Ahsoka's Private Journal - 5/9/3632 ATC

"Well, the Geonosis campaign is wrapping up. I heard Skyguy and Master Obi-Wan managed to rescue Master Luminara from Poggle the Lesser, as well as some big ugly bug-queen. Can't believe I missed out on that, although I think Barriss is glad she did. Something about not wanting to see her master so humiliated by the bugs.

"The two of us were rewarded with a little downtime because we blew up the main droid factory. That was really intense! We lost the explosives and were trapped in a tank we used to blow up the main reactor, Barriss was sure we were gonna die. I… knew that Skyguy would try to find us. So long as I was able to contact him. Which I did. Dunno if I'll ever admit it, but learning how to disassemble a holocom was actually pretty helpful.

"But then Wraith crawled out of the factory ruins.

"I thought it was all over and done. But then I saw him. I've… I've never seen anyone, not even him… No one should've been able to survive that. He looked far worse than when I found him on Ryloth. What's worse is how much of his emotions I could sense. He was angry… no. He was enraged. But also upset and… hurt. He was in so much pain but he kept trying… trying to survive, trying to fight… but his body couldn't keep up. He was full of debris, his armor cracked, even his helmet looked half gone. And he was covered with blood.

"But the sense of… failure I sensed within him… just the loss of all confidence and hope… I-I know how it felt. Because it's how I felt. And then it hit me…

"It was my idea to use the tank. I destroyed the factory. I did this to him.

"I-I never have a problem destroying tinnies because they don't feel anything. The only organic seps we find are the commanders who get taken prisoner. But to see a soldier, super or not, so hurt and suffering from so much pain both physical and emotional… and then to know I caused it… I-I don't want to hurt anybody! I want to help people! I'm trying to help people by winning this war! But I keep hurting people, I keep getting people killed… I can't do anything right!"

…

"Every time I take a hydroshower… I wish it could wash away these feelings along with all the dirt. I just feel so miserable all the time. No matter where I look there's… always another reminder of how badly I've kriffed up."

…

"I know Wraith's the enemy. I know he's a sep. But how am I supposed to feel victorious and accomplished if my actions caused him to feel pain…?"

…

"Would I still be feeling like this if he was dead? Buried somewhere in the wreckage and I never knew about it? Would I feel so bad?"

…

"Yeah… probably. Because then I'd just have to look at all the Clones who died drawing their attention away from us. Maybe some of them would still be alive if I had moved a little faster, hesitated less… acted sooner..."

…

…

"I wish I was dead instead. Then I wouldn't have to feel like this any more."

End of Entry