CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

( RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE )

"IT'S AWFULLY COLD out here, String-bean," her mother muttered to herself as she wraps her jacket closer to her body. Leave it to her mother to want to go outside but instantly regret it and complain the whole way. It wasn't what Quinn wanted to hear at the moment. However, an immense amount of guilt had hit her in the gut as she found out she was leaving her mother for the next few months. She had grown somewhat accustomed to seeing her often, no matter what mood she was in. Today's mood had been pleasant. She seemed to be rather normal. She understood that her husband and son had been gone for a while now, it was like she had grieved so much that she was eventually fine now.

If she didn't have her condition, Quinn wouldn't be surprised if this would be the new normal with her. But tomorrow was a new day. Monyce, her mother's nurse, quickly tightens the blanket around the woman for more warmth in her wheelchair. Along with her drifting mind, she was starting to loose control of her basic motor functions. Even though she was fine today, her condition seemed to be worsening. It pained her to leave her in this time. Quinn's guilty conscience made her think of the best possible way to say goodbye to her mother for a period of time. Taking her to Central Park like she's been asking.

Although the parks trees were beautifully turning from their ordinary green shades to their vibrant reds and oranges, the wind seemed to be a constant problem in trying to keep any of them warm. They halted at a bench near a large, broken wall where kids liked to climb up and down it during the warmer months - even though it was highly prohibited. "It's almost Halloween," her mother smiled as she watched a few ducks skid into the lake across from them. "What are you going to be?"

A smile creeps across her face. "An FBI agent," she teases, even though it wasn't necessarily a joke. She knew if she really told her mother what she was doing, where she was going, she'd be heart broken for a moment. As Doctor Woodruff always said, it was nice for her to have a familiar face around to help her understand what was happening.

At first she thought Doctor Woodruff would be upset with her leaving abruptly, but she was made aware that her mother's move was abundant and fully paid for. Now she had no grievances with her since her pockets were full. "What will you be?" Quinn asks in return. Her mother hesitates, placing her frail hand up to her mouth as she concentrated on the buildings, deep in thought. "A bird," she answers quietly. "A bird?" Monyce reiterates in a coaxing tone - as if she were speaking to a toddler. "I always liked birds," she defends her answer. "They're free, able to fly wherever, whenever,"

A moment of piece and silence washed over the pair along with the nurse who used this opportunity to be on her phone. It was nice to have some quiet moments with her mother like this. Especially with how the past few days have been. Constant buzzing from her phone, her email was chalk full of gossip reporters wanting some inside information about her. They didn't care for her. To the public eye she was a nobody who came out of nowhere and blind sided the nosey nation, who didn't know that Captain America had feelings let alone someone on the side.

Thankfully, no one has noticed her in public yet, or they respect Steve's private life. She snorts at the thought of actually having a normal life with him. That would be a cold day in hell. "When I go I want to come back as a bird," her mother states after a moment, her gaze resting on the restless water of the pond. Quinn's brows knit together questioningly and concerned. Her mother wasn't one to talk about death, she was always someone who tried to avoid it.

"Why so morbid, ma?" she questions, looking down at her feet as she shuffles them around in an attempt to get her mind off of death. "It's not morbid, it's a way of life, String-bean," her mother chuckles softly at Quinn's childlike nature of being fidgety while talking about death. It just didn't settle right in her stomach. "I want to come back as a bird so I can watch over you,"

Quinn couldn't help but smile to herself. Her mother actually looked normal for the time being. Like an actual, caring, mother. It almost made her tear up. But then again, tomorrow there would be another variation of Marianne Cruise sitting in her room waiting for someone. Maybe she'd still remember everything, maybe bits and pieces, but it'd more likely be that she didn't remember much of anything.

She can't help but feel as if it wasn't fair that most people could have a normal relationship with their mother, to be able to easily talk to them about the simplest things without them throwing a tantrum when they were unable to wrap their minds around anything. Of course, she somewhat understood how frustrating it was to not be able to remember things. She would give anything to remember her time with Steve before Hydra came along and ruined everything. Sure, she had the past month - month and a half to get to know Steve better, to be able to talk to him and go over everything that she had missed out on, and it was always nice that she could also talk to Jo and she'd be able to confirm a lot of the things that he was saying to be true.

She didn't want to waste it by leaving him for three months. She was actually annoyed that he was so understanding with her going away for the time being. He related it to going away for boot camp back before he was twice his size. He didn't like to reminisce about his past that often but she found it interesting when he did. "What're you smiling at?" her mother interrupts her train of thought. She peers over to her grinning like a bobcat. Quinn chuckles nervously to herself before shaking her head. "Nothing," she hums out. "It's nothing,"

"It's someone," her mother disagrees, causing Quinn's nerves to stand on edge. Her eyes absentmindedly dart towards Monyce, who is looking over her mother's shoulders with a slight smirk, hoping she'd talk about Steve. As much as she wanted to tell her mother everything she didn't know how she'd react to dating the renowned super soldier or just dating anyone. Besides, she couldn't let her worry even more, she already was going to panic when she leaves later today as it will be a while before she sees her again.

