CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

( THE COLD SHOULDER )

ANXIETY WAS ALWAYS the first feeling she felt when the quinjets came in, toting agents on and off their heavy frames. She was anxious to see if Steve would actually step off the quinjets if he did her mood would instantly change like it normally did but something in her gut screamed that something was wrong.

She could barely pay attention to the lunch tray that sat in front of her as she stared out into the hangar from the canteen, let alone pay the slightest attention to what Dustin and Jack were blabbering about. She nods her head every so often to convey that she was actually in the conversation but in reality, her head was somewhere else.

She tried her best not to get her hopes up as the quinjet releases its hatch to let nothing but normal agents flood out. She knew that his missions could take up to days at a time, she didn't want to jinx herself by wishing he was here.

Even if he were she wouldn't know how to act. Although, she thought of him often something in her mind recently changed the way she perceived him.

Something told her that he was dangerous and not to be trusted, even though she whole-heartedly wanted to trust him. This new guard she put up was unreasonable but there was no way she could put it down. She had fear instilled upon her but she was unsure what he had done to cause her to be afraid of him or to even consider him a threat.

There's a slam on the table that causes Quinn to jump out of her seat, her heart thumps wildly as she clutches on to her chest. She looks to see a concerned Dustin looking up at her, hand sprawled across the table. "Are you okay?" he questions, his voice on edge. "I didn't mean to scare you, I was just showing how hard I had to hit my door to get it shut," he tries to convince her with a sheepish grin.

Her cheeks become hot as her breathing becomes irregular. She had no idea what had triggered that response in her. She hadn't been introduced to any trauma that made her jumpy like this, nor did she understand why she was now somewhat terrified of Steve.

She gruffly shakes her head, clearing her thoughts as she lets out a tentative sigh. "I have to go," she huffs out, quickly turning on her heel. By the time Dustin protests to ask where she's leaving she already throwing away her lunch tray and heading out the door.

She had no interest in sticking around to see if Steve had shown up or not, she didn't think it'd be a good idea at the moment. Her thoughts never seem to end, they were getting louder and louder until they were screaming that Steve was a threat.

She had to pause and think if he actually was a threat. He saved all of New York, put his life on the line to save the world, he went on missions to help people, why all of a sudden did he seem like a criminal?

Her eyes stay trained on the ground as she tries to find the nearest bathroom, hoping to conceal her face that was redder than a tomato. She lets out a suppressed sigh as she narrowly dives into a bathroom stall, gripping at her head which was throbbing.

Steve wasn't a threat, he wasn't dangerous, he wouldn't hurt her if anything he'd protect her as he did with Maddox. Yet she still felt like she was in danger when she thought of him. She shakes her head to clear her thoughts of anything about Steve.

He's not a threat, her mind chants repeatedly. The pressure she applies to her temples feels good as she also takes in and breaths out several deep breaths - a method she had developed to deal with stress after the passing of her brother. If only her mother dealt with it that way. Maybe she wouldn't have all the stress of pinching pennies then.

Her mind ignites as she tries to pinpoint a reason as to why she thought Steve was a threat. He wasn't; it was just the stress getting to her. The conversation she had had with Doctor Woodruff must've really messed with her head if she was registering Steve as a threat.

A pent up sigh of relief escapes her lips as she relaxed, her mind no longer felt as if it were on fire. Instead of thinking he was a threat now, she was more excited to see him once he returned from the mission. She claws her way out of the bathroom stall, she finds none other than Blair leaning up against the sink.

Her presence made Quinn jump in surprise, she thought she was the only one in the restroom. "You're like a ghost, I didn't hear anyone in here," she mutters out as she heads to the sink next to Blair. The agent rolls her eyes as she crosses her arms, an annoyed gaze resting on her face.

"Part of the job," she easily replies, her tone was low yet it held no sign of annoyance, unlike her expression. Quinn primps herself in the mirror, purposely ignoring Blair's glare. She didn't want to get into a lecture with her.

Not here, not now, especially in a public restroom that could be accessed by everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D. Her involvement with Steve was supposed to be kept low, to not cause a stir or a shift in the dynamic at S.H.I.E.L.D. as Fury delicately put it, unless she wanted to see more scientists becoming agents; receptionists becoming pilots, that kind of shift.

