Sorry, Charlie

by CHOOSELIFE

Third story in the Charlie series. This story picks up two and a half years after Drake's last overdose. Ricardo has forced him to clean up his act, but still Drake can't seem to get away from his past. Everyday is a fight to stay clean and now that he doesn't have his favorite red pills, his depression and anxiety are just as hard to kick as his drug addiction.

15. Meet Charlie: Volume 2

PREVIOUSLY ON SORRY, CHARLIE:

Drake and Dahlia broke up. This led to a suicide attempt. He made a full recovery and became friends with Mrs. Hayfer along the way. Drake and Dee joined the Rent musical production. During which, he relapsed and later admitted this to Ricardo. To earn back his trust, he allows the man to hold onto his money. He tried going to a counselor, but she only made things worse.

In Charlie Horse, Drake caused his mother to crash her car, leaving her without mobility of her legs for an uncertain amount of time. After dangerous gangsters broke in demanding the money Drake owed them, Walter forced him to leave and promise never to return. Mindy had developed a meth addiction, but overcame it with the help of Josh and the others in the Parker-Nichols family. She was pregnant with Drake's child and was expected to deliver any day. During the stress of the situation with the drug dealers, her water broke. She started bleeding and exclaiming that something was wrong with the baby.

Now for the story...

---

The venue was mostly empty except for a few stragglers. Mrs. Hayfer waited patiently for the three young, attractive ladies that were crowding around Drake to depart. She could tell that one in particular caught his eye, but she didn't realize it was because she kind of resembled Clementine in a way. Alice couldn't hear what was being said, but her former student would rotate between looking up at the girls briefly from where he squatted on the floor and putting his eyes on the band equipment and cords in front of his feet. He smiled a couple times and he laughed at something that was said and Mrs. Hayfer couldn't stop herself from thinking about that night at the truck stop when he'd cried while her husband kicked him out of the tractor. Drake's come a long way since that time in his life. She was so proud of the progress he's made since befriending her. She got to watch him grow to become a strong, loving, respectful young man and it was rewarding to see. She wished he'd never burned those bridges with his family. His mother would be proud, too.

The three girls started to walk away, so Alice moved towards him. Drake pulled his gaze away from his equipment and stared after the groupies — the Clem-clone in particular — to check them out, then he heard someone's throat clear. He turned his head and saw his former teacher, one of her eyebrows raised in both judgment and amusement. He immediately put his eyes back on the band equipment. Awkward.

"I'll pretend I didn't see that."

"You could've pretended without making it obvious you did."

"Eh, what's the fun in that?" She smiled when she heard him chuckle quietly. "The blonde's pretty cute, right?"

Drake stood as he wrapped up an auxiliary cord. "I'm not talking about this with you."

"What? I'm just saying!" the woman shrugged innocently, her smirk getting larger when she saw the musician smile. "She's cute!"

The boy shook his head as he continued wrapping the cord around his arm, but he couldn't help the toothy grin that broke out across his lowered face. "She's very cute," he agreed finally.

"Not gonna get her phone number?"

He just shrugged.

"Are you feeling okay?" she joked. "The old Drake wouldn't have let her just walk away like that."

He laughed. "The old Drake wouldn't be standing here talking to you either."

"Touché," she said. "Anyway, I just wanted to say that you guys were great tonight."

"Thank you."

"I can't tell you how long it's been since I've been to a concert and I'm probably the oldest person here, but I had a lot of fun. Well, I wore myself out quite a bit jumping around trying to keep up with all these young folks on the first song, so I had to go sit at the bar and rest my legs the rest of the time, but it was fun."

"That's good. I'm really glad you came," he said genuinely.

"I'm glad you and Julio worked things out. I think you two really needed each other and you both have a good chemistry that works on and off stage. The audience was going crazy for it."

"They probably think we're gay for each other now."

"You're not?" Alice feigned shock and this made Drake laugh. "I'm kidding. No, it's cute. I think it's great. There's a certain way society expects men to act and you're breaking the norms. You're showing everyone that it's okay not to look so tough all the time. Men cry, too. Men feel, too, and a lot of the time, they're too embarrassed to get the help they need, so I think it was great. I do have one minor suggestion, though."

Drake furrowed his brows, but he didn't know why he was surprised. She was a teacher. Of course she had feedback.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Maybe try to ease up on the swearing."

The boy laughed. His eyes were still wet from earlier and they sparkled when he smiled. "They love it, though. You heard how they react."

"I know, I know," she said. "I just thought I'd mention it. You're a role model to some of these people."

"A role model?" He was visibly confused and he even snorted at the notion. "No, I'm just playing music. I'm not trying to be anyone's role model."

"I know you're not trying to, but you have a platform and when you have a platform like this, people are gonna listen to what you have to say. Whether you want the responsibility or not is irrelevant. These kids are looking up to you," said Alice. "You just have to decide who you want them to see."

This was something he had never before thought about and he wasn't quite sure he believed it. He stayed quiet because he was trying to figure this out in his head. He couldn't picture anyone actually listening to the shit that came out of his mouth and taking it seriously. Was Mrs. Hayfer exaggerating or did his audience mirror his behavior whenever they left this room? If they did, how many young people did he inadvertently lead to addiction when he was getting fucked up on stage all those years ago? How many lives has he ruined that he didn't even know about? He never meant any harm, but looking back on it, he definitely promoted the use of drugs by not only singing about them, but also doing them right in front of everyone. He'd made it look cool and fun. Of course people were going to want to do it, too.

"It's just something to think about. I can't tell you what to do. It's your audience and you're right. They love the foul language. I just wanted you to realize that you've got eyes on you now — young eyes," Alice said. "Anyway, I've gotta be heading on home. It's way past my bedtime."

"Thank you for coming out and supporting us," Drake said.

"Of course." She accepted the hug he gave her. "I would love to come again if you and Julio decide to keep this up. Let me know, okay?"

"I will."

"I'll see you Saturday?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She offered him a smile before she went and Drake went back to taking shit apart. He and Stavros had already knocked out most of the clean-up, so this was all that was left. His band mate was hanging around somewhere being talked up by some girls and who knows where Ricardo and Dee had disappeared to? They all said they'd help, but they must've gotten held up or distracted. Drake didn't mind. He actually liked this part. This is when he had time to go over the night in his head.

When he finished rolling up the wires, he picked them all up, along with the amplifier, then carried them out back, where Stavros had his van parked. The man took the cords and put them in a box while Drake lifted the amplifier and put it into the back of the van.

"That's the last of it?" Stavros asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Thanks for doing drums for us."

Their guest player closed the door, then looked at Drake. "Thanks for inviting me to play with you guys. I had a lot of fun. If you need someone to fill in again or need a permanent drummer or keyboardist or anything, I'm always down."

"Cool. Julio and I haven't really talked about this becoming a regular thing again, but if it does, I'm sure he would love to have you join just as much as I would. You're really fucking talented. No wonder he replaced me with you when he kicked me out of the band.

Stavros chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Don't be so modest. You fucking rock."

"Thanks," he smiled almost shyly. He was much more humble than he used to be. Doing the humiliating shit he had done within the last few years could do that to a guy.

"And hey, congrats on the sobriety. That's fucking awesome."

His smile got bigger. "Thank you."

"I'm gonna double-check just to be sure we got everything. You guys sure you don't mind me dropping this off tomorrow?"

"No, it's okay."

"Thanks. It's just so late and my girl's probably off work waiting for me now. I promise I won't steal your shit. You guys know where I live and you got those two big ass bodyguards with you all the time." He was referring to Ricardo and Dee, which made Drake laughed.

"They're both just big softies," he said.

"Well, I'm not willing to risk it," he said with a laugh. "Alright, I'll be right back. Keep an eye on the van for me?"

"Yeah."

Stavros went back inside using the back entrance. Drake took this time to smoke a cigarette and reflect on the amazing experience he'd just shared on stage. Usually, he felt ashamed and embarrassed about his addiction, but things had been different tonight. When Julio started to openly talk about it in front of the entire room, he didn't mind it. Of course, they already knew about it, but still, something was different. Last time, he tried not to acknowledge it at all and then it was forced out of him when the box of Triple C's was tossed at his feet. This time, everyone was respectful and they seemed genuinely happy for him. It wasn't something he was used to and it gave him a kind of rush.

Just then, he heard a sound behind him like footsteps and thought the guys were coming to make sure no further help was needed loading the van. Instead when he turned around, he saw four unfamiliar faces. He didn't even have time to offer a friendly smile or anything before the closest one wound his fist back and punched him so hard that it knocked him off his feet.

"What the hell?!" he exclaimed, cupping his busted nose.

All that was said was, "Let's fuck him up," then they were surrounding him, kicking him from all directions.

"Stop!" he screamed with confusion, then he cried out in pain. He turned over onto his stomach and started to crawl away, but someone grabbed his ankles and snatched him back. As he was dragged across the concrete, his shirt rode up and his belly got scraped. "Stop!" he tried again, then he was kicked so hard that he was flipped over. He looked up at his attackers wondering if maybe he did know them and just forgot. He did this kind of thing a lot. However, he didn't get too good of a look because he squeezed his eyes closed and screamed through clenched teeth when a foot collided with his ribs harder than before.

They ceased after a couple more kicks, then the one Drake perceived as the leader leaned over him and snatched him into a sitting position by his shirt collar. He punched him in the face once...twice...three times. That's when it started happening. That's when he started going back to his father's. He had to fight back. He felt around the asphalt for a rock or something. He wouldn't normally go for a weapon, but it was four against one and that was totally unfair. He found no rock, but he did burn himself on the cigarette he'd dropped. He picked it up and pressed it against the stranger's skin.

"Ow! The fucker burned me!"

One more punch left him flying back and his head hit the concrete. His vision was blurred due to a mixture of his dizziness and his tears. As it cleared up, he didn't see four young guys. Instead, he saw one scary fucking dad.

"Don't," he begged with a shaky voice.

Pissed off, the leader reached down and picked up the cigarette. "Hold him down."

Suddenly, Drake felt an arm being grabbed, then the other. They were tightly held against the road so that he couldn't move them — same with his legs. When he felt that weight on top of him, he lost it. He knew he was going to be turned over and raped. To further solidify his prediction, his dad reached down and started unbuckling his belt.

