Authors note: This is my personal favourite chapter in the book (and Midnight Sun) I hope you guys enjoy!
Chapter 17: The Meadow
Bella's POV
I woke early, having slept soundly and dreamlessly thanks to my gratuitous drug use. Though I was well rested, I slipped right back into the same hectic frenzy from the night before. I dressed in a rush, smoothing my collar against my neck, fidgeting with the tan sweater till it hung right over my jeans. I sneaked a swift look out the window to see that Charlie was already gone. A thin, cottony layer of clouds veiled the sky. They didn't look very lasting.
I ate breakfast without tasting the food, hurrying to clean up when I was done. I peeked out the window again, but nothing had changed. I had just finished brushing my teeth and was heading back downstairs when a quiet knock sent my heart thudding against my rib cage.
I flew to the door; I had a little trouble with the simple dead bolt, but I yanked the door open at last, and there he was. All the agitation dissolved as soon as I looked at his face, calm taking its place. I breathed a sigh of relief - yesterday's fears seemed very foolish with him here.
Adam's POV
I woke up from the radiating warmth coming from the beam of sunlight that was shining directly on my face and heating up my car. I heard the sounds of birds chirping joyously from the green pine trees within the forest.
As I opened my eyes slowly I was blinded by the brightness of the day and the dazzling, shining sun and it took me a few minutes for my eyes to adjust.
I saw the open, blue sky in front of me that had only a thin layer of clouds drifting in the horizon. Charlie's cruiser was gone. He had probably left early to the fishing trip he was having this weekend.
My stomach filled with butterflies, either from the warm sunny day or the anticipation that I was going to see Bella again- most likely a combination of both.
As I stared at the front door I wondered if she felt as nervous and excited as I was and if she was looking forward to our date. Every fiber in my body wished that she was. I wanted her to have the best day possible and I couldn't wait to see the smile that lightened up her face when she would see and walk through the meadow for the first time. Just the idea and imagination of seeing her happy and smiling made my heart full with love, pure bliss and joy.
I exited the car and the temperature was high for the Washington climate, it was the warmest and sunniest it had been since I've arrived in Forks. Even warmer than the day we went to the beach when there were more clouds circling the skies.
I walked up to her house, the butterflies intensifying and my heart pounding in anticipation.
I knocked on the door twice before I heard footsteps storming down the stairs and approaching the door. I heard her struggle with the door handle for a moment before the door yanked open, almost making me jump when it clashed with the wall.
And there she was, staring at me and taking a deep breath to calm her heavy breathing.
From the moment she appeared in the door opening and I looked into her mesmerising, inviting brown eyes all of the anxiety, worries and tense feelings I had from yesterday disappeared as fast as the bad weather had this morning.
I couldn't think of a better analogy; she was the sun that brightened my days even when the clouds were threatening to evade and darken the figurative skies of my mind.
Everything about her was warm; from her lips to her body, the pink of her cheeks and the brown colour of her eyes and then her personality.. warm, sweet, innocent and a heart that cared deeply.
She was like a small, warm ball of sunshine that radiated joy and happiness whenever she was around me.
And I was desperately in love with her.
I looked down at what she was wearing and couldn't help but laugh spontaneously and shake my head. She was wearing the exact same clothes she would have to her date with Edward; she wore a tan sweater that hung fixed around her blue jeans with a white collar showing underneath, and tennis shoes. She also looked healthier and her face had a warmer colour, as if she had a better sleep last night.
"Good morning" I chuckled
"What's wrong?" She asked as she glanced down at her clothes
"I mean, really?" I said "You look awfully familiar" I continued, the grin still plastered on my face.
"Is there something wrong with my clothes?" She asked as her cheeks coloured a faint pink and she glanced down to examine her clothes again.
"Um" I laughed "I mean you kind of wore the exact same outfit to your date with Edward.."
"Oh" she said in a low voice, her face surprised "I can go and change if you want" she continued, already making a move to walk back inside.
"No it's fine" I reassured "You look great"
"Are you sure?" She asked, biting her bottom lip nervously.
"Yes. You're beautiful" I said and leaned in to kiss her cheek, the blush in them deepened and she closed the door, locking it behind her.
I walked to her truck and tried to open the door at the passengers side but it was locked, she smiled at me before climbing into the drivers seat and unlocking my door, then I got in and fastened the seatbelt.
"Where to?" She asked and she started the engine as we got on our way.
I saw she didn't put her seatbelt on and it gave me anxiety.
"Please put on your seatbelt baby"
She made an attempt to glare at me but was unable to stop the smile tugging at the corners of her lips, then she complied.
"Where to?" She repeated, letting out a sigh.
"Um"
I didn't remember the exact route Alice took when she drove me back home from my adventure to the meadow as I was lost in both my own thoughts and my conversation with her, but I did know what Edward told her so I decided to repeat that and hope she would understand well enough to get us there.
"Take the 101 north" I told her.
I glanced at how many miles per hour she was driving and noticed she was driving extremely slow and careful on the empty roads of an typical early Saturday morning when most of the town was still asleep. It was going to take a while to reach the highway at this pace and I felt like taking a nap, I leaned back into my seat and relaxed.
"Are you worried we'll get into an accident before I can take you on our date?" I asked in a teasing manner as I chuckled
"Yes. I'm worried I'll get distracted" she said as her cheeks flushed.
I didn't know what she meant, she couldn't possibly feel as dazzled by me as she was by Edward. I didn't have supernatural features so inhumanly perfect that they were designed to attract people. Yet she treated me as if I was somehow more special than other human boys that tried to win her heart. I wasn't even as popular or rich as Mike Newton. I was a loner who disliked most people and didn't feel deserving of love, least of all hers.
Maybe I was right and she was drawn to mystery, to the point she let it consume her.
"Well, I'm sure we'll be back before your dad reports you as missing" I joked as I continued to tease her.
She frowned at me "This car is old enough to be most cars grandfather- have some respect"
"It's not just the car" I said "Remember when I told you that the hike was going to take around an hour?"
She nodded "Yes"
"Well that was average walking speed and I tend to walk faster than most people. At Bella pace it means it's probably going to take us double that time"
She glared at me for a moment then turned onto the highway and soon we were out of the town limits, the lawns and houses disappearing along the road and making place for anything that was brown and green.
