The rain and wind were beginning to draw in as the castle slept. They were now nothing but gentle trickles, dancing across the window panes which decorated the room sat at the top of the tallest tower. It was almost four in the morning as the sun found itself slowly rising towards the sky once more. The entire landscape was covered in a deep pink and orangey hue as the birds began to tweet to each other once again. It was almost like the entire forest had resurrected - every form of life was signalling to each other that they had survived, in their own unique way. The storm had finally come to an end, and the entire world had fallen silent.
Somewhere within this scene of serendipity, Constance Hardbroom was slumped over the arm of a chair she was curled up in, across from her own bed in the corner of her room. Her hair was trickled down over the side and onto the floor, and her arms were folded over each other as she slept. She had fallen unconscious here some time ago. She was, of course, unaware that she had, for she had intended to watch Mildred until she awoke. Constance, however, was utterly exhausted as soft snores started to escape her body.
Mildred, meanwhile, had been awake for some time now, watching the world go by. She was completely silent, not daring to breathe or turn over in case it woke the woman opposite her. She simply lay there on her side, facing Miss Hardbroom, with the covers still tucked around her small frame and under her chin. She stared softly out of the nearest window with heavy eyes, not feeling entirely real as she saw the view unfold in front of her - as she saw the life unfold in front of her. She didn't know how she'd arrived in the deputy head's bedroom, for the last thing she remembered was being stuck in that awful lake, but now she was here, and she felt completely at peace.
She watched as two swallows danced around each other from outside of the window. The sunlight was beaming behind them, creating shadow copies of the birds on top of the duvet she lay under. Mildred thought they looked so beautiful - so in love. The earth was finally stood still, and it felt as if everything was beginning again. Everything was coming back to life, and she was grateful that she had lived, that someone had allowed her to live, to see another day.
With that thought, Mildred needed nothing more than to talk with one certain person.
She sat up from her horizontal position, immediately feeling the cold as the covers fell from her shoulders. She was wrapped in Constance's purple dressing gown that had almost drowned her for it was so big. She felt entirely out of place. She then swung her legs out from underneath her to position them over the side of the bed as her feet came into contact with the cold floor. Shaking inside her new-found pyjamas, she crept closer to Miss Hardbroom, one foot in front of the over, careful not to stumble.
'Miss Hardbroom' she whispered tenderly as she crouched down to sit at the bottom of her chair. She spoke ever so softly that it was barely audible.
The woman was fast asleep and had not heard her.
'Miss Hardbroom...' Mildred trailed off, gently placing her hand on her teachers arm, trying to ease her awake without scaring her.
As a result of the skin to skin contact on her arm, Constance eventually started to stir, groggy and confused.
'Mmhm...oh, OH! Oh my God, Mildred' she stammered in a croaky voice. 'I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep, I should have made sure you were okay and-'
Before Constance could say anything else, she was completely enveloped in the arms of the child stood in front of her.
'You-you saved me miss. You saved my life when I didn't think anyone would've' Mildred whispered into her ear, her arms clasped tightly around her teacher's neck.
Constance was unable to do anything other than cradle Mildred back. She pulled her further upwards to sit half on her lap and half on the chair. She started to rock her side to side as she held her close, feeling overly emotional that the girl was still here with her when she almost wouldn't have been.
'Of course I would have. I couldn't bare to have lost you. Please never do that to me again, please just talk to me next time' she replied, absolutely exhausted. She wasn't trying to lecture the girl, she just wanted her to understand how much she cared and how much something like this had affected her too.
The two of them sat there for some time, just relieved to be in each other's presence, before Mildred finally stared the conversation that they should have had all the way back in September.
'I want you to know but I also don't want to tell you' Mildred stated, simply.
'I want to know too, Mildred. You can cry. You can yell. You can let yourself feel angry or down. There's no need to sell this ideal image of yourself to me. You're human, Mildred, and you've been through something utterly awful. You will feel the motions and emotions of life more than ever now, and that's okay. It's okay to ask for my help.' Constance reassured her, staring deeply into the girl's hazel eyes as she pushed her backwards slightly to talk to her.
'I'd always choose to suffer in silence rather than tell someone how I feel though. I don't deserve your help, Miss Hardbroom. I don't deserve anything,' the girl replied. She was unsure if she should allow herself to heal, for she had been a rotten person recently.
'I know you believe that, but it's not true - I promise. Everything that you're feeling - well - it's a very difficult thing to get yourself out of, but it's more important to value your own life as a person and allow yourself to move forwards. Please believe me, Mildred. Your life matters, not only to yourself but also to others around you.'
'Even to you?'
'Especially to me, Mildred.'
The pair sat in silence for a few more moments as Mildred attempted to gather her thoughts. She wanted to accept the help from Miss Hardbroom, for the woman had risked her own life to save hers, so she owed her that much. On the other hand, Mildred found herself unsure of where to begin, for retelling the story was almost as bad as reliving it. After a while longer, she finally spoke again.
'Oh, but Miss Hardbroom - I've ruined everything by saying it out loud.' Mildred whispered.
'What makes you think that?'
