Enjoy!

ROBYN POV

I slept pretty damn soundly after that bath. Thanks to the tender moments between me and Levi, and the wonderful hot water, my mind had finally settled. This phrasing was ingrained into my mind. Into my body. Since a child, Vincent had made it the leash by which whatever master wanted could control me. It was horrible. It was shitty. But it was what it was, and now I had to contend with it in the present. And so did my family. My wonderful, kind, strong and loyal family. Keza would lose her mind.

And then Eren popped into my head.

I grumbled and put my hands over my face. That moron. All desperation and panic, pressing me back against the wall, kissing me like it would somehow fix all the problems. Or like he had some claim to me simply due to his own feelings. He was sweet to hold me so dear. But the last thing I could be with him was romantic. How could he not see that? Perhaps I should talk to Mikasa or Armin? Maybe Armin. Mikasa might have an aneurysm if she knew what had happened. Then again Armin would worry–

The door to the cells opened and someone approached. I smelt tea. Breakfast. At the idea my stomach grumbled and I sat up, blankets held close as a morning chill clung to the air of the cells.

"Ah good morning." Armin stepped into view, carrying a tray. Odd, he hadn't been bringing me meals down there, it had been Mikasa and Jean – although maybe this was Armin having persuaded Jean that he really shouldn't be moving around that much.

"Morning. Thanks." I took it through the small hatchin the door, expecting him to turn and leave, but he lingered. I nodded to one of the seats by the other wall. "Feel free to stick around if you fancy, looks like you have something on your mind?"

"Yeah, guess you could say that."

I sat on my bed and chewed some toast. "Well go ahead, Armin. What's wrong?"

"I heard what happened." He said with closed eyes, shame radiating off him. "With Eren."

"Oh." I cleared my throat. "Right."

"I... Robyn, I'm really sorry." Armin shakes his head. I blinked again, unsure what Armin could be possibly apologising for. He brought a chair closer to the bars. "I knew he felt deeply for you, I jus– I guess, I never imagined he'd do something so… So forceful."

"I didn't either. I don't think any of us did." I sipped my tea.

He gritted his teeth. "Maybe if I'd told you? Or if I'd tried to–"

"Artlet, you're not Jaeger's babysitter." Levi drawled, stepping over to the other chair to bring it across, a cup of tea in his other hand. I hadn't heard him come down the stairs, and judging from the panicked look in Armin's blue eyes, he hadn't either. Still, once past my surprise at Levi's appearance, I glared at the comment. He raised his brows. "What? You want the bookworm to feel bad about Jaeger's actions?"

"No, of course not. But I don't want you belittling him either." I then jolted. "Sir."

Armin was bright pink. "You don't need to bother with formality Robyn, c'mon…"

"Sorry." I shake my head and then waited till Armin met my eye. "I don't blame you for what happened. Really. So please don't blame yourself. I don't blame Mikasa either, hell... A small part of me doesn't even blame, Eren."

"A foolish part." Levi muttered and I was tempted to throw a piece of toast at him. He clicked his tongue. "You're acting as if Jeager isn't accountable, like he's somehow beyond reproach. Well sorry, no, yesterday he acted like a damn pervert. I'd be outraged about that behaviour towards any Scout, let alone… Well, you." He pursed his lips. "He should be treated with the right amount of disdain right now. He's earned that. He did that to himself. Glare all you like, Robyn. I'm just being honest."

"I know… I just don't know if you're really speaking as a Captain or as a man."

Armin looked between us. "Oh, is that how you do it?"

Levi glanced at Armin. "Do what?"

"Balance it." The cadet looked down, unable to hold Levi's gaze for long, already going pink at the tips of his ears. "I'd been wondering about that in all honesty. Knowing you two were uh… Well… 'Involved'? I wondered how that worked with a ranking officer and…"

"Me." I winked at the boy and only made the blush worse. What? I'm stuck in a cage, I'm allowing myself a little fun with breakfast. Fuck it.

