Eddward scrambled around his house trying to get out the door. He was never late if he could help it, but the phone call with his mother had lasted longer than he'd anticipated it would. She was trying to drag more information out of him. Information he didn't have. She was so focused on college and his future that she was ignoring the here and now. Eddy's horn sounded once again from beyond his front door and Eddward cursed. Goddamnit he was trying. He grabbed his bag and locked the front door as he hurried to Eddy's truck.
"It's rude to keep the chauffeur waiting," Eddy said snarkily.
Eddward huffed as he placed his backpack on the floor near his feet.
"My mother was unusually chatty this morning," Eddward sighed as he laid his head against the cool, glass window.
Eddy cringed, "everything okay?" He asked.
Eddward hummed his response and shut his eyes. Eddy didn't speak again as he started the drive to school. It'd been three months since he tried to end his own life and only two since he started back at school. It was almost the end of March and he was making a slow progression, according to his therapist. She wanted Eddward to focus on short-term goals which would then lead to long-term achievements. She saw progress, Mrs. Davis saw progress; Eddward felt oppressed.
Nothing had changed in his life. Days bled into each other until weeks drifted by and he still felt like he was barely getting by. His life was passing by at an alarming rate and yet he was still stuck in one spot not veering in any given direction. He was still spiraling down the drain. When was it supposed to get better? Would it ever get better?
He hadn't cut himself since the whole ordeal and that in itself was something to be proud of, Mrs. Davis had told him. But it didn't feel like an accomplishment because he didn't feel the urge to cut. How was that some sort of achievement when he wasn't fighting the urge to do so?
Slow progression was still progress.
A new way of thinking.
Redirecting his mindset.
Positive affirmations.
He felt akin to a little league baseball player receiving a participation trophy.
His head recoiled at all the manifestations they'd pounded into his skull. They swirled and slammed into each other like waves crashing against a rocky coastline.
The truck jostled as Eddy hit a pothole and Eddward's head reverberated off the window with a thud as they pulled into the parking lot. Eddy idled his truck a moment as he parked. Eddward looked at him, wondering why he hadn't shut the truck off. Eddy's face had turned pale, but yet hopeful as he gazed across the parking lot a few spaces over to Nazz's car. Her parents had gifted her a new car as an early graduation present. She was in the driver seat talking to Kevin as he leant against the driver side door.
As if sensing eyes on her she looked straight ahead at them. Her eyes locked on Eddy's. For a moment a whisper of a smile threatened to break out on her face, but it quickly vanished as she scowled at him and turned back to Kevin. Eddy sighed. Their relationship was still rocky if it was a relationship, Eddward wasn't entirely sure. They were still quiet at school. He never lingered close when she was near and he avoided her when he could.
Eddward's eye were drawn to Kevin as he opened the door for Nazz and extended his hand to help her out. To anyone else at school they looked like the most perfect couple. No one would be none the wiser to who they all secretly desired. Kevin grabbed Nazz's bag as she readjusted her clothes. Nazz's eyes never returned to the truck, but Kevin's did. He smiled and nodded toward Eddward. Eddward nodded in return and snickered when he saw Kevin flip Eddy off playfully. Eddy grumbled beside him. Kevin gave a slight shrug in Eddy's direction as he followed after Nazz.
He thought when Kevin helped him up in the hallway a few months ago that things would really start to change for the better. He was so hopeful that they were on the road to becoming friends again, but nothing perspired after that. A few head nods in the hallway. A smile of recognition in the halls, but that was it. Eddward sighed; all he wanted was recognition and he had gotten it. So, then why did he crave more from the stubborn jock, or was that him deflecting his own uncertainties onto someone else again. Did it really matter?
"We're going to be late." Eddward said to Eddy as he made no move of his own to exit the vehicle.
Eddy took his key out of the ignition, but said nothing. They barely made it into the building before the first bell of the day sounded urging students into their home rooms. Eddy absently walked with Eddward to the guidance room. Eddward knew Eddy's class was on the other side of the building, but he appreciated the gesture. Eddy smiled at him when they reached the door and he continued on into the horde of students. Eddward watched as Eddy was swallowed up before he knocked on the door. He waited until Mrs. Davi responded before he let himself in.
