Disclaimer: I do not own the characters within this story. All rights and much respect go to Crown Media, Hallmark, Brian Bird, Michael Landon, Jr., the actors, creators, and writers of the show "When Calls the Heart." Any real people or places noted in the chapter are just there for storyline purposes.

Chapter 35- Are Secrets Ever Okay?

"I'll bet I can change your mind," he whispered as he pressed his body closer to hers.

"Jack, as enticing as that is, the answer is still 'no.'"

His lips pressed against the soft skin on her neck, "Are you sure?"

Her arm pushed him away, "Jack, please stop. I told you that I don't feel comfortable making love in your mom's home."

"Are you sure that's the reason?" he asked her, feeling as though she was punishing him somehow for the birth control talk they'd had earlier in the day.

"You're being silly," Elizabeth stated as she rolled over in bed. "Jack, I can't…but we can snuggle…"

"Don't do me any favors," he snapped back.

She attributed his attitude to exhaustion, but still felt that it was uncalled for. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," Jack responded as he rolled over in bed.

She closed her eyes, hoping that both of their attitudes would be improved in the morning.

Jack struggled; he fought for sleep; he battled with himself over thoughts that he hadn't had in years; thoughts that he assumed he'd resolved, and was disappointed in the way he'd snapped at Elizabeth, knowing that she'd done nothing to deserve his temper tantrum.

With Elizabeth asleep, he slipped downstairs and out onto the deck where he took a seat in his favorite lounge chair. Sitting quietly, he glanced into the sky. The stars seemed so close that he was certain that he could reach out and touch them.

Oh he wanted to touch them, to reel them in and hand them to her; his apology for having made her feel uncomfortable; having her feel as though she needed to justify her reasons.

Jack thought about life, how ironic it was that he knew he'd never marry; he'd never find that special someone who held his heart, only to meet Elizabeth during a time when all he wanted was to make it back to New York. However, once they met, and they each allowed themselves to get closer, baseball was no longer the single most important entity in his life. Surprisingly, he'd found that elusive woman who opened his heart and stepped inside.

"Are you okay, son?" Charlotte asked as she stepped out onto the deck.

"Just thinking?"

"About anything in particular?" she asked.

"Just about life; how things happen that impact us in good…or bad ways."

"What's wrong honey; you and Elizabeth didn't have an argument, did you?"

"Mom, we have some issues about starting a family."

"Oh dear, please don't tell me that she doesn't want children, because I know you love them, and I'm really looking forward to grandkids."

"No, she's not the hesitant one. Mom, I don't want to worry about Elizabeth being pregnant when we're on opposite coasts."

"Well honey, that sounds logical. Was she upset?"

"No, I think she understands, but if I'm honest, I just don't know if I can…" he stopped, and wiped his eyes before the tears slipped down his cheeks.

Charlotte took a seat in the chair beside him, "Jack, everyone has told you that it wasn't your fault. You know that, don't you?"

"You know, apparently he doesn't believe that; I mean, I haven't heard from him in years."

"Have you tried to contact him?" she asked.

He said nothing; he simply shook his head back and forth."

"Maybe you need to."

"So much time has gone by mom; I don't want to open old wounds," he stated as her hand covered his.

"Honey, apparently those wounds still run deep. What did Elizabeth say when you told her?"

Jack looked off into the cloudless star filled sky.

"You didn't tell her?"

"How could I? What will she think of me?"

"Honey, she has a right to know; especially if it's going to impact the family she wants to have."

"I know, mom. I've just been so happy with her, and I guess I…" again he stopped.

"Jack, she'll think like everyone else does; it was an accident and it wasn't your fault. But honey, she deserves to know," Charlotte stated; her voice was gentle but firm. "I'm actually surprised that you haven't told her."

"Can I be honest with you?"

"Jack, you know I prefer honesty; what is it?"

"I had put it so far back in my mind that I… I mean, I've been so happy; I never thought I would be, but I am, and until she started talking about kids, I didn't think about it. That makes me a bad person, doesn't it?"

"Honey, you did nothing wrong, and you do deserve to be happy, but you need to be honest with Elizabeth too. What are you afraid will happen?"

"I'm afraid to take the chance."