Armin nodded and looked between us again. "But as a Captain or a man. Makes sense. You uh… You said something similar on that roof didn't you?"

Levi went completely rigid, the tea in his cup rippling.

I swallowed hard, recalling how I had asked on the roof in Shiganshina, how Levi was contemplating his choice between saving Armin or saving Erwin. But I hadn't thought Armin was conscious. The idea of him being so, in that state, skin burned away, it was horrible. He must have seen that realisation in my face, holding his hands up and shaking his head at me.

"Oh don't worry, it's all very hazy, and it was like listening to a dream or something. I only have snippets. Mainly it's Mikasa and Eren yelling. But I thought I heard that phrase."

Levi nodded, his expression still sombre, but his eyes so much warmer when he looked towards me. "You did."

The cell doors opened again and steps descended the stairs. Then they stopped.

"Oh shit."

Eren?

Levi looked over his shoulder, leaning back in his chair. "Morning, come to pin Artlet to the wall next? Or you planning on trying your luck with me?"

A thump tended to indicate Eren had thrown himself into a salute. "N-No sir, of course not, sir."

"Ah, so you still have a few brain cells.." Levi smirked looking back to me and shrugging at my unimpressed expression.

Eren cleared his throat. "I had hoped to speak with Robyn. Privately."

I set my tray aside and tried to find the words. It wasn't that I wanted to make Eren suffer, I knew he was sorry, the moment I'd spelled out the stupidity of it all. But that wasn't the point. He had still done it. And he had only realised it was wrong after I said so. Despite what he knew had happened with Jack Sente. Despite what he probably guessed had happened during my captivity. But how did I put that into words?

Levi had been watching me the whole time. He raised his brow ever so slightly.

I nodded. Help.

"Not a chance, Jaeger." He sipped his tea. Armin had been watching us both and he gave a small sigh, but also nodded to himself. I think he understood. Levi continued. "As of right now, you no longer have permission to enter this area of the HQ without supervision, understood?"

"Y-Yes, sir." Eren sounded so defeated.

"And you will only do so if Cadet Sanshi has requested your visit."

"Yes, sir."

Levi grew irritated, looking back over his shoulder again, glaring. "Didn't it occur to you to perhaps wait for that? Or is this forcing yourself upon her becoming a nasty habit?"

"N-No! Of course not, I just–"

"Thought you'd take the opportunity when everyone else might be having breakfast."

I winced and looked at my tray. Levi wasn't wrong. That was pretty blatantly part of Eren's plan, to come down here after my food had been brought. Had Armin dropped it off and left, Eren would have likely been in luck. It would have been to apologise, but it did rather miss the point of what had been wrong in the first place.

"I understand, sir. I'll stay away until asked otherwise. I… I'm sorry."

"Go get breakfast and start your duties."

"Yes, sir." And Eren left.

As the cell door closed I relaxed, only then realising I had been gripping the edge of my bed. I unhooked my hands. Shit. I'd been that unnerved? Then I noticed how hard my heart was hammering. My spine was shivering too. A cold sweat ran along the back of my neck and it was difficult to swallow.

In that moment, I had been afraid of Eren.

"Artlet." Levi sat back round and nodded to the cadet who had been watching me otherwise, brows pinched with concern. But then his blue eyes snapped to his Captain. "You'll begin proper Shifting training with the Commander soon, yes?"

"Yes, sir."

"Alright, when you're not busy with that, and if not too fatigued, I'd like you to stay close to Jaeger. To avoid him acting rashly, but also to ensure he's not going too far the other way."

Armin frowned. "Sir?"

Levi sighed. "As much as the boy's an idiot, and a perverted prick, I don't want him to go too far in terms of punishing himself. Robyn will be the one to decide his punishment, not his self-loathing."

Armin looked down. "That's kind of you, Captain."

"It is?"

"Yes, sir. Thank you. And uh, Robyn?"

