Harness your blame, walk through

With the wild wolves around you

In the morning, I'll call you

Send it farther on

Bon Iver - Act I and II

April 10, 2005

Bella slid into the front seat of the cruiser and immediately changed the radio station to one that played music rather than sports recaps. Charlie didn't mind, he barely even noticed. He was just ecstatic that Bella agreed to spend the day on the reservation with him, a decision made after the morning slipped by with a heavy promise of rain and the sun was safely tucked away behind dense grey cloud cover.

It was pure luck she got to live here. She wondered what life would've been like if Charlie lived someplace like Florida, where the sun was an omnipresent figure in the sky. Would she have hidden in her room until he kicked her out, would she have had to fake her death? What might have been was irrelevant, because she also couldn't imagine Charlie anywhere else. She hated Forks and demanded their summers be spent elsewhere, but even the memories of Charlie in California seemed blurry and mismatched, as if he was an alien supplanted from another universe into the cheery background of Santa Barbara.

This was where Charlie belonged. He whistled tunelessly and tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. The leather seats smelled of pine and aftershave and the very distant memory of cigarettes, probably from the person who held the helm of Chief of Police before Charlie. Bella leaned back in her seat, letting her sweater swallow her. This was where he was meant to be, but after four months she couldn't imagine her mom in Forks. The woman who basked in the sun and sometimes didn't even want to turn the air conditioning on in the summer because she enjoyed the heat, her best friend with the permanent sunburn on her nose and fleeting engagements with tangible cultural enrichments once lived in a rainy village at the corner of the world? It was a wonder they stayed married as long as they did. Young marriage like that never worked out, especially when they were so different.

Bella's mood darkened with the sky as she realised she was in the same kind of situation. Not that Edward was proposing, or that a baby could ever be involved. She had never really wanted kids, especially after her own childhood was spent raising her mother. But the possibility was stolen from her, was she in turn stealing it from him?

Charlie pulled into the small house, reminding her she spent plenty of afternoons playing in the mud by the front porch as a toddler. Bella nodded along, but had no recollection of any of it. Nothing even looked faintly familiar, lost to human memories that blurred and faded into oblivion.

Jacob bounded out to greet them and broke out into a huge grin when he realised Bella was walking beside Charlie. She commented that he had grown, even in the few weeks since she had last seen him. Jacob's smile grew exponentially wider, and his shoulders seemed to straighten with pride. But she was right, and she noted the acute changes- a few inches, several pounds of muscle, a sharpening of the angles of his face that hadn't been there before. It looked almost like he had aged years, moved into adulthood, but he was barely sixteen.

"What are they feeding you down here?" she laughed, following them up the stairs to the house.

"If stories are to be believed, Harry's fish fry. Today, at least."

"Very nice," Charlie said, clapping his hands together.

There were some people behind the house, where a barbecue was set up, but it was the one person in the house that all attention turned to focus on. Bella heard the creak of the floor and glanced over to the back of the house where a wheelchair was being propelled forward. Charlie told her that Billy lost the ability to walk due to nerve damage from diabetes, but she had no memory of the man. He looked a lot like Jacob- same tan skin, long dark hair, wide mouth. Charlie turned around, moving to the side to re-introduce Bella to his best friend, and she was prepared. Her pockets were stuffed with hand warmers, she had several extra pairs of contacts in the case the afternoon wore on longer than she thought it would. She held her hand out while thanking Billy for the care he had taken of her truck, her most prized possession.

His eyes widened, and both hands gripped at the armrests of his wheelchair. After a few seconds it became obvious he wouldn't shake, and Bella dropped her hand to her side. The entire room seemed frozen, with Charlie and Jacob baffled by Billy's behaviour and Bella trying to scrutinise every beat of his flying heart for some biological cause.

"Dad," Jacob grimaced, nudging his shoulder. It seemed to at least momentarily snap Billy from whatever spell that grabbed hold of him, because he simply whipped his chair around and wheeled back to the kitchen. Jacob dogged after him, harshly whispering reminders that it was him who taught Jacob not to be rude to people who looked different. Billy simply shook his head and quietly said, "You have never listened to the stories of your people."

