"Meine Liebe, bitte erzähl mir etwas über dich? Woher kommst du? Wie heißen Sie? Sind Sie ledig?"

Hal smiles nervously, having found his glasses and now being able to see the predicament he's found himself in. "I'm sorry... miss... uh, I don't... er, n-nicht sprechen?"

The muscular woman laughs deeply. "Ah, you only speak English! I understand, dear!"

Hal sweats. "Um... I need to call my friend, he's been gone a long time-"

"I understand, dear. If you need help, I will come along with you. We have so much to talk about!"

The sound of a chirpy Over the Horizon midi fills the tent. David reaches for his phone and answers the incoming call. "Heyyy... hoodis???"

"SNAKE, HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING!?" Hal yells into the phone, dropping the informalities. David groans.

"Nooo... not drinking... I sold the Mk. II to dis guy... say hey..."

Lewis crawls over to David and puts his mouth to the microphone. "Wha's happenin dawg...?"

"WHERE ARE YOU!? WHO THE HECK IS THIS!?"

"Damn, that's cold, man..." Lewis says, somewhat disappointed, before collapsing onto David, snoring loudly.

"Shhh... Hal... speak very quietly, we need to be this quiet." David says, measuring how quiet 'this quiet' is with his finger and thumb, which is obviously not possible to translate over a voice call.

If it weren't for the fact that David and Lewis had left an incense holder unattended, thus causing the tent to catch fire, Hal and Helga would never have found them. Definitely not because I am lazy or unmotivated to come up with a convincing continuation to the story. I also definitely will not be skipping an extra chapter's worth of story which may contain key information vital for continuity. Now, I, the author, will take the time now to give you character information.

David is Snake, Hal is Otacon, Helga is a big German muscle lady and Lewis is a drug dealer.

Onwards.

After the carnival was destroyed by the zombies and the moon was thrown into the sun by a thousand Metal Gear RAYs, David, Hal, Helga and Lewis cram themselves into the now very packed RV to find a place to rest.

"Ooh, meine einzig wahre Liebe! You look so tense! Let Helga give you a massage..." the woman says seductively, rolling up her sleeves to reveal her ripped muscles and the hairiest arms ever to grace the human skin.

Hal gulps. "M-maybe later, miss! Ah- HEY, HEY, LEWIS, NO! NOT IN THE VAN!" Hal scolds, with the younger man attempting to light a blunt behind his back. David lays on the bench at the back, groaning.

"Lewis, how much did I smoke...?"

"You're not off the hook either, David! I thought you were better than that!"

"Baby, you can keep driving, just relax those strong shoulders and let Helga do her magic..."

"Man, this trip's whack! No internet, no smoking, just this non alcoholic shit and some angry ass nerd! Dave, soon as we stop, let's bounce!"

"EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR FIVE MINUTES, PLEASE!"

Hal's outburst silences everyone. They turn to look at him in surprise. "I just want to have a normal weekend out... I just want to have a good time with my friend, but no, we're just giving a free taxi ri-"

He never completed the sentence before the RV ploughed into the back of a truck, sending them off the road and down to the bank of the lake beside them.