Disclaimer: I do not own the characters within this story. All rights and much respect go to Crown Media, Hallmark, Brian Bird, Michael Landon, Jr., the actors, creators, and writers of the show "When Calls the Heart." Any real people or places noted in the chapter are just there for storyline purposes.
**STEAM ALERT**
Chapter 33- Needs and Wants
**STEAM ALERT**
Okay, so I know I listed **STEAM ALERT** twice, well 3 times if you count this one, just know that Jack and Elizabeth are still on their honeymoon, so enter at your own risk!
Feeling the first bit of sun breaking through the slight crack in the blinds on the balcony door, Elizabeth stretched. Her time with Jack in the previous days since their wedding had been a whirlwind of emotions. They were leaving San Francisco today to drive down the Pacific Coast Highway, planning to spend the night in Big Sur. However, each place they'd stayed and everywhere they'd made love became special to her and she had no desire to move on, fearing that once they left, the strong emotions would disappear as well.
Elizabeth rolled over on her side and propped up on her bent arm resting her head in her open hand, as she watched Jack sleep. Part of her wanted to wake him, hoping to make love once more before they left what she considered to be a magical city. But then again, they would be in Big Sur this afternoon, and watching him sleep made her realize how exhausted he must be and there was no way they could keep up this pace.
Her fingers gently brushed across his cheek as he inhaled deeply and she laughed softly. She remembered her friends from school telling her that they barely left their hotel rooms on their honeymoons. Wondering why they would forego sightseeing in places like Rome, and Hawaii, after her first night with Jack she knew that she was what her friends would call 'hooked.'
Elizabeth glanced at the clock sitting patiently on the bedside table just waiting to ring at the desired time. Realizing that it was barely 7am, Jack was still sleeping soundly and she was on vacation from work, she did what she rarely ever did, she lay back down and closed her eyes.
Laying still and feeling his warm skin pressed against her body she knew that there was no way that she could fall back to sleep, at least, not yet.
Her lips pressed gently against his bare chest tasting the saltiness of his skin. She felt him stir slightly as her hand slipped under the sheet and her fingers slowly walked down his chest as her lips followed, kissing every inch of skin as she disappeared under the bedding.
Her fingers slipped under the elastic band of his boxers and she felt his body tighten slightly. Still new to making love, the male body and how it all worked, although his eyes remained closed and he didn't utter a word, she softly laughed as his rigid firmness tented the sheet, showing that at least part of his body was awake.
Feeling more love for this woman than he'd ever felt for anyone in his entire life, Jack was afraid to open his eyes; partly because something that felt that good couldn't be real, and partly because he didn't want it to end.
His fingers strummed along her back in tiny geometric designs, no rhyme or reason and mostly involuntary as every feeling throughout his entire body was pulled within himself.
Each time he was intimate with Elizabeth felt as though it was the first time, with new feelings, sensations and emotions consuming him. His hand on her arm pulled her from under the covers and up his body until they were eye to eye.
"Was I doing it wrong?" she whispered.
Following a smile and a hard breath, he quickly responded, "No, you were doing it very much right. That is one hell of a wakeup call."
"It's time to get up…oh wait, you already are," she teased referencing his erection which was now pressing into her hip.
Jack rolled her over on her back as his upper body covered hers, "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" Although he asked the question, she was unable to formulate any response before his lips pressed firmly against hers.
Her lips opened slightly against the pressure of his tongue as it slid along the inside of her mouth. The sighs and murmurs as he touched the soft skin on the inside of her mouth let him know that she was also enjoying herself.
His hand rested along her cheekbone as his thumb gently stroked her skin. She reached up and wiped a tear that fell down his cheek.
"Are you okay?" she whispered.
"I've never been better in my life. Do you have any idea how much I love you?"
Again his lips met hers before she could respond. Their lips were like magnets, neither one wanted to let go, but with each kiss, as their respiration increased, the passion grew.
His fingers traced up her arm from her wrist to her shoulder, slipping under the spaghetti strap of her negligee. His fingers gently moved back and forth as his lips traced along her collarbone down her cleavage between her covered breasts.
His hand held the hem of her satin garment, rolling it between his fingers as he moved it up her body exposing her thighs and matching panties. She lifted her bottom slightly from the mattress as Jack continued to roll the material up her body, revealing her bare stomach and eventually her firm, and what he considered to be perfectly shaped breasts.
The negligee was slipped over her head and dropped off the bed as her panties quickly joined, leaving the sexy outfit in a sea of satin on the floor.
