CHAPTER THIRTEEN

( BLAST FROM THE PAST )

QUINN'S EYES BURN as they strain to watch the video on the small screen of her phone. Usually, she'd watch videos on her computer but, S.H.I.E.L.D. isn't too fond of opening up web browsers and letting in potential hackers.

She peers out of the corner of her eye at Steve who is yawning already. The video wasn't the best, and it wasn't the shortest or the greatest topic. She watches as he scribbles stuff down in his tiny black notebook, an item that he seemed to be overly fond of.

He notices her looking over at him and he gives her a small smile before returning his attention back to the video. She can't help but get riles up as she thinks of Maddox's words from their time that they spent at the Smithsonian.

Steve had a good heart, he was rational, he cared about others, she couldn't imagine letting a 'football player' - as Maddox had put it - come in here every night to learn about things that happened in the past. Nor would she think a football player like super soldier would even want to, especially since they wouldn't have the patience to do so.

"Learning anything?" she questions Steve as she returns to working on the code she was working on. He hums in response, looking down at his notes. "Just about Watergate. It's interesting," he answers, trying his best not to sound too bored but fails.

She leans back and presses pause on the video, causing him to let out a soft sigh of relief. She turns towards him to look directly into his eyes, her lips pressed into a thin line as she tries to phrase what's on her mind. "I went to the Smithsonian this weekend with my roommate and her boyfriend and another guy," she states, leaning on her elbow.

His brows raise at her statement, he nods in acknowledgment not knowing where this is leading. "I went through your exhibit," A chuckle ripples out of him. "Oh yeah?" he questions, watching her nod her head. "I learned a lot about you. Have you gone?"

"Not yet," he informs her. "Haven't had the chance to,"

"It's nice," she replies, awkwardly shifting her eyes to the floor. She doesn't know how to approach the subject that she wants to bring up, she doesn't know if she even should. "Is everything all right?" he asks her, concern flashing across his face.

Quinn shakes her head to snap out of it, returning his gaze with a smile. "Yeah I just, I learned so much about you, I feel like I know you better. I know it's public information but I feel like I need to tell you about myself. To deepen this student-teacher friendship we have to like friend friends," she admits, biting her lip as she listens to him chuckle again.

"Friend friends?" he repeats for clarification. "Quinn, all that information is public, if you wanted to know you could've asked or you could've gone to the Smithsonian. You just had to ask,"

"I didn't feel like prying. I figured you tell your story all the time that you'd get sick of it. I didn't want to push you away with my questions," she admits. He shrugs his shoulders. "I'm an open book,"

"So tell me about your last mission," she tests him. "I'm not that open, I have obligations," he smiles at her trick.

Quinn snaps her fingers, as she sits back in her seat, swiveling around in her chair before looking back at him. She jokes saying she thought she had him.

"In all seriousness, I feel like I know a lot about you now and you don't know anything about me," she announces, pressing her hands to her chest to emphasize what she was saying.

He smiles at her but protests. "You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. You have a choice,"

"I appreciate that but, I feel like I have to tell you at least something. It'll help me feel better," she inclines, placing her hand on his. His lips press into a thin line as he looks up at her. He holds the gaze for a moment, looking at her endearingly, as he sees that it's bugging her. There's pain behind her eyes that he's never really noticed before.

He lets out a sigh before he nods his head in agreement. Quinn takes in a deep breath as she tries to find the right words for her story. She runs a hand across her face as she lets out a sigh. She gazes into his eyes again, they display concern as she waits to tell him. "I had a brother,"

"Had?"

"Yes, I had a brother," she says with a small grin. "His name was Max. He was seven years older than me and he was excited to have me around unlike most sibling relationships. We were best friends up until he grew into a teenager. You know how moody they can be. He started to view me as a nuisance but he was always there for me when I had bad days,"

"He used to play guitar whenever I was in a bad mood, and tell me that I was valid. He'd threaten to beat anyone up who bullied me. We were army brats, our dad was in the military so we kept moving from place to place. When I was eight I remember going camping in West Virginia with my family and I actually had to rushed to the hospital because Max and I were heading to a lake and to get to the lake you had to cross this log and there was a rock at the other end and I got my foot stuck between it and Max has to pry my foot out and help me back to camp. My dad was mad,"

Her face goes from a happy smiling face to a tense almost depressing look that overcomes her face. She averts her eyes from him at this point. Feeling the pinpricking of tears stinging her eyes.

"I was ten, I was in bed when the police came knocking at our door with the news. He was driving with a friend and a drunk driver got them. He was only seventeen, he was too young to be taken. My mom lost her mind after that, literally," Quinn's breathing becomes ragged as she begins to think about the funeral and her mother.

"She checked out mentally. I've had my ups and downs with her. I was angry with her but now I'm somewhat understanding of her. She confuses me as Max sometimes and it kills me," she bites down on her lips, to refrain herself from pouring her tears out in the office. She close to losing it.

"She has early onset dementia, so, she's in a hospital in New York. The bills have been getting so damn high that I've had to work overtime to support myself and my mom,"

"What about your dad?"

"K.I.A. Afghanistan," she replies quickly. "He knew that the job he chose came with that risk, it doesn't mean the blow wasn't hard on my mother and I. That's really what strained my relationship with her," she goes on to tell. "I promised her that I wouldn't do anything dangerous while she was around, and I haven't had the time to do anything since I have to worry about her and my roommate,"

"Have you ever just taken care of yourself?"