Blair was part of the deal when it came to the secrecy of her agreement with Fury, who would have her head if anyone figured out what was happening. "Do you regularly come into the bathroom to glare at people?" Quinn questions as wipes an eyelash away from her eye. "Only people who are in distress," Blair responds making Quinn let out a wry laugh. "You think I'm in distress?"

"I know you're in distress," Blair corrects her, sizing her up as she lifts herself away from the sink to continue to glare at her trainee. Quinn copies her movements, a little less confidently, crossing her arms across her chest and sizing her up, only to be a couple of inches shorter than her.

She fidgets uncomfortably under her gaze as she scans her features. Quinn doesn't know whether she's planning to attack her or something else but the strict frown on her face implies that she's still irritated.

"You have dark circles under your eyes, your posture is rigid, and you seem more hostile than usual. Your body language is suggesting you have recently suffered from a traumatic event,"

"Body language?"

Blair places her hands on her hips and rolls her eyes. Quinn becomes irritated by this as she realizes she in for a lecture that she wasn't in the mood for. Take that for body language.

"As part of an agent, you have to read a person's body language. What they say may or may not be true but there are certain tricks to help distinguish truth from lie," Blair informs her.

Quinn hesitates for a moment as she continues to eye her instructor, hoping that no one would come in the restroom at any given time. Couldn't she have done this when they were training? Why did she have to lecture her now? She lets out a deep sigh.

"Well, I haven't suffered any tragic event recently, other than this conversation and how full of yourself you sound," she informs Blair, a small smirk playing on her lips as she watches Blair's temper get the better of her.

Her face varied from calm and analytical to annoyed within mere seconds. "Watch it, Cruise," Blair warns, earning a scoff from her trainee. "Between you and Rogers I don't know who's sassier today," she adds drawing Quinn's attention. "You guys are perfect for each other,"

"Rogers?" Quinn questions, grabbing on to Blair's arm so she wouldn't leave. Blair smirks, she finally got her where she wanted her. Directly between her heartstrings. "Yeah," she simply says, pursing her lips as she turns to face her trainee once again.

Quinn shakes her head once again to clear her thoughts as she tries to process how she could look like she suffered from a recent traumatic event. She had been stressed, she may have taken things a bit too far with Blair. "Look, I'm sorry, I'm a little stressed," Quinn tries to explain. "But what about Steve being sassy? When did you last see him?"

"Oh he came in last night," Blair answers nonchalantly checking her nails in the process. "Came in this morning really mad, demanding to speak with Fury,"

Quinn's heartfelt deflated. He usually sent her a message that he returned from a mission well and unharmed. She had been worrying about him all day, only to find out that he was already home.

Blair did mention that he was angry, perhaps his anger got the best of him and he forgot to message her. It was out of the ordinary for their dynamic now. She felt like they had become so close. "You didn't know?" Blair questions in a coy tone, watching Quinn's face become sour with emotions.

"I figured. That's why I wanted to let you know," she adds, rolling her eyes in the process. She heads to leave the restroom, telling Quinn she'd leave her be. However, she pauses as she reaches the door, turning back on her heel to see Quinn's face still cross with confusion.

"No training tomorrow, I'm headed off on a mission," she informs her. Quinn nods her head once as she tries to compose herself and tries to stop thinking about Steve not letting her know he's home. "No tearful good-byes?" Blair teases, hoping to lighten up the mood.

Quinn rips her eyes from the ground to Blair, who winces at how distraught she was getting. "Good luck," Quinn says, all the emotion void from her voice. She gnaws on her bottom lip as Blair exits the restroom.

She had never seen Steve upset before but Blair obviously had with how she was so nonchalant about it. Her mind was filled with possibilities as to why he'd be upset from his mission.

Did he fail? Did someone die? Is this what her mind had been telling her? To stay away from him because he was mad? No, that's not true, Steve wouldn't hurt her.

But she couldn't shake the feeling of being hurt. Maybe he hadn't hurt her physically like her mind was playing out or warning her he was going to do, but he had hurt her emotionally.

He knew how much she worried about these missions and why she would worry, usually, he kept up on it and didn't let her go a couple of hours after he got back but this was more than twelve hours later.

She needed to talk to him, she needed to tell someone about the strange dream she had last night or else she fears it may burn a bigger hole in her mind than the worry for Steve.

