared to be a pair of hers – he must've forgotten his at his place or at the office. She didn't mind him using her reading glasses, she thought he looked quite cute with her red frames.

He closed her book without marking the page, which meant that he had no intention of picking it up again from her bedside table, but he needed something to distract himself with, while she was talking to Noah. He had offered to be there, but Olivia had naturally declined it, it was something she needed to do alone. Maybe she'd accepted the offer had Elliot been there for the early days of Noah's story – but this story belonged to Olivia alone, and now Noah.

"How'd it go?"

She exhaled, closed the door quietly behind her and moved into the room. Elliot lowered himself in the bed and held up the blanket expectedly, he waited until she dropped the pink folder he hadn't seen before on the bedside table, slouched down on her bed, and crawled under the covers without changing from her loungewear, but it wasn't the time to point it out.

She crawled to him, placed her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around his upper body. She exhaled against him, her hot breath hitting his bare skin. Elliot's arms had been waiting since she opened the door, and he didn't hesitate before wrapping them tight around her. He kissed the top of her head softly. She moved her left thigh around his left leg to fall in between his legs. He welcomed her and moved his right leg closer to hers so that their toes could touch and intertwine like their fingers did ever so often underneath the covers.

"It was fine. I gave him the kid appropriate version of Johnny D and Ellie Porter, about how I found him and then about the foster homes until judge Linden gave him to me," she explained briefly.

Elliot got the full SVU detective rated story from Olivia only a few nights before, it was after Noah first mentioned googling Olivia and made her blood pressure rise to dangerous heights with her anxiety hitting quite possibly all-time highs. On these nights even the comfort of Elliot's arms around her and his whispered assurances were not enough to ease her mind, she probably didn't even get much out from aggressively riding him that night, honestly he wasn't even sure if she reached an orgasm or got any real satisfaction from it. She had pushed all of his attempts to assist her away, she rejected every attempt he made to show her affection through gentle touches, she needed anger and aggression that night and that was something thing he wouldn't give to her. She was too wired and remained like that well into the next few days when she was chasing a wolf pack who brutally raped and murdered a young woman and raped her friend.

"Yeah? He took it well?"

He moved his palm soothing up and down on her back over the oversized sweater she was wearing.

"He seemed to be okay. He said that our story ends well, because we are together," she spoke with a small smile on her face.

Elliot kissed the top of her head. He must agree with the boy. Any story that would end with her head resting on his chest and Noah sleeping in the other room will end well in his book.

She shifted, she moved her palm to his neck and up to his cheek. She caressed him gently, still wired from the case, Noah's questions and reliving everything that happened with Lewis. She lifted her head and stretched out her upper body until she could press her lips softly against his.

"Thank you for being here," she whispered.

He chuckled. He hadn't told her that he was thinking about letting go of his place in Long Island City and getting a 3 bedroom apartment somewhere in Manhattan, so they'd have a spare room for Eli or his mama. This wasn't the time to overwhelm her with the prospect of moving in together, despite the fact that he rarely went back to his apartment these days and it was mostly to pick up clothes or transfer some of his kitchen appliances to her apartment.

"Not going anywhere, baby," he replied, he sealed it with another kiss.

Olivia's lips curled up at the sound of the affectionate nickname he had picked for her. She hoped he knew how it filled her chest with warmth and eased her anxiety just a little bit.

She lowered her head to rest on the crook of his neck. Her lips brushed against his skin and instead of pulling them away she pressed a lazy kiss against his neck on top of the scruff unshaven skin. Olivia closed her eyes.

"I didn't talk about Lewis. I pretended like I didn't remember him mentioning that name," she admitted.

Elliot felt her body tense. He stopped the movements his hand was doing and instead wrapped his arms tight around her middle. He craned his neck, wary of disturbing her and kissed her temple. He didn't know what to say, but he needed her to know that he was there. He wasn't around when she quite possibly would've needed him more than ever before and he might never forgive himself for that but was there now. He would kiss every scar that monster left on her body, he would try to heal every wound in her soul and he would take all of it away if only he could.

"I don't know how to talk to him about it," she admitted. "I don't even know what he knows, I never read any of the articles, I only saw bits from the news. I don't know how much is out there. The trial was closed, but I know every courthouse leaks. There was so much noise, I'd be surprised if nothing made it to the internet."

He completely enveloped her in his arms, pulled her as close as he could. He read somewhere that a tight hug helps the body to ease anxiety and turn off the fight or flight response, and at the same time send signals of safety through the body. He wanted more than anything to make her feel safe.

"I read some of them," he confessed.

