CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

( FORGET ME NOT )

THE INSISTENT BEEPING of the heart rate monitor gently awakens Quinn's senses. Her hearing is the first thing that comes to. Her mind processes that she's safe, that it's fine to open her eyes but her lids refuse to open. Instead, she swallows the lump in her throat while gently groaning. A throbbing pain in her head ceases any of her movement. Something crumples beside her bed, causing her to slightly stir at the sound.

All of her senses were slowly coming to, her sense of sound, her taste. She could feel something protruding in her right wrist that snakes all the way up her arm. Her fingers gently move along side the place she was laying in. The papery sheets feel different than the sheets that line her bed.

Once again she groans. She's not at home. The heart rate monitor picks up speed as she begins to panic in her half awake state.

"Quinn?" A voice calls out to her, along with more crumpling. The voice sounds familiar, feminine, however, she can't make out who it is at first. She struggles to catch her train of thought. Her brows furrow in concentration. "Hey," the voice calls out again.

She flinches as she feels a light touch encase her upper arm in reassurance. Her eyes bolt open at the touch, sending her breathing at a gasping pace. Her heart rate skyrockets as she's blinded by the bright florescent lights in the room.

At first she's dazed, her vision is doubled as she peers out of the room to see several nurses in scrubs accompanied by a couple of doctors in white coats. Her gaze peers over at the heart rate monitor as the beeping begins to slow down, she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She wasn't even sure if she was the one connected to it at first. One look towards her wrist at the I.V. piercing into her skin affirms that she's the one the monitor is for.

Her finger lace around the tube circling her head and forcing oxygen into her nose, the feel of it irritated her nostrils. A hand comes up to refrain her from what she's doing. Her hooded gaze lands on Jo's figure, her blue eyes filled with concern as she tugs on her hand. Quinn loosens her grip and smiles impishly towards her friend.

"You can't rip that out," Jo informs her - she associates her voice with the same that called out to her earlier. Quinn scans Jo's features. Her hand grips the magazine in her hand like a claw. Her eyes are sunken in and her lips remain in a permanent frown from worry. There's a slight bruise to the corner of her head. Quinn sits up as she notices this. Jo places a hand on her shoulder to force her to lay back down on the hospital bed. "You've been out for several hours, you need to lay down," Jo tries to coax her.

"What happened?" she questions as points towards the bruise on her head, causing Jo's lips press into a firm line.

"Let me explain," another voice offers from across the room. Quinn's eyes adjust on the figure leaning in the doorway of the room. Her cat-like features seem familiar but only vaguely. Her palms begin to sweat as the woman approaches the bedside. "Who are you?" Quinn questions just as Jo addresses her as Blair. This confuses Quinn. Had they met before? Was she one of Jo's awful friends from work?

Blair's half smile fades away to a small frown of disapproval. Her chocolate eyes throw her a look of pity and yet a hint of sadness shrouds her gaze. "You don't remember me?"

Quinn rakes her mind for a positive answer for the woman, something to reassure that she actually knew her but her memory evades her. She hated to disappoint people. She tries yet a second time, straining herself in the process and yet there are no memories of the beautiful woman peering down beside her. Quinn's lips press into a firm line as she shakes her head solemnly. The look of sadness streaks across the woman's face before she pulls up a chair from behind her, slouching into an almost relaxed position. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Quinn's brows furrow as her mind scrapes for yet another answer. There's bright flashes of what could be memories but they seem like dreams. Nothing about them screamed normal to her. They all seemed like something she wouldn't be inclined to do. She peers over towards her, something in the back of her mind tells her to be a bit guarded of the woman. "I remember jogging before work," Quinn answers as she remembers the morning vividly. She remembers the sun being in her eyes and pushing past Maddox for a short while. "Jo was there. It had been the first time in months. She's just gotten over a bad date,"

A sigh of frustration rips from Jo's throat, Quinn turns to see her friends head rest in her hands. She obviously upset about something. She can hear her sniffling. "That was months ago," Jo's voice is barely above a whisper

What?

Before Quinn can even open her mouth to say something, the woman - Blair - speaks up.

"Looks like we're going to have to give you a run down of everything that's happened in the past few months,"

Quinn raises her brows at the statement. Months? She had forgotten months of her life? What happened to cause her memories to leave? Did she slip and fall? Has she been in a coma? All her thoughts swarmed her head causing her to groan in pain, gripping the side of her head. Jo comes to her side and asks if she's okay. Quinn brushes it off. "Just a headache," she explains with a small smile, trying not to upset Jo even more. Her head snaps towards the unfamiliar woman, her light-hearted gaze she threw at Jo was replaced by a cold and guarded look. "What happened? How do I know you?"