"Good morning, Eddward." She greeted kindly as he took his seat across from her. "How are you today?"
It was the same every morning. "I'm well," he answered absently.
She seemed to read him a little too well this morning as she asked, "did something happen?"
Eddward sighed. "My mother held more vigor for our morning phone call than I was prepared for." He wanted to stop there, but he knew she required more. "She's insistent on my acceptance into Stanford."
Mrs. Davis crinkled an eyebrow. "I was under the impression that you were already accepted into Stanford?" She asked.
"I am. She got me early acceptance in the fall. I just haven't accepted the fact that I'll be attending there yet."
"You still wish to attend Berkley? The robotics program if I remember correctly?" She asked.
Sometimes Eddward envied how much Mrs. Davis listened to him, why couldn't his own mother be more like this. Then again, she was being paid to do this and his mother was forced into the role.
He nodded his head. "I'm not sure I want to go there either," Eddward admitted out loud for the first time. "I wasn't supposed to have a future, it feels weird to actually plan for one now."
"So, what do you want to do?" She asked like he actually had a choice in the matter.
"I honestly don't know, but I know I don't want to go to Stanford, if for the sole reason, that's what she wants. I'm tired of allowing her free reign over my life. She doesn't deserve it." He bit out angrily.
"You hold a lot of pain regarding her." Mrs. Davis observed.
Eddward once struggled when it came to allowing anyone in to see his home life, but what was the point in hiding the pain there anymore.
"She didn't want to be a mother, when she found out she was pregnant she felt pushed into motherhood. A lot of my earlier memories of her involve forced interactions, nothing ever seemed genuine unless it came to my studies. She thought being a mother would derail her career of being a surgeon. She never wanted my father to succeed while she was left at home to take care of his child. She refused to let that be her life at any cost. If I drew her a picture she brushed it off, but if I brought home an 'A' she swooned with delight and pride. Like my good grades were the proof she needed to deem herself. Like she was excelling in motherhood even when she lacked any shred of maternal instincts." They were getting into dangerous territory now as the bell sounded, signaling the start of first period.
But Mrs. Davis made no notion of it, if she even registered that it had sounded. She patiently waited for him to continue on.
"School never challenged me. Grades always came easy, but it never felt like enough so I drowned myself in books so she would see how hard I was trying, if only to gain her approval and it worked. She never beamed brighter than when we were talking about my success and how well I was doing in school. It was the only recognition I got and I did anything for her to be proud of me. Going to Stanford seems like a setback in any progress I've made, as foolish as it sounds it would just be driving her ego and drowning myself in the process. I'm worth more than that."
Mrs. Davis was beaming in pride, like he'd just cracked the code to counseling and she achieved the next level, but just as quickly as her eyes lit up, something seemed to brood in the distance.
"Eddward," she began hesitantly. "This may not be the proper time to tell you this, but it can't be put off for much longer and I feel like we've made great progress. But, after hearing your stance on school I'm worried about how you'll react to what I need to tell you." She took a breath and her eyes focused hard on him. "You're the class valedictorian."
If she thought he was going to be surprised by this bit of information she was poorly underestimating him. They usually announced the class valedictorian over the intercom to honor the chosen individual, but he supposed this was a special case. She wanted him to say something, but he was finding it hard to politely decline the title. They just made a breakthrough in the wrong direction. This should be a great honor, but it felt like nothing more than a burden. Another achievement his mother could tack onto her astounding mother's resume.
"Who was my runner up?" He asked quizzically.
Mrs. Davis smiled sweetly, "Nazz Vandermalt."
Eddward nodded his agreement. "She deserves it more than I do."
"If anyone is deserving Eddward, it is you. You've rightfully earned it."
