CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

( MADE FOR THIS )

THE PILLOW WRAPPED around her head dulls the sound of life coming from the street, and blocked out the brightness of the day even though the sun had whisked its way behind an overcast of clouds. She had forgotten how loud New York was compared to the academy. However, it did have its perks. For one she was still laying in bed, and it was well past when she was forced to wake up at the academy. There was no rush to do anything like take a shower and quickly eat before scurrying off to class. It was just herself and her thoughts.

Yes, even though she managed to stumble home at oh seven hundred this morning, and peeled off her uniform to lay in her skivvies, she hadn't slept a wink. She had tried. Desperately. But her mind wouldn't let her. It just kept racing off in millions of different directions with endless amounts of questions pertaining to the same four aspects. What happened to Rome, Lena, and Linnea when they got back to the academy, no doubt they were there now? Could Blair really be trusted in finding Steve's friend even though they had a past? What does Steve think of her now for disobeying direct orders from the academy and him?

And finally, what was she going to do for her mother without an income?

That was her most important question. She could care less what Steve thought of her or if Blair killed Bucky, her mother was what was on her mind. If she couldn't afford the proper treatment, she would surely suffer until the end of her life and that would be sooner rather than later, like she had planned. At least, she kept her promise to her mother, she wouldn't be in danger. She'd just be working two retail jobs, or an IT job somewhere other than Manhattan. Sure she could make great money with the IT gig but she never found it fulfilling and it sure as hell wouldn't be like S.H.I.E.L.D.'s IT. There were too many people without the brains to simply turn on the computer. She'd end up hating herself or wanting to blow her head off.

As for her relationship with Steve, well she wouldn't blame him if he broke things off with her. She couldn't remember who she was when she met him but it sure wasn't who she is now. She's defiant, she questions everything, she's not afraid to fight back. It pails in comparison with her more innocent life back in D.C., where the riskiest thing she could do was indulge herself in Jo's ice cream pity parties whenever she got dumped. She grumbles to herself as she hugs the pillow tighter around her head, her body sinking further beneath the comforter as she reminded herself that she needed to get some rest.

She had managed to just begin to drift off to sleep when she heard a tapping at the door. She didn't answer, she didn't have the energy to answer. Instead, she groans out groggily, hoping to get just a few more minutes of sleep as she begins to drift away again. Suddenly, the door flings open, colliding with the wall with a bang. The sound alone is enough to jump her awake. She jolts up from underneath the covers, clutching onto her chest to calm her heart which was beating at an alarmingly fast pace. Frightened, her gaze is met by Robin's who dressed in warm, flannel pajamas, her hair messy as if she had just woken up, and a metal baseball bat clutched in her hand. Quinn instinctively puts her arms up to block her body from any blows as Robin lets out a slew of curses and threats. She peers at who she thinks may be the home invader before it finally clicked in her head. Quinn was home.

Her demeanor instantly changes, she loosens up her armed pose as she continues to look at Quinn. Confusion and shock quickly waved over her face. "Quinn?" she calls out, watching as Quinn gave her a thumbs up while nodding her head. She was obviously having trouble breathing with the heaving of her chest and the fast pace of her heart. During the last twenty-four hours, Robin bursting through her bedroom door was the scariest part. It was something she wasn't expecting. The bat falls down to Robin's side as she casually pads her way over to her bed. "How are you here? I wasn't expecting you for another month. What time did you even get here? You snuck in so quietly..."

Quinn rolls her eyes. The first question that should've popped out of her mouth was asking if she was okay from the heart attack she had just given her but apparently, her sudden presence was a more pressing issue. "What time is it?" she questions, her brows furrowing as she looks up at her roommate.

"It's two-thirty in the afternoon," Robin replies in a deadpan voice. It takes a moment for the information to settle into Quinn's mind as the sleep deprivation and the anxiety still flowed through her brains. Robin could practically see the gears turning in her head as she began humming an "uh" sound for almost thirty seconds straight. "I got here around oh six hundred." she finally answers, a sheepish grin appearing on her face. Due to the lack of sleep and stress, she couldn't exactly recall how she had gotten home. She only remembered crawling into bed and wallowing in her own self-pity. "God, what happened to your face?" Robin exclaims as she perches herself on the side of Quinn's bed. She reaches out and rubs her thumb across the purple bruise resting on her cheek. "You know what might help, aloe," Robin states in an assured tone, causing Quinn to cock her head to the side.