Blair sits up from her slouched position, crossing her legs across each other, her heels clicking on the ground. "Well, for starters I was your S.O.," Blair addresses causing Quinn to give her a look of confusion. Senior Officer? Those only belonged to agents, or people training to be one.

"Fury assigned you to me after you had taken it upon yourself to befriend Steve Rogers and teach him about the twenty-first century -"

"I'm not an agent," Quinn interjects.

"Well," Blair chides, shrugging her shoulders and averting her eyes from Quinn's. "You weren't. But you wanted to be an agent,"

"I could never be an agent," Quinn protests. "Being an agent means cutting off the people you care for most. I couldn't do that to Jo,"

Blair let's out a sigh of frustration. "That's not what being an agent means. Look at -" She stops herself before she even mentions his name. Doing so could potentially jeopardize his family life. "You don't have to cut people off," Blair adds further, causing a wave of relief to wash over Quinn. However, she still couldn't be an agent due to her promise with her mother. "So you're my S.O.," Quinn says under her breath, nodding her head as if she's actually buying it even though all her senses say not to. "Why are you my S.O.? Something about a Steve Rogers? What makes him important?"

"Quinn," Jo beckons for her attention. "Steve Rogers is Captain America,"

Quinn's mouth immediately makes an "Oh" shape before her brows furrow at Jo. How did she know all of this? How did she even get mixed up in any of this? Quinn kept her personal and work life separate in order to protect Jo. The bruise on her temple says that Quinn did indeed endanger her by being around Steve Rogers. "What happened to your face?" she questions, pointing towards the purple bruise. Jo absentmindedly touches it and winces. "Pierce got to me," she explains in a nonchalant tone. Pierce? Alexander Pierce? The Undersecretary? Why did he have any interest in Jo?

"Pierce was the leader of Hydra," Blair's voice catches her by surprise, she returns her attention to the agent. "He abducted and brainwashed you because you were close to Steve,"

"He came to the loft once Steve learned his secret," Jo adds. "That's when he gave me this little thing and abducted you,"

Quinn looks towards the thin sheet of the hospital bed. She felt guilty knowing she blantantly put Jo in danger. She could've put her mother in danger as well. At least she was safe now.
"It would've been nice to know," Jo pipes up, once again earning Quinn's questioning glance. "To know you worked for a government agency and not some random business. That way I could've prepared in case something like this happened,"

Quinn bites down on her lower lip. It was a direct jab to her heart. To see Jo upset because she had been reckless damaged her morale. She had been injured due to her stupidity. This was something she could never forgive herself for. "I'm sorry," was all Quinn could muster out at the moment, her eyes threatened to burn with tears. This wasn't all Steve Rogers fault, this was hers as well.

"Did you know him?" she hesitantly questions Jo. It takes her friend a moment to get who she was referring to but once she realizes she snorts in return.

"Know him? He came over all the time for your "lessons"," Jo smirks. Quinn frowns at her. She may have a head trauma and possibly a mild case of amnesia but she knew what sarcasm was still. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Something thumps against her legs, startling her. She peers over to see Blair standing up above her bedside with her hands stretched out. Below her hands, on Quinn's legs, is a brown leather jacket. Her mind instantly recalls this jacket belonging to Steve Rogers. She looks at it in question as she vaguely remembers this. Her hands absentmindedly grab at the jacket.

Her hands feel along the cool, smooth, exterior in her hands. Even the smell of it was familiar. She knew this jacket, she just couldn't remember how. "Whenever he went on a mission he would give you this," Blair informs her causing Quinn's cheeks to heat up with a light blush.

Is that really how she knew the jacket? Her fingers trace along the embroidery on the pocket says it belongs to an "S. Rogers". How did she know it was his just by a glance, without Blair even telling her? How did she know that she would keep it all the time? Even wear it occasionally? How? Her brows furrow as she traces the lines of the creases in the jacket. "So this is Steve Rogers's?" she questions aloud.

"Yes," Blair confirms, causing Quinn's eyes to narrow at her.

"The same Steve Rogers as in Captain America? As in the Avengers?"

"Yes," she repeats.

"And he would give this to me when he went on missions so I wouldn't worry?"

"Yes," Blair's voice was starting to teeter on the edge of sounding annoyed.

"And we both have feelings for each other?"

"Well," she starts looking everywhere but at Quinn. Jo let's out a low whistle, avoiding the question as well. Quinn flips her head to the side and narrows her eyes at Jo, giving her an incredulous look until she breaks. She was never the type to keep a secret unlike herself. "You guys have feelings for each other, it's so obvious," Jo states, biting down on her lower lip as if she had just told a huge secret. Quinn rolls her eyes. Even though the hit sensation of her cheeks says what Jo is saying is true she denies any feelings for the hero. She glances up at Blair for affirmation. Surly she'd know if this was a lie or not. But Quinn gets an answer she can't handle. "Yep."