"No you aren't, because you are a kind, gentle man, and you know how much she loves you. She'll understand…"

Jack stood up, leaned over and kissed Charlotte on the cheek, "I'm going to bed; I'm exhausted."

He walked upstairs to the room over the garage. He wasn't certain if he wanted her to be asleep, or awake, waiting on his to return so they could talk. He wasn't prepared to talk, and got his wish when he found that she was still sound asleep.

He slipped into bed, propped up on his elbow as his head rested in his hand. "I love you. You make me a better man, and I just hope you'll understand," he whispered as his finger brushed several strands of her hair off of her face.

He laid his head down on the pillow and wrapped his arm around her waist. He pulled her into his body as his chest pressed against her back, and he inhaled, taking in the glorious scent of her still lingering floral perfume. By the fifth deep breath, he was sound asleep.

Downstairs, Charlotte walked over to the bookcase and pulled a scrapbook from the shelf. Opening the cover, she flipped from page to page, taking in all of the special moments for both of her boys. Toward the end of the book, there were pictures of Jack when he began his career with the Mets farm team. She smiled at their picture, Jack and his best friend, both playing for the Mets.

As her fingers ran across the page, she whispered, "Please be honest with her."

She closed the book, slipped it back into the bookcase and walked down the hall to her bedroom.

With all of the traveling, sleeping in a different bed nearly every night, and the stress that Elizabeth now felt as though she was placing upon Jack, she woke in the middle of the night. Slipping on her robe, she grabbed her journal, ear buds, and her favorite writing pen and searched for a quiet place to write.

Not wanting to wake up either Jack or Charlotte, she stepped out onto the back porch to enjoy the star filled sky. She popped her ear buds into her ears and tapped them 'on.' She sat quietly with her face toward the sky as she listened to the music, hoping that in the words, she'd find her sign.

Her ear buds were tuned into , an app on Elizabeth's cell phone. The first song played; she had to admit that she didn't even understand the words. However, as the second song, Bryan Adams' 'Everything I Do, I Do it For You' began, Elizabeth took a seat in the lounge chair and glanced toward the star filled sky…

Look into my eyes – you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart, search your soul
And when you find me there, you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true:
Everything I do, I do it for you

Look into your heart – you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am, take my life
I would give it all, I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more
You know it's true:
Everything I do, I do it for you, oh, yeah

There's no love like your love
And no other could give more love
There's nowhere unless you're there
All the time, all the way, yeah

Look into your heart, baby...

Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more

Yeah, I would fight for you, I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you, yeah, I'd die for you

You know it's true:
Everything I do, oh, I do it for you

Everything I do, darling
You will see it's true
You will see it's true
Yeah!
Search your heart and your soul
You can't tell it's not worth dying for
I'll be there
I'd walk the fire for you
I'd die for you
Oh, yeah
I'm going all the time, all the way

She knew Jack loved her; of that she had no doubt, but something was pulling at him, a force that somehow was stronger than her. Sadly she thought about her pushing the possibility of a baby upon him, and although he'd never said before that he didn't want children, discussing it on their honeymoon was not the right time and she had to accept responsibility for that.

However, feeling responsible or not, he told her they needed to wait; he wanted to take care of the birth control, yet he occasionally didn't provide any. Therefore, was that simply a lack in judgment, or was it actually a way to subconsciously circumvent the situation? Either way, he was withholding something; tragic, or embarrassing, she wasn't certain which or if it was either, all she knew was that he wasn't willing right now to talk about it.

Elizabeth pulled out her journal, and as the music continued to play in her ears, she collected her thoughts, hoping to put her life, her love, and her needs down onto paper. She flipped to the next blank page, inhaled deeply, clicked her pen open, and began to purge herself…

"What consumes our mind has a tendency to control our life. Good, bad or indifferent, we often can't let it go. We push, and push, unaware of the damage we may be causing to those relationships we hold so dear. We try desperately to move on, only to find ourselves confused, knowing that there's more to this picture, but feeling as though we are left in the dark.

We stumble, doing our best as we move around issues pretending that they are part of our dance; that it makes no difference, and we are fine with the outcome, but our heart aches. You talk, but literally make no sense…no children now, yet you are okay with taking chances. I don't understand…I wish that you could explain."