Eddward couldn't help but roll his eyes at her. One of the first times he'd ever openly disrespected her. "No, I didn't and I can tell you why." He began as he took a deep breath to steady himself. "Mrs. Davis when I told you I studied to please my mother that wasn't the entirety of it. Yes, deep down it was always to please her, but it was also to widen my knowledge when I grew bored. I've never had to study to receive a good grade. School has always come quite easy for me. I've never found an assignment or a project I've received to be challenging. Even now when I study it's more so to have that knowledge at the forefront of my mind. I don't study the information because I don't know it. I do it so I waste as little time as possible testing and submitting my work. I've never gotten a bad grade and I don't try to get good ones, I just do."
He paused and took in her concerned features before he continued on in his tangent.
"But I've known Nazz most of my life and she tries hard because it doesn't come as easily for her. She strives for perfection because it's something she wants. She has a drive and a focus that's unparalleled even to me. I've seen her get tutoring when she requires it and then provide help to those less fortunate than herself. She is what this class needs to see on the podium at graduation. She is our valedictorian. Besides," he started as he chuckled darkly, "no one wants the school's suicidal awareness teen giving a speech to the youth of this country. What kind of message could I possibly offer to inspire anyone when I'm struggling to figure out life myself."
"I'm proud of you Eddward. You're come so far since we first started meeting. If that is your final decision, I'll let Nazz know."
A weight had been lifted off of him, one he wasn't aware was strapped to his chest, but he felt freer now; lighter even. What some might strive for as a huge achievement and a great accomplishment, he had always viewed as a ball and chain tying him to this putrid existence of always fueling his mother's ego. His decision was final.
"I'm positive," he said as Mrs. Davi began scribbling her name on a late slip.
As he went to grab it he had a sudden burst of self-awareness and he needed to act on it now before he lost his urge, "Mrs. Davis," he began, "I know I'm required to see the nurse for my medication before I come here for lunch, but would it be alright if I ate with my friends in the cafeteria today?"
"Of course," she answered without hesitation.
Eddward felt that determination and pride fuel him as he made his way through the remainder of his classes before lunch. He had a renewed sense of focus. He was definitely getting better. He sat beside Eddy in their shared history class. Eddy still seemed to be in the same slump since this morning. He smiled at him as he settled his eyes to the front of the classroom where that familiar red hat was already perched. When he felt well enough he was going to have a conversation with Kevin. As the bell rang to start their lunch period Eddy was called down to the office. They parted ways as Eddward made his way to the nurse's office to receive his medication and then to the cafeteria.
He had been riding a high all morning and now when the time couldn't have been worse, it was wearing off. He felt the last tendrils of boasted self-esteem waft off him as he stood in the cafeteria holding a tray of food with nowhere to go. He couldn't find Eddy. His eyes searched desperately for his companion and they were coming up short. Eddward had been so lost in his composure he forgot to tell Eddy he was coming to the cafeteria for lunch. If he had, they could've met up beforehand. He couldn't just stand there forever, even now people were looking at him. People were grunting behind him as they moved around his stilled frame to find someplace to sit. His breathing was sporadic as he felt the vast student body rejecting him.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Focus, Eddward.
But he couldn't.
The world seemed to swirl all around him. All the faces and bodies blurring into one abstract piece of art that repulsed him. He didn't belong here. What was he thinking? Was he thinking? He was gripping the tray so tight he was sure the plastic was cracking under his fingertips in built up pressure. The rubber band laid delicately against his wrist and if he was able to snap it he was sure he'd pull it so hard it would snap from the force. He had to find his footing to turn around and head to Mrs. Davis' office. But that felt like defeat. He didn't have time to worry about that though as a strong body stepped in front of him. Words were being spoken, but they weren't registering.
He was vaguely aware of an arm interlocking with his own as he was guided to a table in the corner of the cafeteria. The person grabbed his tray and set it down before helping him into his own seat. Once he was situated the person sat down across from him. The world was starting to come back to him. The colors were separating and the blur reversed as he focused his eyes on his friend.
"Thank you, Ed."