"DON'T!" Drake screeched. He was full-on sobbing now and he shook so much that each of the guys who were pinning him down felt the vibrations travel up their arms. "DON'T! DON'T! DON'T!" He felt his jeans and boxers being yanked down to his knees, leaving his private region exposed. "Please! Please!" he whined, but when did his dad ever listen to him?

The leader of the crew lowered the cigarette and pressed the burning end against one of Drake's testicles. The boy screeched with pain.

"Help! Help! Please! Please!" He wiggled and fought, but he couldn't get a single limb free. He sobbed even louder. "Sto-o-op! Please, stop!" Even when he closed his eyes, he could see that menacing alligator smirk his father always gave him.

"How do you like that, huh?! Not so tough now, are you?!"

"Please, please, please!" he begged. The pain only got worse and worse the longer the cigarette was held against one of his balls.

"Say you're sorry! SAY IT!"

"I'm sorry," Drake sobbed, the pain so immense that he would've said just about anything right now. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Jesus, dude," one of the others said. "C'mon, that's enough."

Finally, the cigarette was pulled away, but the young man couldn't tell the difference.

"Eat it!" the leader said, forcing the cigarette in between Drake's lips. Once it was in, he held his hand over the boy's mouth so he couldn't spit it out.

The fire burned his tongue, then his cheek, then the roof of his mouth.

"EAT IT!"

"HEY!" It was Ricardo. He, along with Dee and Julio, were rounding a corner to the back of Flux.

Suddenly, the weight lifted off of Drake and he could move again. The boys bolted and it was only seconds later when Ricardo flew right past Drake. Dee wasn't far behind. Julio stayed back and squatted down next to his friend, who was trembling like all hell. The victim tried to sit up, but couldn't. He spat the cigarette out, but it just rolled down to his neck. Julio brushed it away before it could burn him too badly, then his friend screamed again at the touch to his neck as if he feared being strangled.

"It's okay! It's me! It's me! It's Julio!" he said. "Drake, do you know where you are?"

He could tell that he was laying in the street, but at the same time, he could see those familiar basement walls closing in on him. He shook his head with pitiful confusion and his fingers trembled with fear.

"We're right outside of Flux. Four guys jumped you. It wasn't your dad, okay? He's not here." He felt horrible when he saw the boy shaking like all hell. Screams filled the alleyway up ahead and Julio looked up to see that his brother had gotten ahold of one of the attackers and was beating the shit out of him. He saw that these noises only put Drake on edge even more. "Can I help you pull up your pants? Is that okay?" He waited until he had permission, then he pulled up his friend's boxers and jeans.

"My fucking balls hurt!" Drake complained as he clutched his groin.

"We'll get some ice, okay?" His heart broke as his friend sobbed. "Let me get some from the kitchen, okay?" He started to stand, but his wrist was grabbed.

"Please don't leave me alone," the boy begged. Despite Julio explaining the situation to him, he could go back to his dad's basement at any time.

"Okay. Okay, I won't. I'm not going anywhere." Julio looked around for help. He thought about calling out to Dee, but Dee was busy trying to peel his boyfriend off of Drake's attacker. "Shit!" It was then that the back door opened and he saw Stavros. "Get some ice!" he barked.

"What the-"

"Go!"

Stavros disappeared inside and wasted no time. He was back out in under two minutes. "Here!" He passed Julio a Ziplock bag full of ice.

"Okay, Drake, I'm gonna unzip your pants, okay?" He waited until his friend nodded before he did this, then he carefully slid the bag inside.

"Ahhh!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"What the fuck did they do to him?!" Stavros asked.

Julio was too busy watching the fight that was taking place at the end of the alleyway. "He's gonna kill him," he mumbled. He sounded serious and Stavros started to panic. "Drake, I'll be right back, okay?"

"No..."

"Stavros is right here. He's gonna stay with you." He looked at the man. "Right?"

"Yeah, of course." He squatted down next to Drake and then Julio took off.

As he approached the chaotic scene, he saw that Dee was trying desperately to pull Ricky off of the guy who had pinned down Drake's feet. Julio cringed when he heard the sound of bones cracking, followed by screaming.

"GAAHH! MY FUCKING ARM!"

"Ricardo!" Dee was yelling. "That's enough!"

"Bro, stop!" Julio demanded as he helped his brother's boyfriend pull the raging man away.

"Please! I'm sorry!" the guy was saying as he sobbed just as hard as Drake was sobbing.

Ricardo was being dragged away, so he started cursing rapidly in Spanish and although the guy on the ground couldn't understand, he was fucking terrified.

"It wasn't us! It wasn't us! We were paid to do it!" he admitted, which shocked Julio.

"By who?!"

"I don't know," he cried. "I don't know. Please."

"BY WHO?!" Julio demanded.

"I don't know! She's skinny and blonde and really cute! She has a British accent! Like, she's European or something! I don't know her name! Please!"

They didn't need a name. They knew who it was. Ricardo and his brother locked eyes and they both said it at the same time. "Dahlia."

---

When Drake hissed, Julio said, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He continued to dab at the blood underneath his friend's nose, but more gently this time.

Drake was sitting in the bath in cold water as his roommate cleaned off his face. He kept having to rotate between sitting in the tub and sitting on the edge of the tub because the constant cold was burning his wound just as much as not having any coolness on it at all. His eyes were bloodshot because of his crying, so they matched the rest of his bloodied face.

"I don't understand," he choked. He seemed more hurt by the fact that his ex fiancée had set him up like this than by the actual physical pain, although he was in a lot of physical pain.

"I know."

"Why would she do this?" he asked with vulnerability and obliviousness. However, he knew why. He'd fought back. He'd stood up to her and he shouldn't have. "She knows how I react. She knows w-what happens when someone touches me — when they hold me down like that. How could she just let that happen?"

Julio didn't have an answer for this. Dahlia wasn't fucking human. Drake was right. She knew exactly how he would react. She purposely triggered his PTSD so that he'd relive some horrible experience his father had put him through. Julio couldn't imagine ever doing this even to his worst enemy, which was Dahlia. Even after this, he wouldn't dream of doing it to her if given the opportunity. That's just something you don't fucking do.

"I've gotta get up. It's fucking burning."

Julio had to help him stand after the beating he was given, but he kept his eyes up until Drake covered himself with a towel.

"God, I'm so fucking embarrassed."

"Don't be embarrassed. No one was there. Me and my brother and Dee — you know none of us would ever think anything bad about you because of this and Stavros is cool as fuck. I don't think you need to worry about him."

"When you left to get Ricky, he was really nice to me," Drake said. "He talked to me and tried to calm me down."

Julio stood and went over to the sink, then he washed the blood out of the rag and wrung the excess water out. He brought it back to his friend and continued carefully dabbing at the blood. "They really fucked up your face, dude."

"I think he was wearing rings." This was another thing to be embarrassed about. "God, and I have fucking rehearsals tomorrow. This is the second time I'm gonna be walking in there covered in bruises." The first time was when Julio had beaten him up for refusing to give him his car keys. "They're gonna think... I don't know what they're gonna think."

"It's not their business. Tell 'em that."

"I can't do that."

"I know. You're too nice," Julio said. "Maybe you can call out a couple days? Just until the swelling goes down and you can cover the bruises with make-up. That's what you used to do, right?"

"I can't call out. Opening day isn't that far away and I wanna get as much practice in as possible because I don't wanna fuck up in front of a bunch of people." He sighed. "Fuck it. I'll just tell them I was jumped."

"Well, it's the truth."

"I know. I guess it's just weird because I've used that excuse way too many times in the past."

"None of these people are gonna know that. They'll believe you."

Drake was quiet for a moment other than another hiss of pain.

"Shit! Sorry!"

After a few moments, he meekly asked, "Was that guy Ricky got ahold of okay?"

Julio hesitated to answer. "Not really. My brother fucked him up. I think he broke his arm."

"Shit."

"You shouldn't feel bad for him. He deserved what he got."

There was more silence before Drake softly admitted, "Ricky kinda scared me."

"Yeah, me, too."

"Dee was pissed."

"Yeah. He's not used to seeing my brother like that. I mean, I'm not either. It may have happened a couple times before, but he hasn't been that angry since he got with Dee. He really lost control."

"I've gotta get back in." The burning was getting worse and it was time to cool it off. He could get in on his own; it was just getting out that really hurt his battered ribs.

"Well, before you do that — like, this doesn't have to be weird, but I think I should check and make sure it doesn't look like you need to go to the hospital."

"You tryna sneak a peek?"

Julio rolled his eyes. "Alright, fuck it, but if you have to get one of your balls removed because it got infected or something, don't come crying to me."

"Okay, fine." Drake turned carefully and tried to cover as much as possible with the towel. "Just don't touch it."

"I'm not gonna...!" The notion was so fucking stupid that he couldn't even finish his sentence. He looked at his friend with a dead stare.

"Well," the boy said defensively with a shrug. Drake couldn't even look at him while Julio visually examined the wound. He kept his eyes on the ceiling with obvious discomfort. He felt like a long time had gone by, so he spoke up. "I mean, shit, Julio, are you trying to draw a picture of it while you're down there or something?"

"The lighting is so shit in here." He moved to the side as an attempt to not cast a shadow.

The exposed young man gave it a few more seconds. "Is it bad? Are they gonna have to remove it?"

"I don't... It looks bad, but I think it'll heal," said Julio, then he pulled out his phone. "Let me google what to do."

"You're just now doing that?"

"Hey, you want my fucking help or not?"

Drake closed his mouth then. He knew his friend would help him either way, but he also knew he could be very rude and demanding when he was in pain and he didn't want to give Julio a hard time. This wasn't his fault.

"After you get out, it says to put a cold compress on it for about ten minutes at a time. It says not to use ice, but we don't have a cold compress. I guess it just means not to put the ice directly on the skin, so we'll have to wrap it in something." He skimmed through the web page. "It says to use aloe vera cream. My brother'll probably figure that out."

"Has he said how much longer he'll be?"

Julio shook his head. "It says not to pop any blisters if they come up."