"What the hell, Dad. What stories?" Jacob groaned, but Harry had come in through the back door with a plate of grilled hot dogs.

"What's going on?" Harry asked jovially. "Charlie here yet?"

"Oh yes, he's here," Billy said. "Bella's with him."

"Great!" Harry exclaimed, but then a disquiet blanketed the room. The awkwardness permeated and Jacob grumbled that he was going to leave. He pushed open the door and let it slam shut behind him, huffing into the living room where Bella and Charlie were waiting.

Bella felt as lost as Charlie looked, and she could feel both him and Jacob staring at her. She stuffed her hands into the pocket of her coat and tried to look at something, anything, other than their curious faces. But unlike them, she couldn't help but overhear everything. And nothing, because neither Billy nor Harry spoke a word until Billy very quietly said, "We might need to call Sam."

"What? What for?" Harry asked. He had been assembling the hot dogs and plating up the fish fry, but his movements stilled with the seriousness of Billy's request. Bella waited with bated breath, completely unaware of what could possibly be happening.

"For Bella."

"For Bella what? He's got Emily, Billy, I don't think Sam's lookin for a girlfriend," Harry laughed, but it fell flat at the grim expression his friend had.

"He might be the only one to take care of her."

"Oh no," Harry gasped.

"Oh no, what?" a woman's voice called. She pushed open the screen from the back and held out a tray for Harry to take. "If you're disappointed that Leah's not coming, you should've known better. She hasn't left her room since her and Sam broke up, she isn't going to come out for some fish and baseball."

Another boy burst in through the front door, his face still round and flush in adolescence and dark hair wild and long. "Ugh, it started raining!" the boy groaned before jumping over the couch to slam down on it dramatically. Then his head popped up and his eyes widened as he saw Bella.

"That's Seth," Jacob introduced. "He has no manners."

"Seems to be common around here," Charlie mumbled.

"It's nice to meet you, Seth. I'm Bella," she said warmly, though she decided against offering her hand again. She didn't think it was against some kind of Quileute cultural practice, but it would be her luck to offend everyone her Dad considered family.

"Woah. Very nice to meet you, too," Seth exclaimed, but then he blinked and the smile that seemed to be permanently etched on his face returned. "Anyone know when dinner's ready, or what? I'm starving."

"Me too," Jacob agreed, eyeing the door to the kitchen. Before anyone else could complain, though, the door swung back open and Sue appeared with Harry right behind her, both toting plenty of food to satisfy even the hungriest of teenage boys. A sudden gasp and then a pan clattered to the floor, bread buns scattering at Harry's feet.

"Harry! Are you okay?" Sue cried, but Harry seemed to recollect himself relatively quickly. He bent down and piled the buns back on the plate, then excused himself back to the kitchen to get fresh ones.

"Oh no," Harry whispered.

"I know," Billy said quietly.

A new bag was opened and they both entered the living room in a renewed silence. If it wasn't for Seth's enthusiasm for the introduction of food, the quiet would have been overwhelming. Bella felt trapped, desperate for normalcy where none seemed to be. She carefully skirted around Harry and Billy to the table where Sue set everything up and made a plate for herself- one plain hotdog and a very small serving of salad. It was the least offending meal she could think of, and she was more than accustomed to eating and choking it up later.

She took one bite and the silence seemed to snap. Both Harry and Billy were staring at her, mouths gaping in an inexplicable awe. But with her making the first move, Jacob and Charlie were prompted to join her. Even Harry hesitantly reached over to grab a piece of fish, and Sue popped open a beer and handed it to Billy.

Seth turned the television on and started chatting with Jacob, and Sue finally found her chance to welcome Bella back to La Push. She told her that they had met long before, when Bella was just a little girl she played with her daughter, Leah. Sue didn't seem offended when Bella didn't remember, but was happy to regale her with cheerful memories.

An uneasy agreement seemed to settle over the room. But Bella felt like she was being carefully watched, even as Billy wheeled himself beside the couch and Harry turned the volume up.