"When?" Her voice wasn't soft, he could hear the fight response being awakened in her. No, he never googled her when he was in Italy, and he didn't do that when he got back to NY either. He googled her only after Noah had.

"Yesterday. I wanted to know what Noah might've seen, so you don't have to," he said. He pressed his lips into her hair again, hoping to soothe her. He knew her well enough to know she wouldn't want to google herself, neither of them knew what that might trigger. It was better for everyone if he was the one doing it.

"He said that he only saw what's on the first page," Olivia said, her body was still tense, but her voice was a little bit softer.

"It's mostly Lewis and the trial. And then your televised confession with articles about the debate if you used excessive force or if you are lying. There was an article of the shooting in the courthouse with Johnny D. An old one with Sealview came up. And then there was also a thousand articles of you saving a child or putting another rapist behind bars."

"There aren't a thousand articles on the first page," she said, and he knew she was rolling her eyes even without seeing them.

"You know what I mean."

She was quiet.

"They didn't say anything about you getting raped. There was more about you being abducted and the search for four days, about Lewis and some of his past crimes. It said you were sexually and physically assaulted, but there were no details and nothing from the trial made it. Most of the articles were only partially available online and some was for subscribers only," he said what he knew she wanted to know.

"How do I talk to Noah about it? Remember how long it took for me to tell you," she said with a sigh. She sounded defeated, like all the fight had left her tired body.

Elliot loosened his arms around her so he could start running his palm up and down on her side again, he went from her shoulder down to her hip and back up again over her curves, he could only hope it had the soothing effect he was going for. Olivia was mimicking his movements with her palm on his shoulder and her thumb moving circles against his weathered skin.

"How about I talk to Noah about it?" he suggested.

Olivia halted. She pushed herself up, her palm digging into his shoulder while she was looking at him like he'd lost his mind, he ignored the dull pain radiating from his shoulder, while he attempted to chase after her with his palms holding steady at her waist and stopping her from doing something silly like leaving his embrace. He felt so much better when she was at arm's length from him, but he felt the best when she was securely in his arms.

"You wanna talk to Noah about something you weren't here for?" she challenged him; she lifted her eyebrows and clicked her tongue, her hair fell down like a curtain over her face. Damn, she was beautiful.

"That's why I should talk to him about it. I wasn't here for you, but I would give anything to go back and be there through it all, and if he's like any other son, then he has this instinct to protect you. I can relate," he said while attempting to give her the puppy eyes to make her fall back into him, he wanted her back against his chest, he wanted to share the warmth his body radiated, he wanted to feel the weight of her against his chest. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to make her feel safe.

She relaxed a bit and allowed him to coax her back into him. She landed now mostly on top of him, her palms were on his shoulders helping her keep her head up and she slung her leg around him to fully climb on top of him. Elliot wrapped his arms around her waist again and thanked the god he believed in for bringing Olivia back to him, for having her lie on top of him with her belly against his, her soft tits pressed against his bare chest and her lips close enough for him to kiss her. If she would have asked him to surrender himself to her, he would've done it without any hesitation as long as she would stay with him.

"I can talk to her like a man to man and I think he'd appreciate it. I'd cover how a bad man took you for four days and assaulted you, but you were strong enough to break free. And I can assure him that I'll do anything to keep you safe now. Because you… You are everything," he said softly while exposing his vulnerabilities to her, she was his weakness and always would be.

She leaned down and kissed him, there was a lot more passion in this one than in any of the other quick kisses they had shared that night. Her palms found his cheeks, she framed his face as she poured her love for him into the kiss. Her hair fell on either side of his face, hiding them from the world. She opened her mouth to welcome his tongue and soon enough his hands had ventured from her back to underneath her sweater and his right hand had located her left tit with practiced ease. He was kneading her through the black cotton bra and the other was already moving on her back locating the clasp to get rid of the undergarment.

She pulled away and shook her head ever so slightly and stopped his movements.

"Elliot, don't. Not yet," she reprimanded without any anger in her voice, she sounded tired more than anything else.

Elliot backed down. He didn't unclasp her bra, but he kept his palm on her breast and his fingers continued kneading her gently, it was comforting. He brushed against the cigarette butt scars on the top of her breast, not covered by the bra, and later he would kiss her there. He would kiss the key on the inside of her thigh, the coat hanger on her belly and the knife on her left breast. He was counting her scars at night when the clothes came off and the dim reading light stayed on. He'd count them every night for the rest of his life.

"Okay," he agreed. They were trying to have a conversation about Noah and Lewis. There would be time to make her forget everything by giving her a few orgasms later, if that was what she needed. He hoped he could give her a release she had been after for the past days; he was keen to release all the good hormones her body had been lacking and get rid of all the anxiety and stress ones which had flooded her system.