Ed smiled, it was loving and serene and something he missed dearly. They hadn't spoken in months. Come to think of it, he hadn't even seen Ed really. They had different schedules entirely. And as far as he knew Ed was still angry at him, not that he blamed him.
"You looked like you needed some help." Ed said earnestly, "I missed you, Double Dee."
Eddward smiled, "I missed you too, Ed."
Something caught Ed's attention and he started waving madly to someone behind Eddward. A moment later, Eddy sat down beside him.
"Mrs. Davis finally let you out," Eddy said playfully.
Eddward smiled as he began eating. "I felt it was time for a change." Eddward said.
"It's time for potatoes!" Ed exclaimed as he smashed his fork into his mouth.
Kevin sat in his seat in the cafeteria feeling defeated. Surrounded by his teammates he felt so alone. When he looked up and saw Eddward frozen in fear, he jumped up to his feet. This was his defining moment. He was going to storm through the cafeteria and show Eddward how much he meant to him. He was going to save Eddward from the panic attack he knew he was having, but his feet wouldn't move. He just stood there watching until Ed appeared out of nowhere and walked Eddward off into the depths of the cafeteria. Kevin sat back down. The moment was gone. He'd failed, again. Every opportunity that presented itself was another chance for Kevin to mess it all up again and prove that Eddward was better off without him.
Kevin sighed as he rested his head against his arm, his food long forgotten. Nazz approached and pulled out her chair beside him. She'd been called off to the guidance counselor's office before lunch so he'd saved her a seat.
"Somethin' happen?" She asked even though she looked like she herself was in shock.
Kevin crinkled his brows at her, "you good?" He countered. "Not like you to get called out of class."
Nazz was caught in between emotions as her smile finally broke through. "Kev, I'm our class valedictorian." She all but exclaimed.
A few of the football players looked in her direction as some of the cheerleaders offered their congratulations. Kevin looked at her as pride swept her features.
"Nazz, that's amazing." Kevin said honestly.
"I know, I never thought it was possible. I-" she trailed off as if she wasn't worthy of the title.
Kevin sat up straight and looked her over. "Nazz, you've worked so hard all these years. You deserve this."
She gave him a small, sad smile. "Yeah, but-" her eyes unfocused as she looked beyond him. "What about Edd?" She never really liked calling him Dee.
Kevin's stomach made an uncomfortable flop. "Do you think he knows?" Kevin's mind was flooded in horror as he thought of Eddward's reaction to the news and what he might possibly do to himself.
"That's the thing, Mrs. Davis meets with him all the time. I told her I couldn't accept this if they were naming me just because Eddward had his incident last year. It wasn't fair to him. I wouldn't take
something he'd earned." Nazz bit her lip as she pondered what had progressed, seemingly still trying to understand it herself. "I don't want something I didn't earn. But…"
"You really want this don't you." Kevin said for her.
Nazz all, but squealed, "I really do Kev, I've dreamt of this forever and I knew because Edd and I were in the same grade I'd probably never get it and yet… It never stopped me from trying. I'm valedictorian."
"You're valedictorian." He said with her as he leaned in to hug her. "I'm so proud of you, Nazz." He said as someone down the table whistled at them.
Nazz rolled her eyes in annoyance. Stuff like this always happened to them. They couldn't go anywhere without someone they knew hollering at them to kiss or to get a room. It was exhausting, but this was what they signed up for. When they acted like a couple no one tried to get with either of them. Everyone knew Nazz as Kevin's girl and no one dared to flirt with Kevin, it was almost perfect. Except the part where they were both pining for someone else.
Kevin's concentration was suddenly broken when a commotion broke out across the cafeteria. A voice was raised high in hysteria, a voice he knew all too well. Nazz's eyes grew wide as she peered behind him to watch the madness ensue.
Ed was very exuberantly explaining the plot of his newest comic fixation. His arms were flying around wildly and Eddy elbowed Eddward trying to contain his laughter. Eddward found himself smiling more than he had in a long time. He had missed this.