"Mm?" I kept trying to shift the lump in my throat. It was getting a bit easier.

Armin looked me over. "Are you alright?"

I nodded, but still didn't try speaking. On one hand it felt so silly to be so shaken up by this, but on the other hand I guess it made total sense. Since Kenny took control of me, I'd felt so vulnerable. And Eren had dragged up my other most vulnerable moments so soon after. So no, not silly. Human.

He gave a small nod. "I'm glad. But I'll leave you two alone to enjoy the rest of your breakfast and I'll uh, well I guess I'll see where Eren's got to. I'm sorry this is how the mission ended, but I'm still glad you all went. It sounds like a success otherwise." He got up, gave a salute and hurried away.

It was true. As I listened to Armin's receding steps, I considered that despite everything, the mission had been a success. We had found the recruitment drive, we had disbanded it, and sent a clear message. It was what we went to do. The door closed up the stairs once again.

"Hey." Levi murmured, leaning forward in his chair, expression loving once again. "Good morning."

A small laugh escaped me, the tension easing immediately. "Morning."

"I'm sorry."

"For?"

"The hardass bit." He shrugged, glancing to the side. "I realise you have affection for the idiot, but I had to–"

"Levi." I smiled at his reserved look. "I appreciate that, but you're well within your rights. And we both know I needed you to speak up there. I didn't expect to be so spooked."

"Never know how this shit'll affect us until we're in that moment. It'll probably ease up over time, and no doubt even more so when you're not worn so thin." His eyes scanned me. "How's your side? Stitches holding up? And the bloodloss, think you're regaining your strength?"

"Well, my side's fine, yes. And after one hell of a good sleep, I'm feeling stronger." I tilted my head. "A rather lovely gentleman of mine treated me to a nice hot bath, sent me right off to dreamland."

A smile flashed into view for the merest moment. "Ah, clever guy."

"Indeed he is." I then turned and loosened my shirt. "How're the marks on my back?"

"Fainter. Much fainter." He sighed in relief.

I redid my shirt and stepped closer to the bars, he got up from his chair, but didn't approach until I gave a small nod. My hand trembled a little, but I still reached through and coaxed him closer, gently holding his chin. I kissed him chastely between the bars, before letting go and leaning my head against the rust.

"With all that in mind, I'm rather eager to try and make progress."

He raised a brow. "Mm? And why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like that?"

"Because you're good at spotting patterns." I closed my eyes. "I want to try breaking the control, but in order to do that…"

He sighed. "You need someone to use the phrasing."

"Exactly."

Stuck in that cell, I only had two options. Endlessly search my own mind for some kind of break in the armour of this conditioning. Or find it through the means of being under that conditioning. None of my family would use it to hurt me, or have me hurt others, but they could still have me do simple things I could try to resist. Something. Anything. Just small steps towards breaking the control and having my own mind back.

A small touch ran along my cheekbone. "The first snows should be soon, though admittedly they're already late. Still, we'll have all winter to work on this, Brat. Although I may have to insist on us reinforcing another chamber instead of the cells. It's freezing down here on a slightly cool day, let alone with there's snow piling up."

I nodded, keeping my eyes closed. "Maybe if we get started right away, I could be free of the cage in time to enjoy those first snows with you…"

It had been intended as a tease, but the tension returning to the air had me opening my eyes to check he was alright. And he wasn't. Worry was written all over his face, apprehension and fear too.

I blinked. "Levi?"

"I just… Don't get your hopes up too high, Robyn. But also, keep in mind that none of us are in a rush. We will work on this until we sort it out. You don't need to fix it immediately, we won't grow tired of helping you."

Oh. Oh this sweet man.

I smiled and kissed him again. "I know, Levi. I know."

In this world there was one thing you could count on, cruelty. Be it of time, of loss, of nature. Something was always raring to go in terms of causing us pain or a fresh struggle. But that was just it. I had struggled my whole life, in one way or another. So many of us had. So many of us would continue to do so. But that was how we knew we were still going, still living, still fucking winning.