"I did when I was little and my dad was sent overseas for periods of time after my brother passed, that's how he overcame it. My mother closed herself off. I was forced to grow up and take care of myself," she hesitantly bites down on her thumb as she thinks of her mother.

"I blamed her a lot for how I was. I still believe I have every right to, I even went to the lengths of completing my college degree in law enforcement. But I realized I was being selfish, and stupid. I was blind to see that she was hurting just as much too," she sighs deeply as she pinches the bridge of her nose.

"This can't leave the room or this lesson at all. I don't need pity parties from everyone, including you," she snaps her fingers into pointing at him as he opened his mouth to console her. "I've had enough pity parties to last me for the rest of my life, Rogers, I just need a friend,"

"That's why I'm here," he speaks up, catching her attention. She gazes at him to see sorrow filled eyes yet he smiles and doesn't dwell on the topic like most people she knows. Instead, he offers her the comfort of him just lightly squeezing her hand, letting her know everything will be all right.

"If I ever get overbearing about your missions," she trails off, her gaze finding it's way to the linoleum floor. "You haven't been and you won't be. I'll try my best to make sure I'm careful. I always do," he informs her, as she lightly chuckles rubbing her eyes clear of any tears.

Watching her do so makes his heart sink a bit. She was never the type to even portray that she had a hard upbringing, she was always so nice, so positive, but now that she mentioned it she was always a little closed off to him. He understood why now.

"So how was hanging out with your friends then?" he asks trying to change the subject, he didn't want to make her feel even worse than what she already was.

She shrugs her shoulders in a lame attempt to answer earning a forward look from him as he pries for a better answer. "Jo wants to call it a date," she says softly. Steve's hands absentmindedly grip tighter onto his thigh.

"Joe? What's he like?" he asks, earning an eye roll from Quinn. "Jo is my roommate, not my date. Actually, she's the one who convinced me to go on this 'date'." she clarifies, quoting the word with her fingers.

She scoffs at the thought of Maddox being her date again. "Ah," he hums out. "Then how was your 'date'?" he questions. "Do you like him?"

Quinn let's out a way laugh at the question. "Maddox is very conceited. I have this weird love-hate thing with him." she tries to explain, earning a confused look from Steve. "On one hand is a bashful, goofy person who is extremely good looking and has a crush on me," she sticks her left hand out flat.

"On the other hand, he is a closed minded and just irritatingly cocky person, who offended me on the 'date'," she explains sticking out the palm of her right hand.

Steve hums as he crosses his arms, leaning backward in the swivel chair, it squeaks under the weight. "What'd he do to offend you?" He inclines, watching Quinn's cheeks light up in embarrassment.

"Uh, you know," she stammers, leaning back in her chair to copy Steve as she thinks of a good excuse. He smiles as he watches her face become completely red as she becomes flustered.

"That's not really important," she dismisses quickly trying to change the subject. "The more important issue is have you been on a date since you came back?" she blurts out randomly.

She winces as she watches the confused expression cross his face, she came off very straightforward. She mentally slapped herself for the question. "You sound like Romanoff and Norris," he chuckles as his eyes now find their way to the floor and then looks back up at her embarrassed gaze.

"To tell you the truth, I haven't thought about dating since leaving the ice," he admits. For some reason, Quinn feels her heart deflating - out if relief or from being her she isn't sure. "I left that life behind when I laid my life down into the ice, I don't think I'm ready for anything in the present or the future," he shrugs.

Quinn nods her head as she takes in the information. She notes that even though he says he's happy and fine not dragging anyone with him into a relationship he looks sad but just by a twinge. "I can understand that," she speaks up, catching him off guard.

"Weirdly enough I do. I don't want to bring anyone into my life as well, it's chaos. Anyone who'd have me would have to be crazy enough to deal with everything in my life," she sighs. "I'm damaged goods," she tries to give him an apathetic smile but ultimately fails as she watches him analyze her facial features.

She watches his jaw clench at the word 'damaged goods', he looks tense at the phrase. He shakes his head before looking at her. "Thank you," he mumbles out. "For telling me everything, for understanding why I have no one,"

Quinn's lips press into a firm line, her hand instinctively grasps his tightly catching him off guard. "You don't have 'no one', you have me as your friend and I'm sure you have more," Quinn coaxes with a small smile.

"But I don't think anyone should end up alone. Including you, Cap. You must never give up on hope," Steve tries his best not to roll his eyes as he listens to her. He's been told that there's hope all his life, why would finding anyone to share that with the matter or even be a source of hope? Quinn decides not to push him further as she watches how cold he acts towards the subject. Instead, she continues the video for him as she returns to coding.

The next time she speaks anything meaningful to him it's as they stand in the elevator on their way up to the main floor after everything had been locked up. Usually, by this time, the main floor was dimly lit, and no one except for the occasional scientist would stroll through. She exits the elevator with Steve still standing in it, he had to go to a different floor before leaving, something about safety protocols, even though he wanted to be there with Quinn in case something happened to her in the parking lot.

On some occasions, people would get mugged in the parking lot or at least attempt to not knowing if someone is an agent. She turns her attention to him, holding the doors open as she lets out a soft sigh while dropping her eyes to the ground.

She had just told him everything and now he won't stop looking at her like she was injured. "You'll find somebody," she says in a low voice. She watches as his brows raise in question at the statement, he could easily protest but he doesn't.

Instead, he continues to give her a soft gaze, a small smile appearing on his lips as she says, "I have hope,"