Why did good things always seem to linger right outside his grasp?
"What's so funny over here fellas?"
That one voice had the power to suck all the life out a room. What little air remained became thick with vile. His ears hurt as the venomous words protruded into his eardrums. Tom's toxic smile flooded his vision as he sat down beside Ed with two of his cronies standing behind him.
"Awe, don't stop on my account, it looked like you guys were havin' a good time." Tom said as he reached over and snagged a fry off Eddy's plate.
"Fuck off, Tom. Just leave us alone." Eddy sniped at him.
Tom clutched at his chest mockingly. "Oh, I'm hurt. I was just tryin' to catch up with some old friends," he started before he turned murderous eyes on Eddward. "Seeing as mine up and killed himself after talkin' to this faggot over here."
Eddy shot up out of his seat and leaned over the table. "Who the fuck do y-" Eddy started, but Eddward put his hand out in front of his friend silently urging him to sit back down.
"Please Eddy, that comment was directed towards me." Eddward said, his own eyes daring Tom to tempt him further.
He was on the road to recovery, he was trying so damn hard. So damn, fucking hard. And then in walked this waste of flesh with a personality to fit his detestable looks. Eddward felt his blood seething under the confines of his skin. He felt rage rumbling from inside him, deep within his core. This pathetic imbecile was not going to derail his progress.
Breathe, Eddward.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Tom clapped his hands and then threw his arms up. "Really? That's all I get? Come on. I've been waitin' forever to talk to ya, but it seems like I never get the chance. You're always bein' hauled off somewhere. Come on, I wanna hear what the basket case has to say." He smiled sweetly at Eddward, taunting him.
His control was slowly leaving. Wait, control? There was no control here. This was slowly becoming chaotic. People were starting to look at them. Attention was being drawn in, in every direction. Eddward absently reached for his rubber band. His movement caught Tom's eye.
"What no knife? Or was it a razor? Maybe next time you should pick the right tool to get the job done." Tom was baiting him.
His thuggish friends stood behind him laughing. Ed was rigid in his seat. Eddy was fuming and waiting on any word from Eddward to attack. The onlookers were waiting for the show. Was Eddward willing to be the main attraction once again?"
"Fucking pathetic. You should've stayed dead." Tom spat across the table.
Fuck the breathing exercises. Eddward saw red. The curtain was parting. The director cued his mark and called action. The cameras were rolling.
Showtime.
Eddward was on his feet before Tom had a chance to blink.
"Do you find my mental health amusing? Or are you so bored in your own pathetic existence that you find enjoyment in attempting to torment me?" Tom looked dumbfounded at the verbal onslaught. "Are you too fucking stupid to realize I'm insulting you or is that just part of your idiotic persona?" Eddward asked as he started to edge around the table slowly.
The noise quieted all around them as the audience watched. Eddy shot up behind him. Ed was still staring at the ordeal that was unfolding. Tom stood as Eddward leered at him. They were face to face, a breath away from each other. Tom faltered slightly and that was the push Eddward needed.
"Do you know why Jensen was always pursuing me? Why he always seemed to find his way to me no matter the circumstances? Your boyfriend was infatuated with me. He practically begged me to be with him." Eddward sneered.
Eddward was clueless at Tom's sexual orientation, but it was the first thing that popped into his head so he ran with it. This juvenile delinquent got his rocks off hurting Marie, probably to hide his own gay tendencies. Why was masculinity always questioned if a man chose to lay and love another man? Was this the bigger picture then? Perhaps this was the outlet Tom needed just as Jensen had. Except Tom wasn't infatuated with him. Maybe Tom was grieving the loss of his lover.
Tom turned vicious; like a caged, rabid dog snapping at a piece of meat just out of reach. "You fags are all the same. You're like a fucking disease. Out here spreadin' your ass cheeks infectin' all of us. I hate the likes of you. You all disgust me."