"Oh Elizabeth, you scared me," Charlotte stated as she walked out the back door, checking on the light that she assumed had been left on when she and Jack were talking earlier.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to wake you," Elizabeth stated as she closed her journal and quickly slipped it into her bag.

"Is something wrong?" Charlotte asked.

"No, I was just thinking," Elizabeth turned her head, doing her best to wipe away a few tears before Charlotte could see them.

Too late, Charlotte took a seat beside her, "What's wrong honey."

"I don't know; I really don't know," Elizabeth replied.

Charlotte sat quietly observing Elizabeth attempt to start several times, but no words were released.

"Honey, do you want me to go get Jack?"

Elizabeth said nothing, but simply shook her head back and forth. "He doesn't want to talk."

"Elizabeth, you're on your honeymoon; this should be some of the best days of your life," Charlotte stated as she reached over and squeezed Elizabeth's arm.

"Charlotte, I don't know what happened, but talk of children came up and I know that our honeymoon isn't the time to make plans like that. I just asked and he says no children until we're on the same coast."

"Well, I'm looking forward to grandchildren, but that does seem logical, dear."

"But why do I get the feeling that there is more to this than he's saying? Like maybe he has a problem with kids, doesn't want them, or doesn't want them with me?"

"Oh honey, that's not the case. I'm sure it's all confusing…"

"Do you know what it is?"

Charlotte's lips took on a pursed smile.

"Please tell me; I can't help him or understand if he won't talk to me."

"I wish I could, but it's not my story to tell. I will tell you that he does need to talk to you, but I know Jack, and he won't talk until he's ready. So, the best you can do is let him know that you're here and you want to understand."

"Is it bad?" Elizabeth asked.

"He thinks so. It is sad, and unfortunate, but he's shouldering blame that he shouldn't," she replied.

"You won't tell me?"

"I'm sorry honey, I can't, but if it helps, I talked to Jack earlier. Give him time, he'll tell you. He just doesn't want to disappoint you; he loves you so much."

"Charlotte, I love him too. I can't imagine anything he could tell me that would turn me against him, but I have to say, I'm scared."

"I know honey…"

Elizabeth wiped her eyes again before standing from the lounge. "I'm going back to bed. I'm sorry that I woke you up."

"You didn't; I was in my room thinking."

Charlotte stood up and walked Elizabeth to the back door as both women hugged before stepping back inside.

"Try and get some sleep," Charlotte suggested.

"I'll try. I'll see you in the morning; oh wait, I guess I'll see you in a few hours."

Several hours later, "Well, I wish you could stay longer, but I understand," Charlotte stated as she, Jack and Elizabeth sat at the kitchen table finishing breakfast and the necessary second cup of coffee. "Where are you spending Thanksgiving?"

"We're planning to go by and see my parents, but in the cul-de-sac where we live, we generally do a big meal where everyone pitches in; the women cook and socialize while the guys enjoy football," Elizabeth replied, not certain that Jack was even aware of the plans, but hoping that he would be agreeable.

Jack reached next to him at the table and took hold of her free hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, "That sounds like fun."

"Jack, when will you have to report to Spring Training?" Charlotte asked.

"Not until the middle of February, but several of the new guys are going early so we can get some training in before the pitchers and catchers even arrive," he advised.

"I didn't know that," Elizabeth added. "So how early are you planning to go?"

"Some of the guys are going around the third week of January. The pitchers and catchers will arrive around the beginning of February and then the rest of the team will show up a few weeks later," he casually added before taking another sip of coffee.

"Oh, before you go, I have something for you," Charlotte mentioned before she got up from her seat and headed down to the hall to her bedroom.

"So, which group are you falling into?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well, since last season, I haven't really worked out…"

Elizabeth giggled, "Really? I'd say that recently you've been working out quite vigorously."

Jack smiled in her direction, "That's not really the type of exercise I mean?"

"Hmm, I've heard no complaints," she teased. "Okay, so basically you're telling me that you're flying out to Arizona in a few months," she disappointedly added.

He said nothing; he only shook his head up and down.

"Well, I'll be busy in school, so maybe the time will pass quickly. At least we'll have the holidays together," she stated as she leaned over and caught his lips with hers just as Charlotte returned to the room with several items in her hands.

"As for complaints…I have none; well, maybe last night we could have…" he stopped as Charlotte entered the room.