"It's not important," she smiles at her mother. Marianne simply chuckles at her daughter. It was clear that she was smitten with infatuation. Monyce's eyebrows raise at Quinn's answer, a smug smile appearing on her face as she represses a dismissive laugh. Of course Monyce knew who Quinn was thinking about, who she was seeing. It was plastered all over the internet. Thankfully, she had kept it quiet so her mother wouldn't ask her any prying questions. Or she had told her mother at one point and her mother had forgotten. Quinn rolls her eyes at the nurse before returning her attention to the pond in front of them. "How long are you going away?" Marianne questions.

"Not long," Quinn shrugs in response. "Three months at most,"

"And where exactly are you going?"

"Virginia,"

"For what?"

Quinn hesitates for a moment, her breath hitching in her throat. "A class," she lies, nervous tone tinging her throat. Could she lie? Yes. To a complete stranger she felt comfortable doing so. Could she lie to her mother? Somewhat, although she felt awfully guilty while doing so. It went against everything that her parents had taught her to do. "What kind of class -"

"Have you ever had a churro? Because I'm starving and I know there's a food stand somewhere near here," Quinn quickly averted the conversation. This was the wrong time for her mother to decide to be nosy in her life. She could've done it when she needed it in high school instead of shutting her out. "I'm not hungry," Marianne hums out as she looks at her daughter. "But if the conversation makes you uncomfortable and you find yourself reliant on eating food to make you feel better than by all means," Marianne states unempathetically.

Quinn's mouth became ajar as she looked at her mother in disbelief at the rude remark. Monyce's jaw tightened as she forced herself not to break her silence and give her hand in the conversation. "Since when did you become a psychiatrist?" Quinn asks in a hot tone as Marianne asks Monyce for her help to undo her wheelchair constraints. "Quinn Louise, I am your mother," Marianne tutts. She rolls her eyes at the use of her middle name. "Ever since you were small you went to food for comfort -"

"I did not!" Quinn argues, outraged by her mother's blatant accusation. It may have been true but she didn't need to bring it up in front of her nurse. "She was a round little girl," she commented to Monyce as she undid her restraints. Monyce pursed her lips as she looked up at Quinn who was seething. "Come on String-bean, let's get your food,"

Quinn tilted her head back in annoyance, letting out a frustrated groan. Everything had been pleasant up until now. "This is such horse shit," she whispered under her breath as she began to catch up with her mother. "Language!" her mother hisses out, earning an eye roll from her. She opens her mouth to give her another snide remark but her phone vibrates in her pocket. A small smile creeps up on her face as she sees Steve's name pop up across the screen. It pained her that she was going to have to say goodbye to him for so long. "We're going back," she informed the two, looking down at her phone to view the time. "I've got somewhere to be soon,"

"Are you taking a boy to get food? Quinn, you should at least make him food -"

"I'm not taking him to get food. I'm just saying goodbye to him -"

"So, there is someone," Marianne exclaims as she's just figured out a mystery. Quinn stops in her tracks as her mother looks up at her. Her hazel eyes gleaming mischievously. It was as if she were a toddler who had just found out a secret. She was going to hold it above her for quite some time now. However, the longer she looked at her, the sadder her expression became. Her lips pulled down in a heavy frown, eyes not breaking from her daughter's. "Why haven't I met him yet?"

A frustrated sigh escapes Quinn's lips. "Is it me?" Marianne pries, earning a sympathetic look from her daughter. "I know I can be a bit loopy with everything going on, I bet I can be very embarrassing to show off,"

Quinn can already see a sheepish blush pull to her mother's cheeks. She was genuinely worried that she wouldn't introduce her to Steve just because of her condition. Quinn could be cold at times, just as her mother had been to her in the past, but she wasn't heartless. It was clear that her mother was at least trying to establish a good relationship now. Even if she was making fun of her. "No, ma, it's not you. It's just too fresh right now," she begins to explain. "I like him, I don't want to scare him away by introducing him to you after seeing him after a couple of weeks,"

Her mother gives her an disappointed look. Not disappointed in her and her failure to introduce Steve or even mention she was dating someone to her, but more so disappointment in herself. She couldn't help her condition. Quinn's heart gives a tight squeeze in her chest as she looks down at her disheartened mother. She was trying. Quinn squats down to meet her mother at eye level, flashing her a reassuring smile. "I promise I will bring him to meet you once things get more serious,"

Marianne's eyes narrow at her daughter. "Cross your heart?" she mumbles out as she makes an X over her chest. Quinn mimics the motion. "Stick a needle in my eye,"

Her mother cups her cheek tenderly, as if she were clearly seeing her for the first time after a long time. It made Quinn feel somewhat complete inside. However, tomorrow was a new day and a new Marianne. She would introduce Steve to her when the time was right and when she was in the right mindset, like today.