Eddward lurched forward and had Tom pinned against the wall behind them. Tom had been backing away slowly, but Eddward only inched closer. Tom was panting heavily now, his croons had long since moved aside as Eddy acted as a barrier between them getting to Eddward. And in return, Eddward focused all his reserves on the scum in front of him.
Eddward was winning this battle one way or another. He crooked his head to the side and laughed darkly. "Is your macho ego supposed to make up for your small manhood? Or is that the reason you beat women? Have to compensate for your shortcomings somehow, right?" Eddward asked.
Tom put his arm out as he made a fist, but Eddward had seen this movie before, lived it in a distant memory with Jensen playing the opposing role. His arm cascaded out smooth and effortlessly as he trapped Tom in a chokehold against the cafeteria wall, his other held Tom's fist up above his head. Voices were stirring behind them. But those didn't matter. This was personal. Eddward held his forearm tightly against Tom's throat. Part of his sleeve had risen up showing his scarred flesh. Tom looked scared as he took in his captor. Those scars were so close to Tom.
Look at them. Eddward was screaming in his head. See the hell I've endured. You are nothing.
"I threatened you once before and it seems you didn't take it to heart." Eddward said softly as he brought his mouth dangerously close to Tom's ear. "Your boyfriend is dead because he couldn't handle being rejected by me and now you're trying to bait me as if you're even remotely close to standing on the same playing field as I am. Back down before you meet the same fate." Eddward said and pulled away. "I don't play for fun. I play to win."
He retracted his arm and Tom slumped against the wall for a heartbeat of a second before the tough guy aurora was back. He brushed off his clothes as he looked at his possy.
"Th-this isn't over yet, I-" but his words were cut off as Ed slammed his remaining tray of food at the overly zealous jock.
Eddy sneered behind him and students started laughing and snickering. Eddward folded his arms as the laughter rolled through him.
"Careful, you might become the school's next basket case. We wouldn't want you stealing my title." Eddward said as Eddy clapped him on the shoulder and he continued to laugh.
Tom quickly made his way through the parade of students that had gathered around to watch the show. Eddy started a slow clap which soon seemed to envelop the student body that had gathered around him. Shouts of;
Way to go, Dee!
Nice, man!
That dude had it coming!
Adrenaline was pumping through his veins at an alarming rate. He'd let the old Eddward in if only to defend himself, but now that he'd opened that floodgate, he feared the aftermath. Everyone was looking at him, cheering. He didn't notice when the audience became all consuming, but there they were. They were on his side, but that didn't matter. It was too much, all too much. Eddy was on one side of him and Ed on the other. He needed to get out of there. Now. But he couldn't speak. Where was a teacher to break up the uproar when he needed one.
The waves were rising all around him. He didn't want this to happen right here. Just as it felt like all was lost, strong arms grabbed at him and began pulling him away. He didn't know who was taking him or where they were going, but if it got him away from here then he'd follow this stranger just about anywhere. Before long the doors to the cafeteria were shutting behind him. The halls were barren and quiet. Lunch wasn't over yet so he had a few moments to regroup before he was expected to be himself again. A few moments, that was all he needed.
"Man, did you see the look on Tom's face. He was basically shitting himself. I don't know what you whispered to him, Dee, but damn. That was fucking awesome." Eddy said as he fisted the air triumphantly.
Nazz scoffed from beside him. "That's real mature, Eddy." She chided.
Eddward watched as Eddy's ego deflated a bit. He shrugged his shoulders and shoved his hands into his pockets as he glared at her.
"You didn't hear the messed up shit he said. Fucker had it coming." Eddy said, he turned his head, his eyes falling on Eddward, "Were Tom and Jensen really together?" Eddy asked, earning a surprised look from Nazz.
She must not have gotten there until the very end.
"Shit, the fuck did we miss?"
Eddward's heart faltered. That voice; that beautiful, serene voice that sang to him in his sleep. The siren song that had coaxed him in death and helped him relax. But, then that meant. Eddward looked down to where Kevin was grabbing him. His grip was firm on his arm holding him in close to his own muscled body. A protective gesture. Eddward swallowed hard and slowly looked up into emerald eyes that held so much adornment and admiration.