"What have you got there, mom?" Jack asked.

"Well there are some pillows for your sofa," she stated as she placed two decorative pillows on the table. Each one read, "Mr. & Mrs. Thornton" and below their name was their wedding date, "11/11/2017."

Elizabeth picked up one, while Jack held the other, "These are beautiful," they both seemed to respond in unison.

"And, maybe this will be your first Christmas tree ornaments as a married couple," Charlotte stated as she handed them a crystal ornament with "Mr. & Mrs. Thornton, Jack and Elizabeth," and "November 11, 2017" engraved on the octagonal sphere.

"Yes, that's our first married ornament; thank you so much," Elizabeth commented as she took hold of the item.

Charlotte reached into a separate bag and pulled out another ornament. This one resembled a piece of wood, smooth but presenting as jaggedly cut on both ends with personalized mittens hanging by pegs on the bottom. The red mitten said "Jack;" the light blue mitten said "Elizabeth," and the green mitten said, "Lizzie."

"Oh," Elizabeth held it to her chest, "Thank you so much. You remembered Lizzie."

"Well, our animals are part of our family, aren't they?" Charlotte replied.

"I feel that way," Elizabeth responded before her expression took on a somewhat somber appearance.

"What's wrong, honey," Jack asked.

"When I do move out to LA, I don't think I'll be able to bring Lizzie," she stated as a tear slipped from her eyes.

"Of course you can. We'll make sure wherever we are that pets are allowed," he assured her.

"I know you will do whatever you can, but that's not it," she wiped her eyes. "With Lizzie being a Bulldog, they have respiratory issues, and Lizzie has had especially bad bouts with breathing problems. Flying isn't safe for her; the altitude changes can bring on an attack. I wouldn't want to take the chance of hurting her."

"Honey, I had no idea. Can we do something to make the trip easier on her?" he asked.

"I can check with the Vet, but she's getting older so I'm not sure that it's in her best interest to move. I'm sure that my parents will take her, so at least I can see her when I'm in town," Elizabeth stood up as she pushed her chair back under the table. "I'm going upstairs to make sure I didn't leave anything."

"Okay, I'll be ready when you get back," Jack stated as he stood up and watched her walk out of the room.

"I feel so bad; I just assumed that Lizzie would be able to come with us," Jack stated as he returned to his seat.

"Maybe instead of flying you could look into ground travel…it's just a thought," Charlotte commented.

"That is a thought; we'll look into it," he replied.

"So where are you staying tonight?" Charlotte asked.

"The Fletcher's place…"

"Oh that gorgeous place on the water near Malibu?"

"Yes, it's on Lechuza Beach; it's private and well, I think it will be the perfect end to our honeymoon…"

"I hate the idea that our honeymoon is coming to an end, but I guess life goes on, right?" Elizabeth asked as she entered the room and stood with her hands on Jack's shoulders.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked.

"I guess so," she stated as she swung her purse over her shoulder, placed the ornaments given to them by Charlotte back into their bag and held onto their personalized pillows as she walked around the table to hug Charlotte goodbye.

The three of them walked out to the driveway and Jack pushed the side door power button as he placed the gifts and Elizabeth's bag in the back seat.

"You two have a wonderful holiday, and please keep in touch," Charlotte stated as she hugged Elizabeth while standing by her door. "Stick with him, honey. It's going to be okay," she whispered before walking around to the driver's side.

"I love you mom," Jack stated as he held her tight.

"Talk to her, Jack. Remember, your mother know best…" She whispered before stepping aside as the van pulled out of her driveway.

As they pulled out onto the main highway heading to I-5, Elizabeth asked, "So, are you going to tell me where we're going?"

"Nope…it's a surprise."

Once on the interstate, both Elizabeth and Jack remembered why they didn't care for the traffic on the west coast. It was weird, however, because it seemed to flow freely while the other side of the road was clogged up, and seemingly for no reason; then, as they slowed down, the other side of the road seemed to break free.

Several hours later, with Jack concentrating on the traffic, Elizabeth listening to the radio, and neither of them doing much talking, they pulled onto Pacific Coast Highway, passed Malibu and Zuma Beach and turned onto Sea Level Drive. At the end of the road, Jack pulled the minivan into the driveway.

"So, will you tell me now where we are?" Elizabeth asked, ending the uncomfortable silence.