"Turn right on the one- ten next" I said and she nodded then did as I instructed.
"It's not fair you know everything that I'm thinking" she sighed in frustration.
"Look at it this way" I paused "If I didn't then who was going to help you avoid falling over loose stones and roots on the ground?"
"Do you promise to hold my hand like last time?" She asked, blushing.
"Of course" I said "I don't mind walking slower for you like we did in La Push. We have all day and I'm just glad to be spending time with you"
"I don't understand why you treat me so nicely all the time" she said, taking a deep breath and paying attention to the road. "I didn't do anything to deserve that"
"Bella, if only you knew how much you have changed my world and how happy you make me just by being in my presence" I paused and looked over to her, her cheeks were warming up and she tried to keep her eyes on where we were going.
"I love you and that means I'll do anything for you, even something small and seemingly irrelevant as holding your hand so you won't fall and hurt yourself" I paused "And also because I had a lot of time to reflect on how Edward treated you"
"And?" She asked, her voice quiet.
"He was often rude and snappy, even when your safety was concerned and I think he was just projecting his own insecurities on you- mainly his insecurity about being a vampire and being drawn to your blood"
She swallowed "What make you come to that conclusion?"
I was silent for a moment, trying to figure out how to tell her this without making her feel upset.
"Because you are different" I said "You're less frustrated and irritable than I remember you being with him sometimes and I mean that in the best way possible" I chuckled.
"I don't see any reason to" she shrugged "The last time I recall you making me feel like that was when I saw you that first day in biology class"
"Exactly"
"So where to next?" She asked
"Just drive until the road ends"
"And what's there?" She asked "At the end of the road?"
"A hiking trail" I smiled "It's near where Alice picked me up when I was lost in the woods"
She looked at me, her face surprised
"You walked all the way here from Forks?"
I laughed "Yeah, except I didn't take the road. I got lost in the woods one day and walked for hours and hours and that's when I found this place"
"Why did you sneak out of the house?" She asked, her voice curious.
"It's a long story but I will tell you when we're there. You'll understand better when I show you"
She smiled at me and we reached the end of the road, reaching a thin foot trail with a small wooden marker.
She parked the car and got out before me.
Suddenly I was feeling nostalgic. The last time I was here when I came walking out of these woods I was lost, both mentally and literally and walked another mile before Alice picked me up on the road.
I got out of the car into the heat of the midday sun. I felt like I was going to sweat profusely in the black sweater I was wearing and pushed the sleeves up to my elbows. I waited for her and when Bella met me at my side I saw she did the same thing, having pushed the sleeves to her elbow I glanced at the soft, perfect and translucent skin underneath that looked nothing like my broad and hairy arms.
"Follow me" I suggested and ventured into the dark forest.
"The trail?" She said, clear panic in her voice as she hesitated and stood still for a moment. I glanced over my shoulder to see I was way ahead of her and waited, she ran to catch up to me and walk by my side.
Then I continued to walk into the forest.
"We're not taking the trail baby" I smiled at her but she was visibly worried about that fact, looking down at the ground.
"No trail?" She sighed.
"I didn't take a trail last time but no worries. I happen to have a vivid memory"
We walked in silence for a moment as I was deliberately focusing my mind on where we were going so we wouldn't get lost, as much as I wouldn't mind to get lost with her and have more time together. The latter wasn't necessary, we were always lost in our own little world when we were together. Hence why I tried twice as hard to keep my focus and see if I was on the right path.
I sometimes glanced at her to make sure she was still next to me and hadn't fallen and injured herself somewhere. I loved hiking in my own world because it made me feel great both mentally and physically and some people would explain I walked too fast at times, but now I took slow steps to make sure she could keep up with me and she tried to stay close at my side while walking carefully.
I liked the change of pace, it made me enjoy and appreciate my surroundings more as I took in the beauty of the greenery around us and the sounds of nature.
Bella was quiet; her facial expressions were still horrid, worried and I was anxiously wondering if she was having a good time.
"Are you okay or do you want me to take you back home?"
"No" she said instantly as she walked up as close to me as possible, our hands almost touching as I felt her warmth radiating. I reached out to touch her fingers and she reciprocated, brushing my hand and sending a surge of butterflies through my stomach at her warm and soft touch.
"Then what's wrong?" I asked "is it the hike?"
She nodded "I'm not a good hiker, you'll have to be very patient"
I held her hand in mine and she squeezed it tightly, her expression and mood lightened a bit immediately.
"I don't mind baby. As I said I'm usually a fast walker but I am quite enjoying this pace"
A small smile appeared on her face and she still held onto my hand as if her life was depending on it.
"How many miles is it, this hike?" She asked
"It's about 5 miles I believe"
Her facial expression turned worried again "Are you sure you don't want to lead the way? It's going to take me until sundown to hack 5 miles through the jungle" she said, frustration saturating her voice.
I always thought it was funny that Edward was having an existential crisis about what Bella would be thinking about him being a vampire when she was just worried about walking and not falling over some random branch on the ground.
But if I thought about it it wasn't that funny, if anything it was scarily relatable. I had the exact same overthinking tendencies he did because of my social anxiety and insecurities especially if I liked someone. I would have been in panic mode right now if I didn't know what she was thinking.
"I'm okay" I said "I'd rather just stay at your side because I'm scared I'd lose you and you'd get lost" I continued as I noticed I was unintentionally and subconsciously squeezing her hand tightly too "Not to mention the falling and hurting yourself part"
She smiled but her eyes were difficult to read then we continued to walk in silence through the green, dense maze; ancient trees were all that spread out and surrounded all around us and everything began to look the same. I felt like a rat in a cage and began to be nervous that we were actually getting lost and that I'd never get out of the forest again. This is why I avoided walking through woods like the pest back at home.
As we continued our hike I held aside moss for her and helped her step over some fallen trees and large rocks on the ground, holding onto her hand a bit more firm than usual and lifting her waist with my other hand for support because a sudden fear would overwhelm me and turn my stomach for just a second every time, thinking about the possibility that she could slip and fall.