"Hey, Dee."
"Hello, Kevin," Eddward answered, feeling lightheaded, his adrenaline high was subsiding at an alarming rate.
Kevin must've taken the hesitation as rejection for their close proximity because he started to let go, but Eddward held on a little tighter. His eyes looked to Kevin, pleading for him to understand. Words were not coming, he needed his look to portray that. As if sensing the need in his eyes, Kevin relaxed and let him hold on. Eddward breathed a small sigh of relief as Kevin's grip tightened ever so slightly. Eddward wasn't sure if Kevin knew he was gripping his injured arm laced with scars. He was thankful for the pressure even if Kevin was clueless to the help he was offering. Eddward absently pushed into him more, needing the support.
"You okay, Dee?" Eddy asked suspiciously.
Eddward nodded. "That went farther than I intended it too." He admitted.
"Whether you wanted it to or not, I don't think that guy's gonna be messin' with you again anytime soon." Kevin reassured him.
"He was a waste of good potatoes," Ed chimed in crossing his arms.
They all laughed again at that. The bell would be ringing soon and the students would flood out of the cafeteria, and as much as he wanted to stay in Kevin's arms, they needed to move. He wasn't ready for the onslaught from their peers in their given situation.
Eddward cleared his throat, "I need to head back to Mrs. Davis." He managed to say.
Eddy and Kevin shared a look before Eddy nodded and looked at Nazz. "Can I walk you to your next class?" Maybe Eddward's high had rubbed on him just a little.
Nazz smiled, "I suppose." She answered.
"Come on, Lumpy," Eddy called and the three of them headed off in the opposite direction.
They hadn't been alone in months. Eddward felt his pulse quicken as Kevin tugged him.
"Come on, I'll walk ya," he said.
Eddward absently nodded as they walked in silence, Kevin's firm grip on his arm eased up as his fingers wandered down to Eddward's hand. Their fingertips brushed for a second before Eddward felt himself pulling away involuntarily.
Wrong move.
They continued on in silence until they were outside the guidance counselor's door. He regretted pulling his hand away and wanted to take back the gesture. Was this to be their dynamic forever, Eddward was always going to hurt him. Eddward looked up to meet Kevin's eyes.
"Kevin, I'm sorry, I-"
Kevin silenced him by leaning in and kissing his forehead. Eddward sucked in a startled breath as the words he was about to say tumbled back down his throat.
"Sorry, I had to do it while I still had the balls too," Kevin replied sheepishly before he ran his hand over the back of his neck.
Eddward was sure his own blush matched that of Kevin's hair.
Eddward looked down the hallway in both directions. They were alone. His high may have been gone, but an edge of that adrenaline still lingered. It was a small, but it was just enough to reach out for what he wanted. He grabbed Kevin's shirt collar and fisted the material tightly in his hand. He pulled slightly, giving Kevin the option to break the contact if he wanted to, but Kevin's eyes shone with a lust that he used to hunger for. He was so close.
Kevin erased the distance as he pushed into Eddward effectively trapping him between the wall and his body. His lips found their mark as they claimed him in one fierce, passionate kiss. Eddward tightened his grip on Kevin's shirt as Kevin's hand reached behind him to grab his head and hold him in place. A kiss that portrayed so many unspoken emotions and feelings. Kevin pulled away slowly, his breath coming in ragged pants. The bell rang. Kevin cleared his throat as he looked down to Eddward's hand, still tangled in his shirt.
Eddward let go and pulled his hand back, but not before Kevin caught his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.
"I'll see you later, okay." It wasn't a question.
Eddward nodded his agreement. "Okay."
Begrudgingly, Kevin turned and sauntered off down the hall. He looked over his shoulder a few times to smile and Eddward blushed and hid his face behind his hand trying to reign in his emotions. As he turned to enter Mrs. Davis' room, someone loomed in the shadows of the hallway. The figure had watched the whole interaction and silently promised to repay the threat that Eddward had delivered to him.