Disclaimer: I do not own the characters within this story. All rights and much respect go to Crown Media, Hallmark, Brian Bird, Michael Landon, Jr., the actors, creators, and writers of the show "When Calls the Heart." Any real people or places noted in the chapter are just there for storyline purposes.

Chapter 14- I'm Not Ready

Recap of the Chapter 13 ending…

With the exception of Face Time, Jack hadn't seen Elizabeth in real life for weeks. Each time he glanced into the reserved section, either his seat for Elizabeth was vacant, or the women were huddled around as a group talking.

At this point, he didn't care if they won or not; he simply wanted the game to be over. As they zeroed in on the final inning, the Mets were holding a two run lead over the Phillies.

In the top of the ninth inning, the Mets' current relief pitcher left the game with a rotator cuff issue. With a fresh relief pitcher on the mound, the Phillies went down 1-2-3, serving up a win to the Mets.

Jack was so excited to see Elizabeth that he rushed through shaking hands with his opponents and ran for the locker room.

At the far end of the field, Elizabeth did her best to maneuver through the crowds, knowing this time where she needed to be to meet up with Jack. She felt as if she was in a pack of locust, buzzing as a group from one place and then the next. Luckily the group was going in her desired direction or she'd never have been able to break free.

Elizabeth broke through most of the crowd as they exited the gate to the parking lot. She continued with a second group of spectators toward the locker rooms as they had their pens and paper out looking for autographs.

As Jack stepped out of the locker room he immediately began looking for Elizabeth. Unfortunately the first woman he saw was Selma.

"What are you doing here?" He asked; his tone was rather curt.

"Look Jack, I'm leaving to do some modeling in London. I just wanted to say goodbye."

"I said goodbye before…"

"Jack, can I just get a hug. I'm leaving, and you're free to live your life."

Realizing now that Elizabeth had not picked up her ticket, he hugged Selma, hoping to send her on her way and out of his life.

"Don't you remember how good we were together?" she leaned back slightly and before he could answer, her lips captured his.

Elizabeth broke through the remaining group of fans who were standing around waiting for autographs when she saw them…

JACK… she opened her mouth to scream, but there was nothing but silence.

Jack's hands on her shoulders pushed Selma back slightly, "Why did you…" In the middle of his reprimand he saw Elizabeth, and he observed the devastation and disappointment in her eyes.

He pushed Selma away, "Elizabeth, wait…" he yelled as she disappear into the mass of people leaving the stadium.

He rushed through the crowd but she was gone. It was as if she had literally vanished.

Now on with our story…

Jack ran through the crowd and out into the parking lot. As cars whizzed by, his eyes darted about, looking for the courtesy car used by the hotel concierge. Seeing nothing that resembled the Excursion he had seen previously parked at the hotel, he pulled out his phone.

His hands were shaking as he dialed her number. He nervously paced as fans stopped and watched, wanting to approach for autographs but getting an eerie feeling that now was not the time.

He impatiently waited as the call connected.

Sitting at the stop light heading out of the park, Elizabeth wiped her eyes. The tears continued to fall freely and it felt much like driving a vehicle in a downpour without windshield wipers. Her view was cloudy; she was devastated, and had no idea where to go.

She pulled over into an adjacent parking lot as the sound of her phone ringing startled her. Glancing at the screen she saw his face. The anger she felt overwhelmed her as she realized what a fool she had been.

Pushing the button to end the call brought about both sadness and outrage. She was infuriated by her apparent naïveté and gullibility. However, sadness washed over her as she thought about losing the love that she had always dreamed of and until a few moments ago, had believed she'd found.

Jack listened, silently begging her to answer the phone. He took a frustrated breath and listened to her voice…

"Hi, you've reached 555-721-1832. I'm sorry but I'm either away from my phone or unavailable at this time. If you would like to leave your name, phone number and a message, I will get back with you as soon as possible. Thanks, and have a great day…BEEP"

"Elizabeth, I don't want to talk by phone. I know what you saw, but it wasn't what you think, and you've got to give me a chance to explain. Please call me."

Hearing the all too familiar beep on her phone signifying a message, she immediately clicked the app for her voicemail, and pressed delete.

Back at the stadium, Jack walked through the gate and toward the locker room to grab his bag.

"So you came back…"

"Selma, you don't even want to talk to me right now. I'm so angry…why did you do that?"