His hand, firm yet tender, rested on her waist, as his lips gently kissed the skin on her chest. As his lips covered her left breast, she felt her back involuntarily arch, as she pressed her body closer to him. His tongue brushed across her nipple as she felt her body shudder against his. She wasn't certain if it was his tongue on her left breast, or his thumb brushing across her right, either way she felt her chest heaving, her respiration increasing and her desire for more consuming her.
His hands moved across her body and with each movement, it was evident that he was touching aching flesh. As he pleasured her beyond her wildest imagination, she clutched the pillow, pulling it over her face as her hands held tightly to the bedding, anything to keep her grounded.
Jack pulled the pillow from her face, "Please don't hide; I want to see the pleasure in your face."
Jack pulled his boxers down his legs and dropped them to the floor on top of her negligee and panties. If cotton and satin didn't usually belong together, both materials found themselves resting comfortably on the floor, knowing that throughout the years to come, their respective owners would place them in similar situations.
Jack reached for the condom that he'd originally placed on the bedside table the night before but it was sadly left unused.
"Do you have to suit up…" she stated, covering her face with embarrassment when she realized what she'd said.
"Suit up…where did that come from?" he asked.
"I'm sorry; it's just something my friends say."
"Is there a problem with me wearing a condom?"
She said nothing but shook her head back and forth.
As she watched him open the wrapper and slip to on, she was slightly saddened. Knowing in her heart that she wanted to have a baby, she also realized that right here, right now was not the time to bring the topic up for discussion.
Jack moved his body between her legs as Elizabeth bent her knees in anticipation. Her hand gently slipped him inside of her as her pelvis began to slowly rise from the mattress as if she was searching for something in the air.
They began a slow rhythm, and each time he withdrew slightly from her she ached for him, missing him until he again pressed deep inside of her.
His strokes were hard as she felt his breath, warm and rapid against her neck. Elizabeth felt as though her body was on fire, branded by him as they quickly became one. Each of them so close to the edge that everything inside of them contracted.
As she rose to meet each thrust, they climber the mountain of desire together, leaping off as their bodies exploded with pleasure.
Jack's lips met hers for one final kiss before collapsing beside her. No words were spoken as each one did their best to simply breathe. Generally an involuntary occurrence, neither one felt as though they were getting enough air. As she lay in his arms, each one realized that if death came at this moment, they were both completely satisfied.
Slowly their breathing returned to normal, "I'm sorry that I fell asleep on you last night."
Jack rose up and kissed her forehead, "Well, I'd have to say that the wakeup call you gave me this morning was well worth the wait," he stated before falling back on the bed.
"May I ask you something?" she asked as her arms across his chest held her resting chin.
"Of course," he replied, a sense of concern was noted in his tone.
"Will we always be like this?" she asked.
"Honey, we'll always love each other."
"No, that's not what I mean. Will we always have time for each other; you know to be like this?"
His fingers slipped through her hair brushing a few errant strands behind her ear, "Right now is a very special time, us just being us, no worries, and right now, no responsibilities. At some point that will change and we'll need to make time for each other."
She glanced down, almost embarrassed to look into his eyes, "But how will we do that with you on one coast and me on the other?"
His finger under her chin lifted her eyes to his, "You could come with me."
"Jack, I can't leave in the middle of the year. I have students trying to get into college, and I can't leave them. Many of them I've known for years. I can't abandon them," holding the sheet to her chest, she sat up. "But I don't want us to drift apart."
Not seeing himself without her for days, let alone weeks, his hand gently rubbed her back. "We won't, and you can fly out on weekends, or during breaks. You can even fly to where we're playing. I don't have to stay with the team. I can get us a hotel room."
Not wanting to worry him, she hesitantly smiled, "We'll do whatever we have to."
"Elizabeth," he called out to her causing her to turn around. "You are the single most important thing in my life. I'll do whatever I have to do to keep our life as it is right now." As he lay back, his hands on her shoulders brought her body along with him, resting her head on his chest.
She worked her way up to his lips, meeting his with her own, "I love you so much, and I don't ever want anything to happen to change the way we feel right now, but I know life changes, and needs change."
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, "We fought too hard to be together not to fight to keep what we've found." Jack held her until he felt her breathing calm.
Several hours later, Jack loaded their suitcases into their rented SUV and they began their journey from San Francisco, up Highway 1, with a planned stop for the night at Big Sur, California.