Quinn inhales a deep breath once again as she peers down at her phone, she hadn't even noticed that she had whipped it out from her back pocket. She absentmindedly jumps when she hears the door open to the restroom, quickly looking up to see who the intruders were. Kara and Lillian, with the hole of her lip ring showing.

Quinn gives them a nod in acknowledgment as they both give her a standoffish look. Her cheeks burn with embarrassment, she didn't mean to get caught staring off into space. As she leaves the restroom she can hear them snarkily giggling to themselves about her and how weird she was acting.

~BOOK ONE: THE WINTER SOLDIER~

SUNLIGHT SEEMS TO seep between the creases of Quinn's folded arms and into her eyes, making it difficult for her to relax. She huffs out a sigh of frustration, rubbing the sides of her head. Work had given her a killer headache along with the paranoia of why Steve hasn't contacted her yet.

Was he mad at her?

Her thoughts seemed to be running at a mile a minute, conclusions being jumped to in a moment's notice. It took a lot of strength from her to not pick up the phone and relentlessly ask him a million questions.

A soft pawing taps on her forearm, dragging it away from her face. Irritation blinds her for a moment as the sunlight goes directly in her sight until her eyes fixate on the golden retriever sitting beside her.

Rudolph sniffs her hand for a moment before turning his attention back to her, whining. She rolls her eyes at the dog. She hadn't taken him on his walk yet, nor did she feel like she had the energy to take him on one. She had strictly been avoiding the Washington Monument's park for good reason, and that was to specifically avoid Maddox.

However, she couldn't just lap Rudolph around the complex once and call it good, he had recently become insufferably annoying because of how short his walks were.

She just couldn't get Steve out of her mind.

Her fingers intertwine in the golden locks of the dog, forcing herself to let him in order to calm herself. "Not today, bud," she whispers out, her voice cracking in the process.

A slight knocking startles both of them, causing them to simultaneously look over towards the entrance of the bedroom. Rudolph began wagging his tail, but Quinn's head became dizzy with anxiety as she scanned the look on Jo's face.

It wasn't joyful like it usually was, it was almost mournful, depressed. She had noticed that Quinn had been acting strange lately but she hadn't asked what was wrong, she knew she'd only be shut out. "Can we talk for a sec?" Jo asks, gnawing at her bottom lip for a moment.

Quinn breaks eye contact momentarily as she huffs out a long sigh, she didn't want to deal with anyone today. She just wanted to wallow in her own self-pity. She grunts as she pushes Rudolph off from on top of her and staggers towards the bedroom door, grasping at her head in the process to make the room stop swirling.

Jo throws her a concerned look, the hundredth one she's received today. Instead of shooting her a dirty look like she had the others, her eyes dropped to the floor, as if she didn't want to look at Jo while she was like this.

She followed Jo's soft footsteps out into the living area, coming to a halt at the island of the kitchen where Josh sits across the way from her in a barstool. Jo took his side naturally, but Quinn braced herself against the opposite end to distant herself away. She didn't need his concerning gaze as well.

She watches Jo as she picks up a folded piece of paper, looking to Josh for a moment and then slides it to the middle of the island. Quinn looks at the paper quizzically. In bold letters at the top reads "Tenant Lease Agreement" and then her gut drops.

Their lease was expiring, but not only is it expiring, if they were to resign the lease the rent is going up. "Oh, shit," Quinn whispers to herself. Jo sucks in a deep breath before pulling the paper away so she can focus on her. "We've lived together for how many years now?" Jo asks.

"About five years," Quinn answers meekly, shrugging her shoulders. She can see Josh holding onto Jo's hand, gripping it tightly for support. Something that she had done at one point when she would come home from a failed date or when she got her job at Starbucks.

"I don't know how to say this," Jo hesitates, as cheap smile coming across her face - a lame attempt she did to stop from crying. Josh whispers words of encouragement up to her, not loud enough for Quinn to hear but whatever she is going to say makes it hard for her to breathe.

"I've been seeing Josh for a while now, and we want to take things to the next level. I was thinking of moving in with him," Jo quickly rambles off. There's the nail in the coffin on today for Quinn.

On the outside she reacts fine, a small smile playing on her lips as she looks at the two but it feels like a bullet has gone straight through her heart. They weren't going to live together forever but it still hurts to hear her say she's moving on while she's stuck in the same place. Not to mention how much money she's going to have to shell out just for rent and her mother now.