"Blisters?! Oh, fuck," he whined nervously.

"Maybe there won't be any. It just says 'if.' Don't be rubbing it or scratching it or anything."

He was still picturing the blisters with worry. "This sucks."

"Don't use anti-itch cream..." Julio mumbled. "Keep the burn area out of sunlight..."

"Great, I guess I can't go outside and whip my dick out," he said sarcastically.

"Dude, calm down."

"Yeah, that's easy for you to say when you're not sitting there with your fucking balls on fire!" Drake snapped, then he immediately felt bad. He sighed and lowered his head. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to take it out on you. I'm just embarrassed. I appreciate you being here. I really do."

"I know. It's okay."

"Can I get back in now?"

"Yeah." Julio nodded.

The young man clenched his jaw as if that would lessen some of the pain in his torso. He eased himself down into the water and took comfort in the coolness on his burn. Silence took over the bathroom as Julio continued to read and Drake got stuck in his head. He still felt guilty about being such a prick, so he tried to keep his complaints to a minimum and he did, but only because he started thinking about his father and his threat to burn him alive. He tried to imagine how that would've felt when he was currently losing his shit over one small wound.

"You know," he said, breaking the silence after a few minutes, "that night...back at my dad's..."

This grabbed his friend's attention and he looked up from his phone.

"...he made me guess how he would...how he would do it. I..." He shook his head as if he was reliving the scarring moment. "I was crying and I was begging. I couldn't think straight. I just kept picturing myself dying over and over and over again...a hundred different ways...trying to figure out how much pain each way would cause and how long each would take." His eyes watered over, but he managed to keep his tears back. "He said he was gonna make a noose and force me to hang myself, but he wasn't gonna let it break my neck or anything. He wanted me to really suffer. I was so scared. I remember watching this ghost hunting show with him when I was little and they were investigating this prison where this guy was executed by hanging, but something went wrong and he didn't die immediately. He dangled there for, like, fifteen minutes or something...just gasping for breath. I kept thinking that that's what was gonna happen to me."

As he spoke, Julio's eyes involuntarily moved downwards. He couldn't help but stare at each scar left on his friend's body that night. He couldn't even begin to imagine the physical pain they had caused, much less the mental pain.

"And then he said," the boy continued, looking straight ahead at the tub wall as if he were watching the memories play back right in front of him like a film, "that just before I took my last breath, he was gonna set me on fire and let me burn. He spat vodka on me and..." He couldn't stop his voice from cracking when he said, "I really thought..." He dropped his head as he focused on keeping his tears back. He'd cried enough for one day.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you," Julio said in a serious and somber tone. "It's fucked up and you didn't deserve it. I can't even...begin to imagine what you were feeling and I know it makes you sad when you think about him being gone, but...look at me."

Drake didn't at first, but he knew Julio wouldn't take no for an answer.

"He is gone. He can never hurt you again. He can never make you feel that way again. You understand me?"

He nodded, then he hung his head again. There were still no tears, but Drake did sniffle.

Knock! Knock! "Hey, I'm back," Ricardo called from the other side of the door.

"I'll be out in a bit," Julio said back.

The boy in the bathtub spoke up. "It's okay."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be right back, okay?" After Drake nodded, he slipped out the door and closed it behind him.

"How's he doing?"

"He's pretty upset. They triggered his PTSD and he's telling me about shit his dad did to him."

Ricardo shook his head, clearly tense and still enraged.

"Did Dee go home?"

"No, he's in my room," Ricardo said. "He's really pissed at me."

"I think you just scared him. You scared all of us."

"I know. I don't know what comes over me sometimes. It's like I black out or something, but I don't. I'm aware of what I'm doing and I just can't stop it." He seemed to regret how scary and aggressive he was, but not what he'd done to one of the guys who had attacked his friend. "I might've killed him if you two hadn't pulled me off of him. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me."

"Maybe you should look into anger management classes or something." He could see that the man wasn't too fond of this idea. "I don't know. Or something. I don't wanna get a phone call from you saying you're in jail for losing control and really hurting someone. Drake tried counseling. I've been going to AA meetings. Now it's your turn to do something about your anger."

Ricardo sighed. "Okay. I'll try to figure something out — something other than anger management classes." He redirected the conversation back to his injured roommate. "Did Drake let you look at his burn?"

"Yeah, it's not good, but I don't think he'll have to go to the hospital."

The man held out the plastic bag in his hand. "I got some cream. Google said aloe vera."

Julio nodded as he took the bag and noticed that there was more in it than the tube of cream.

"I got him a candy bar, too, because — I don't know — I like to eat candy bars when I'm sad."

This made his younger brother smile. "I'll tell him."

"Let me know if he needs anything else." He was stalling and Julio knew this.

"We'll be alright. Go work things out with Dee."

The two separated. Ricky went towards his bedroom and Julio went back into the bathroom. He saw Drake clearly in pain as he lifted himself up with his arms.

"I need out," the young man said.

"Oh, shit. Yeah, okay." Julio helped him sit down on the edge of the tub again.

"Thanks."

"Ricky got the aloe vera—" He got it out of the bag, then he pulled out a Snickers. "—and a candy bar for if you're sad, he said."

Drake accepted the Snickers appreciatively. He opened it, then held it out so that his friend could break off half.

"Nah, I'm good." He sat down on the edge of the tub and looked down at the tube in his hand, reading some of the bright-colored key words on the front. "Are you about to get out for good or you wanna wait a while before putting this on?"

"I wanna stay in here a little bit longer if that's okay." It's already been about forty-five minutes of constantly switching back and forth between getting in and out of the tub and he felt bad that Julio had to stay here and help him.

"No, take your time," he said, reading the directions now to see how often Drake needed to apply the cream.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while. Drake ate his chocolate and Julio was checking his Facebook notifications, which were mostly for photos or videos from their gig tonight that he had been tagged in. He read through some of the comments to see what the overall consensus was and people seemed to really like the show. He was grateful that things had gone so well. After what had happened last time, he was worried how the audience would react to Drake's appearance and honestly he was nervous about being in a place with a full bar, but everything ended up going smoothly. He didn't drink and his sobriety partner didn't get high.

Drake crinkled up the candy wrapper when he finished, then he tossed it towards the mini trash can and missed due to the lightness of the paper. "Shit," he mumbled to himself.

Julio turned towards him when he heard movement and saw his friend getting back into the tub. "You got it?"

"Yeah." He winced slightly when the muscles on his bruised back flexed, but other than that, he got in just fine. "Why don't we ever buy chocolate?"

The young man had already went back to his phone, so he didn't quite catch what Drake had said. He turned to him. "Hmm?"

"Why don't we ever buy chocolate? Or candy in general?"

"I don't know. No one ever writes it on the list."

"We should. Pretty sure it just cured my depression."

This made Julio chuckle airily through his nose. "I think you were just hungry. Didn't you skip dinner?"

This was true. He didn't want to eat and then get nervous about performing and throw up on stage. "Seriously, everything that happened today — I'm over it. Fuck that counselor. Fuck those guys. Fuck Clem. The gig was fun and you said a bunch of nice shit and they're not gonna ruin that moment for me."

"That's good."

"It was really nice, by the way. Everything you said."

"And I meant it."

"Cool. I wasn't really crying, though. That was just an act."

Julio snorted. "Fuck outta here."

---

(6 days later)

"You doing okay?" Ricardo asked his younger brother. He had to yell over the loud music that was playing at the gay nightclub just so that he could be heard.

"It's different," he admitted. "I just don't want anybody to touch me."

"Being gay doesn't mean we're gonna go around touching people without permission," the man said.

Julio saw that he was offended. "Shit, I'm sorry. I'm being ignorant. I'm sorry."

It was less than five months ago that Ricardo had opened up about his sexuality and, before that, the only time Julio had been around gay guys was when Drake hung out with Gemini or Rhinestone or Sawyer. He had mixed feelings about the first two because they could be pretty conniving and Drake's admitted that Rhinestone actually has tried to cop a feel on a couple occasions, but Sawyer was pretty dope. There was a lot of femininity running around and it wasn't something he was used to, but he was willing to learn. He wanted to have an open mind and understand his brother.

"Dee's pretty late," Ricky stated. The club scene was new to him as well, so he, too, was feeling uncomfortable.

"It's his birthday. He's allowed to be late," said Julio. "Is he just picking that guy up and that's it?"

Dee was a personal trainer. He had been working with a guy for many months now and they had become good friends, so he'd invited him out to his birthday celebration and was stopping by his house to pick him up now.

"Yeah."

"Is that weird?" the youngest asked. "Him bringing another guy?"

"He said his friend is straight."

Julio trusted Dee, so if Dee said his friend was straight, he believed him. He could tell Ricardo wasn't bothered by it either.

"Where did Drake run off to?" Ricky questioned.

"Who the hell knows?"

Unlike them, their friend didn't seem at all uncomfortable to be here.

"I thought he was supposed to stick with you," the man said.

"I don't need a babysitter."

"I know. It just..." He sighed. "I'm a little concerned, alright? I mean, are you sure coming here was a good idea?"

"I'm not gonna drink," Julio assured.

"Me neither."

"Ricardo, you can drink. I'm not gonna get upset."

"I'm driving," was his excuse.

"Drake can drive. He said he wouldn't drink since I can't. It's Dee's birthday. Let loose. Have fun."

He didn't respond, but he was opening up to the idea.

"Hey," Drake said, squeezing through the crowd to get to his friends. "Dee's still not here?"

"Where have you been?" the oldest asked.

"Just around. Hey, can I have some of my money?"

"How much?"

"Just, like, ten dollars."

Ricardo's eyebrow lifted with stern curiosity. "For what?"

"Just..." He could tell his roommate knew he wanted to buy ecstasy. "C'mon, Ricky, don't be a buzzkill. Please."

"It's not a good idea."

"It's not a big deal! We can all do it. I'll buy you some, too. This guy said he'll give me two for the price of one if I make out with him."

"Jesus!" Julio exclaimed.

"What?" the boy said defensively. "I was getting one for you." He actually wasn't. He'd planned on taking both, but one was better than none. He couldn't drink and he's never been to a club sober.