"You know" I started in an attempt to break her tense and anxious mood "We could have matched outfits today if I wanted to"
"Why didn't you?" She asked.
"Because while I think the idea is cute I decided you were right, we should make our own memories instead of reenact ones from the stupid book"
"So you agree it's a stupid book?"
"I agree it's a stupid book" I confirmed as I chuckled and her smile widened as she played with a strand of her hair.
"But" I paused "I can't hate the book, because you wouldn't exist without it"
She appeared to be lost in thought for a moment as she looked forward, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion or frustration. It was hard to know.
"Who wrote this book?" She asked.
"The authors name is Stephanie Meyer"
She was quiet again, still pondering over her thoughts. Now this information was all new for her I did wonder with fascination what she would be thinking.
"And this Stephanie Meyer created me?"
"Yes" I confirmed "In a way she's the God of your universe in the same way I believe the God of my world, or rather our joint universe created humanity"
"Why did she make me like this?" She asked.
"What do you mean?" I laughed at the tone in which she asked the question but there was genuine confusion in my voice.
"Why couldn't she make me like a normal human? Or even a vampire" she sighed.
I noticed how our conversation topics were much deeper at times than what she talked about with Edward when he would ask her about childhood teachers and pets, and she'd joke to him about her dead fishes. I decided it wasn't really necessary for me to ask about these details of her life since we were both aware I knew all of this already. And since we got so easily swept away and consumed with each other just by small talk it was best I didn't dwell on more existential discussions for now or we'd definitely get lost and sleep in the woods tonight.
"I feel like that's an existential question I'd love to discuss with you later, but I fell in love with you just the way you are baby" I paused "As for the latter.. you'd be surprised about that"
She stared at me with curiosity behind her expressive brown eyes then took a deep breath as she looked straight forward again.
"So what is your world like?" She asked.
"It's about the same as yours, but without magic and supernatural beings like vampires" I paused "Or you" my last words left my lips pulling at my heart strings. The hypothetical thought of her not existing in any world made my heart physically hurt from agony and I noticed I was squeezing and holding onto her hand tightly again as a lump formed in my throat and I was brought on the brink of tears.
She stared at me, her eyes intense and confused. She had probably noticed the change in my tortured expression.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
I moved my fingers along hers, playing with them and brushing my thumb along her hand to make sure she was real and I noticed her blush deepen as I looked sideways.
"I'm just appreciating your existence" I said.
She giggled and reciprocated by caressing my hand softly, giving me another surge of butterflies and fastening my heartbeat before she intertwined her fingers with mine.
"So, did you tell your dad we are going on a date today?" I asked
"Nope" she said as she bit her bottom lip.
"He still thinks you're going to Seattle?"
"Um" she paused "Actually he thinks I cancelled those plans and that I'm staying home today to do chores"
"So, who knows that we're dating?" I asked
"Only Jessica and Angela"
"Why won't you tell your dad?"
"I can't lie to him" she sighed "And the truth sounds worse than the lie in this case"
"What do you mean?" I asked, looking at her with intrigue.
"Hey dad I'm going out with a 26 year old guy from another world who has read a book about my life. Oh and he's probably dead as well, hope that's okay with you" she pretended and I laughed.
"Yeah. I see how that's a problem but even though I disagree and think you should tell him the full truth, you don't have to" I paused "You can just tell him that we're dating"
She sighed "Have you told your family?"
"Yes but most of them already knew before I did" I chuckled "Especially Alice"
We continued to walk in silence for the most part. The hike took us almost all morning and I just enjoyed her company, and the butterflies and happiness I was feeling all throughout the hike from being so close to her; a surge of electric intimacy radiating between us.
The last time I was here I wondered if surrounded by nature alone was where I belonged, except now I wasn't lost and I wasn't alone, I was right where I should be- at her side. I realised the most important person was missing in the equation; her.
I was in a state of pure bliss and started to feel at home in the nature of the peaceful forest. I wanted this moment to last forever. To just be with her and forget about the world and the horrible nuisance and existence that was modern human society, an existence I felt alienated from even more in my own world than in hers.
We were walking for several hours when the light transformed the trees from an murky, olive tone to a brighter shade of green making the forest around us come alive, the birds chirping cheerfully as they sat high in the canopy and flew low above it.
All the way she never fell once or hurt herself. Which was an accomplishment I was proud of- And being proud of someone for walking like a normal person wasn't something I ever expected I was going to feel.
The sun was starting to get warmer, beams of sunlight shining through the branches of the trees.
"Are we there yet?" She teased as she looked at me with puppy eyes and pouted her bottom lip.
Her voice wasn't as anxious now but had a playful tone and I saw the tense expression on her face had relieved; her face glowing from both the sunlight that shone across one half of her face and the excitement behind her light brown eyes.
I chuckled at the sudden change in her mood and got lost into her eyes for a moment, melting into the honey pool.
"Almost" I smiled at her before I looked
ahead to the bright glow that was starting to appear between the trees in the distance "Do you see the light up ahead?"
She squinted her eyes, focusing as she stared into the distance.
"Um, should I?"
"You should almost be able to see it" I said
"Time to visit the optometrist" she muttered, making me laugh.
"Maybe" I said "I think glasses would look cute on you"
Her face became red "I- I don't" she stammered "My eyesight is fine"
Suddenly after a few more yards she picked up her pace, taking big steps and I smiled at her newfound eagerness, letting her lead the way.
She walked to the edge of the forest, nearing the bright glow of the sun and stepped through the last fringe of ferns between the trees and into the meadow.
I followed her, exiting the canopy of the forest and stepping out of the shades from the trees. When we arrived at the meadow the sun was overhead, shining high at the horizon in the open, blue sky- brightening the grassland into a radiant golden glow. The bubbling stream nearby sounded like nature playing music to my ears.
She was in a state of bewildering, awestruck while slowly walking through the warm sunlight and kneeling down to touch the soft grass and flowers.
I followed her, smiling as she sat on her knees and continued to play with the grass in her dreamlike state.
She stood up and spun around, a smile playing on her lips when she saw me. Her brown eyes full of childlike wonder, awe and curiosity.