And Bella couldn't explain it, except for it was just what she was. The nature of her condition was one of horror, where she was meant to pull people in but their sense of self-preservation made her terrifying simultaneously. The only explanation she could come up with was that Billy and Harry were more sensitive to it, or less receptive to the attractive qualities. It was only luck that more didn't react the same way. Maybe, she thought, it was because she was more unassuming than other vampires, constantly trying to shrink herself and blend in. And that just wasn't working with them.

It was a sad thought, that she wouldn't be able to come back with Charlie. These people were so important to him, and she couldn't share that with him. It hurt her to think that Charlie might try to limit his life to accommodate her, especially when her condition was already such a burden.

It was the bottom of the fifth inning when Seth bounded over to the table for a third helping. He was so enthusiastic, so genuine. Bella couldn't help but smile.

It dropped quickly, though. In his enthusiasm, he swiped Sue's empty beer bottle off the table. Bella saw it all telegraphed- the bottle shattering on the floor, splices of glass ricocheting in uncountable directions, and in the middle of it all was Seth's bare feet. Just one shard, and Bella didn't know if she could withstand it. There were so many humans here, ones she cared about. It was an impossible situation, and a risk she decided she just simply couldn't take.

Her hand flew out and she grabbed the bottle just as the bottom skimmed the floor. Too quick to be human. Seth jokingly applauded her reflexes before he stuffed an entire hotdog in his mouth and returned to sit in front of the TV, but the damage was done.

Billy's hands were shaking against the wheels as he pushed himself away. His eyes never left hers, even as he rolled past her and back to the perceived privacy of the kitchen. She could hear his heart racing, his breaths coming quickly. If she could hear his mind, she was sure it would be one of chaos and fear. Shaky fingers pressed a series of digits on the phone, and it was answered after a half a ring.

"There's one here, in my home!" Billy whispered needlessly. Bella could easily hear every word he said, would still be able to even if he moved a half mile away and muffled his voice.

"One what?" the deep voice on the other end asked.

"A cold one!" Billy hissed, and it was Bella's turn to freeze. Cold one. Cold one. That was her, wasn't it? She wasn't familiar with the origin of the term, but there was no other person who could be described as such, especially with such vitriol and horror. "It's Charlie's daughter."

Well, no further need for clarification. She knew exactly who they were talking about now. She tiptoed behind Charlie and placed a hand on his shoulder in warning.

"Dad, I don't feel well," she said softly.

"What?" Charlie asked, still distracted from the game. The Mariners scored a run and still had a man on base and despite how exciting it all was, Charlie's attention was caught by the worry in his daughter's voice. A thousand thoughts flew by, marred by the memories of her voice over the phone while she was hospitalised, the damage the fire raged on the little girl he cherished. "Let's go. We need to go to the hospital right now."

"No," Bella said sharply, then drew a quick breath. "No, I'm fine. It's just a headache. I just want to go home, lay down, you know?"

"Okay, let's go then," Charlie agreed, grabbing for his keys in his pocket.

"Oh, I don't want you to miss the game," Bella said sadly.

"Don't even worry about it, Bells."

"Please, Dad," she begged. "I can walk."

"It's raining," Charlie pointed out. But there was a desperate, crazed look in her eyes that worried him in a deeply paternal way. He hooked his keys around his finger and pressed it into her hands. "Go. Jacob can drop me off tonight, I'm sure. He'll be ecstatic for an excuse to drive with police permission."

"Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you."

She slipped out of the house without another word. She felt shitty for leaving without saying goodbye, especially after how kind Sue had been, and how endearing Seth was. Jacob, especially, who was sure to miss her absence and had always been so inviting.

But she didn't know what to expect, and she needed to leave. The engine turned easily and she drove slowly down the driveway until she was out of sight. The transmission clicked quickly as she pressed her foot to the gas pedal, accelerating to a speed it had likely never before reached. Rain pelted the windshield like furious shards, the dense forest blurred to a soft, menacing green.

All she wanted to do was get back to her house, then race home to Edward. Messy hair, sharp eyes, the world was a whirlwind around him but he was the eye where the storm calmed. Edward, he would know-

Edward.

He was the one who told her, who warned her about the danger on the reservation. She didn't take it seriously because how could she when she was indestructible?