"You've been here for fifteen minutes and you're doing this already?" his friend called him out. "Drake...come on. What the fuck, bruh?"

Drake could see the disappointment on his face. He wasn't wrong, though, but he couldn't stand being around a bunch of geeked up people and not be geeked up himself. He didn't know how to have fun here without being messed up. What was the harm anyway? It's not like he was sucking dick or actually prostituting or anything. It's just a couple minutes of lip action, so really, these guys were freaking out for no reason.

"I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong," the young man said. "I mean, I'll pay for two if it's that big of a deal to you. I'm just trying to have fun and spend as little as possible."

"That'll be easy," Ricardo said, "because I'm not giving you the money."

He wanted to argue, but he knew he wouldn't win against Ricky, so he groaned like a moody teen and stormed off.

"And I'm the one who needs the babysitter," Julio said, then he looked over at his brother. "You know he's just gonna make out with him, right?"

"What the hell is wrong with him?" the older one said.

"I think he's struggling with his sobriety."

"He said that?"

"No, but he's been acting differently since last week."

"Because of what those assholes did to him?"

Maybe Drake was feeling insecure about himself now that he had a giant scab on one of his testicles. Maybe this was his way of feeling validated. Maybe this was a result of his PTSD being triggered. Maybe he needed male approval since his father wasn't around.

"I don't know, maybe," Julio said. "I think it's more because of how that appointment with the counselor went. I think he feels like no one can help him and he just wants to get fucked up again."

"That's just fucking great."

"You ever think...I don't know — maybe he's bipolar?"

"All the time."

"No, like really bipolar," he said. "Not even two weeks ago, he couldn't get out of bed. Now he's out here doing this shit...and he doesn't even know why."

"I don't know much about it, to be honest," Ricardo said. "I mean, I know it involves mood swings."

"Since we've been hanging out so much lately, I've been looking into it and it kinda explains some things. When you're bipolar, you rotate between feeling really high ups and really low downs. When he's down, he skips past sad and goes straight to suicidal. When he's up — see that's the part I don't understand. I don't think there are times when he's ever not sad, but moving out and proposing after a week is the kind of manic behavior someone with bipolar disorder would do," said Julio. "And then there's this. Like, this doesn't make any sense unless he's lying to us about not being gay."

"You think we can convince him to go to a psychiatrist and try meds again?"

The young man sighed. "I don't know. It'll be tough. I don't think he has faith in doctors anymore after that counselor said he only had moderate depression."

"I guess we'll worry about that later. Lemme go stop him before someone gives him drugs."

Julio went with him to be an extra set of eyes, but they ended up running into Dee first. He and his boyfriend greeted each other with a kiss.

"I tried to call you, but I figured you couldn't hear your phone ring in here."

"No, I didn't even feel it vibrate," his boyfriend said. "Where's your friend?"

"Bathroom."

"Okay. Can you give me a second? I have to find Drake really quick."

"Sure. Everything okay?"

"Yeah. You know. He's just back on his bullshit."

"Ah." Dee nodded with understanding. "Okay. When he gets out of the bathroom, we'll come catch up with you."

They separated. The place was so crowded that it took him and Julio five minutes to find him and, of course, he was kissing some dealer. The younger boy hung back and let his brother handle it. While he watched from a distance, he noticed Dee coming his way out of the corner of his eye. With him was his mystery friend and Julio immediately recognized his familiar face.

"Oh, shit..."

Ricardo squeezed his way past people. He was tall and muscular, so most of the crowd moved for him. He excused himself and apologized on repeat until he was just a few feet away from his destination. Drake was no longer locking lips with the stranger. Instead, they were just talking and the guy he was with was clearly crushing on him. Ricky could tell by the way his eyes sparkled when he smiled up at him. He started to hold out his hand and that's when Ricardo finally reached them.

"Give him those pills and I will break your fucking hand." He spoke with dominance and he knew this voice could scare just about anybody.

Drake was irritated when he saw him. "Ricky, fuck off!"

However, the man wasn't looking at Drake. He was eyeing the ecstasy-holder. He was small and thin like the addict he had been making out with, which meant he was no match for Ricardo. Mere seconds passed before the dealer began to cower.

"If I catch him high, it'll be your ass. Back off," he demanded strictly.

The supplier obeyed.

"Ricky!" Drake exclaimed. "What the hell is your problem?!"

"My problem?! Are you fucking serious?!"

"You act like I'm out here trying to score heroin or something! It's fucking ecstasy! I've done it plenty of times! I've done it with you plenty of times! I don't know why you're making a big deal about this!"

"Because, Drake!" he yelled back and luckily it was so loud in the building that they hadn't caused a scene. "I don't understand why you're being like this! Are you that desperate to get high?!"

"I'm just trying to have fun! You're overreacting!"

"Overreacting?! Drake-" He managed to calm himself. Although he didn't think anyone was listening to them, he didn't want to loudly air out their dirty laundry. "I know you're just kissing some guy and it seems innocent and all, but have you stopped to think about why you're doing it? It's not to have fun. It's because you wanna use drugs. It's a form of payment. You're doing that same shit again. It always starts out seeming innocent, right? Then before you know it, you're on the streets and completely off the grid."

He was calling him a prostitute in the kindest way he knew how and it actually made the boy stop and think rather than respond angrily.

Ricardo continued. "Look, I don't think taking those pills right now is a good idea. I get it. Believe me, I do. You've never had a problem with them before, so why not, right? I can't stop you from doing it and if you really wanna do it that bad, I'll give you your money, but I don't want you to use your body to get what you want because you're better than that. You've gotta get out of that habit. You think people only wanna use you for sex, but that's how you are presenting yourself. If you want them to see you for something other than an easy lay, then fucking act like it. This is why you feel so shit about yourself. You don't even know what you're worth."

The last few times he was here, he'd always ended up with someone's dick in his mouth. Back then, he'd either been here with Gemini or he'd been alone. Now he had his family here. He had people watching him lose himself. Gem had encouraged his chaotic behavior, but Ricardo and Julio saw it for what it was: a desperate need for short-term validation.

"You promised me," the man was saying. "You promised me you'd behave tonight. You promised you'd look out for my brother. It's Dee's birthday. Please don't make this night about you."

Those last words hit him hard. Drake was already responsible for one break-up. He'd managed to repair it, but he wasn't sure he could do it again if he broke it a second time.

"You're right."

"You understand?" He hoped his friend didn't take his words too harshly and get hurt by them because they weren't meant maliciously.

"Yeah. You're right. I'm a hot mess. I'm sorry. I don't know why I get like this," Drake said, "but it's over. Whatever it is — I'll chill out."

"I didn't mean to yell at you."

"I didn't mean to yell at you either."

"No, it's good. You usually give in the second I start yelling, but you didn't this time. You're standing up for yourself. That's progress."

"One day, I'm gonna surprise you and win an argument, too."

Ricardo laughed. "Dream on."

"Just wait. It'll happen."

"You're not gonna win because I'm never fucking wrong."

Drake rolled his eyes. "Let's go have fun."

The oldest led the way back to where the rest of their party was waiting.

"Oh, here they are!" Dee said when he saw them approaching. "This is my boyfriend Ricardo and my friend Drake. Guys, this is-"

He didn't get the chance to finish. He didn't need to. They both knew who he was.

The name came off of Drake's lips involuntarily. "Josh..."

There he was, the step-brother he hadn't seen in three years — since the night Marcellas cashed in on what he was owed. Like Dee had mentioned, he was his personal trainer and he had clearly helped a lot. Josh was much thinner — not Drake thin, but he was very fit and had noticeable muscles. He was no longer pale and he didn't have that awkward, wavy hair on top of his head. Instead, it was short and straight and parted at the side and he even had facial hair. His style had changed from the unflattering, boring tees and baggy jeans to a nice, striped, button-up, collared shirt and dark blue skinnies.

"Holy shit!" Drake exclaimed, still trying to grasp what he was seeing. "Josh!"

"You two already know each other?" Dee asked with furrowed brows.

"He's my step-brother."

Drake couldn't even begin to describe the emotions that exploded out of his heart when he heard the boy speak for the first time since he stood up against Marcellas for him. "Jesus, how are you?!" The young man was still in shock. "You look good! Oh my God!" And this is when the waterworks began. Typical Drake. "Oh my God... Holy shit..."

Josh stepped closer and went in for a hug and Drake returned the embrace, his crying picking up already. The other three boys excused themselves and told the reunited brothers where they could be found before disappearing into the crowd.

"I can't believe you're really here," Josh said. "I thought..." He didn't even want to finish his sentence, but he went ahead with a sugar-coated version. "I thought something must've happened to you."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry about everything." He couldn't bring himself to let go. This was the first time in a long time that he was seeing someone from his family and it made him remember all of the horrible shit he's done. He was overcome by regret — so much so that all he could do was apologize. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Where have you been?"

He was sobbing too hard to answer. A hundred things were running through his mind: being shunned from the family, sleeping with Mindy, getting her pregnant, almost getting everyone killed. He was ashamed about all of the degrading things he had done since leaving: living with Tad, countless relapses, prostitution, homelessness, two suicide attempts. Now that Josh was back in his life — if he stayed — then he'd learn about these things. It would be like the biggest "I told you so" ever.

"I'm sorry," he said when he was able to speak again. "I fucked up so much."

Josh wasn't sure what he was expecting to see if he ever saw Drake again, but this wasn't it. Maybe a still body inside a coffin or a sickly drug fiend living under a bridge or a lost soul behind prison bars. His step-brother didn't seem anywhere near as bad off as he'd always pictured. Drake wasn't letting go, so Josh had to push him back so that he could examine him.

"You look well."

It was something recovering addicts hear too often. Drake hated it — it was just a reminder of how pitiful he'd once looked to the ones around him — but this time, he was proud to hear it.

"I'm clean," he couldn't wait to tell him and a couple more sobs left him. "I'm finally clean."

Josh smiled. "Good for you."

He was still trying to take in the site before him, but Drake hung his head and continued to bawl. The older brother moved closer and hid his face in the crook of Josh's neck, then wrapped his arms around him again. He wept with guilt.