Her mind draws a blank on the whole situation at hand. She was brainwashed, but before she was brainwashed she was seeing the Captain America? Unlikely.

"But you are so focused on not getting hurt and protecting me and your mom that you deny your feelings for him," Jo inhales a deep breath before continuing knowing that Quinn was surly malfunctioning at the mere mention of her afflicted feelings for the Avenger. "A-a-and he is so god awful at flirting and acting on his feelings towards you. You two have never gotten around to admit it," Quinn places her head in her hands as she takes all of this in. She even holds an index finger up to stop the chattering as she takes all this information in and processes it. She and Captain America had feelings for each other? Impossible.

"So let me get this straight," Quinn speaks up and directly at her two guests, quickly coming out of her frustrated state. "You two want me to go up to him, after being brainwashed and beating him up, and you want me to ask him on a date?"

Out of nowhere she begins to half-heartedly laugh. The whole idea of her being with Captain America sounded preposterous. Why would he want a nobody like her? She was just and I.T. with a handful of issues. The laugh she emits almost sounds like a genuine hysterical laugh until she stops out of the blue with a frown on her face. "Are you two out of your minds!"

"What?" Jo pipes in as if she was offended by the statement. She opens her mouth to further protests but Blair stops her by placing her hand in a stopping motion. Jo quickly clamps her mouth shut, groaning with agitation and crossing her arms across her chest. She hated feeling undermined by the agent. Quinn glares up at the agent, a tight lipped scowl overtaking her features. Blair rolls her eyes. If she wasn't close to either her or Steve she wouldn't be here. She looks back down at Quinn with a challenging glance. "Once you see Steve, you'll know we're right," Blair attests in a calm voice. "You'll see. I know it from experience,"

She hoists her purse over her shoulder, wincing as the pain courses through her body. Her wounds still haven't fully healed since the highway attack. Quinn stares up at her, her blue eyes holding a questioning yet defensive look. The look of someone who had been betrayed. "You can probably find your file online," Blair admits. "After S.H.I.E.L.D. was compromised, Natasha released all it's secrets. If you don't believe us, you can find that informs on the website,"

Blair's gaze then drifts towards Jo. She hadn't known her for very long, just the few hours that Quinn was knocked out. No doubt she'll be just as curious as Quinn when it comes to the information. "I have to be with Natasha for the committee hearing," she directs this information towards the roommate. "Steve is in room A234. He wasn't up when I was there. Maybe you should see him when you're out,"

With the ever present list of questions that Quinn had for her, she turns on her heel and heads out of the room. She only turns back to look at her once she hits the doorframe, her fingers grasping on to the cool metal. Quinn's eyes were still filled with question but they were also pleading to tell her more information. Blair pushes the need to tell her everything to the back of her mind. She needed to figure this out on her own. Her lips twitch up in a small smile, the first genuine one she's shown her trainee. She then proceeds to exit without taking another look back. If she did it would be hard on her. This would be the last time she saw her before leaving for her mission.

BOOK ONE: THE WINTER SOLDIER

IT HAD BEEN two days of constant needy nurses and doctors flogging her room every hour to see if she was feeling fine. They determined that the damage to her memory was too severe to even attempt risking a surgery to replace them. She didn't even think it was possible, but after the two CAT scans and drinking the warm, chalky fluid to prepare for the scan she thought maybe they could potentially fix her.

She couldn't lie to herself and say that she wasn't disappointed when they told her they couldn't. Jo had been up to see her each day she was in bed, telling her how hard it is to be with Rudolph alone. She noticed how she held her tongue about questions about S.H.I.E.L.D. and her time spent working for them.

Jo was big on conspiracy theories. She never really believed in them but always thought they were interesting. Of course there were conspiracy theories about S.H.I.E.L.D. And of course she wanted to know all about them but her friends recovery was more important than anything.

Quinn had also learned about Josh, he even visited for an hour to help jog her memory. It didn't work. It only helped make matters worse as she felt uncomfortable with him in the room. At night when she was alone she'd cry. Hydra had used her and had stolen her memories of being happy.

She felt robbed, unprotected. She never slept well, knowing that Hydra could still possibly be out there plotting their next move. Coming for her. She tries to push back the lingering thoughts of being brainwashed again as she wanders the hospital halls.

Today she had finally been released from their care since she was deemed unfit to go in for surgery to repair the damage to her brain. Apparently they scrambled and fried her brain like eggs. At least that's how the doctor described it.

Even though Jo was by her side she still felt uncomfortable. All the eyes from patients, doctors, and nurses glanced at her. All their looks read, "That's the girl. That's the girl from S.H.I.E.L.D. that tried to kill Captain America". Her arms grip around the leather jacket tighter, making it squeak in her grasp.