"I don't think that's what aloe is for."

"Nonsense. You don't know the healing properties of the plant." Robin assures her, hopping off the bed and making a b-line towards the kitchen, leaving Quinn alone and dazed. After a few short seconds of being alone, the empty pang of guilt struck her chest once again, leaving her feeling helpless. She tucked her knees close to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs as her chin rested lightly on top of her knees. She lets out a deep exhale thinking about the academy. Rome, Lena, Linnea. All were bound to despise her. Just as she thought she had a handle on her life, she threw it all away on a whim, and for what? To repay an unspoken debt that would probably have Blair furious at her for aiding her. The worst of it was that she wasn't going to suffer the most, it would be her mother. Dr. Woodruff was a godsend but if she didn't have the funds to give her the proper treatment then she'd be kicked out or put in the worst possible program for her disability due to her daughter's short funds - just because she was foolish and had hope.

She hears Robin's footsteps draw nearer as she walks in with a bottle of green aloe vera in her hands. The bottle was covered in condensation from being in the fridge. "This might be cold," Robin warns her as she spurts a small amount of gel on her fingertips, massaging it into Quinn's skin. Quinn jumps a bit at the cool sensation. Robin was right. It was cold to the touch. "Sorry," Robin mumbles out, her eyes focused on the bruise just below Quinn's eye. It's silent for a few moments. Not an awkward kind of silence but it was heavy. The tension within Quinn was palpable as she knew what the following questions were to be. As if Robin could read her mind, she clears her throat."So are you home on some sort of holiday where they ordered you to come back for a couple of days?" She asks.

Quinn quickly averts her eyes from Robin shamefully. "Uh, no. Nothing like that." she quickly states, feeling her cheeks become heated from her sudden fluster. "Oh," Robin hums out as if she were on autopilot with her responses. "Basically, I quit the academy," she says, her voice dropping a few octaves as the sadness in her heart started to expand.

"Oh!" Robin exclaims, dropping her hand from her face and looking at her roommate in shock. "I broke out and now I'm expelled," Quinn explains, she can feel the tears starting to build in her eyes. Robin looks as if she was taken back by the sudden news, which only made her feel even more guilty. Robin relied heavily on her half of the rent. Now that she was without a stable job it was going to be a struggle to get decent money to pay for her high rent.

"Oh my god. Are you okay?" Robin asks, clutching on to the sides of Quinn's legs that were being held close to her chest. It was at that moment that the tears started to flow freely from her eyes. "All my academy friends hate me. I think I got them expelled too," she explains in a strained voice, trying to hold back her sobs but ultimately failing. She buries her head into her knees, avoiding all eye contact from Robin so she wouldn't have to see her cry. "God, what is wrong with me? Why do I ruin everything?" she questions aloud, her voice quivering with sorrow as she sobs into her knees. Each lengthy sob made Robin feel pity for her roommate, while also making her feel uncomfortable. She was okay with people being open to her but she was conflicted with this situation.

She wanted to be upset with Quinn just throwing away her career like that, especially with the benefits it was going to provide both of them, but at the same time she was her friend and she had just lost her dream. "You don't ruin everything." she coos out, gingerly rubbing her back and feeling the stifled sobs within her. "You've just had a very hard year. A lot of new things have happened to you and you're just adjusting."

She could feel her pause her whines for a moment, shivering underneath the palm of her hand as she continued to stroke her back for comfort. She could almost hear a soft sigh break from her lips but in the blink of an eye, Quinn continued to sob into her knees. Robin frowned, pulling away from stroking her back. It was like she hadn't even noticed she stopped touching her. "I can tell that you want to say something. What's on your mind? What's causing you all this distress?" Robin pushes further, dropping her baby-like soft tone for her regular voice.