"Jack, I just wanted to remind you of what you were missing…"

"Do you want to know what I'm missing?" Jack asked as he took Selma's arm and led her just inside the door to the office; hoping to keep what he had to say away from prying eyes and listening ears.

Selma smiled, assuming that he wanted to be alone with her for romantic reasons. "I knew you missed me."

"Do you have any idea what I'm missing?"

"Apparently me…" She stepped closer as her hands started to work their way up his arms.

"Stop it; why did you do that…this, all of this. You took her ticket, trying to ingratiate yourself back into my life and the kiss…" he yelled as he backed several steps away from her.

"Jack, admit it, you enjoyed the kiss. After all, I'm a super model. What man wouldn't want to be with a super model?"

"No, I can't even talk to you. You have it in your head that we will start up where we left off. Selma, you don't even want me…not really. Be honest with yourself, be honest with me, you only want me because I've moved on."

"That's not true, Jack. I've always loved you."

"Well you're type of love is not what I want. I told you before how I feel about Elizabeth; she is everything to me. I'm sorry if this hurts you, but she is all I've ever really wanted."

Jack's heart was pounding so loudly that he could hear the thumping in his ears above his own ranting. "Do you want to know what I'm missing? That beautiful woman who just left this stadium is the love of my life and she's gone. I have no idea where to find her, and if I did, I doubt that she will ever speak to me again."

Tears filled his eyes as he quickly wiped them, "But I'm going to do my best to find her, and hope that she'll let me explain."

Jack turned around and started for the door. Before stepping outside he turned back around. He noticed that if Selma was truly in love with him, turning her away appeared to have little if any impact on her emotional state.

"Selma, we're done. Don't call or text me, and although I can't keep you from the stadium, I'm asking you to just stay away."

Jack stepped outside, and in his anger he wanted desperately to slam the door, but with a slow closing mechanism, it wasn't designed to close quickly, so his final means of showing his displeasure was a flop.

Jack rushed to his car and left the parking lot like a man on a mission. He drove immediately to the hotel hoping that she had checked in and Mason had brought her to the stadium.

The valet took his car as he ran inside.

"Hi, Mr. Thornton, are you okay?"

"Ms. Thatcher, did Mason bring her back from the stadium yet?"

"I'm sorry sir, but she didn't check in yet."

Jack said nothing, but spun on his heels and headed back outside. In the mass of people rushing throughout the city, there was no way on Earth that he would find her.

Unfortunately for Jack, the Mets had games over the weekend at Citi Field before they flew out to San Diego to play the Padres on Monday. His only hope right now was that she would call or text him, but at this moment, he had little faith that he would ever hear from her again.

Elizabeth stopped by the gas station, filled up her tank, grabbed a tall cup of coffee and a pack of nabs and found her way to the interstate. With the radio initially blaring to keep her awake, song after song reminded her of Jack, or Jack and her. Unfortunately, there was also one song, Reunited by Peaches and Herb, that brought the visual of Jack kissing Selma to mind and the uneasy feeling that it would never disappear.

I was a fool to ever leave your side
Me minus you is such a lonely ride
The breakup we had has made me lonesome and sad
I realize I love you
'Cause I want you bad, hey, hey

I spent the evening with the radio
Regret the moment that I let you go
Our quarrel was such a way of learning so much
I know now that I love you
'Cause I need your touch, hey, hey

Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited 'cause we understood
There's one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
'Cause we're reunited, hey, hey

I sat here staring at the same old wall
Came back to life just when I got your call
I wished I could climb right through the telephone line
And give you what you want
So you will still be mine, hey, hey

I can't go cheating, honey, I can't play
I found it very hard to stay away
As we reminisce on precious moments like this
I'm glad we're back together
'Cause I missed your kiss, hey, hey

Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited 'cause we understood
There's one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
'Cause we're reunited, hey, hey

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Ba-a-a-by

Lover, lover, this is solid love
And you're exactly what I'm dreaming of
All through the day
And all through the night

I'll give you all the love I have
With all my might, hey, hey

Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited 'cause we understood
There's one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
'Cause we're reunited, hey, hey

Elizabeth felt her chest tighten with each word. She attempted to change radio stations using the buttons on her steering wheel, but only managed to make the radio louder.

As the song ended Elizabeth pulled off the highway. Seeing a sign for a Red Roof Inn, she followed the arrows, pulling into the parking lot two miles down on the left.

Seeing her mascara streaked face, the female hotel clerk asked, "Ma'am, are you okay?"