'I'm just so scared. Now I've told someone, it doesn't really feel better. It just feels all the more real. It's like I'm remembering it all, like it's happening all over again'.
'You remember too much, Mildred. Why would you want to hold onto all that?'
'Because I don't know where to put it all down'.
Constance heart broke a little more with each sentence as she processed what the girl was saying. She was so angry at herself for being so ignorant. She had failed to piece together the factors which were obviously signs of long-term abuse. She should have realised from the first time she laid eyes on Mildred and saw the shadows strewn across her face. She should have realised when the girl withdrew from her lessons, or when she had a meltdown because Constance had merely touched her arm. She should have especially noticed once she'd been made aware of the child's broken ribs all those weeks ago, but she had done nothing apart from ignore the girl. She had ignored her for weeks on end, too caught up in her own emotions to see the emotions of the child laid out right in front of her.
'I have failed you' Miss Hardbroom stated. She was calm and spoke evenly, almost with no emotion as the words escaped her mouth. Mildred's form tutor couldn't say anything else, but her eyes conveyed everything she wanted to say. They pleaded with her own, desperate for her to understand what she was feeling, and how sorry she truly was.
'No, you haven't. I wish someone was able to understand, how I felt. What I thought about in-
'
'In the evenings sometimes?' Constance interrupted.
'Yes! How? - I mean, you know how it feels?'
'I know how it feels to sit on the edge of your bed, head in your hands, wishing it would all just end'.
Mildred's mouth fell agape as she realised what her form tutor had just said, and Constance noticed immediately. She had never told anyone her story, aside from Miss Cackle, but she knew Mildred should hear it right now. After everything, Mildred deserved to hear it right now. It would be painful for her to recall, but if it would help Mildred, she would retell it every single second until her dying day.
'When I was your age, perhaps a little older, I also experienced abuse at the hands of someone who should have been there to protect me.'
Constance looked up quickly to glance at Mildred one last time before she delved into a long and delicate speech. The child was sat patiently, an unreadable emotion crossing her face before she held out her own hand to place on top of Constance's. They looked at each other for a little while until Constance held hers back, took a deep breath and then continued.
'I left Amulets Academy having done exceeding well in all my exams, going beyond everyone's expectations. I started at Witch Training College where I thought my life would start to work out for me. I was so excited to go out there and make a real difference in this world. I thought it would be the making of me, and it was for a few months until everything started to go downhill.' Constance explained.
'After a few months, the leader of the college sent me a letter, explaining that I was going to be given extra tuition after coming top of the class for several weeks. I was one of the most talented there, and the college delegated extra lessons and support sessions for pupils like me. They had hopes that I would go on to peruse a career within the Witches Council and ultimately provide them with some good connections. My personal tutor was Mistress Broomhead'.
Mildred gasped as she put two and two together.
'Her! The horrible woman from Ofwitch? But Miss Hardbroom, she was awful!' Mildred cried.
'She wasn't awful, Mildred - she was evil' Constance responded, shivering slightly as she said her tutors name. This was clearly difficult for her, as Mildred held her hand even tighter for reassurance.
'I admired her at first. She was the epitome of everything I wanted to be - intelligent, disciplined - all the stuff that you girls like to roll your eyes at. But she was incredibly cold, it wasn't human - there was always this underlying evil that only I could seem to see within her. I think she knew that I was wary of her, and she didn't like that 'defamation of character'. She quickly became controlling of every element in my life as she waded her way into everything I did. She forced me away from the few friends that I had made, cutting me off from the outside world.'
'What about your family?' Mildred interrupted. She hadn't meant to pry, but from her own experience of family, she was desperate to know where HB's came into this too.
'My family never needed me, Mildred. I was almost like a side piece to them. My mother died after I was born and my father resented me for it. He couldn't stand to look at me and he took up substance abuse to get away from the reality I had created for him. I never had a proper family, and by the time I arrived at Amulets, I never saw any of them again...' Miss Hardbroom trailed off slowly, lost in thought.
'Eventually, what was total control eventually slid into abuse. The line between the two was very fine, and I was too insecure to make a stand for myself. Mistress Broomhead scared me so much that my abilities suffered because of it. I began to mess up simple spells and received awful punishments for doing so. I was locked in dark rooms for hours at a time and was often forced to find a way out of them without using my magic. She always knew if I tried to, and she punished me harder and harder every time she found out. I was just scared, I never meant to defy her but I was so scared that something awful would happen to me so I did.' Constance explained, for some reason trying to justify herself.
'By my final year, things had reached their worst point. She would hit me or kick me to the ground whenever I lost my temper with her. I faced months of physical abuse and manipulation. She would blackmail me, threaten to humiliate me and all in all, made sure I had entirely lost myself. I was miserable, Mildred. I was horribly depressed and I had also turned to unproductive coping methods just to feel something, as I know you're also familiar with by now'.
Mildred could do nothing but silently cry as she watched Miss Hardbroom's fragile form in front of her. The woman was crumbling in front of her and she could see the absolute agony in her face as she looked down at their intertwined hands and continued to retell the story.