"I've missed you so fucking much. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so fucking sorry."

Josh didn't say that it was okay because it wasn't okay, but that didn't mean he wasn't happy to see him. Drake would never be able to take away the pain he'd caused the Parker-Nichols family, but he was acknowledging that he'd done wrong and that was a start at least.

People were starting to stare and this made Josh uncomfortable, so he said, "You wanna find someplace quieter to catch up?"

"Yeah." Drake let him go. "Hold on. Let me tell them where I'm going so they don't freak out."

The crew hadn't went far because Ricardo and Julio wanted to keep an eye on the two just in case things went south. Josh watched Drake slip through the crowd and approach the oldest. They spoke for a few moments, then the boy nodded a few times. He was probably asked if he was alright. Even from here, Josh could see him shaking. Ricky reached out and pulled the boy against his chest. He spoke some more, but Josh wasn't good at reading lips. After they parted, he offered his friend a pat on the shoulder and a toothy smile like he was excited for him. Drake then said a couple things to the birthday boy and Dee shook his head and looked as though he was offering assurance. Maybe he felt guilty for being so emotional while they were partying. A few words were shared with Julio, who also shook his head and seemed like he was urging the young man to go. Drake nodded, then returned to Josh. He led him out a side door so that they were in an alley, then he pulled out his cigarettes. They were quiet while he got one out, lit it, then took a deep breath in. A cloud of smoke left his lips on an exhale.

"I'm sorry I'm such a wreck." Drake wiped his eyes and sniffled.

"Don't worry about it," he replied. "That was pretty responsible of you — you know, letting them know where you were going." It was just a small thing, but to Josh, it seemed so out of character for his brother.

"We have an accountability system kinda," the young man explained. "Ricky and Julio helped me get clean."

"That's really good," Josh said.

Drake just stared at him as he bounced on the balls of his heels restlessly and smoked. He couldn't explain why he was trembling, but he couldn't stop. "It's so good to see you, man."

"It's good to see you."

"I think about you everyday."

"Then why haven't you come back?"

Drake didn't know how to answer this. He didn't want to tell him he'd been banned, but he also didn't want it to sound like he didn't love them.

"Did you just not want to," Josh asked, "or was it because my dad told you to stay away?"

"You know about that?"

"It came out."

"Look, I wanted to come home, Josh. I wanted to come back that night everything went down, but it's okay. I get why he told me to go. I'm not mad," Drake said. "And then I tried to go home a while ago, but then everyone was gone and some other family was there."

"Geez, I had no idea. You must've thought we abandoned you."

Drake could still remember that sickening feeling he'd had when he thought that his family would be lost to him forever. "It's okay. I ran into Meelah's parents later and they wrote down the new address. I just haven't looked at it yet."

"Are you going to?"

The young man was quiet for a moment. "I don't know. I promised Walter I would stay away."

"My dad regrets the way he treated you and your mom misses you so much. So much. You should go see her."

"She doesn't hate me?" His voice cracked when he said this and his bottom lip quivered.

"Of course she doesn't hate you! She talks about you all the time. She prays for you every morning when she wakes up and every night before she goes to sleep. She's never once given up on you."

More tears came as he wiped his eyes. "I never meant to hurt anyone. I never wanted to be this way. I've done so much..."

Josh stayed quiet as he cried. This wasn't a Drake he knew. This wasn't the normal Drake and this wasn't the drug-addicted Drake. This was a whole new Drake and he wasn't sure how he felt about it.

"I'm so ashamed, Josh," he sobbed. "I'm so ashamed."

Unlike Ricardo, he didn't hug him or soothe him with kind words. He offered no comfort. Was he happy to see Drake again? Absolutely. Did that mean he had forgotten what he'd done? No. Drake fucked up big time. He caused a lot of pain. Now it was all catching up to him. Now he had to deal with the consequences, but honestly, Josh wasn't here for all that. He just wanted to know what his step-brother's life was like now.

"So are you into guys now?" he asked and Drake was taken aback by the sudden topic change.

He sniffled and wiped some of the tears off of his face, but more replaced them. "No," he said with confusion.

"'Cause I saw you with that guy."

"No, I was just..." He couldn't explain that to him, especially when he didn't even understand it himself. "I mean, I've been with guys before, but...I'm not into guys." This wasn't making any sense, even to himself. "I was just... He was gonna give—" He stopped talking abruptly and it was obvious by his facial expression that he'd said something he hadn't wanted to.

Josh voiced his suspicion. "He was gonna give you drugs?"

"I mean, it's no big deal really. I never had a problem with anything but cough medicine."

"I thought you said you were clean."

"I was." Drake quickly corrected himself. "I am. I just — I mean, since I'm only addicted to Triple C's, that's all I really keep track of. I haven't done ecstasy in years. It's really not a big deal."

Josh seemed doubtful and his scrunched eyebrows and tight lips showed this.

"Really," the young man said again as of this would assure his step-brother.

"So kissing guys for drugs is..." Josh shrugged questioningly. "—not a problem?" His query silenced the boy. "I saw you arguing with Ricardo when he tried to stop you." He gave Drake a chance to explain himself, but he couldn't. "Anyway, it's not really my business anymore," he said, ready to move on.

"Josh—"

"So no girlfriends or...boyfriends?"

He dropped the subject, too, and shook his head. He considered talking about Dahlia, but decided against it. "You?"

"Yeah, I've been with my girlfriend Rochelle for close to a year now."

"What's she like?"

"She's really funny and she's really smart. She likes video games and sports and cooking."

"Where did you two meet?"

"We had a couple college courses together. We joined the same study group and we just hit it off instantly. Now we share an apartment by the school."

If they shared an apartment, Drake assumed this meant they had slept together, which meant that Josh was no longer a virgin. He wondered if she was the first person he had been with or if there were other girls, but he didn't ask.

"What's she look like? Do you have a picture?"

"I don't," he said flatly.

In this day and age, there was no way that he didn't have a single photo with or of her. There was Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat — not to mention his phone's camera roll...and he didn't have a single picture? Drake knew what it was. Josh didn't want to show him because of what had happened with Mindy. He didn't trust Drake and that hurt a little bit, but he couldn't really blame him. He pretended to believe Josh's lie.

"Oh, well, I'm really glad you met her. You deserve to be happy."

"What about you? Any college?"

"Come on. Me?" He tried to make a joke, but he felt inferior.

"Or a job?"

Drake shook his head with embarrassment. He tried to think of something to counter this — some big accomplishment — but he couldn't think of anything at all. He thought he'd made a lot of progress, but after all these years, he's done nothing with his life. He put so much work in, yet he was still heading nowhere. He was just heading nowhere whilst sober.

"I mean, I had one. Ricardo owns a bar and I was working there for a while."

"Why'd you stop?"

He'd only brought it up so he didn't sound like a complete loser, but by doing this, he'd dug himself into a deeper hole. How was he supposed to answer this? "I, um..." He could lie, but what lie would make sense? He needed to have a good excuse for why he was currently jobless and letting Ricardo take care of him. He couldn't think of any and he really didn't like lying anymore. "I relapsed." He tried to say it casually, but he was clearly embarrassed. "It was several months ago. I was almost a year clean, but then I slipped up and I ran away for a while. He told me I could come back because I'm a good worker," he said, a bit too desperate to not look like a waste of human flesh, "but he wanted me to give it time and not rush into things."

"How long did you say you've been clean again?"

"About a month?" Suddenly, that number didn't seem so big anymore. He kept his eyes low as he lit another cigarette.

"That's really good," Josh said, but he was just being courteous.

"Thanks," the boy replied quietly. He didn't want to talk about himself anymore. "Um, are you still working at The Premier?"

"No. Actually, I'm an Intelligence Research Specialist for the DEA."

His brother worked for the fucking DEA: the Drug Enforcement Administration. Back in high school, this wasn't the direction he'd been heading towards at all. He was supposed to go to Harvard or Yale or some big school. He had the grades, but instead, he decided to go to some community college so that he could spend the rest of his life fighting in the war on drugs. There was no doubt that Drake had heavily influenced this life choice and it made him feel bad, but not just that. He also felt like a loser — like he was the kind of vermin that Josh was trying to exterminate.

"Wow," Drake said. "That sounds fancy."

"It's really not."

"Do you like it?"

"I do."

"That's good." He swallowed and shifted uncomfortably, his eyes still on the ground. "That's really good." Just minutes ago, Drake had tried to score drugs right in front of a drug enforcement agent. Fucking perfect, he thought with a tinge of self-loathing.

"So feel free to throw out some names." The young man laughed.

It was a joke. Drake knew this, but it still hurt his feelings that Josh saw him this way. He wasn't like that. He wasn't on heroin or meth or coke. He just took cough medicine. His drug dealer was a goddamn grocery store. He didn't have names and he wouldn't share them if he did. Still, the young man forced some awkward laughter so that Josh didn't feel bad about what he'd said.

"So what about music? Are you still doing that?"

"Um, well, we're probably gonna start the band back up. Julio and I did a gig last week and it went really well. The owner likes us and it pays alright."

"That's pretty cool. When are you playing?"

"I don't know yet. We've both kinda gotta lot of stuff going on, so it's hard finding time to practice."

He could tell that Josh was curious as to what kept him so busy when he had neither a job nor schooling. Between rehearsals and Julio's DUI classes and AA meetings (which he went to about three or four nights a week), it was hard to fit in a time when they could practice together without being exhausted.

"I've joined a musical production," Drake explained. "The rehearsal schedule's pretty all-over-the-place."

"You're doing Rent with Dee?"

"Yeah." He couldn't help but smile with pride a little bit. He was getting some traction back.

"That's crazy. I never would've pictured you as the acting type." After he said it, however, he realized that his step-brother was a phenomenal actor. He'd spent their entire relationship lying to Josh about many different things, including (but not limited to) his home-life with his father, his relationship with Mindy, and his addiction.

"Me neither, but Dee made me try out with him just for fun and I somehow landed a part, so I decided to actually stick with it."

"Good for you."

He was doing it again. He was seeking approval. Sex wasn't involved, but it still felt like a pathetic attempt. However, he couldn't stop. He needed his brother to know how well he was doing now. He didn't want to be that stupid, hopeless addict everyone had always viewed him as.