She took a step forward and I walked towards her. I sat down on the soft, green grass and she sat close to me sideways, playing with the grass and flowers on the ground.
The sunlight was shining across her face, making her eyes a glimmering honey pool, the same colour I fell in love with on La Push. I stared into them for what felt like infinity, melting into the honey pool of her eyes.
It felt immensely intimate to sit with her alone in an empty grass field. Just her and me in the middle of nowhere, with no one around but the endless depths of the dense forest- as if we existed as the sole people in our own world. I never realised this is how it was in the books.
I brushed her hair away from her face and pressed a kiss against her cheek.
"I think I'm unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you" I said, seeing her cheeks colour pink and her eyes widen as a reaction as she looked up to meet mine.
"Is this something you read in the book?" She asked, her eyes still frozen on mine.
"Yes" I laughed, biting my lip.
"Because I was thinking about the exact same thing last week"
"When was that?" I asked as I played with her hair, twirling it around my finger, she looked down, continuing to play with the grass and flowers that swayed from the gentle wind.
"T- the day you saved me in Port Angeles. That night I fell in love and dreamt about you for the first time" she blushed.
My heart skipped a few beats as my smile widened.
"It was the same for me.. I was having nightmares ever since I arrived in your world, it was the same repeating nightmare everyday but that night I dreamt about you and had the first peaceful sleep in forever"
Her blush deepened and she snuggled into me, nestling her head into the crook of my neck.
I laid down on the grass, resting my head on my arm and looking up at the open, blue sky and blinding warm sun behind the green trees at the horizon. She rested her head on my chest, snuggling even closer to me and wrapping her leg around mine- my heart thumping softly into her ear.
"I love you" she whispered as she tugged lightly at my shirt
"I love you" I responded, pressing a kiss on top of her head and running my fingers through her hair.
"I'm curious" she said
"About what baby?"
She hid her face in my chest "Um.. your nightmares. What were they about?"
I tried to remember them but it was hard to forget and erase from my mind, it was the same one every night. Every night until I fell in love with her that was.
"It begins with me standing in the woods and every time there was a shadowy figure standing behind the trees, I could never get closer to them or see what they looked like but all they asked is for me to come with them and when I did it was like I entered a tunnel with a bright light at the end. And then it ended"
She was quiet for a moment.
"Do you think your dreams have anything to do with you being here?" She asked.
I sighed "I don't know. But it does worry me because I have no idea what it means"
"I don't want you to leave me" her voice broke and sounded sad. She held onto my sweater tightly.
"I won't leave you baby I promise. I'm happy here"
She swallowed "How do you know you won't be taken back to your own world?"
"To be honest I don't know. But if it was my choice I'd want to be with you forever"
"I want to be with you forever" she whispered "But you're only human" she hinted.
I continued to hold her in my arms, feeling her radiating warmth as I stroke her straight hair and stared into the ocean blue depths of the sky.
"I thought about immortality a lot" I paused for a moment "In my own world"
"And?" She asked, curiosity saturated her voice.
"And given the chance I always thought I'd take it without a doubt, I've always been scared of death both my own and those of the people I love" I paused and swallowed the sad feelings that were creeping up at me "I believe our time on earth isn't long enough. No matter its downsides life is too beautiful for it to end so abruptly"
"I feel like there's a but coming" she said after a moment.
"But I have a lot of beliefs about vampirism that stops me from romanticising it" I said "I think we're meant to be human because its who we are in our most pure and natural state, the way we are designed to be. Vampirism is only a corruption of that"
She listened to me attentively and sighed "It's just I do want to be with you forever but.. I also always thought that I wasn't born or meant to be human" she said "Always feeling out of touch with myself and others and when you told me about your family it just made sense to me that maybe I belong in that world"
"I know baby and that's actually another reason for me as well" I sighed "I feel the exact same way"
"Would you still love me if-"
"I'll love you no matter what, Bella. I just want you to be happy"
"But I wouldn't be warm or smell the same" she said "I know you said vampires aren't physically appealing to you"
"They're not" I said "But you would still be you and that's all that matters to me"
She snuggled up closer to me, intertwining our legs more tightly.
"How do you think you ended up here?" She asked "What do you think happened?"
I turned around so we were laying sideways on the grass and facing each other.
She looked up at me with her puppy eyes, I was in love with her endless curiosity.
I thought about her question then I grabbed her waist pulling her closer to me and she intertwined her leg with mine again- still staring into my eyes and her cheeks warming up at my touch. I touched her face, gently brushing her cheek with my thumb then I pressed a kiss to her forehead and nose and she wrinkled it before she smiled.
"My theory is that maybe my soul has left my body and somehow ended up here"
"Do you think you're-" she stopped in her tracks.
"Dead" I said and she nodded.
"Maybe.. I had multiple theories written in your diary. I think it feels too real to be a dream, but also too good to be true. And if it's a coma then it's one I'd gladly never wake up from"
"Well I'm definitely real and alive"
"Sounds like something a dream person would say" I laughed and she giggled shortly after me.
"I think you're right.. about your soul" she said "But I'm scared about what that means, scared that one day you will suddenly disappear and I will lose you"
"I don't know" I said, the possibility of that happening made a genuine fear wash over me and the thought that I would be losing her pained my heart almost physically.
"But I'll do anything in my power to make sure that won't happen"
It was silent for a moment as she rested her head on my chest to listen to my heartbeat.
"You know I don't think I've ever been loved the way you love and I find it hard to understand" I said.
"You don't see yourself very clearly" she whispered "That's what you told me once when you thought I couldn't hear you"
I smiled at the fact that she remembered
"You remember that?"
"I remember everything" she said as her cheeks coloured red again.
"It's not just that but the way you love people in general, like how you trusted Edward and risked your own life by coming here because of your love for him"
"I did that?" She asked, surprised at her own actions.
"Yes" I admitted reluctantly.
"Well" she sighed "If how I felt towards him is anywhere close near how I feel for you then I'm not surprised"
My heart skipped a few beats and I knew she could hear it because she smiled.
"Well" I swallowed "If you ever wondered why I fell deeply in love with you, that's why" I continued "You love unlike every other person I have ever known"
"I could say the same about you" she said "You risked your life a few times for me, pushing me away from that van and then back in Port Angeles. It could have ended badly both times but still you went to those lengths, how is that different?"