Once they made their way out of the city traffic, Jack reached over and took her hand. His thumb gently rubbed across her skin as she watched out the window, enjoying the beautiful scenery.
"It's beautiful out here, Jack."
"You know, you can move out here."
Elizabeth glanced in his direction, "After the school year. I don't have anything holding me to Baltimore after I get my kids into college."
"Are you hungry?" he asked.
"I'm starving…"
Jack pulled off the highway in Santa Cruz and pulled up to "The Picnic Basket," a popular café, known by the locals and travelers alike.
They sat outside and enjoyed the sunshine and 70 degree weather. Elizabeth ordered a chicken wrap, while Jack decided on a pulled pork sandwich.
While waiting on their food, Elizabeth's eyes caught a young family sitting on the opposite side of the patio. She smiled at the husband and wife who appeared to be in their mid twenties as they tended to a toddler in a high chair and an infant quietly sleeping in a stroller.
Jack watched Elizabeth's expression as she seemed to be mesmerized by this family. He knew her well enough to know that she was feeling a pull toward having a baby, and although he wanted a family with her, they'd just gotten married and he was somewhat selfish in that he didn't want to give up his private time between them.
Jack truly wanted to give her everything, and if she pushed to have a baby, he'd relent, but as he thought about the situation, he felt that maybe a better time would be for them to wait until after Elizabeth moved out to the west coast permanently. Having her pregnant and living on the opposite coast would be concerning for him.
Although he was aware that not saying what's on your mind was not always the best course of action, in case he was misreading the situation, he decided to wait until Elizabeth broached the subject.
She seemed to be lost in thought as the family packed up, threw away their trash and headed to the parking lot.
As they walked back toward their SUV, Jack took her hand and led her toward the water. Elizabeth couldn't deny that the feel of the sun on her face was refreshing, providing her body with the vitamin D that she knew it craved.
Standing down by the water, Jack's hand slipped behind her head as he pulled her closer to him until their lips met. He found her lips to be cold but warmed immediately upon his touch as he tasted a hint of strawberry from the sundae or the lip gloss she'd applied just before lunch. Either way, strawberry was now his favorite fruit, although he knew that would change with whatever flavor he tasted on her lips.
Jack and Elizabeth continued down Highway 1 toward Big Sur. The inside of the SUV was uncharacteristically quiet as Jack and Elizabeth listened to the radio and did some much needed soul searching.
Elizabeth had asked several times where they were staying for the night, but Jack, remaining somewhat cryptic, wanted the arrangements to be a surprise.
At one point when they pulled over to fill up with gas, she observed Jack standing inside waiting to pay with his cell phone in his hand apparently texting someone.
When he returned to the SUV she asked, "Is everything okay?"
"Yes, why?"
"Were you texting someone?"
"Oh that…it was nothing."
They continued along the winding highway, as the breathtakingly beautiful views of the water down below them kept calling out to Elizabeth.
"Jack, can we stop? I need some pictures," she asked.
"Of course honey," he replied as he pulled off at the next available spot.
Elizabeth grabbed her cell phone and jumped out of the SUV walking to the edge of the cliff.
"Elizabeth, be careful," Jack yelled out as she stepped closer to get the perfect shot.
Jack rushed up behind her and slipped his hand through the belt on the back of her jeans.
Elizabeth attempted to spin around but found as he held her fast movements were impossible. "What are you doing?"
"I'm making sure that you don't fall."
Elizabeth stepped back as he released her, "My grandmother did that when I was a little kid."
"What; held you by the belt?"
"No, we were on a dock fishing and she was afraid that I'd get too excited and fall overboard, so she tied a rope around my waist and sat in a chair about six feet behind me. Let's just say, I wasn't going anywhere," she explained as both of them laugh, breaking some of the tension that each one felt, neither discussed nor even understood.
Elizabeth took pictures to capture this moment and several videos of the waves crashing over the rock formations protruding from the Pacific Ocean's floor. She felt certain that when she and Jack were separated, the sounds would bring her back to this magical trip.
Back to the SUV they went continuing down Highway 1 into Big Sur, arriving late in the afternoon. As they headed into the wooded area of Big Sur, Jack turned down a private lane which led to a stone driveway and a privacy gate. Jack punched in the security code as both watched the gate slowly open and they drove through continuing on to a beautiful house with a stone front and a circular entryway staircase.
Jack grabbed the suitcases from the back of the SUV as they entered their home for the night.