She screamed a blood curdling, piercing scream and slammed on the breaks. A creature was squared in the road right in front of her, fur black as night and tall as a horse. Its eyes glistened a dark gold as its mouth pulled up in a snarl, revealing dagger-like incisors. She heard its growl, and felt a deep, striking fear of mortal danger unlike that she had ever experienced. At least, not since the monster with red eyes stood over her and sunk his teeth into her arm.

She tore the door off its hinges as she flew out. God, what was she doing, leaving Charlie's police cruiser abandoned in the middle of the road? The creature took a step forward, though, and every instinct in Bella's body told her to run. She turned on her heels and sprinted, as fast as her feet would carry her. She darted around trees and lunged across a stream and slowed slightly, listening behind her.

But there it was. She could see its snout as it rammed against branches, barrelling its own way through the woods and right towards her. She took off again, this time trying to weave around in an evasive pattern, but it still followed her. She had to do something else, something more. She could smell the stench of it now, disgusting and overwhelming enough that it was difficult to detect anything else. The woods had been such a comfort, especially in the rain where life teemed under its gentle caress, but the creature trampled everything in its path. Its growl rumbled like thunder, echoing through the canopy.

She ran to the river. Water rushed from the mountains where the snow was melting to where it would meet the ocean. Two powerful forces crashing into each other but eventually melding into one, and its width could provide distance too. Bella launched herself across it easily and landed gracefully on the other side. She took a few strides and turned back again, waiting to see the creature howling on the opposite bank.

It did no such thing. It bounded straight across with almost as much ease as she did, and was again heading straight for her. A snarl ripped through it and its muscles rippled violently.

She was holding her breath. If she dared breathe, all she would smell would be it, and she was afraid she would be hyperventilating needlessly. This was the end. She ran, but it followed too closely than she could dare allow herself to find a way to escape. She jumped, but it could do exactly the same. She had no idea that such a creature existed, that anything could rival the strength and speed of a vampire.

It was her only chance. She sprung up into the branches and scaled the trunk of an oak. She clung to the top of the towering tree and peered down. Foam formed at the corners of its mouth and saliva dripped down its canines. It snarled again, then launched itself up and after her. Its claws scraped against the bark, tearing it as easily as paper.

Its jaws snapped right at her feet before it slid down slightly, the tree bending to its weight. It redoubled its efforts, though, and Bella could feel the end coming. She needed to fight, but the will was gone. She had never been much of a fighter. But Edward was. She could almost hear his voice in her ears, cursing her and the world. He would tell her to stand and fight. He'd been through much worse and fought back, and he had no one to come back to. She did.

She squared her shoulders and dug her feet into the branch, preparing to propel down at the creature. It may be fast, but maybe it wouldn't be as strong as she was. She would have to take the chance.

It snarled again, and she recoiled. Come on, Bella told herself. She steeled herself. It nipped at her foot again, and she could feel the harsh heat that radiated from it, the smooth surface of its teeth. The rage in its eyes.

She didn't have the chance to fight. Its mouth opened, and it angled its jaw just perfectly to fit around her ankle. The teeth didn't pierce her skin but she could still feel the power behind the force that swung her out of the trees. She landed on her back, slammed to the ground so she formed an indent in the mud. The creature landed beside her and placed a giant paw on her chest, its weight pinning her down. The claws shredded her sweater. Its hot breath was rank and vile, steam billowed from its mouth.

She wanted to close her eyes but found that she couldn't. She had to face it. Edward would want her to face it, to be brave. "Please," she cried, not knowing what she was even asking for. Her existence had been so brief, when she was promised eternity. It seemed unfair. She thought it would be Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, but no. It was The Last Day of a Condemned Man. She got 641 days. Only 82 since she met Edward.

Not enough.

She felt the warmth of its wet snout press against her neck, its jaw opening to clamp down on her neck and-

A pale figure flew into the creature and launched it off of her. It skidded in the dirt and whimpered as it smacked into a boulder. The figure straightened and held his hand out to pull her up. Honey-blond hair and scarred skin set an imposing presence in the rainy night.

"Jasper," Bella sighed.