The dead never seemed to stay dead, especially when the dead were bastards. As much as it terrified me, I couldn't cower before Vincent Sanshi's will. I would not accept it. He made me into a puppet, so now I had to take hold of those strings myself. I couldn't be his plaything. I couldn't do that again.

Now, the world just had to give me that chance.

Hanji sat before me with notepad ready. Armin was nearby with another one, and Mikasa even closer with rope to restrain me if something went wrong. The door to the cell was open to them. Levi sat inside with me, both on chairs, a metre apart. Time to try.

Levi looked uneasy as he readied the words.

I smiled and reached forward, putting my hands on top of his. "I am asking you to do this, remember?"

"I know." He closed his eyes and squeezed my hands for a moment. "Sorry."

"It's fine, I'm just reminding you, sir." I winked and sat back.

He drew a long breath and shook himself down. "Everyone ready?"

A general murmur of agreement went around the cell.

I readied myself as best I could.

He swallowed hard. "Blood of the father, blood of the mother, red burning blood."

Threads, chains, leashes, whatever the hell you wanted to call them, slithered over my skin and wrapped around every nerve and muscle in my body. I shivered and stared ahead at Levi, his small wince confirming that somehow my eyes looked different when the control took me. On one hand, horrible. On another, if an enemy ever did get hold of this phrasing and use it to make me hurt someone, they might be able to spot the problem before I struck. Maybe. Or that was wishful thinking.

Levi watched me closely. "Stand."

I stood. That felt good. Yes. Stand. Always be standing. Why would I do anything el–

"Stand on one leg."

I did. Yes. Perfect, of course. That was the only way t–

Shut up.

Hanji scribbled, Mikasa watched close, and Armin tilted his head. Small actions first to establish the control. Fine. There was no space in those commands for fighting the sensation though. So quick. So done. Having said that, I couldn't find any space for doing otherwise after the fact either. I was still standing on one leg. My balance might give, but I wasn't sure if I would be able to catch myself. Then again did I want to? Yes! Of course I fucking did. Dammit I had to tell them that part. The way my thoughts betrayed me. And obeyed the words. Nothing else for it. Why would you consider another option?

Levi continued to watch, but I wasn't moving otherwise.

He shifted his weight. "Go over to the wall slap your hand against the brickwork, gently."

I moved, the ease of my limbs welcome, the rightness of following that command. No. Stop! This isn't my will. I don't want to touch the fucking wall, it's cold and damp and that moss stinks. Stop moving. This isn't–

Warmth ran along my top lip and I stopped fighting, just as Levi had requested before we began the process. As soon as I felt blood, I had to stop the struggle. My hand slapped the wall lightly. The only other sound the scribbling of pencils.

We had a long way to go.

And we kept trying for the rest of the day, until eventually I was on my knees, command only broken due to my exhaustion. Sweat ran down my temples, and this shirt was definitely ruined thanks to the blood from the nosebleeds. Damn. When Kenny had ordered me to kill Levi I had managed to actually withhold some movement. Not much. But enough to avoid stabbing him. Today I hadn't managed anything beyond a ruined shirt.

Levi excused everyone, and Hanji said she would send down a basin of hot water. A basic sponge bath could do for tonight. I thanked her, or tried to, the mumble not particularly clear. She was smiling as she turned away though. I'd been scooped up by Levi, carried to my bunk. He laid me down carefully, keeping me sat up, dabbing the blood from my skin, keeping his eyes low as I blinked, waiting for my vision to clear. He wouldn't want to say it. I knew he wouldn't. But this hadn't been a good start. Not simply due to the lack of progress, but because of the state I had ended up in. We couldn't keep going at that pace. My body would give out long before the command was actually broken – darkened veins covered my whole body after so many attempts and so long working through the motions. It even clustered under my eyes apparently. Wonderful.