She sighed as Monyce began to move her mother along the winding path, leading towards the nearest exit of the park. She would no longer question to go to this big place soon, she'd be living a little ways north of New York City, where the woods were thick and people like her flourished. Hopefully she'd like it instead of New York. She was bound to get tired of listening to the restless sounds of the hospital. She'd be happy, in her element. Quinn would give anything if it meant her mother could be happy.

~ BOOK TWO: AGE OF ULTRON ~

HER FINGERS NUMBLY peck at her phone screen as she walks along with bustling sidewalk. The tear stains on her cheeks were cool with the fall air. She could easily blame the sniffles on the cold weather, and the watery eyes on allergies but that wasn't the real cause of her dismay. Abandoning her sick mother was the cause of her tears. She was leaving when she needed her most. It was also nice to see her acting like a normal human being instead of what her sickness made her act like. It almost made her believe that her mother wasn't ill, a small glimpse of what her life and relationship with her mother would've been. She stayed strong while saying goodbye to her mother but not for long.

The next thing she knew she was slamming the bathroom stall with hot tears stinging her eyes. Usually, she'd head home afterwards, cry and work on EDGE while either listening to Robin practice or taking her unsolicited advice. The only thing that would keep her away from home after sobbing in a bathroom mirror would be Steve. He was always one to help cheer her up when she wasn't feeling well, even if she just heard his voice over the phone it'd make her happier.

Thankfully, she had already purposely planned to say goodbye to him after saying goodbye to her mother. He would act as a buffer, to reassure her that it wasn't her fault she was leaving and that it was for the greater good, something that would ease her guilty conscience. The directions on her phone had lead her to an open pathway towards the Highline, the place where she and Steve had agreed to meet at. Who wouldn't want to go on a beautiful stroll high above the city as a date? There were some people milled about but not as many as she thought.

There, standing off to the side, looking as if he didn't want to be bothered, was Steve waiting for her arrival. She swore she could feel her heart thump loudly in her chest as soon as she caught sight of him. Even though her eyes were overwhelmed with tears from her mother, her mouth felt as dry as the Mojave desert. She was surprised that no one was coming up and talking to him since he was blatantly out in the open, however, she couldn't guarantee that it wouldn't happen at least once or twice on their walk. The tightness in his jaw as he stared at his phone could've been a worthy detourant to keep people away.

He had come a long way since they had first met apparently. He used to use notepads and notebooks but he quickly dropped the habit once she was around to scold him otherwise. Now he didn't look like he was a man out of his time, he looked normal, like he belonged in the twenty-first century. She couldn't help but wonder what he was looking at.

However, she kept her cool as she casually approached him, not wanting to alert him of her presence. She quietly neared him, trying to get a peek of what he was looking at only to have him turn the phone screen away. She innocently looked up at him, to find him smiling down at her. "Top secret?" she lamely tries to cover herself from snooping. "You could say that," he states, placing his phone in his back pocket. "You're not wearing make up. You look nice," he notes. A sheepish blush makes an appearance across her cheeks. It's true that she hadn't exactly mastered wearing makeup every time she saw him but apparently she did it enough for him to notice her natural look once again. "Thanks, I cried it off in the hospital bathroom," she admits, trying to make a joke out of her misery.

Steve's brows furrow with concern as he sees her trying to hold back the pain that had caused her to cry off her makeup. "You say goodbye to your mom?" he guesses, only to earn a curt nod from her as her eyes drifted down towards the pavement to hide any trace of sadness. He saw right through her. "I'm sorry, Hun," he whispers out as he envelopes her in a tight embrace, her face nuzzling into the fabric of his jacket. She was trying to bury away any tears from the public eye. He could feel her labored breaths deep in her chest. The least he could do was assure her no one saw any tears escaping. She pulls back when she thinks she's ready to face him. Her blue eyes red and puffy from tears. Her voice cracks, "I'm just worried something is going to happen -"

"Hey, nothing is going to happen to her," he assures her in a firm but gentle tone, placing a hand on her cheek and swiping away a stray tear with his thumb. "Not while you're away and not while I'm in town. She knows you're only going away to help her out,"

His encouragement was enough to make her feel somewhat less guilty. However, she did feel bad for abandoning everyone, him, Robin, Jo, her mother, and most of all Rudolph (who will be in the care of Steve while she's away, living the pampered life while staying in the tower). She absentmindedly hooks her arm through his as they begin their walk through the nature path. She had discovered it not too long ago and had been wanting to visit it. A pathway above buildings through the city, caked with gardens and trees. It was like it's own little ecosystem in the sky. "Are you hungry?" he asks, after a few moments of silence. "Not at the moment but I can't say I won't stay that way. What do you have in mind?"