"You're right" I said "The way I love you is not different, except that we're not a threat to each other- Edward was" I stopped myself in my tracks, taking a deep breath because of the sudden anger and fear that I felt boiling deep within.
"Is a threat" I corrected, pulling my arms around her protectively to hold her closer, as if something would come out of the wilderness to attack and harm her at any moment.
"I'm sure Edward can't bite me if you're holding me like that" she giggled.
I played with her hair, her face blushing slightly at my touch "Did I ever tell you how I found this place?
"No. But I'd love to hear it"
"I was depressed when I first arrived in your world. I felt lost and alone and I missed my family dearly so one day I kept tossing around in your bed and couldn't sleep, and that was when I found your iPod" I paused "I found this classical piano hit that I love called 'River Flows in You'"
"That's a great song" she smiled, resting her head on my chest and putting her hand next to it.
"It is" I smiled back before continuing my story "So I put on this song and wore your raincoat as I left the house, walking through the pouring rain into the forest and having no idea where I was going" I paused "Until I came across an actual flowing river"
She giggled at that coincidence and I laughed along with her but soon my mood and expression darkened.
"When I sat there watching the rain clash with the water I realised that it wasn't this world that was making me feel depressed and that it was just something I've been telling myself" I paused for a moment "The truth is I had always felt that way even in my own world and having time to reflect made me realise that, that I've never actually been happy not truly happy at least"
"Is there a reason why you've never been happy?" She asked after a moment, tugging at my sweater as she brushed her warm cheek against my chest.
"The reason why I'm telling you this is because I feel the same way you do. I never felt like I belonged" I paused taking a deep breath as I closed my eyes, butterflies filling my stomach. "But then I met you"
I noticed her breath fasten as she slowly moved her hand to touch my body "I feel the same way" she paused "I feel safe and comfortable with you like I can just be myself"
My smile widened "I feel like I told you that exact same thing once."
"You did" she said quietly as she blushed and touched her own lips "So how did you find the meadow?"
"So after struggling to fight my dark thoughts I saw two deers across the river and I believed they were in love" I chuckled "Stupid as it may be that moment made me realise there's beauty in the simple things in life and it motivated me to not give up yet"
"I don't think that's stupid" she whispered and swallowed "I'm glad you had that realisation"
"Anyway I tried to find my way back to your dad's house but I didn't find it of course, instead I found this meadow and since then it signifies how lost I felt before and how much you have changed my life since then"
"I love you" she said, catching me by surprise and making my heart beat faster "And I hope you won't ever have to feel that way anymore"
I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with air almost as if I was suffocating from how intensely and deeply I was falling in love with this girl and was trying to get some relief.
I leaned back, brushing her hair away to stare into the reflection of her eyes "I wish there were other words of ways to tell you how much you mean to me- I feel like I love you is inadequate and doesn't describe it well enough"
She stared into my eyes as she leaned closer and I felt her warm and soft pink lips brush mine, her breath resting on my lips.
I caressed her cheek and held her face before I leaned in slowly- my nose brushing along hers. I kissed her lips with burning love and passion, my tongue softly caressing her bottom lip as my heartbeat increased from desire. She pushed her body desperately against mine, pulling at my shirt as she deepened the kiss. I felt her heart thumping erratically in her chest against mine then she softly flicked the tip of her tongue against my lips, making my heart skip a beat before she smiled into the kiss.
I let myself get consumed into her and lost in the sensation of her sweet lips for a moment- our lips mengled in a slow, passionate kiss. Once again I felt like I was in Heaven.
I kissed her for what felt like hours then I leaned back slowly, pressing kisses to her face, jawline and ear before nestling my face into the crook of her neck and hiding between her long, straight hair that smelled like strawberry shampoo. She wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly and running her hand through my hair as I could still audibly still hear her racing heart against my ear.
I took in her scent as I brushed my face and nose along her neck then laid in silence for a moment, relaxing in the comfort of her warm body and the amazing smell of her hair that brushed along my face; the natural scent of her skin was just as attractive to me.
I felt at home in her arms and could easily drift off to sleep.
"I think I fell in love with your smell" I chuckled, noticing her erratic heart skip a beat.
"I shower everyday" she said, her cheeks colouring faintly red.
I didn't know if it was a joke or she meant it as a serious reply but I thought it was cute. She always knew how to make me smile and laugh by saying something offhanded.
I moved my head to rest it on her chest, closing my eyes as I listened to the beats of her drumming heart. If I had a favourite sound then this was it.
"So" she said, her voice weak "I'm curious"
Once again her curiosity made me smile widely "What are you curious about now baby?"
Her heart skipped another beat "Um" she breathed "What do you know about my future?"
I chuckled "Is this about the you wanting to be vampire thing?"
"Yes, but I also want to know if Charlie and my mom will be happy and if you know what will happen to them"
"You know, maybe I'm blindsided by my feelings but I think there truly hasn't been one thing that I don't love about you"
As I said this I heard her heart skip another beat and thump loudly making me smile "You know I can hear your heart react to me right?"
"If you want me to control my stupid heart then you can't say things like that" she said, making me chuckle out loud.
"Well it hasn't been exactly quiet all this time" I laughed "As for your parents they will be fine, but will you believe me if I told you that your dad will find love in the future?"
"No" her answer was almost instant and she laughed.
"Wow perhaps I should tell him how you really feel" I teased.
"I mean Charlie is amazing but he's too much like me.. too introverted and awkward to try and socialise with other people like a normal person"
"That's exactly why he's amazing" I chuckled "But its true, your dad will find someone who will make him happy"
"Wow" she said after a moment "I never expected he would get over my mom"
"He will eventually baby, sometimes those things just take time"
"So, who is it?" She asked "His future lover"
"Sue Clearwater"
She was quiet for a moment, trying to process that information.
"From the reservation in La Push?" She asked, her voice full of shock and confusion from my confession. "But doesn't she have a husband?"