"You should come," Drake invited, "when the show opens. I can get you a ticket."

"I'll be there. Dee's getting one for me."

This meant that he was coming to support Dee, not Drake, but he tried not to take it to heart. Dee had asked first. It's not a big deal who gave him the ticket. He was coming. He'd see them both.

"Which character do you play?" Josh asked.

"I play a few different ones. I'm not part of the core, so I just do different stuff." He played a junkie. He played a homeless person. He played a member of the AIDS support group. There were others also.

"Is it fun?"

"It's a lot of fun. I'm glad he made me do it."

Josh watched him light another cigarette. This displeased him. Smoking was a nasty habit, but he said nothing. He didn't need to say anything anyway. Drake could tell what he thought about it just by looking at him.

"Sorry, I just... I guess I'm nervous," the chain-smoker said. "I didn't expect to ever see you again." He brushed his fingers through his hair. "So what day is Dee getting the ticket for? Do you know?"

"Opening night, I think."

"Oh, cool. That's when Ricky and Julio are coming. Mrs. Hayfer's gonna be there then, too."

"Mrs. Hayfer?" he was clearly confused.

"Yeah, we're like total BFFs now. We've got friendship bracelets." He held his up so that his step-brother could see the gray and yellow string tied around his wrist.

"You're kidding," he said with disbelief. When the boy shook his head, he asked, "How did that happen?"

Drake shrugged. He put his eyes downwards again, then began to examine the scuff marks on the white part of his Converse shoes. "Well, we kinda just ran into each other one day. I was at a really low point in my life — during the relapse I told you about. She took me back home."

Actually, Mrs. Hayfer had still hated him after that. It wasn't until his suicide attempt that she saw him in a different light, but he didn't want to mention that part.

"She's helped me a lot," the boy continued. "I'd be dead if not for her."

He was reminded of her sheer bravery when she stood up for him against a tweaked out addict wielding a gun. She risked her own life for him and that was just minutes after she'd caught him in her husband's tractor.

"She's really kind and selfless."

"See? I've tried telling you that," Josh said with a smile. "If only you weren't so dang stubborn."

Drake chuckled.

"I haven't seen her in a while," his younger brother said. "Since graduation."

"She came to my gig last week, which surprised me. She said she wanted to come to another one, too. And get this. After it was over, she came up to me while I was packing shit up and offered me feedback. She told me what I was doing wrong and gave me advice."

Josh laughed at this. "Yeah, that's Mrs. Hayfer for you. She never can just accept things as they are, even when you're one hundred percent sure that your science fair project is perfect just how it is."

"I'm sensing some bitterness."

"It was literally the font on the poster board. That's all she didn't like and it was fine. I used Helvetica. She said Times New Roman would've looked more professional."

The boy laughed. "Shit."

"What'd she say was wrong with your concert?"

"She said I should stop cussing so much."

"Oh. Yeah, I'd probably agree with her on that one."

"I grew up hearing bad language every weekend." In fact, it was all he heard every weekend. "I don't know why anyone expects me to be any different."

Josh went quiet and this gave Drake time to reflect on what he'd said. Although he'd meant it, he regretted saying it. He could talk about his dad with Julio and Ricardo anytime he felt like it, but he was never able to do that around his family. After Martin's death, everyone got awkward and weird if Drake mentioned him and apparently they hadn't grown out of that.

"Sorry, I don't know why I said that. I wasn't trying to...play victim or anything. I just..."

Back when he'd lived at the Parker-Nichols home, he could never escape what had happened to him. That's all anyone saw when they looked at him. To them, he was a rape victim. To the Santos brothers, he was a rape survivor. To his actual family, he was a drug fiend. To his chosen family, he was an addict in recovery. After his father's death, Drake could do something as innocent as to sleep in late or be a little quiet and this would get everyone talking. On more than one occasion, he had walked into a room and everyone would suddenly go quiet. He knew they were talking about him. He knew they were discussing what had happened, trying to wrap their heads around how they would deal with it. They didn't need to figure out how to deal with it. Drake did. He only ever needed them to be able to listen without feeling weird or spinning the whole conversation around and forcing Drake to comfort them for their guilt. It wasn't easy. He understood that. Ricardo and Julio used to do this, too, but they listened without taking offense, so when the boy told them what they were doing, they stopped and knowing that Drake didn't hold them responsible actually helped them to forgive themselves.

"Anyway..." Drake cleared his throat.

He couldn't talk about his father around Josh. No one wanted to hear about the abuse he'd suffered through because it was too hard for them. He never would've been able to recover back home. The abuse was part of who he was. It came out everyday in some way, shape or form. Like now, for example. He had ruined a perfectly fine conversation by the mere reference to his dad and maybe Josh felt like he did this on purpose as a tactic of manipulation. Maybe Josh thought his step-brother was that conniving. Drake didn't hold it against him. In fact, this was something he would've done had he still been using drugs. He used to always do this. The thing was that he was a different person now, but how was Josh supposed to know that when Drake's been gone for three years?

"I, um...I got my own library card."

"And it's getting some use?"

"It's getting a lot of use," he said, hoping that this would make his brother proud.

"You mean with books, right? You're not just checking out DVDs?"

Their library has a DVD section and sometimes, when they were younger and Audrey forced Drake to take his little sister to the library, he would browse through the movies while Megan got some books.

"No, actual books. Like..." He tried to think of one Josh would recognize, which knocked out a lot of the drug novels. "Oh, I read The Catcher In The Rye with Mrs. Hayfer."

"Yeah? I loved that one."

"I did, too. She explained some things to me and made it really easy for me to understand what certain things mean and stuff."

Josh nodded with something that could've been pride, but they weren't quite there yet. Drake wanted that. He wanted his brother to be proud of him no matter how desperate it made him look.

"See, I'll show you." He pulled out his phone and opened his Goodreads app. He clicked to open the shelf containing the books he's already read and crossed the alley, where his brother stood next to the door.

Josh took the phone and scrolled through some of the titles. He didn't recognize too many, but he did know of the Divergent series, the Harry Potter series and The Perks Of Being A Wallflower.

"And I just got the card back in February, so I've read all that in five months."

"Wow, that's really good," he said. "Some of these are really long." When he finished the list, he passed the phone back, then met his eyes. "That's really good."

He hated himself for being so pathetic. He couldn't say anything that would erase all the bad things he's done. Josh didn't care how many books he read or whether or not he was performing in a musical. Drake still fucked Mindy. Three times, he fucked her. The fact that his step-brother had hugged him when he saw him rather than hit him said a lot. Josh was a much better person than him — a better person than he could ever be. Plus, there was more than the shit with Mindy. Drake had put his family — Josh included — through a lot due to his nasty addiction. Still, Josh was willing to talk to him. Sure, he was judging quite a bit and he showed little sympathy, but he had every right to respond with his real feelings. Drake didn't deserve his kindness.

"So..." Drake walked back over to his side of the alley because his brother was clearly bothered by his cigarette smoke. He had so many questions, but it was hard to pick which one to start with. "How's the baby?"

"The baby? You mean your baby?"

The young man lowered his eyes with shame.

"Well, she's not a baby anymore."

"Right," the deadbeat dad said guiltily. "What's she like?"

"Do you care?"

He stayed quiet. Of course he cared. Otherwise, he wouldn't have asked. Josh's question made sense, though. If he cared, wouldn't he have been there for his own kid?

Since Drake clearly had nothing to say to that, Josh said, "If you wanna know what kinda stuff your daughter's into, you're gonna have to ask her yourself."

"You're right," the young man said, glancing up at him. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. In fact, I'm glad to see you haven't completely forgotten about her."

"I've never forgotten," Drake protested.

"Well, you sure fooled me."

He went quiet again. He was hurt, but he knew he didn't have the right to be. Not once has he tried reaching out to see how his daughter was or offer any kind of assistance. "I guess I deserve that," he said sadly.

"Amongst other things, yeah."

"Look, I know I fucked up. I know I'm an asshole. I just... Things would've been so much worse if I was trying to take care of a baby while I was using."

"You could've quit."

"It's not that easy."

"That's a shame."

Drake's eyes were beginning to fill with tears again, so he hung his head. "I know," he almost whispered. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

---

Dee giggled dumbly as he entered the Santos house. Ricardo was wasted as well, but he was trying to pretend he wasn't for his brother's sake. However, everyone could see him stumbling around. He was the one who had made the rule about not coming home drunk, yet he was the first one to break it.

"Thank you, guys, for coming to my birthday," Dee said. "I had a lot of fun."

"We did, too," Drake said.

He and Josh spent roughly thirty minutes catching up before heading back inside. Drake hadn't wanted to make the night about himself, so he made sure to get in there and celebrate. Like promised, he stuck close to Julio and even tried to get him to dance a couple times. Too caught up trying to protect his masculinity, the boy refused, but he still had a good time. He watched Drake dance with other guys for a while and that gave him a good laugh. Drake literally gave no fucks how he looked letting gay guys hang off of him. Julio fully supported his brother's sexuality, but did that mean he had to be comfortable with letting other males grind all over him, too? He knew he had a lot to learn, but couldn't he support Ricardo and not want to dance with other men at the same time? He hadn't been the only one acting shy. Josh, too, kept his distance when a guy would come up to him. He and Julio talked a bit, but not too much because Julio caught Drake watching them at one point with what looked like jealousy or sadness or both. Now that they were home, he could ask him about it.

"I guess we're gonna call it a night," Ricardo said. "I've gotta get this fool in bed before he passes out."

"Here."

The man turned and Drake tossed a bottle of Advil. Obviously, he didn't catch it.

"Sorry, that was stupid of me." Drake picked it up so he wouldn't attempt it and fall over, then he also gave him the water bottle in his hand.

"Thanks."

They all said goodnight, then the two oldest ascended the stairs, leaving the two youngest alone in the foyer. Julio sneaked a peek at Drake, who's fake party smile immediately faded. He knew it had been an act. Drake could never be happy watching people getting fucked up without him.

"What's up?" Julio asked.

"I'm just tired." He went into the kitchen and grabbed a water.