Jo's lips are asking questions but Quinn cannot hear them, the world has become fairly fuzzy for her, she can't tell if it's from the tears that were starting to build up or if it was a side effect of how she was feeling today.

Jo crosses towards her but Quinn takes several steps back away from Jo to stay away from her touch. "That's great news for you, I'm happy for you, I-I really am," Quinn stammers out, after finding her voice. "But I really don't feel well, so I'm just going to go to bed if you guys don't mind," she tries to excuse herself while Jo states her name in protest.

She accidentally backs into Rudolph, who doesn't yelp or whine, he merely pants and looks up at her, tail wagging. She tries her best to not look at him. She wasn't supposed to get too attached to the damn dog but here she was about to spill over because she'd miss his dopey face.

"Congratulations!" she calls out to the couple before backing her way into her bedroom and firmly pulling the door shut. She can't even make it to her bed before she feels the tears start rolling down her cheeks. She slides down the length of the door, coming to a stop as she hits the wooden floor.

Her hands intertwine themselves around the back of her head and her knees pull close to her chest so she can bury her face. She felt happy for Jo, she was moving forward with her life like she had been pushing her to do but, she never realized it would hurt this much to let someone go.

It was like ending a relationship with someone. Or at least that's what it felt like to her. A five-year-long relationship, where you live in comfort with one another even if it's in silence, where the littlest things that one or the other does can make the biggest difference in the others day to day life.

They were there to cheer each other up when they felt down, they were there to lean on each other, help each other out. But Jo had found someone new to do that with. Why hadn't she? "What am I going to do?"

~BOOK ONE: THE WINTER SOLDIER~

THE GOOD NEWS is that now if she thought of Steve she didn't go into a state of anxiety on why he hadn't told her he was home. She couldn't focus on him anymore.

All she could think of was Jo abandoning her. Even though she wasn't technically abandoning her since she gave her notice, it still felt like that to her. Five years just went up in flames so fast. She tried to shake the thoughts of where Jo was completely ruining their friendship. She wasn't. She was just moving on.

If anything it was Quinn's fault for not moving on. She wasn't too big to admit that she was jealous of what Jo and Josh had. A shoulder to lean on, someone to protect and have them protect her. There was her small crush on Steve but she wasn't sure if it would be developing further since he was breaking their deal at the moment by not telling her he was home from a mission.

It was somewhat of a breach of trust. However, she couldn't help but picture herself with Steve like how Jo and Josh were.

If they were together and she had gotten that letter. Would they have moved in together? Would he be the one gripping her hand and whispering words of encouragement to her as she told Jo she was moving on with her life? Would he throw Jo concerned looks as she backed away with her mouth open like a fish out of water?

Quinn groans loudly as she places the pillow she was laying on over her face. She didn't know if Jo and Josh were even still here but she didn't feel like going out to the living room to check. She never wanted to leave this room.

If she stayed like this forever then nothing would happen, Jo wouldn't move out, she wouldn't have to say goodbye to Rudolph. She also wouldn't be able to talk to Steve or go to work or see her mother in the hospital and pay for her bills.

Two out of the four sound fine to her, but she wasn't ready to stop being friends with Steve. Or Jo for that matter. She perks her head out from under the pillow to look at the time on her phone: twenty hundred.

She tosses the pillow off of her face as she latches on to the phone. She sniffles as she unplugs it from its charger and rolls over to her side, scrolling through it until she finds Steve's name in the call log.

She hesitates for a moment, just staring at the name. Blair had said that he was in a bad mood today, that he was huffy, demanding to speak with Fury.

She pushes that aside and hits the green phone button anyway, laying her phone up to her ear and listening to the dial tone ring. It rang, and rang, and rang until his voicemail kicked in and told her to leave a message.

She quickly swiped the phone from her ear and ended the call, sighing heavily in the process and pressing her face down into her pillow again to let out a muffled, frustrated groan.

She'd try him again tomorrow if she didn't see him at work. She instantly remembers that Blair is off on a mission so she can't see him at work unless there's some sort of secret communication.

Suddenly her phone vibrates in her hand alerting her of a call. She raises her head her pillow quickly to see that Steve was calling her. Her heart leaps as she quickly flips over to her back and taps the green call button.