It takes a minute for Quinn to settle herself down a bit before she can even speak. When she does calm down, she's nervous to even show her face towards Robin. She felt so weak. However, she slowly brought her chin to rest on her knees once again. Small tears still running down her cheeks every so often, her eyes had gotten (even more) puffier from all the crying. The expression on Robin's face was a mixture of pity and confusion which only made her feel worse but she did deserve an explanation. It could help her if she got it off of her chest.

"I just... I'm not sure if I would even be a good agent." she sniffles, wiping her eyes against the comforter in an attempt to dry them. "A good agent follows orders and I do whatever my gut tells me is right. It caused me grief. A headache. And my spot at the academy."

Robin's lips form a thin line across her face, as she tries to find the right words to comfort her friend. Even though she had totally screwed the pooch, she wasn't as bad as a person as she thought she was. "Have you ever considered that maybe that's a good thing?" Robin questioned.

"What?"

A sheepish smile appears on Robin's lips. She didn't think she'd have to elaborate but the words flow freely from her mouth. "Well, you have a very neutral moral compass. You can follow orders but only if it's the right thing for you," she explains, watching less tears drip down from Quinn's face. It was working. "If your commanding officer told you to shoot a group of innocent kids, would you?"

"No." Quinn hums out.

"If the same commanding officer told you, you had to find and arrest a serial killer. Would you?"

"Obviously." she almost scoffs at the question.

"Then see," Robin announces, throwing her hands up in the air as her roommate looks at her wide-eyed with befuddlement. Robin then clutches on to her shoulder, giving her a warm smile of affirmation. "You're a good person, Quinn. You know the difference between right and wrong. Which means you'd make a good agent." She pauses as soon as she sees Quinn's brows furrow in protest, to which she quickly goes on to explain instead of waiting for her roommate to respond. "Look, I'm sure whatever made you leave the academy was for a good reason."

"But it fell through. My whole plan -" Quinn interrupts, only for Robin to talk over her, placing her small hand on the side of her perched leg. "Plans fall through. Good people fail sometimes. But that doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make you a bad agent." Quinn was seeming to take this to heart but she still felt horrible about herself. Robin's words of encouragement meant nothing to Rome or Lena or Linnea who were probably out of the academy on her behalf. She ruined three people's lives. "Do you think they're looking for someone who's going to abide by the books that were written in the fifties?" Robin questions, drawing her attention back to the raven-haired woman who was sitting beside her.

"Yes," she grumbles out defiantly.

"No, they're looking for people who go against the grain. People who will help usher them into this new era, where aliens fall from the sky and killer robots roam conventions in New York. Now I don't know all their secrets but I'm almost positive they didn't know aliens even existed until the attack on New York."

When she looks at Quinn she can once again see the wheels turning in her head. Almost as if she was struggling to form words that would make sense. Her brow raised in confusion. "Do you get what I'm saying?" Robin adds, hoping to spark something inside of her roommate. She hated seeing her like this. It was awkward since they hadn't known each other for too long. Quinn moans as she sits up straight, letting go of her knees to prop herself up on her hands behind her. "In a way, I suppose," she answers, causing Robin to smile in accomplishment. "But it's not like I can go and just ask for my job back. I broke out of the academy, a heavily armed government facility."

Before she can say anything else, the apartment door buzzes, making both of them jump in surprise. Robin turns to her, looking at her with wonder, as her brows knit together. Quinn shrugs it off. "It's probably Steve dropping Rudolph off," she answers Robin's silent question of who was at the door. "I'll get it. Just stay right here. I'll be back." Robin promptly raises from the bed, giving Quinn's head one light stroke before she pads off.

Quinn let out a heavy sigh, placing her head back on the tops of her knees once again. Robin made a few good points, but what good was she if she didn't follow orders. None. She had to remain compliant and for some reason, that was something she'd been struggling to do ever since she moved. Ever since Hydra. A chill ran down her spine as she thought back to when she had woken up in the hospital after S.H.I.E.L.D. fell down.