'On the day of my graduation, I remember going onto the stage and shaking Mistress Broomhead's hand. I couldn't even look at her. I trembled the entire time. Despite it being my last day, I'd already accepted that this was not the end for me. I knew that I wouldn't be free from her as my tutor had already made prior arrangements to keep me as close as possible. She was always like that - scarily obsessed with me and my talents. I think she wanted me as more than a student - I think she wanted me to do things to her, that no young girl should be forced into doing. Anyway, she had spoken to some of the leading figures within the college and had requested that I continue on as her personal apprentice. I don't know if you know what that means, Mildred, but essentially it means that a witch has to completely submit themselves in order to become a qualified apprentice. I would have needed to live with her, almost become like a slave to her, and she would probably have abused me until my dying day. I had almost accepted that I wouldn't live to an old age and that this awful cycle was going to be my reality forever until my body completely gave in on itself.'
Constance took another deep breath as she stared at Mildred. It was breaking her heart to see this upset the girl so much, for she never realised how much Mildred must care for her. She knew it would help her though, in knowing that she was not alone. In knowing that if something like this could happen to her indestructible Miss Hardbroom, it could happen to everyone, meaning that it was not her fault at all.
'Then, during the graduation celebration which occurred just after the ceremony, someone came into my life at the perfect time, and they completely saved me. I had tried to sneak out of the room and upstairs, probably to cry in a corner or something of the sort, before an older woman with kind eyes reached out her arm to stop me. It was Amelia Cackle' Constance paused, a sad smile crossing her lips.
'She saved my life. She saw how unhappy I must have been so she offered me a placement at her school- this school. She was due to take over from her grandmother and she had come to the graduation to seek out any potential new candidates, with it being such a prestigious school. Something about being sick of the same old faces, probably referring to Miss Bat' Constance laughed, reminiscing fondly of her first meeting with Amelia.
'She immediately took me under her wing. She saw me laugh, she saw me cry and she also saw me struggle tremendously while trying to adjust to life beyond my abuse. It was an incredibly difficult few years, but eventually I found myself again. I grew into someone that I could only have dreamed of during my college years, and I realised that there was hope for the future, and I would stick around to see it. I vowed to protect every child who enrolled here and I've never looked back since.' Constance expressed proudly.
'Now, as all these years have passed me by, I found that when I saw Mistress Broomhead again during your second and third year, I wasn't as scared of her anymore. I woke up one day, I ate my breakfast, prepared my for my classes and went about my business, and sooner or later, I realised I hadn't thought about it. None of it'.
Miss Hardbroom came to the end of her story, and stroked her own fingers across the top of Mildred's. The child had been listening to her intently, but now she looked rather lost in thought, unable to figure out what to say next.
'I wish I was capable of believing that could be the case for me too, but I can't. I don't know what it's like to not have deep emotions. Even when I feel nothing, I feel it completely'. Mildred croaked, in absolute pieces because of what Constance had just confided in her. She wanted to make her proud but she wasn't sure that she would be able to live again.
'That's because when you're born into a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire, but it's not, Mildred, I promise it's not.'
'But I just want to be myself again. I want to be six. I want to stop knowing everything I know now'.
'You haven't lost who you are, you're just different now and that's okay', Constance replied before lifting Mildred up from their seated position and carrying her back over to the bed.
'Come on now, please go back to bed, Mildred. We are both exhausted and I promise we can continue this conversation in the morning when we are both well rested. Or any other morning after that, for as long as you shall need. I want you to feel like you can tell me everything that has happened, and is happening to you, but I don't want to rush you, so for now, please sleep. You need it and you're safe here with me' Constance suggested.
She then placed a soft kiss on Mildred's temple before lying down on the bed next to her.
Mildred nodded slowly, her eyes welling up with more tears as she thought about how tender Miss Hardbroom was being towards her.
'Why are you being so lovely to me?' She questioned, unable to stop herself but also too tired to worry about the consequences. Miss Hardbroom only smiled to herself as she knew what she was going to say next. It had perhaps been the easiest explanation of the night yet.
'I know you think I've spent the last four years hating you, Mildred, but I haven't. I haven't at all. From the very moment I laid eyes on you, all the way back in your first year, the only thing I saw was a scared and vulnerable little girl who desperately needed some strong guidance. I guess I thought that being extra harsh on you was the only way to save you, for now you know, that was the only way I was taught. I saw a child who wore their emotions on their sleeve and did things without thinking. A child that would inevitably get hurt. I saw myself reflected in some sort of younger mirror image, right in front of me, and I felt extremely protective over you for I feared that you would come to meet the same fate as me. And I was right. I was always right and I should have trusted my instincts a little more, for I was never intending to be cruel, I just went about it in all the wrong ways and pushed you further and further away in the process. Yes, you are extremely irritating, but you are also extremely lovely and you didn't deserve any of this. I can only say how sorry I am for being so mean'.
Miss Hardbroom then let go of Mildred's hand as she tucked the girl back into bed before climbing under the covers too. Mildred's eyes began to close as she nodded slowly, exhaustion taking over her body. She said only one more thing before she fell into another deep sleep, which left Miss Hardbroom speechless, staring at her in disbelief:
'I didn't think you were ever truly mean. You've always had sad eyes'.