He used his free hand to put some loose hair behind her ear, he cupped her cheek and allowed her to rest her head against his palm.

"Look, I get it, if you want to talk to Noah on your own and share only what you are comfortable with, but I'm giving you another option," he said seriously. "We'll agree on how much you want him to know and go from there. I'm not gonna say anything you don't want me to."

"I don't want him to know anything," she replied and took a deep breath.

"We're a bit past that, honey."

He smoothed her with his thumb over her cheek.

She tensed and then relaxed again, her back arched just a little and then she moved her palm to cover his fingers kneading her breast over her sweater. He stilled his movements underneath her clothes. He was silently waiting for further instructions – to stay, to pull back, to continue, to simply pause…

"This is good, but it's not the time for it," she spoke gently.

He could've apologized, but she'd known that he wasn't sorry, so he chose silence instead. It wasn't his intention to start lying to her now. She squeezed his fingers through the sweater, and his reaction was quite natural and identical, so he grabbed her left breast in his palm. Even through the bra, it didn't fit in his hand and he couldn't wait to take off the bra and feel it without the undergarment in the way. Her tits had always been irresistible, and he didn't have to restrain himself anymore.

"Ugh, Elliot," she reprimanded, she winced, but he was sure it wasn't because he had caused her pain or pleasure.

Yet again he could've apologized, but she would've known better, so he didn't. He could've used the excuse that it's entirely her fault for lying on top of her with her breasts so close and so inviting. After all he was just a man and he couldn't resist when a pair of perfect tits were right there in front of him, calling out to him. There was no doubt in his mind that she was fully aware of it. She had to be. They had spent enough nights together for her to be aware of his affection for her.

"Just trying to take care of you," he said sheepishly.

"Me or just my left breast?"

"Both. And your right one too, I don't discriminate," he said with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes.

He removed his hand from underneath her sweater and covered her hand still holding her left breast. "Here," he said. He took her hand in his for comfort, once he realized that it was probably something she needed more at that moment.

"I'm not sure if a simple conversation will be enough with Noah," she said and sighed. She rolled away from him and sat on the bed next to him, not allowing him to distract her further. He followed suit and sat up with his back leaning against the bedframe. His hand found her thigh to offer her some comfort without overwhelming her. "I know I had nightmares after, I've seen his face so many times in my dreams. I know I had them when Noah was little, Ed told me that much. And I know they continued after, I think sometimes I've screamed. I think he might put things together."

"Even more a reason for me to talk to him like a man to man."

"How's that?"

"You still have them sometimes."

Olivia's eyes shot wide. She hadn't realized that. It had been awhile since she woke up with the feeling of terror and cold sweat covering her body. It also had been quite some time since she had woken up alone.

"You haven't screamed, but you get all tense and start fighting invisible monsters, sometimes I hear you beg someone to stop. I presumed they'd be about Lewis, but you haven't said his name," he explained neutrally.

She covered his palm on her thigh with hers, while her mouth fell open and she looked at him with equal amounts of confusion and horror. He reached out and placed his other hand on her cheek, he offered her a small smile. "I didn't realize," she confessed.

Elliot shrugged.

"They don't last very long. You usually relax once I have my arms around you," he spoke causally. He itched to pull her into him like he did every time he woke up to her fighting demons in her sleep. Some nights he only needed to pull her against his chest, other times he also had to pepper her cheek and neck with soft kisses and whisper softly how he was there and she was safe. His voice seemed to work like magic these nights, but she didn't need to know that. Some night she'd woke up and curl herself further into him, other nights she kept sleeping. She had never said anything in the morning, Elliot chose to think that she simply didn't remember. He hoped he got her before the nightmares would too deep and she'd remember the feeling of terror, he hoped he stopped them from running their course, make them halt before Lewis got too close – he hoped he could do to the night terrors what he wished he could've done a decade earlier when she was living the nightmare.

"Thank you."

She sounded a lot smaller than usual.

"Come here."

It was all it took for Olivia to fall back against his bare chest – like she needed an invitation to do that. He hugged her tight, his lips pressed against her head and his arms snuck around her, his strong biceps and forearms nearly crushing her when he pulled her close.

"You know, when I was chasing the wolfpack I couldn't help but think how Noah is a child of a wolf, his biological father was one of the worst," she spoke quietly.

"He isn't anymore," he replied. He moved his arm lower around her lower waist, just above the curve of her hips, then took hold of her left thigh and coaxed it to the other side of him, so she was straddling him. "Neither are you." He kissed her cheek. Olivia groaned.