"Well" I paused for a moment, biting my lip "Something will happen to him"
"Oh" she replied "As long as she takes care of Charlie, that's what I'm worried about the most that he won't have someone to take care of him once I leave the house"
"I know I keep reminding you about this but that's not your job, baby" I sighed "You're the best daughter anyone can wish for but they're adults, you're not supposed to take care of them"
"I'm the only one they have" she sighed but I could heard the pain and sacrifice behind her voice.
"As long as you prioritise your happiness as well" I added
"I am happy" she said "Being happy was the last thing I expected when I moved to Forks to live with Charlie, but I am"
I moved to lay close beside her and looked into her eyes.
"Would you go back to live in Phoenix or Florida with your mother if you had the chance?" I asked
It was silent for a long moment.
"I- I don't think so" she said as she looked down and played with the fabrics of my sweater "I want to stay in Forks"
I closed my eyes "That's what I was afraid of"
"Of me falling in love with you?" She asked for clarification.
"Yes" I sighed "Of your happiness being dependent on just me. I know how depressed you'll be if you get hurt and that's one of my deepest fears right now"
"So don't leave me" she whispered, holding onto me tightly.
"I will never leave you intentionally but I'm only human remember?" I sighed "With everything that's going with Edward its hard to predict what will happen to me"
"I-I'll protect you" she said and I smiled widely at her cuteness.
"You can't protect me baby, you're just as fragile as I am"
"Why do you have to be the one to protect me?" She sighed frustratingly.
"That's just the way it is, besides I'm not the one he's after" I paused, swallowing as I felt tears breaking through in my eyes.
I held the side of her face as she looked up at me and caressed her cheek softly with my thumb.
"But I promised you I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe and that's what I'm doing"
I took a deep breath and turned to lay on my back to look up at the sky,.. The sun was already going under behind the ancient trees colouring the sky in multiple beautiful colours; the blue of the day was darkening and transformed into purple and orange light was glowing, shining as a reflection from the slowly setting and disappearing sun. A few stars from the dark galaxy were getting visible, shining bright at the horizon. The temperature was dropping and it was getting colder now, but the wind was still soft and cooly blowing past the grass.
It was twilight.
She turned on her back as well to watch the sky with me.
"It's getting dark" I said
"I like the dark" she responded
"Without the dark, we'd never see the stars" I finished the sentence and we laughed.
"That's what my mother always said" she sighed, nostalgically.
"I know" I smiled "You're like my stars, Bella. You're the light that brightened my world when everything was nothing but empty and dark"
"I hope you remember that even if my light will fade one day" she said, her voice sounding sad.
"What do you mean?" I asked as I felt a sudden rush of panic and emotion.
She sighed "I thought about what you said, about Edward" she paused "You're right we don't know what will happen"
"Please don't say something like that" I swallowed "I took safety measures to make sure that won't happen.. nothing will happen to you or your dad, Bella" I paused for a moment "I promise"
"What kind of safety measures?" She asked as she looked at me sideways.
"I haven't told you this to not ruin our date but I went to La Push yesterday to visit the Quileutes"
"Why didn't you go to your family?" She asked.
"That was my first option" I paused "It went horribly wrong.. to the point I almost fought with Jasper so I decided my only choice was to go to the wolves and they agreed they'll protect you"
"You almost fought with Jasper?" She asked, looking at me in shock.
"Yes" I admitted hesitantly "He said something that pissed me off"
"So, you're not a part of their family anymore?" She asked.
"I don't know, everyone except Alice seems to be hostile and on Edward's side" I paused "I hope they'll return around, otherwise I have no idea how this is going to end"
"And with end you mean-" she paused as she swallowed "Badly"
"Yes" I confirmed, feeling the sense of dread taking over my body.
"You said the Quileutes will protect me, what does that mean?" She asked.
"They agreed to disregard the treaty to watch over you and Charlie and-" I took a deep breath "They're ready to fight if it comes to that"
She was quiet for a moment "I don't want anyone to risk their lives for me"
"It's kind of their job to protect people, besides they're supernatural so they'll be fine"
"But someone will get hurt, its inevitable" she breathed.
"As long as that someone is someone who's trying to hurt you, I don't care" I clarified "They deserve it"
We continued to watch the sky transform from the sundown of twilight to dusk in silence as more stars appeared at the horizon. She snuggled closer and curled up against me, pressing her face onto my chest. I continued playing with her hair and she purred happily.
"I'm sorry I didn't sparkle in the sun like a vampire today" I chuckled
"It's okay. There's still time" she said jokingly.
"Yeah" I said, my tone too dark and serious for the playful moment. I held her in my arms as we continued to lay in silence
"Remember when you asked me about being a vampire?" I asked.
"Yes" she answered and looked sideways at me with evident interest and curiosity.
"Alice had a vision"
"What kind of vision?" She asked
"She said that if a future fight will happen that I'll turn into a vampire"
Her chocolate brown eyes widened "How?"
"I don't know" I sighed "But the worst part is that I don't mind because I hate being incapable to protect you"
She stared at me for a moment then turned to look up at the sky in silence.
"But on a lighter note" I chuckled "At least you'll get to have the sparkling vampire experience"
She laughed as she continued to stare into the abyss and I looked at her intensely, wondering what she was thinking.
"What are you thinking?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing.
"Just wondering what you'd be like as a vampire" she answered.
I laughed and looked up at the sky again "I just hope nothing will change between us.. I am aware I'd be infinitely more attractive than I am already"
"I can't imagine you could possibly dazzle me more than you do already" she said and I laughed again, with butterflies filling my stomach this time.
"You're cute" I mumbled.
After a moment we sat up again, my body feeling numb from laying down for such a long amount of time. I pulled one leg up and ran my hand through my hair as she sat on her knees in the grass, as close to me as possible, her body pressed against mine.
I now became aware that the meadow had an ominous atmosphere in the dark and it was getting harder to see anything around me except lightened by the bright, white lights coming from the stars in the clear sky above. Where our date felt immensely intimate before already, that feeling was intensified infinitely now, making me feel an incredible closeness to her.
But despite the romantic intimacy and tension I couldn't help but feel like something was terribly wrong, like there was a pair of eyes on me- watching me somehow, from somewhere and it made me feel extremely uneasy to stare into the eternally stretching oblivion that was the dark depths of the forest. For just a moment I thought I could see bright, blazing red eyes staring back at me from within the darkness. I blinked my eyes and they were gone. It had to be my imagination.