I waited until the blood was dabbed clean before I stopped his fussing. He stared at the bloodied rags by the basin. It was like he couldn't look away. I reached and made him look at me, but his eyes were glazed. Exhausted too no doubt. He was used to fighting the Titans, or people, things he could plan for, strategise against, swing his blades at. But this? He couldn't reach through time and fix this. Vincent was already dead.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Don't. It's not you, I just…" He hung his head. "We can't keep this up, not this method. You'll die before we get any answers."

"You know Hanji's going to be cooking up a new theory." I smiled and pushed his hair back from his eyes. "I won't push for another session until a medic gives the go-ahead, alright?"

He nodded and leaned into my touch. "I hated using it, you know that, right?"

"Of course."

He was quiet for a while, and I combed my fingers through his hair lovingly, letting him simply process whatever was going on in his head. My own was simply a soup of exhaustion.

He drew a long breath. "It did make me wonder something though."

"What's that?"

"Could I command you to remember the loophole? Or even to ignore the phrasing entirely?"

"Uh… Maybe?" I smiled sleepily. "Try it."

He frowned. "I don't recall a medic being in here."

"Ah." I yawned. "True. Figured I'd just say the key or just not do anything at all. Pretty sure if you told me to fly I wouldn't sprout wings." I laughed and he chuckled.

"True…"

"If you want to wait, it's fine." I lowered my hand and breathed deep. "Would just be wonderful if it worked, right? Get it all fixed in one go… Stop this nonsense."

"Mm, wonderful." He murmured and even though I closed my eyes, I knew he was watching me. "You should sleep, we probably went for too long as it is. C'mere."

He held me up and moved the blankets, laid me down, loosened my boots before pulling them free. Then he took off the shirt and slipped on a fresh one after some more dabbing. I lay there, just enjoying the feeling of being tended to. Loved. Adored. Then he draped the blanket over me and kissed my head.

"Sleep well, Robyn."

"Mm, you too… Sorry it's so…"

Darkness took me and I wandered through a warm gloom. My fingertips traced along something as I walked, was it reeds in a field? Like when me and Keza went running? No. Not high enough. Or rather, I was not tall enough to skim those crops. I was skimming them along their middles, the texture harder even though it was still pleasant. When had I been in those fields as a girl? Oh yes. With Mother, when her and I would take John down to the waters edge and have lunch in the sunshine. When we could pretend, even if only for a little while, we had no darkness waiting at home.

I blinked.

Did I smell smoke?

No. I turned away and focused on the feeling of the crops, the wind in my hair, the far off laughter of my mother and brother. Yes, towards them. Towards those happy golden days. However few and far inbetween they had been, they always shone so bright in my mind.

"Over here, Little Bird!" Mother called through another bout of laughter. "John is walking!"

I ran towards them, the green swaying before me, the golden sunshine sparkling off the water, their smiles bright against their rosy cheeks. Colours. Warmth. The lazy river and fluttering birds. Pleasant. Beautiful. So much gloom was in the past, but there had been light too. I had to remember that more often. The way my mother would smile when I walked into a room, sometimes to hide her tears, but often simply because she was happy to see me. How her hair would curl down her back in auburn waves, catching the sunlight so beautifully. I doubt mine would ever be so fine. The way she could coax me back to myself when I got scared – be it Vincent, the weather or a nightmare after reading a spooky story – she always had the right things to say. She would hold me close. Her Little Bird. It always brought me back and reminded me I was here, I was hers, I was safe and I was loved.

The strength of her hugs was always so surprising. I held on tight as the sunshine washed over us, the picnic blanket scratching my knees as the grass pushed through from beneath. John pawed at my shoes and giggled when I waggled my feet. Such wonder. Such happiness. Did they know how much they made it all worthwhile? Did they feel my love for them?

Yes. I think they did.

They were my everything, and I was their Little Bird…

Ta dah, cya next time!