"Let me show you," Jack advised as he stepped out of the van, walked around and opened her door.

Jack took her hand and walked up to the house, retrieving the key from the hidden lock box, they stepped inside. "This house belongs to a dear friend of my dad's. They rarely use it and he offered it to us for the entire honeymoon, but there were some other places I wanted to take you. Do you like it?" he asked as they stepped through the French doors onto the balcony and looked out over the Pacific Ocean.

Elizabeth swallowed hard, "WOW, what's not to like about this place? Jack it's beautiful, and somewhat private."

Jack stepped closer as they stood on the balcony, leaning against the railing. His arm around her waist pulled her closer as his lips pressed against her temple.

"I love you and I hope that our conversation yesterday isn't going to put a damper on the rest of our time out here," he whispered.

"Jack, you have a right to your feelings and I certainly will not hold that against you."

"Well then, last night when I came to bed…"

"Please don't imply that I was withholding sex from you."

"Well, I have to admit that the thought did cross my mind and then the drive up here you were so quiet."

Elizabeth took his hand and led him to two chairs situated on the balcony, "Let's talk…"

Jack took a seat and as a horrified look graced his face she assured him, "It's nothing bad. It's just that this baby thing has upset both of us, and it shouldn't have. We both made assumptions, and that too, we shouldn't have. I'm sorry if you felt I was pushing; I didn't mean to, and I won't any longer. I won't bring up having a baby again, and when you're ready, you let me know," she explained as her hand rested along his cheek.

"I don't want you to be unhappy," he replied.

"Jack, I'm with you; I love you so much and when you're ready, I'll be ready. If you aren't ever ready…well, I have to be honest and tell you that I'm not sure how I feel about that scenario," her eyes met his; each one appeared a bit disappointed, but possibly for different reasons.

"Jack, we're still young; there really isn't a rush to start a family and I'm so sorry if I put pressure on you, especially right now on our honeymoon. Please forgive me," Elizabeth looked down finding it difficult to look him in the eye.

He pulled her up and held her. After she stopped crying, she whispered, "I just wish you'd tell me why…"

"Daddy, look at this one…"

Jack and Elizabeth walked back to the railing and observed a couple walking along the beach. Accompanying them was a little girl, approximately five years of age, running and playing in the sand.

The little girl was excitedly picking up shells showing them to her parents, who seemed to be experiencing their own joy through her antics.

"I'm going out to get our bags. When I get back inside, would you like to go for a walk?" he asked.

"That sounds nice; I'd love to," she replied as he hesitantly pressed his lips to hers before walking back inside and toward the front door.

Elizabeth remained on the balcony as she watched the family below. Each member looked happy as the parents held hands and giggled at their daughter's enthusiastic shell collecting. Several rocks made their way into her collection, and she screamed angrily when her father tossed them back onto the ground.

Elizabeth wiped her eyes, realizing that although she never really thought that she'd get married, now that she was, a life without children was something that she didn't think she could bare.

"I put our bags in the master bedroom; it's upstairs and has a beautiful view of the ocean. We can sleep with the door open and listen to the waves roll in… Elizabeth, are you okay?"

"What…oh I'm sorry, I was just watching the people down on the beach," she stated as she turned around, took his hand and they headed for the staircase on the side of the house leading over the rocks and onto the sand.

There was a slight breeze which helped to cool down the heat of the bright sun which seemed to bake the ground below. Finding a large section of rocks which seemed to jut out into the ocean, Jack led her over and they took a seat.

They sat quietly with his arm around her as they watched seagulls fly out over the water searching for their dinner. His arm around her shoulders held her close as he leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

Elizabeth glanced over; Jack seemed lost in the ocean, the sounds, the sights, and the feeling of being alone. "Jack…Jack, are you okay?"

"I need to tell you something," he said as he released the hold he had on her, drew his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around them and took a deep breath, "But I'm afraid…"

To be continued…

NOTE #1: Okay, I know I have left you hanging and it wasn't my intention. However this chapter got longer and longer and yes, even longer, so I had to split it up. The next chapter is nearly finished and I will post it by Saturday. So, that being said, please don't hate me…everything will be okay!

NOTE #2: For those of you on the facebook fan pages, there will be some pictures posted shortly.