I got chills and shivered, then shook it off me and turned to look at her, playing with a strand of her hair. Her warmth and presence were comforting.
"You know.. Edward compared your relationship dynamic to a lion falling in love with a lamb and now I think about it that analogy doesn't sound all that romantic"
She stared at me.
"Basically he was saying that he was a predator and you were his prey" I paused and laughed spontaneously at what I said "Quite the charmer"
"It doesn't seem like you liked him very much" she said, playing with the grass.
"It just doesn't sound like love" I sighed "Loving someone is not about thrill or danger, it's about someone being your favourite person in the whole world and prioritising their happiness and safety above all else. True love is pure, selfless and above all unconditional" I paused and my smile widened, she was still staring intently into my eyes.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud" I recited and paused "1 Corinthians 13:4" I added as I grinned at her confused expression and she blushed.
"What does that mean?" She asked with a childlike wonder behind her eyes.
"It's a bible verse" I chuckled, biting my bottom lip "I suppose you never read it?"
"I never really thought about those things" she shrugged, looking down at the violet flowers again and twirling her finger along them.
"I have another analogy I've been thinking about and it might be more cringe" I blushed when I thought about how I've been seeing her ever since the first time I laid my eyes on her.
"What is it?"
"I think that I've died and went to the afterlife, but instead of going to a place that's called Heaven you're an angel who brought Heaven to me"
She stared intensely into my eyes then leaned forward to hide her face in my neck, she brushed her lips against it hesitantly before giving a kiss on my neck. The touch of her soft lips made my heart skip a beat.
"Have I ever told you how badly I want you?" I asked.
She sat straight on her knees as her breath fastened and her cheeks coloured a deep crimson red
"In what way?" she asked quietly, too shy to ask it out loud.
"In every way possible" I said, tucking a loose hair behind her reddened ear.
She put her elbow in front of her face to hide how much her cheeks were burning right now but then decided it was not enough and pulled her sweater over her face.
I laughed at her innocence "Are you doing okay?"
"No" she breathed.
"You being adorable is just intensifying my feelings" I chuckled "Just saying"
"Remember those feelings I told you about before?" She asked, her voice weak.
I pulled her sweater down to look at her red face and laughed before brushing my thumb along her bottom lip. She was still breathing heavily and I felt her warm breath resting on my hand.
In the heat of the moment I tugged at her sweater, pulling her body against mine. Our lips found each other at once as she was pulled towards me and I kissed her passionately- My tongue moving with hers and my hand trailing down her chest to touch her slender body. She crawled to sit on top of me between my legs and I held her waist, not moving her lips away from mine.
Her hand found the back of my head and she pulled at it to push my lips deeper onto hers, then she laid down on the grass, pulling me down on top of her by my collar and I let her- pressing my body against hers.
She held onto the back of my head, running her hand through my hair as I kissed her with the same burning passion as before. My lips left hers and I slowly left a trail of kisses along her jawline and down her neck, feeling her heart pound against my lips- my hand moving further down her body and belt as I touched her thigh and she rubbed her leg against mine.
I looked back into her eyes, her face was blazing red and she was still breathing as heavily as I was. I caressed her cheek and leaned in again slowly this time- kissing her lips softly for a second before leaning back.
All the while the wild butterflies in my stomach never went away.
"I'll never get tired of kissing and touching you" I whispered against her lips.
She just stared at me, speechless. I stared back into her eyes, melting into her reflection.
"Please stay with me forever" she said, cupping my cheeks.
I closed my eyes and put my head on her chest, feeling it move with every breath and listening to her erratically pounding heart as she caressed my hair gently with her fingers.
"I love you" I whispered
"I love you" she whispered back.
I stayed in that posture, listening to the relaxing beat of her heart and not wanting to leave the meadow as I felt like I grew attached to it as if it was my home, but in truth my home was wherever she was and I wanted this moment to last forever.
I felt like my eyes were getting heavy and the sounds of her heart and nature around me were a bit too relaxing- I was drifting off to sleep.
"Baby?" I asked with a heavy heart, hearing hers skip a beat.
"Yes" she whispered.
"It's almost late evening, I think I should drive you home unless you want to sleep here with me tonight" I said before I yawned reflexively "I'm drifting off to sleep already"
"I'd love to sleep here with you tonight" she said.
"I mean I'm not opposed to it but don't you think your bed is warmer?" I asked "You haven't eaten anything today either which worries me"
She sighed "I suppose you're right and it's time to go home"
I sat up reluctantly and she sat up next to me on her knees, resting her hands on her legs. I brushed her hair away from her face and leaned in to kiss her lips slowly. My heart began pounding again as I got consumed in her and lost myself in the sensation of her lips once more, kissing her for a long moment.
I leaned away and smiled at her, she blushed intensely and looked down.
"I hope you'll never get tired of me kissing you like that" I said
She breathed heavily as she stared into my eyes "I don't think I will" she breathed "You make me feel.."
"Obsessed?" I laughed
"Intoxicated" she corrected, still staring into my eyes.
"Well it seems like we're on the same page then" I said, letting myself get mesmerised by her eyes before I finally stood up.
I said my goodbyes to the meadow by glancing back at it once more then we ventured back into the dark forest.
The hike on the way back through the darkness was scary and the forest that spread out around us felt creepily black, gloomy and sinister especially because I couldn't see anything in its depths.
I felt embarrassed by how much I was squeezing and holding onto her hand as a grown- at least where I was from grown man who was mildly scared of the dark empty woods and what might have been lurking in the shadows.
I looked at her sideways and she didn't seem to be phased by the darkness as much, but she was still holding onto my hand tightly.
"Do you ever feel like someone might be watching you in a dark empty place like this- ready to attack you?" I asked, teasing her but I got shivers down my back by thinking about it.
She squeezed my hand and swallowed, her face turning pale.
"I'd rather not think about that"
"I think about it all the time" I said "I'm kind of scared of the dark" I admitted reluctantly.
"Don't worry I'll protect you" she giggled.