Jo couldn't read their faces, she only smiled at a few of them. Quinn could feel her face become hot with embarrassment. It's not like she chose to be brainwashed. It was against her will. Did they not read that? Why were they all throwing her glares and whispering to one another? Her thoughts seemed to run a mile a minute from the newfound stress. She had never liked being the center of attention. Especially when it's for the wrong reason.

Jo places a hand on her back, patting it lightly and drawing Quinn's attention away from her own self hatred. "Are you okay? We don't have to do this is you don't want to," Jo urges, her brows furrowing with concern. Quinn shakes her head and grips the jacket tighter to her chest. "I have to. It's the only way. Maybe I can remember once I see him," Quinn replies. Jo studies the deep circles under her friends eyes, along with the redness in them. She just wanted things to go back to normal.

Jo let's out a sigh before continuing to walk towards the guarded hospital room. She had been to see Steve several times since Quinn's stay but this was the first time she'd see him. Quinn felt anxious. Steve could possibly jog her memories, even though the doctors listed that as damn near impossible. Jo didn't like that she was putting all her eggs in one basket as well but followed along for support.

She felt nervous under the gaze of the guards that were stationed on the outside of the room. If she didn't know it was Steve lying in there she would've mistaken the room being occupied by a royal. Jo smiles up at the guards as she introduces herself and Quinn, noting that they'd be on the list of people who can visit. The guards face held no emotion as he stepped aside for them, opening the door in the process.

"He's still out," Jo notes in a disappointed tone. Quinn's nerves were on their ends as she entered the room. She couldn't bring herself to look at Steve. Even if he was knocked out she couldn't help but think this was partially her fault. She could even feel a few tears start to prick at her eyes before she quickly swallows her pride.

Finally, she peers towards the sleeping Avenger. Heart rate monitor beeping, I.V. fluids running through tubes that stuck out from his arms, bruises lining his face. This wasn't the Captain America she was used to seeing on T.V. or even in glimpses of him at S.H.I.E.L.D. She felt an enormous wave of guilt hit her, causing her to hastily sit down in the chair beside him. She knew she had caused this. If she hadn't of been so close to him maybe Hydra would've gone a little easy on him.

However, this was Hydra.

What hit her even harder was the fact that, even though she was looking right at him, even though she could touch and talk to him, she still couldn't remember him.

All the stories that Jo and Blair had told her meant nothing if she couldn't recall doing anything with him. A warm tear trickled its way down her cheek, leaving a cool trail. She didn't want to cry but she couldn't help herself. She snaked her hand under the thick blanket the hospital had provided for the Avenger and grasped his large hand tightly as a sob ripped through her chest. "I'm so sorry,"

The scene that Jo was witnessing made a small tear run down her cheek that she quickly swiped away. She could tell that Quinn couldn't remember Steve wholly but watching her grip on to him while sobbing made her heart clench. Deep down Quinn must've known him somehow or else she wouldn't be acting like this. "I'll give you a moment," she mumbles, backing out of the room, her eyes never leaving her friend.

Quinn didn't even seem to notice, she only wanted to be close to Steve. Even though she couldn't remember him, she felt at ease and comforted just in his presence. She felt awful about his health and how she affected it. There was nothing she could do but sob at his bedside feeling sorry for him and blaming herself. If there was any way at getting a chance to have her memories come back about him she'd do anything.

Although she can't remember him, she feels like she knows him personally which hurts her even worse. She didn't just know him, she cared for him. Seeing him like this, knowing the pain he went through was like someone had stabbed her in the chest repeatedly. She never would have wished this upon anyone let alone Steve.

Her fingers interlock with his, making the motion a little more intimate. She half expects him to wake up but when she looks at his face she's disheartened. This was Captain America. The First Avenger. The man who came out of the ice after a seventy year sleep. A man who would sacrifice himself for the greater good. Someone who she knew, someone who she cared about. Someone who she could possibly love.

Her cheeks flush as she remembers the stories that Blair and Jo told her about them being close. Close enough to be together. Blair's story made her even more embarrassed, knowing that she had once kissed him in public. The circumstances were dire but the butterflies she got in her stomach when she told the story told her that the feelings were real and genuine.

Were they in love?

Quinn shakes her head from side to side, clearing any thoughts of being with Steve. It seemed like a fantasy. Besides, she couldn't drag him into her life it was too chaotic and she carried too much baggage. She places the jacket that belonged to him on the bed, across his lap. It wasn't hers to keep. In a bold move, she swipes her hand across his cheek before planting her lips on it in a firm and quick peck. A get better kiss. With tears in her eyes, Quinn fixes herself up and leaves the room without looking back.