There was Jo, who was a familiar face, and then there was Blair who didn't seem familiar at first but the more she learned about her, the more she got to know her by texting her, the more familiar she became. It was like second nature to want to help her when she found out she couldn't be located, when she was in trouble. If only the circumstances were different. If only she had a spine when it came to disobeying everyone's orders. Even Steve's. But the puppy dog look he'd give her was enough to melt her heart. He didn't want to interfere because it could mess up his chance to get his best friend back, the only thing he could rely on from before he was on the ice. She'd feel horrible if she messed that up for him. It was something she ended her career for.

She could hear the door of the apartment creak open, she anticipated the moment when Rudolph would burst into the room, giving her sloppy kisses. However, she didn't hear his whines or even his paws tapping away at the hardwood floors. Instead, she heard two muffled voices, along with Robin's, still near the door area. This perked her interest. If it wasn't Steve, then who was here? As she began to climb out of bed, she heard Robin making her way down the hall, towards her bed.

Quinn immediately shoved her foot back underneath the covers, wanting to look as if she hadn't even moved since Robin had left. The golden doorhandle jiggled and then the round, pale face that was Robin craned her way through the small opening of the door. "Hey," she greets, almost out of breath, as if she had just run to her door. This confused Quinn, making her perk an eyebrow up at her antics.

"Hi." she quickly replies, wondering what was going on. Robin gives her once again an awkward smile, in exchange for an answer as they sit in silence for a moment. Quinn begins to stammer out the question of what's going on just before Robin cuts her off. "Do you remember how you just said you can't just ask for your job back?"

"Yeah?" Quinn responds, her voice rising a few octaves as the question seemed rather off.

"Well, you have visitors," Robin informs her. This doesn't help explain what's going on and instead sends Quinn into a silent panic. The last time she had unexpected visitors she had been brainwashed to become some sort of sleeper agent. "I suggest you clean yourself up. They're waiting for you in the kitchen." Robin adds before ducking out of her room and shutting the door tightly.

Quinn wastes no time in jumping out of the bed, her feet landing firmly on the wooden floor with a thud. If Hydra was here she was going to need an escape route. She paced over to the window, leading towards the front of the street where a few people were outside, brushing their stoops free of leaves or jogging. She unlatched the window and cracked it open, letting the soft breeze in, sweeping the room with chilly air.

She takes a deep breath, trying to calm her rattled nerves. If she looked suspicious, the visitors (whom she knew was Hydra) would make a break for her and it would end horribly. Either she'd end up becoming a sleeper agent again or her apartment would be in ruins from the fight, or even worse was that Robin could get hurt. She was an innocent bystander in all of this. Or was she?

Quinn brushed off the thought of Robin potentially betraying her and looked at herself in the mirror. Robin's voice played over again in her head, "You may want to make yourself look presentable." Quinn adamantly scoffs at this. If she didn't know who these guests were, she wasn't prettying herself up for them. Her eyes gazed down at the flat surface of her dresser, resting on a small swiss army knife she had gotten for herself way back in high school. It was sturdy, faithful, and one of the few things that made sense to keep on hand at all times. She picks it up, clutching tightly to the small handle of the tool, before reaching for the doorknob.

When she opened the door she could smell the strong stench of coffee emanating around the apartment. Robin must've prepared their guests with a beverage in her absence. Her brows furrowed as she steps further out into the hallway, letting the wafting air guide her to where the visitors were. When her eyes rested on Robin, she felt somewhat relaxed as she noticed her chilled out stance, leaning up against the doorway to the kitchen with a smile on her face.

The last time Hydra visited her and someone was home the other person got knocked out and used as leverage. Quinn straightens up her posture, catching Robin's attention who in turn gave her a weird side-eye, as she continued speaking to the guests. As Quinn approached the door, she let down her guard, slumping her shoulders, and letting her heart rest, and Robin quickly excuses herself elsewhere.

There, sitting at the kitchen table, were Yvette and Kat. Their chattering seemed to stop as she entered the kitchen, plopping down the Swiss army knife on the counter. Yvette eyed it warily before looking up at the sleep-deprived woman. "Well, if it isn't Miss Cruise." she greets in a lithe tone, to which she grunts in response as she pulls her hair up into a ponytail. She yawns, before giving them both a suspicious glare. "Yvette. Kat," she states, her voice cold.