Julio got one, too, then followed him into the living room, where he saw him plop down onto the couch with exhaustion.

"My feet hurt," Drake complained.

"Probably all that jumping around you did."

"I really should have took some of that Advil before I gave it to Ricky."

"Want me to get some for you?"

"No. Who knows what they're doing up there?"

Julio chuckled. "I think there's Tylenol in my room somewhere. I'll have to find it."

"That's okay. I'll probably just sleep it off."

"You're still dropping me off at Mrs. Hayfer's to cut grass tomorrow, right?"

"You know I really don't mind doing it," Drake said. "You don't owe me anything. You've done enough for me."

"The DUI shit was my mess. I just don't want you and my brother to have to clean it up while I sit back looking pretty."

"You've cleaned up plenty of my messes."

"Drake...shut the fuck up. Why can't you just let someone do something nice for you without giving them a bunch of resistance? I'm cutting the fucking grass, okay?"

"Okay," the young man said defensively. "Geez."

Drake got paid three hundred last week when Julio cut the grass. One hundred of that was sent to Rhinestone and the other two were given to Gemini. They still owed Gemini another two hundred, then that would take care of the bail money at least.

"So things didn't go well with Josh today?" Julio asked.

"No, they went fine."

His friend just stared at him knowingly.

"I mean, I don't know what I was expecting. I did sleep with the girl he wanted to marry, I did fuck up a lot of shit, and I am a deadbeat dad, so it went alright considering."

Julio had noticed that while Drake was bouncing around with excitement upon first seeing his step-brother, Josh had remained emotionally distanced and lacked compassion for Drake's tears. He'd known then that it wasn't going to be a happy reunion. "What'd he say?"

"He was just asking how things were now, which was totally humiliating because I have no job, I'm not in school, I've done literally nothing since I left home and I'm only a month clean."

"Drake..." Julio rolled his eyes, then sat up straight. "Look, I can get where Josh is coming from because I didn't understand you either, but then I became an alcoholic, so believe me when I tell you that one month clean is insanely awesome."

The boy looked downwards shyly. "Thanks." He sighed. "I guess I just felt bad about myself because his life is totally different now and mine hasn't really changed."

"It has changed. Sure, you still struggle with cravings, but — I don't know if you remember what you used to be like, but you have grown so much. You used to lie and steal without remorse. Now you're not a thief and you at least feel guilty if you don't tell the truth. You've had some setbacks lately, but that's okay. You're still learning and you're still trying."

Drake was starting to feel better. "I wish I could redo this night. I was so pathetic. Like, desperately seeking his approval and he knew it. Like, I showed him my list of books I've read. So stupid. I'm so embarrassed."

Julio couldn't help but laugh at this. "Well, it is a pretty impressive list."

"That's what I thought. I talked about my library card and everything and he was just unimpressed. Like, hello? Can't you see I'm trying to buy your love here? Give me something, you know?" Drake was always so proud to show off his library card and this made Julio proud. He was that guy who would go to pay for something and "accidentally" pull out his library card instead of his debit card, then make a whole scene about it. Yes, he actually did this, but more as a joke for Julio than anything else.

"A lot of shit's broken," he replied. "Things aren't gonna be fixed after a half hour conversation. You'll have to prove to him that you've changed and that could take some time. Honestly, he still might not be able to get past some things, but you can't let that get you down. You've got a new family who loves you unconditionally and we're always willing to work on forgiving you."

Drake offered a grateful smile out of the side of his mouth.

"I mean, you put a fucking snake in my bed. If I can forgive you for that... Like, there's literally nothing you could ever do that's worse than that."

This made the young man laugh. "Thanks. This talk really helped."

"Good."

"Enough about me, though. What about you? How are you doing?"

"Well...it was pretty rough honestly. I wanted to be there for Dee and I'm glad I went, but I probably won't be doing that again anytime soon."

"Is there anything I can do to help? We can build a blanket fort and cry together."

Julio laughed. "As appealing as that sounds, I think I'll pass." He said, "No, it's pretty late, so I think I'll take some NyQuil to fall asleep and then tomorrow I'll do the lawn work for Mrs. Hayfer and her neighbors and then I'll catch a meeting if you don't mind taking me."

"No, of course not. Seriously, dude, I can take care of the grass if you wanna go to a morning meeting. I can drop you off and get started on everything and then pick you up and you can take over if you want."

"I'll see how I feel tomorrow," Julio promised. "If it's not any better, I might take you up on that."

"Please do. Don't try to push through and get the grass shit done and risk making things worse. You gotta take care of you. Think of your mental health. I don't give a fuck about the grass-cutting. I give a fuck about you."

"Thanks."

"You want me to stay with you tonight?"

"I finally go to a gay nightclub with you and you think I'm just gonna let you crawl into my bed that easy?"

Drake chuckled and shook his head. "Shut the fuck up."

"I see what you're doing. You got a taste of that Santos dick and now you're craving more, but I am not the one."

The young man tossed a pillow at him as he stood. "I'm fucking done with your stupid ass. I'm going to bed."

"Have sweet dreams about me."

Drake flipped him off, then headed upstairs.

---

"Drake?"

Despite the softness of Julio's voice, this woke him. He opened his eyes and turned over to see his friend standing just inside the door.

"Why are you in here?" Julio asked.

He was in Ricardo's bed because he found the couple passed out in his bed when he went upstairs. He didn't mind it. He had a full-sized mattress while Ricky owned a king, so he got to stretch out. This was good because he spent a lot of time tossing and turning for some reason.

"Those dumbasses fell asleep in the wrong room." He sat up when Julio closed the door and crossed the room, then he scooted over so that his friend could sit down next to him and slip under the covers. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was just before four, which meant that less than two hours had passed since they'd gotten home. "Are you okay?" he asked with concern.

"I couldn't sleep," the boy said. "I'm really struggling."

Drake wore an empathetic frown. He moved closer again and wrapped his arms around his friend. "I'm sorry." He allowed Julio to rest his head on his shoulder. "You wanna talk about it?"

"I just keep thinking about, like, I could've just had one drink, you know? It would've been fine, but deep down, I know that one would lead to ten or probably more and I know it would've been bad, but it just sucks. I didn't wanna do this tonight because it's Dee's birthday and Ricardo didn't even want me to come in the first place, but I assured him that I'd be fine, but I'm not. I just wanna drink and seeing them like that made everything worse and I know he'll feel so bad about it tomorrow because he didn't even wanna drink. I told him to. I told him it would be okay and it was at first. I mean, I wanted to drink, too, but it was controllable. I did have fun and you made me laugh a lot, but then we got home and everyone went to bed and everything got quieter and my thoughts got louder and I took some NyQuil and I'm so fucking tired, but I can't sleep because my brain is stuck thinking about drinking again. I keep trying to tell myself that I can control it. I can just drink a little, but I get so fucking violent when I'm drunk and I don't wanna hit you anymore, so I keep telling myself that. I keep trying to remind myself of all the reasons I quit and I guess it makes it harder for me to give in, but the option is still there."

Drake felt really bad for him when he heard him sniffle. He knew what cravings were like. He knew how intense they could be. He hated that his best friend had to go through it.

"I just keep thinking about how you did it," Julio said. "How you got clean. No one understood you. No one had any idea what you were going through, but everyone judged you when you slipped up. I didn't always show it, but I always got so angry anytime you relapsed. You were by yourself the entire time and I've had constant support from you and my brother and it's still fucking hard for me. It does help to know that at least someone understands and has been where I am and has felt what I feel. Sometimes, that's the only thing that keeps me sober and then I feel bad because you never had that. You always look down on yourself, like today when you were telling me about your conversation with Josh and it's all bullshit. You're one of the strongest people I know and you don't even believe that. You don't understand how fucking proud of yourself you should be. You did it all on your own and you had to put up with a lot of judgement, but you still did it."

"But I was never alone," Drake said. "You may not have understood and you may have gotten frustrated, but you still tried your best to help and you did help." He rubbed circles into his friend's back, his heart hurting for Julio. "I don't want you to sit here and think about that shit because I'm fine. Let's work on your shit right now, okay?"

"It just feels like it's never gonna end."

"I know," the boy said. "I know how you feel, but I promise the craving will end and then it won't be so hard to say no. You just have to get through this craving."

"How?"

He thought for a moment before offering, "We'll go for a walk."

"That helps?"

"I honestly don't know. I Googled it the other day and that's one thing it recommended."

"What if it doesn't work?"

"Then we'll try something else." Drake stood. "Come on. I need to go to the store anyways."

"I'm wearing pajamas."

"So am I. No one'll give a shit."

Julio stood. "You don't have money."

"Your brother left his wallet downstairs. I'll tell him I took some of my money tomorrow and I'll make sure to save the receipt. You can vouch for me."

"You're not gonna buy anything you shouldn't, are you?"

"No, no," the boy assured. "No, not at all. I'm gonna get something to fuck Ricky up. You got him back after the water gun thing, but I haven't yet."

Julio laughed and wiped the wetness away from his eyes. "I wake you up at four a.m. and your first thought is week-old revenge?"

"I just haven't had the opportunity since I have to okay it with him when I wanna buy something."

"What are you gonna get?"

Drake smirked mischievously. "You'll see."

---

It took a while to walk to the store, get the supplies needed, then walk back home and having his mind on a task did actually help ease Julio's cravings. When they got home, both fell asleep in Ricardo's bed and woke up at ten-thirty, which is when Drake had set the alarm for because he knew Ricky and Dee would sleep in late due to all the dancing and the drinking. Julio popped up immediately and seemed even more excited than the one who had done all the plotting. Like expected, when he and Drake tip-toed into the bedroom, they were both snoring away.

The plan was to carefully put hair removal strips all over Ricardo's legs so that he'd be forced to peel them off. Once Drake clued his friend in on the idea, Julio had told him that he was evil, but he entered the bedroom right behind the boy and helped him execute it. As a last minute decision, they decided to only do one of Ricardo's legs and to also do one of Dee's because Dee had been apart of the water gun prank as well.