Elizabeth attempted to restrain her tears as she spoke, "If you have a boyfriend, I have a piece of advice for you…dump him; they're a waste of your time."

"O…K…, would you like a room?"

"Yes…"

After paying for the room, Elizabeth obtained her key and headed back to her car. Luckily she received a room on the first floor and pulled her car right up to her door. She grabbed her carry-on and her bag before heading inside.

Elizabeth jumped in the shower, hoping that the water would wash away the embarrassment and humiliation she felt. Unfortunately although the embarrassment disappeared, it was quickly replaced by an overall feeling of regret that she'd broken her own rule and allowed Jack into her life.

Jack grabbed a beer and sat on his balcony as the cool breeze blowing from the north chilled him. He fiddled with his phone, pushing button after button until her entire phone number covered his screen. The only button he couldn't seem to push now was "send."

He did manage to push the app for messages, and typed out a text…

"Please don't shut me out. It's not what u think, but I'm still sorry it happened. Talk 2 me, Elizabeth. Let me explain…"

Elizabeth's phone chimed, signifying a text. As her stomach churned, tears fell and hands shook, she answered his plea… "I asked about her, u lied 2 me. I've listened & believed u r words. No more. Don't call, text or visit. Lose my #. I don't want 2 see u again. U really r just like the others…"

Jack was initially encouraged that she responded so quickly until he began to read. He knew she was angry and she had every right to be, he understood that, but he also realized that he had to find a way to talk to her. He had to find a way to explain what happened; that he was wrong for assuming that Selma's advance's were innocent and had no agenda; that he was sorry that he hurt her, and whether or not she ever forgave him, he needed her to understand that he was not the villain she was now portraying him to be.

Elizabeth sat on the side of her hotel bed wondering how this happened; how was it that she allowed him to shatter her so profoundly. Did it have anything to do with her desire to remain a virgin until she married? After all, he wasn't the first man who told her that he'd wait only to stray into the arms of another to satisfy those needs.

Did he tell her that he'd wait, only to laugh behind her back as he lay in the arms of another woman? She prayed that this was all a dream, but with the visual of Jack kissing Selma playing over and over again in her head as the theme song from "Jaws" loomed in the background, she knew that this was now her reality.

Elizabeth pulled her journal from her bag, but somehow the cover seemed heavy, and she was unable to open it. Maybe she simply didn't want to see the happier entries, only to realize that she had been duped. Or possibly it was that in expressing her feelings it would put Jack in her past and subconsciously she wasn't ready to do that. Whatever the reason, she placed her journal back in her bag.

She didn't like running away from her journal, as it had always brought her eventual peace and comfort. In this case she didn't expect the peace to be immediate, but as her heart pounded and her palms sweat, she again reached into her bag and pulled out her journal, once considered to be her friend and now, her nemesis.

She pried open the cover and flipped through to the next blank page. She clicked her pen open and attempted to pour everything she felt into her words…

"Deception is the devil's handiwork. It leads us to believe the heart is true, when in reality you sit back and laugh while our blood pours from the wounds that you cause. Relationship after relationship ends in the same manner as trust is broken, yet we are expected to simply accept the outcome and move on. I'm asked again to trust, yet I find it difficult to do so while coughing up water from the last time I was held under.

A relationship, based on trust, can be quickly and irreparably shattered, lost forever. The feelings attached are quite confusing…anger, loss, sadness, guilt, fear and shame, all of which impact our future decisions. We feel the pain, but truly what is worse…the shock over what happened, or the heartache over what never will?

Promises are made to never hurt the ones we love, but they are just as quickly broken. We trust; we let others in and without thought or consideration we are destroyed. We want the fairytale were someone loves us enough to put us first; where we are their favorite 'hello' and their most difficult 'goodbye.' We want to be the first thing they think of in the morning, and the very person they dream of at night. But as time passes, we find that they've moved on leaving us shattered, left alone to pick up the broken pieces of our lives.

What I feel for you is real, so real that I am now so sad that I physically ache. But even in my sadness I will accept this as a learning experience, for everything that happens in our lives, good and bad, should be viewed as such. You've taught me that no matter how prepared I believe I am that I will never be ready for what life throws at me. I will stumble over my words when I need them the most, and my heart, though shattered, will eventually heal, although it will contain a gaping hole of your handprint.

Jack, your expressions of love slipped through your lips as you so easily made me believe them. What a performance, as I would never have suspected the cheating and deception that you employed. Apparently it was impossible to break free from your prior relationship, because if you truly loved me, being faithful would have been easy."