The house was open and airy with floor to ceiling windows throughout allowing for a breathtaking view of the mountains. The entire home was beautifully decorated with a stone fireplace in the den along with two sofas and a sliding glass door which opened onto a patio.
The kitchen was huge with an island in the middle that was big enough to accommodate four bar stools.
"What's all this?" Elizabeth asked as she observed several bags on the counter and a note…"I put the steaks and some of the other stuff you ordered in the refrigerator. Enjoy… Mason."
"Its dinner…steaks, salad and potatoes with cheesecake for dessert," he advised.
"So that's who you tested…" she commented.
As they walked down the hallway, Elizabeth stepped into the master bedroom which had a king size bed, arched windows, and French doors which led out to a private balcony and a lighted hot tub.
Elizabeth stepped into the master bathroom, "Jack, look at this…I think this room is bigger than the first floor of my townhouse."
"Honey, when you come out to LA I'll have a house built for you; whatever you want, you can have it."
"Jack, this is very nice, but I'm a simple girl. I don't really need a lot," just the thought of those words brought her back to one thing she wanted, but the eventual outcome would not be solely up to her.
As the sun began to set, Jack suggested, "Would you like to get in the hot tub while I cook dinner?"
"You aren't going to join me?" she sounded disappointed.
"Maybe for a little while; I just don't want the steaks to burn. You go change and I'll get everything together and meet you outside.
Elizabeth slipped into her bathing suit, a tankini with black bottoms and black halter top with flowers along the bust and hem.
When she stepped outside, sitting on the candle lit railing was a bottle of champagne and two flute glasses. Having put the potatoes in the oven, Jack stood by the grill preparing to cook the steaks as she stepped around the corner wearing her monogrammed bathrobe.
He lowered the lid to the grill, "You look beautiful," he stated as she observed his bright smile and deep dimples.
"Sure that you don't want to join me?" she asked as she dropped her bathrobe and slipped into the hot tub, submerging herself up to her shoulders in the very warm water.
"Maybe later," he stated as he grabbed the glasses of champagne and walked over to the hot tub.
Jack handed her a glass as he bent down and allowed his lips to graze her cheek. "I love you Elizabeth. This time with you has been more than I ever dreamed possible. I just don't want our alone time to end."
Without coming right out and saying how they felt, each one had hinted to their feelings on the matter in their conversations during the day. Each one knew how they personally felt but it was evident that they weren't listening to the clues provided by the other.
Elizabeth sat in the hot tub as she watched Jack getting things ready for dinner. Feeling bad, she stood up and stepped out onto the deck, wrapped herself in her robe and walked inside to check on the baked potatoes.
With dinner ready, they sat out on the patio furniture around a warm fire pit and enjoyed the breathtaking sunset. They each made small talk about the beautiful mountains, gorgeous view, and the peace and quiet of their location until…
"Jack, can I ask you something?"
And with those six little words…Here is comes… "What's on your mind?" as if he didn't already know.
She glanced down at her salad as she began, tossing the ingredients about her plate, "I know we've talked about kids… when do you see yourself being ready to try?"
"Honey, I'm enjoying the practice."
"I'm aware of that, and I do too, but I was wondering when maybe you would want to stop using birth control?"
"Is that what the suit up comment was about?"
"Oh, please don't remind me, but yes, I guess so."
"Honey," he reached over to the chair beside him and took hold of her hand, "I love you and I want children with you, but right now isn't a good time." He observed the color drain from her face as her soft, hesitant smile disappeared.
"I know we've just gotten married, but I'm thirty years old…"
"Babe, your biological clock can't be ticking that fast," he snickered as he attempted to lighten the mood.
"Jack, this isn't funny. I'm okay if you don't want children right now, but can we agree that we start at least within the next few years?"
"YEARS?"
"Why are you yelling at me?"
Jack stood up from his seat and walked around the fire, taking a seat beside her on the loveseat. He put his arm around her and pulled her close, "I'm sorry, I wasn't yelling; I was shocked."
"Shocked…"
"You have to know that I would do anything for you, anything to make you happy."
"I am happy, Jack."
"I am too, but this is bothering you or you wouldn't have brought it up. So, I do want to have children with you, honey, that's no secret. But with you on the east coast and me on the west…"
She cut in, "Getting pregnant may be an issue…"
They each turned their bodies to face the other, "I'm not worried about us making a baby," he released a hard breath that sounded much like a soft laugh. "I believe that it will happen when the time is right. However, the thought of you being pregnant and 3000 miles away would kill me."