"Take out,"

"What kind?"

"Of the Chinese kind," he smirks down at her, knowing that it was one of her all time favorite things to eat. Her mouth watered just thinking about eating beef and broccoli. "You know me too well," she says under her breath. She wasn't quite sure if he heard her but his chuckle suggests that he did in fact hear her. "But I really shouldn't," she adds on. "I'm going to be training and I don't want to add weight -"

"I highly doubt eating Chinese food for one night is going to affect you," he protests.

"Yeah, but I've been eating out a lot lately, I mean look at me," she stubbornly states, patting her stomach. Steve narrows his eyes as he tries to see what she's doing. "You're being ridiculous, you're fine," he encourages. He knew that she felt self conscious about not running all the time, she was far too busy to be running. But she walked to work almost all the time, that was plenty of exercise as it was.

"She wants to meet you," Quinn speaks up after a moment of silence, surprising Steve. At first he's confused as to what she's talking about but then he understands which sends his brows shooting upwards. "Me? She knows me?" he questions, trying not to sound too excited. It was a big deal to him if her mother actually knew who he was. Quinn purses her lips while making a humming sound. "She knows I'm dating someone. She'd like she meet them," she corrects. "I'd be honored," Steve replies, puffing out his chest in confidence, making Quinn chuckle.

However, she lets out a soft sigh as she thinks about the situation. "I know you would, but I think that should be saved for later. I don't want to take you to meet her only to not be with you a month later," she states casually. Steve's heart snaps as he stops in his tracks as she continues walking ahead. She gives him a questioning look, wondering why he stopped. It was obvious that she had offended him.

"Are you thinking of...not being with me?" he softly asks, causing Quinn's own heart to ache. Her nerves stand on edge as she realizes what it must sound like. "No, never! Not at the moment," she quickly exclaims, a nervous sweat starting to build on the back of her neck. She takes a deep breath to try to calm herself down. "But I mean who can tell what could happen to us? Only time will,"

Quinn seems to sulk for a moment while Steve lightly smiles. She was only being realistic, her past relationships must've made her this way. He couldn't really blame her either. With his line of work, there's no telling what could happen to him. "Well as long as you're not thinking about breaking up with me, I'll wait until I can meet your mother," he states, intertwining his fingers with hers. "It's your decision and I respect that,"

Quinn couldn't help but smile as she looked at his features. Still warm, soft, yet chiseled and defined. She couldn't believe that he was actually interested in her instead of the women that threw themselves at him like Priya. What made her so special, so different than anyone else? If anything she treated him like everyone else as S.H.I.E.L.D. "I never did really get to congratulate you for making this choice," Steve chimes in, breaking her train of thought - more like daydream. "It's a hard choice,"

"Is it, though?" Quinn teases, her voice going up several octaves. Yes, she'd have to leave everyone behind for a few months but it's better than working minimum wage at Apple, plus her mother was moving to her facility free of charge. Steve laughs at her. "It's still a big choice, and I'm proud you're finally going to be doing what you want. You deserve this,"

Even when he was being genuinely nice he made her blush. She wished he had one imperfection about him, aside from the PR reps (that weren't even his fault). The only downside was the dangerous missions and it's not like she could hold it over him for much longer, soon she'd be going on missions like that as well. Hopefully not that extreme. "Better not go falling for someone while I'm away," she teasingly warns. "How could I?" he snorts in response.

They stop at an overpass, sitting down on one of the benches, watching as cars glide underneath them. As much as she hated to admit it, she was going to miss New York and it's tall buildings, bustling streets. It had a certain unique charm to it.

Absentmindedly, she rests her head on Steve's shoulder, admiring the buildings vibrant orange hues from the setting sun from behind them. "So you'll be here when I come back?" Quinn asks so softly, she wasn't sure he would be able to hear it. He turns to kiss the top of her head, surprising her and making her heart thump wildly in her chest. His voice is low, as he promises, "I'll be here, right by your side,"

A/N: Hey all, I'm going to take a quick break for a moment. I apologize in advance for not forewarning everyone and it's kind of out of the blue. I'm in the process of moving and that'll take a while to pack and clean and get situated and settled in. I also wanted to stop here since this will be the last of Steve that we get to see (in person) for a while since the next few chapters deal with Quinn's training at Quantico. I will be back and updating April 10th. See you then!