I smiled widely "You're so adorable when you're trying to protect me"
"I just want to keep you safe" she mumbled "Especially from Edward" her cheeks coloured red.
I leaned in and kissed her cheek "I love you" I paused, as cute as I thought she was the fact that she kept saying self sacrificing things like these scared me tremendously.
"But let me keep you safe from Edward, okay?"
She nodded but my anxiety wasn't eased.
I was more relieved than ever that I went to the wolves yesterday and the realisation that wouldn't let her do anything stupid made my worries fade away a bit.
Just like before I helped her step over trees, a lot more slowly and carefully this time since the trunks were hard to see- so I held her waist as I lifted her up and carried her over them.
I noticed she was getting tired and slowing her pace and got an idea that would make the way back go a lot faster if we were able to walk at my usual speed.
"Do you want me to carry you?"
She blushed "If you want"
We stopped walking and I turned towards her.
"In my arms or on my back?" I asked "Your choice, miss"
"In your arms" she muttered quietly.
"As you wish" I said and grabbed her legs, sweeping her off her feet and lifting her up into my arms.
She squealed and giggled as she was lifted into the air and she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, her blush deepening from the sudden close proximity.
I held her back and legs for support, holding her close to me as I continued our hike and she stared at me for a moment before nestling her head into my neck and purring contently.
Suddenly I felt her soft lips give kisses down my neck and I bit my lip.
"If you don't want me to put you down and make love to you in the middle of the woods then you should stop doing that" I chuckled
She hid her face into my neck "What if I want you to do that?" She whispered, her warm breath resting on my neck.
"Trust me" I said "Every fiber of my body wants to make love to you and it's extremely hard to resist"
She took a deep breath as we continued to walk in silence for another hour and she slowly drifted off into a light sleep in my arms. Suddenly I was feeling at ease in the dark forest until I reached the end and came across the small wooden marker, her truck parked nearby.
"We have arrived at your destination miss Swan" I joked playfully and she laughed as I put her down on the ground in front of her truck.
She yawned and rubbed her eyes before looking up at me.
"Where are we?" She said as she turned around and hit her head hard against the rear view mirror.
"Ouch" she exclaimed as she grabbed her forehead, rubbing it to feel if there was a lump.
"Are you okay baby?" I chuckled at her clumsiness but I was feeling genuinely worried and examined her forehead before giving a kiss on the spot where she hit herself.
Her cheeks got red "I'm an idiot"
"You are an idiot" I confirmed and laughed as I arranged and straightened her hair.
She laughed and tried to open the car door, noticing it was locked. She reached for the keys in the pocket of her jeans and I moved to stand in front of the door.
"What are you doing now?" She sighed, annoyed at my antics.
"You should let me drive"
"Are you insane?" She protested, raising her eyebrow and gripping her fingers around the keys in her pocket. She clearly didn't like my overprotectiveness or the idea of me driving her truck. Or she was just teasing me, it was hard to read her sometimes.
"Insanity is me letting you drive when you shouldn't, for multiple reasons" I paused with a sigh "How are you feeling?"
"I can't be sure" she replied "I'm still woozy"
"It's decided then, I'll drive" I said opening my hand for the keys.
Her hands curled more tightly around her keys and she pursed her lips, shaking her head with a grin.
"Nope. Not a chance" she replied deliberately and stepped around me to try and reach for the door at the driver's side but she wobbled slightly and I catched her to steady her on her feet.
"See this is why you shouldn't drive" I paused "You're tired, hit your head like the silly klutz you are and above all you're intoxicated" I chuckled.
"Intoxicated?" She asked, raising her eyebrow "I'm not drunk"
"Not from alcohol" I laughed "You intoxicated by my presence, you told me yourself" I grinned.
"I can't argue with that" she sighed "But I'm still driving, so let me pass" she groaned frustratingly as she tried desperately to reach past me again.
I grabbed her face and held it with both hands as I caressed her cheeks and pressed my lips softly on hers. She let out a long sigh, relaxing her body and leaned into the kiss.
I slowly leaned back and smiled, seeing her blush.
"W-what was that for?" she stammered, still reeling from the sudden kiss.
"Do you still want to drive, Isabella?" I asked as I held my hand out again.
She took a deep breath as she stared into my eyes then held the key high and dropped it into my hand. "Take it easy-my truck is a senior citizen" she said and I laughed at the sudden shift in her mood
"Will do, miss" I said playfully as I got into the drivers seat and unlocked the door for her.
"Seatbelt" I reminded her "Safety first"
She sighed and complied then leaned against the window to stare at the dusk colours of the sky as I started the roaring engine and drove back to Forks.
"Do you have any complains about our day together before I bring you home, miss Swan?" I asked playfully as I looked over to her.
"No" she giggled "But if you do anything to hurt my truck then I'll hold it against you for the rest of your life"
I laughed "No worries, I'll take care of your grandpa like the senior citizen he is"
"Good" she sighed.
"You're cute when you're angry, by the way" I mumbled.
She blushed as she continued to stare out of the windows and we drove in silence for the most part. I enjoyed the patches of open sky that allowed us to look into the back abyss of the universe with the many bright stars that shone in our galaxy. Clouds were threatening to evade at any moment.
"Is your dad home tonight?" I asked.
She shook her head "No, he left for a fishing trip this weekend"
"In that case" I sighed "I think I should stay over the night to make sure you're safe and protected"
"You mean stay over as in sleep together I-in my bed" she stammered, flustered.
"Yes" I laughed "Do you think we can't behave?"
"You know how hard it is for us to keep our hands off of each other" she blushed.
"I'm sure we'll be fine"
In my mind I wasn't sure we'd be fine at all. I didn't know how much things would escalate if we were laying in bed with each other.. in an empty house with nothing to stop us from crossing borders besides my own ability to stop myself.
I didn't know how much I was going to let my feelings, desire and intense yearning for her overcloud my emotions and decisions, but it was going to take an insane amount of self control.
We arrived at her house and I walked with her as I suddenly felt a raindrop coming from the sky and falling on my face. We ducked under the porch of her house as it started to rain more heavily.
She grabbed the key underneath the doormat before unlocking the door.