"Hello?" she answers. "Hey," his voice sounds out of breath on the other end of the receiver. "I'm sorry I missed your call,"

Quinn sits up in bed, trying to find a comfortable way to talk to him on the phone. "It's fine," she answers shortly. "I was just calling to check on you. Blair said you had gotten in from your mission last night and I haven't heard from you. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay,"

"Well, in laments terms, yes, I guess everything is okay. I'm okay if that's what you're getting at,"

"Blair said you came in huffy and angry today,"

"Did she now?"

"She did," she trails off letting the line go silent on her end. It's silent for several moments before Steve decides to speak up. "I'm sorry I didn't let you know, I was just...busy,"

"You don't need to explain yourself," Quinn brushes off. "I was a little upset earlier but then I had to push it aside for worse news,"

"What's that?"

Quinn's jaw clenches at the thought of Jo leaving her alone once again, letting the line go silent. "I'd rather not talk about it right now," she explains in a low voice. It hurts her too much to even speak about it out loud to someone. How was she going to let Jo go? "So what'd you do all day?" she asks, trying to change the subject quickly.

"Oh, you know," Steve chides. "I went to the Smithsonian, learned a lot about...me," This makes Quinn chuckle a bit, something that she needed to do. She listens to him chuckle over the receiver as well. "I caught up with...an old friend of mine, and I saw a new friend today. Now I'm standing in front of my apartment building speaking to you,"

"You haven't been home all day? I can let you go," Quinn quickly states, feeling the heat of embarrassment spread across her cheeks. "I just wanted to talk to a friend besides...Jo,"

"Are you guys in another pointless argument? Like the one that you guys had a few weeks ago? What was it over again?"

"She took one of my shirts and used it to dye her hair in it, that was not a pointless argument,"

"It sounded silly to try to end your friendship over,"

"But it didn't,"

"But it didn't," Steve reiterates. "So is whatever feud you guys are in right now going to be the end of your friendship?"

"It's not really a feud," she answers, hopping out of bed and pacing towards her window to look out at the sky which was still fading to a deep black with stars just hinting at twinkling in the sky.

"It's more of a life decision, that I'm happy about yet sad and I didn't know how to handle it," she rambles before hesitating. She couldn't tell him what it was regarding, her mouth felt dry every time she tried to talk about it.

"You'll figure it out then," Steve replies. "You have been best friends for years, you'll find a way to overcome whatever is happening because you care about each other," he hesitates for a moment before speaking up again. "Besides, if one of your worst arguments was about a t-shirt, I have faith that you'll figure this out,"

Quinn hums out a slight chuckle at the silly fight that they had gotten into, how Steve was witness to the whole thing and then forced them to overcome it while he was present. That day he was the teacher and she was the student.

There's a searing pain in her head for a moment as she thinks of the memory between her and Steve. Once again her mind is starting to register Steve as a threat and here she was on the phone with said threat. "Can I ask you something?" she questions Steve out of the blue, taking him back but then his brows furrow.

"Quinn, if this is that question, we've been over this already, I don't know anything about area sixty-three. Besides you already know aliens exist,"

"It's area fifty-one, and that's not what I was getting at but, okay," Quinn huffs out a sigh as she pinches the bridge of her nose in frustration as more flashes of Steve bring a threat runs through her mind. Her jaw is clenched so tight it feels as if it's going to snap as she opens her mouth to talk. "Would you ever put Jo or myself in danger?"

There's an audible scoff from the end of the receiver. She can't tell if she's offended him but there is a hesitance in the silence. "I would never knowingly put either of you in harm's way," he answers, sending a wave of relief through each one of her nerves that stood on edge. "Especially you,"

Her breath hitches at his statement, a new kind of blush sets itself amongst her cheeks. Her nerves stood back up again, each feeling electric like a live wire.

"Why? Did something happen?" his voice sounds defensive, interrogating, to say the least.

Quinn shakes the nervousness from her head, she didn't know when she had become too nervous to talk to him. "No, nothing happened," she answers quickly. "Just a strange thought, but I really should be getting to bed," she fakes a yawn, as she listens to Steve chuckle from the other side of the line.

She looks at her phone and then realizes that he's chuckling because it's so early to go to bed, she wants to slap herself but refrains from doing so. "Goodnight, Quinn,"