Elliot pushed her hair out of his way while he kissed her cheek and then her neck. His hold around her waist remained tight, their chests pressed together with no air in between. "Tell me what you need, let me take care of you," he whispered into her skin. Before she could reply he captured her lips in a soft and slow kiss.

"Just be here with me, El," she requested in a whisper, when his lips moved to her other cheek. He dug his fingers into her back, and made a noise at the back of his throat, the only sign he had heard her.

"I'm right here, baby," he whispered against the tender skin of her neck. He loosened his hold of her, his fingers moved upwards cradling the back of her head and guiding her head to the side to expose more of her skin. He was lavishing her skin like he was a hungry animal and she was his feast, his tongue was swirling and lapping, his lips were alternating between dropping kisses and tracing her skin. "What do you need from me? I'll give you anything," he whispered in her ear and then nibbled on her earlobe. His other hand snuck lower to caress her bottom, there was no need to hold her against him, she was doing that herself with her arms still firmly locked around his neck. "Do you want a cuddle or do you want my mouth on you or my fingers or do you want me to make love to you?" he asked seductively, giving her options. His tongue traced the skin behind her ear, she moaned just like he hoped.

"Yes."

Elliot smiled approvingly. He was gonna make damn sure she was gonna be relaxed and de-stressed by the time he was finished with her. He was also loving the shift in the energy – for the past days their lovemaking had been fast and furious, there was so much anger and excess energy and impatience in it, which he didn't mind and some days he craved it just the same, but he preferred to take his time with her so much more. He loved the nights when he completely wore her out and at the end of the night, she was just a puddy in his arms. She'd fall into him – her head somewhere on his chest, her arms pretending to hold onto him, her body halfway on top of his and she'd whisper into the night that she loved him. These were the times he knew he'd done his job well, it was his golden standard.

His fingers found the hem of her sweater and pulled it over her head, he tossed that away without any care of where it would land.

"Do you wanna be on top?" he asked. She had wanted that a few nights ago, but last night she was happy to get down on her back and demand him to move faster until he reached an almost unforgivable pace, their skin making slapping noises while he tried to give her what she needed, yet she kept demanding he'd go faster and harder. He didn't oblige to that, there was a line of how much force he would use and he refused to cross that – he didn't want to leave her skin red and bruised the following day. Nevertheless, he knew she'd feel it the next day.

"No."

"Good," he said. He gently flipped them over and moved to get rid of her clothes so he could bury his head in between her legs and make her forget.

***SVU***

There was a quiet knock on the door followed by a voice barely above a whisper calling for her.

"Mom."

Olivia opened one eye to look at her sweet boy standing by the doorway. She did a quick mental check to make sure she and Elliot were decent enough – she had Elliot's t-shirt on and a pair of long pajama pants, while Elliot had pulled on a clean pair of sweatpants.

"Is something wrong, honey?" she whispered.

Olivia tried to push herself up, but found herself anchored to the bed by Elliot's arm firmly around her waist and his fingers curled around her side between her and the mattress. His body was heavy against her back, there wasn't even a spare millimeter between them. Yeah, she couldn't go anywhere unless Elliot let her.

Noah shook his head.

"Do you wanna sleep in my bed with me and Elliot?" she asked, her mind half-awake. She would do whatever Noah needed – reminding her of the way Elliot was fulfilling her every need just a few hours earlier – yet she was hoping she wouldn't have to get up, because Elliot's body around her felt too damn good and she didn't want to leave the sanctuary he had unknowingly created for her.

Noah nodded.

"Come here," she said and held the blanket up for him to climb in, the same way Elliot had done for her.

Noah climbed into the bed and rested against her chest. She wrapped her arm around her boy, her lips found his curls and pressed a kiss into them.

Elliot stirred slightly behind her, he tightened his hold around her and attempted to pull her closer while his lips found the back of her head and dropped a small kiss into her hair. Something in him shifted and he loosened the hold he had around her, his hand went searching and found Noah. He didn't freeze, nor did he freak out, it didn't even look like he had properly woken up.

His palm landed on Noah's back, covering her fingers with his. His thumb soothed over hers and then he was back asleep, his breath hot against her shoulder, his lips against her t-shirt covered upper back and their legs intertwined underneath the covers.

And that's when Olivia realized that she didn't need to worry about Noah. Maybe once upon a time he was a child of a wolf – maybe she had been one too – but they weren't that anymore. They hadn't been since they found each other. And they definitely weren't that with the protective presence of Elliot Stabler in their lives with his big loud family and Noah finally had a chance to get to know the man, who meant the most to his mom. The same man who would go to hell and back for either of the Bensons.