Elizabeth grabbed a Kleenex from the box on the table as she attempted to catch the tears as they opened her suitcase and pulled out her pajamas, but simply feeling defeated she dropped them to the floor, curled up in bed and slept in her clothes.

In their respective rooms, one hundred miles apart, they lay in bed, eyes closed but even in the darkness each one had the visual of the other in their head. They tossed and turned as the blankets became wrapped around them, holding them tight, much like a cocoon.

It was now 4am; Jack sat on his sofa, his elbows resting on his thighs as his hands rubbed harshly up and down his face. His heart ached as he worried about Elizabeth, wondering where she was, and if she was okay.

He thought about how baseball had been both a blessing and a barrier in his life. The blessing was that his job brought them together and now, his occupation, with games coming up on the West Coast would be the barrier that keeps him from going to her, fighting for her.

Elizabeth saw no point in remaining in the hotel. She couldn't sleep and her room looked much like laundry day in a dorm with bedding and clothes lying all over the floor.

All it took was her sitting up on the bed, resting her arms on her legs and seeing the Pandora bracelet and charms he'd given her to start the tears flowing again. She removed the bracelet from her wrist and tossed it into her bag with plans to send it back to him via mail once she returned home.

With her suitcase in hand, she packed her car and was back on the road heading home at 4:30am. She made decent time, and pulled into her driveway at 8:15, just as Brenda exited her house having fed and turned out Lizzie.

"You're home early…what's wrong, Elizabeth?"

"Nothing," she replied as she grabbed her bag from the trunk and started for the door.

"Don't tell me nothing…you look exhausted, your eyes are bloodshot and you're home much earlier than I anticipated. Please, what happened?"

"Do you have a few minutes to come inside?" Elizabeth asked.

"Sure, come on…"

Brenda followed Elizabeth inside and watched as she bent down and picked up her hefty English bulldog to hug.

"Would you like a cup of coffee?" Elizabeth asked.

"Only if you're making some. Don't do it just for me."

"I need some…" Elizabeth stated as she dropped three scoops of coffee grounds in her Mr. Coffee, and poured in a pot of water. She pushed the button to start and then took a seat at the kitchen table with Brenda.

"What happened, Elizabeth?"

"Do you remember me asking you the other day about the Page Six TV show?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with you?"

"The story was about a baseball player, Jack Thornton, who plays…"

"For the Mets. Jimmy thinks of him as his #MCM (Man Crush Monday), why?"

"Jack and I were dating and he was who I was going to visit this weekend."

"You are dating Jack Thornton?"

"The optimum phrase is that we were dating, and don't look so surprised."

"No, I'm sorry; I'm not surprised that he would fall for you. I just didn't know you knew him. Oh wait, he came here for a while. Of course you met him. Okay, so what happened and what does it have to do with Page Six?"

"Jack used to date Selma Bartucci?"

"The super model?"

"Yes…"

"You are every bit as beautiful, and I'll bet your heart is kinder."

"Well, the story they had on Page Six showed pictures of Jack and Selma at lunch with her hands on him and one of him walking out of her apartment building carrying an overnight bag."

"So what did he say about it?"

Elizabeth got up from her seat and poured two cups of coffee before returning to the table. "Would you like creamer and sugar?"

"Yes please."

Elizabeth walked back to the kitchen, grabbed the creamer and sugar and returned to the kitchen table where she took her seat.

"Thank you," Brenda stated as she pulled three packets of Splenda from the container and poured the creamer into her cup. "So, what did he say about what you saw?"

"He really didn't say anything."

"Did he admit it?"

"He didn't have to say anything. I went to the game and afterward I was going to find him…" her eyes watered and she stopped talking.

"Did you find him?"

"He was tonsil diving in Selma's mouth."

"What? Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure; the visual is burnt in my memory."

"Well kissing, and tonsil diving can be two different things. Were their tongues involved?

"Brenda, I know what it looks like when two people kiss."

"I know that, Elizabeth, but when you're in shock sometimes the eyes think they see things. I'm just saying that it may not be what you think you saw. Did he kiss her or did she kiss him?"

"Does it even matter?"

"I certainly think so. Why would he kiss her when he was expecting you to be there?"

"Well, he knew I was coming but he left a ticket for Selma; I had to buy a ticket to get inside. I can only assume that she sat in the Wives and Girlfriends section. Maybe this was his way of telling me that we were through."

"You don't really believe that, do you?"

"I don't know what to believe."