"So maybe this summer we could start trying…I mean after I move out to LA?"
"I'd be ready then, but I'm hoping that we can continue practicing, because you know what they say…?"
"What…?"
"Elizabeth you were a teacher once; practice makes perfect," he stated as both of them laughed.
"Well, maybe I should go on the Pill until we're ready to try for a baby…"
"No, I don't want you putting those hormones in your system. The condoms will work just fine," he commented.
"Not if you aren't wearing one. Jack, we made love once when you didn't wear one…"
"Twice, and I'm sorry; I just lose control when you're around."
"Well that's why maybe I should do the Pill or another form of birth control."
"No, I just don't think that the hormones that are put into your body are good for you."
"Oh and when did you get your medical degree?" she asked with a slight nervous laugh.
"I'm serious; I just don't think it's good for you."
"Okay, condoms win then, but remember, they only work if you wear them."
With the topic of babies out in the open, and each ones feelings splayed on the table for dissecting, they sat quietly on the patio, his arm around her shoulders as they enjoyed the evening view.
"Oh wait…" Jack stated as he jumped up and ran into the house returning a moment later with two small plates, each one containing a slice of blueberry cheesecake.
"WOW, you have truly outdone yourself."
With dessert done, Elizabeth leaned over and pressed her lips gently to his.
"Nope, it's now blueberry," he stated under his breath.
"Huh?" she asked.
"Blueberries are now my favorite fruit," he commented before capturing her lips once more.
Following several glasses of champagne, both Jack and Elizabeth felt the exhaustion of the last few days of travel, realizing the need for sleep. Jack stood up, put out the fire in the pit, and held her hand as they walked in. After changing into sleepwear, Elizabeth stepped out of the bathroom and found Jack sound asleep. He'd pulled the bedding back, lay down and it appeared that as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out.
Elizabeth pulled the covers over him before walking to the other side of the bed and slipping in beside him. As she scooted her body over next to him, he instinctively wrapped her in his arms and pulled her close.
She felt his warm breath, so calm, so easy brushing past her neck as she closed her eyes. Wanting sleep, needing sleep and at this point craving sleep, she lie quietly, her eyes remained closed, but her thoughts kept swirling.
With sleep remaining elusive, she slipped out of his arms, wrapped herself in her soft and warm robe, grabbed her bag and headed out to the patio. She turned on the propane tank as the fire pit was immediately lit, and she took a seat.
Reaching into her bag, she pulled out her journal, her confidant, full of so many thoughts, emotions and feelings from times and situations past. She flipped to the next blank page, clicked her pen open and begged the words to come...
"As a small child I recall Christmas Eve, sitting around with my friends, begging the day to end, but feeling as though Christmas was so very far away. We played games; shook packages, baked cookies, and still Santa's visit felt so elusive, as if time was standing still.
Back then I didn't understand the true concept of time, and the fact that each day, being 24 hours, actually flowed at the same pace, hour after hour. All I knew was that what I wanted was seemingly so close, yet so very far away.
Right now I very much identify with that little girl who had so much, but still dreamt of more. Embarrassed by my thoughts and emotions, I know that I alone can no longer make decisions regarding my life. Anything…everything I do impacts another and how they feel should be taken into consideration.
I was always a fan of TV reruns and the Doris Day intro song, "Que sera, sera; whatever will be will be," now seems quite appropriate. I know we want the same things out of life, love, successful careers and family, although the order in which each falls in terms of priority may not be the same for everyone. But simply knowing that the thought is there will get us to where we need to be when the time is right."
Hearing a sound, she nervously glanced around. Knowing that she was not in a jungle and logically thinking that it shouldn't be something as ferocious as a lion, or tiger, or bear, her fears still ran rampant. It was wooded after all and she wasn't familiar with the wildlife on the west coast.
Still refusing to take any chances, she shut off the propane tank and ran for the door, catching a glimpse of two deer playing on the grounds just off of the patio.
Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief before returning to the house, slipping inside through the French door directly to the bedroom. She slid back into bed, seemingly unmissed by her husband, but as her body edged up against his, he again instinctively wrapped her in his arms.
Although his eyes never opened, he whispered, "I love you."
"I love you too."
Having cleared the thoughts from her mind, Elizabeth closed her eyes and as she listened to Jack's rhythmic breathing, she quickly fell asleep.
To be continued…
NOTE: For those of you who follow the facebook fan fiction pages, there will be quite a few pictures and maybe a video posted that should help bring this chapter to life.