"Cruise." Kat greets back, her arms crossed against her chest, icy attitude as usual. The tone of her voice alone makes her roll her eyes. She was in for harassing questioning. She could feel it. "Have a seat," Yvette invites her over, steaming coffee in front of her. This time Quinn audibly scoffs, as she shuffles over towards the table, scooting a chair out. She wasn't running on any sleep, she wasn't in the mood to be questioned. "I suppose you know why we're here. Well, actually we were hoping you could tell us why you're here and not in Quantico." Yvette states, her voice so sickeningly sweet yet tart at the same time, it's enough to upset Quinn's stomach but she doesn't let it show.

Instead, she plops her chin to rest on her elbow, giving the director a deadpan gaze. "I escaped." she simply puts it, her voice somewhat muffled by the placement of her head in her palm. Yvette is tempted to roll her eyes in irritation but she manages to keep her cool, serving her a scowl to suffice the eye roll. "We've noticed." she snarls, shuffling through the file paid before her. Quinn eyed it. No doubt it was hers and it had already become somewhat thicker than the last time she saw it.

She tried to suppress the urge to gulp out of nervousness as Yvette starts to list everything she'd done wrong in the last twenty-four hours. "You've violated countless protocols, broken several laws including grand theft auto, and someone with your reputation of being manipulated by Hydra, we're a little suspicious of what's happened -"

"Sorry." she sheepishly replies, her voice barely above a whisper. She couldn't even look Yvette in the eye after hearing the events of what had happened from her director's perspective. Yvette slams her file on the table, gaining Quinn's full attention. She was furious. "What. Happened. Cruise." she growls out, only making Quinn sink deeper into her seat. "Why are you here, sitting across your kitchen table from me and not running laps around the academy?" Quinn winces at the question, debating on whether she should answer it or not. Or, more accurately, how she could answer the question without going into too much detail.

"Answer the question, Cruise," Kat speaks up, her voice just as low and deadly as it was when they had first met. Quinn jumps at the sound of her voice. She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, still mulling over the possibilities on how to explain herself. Yvette gives Kat a side-eyed glance, who returns it, before leaning forward on the table, hand clutched in front of her.

"I don't want to take you in for questioning, but if you don't answer, you'll leave me with no choice." she threatens, watching Quinn's eyes go wide. As if she wasn't in trouble enough, being taken into questioning from the FBI would definitely show up on her record. She'd have no way of explaining herself to anyone with that. She opens her mouth, hesitating as she finds the right words on how to explain why she had done this. "I received word that a fellow mentor of mine was in trouble. I thought I could help." she vaguely explains in a calm voice.

"Your friend, Blair, correct?" Yvette adds in a deadpan tone, causing Quinn to meet her eyes once again. This time her gaze is different than bored, resentful, or apologetic. It's sparked with anger and confusion mixed together. It caused Yvette to smirk in accomplishment.

"How did you -"

"We have statements from the cadets that were also involved," Yvette explains, tapping on the file in front of her, and drawing Quinn's attention to it for a moment. "Are they -"

"Expelled?" Yvette cuts her off, making the blood drain from her face. If that was the first word to pop out of her mouth then they were definitely expelled. And she did that to them. Guilt washed over her, her hands began to tremble as she reached out to touch the side of the table to relax her nerves. "Look, I found out from Steve that Blair had gone missing and I had been creating an app that will let me track people's location - it's primarily used for my mother who has dementia - just in case she escapes. I found out where she was and forced those three to help me out," she explains long-windedly. "And where is Blair?" Yvette questions, perking a brow up.

"It's classified. That's Avengers information." Quinn nonchalantly replies, getting the best of Kat who scoffs. "She asked you a question. It's best to answer it." Kat demands, earning a dismissive wave from her director. "I'll let it slide," Yvette states, not taking her eyes off of Quinn. "So why aren't you out there finding Blair?"