"Did he leave a ticket for Selma, or did she happen to arrive before you and take yours?"

"I don't know. All I can see in my mind is the visual of them together."

"Has he called you?"

"He's called and texted, but I'm done. I never understood why he wanted me anyway. When she came back on the scene it was just a matter of time before they got back together and I was out."

"How do you feel about him, Elizabeth?"

"I don't like the word 'hate,' but right now I'm so close to it that I almost feel eaten up inside."

"Do you know why you feel that way?"

"Is this free counseling advice?"

"I'm sorry, but when I see someone that I care about hurting the training just clicks in. So, that being said, my question still stands."

"Okay, I'll bite…why do I feel this way?"

"Because you love him, but he hurt you. He knocked you down and you're devastated. But Elizabeth, you aren't broken."

Brenda reached over and covered Elizabeth's hand with her own, "You never thought that he would cause you such pain. But unfortunately people we love hurt us, it happens. They don't mean to, but we are all human, and if you do love him, you owe it yourself, to him, and your relationship to talk. You deserve the truth, and maybe you have it, but maybe, just maybe you don't."

"Maybe you're right, but I've never trusted baseball players, and when I do, I get…" her voice trailed off.

"Well, I don't know him, but he can't be a bad guy and do all the good he does with the charities he's involved in. I'm just sayin' if I were you, I'd give him a chance to explain."

"I can't promise anything, but I will think about what you've said."

Throughout the day she periodically picked up her phone trying to decide if she should contact him, but she was never able to and the phone always found its way back onto the table.

The games on Saturday and Sunday were against the St. Louis Cardinals and although Jack consistently stated that he was fine, his game took a major hit, it's just unfortunate that it wasn't with his bat.

On Saturday night, Jack struck out twice, grounded out at first, and hit a high fly foul ball, caught by the third baseman. Following the Mets disappointing 2-0 loss, the players quietly headed into the locker room.

"Jack…" Pat Roessler, the Mets batting coach caught his attention.

"Yes sir…"

"Can I talk to you?"

Jack walked into Coach Roessler's office, "I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong."

"Take a seat, Jack. You know, when players tell me that they don't know what's going on, I find that they really do. I'm going to take a stab at this…did you break up with someone?"

Jack sat down, rested his elbows on his thighs as his hands came together with his chin resting between his thumbs and forefingers. "I'm fine, sir."

"Jack, you aren't fine, and it's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but just know that these next games are important to us. Get your head back in the game or I'll need to see about pulling you out until you do, okay?"

"I understand."

Following his shower, Jack walked out of the locker room into a group of players. "Hey Jack, come on and go out with us."

"No thank you. I appreciate it, but I'm just going home," he stated as he walked out the gate and directly to his car. Before the group of players had exited the stadium, Jack was already pulling out of the parking lot.

Once he reached his apartment, he changed into a pair of shorts and crawled into bed. He was exhausted, having not slept the night before, but he wasn't so certain that sleep would come to him tonight either.

Lying in the darkness he couldn't seem to settle. He turned on his lamp and grabbed his phone from the bedside table. Still nothing from Elizabeth and although he wanted to give her time, he was fearful that too much space between them would only weaken their relationship further.

"I need 2 talk to u. Please, can we just talk…?" he stared at the text for what seemed like a lifetime before pushing "send."

Elizabeth heard her phone chime and grabbed it from the table but sat with it in her hand not certain how to respond. Thinking back to the advice Brenda gave her she simply replied, "I'm not ready…"

"I'm worried about u. R u OK…?"

"Don't assume that u can break me. I was fine b4 u, and I'll b fine after u…"

"Please don't say that; don't act like we're thru. Can I call u…? I need 2 hear u r voice…"

"I'm not ready, Jack…"

"When…?"

"I don't know…"

Although they were four hours apart, Jack and Elizabeth lay in their respective beds, with thoughts of the other spinning in their heads. It was another night of dream shattered sleep for each of them.

Jack woke at 4:15am, pulled on a t-shirt and left his bedroom. At the same time, Elizabeth slipped out of bed to turn Lizzie out.

"Come on, girl. I'm sorry; I forgot to turn you out before bedtime."

Elizabeth stepped out onto her patio and sat on the deck.

Jack stepped out onto his balcony and chose to sit in the dark.

Though they were two hundred miles apart, at that exact moment, unbeknownst to them, they were sitting under the same clear sky; thinking of each other and wishing upon the same beautiful stars.

To be continued…