"If you have the other's statements, you know why," Quinn answers shortly, before apologizing for being so short with her. The sleep deprivation was starting to take over. However, her main mission was to get them into the academy. She knew she had messed up royally but she couldn't let Rome, Lena, and Linnea take the fall for her. It didn't sit right with her. "Look, I forced them to help me. I-I threatened them if they didn't help me. They shouldn't be expelled on my behalf." she stammers out her plea, earning a half-hearted chuckle from Yvette that throws her off guard. "Oh, no, they're not expelled," she explains after her small snort of laughter. "You're getting ahead of yourself, as usual, Quinn. They're not expelled. On probation at the academy for breaking the protocol and also several laws on your espionage trip, sure, but not expelled for it."

It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. Her friends weren't expelled for her wrongdoing. She didn't know if she could go on living a normal life with that kind of guilt riding on her shoulders. She definitely wouldn't be herself if they truly had their careers thrown away for her. She lets out a small sigh of relief.

"Thank you," she whispers out, straightening up her posture. For the first time since she had gotten in the kitchen, she wanted to listen to what Yvette had to say. "You have great detective skills, Cruise. That app, what did you call it?" Yvette questions, pointing towards Quinn as if she had her phone on her. Quinn absentmindedly places her hand on her hip, checking to see if she had her phone on her. Of course, she didn't, she had shrugged off her pants with it in them when she got home. Plus her leggings didn't offer pockets, although she wished they did. "EDGE." she speaks up, placing both hands on the table.

"EDGE has potential if it can track people faster than what we use already." Yvette comments, a slight smile pulling on her lips as if she was impressed at the technology. Quinn perks her brow up. This was a total flip flop from what she had originally thought she was here for. Although it became clear what Yvette's motive was. Get the app, dispose of Quinn. Her lips tug into a frown before she speaks up. "Are you trying to buy it from me? It does more than just track location. It tracks eating habits, bathroom breaks -"

"No, we don't want to buy your tech. We want you to use it." Yvette interrupts her, catching her off guard. Her lips pout a bit as she cocks her head to the side as if her hearing had gone out. They want her to use it? Why? "What?" she questions, clearly confused. Yvette lets out a small sigh as she adjusts herself in her seat. She figured that Quinn would understand her euphemism but it clearly went above her head. "Cruise, as I said before, your detective skills are astounding. Looking up your academics they're phenomenal, you're one of the top cadets in your class," she comments, flipping through the file in front of her once again.

"Okay?" Quinn says, her voice still littered with confusion. Yvette closes her file, leaning forward and looking deep into Quinn's eyes. Of course, she still didn't understand. "We don't want you to quit. And you shouldn't because it'd be such a waste of potential."

Quinn's brows knit together out of pure confusion. "What's happening?" she asks in a huff of air. Her breathing became labored as if she were starting to have a panic attack. Maybe this was a panic attack? None of this was making any sense to her. She could tell Yvette was getting frustrated with her with each question by the way she clenched her jaw and the tightness in her shoulders, like a cat ready to pounce.

"We want you to go back to Quantico. Finish the semester with flying colors and graduate." Yvette fully explains. The sound of her voice was starting to sound foggy and muffled to Quinn as her body erupts in a cold sweat. "The only condition is that you're going to be on strict probation like you're other cadets. No contact with the outside world while you're within the area of the academy. And if you pull another stunt like this, you are out. Do I make myself clear, Cruise?"

This didn't make any sense at all. She figured this conversation would go south from the get-go. Beginning with her expulsion and maybe ending up with her getting arrested for breaking several laws. She didn't think it would end up with them wanting her to complete her training. Everything seemed to be moving so fast. She had to catch her breath before she could even answer. "Crystal," she replies, trying her best not to let the news get the best of her. She didn't want to seem like a fool when they had been so gracious.

"Thank you. Thank you so much," she states, her voice failing to suppress a quiver of delight and relief. "I can't express how grateful I am," she drones on before Yvette places a hand up for her to stop. She immediately shuts her mouth, keeping her lips pressed together in a firm line while her blue eyes lit up with excitement.

"Then pack up and say your goodbyes," Yvette instructs her, lifting herself up from the table and finishing the rest of the coffee Robin had provided her. As she places the cup near the sink of the kitchen, she turns to look at Quinn who had risen with her and was looking at her wide-eyed in shock. This was the face that she wanted to see. It caused Yvette to smile a bit. "We're leaving for Quantico in the next thirty minutes."