They were honestly surprised that both men had stayed asleep while they did this and Drake started to think that maybe they wouldn't wake up at all despite the pain. That's what happened in that one episode of SpongeBob when SpongeBob and Patrick did this very same thing to a sleeping Sandy. That's where he'd gotten the idea from actually. Drake hooked his stereo up to Bluetooth and chose a song that started loud and hard. He nodded at Julio, who then covered his own ears, then he started the music. It was so loud that it gave Drake a start despite him already knowing that it was going to happen.

The sleeping couple both awoke immediately. Dee was confused and alert as if expecting danger. Ricardo was mad as hell. He started yelling — probably swearing, no doubt — so Drake turned the music off.

"What the fuck?!"

Julio ignored any confusion he had and went straight to the one question he'd been most curious about. "Bruh, how the fuck did you end up in the wrong room?" He was laughing and it made his brother even madder.

Dee clutched his pounding head, obviously hungover and feeling unwell and exhausted. "Mmm, what the hell?" It was unclear whether this was in response to Julio's question or their rude awakening.

"What the fuck is this on my leg?!" Ricky asked with irritation.

"Oh, oops, my fault," Drake said. "Lemme get that for you." He lifted a corner and snatched the sticky strip away in a flash.

"Aahh! Hijo de puta! What the fuck?!" He looked like he had to physically restrain himself from wringing the boy's neck right there.

"Jesus, look at all that hair," Julio said as he looked at the strip.

"No you fucking didn't." Ricardo was fuming.

Dee winced as he tried to slowly peel away one of the adhesives on his own leg, but he had to stop. However, Julio gripped that one and ripped it off.

"Fuck!" the tired man yelped.

"What the hell?!" Ricardo yelled, defending his boyfriend.

"We would've left him out of it," Julio said, "but the second he soaked us with water guns, he joined the war. Welcome to the family, Dee." His warm welcoming was tearing away another strip and his partner in crime followed this up by tugging one off of Ricardo's leg.

"GRRR!" the man growled. He saw his friend going for another one. "Touch me again," he challenged. "I fucking dare you."

Drake knew when to back off and now was that time. He was still laughing. Ricky examined his leg and saw five more waxing strips. He'd have to go through that pain five more times. He looked over at his boyfriend just as he slowly lifted the corner on another one. He only had two left. They went easy on him.

"You know we're gonna get you back for this," Ricardo threatened.

"Bring it on," his little bro taunted.

The man tried to do Dee's strategy and remove it slowly, but it was even worse. However, he couldn't work up the nerve to snatch it away himself. "Get it off."

"You want me to do it?" Drake asked.

"Yes, just do it fast."

The boy stepped forwards and gripped a corner. "On three. One-" Without waiting any longer, he tore the strip off, ripping long hairs right out of Ricky's leg.

"Gaahh! You said 'on three', asshole!"

Drake immediately tore another one off before he could recuperate.

"Stop! Stop!"

The younger boys were laughing as the homeowner cursed up a storm in Spanish.

"I swear to God I'm gonna kill you both," the man threatened.

"It was Drake's idea," Julio snitched.

"Hey!" The boy who had been thrown under the bus dropped his jaw with astonishment.

"Well, it was." His friend shrugged.

"Drake, you're so fucking dead," Ricardo said.

It was worth it. Drake was enjoying every moment of this. Dee got through his current one slowly, then he decided to get the last one over with, so he yanked it off, then massaged his inconsistently smooth leg. Despite his anger, Ricky still let his friend rip his away. He groaned and growled and screamed through clenched teeth, which had Julio on the ground and Drake hunched over, clutching his ribs with laughter. The last one was on his inner thigh, just below his boxer briefs. He'd saved this for last for obvious reasons.

"Oh, you just fucking wait until I get you back," Ricardo was mumbling angrily as Drake clenched the corner of the last strip. "You're gonna regret this."

"You ready?"

"Yeah." He braced himself for the inevitable pain that was to come. This one was the most painful of all and what made it worse was that the young man lost his grip on it halfway through.

"Shit. Oops."

Julio squealed with laughter and even Dee had a chuckle. The man was fuming. Drake got the last piece off and Ricardo rubbed his hairless leg for a moment.

Dee could see his boyfriend's face go red and his fists clench with fury. "Yeah, I'd start running now if I were you."

Drake bolted so fast that he was gone in the blink of an eye. He was the first out the door and his accomplice was right behind him. They ran down the stairs and out the front door, then hopped into Julio's car and backed out of the driveway, still dying with laughter.

---

Drake saw movement out of his peripheral vision and looked up to see Mrs. Hayfer's car pulling into the driveway. She popped the trunk, then she and Julio got out and started getting out the groceries. Drake turned off the lawn mower and wiped the sweat off of his face with the bottom of his t-shirt, then he crossed the street. The two were already inside, so he checked the trunk and grabbed the last few bags, then shut it and went inside the house.

"Thank you, Drake," Alice said when she saw him.

"Could I get some water, please?"

"Of course." She grabbed a glass and started filling it using the refrigerator filter.

The young man was breathing hard as he looked over at his friend. "How'd your meeting go?"

Mrs. Hayfer had offered to take Julio to AA because she had to go shopping, then she swung by and picked him up on her way home.

"It was good," Julio said. "I'm feeling a lot better today than I did last night."

"That's great."

Drake was trying to hide it, but he was clearly already exhausted. Both boys were. They hadn't slept much having to deal with Julio's craving, but it was worth it because the addict felt like things would be alright again.

"I'll take over so you can rest." Julio headed outside.

"Here you go." Alice handed Drake the glass.

"Thanks." He gulped down the chilled water and it started to cool him.

"If you ever need water or anything while I'm gone, you can come inside and get it. I left the door unlocked for you. You have to make sure you stay hydrated being out there in that hot sun." She pulled out a chair for him at the table and he sat down.

"Thanks."

"I'll make you some lunch. Turkey sandwiches okay?"

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you." He drank some more of his water and caught his breath. A minute later, he could hear the faint sound of the lawn mower going again.

As he waited for his meal, his eyes moved around the room. Mrs. Hayfer's kitchen had a very homey feel. The cabinets and table were a light oak brown and the short curtain that was tied back to reveal the window above the sink was a soft blue and white checkered pattern. On the sill, she had a timer shaped like a plump red apple — the most basic gift for a teacher. On the wall next to the door, he spotted a calendar that was flipped to the July page.

"Less than a week before school starts back," he said.

"I know. This summer went by too fast."

"I never thought about it, but it must be really cool to get two months off work."

"Well, I still have to do planning for the next year, but I definitely get to relax and sleep in much more."

"Teaching seems like it could be fun," Drake said. "But like, just the elementary grades. Older kids are pricks."

"Not all of them were like you, Drake," she joked and it made her smile when she heard him chuckle.

"Ouch. Roasted." However, she wasn't wrong. "I wasn't the worst, though. What was that one girl's name from my class? I remember you telling her to get her feet off her desk and she just sat back and crossed her arms and put her feet on the guy's desk next to her."

"Yolanda Ranger," Alice recalled. "Oh, she really got my blood boiling that day."

"I mean, I never listened to you either, but the disrespect... I was shook."

"And if my memory serves me, you started dating her after that."

This friendship was new and he wasn't her student anymore. He was an adult who had probably experienced a lot more shit than most people his age and Alice knew more about him than what was normal for a teacher/student relationship. Because of their strange shared experiences, they didn't quite have any set boundaries and they were still figuring things out as they went, so that's why Drake spoke freely as if he were talking to Julio or Ricardo.

"I thought her rebellious ways meant she put out. She didn't."

Mrs. Hayfer couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Or maybe she just didn't wanna do it with you."

The young man furrowed his brows. "Have you seen me?" Everyone wanted to be with him in high school; he wasn't just being conceited. Now he was much more self-conscious about his appearance due to all the ugly scarring, but when he was in school, he had girls clinging to him and talking to him all day, so he knew he was hot back then.

"Yes, I have. More of you than I'd have liked," she said. "You want cheese and mayonnaise, too?"

"Yes, please." Drake stood and refilled his glass at the refrigerator. "So when you became a teacher, you always wanted to teach high school kids?"

"No, actually. I started out teaching little children, but they're so rowdy and hyper. I only did that for three years, then I switched."

"You switch a lot?"

"No, just twice. That time and then the time I changed from eleventh grade math to twelfth grade math."

"That's it?" Drake asked. "So in all your years of teaching, I just so happened to be in your class the one time you changed grades?"

"If you're asking if you were fortunate enough to have me for both eleventh and twelfth grade even though I hadn't switched grades in over thirty years, then yes."

"Wow, how lucky of me."

Alice put his sandwiches on a plate, then handed it to him while he was up.

"Thank you."

"There're some chips in the pantry right there if you want some." She then got started putting away the groceries.

Drake set his glass and plate down, then opened the pantry door. There was a large party mix bag that had a few different types of Lay's chips. He chose a blue bag of salt and vinegar and took his seat at the table.

"One thing that's different when you're a teacher," Alice said, "is that you only get paid once a month, so you have to learn how to budget."

"Seriously? You must have good impulse control. When I'm at the store, I'll buy the randomest shit — excuse me. I mean stuff, and it's stuff I don't even need."

"I used to be that way," she said, "then I'd end up in a bind and have no money left and two weeks before I got paid again. It was a hard habit to break, but when I was young, I was used to getting paid minimum wage bi-weekly from my diner job, then I became a teacher and got a higher salary and it all came once a month and I felt rich. I'd blow my money on new clothes and I don't even know what else, then I'd be too broke to pay my cell phone bill at the end of the month."

"I guess it forces you to learn how to budget, which is a good thing," said Drake. "I think being a teacher would be fun, but like, the elementary age because then you can go to the zoo and the aquarium and all the cool places and you can paint leprechaun footprints on their desks while they're in P.E. on St. Patrick's Day and they'll come back all excited to see if they caught a leprechaun in the trap they made and you can have them make solar system projects and talk about outer space. I don't even remember getting to do anything involving outer space since, like...sixth grade or something. That was the best thing to learn about."

"Well, maybe that's something you can work towards — becoming a teacher."

"What, me? No. No way. I'm a hot mess."

"You stay on the path you're currently on and I think you'd do just fine," she said. After she finished the groceries, she picked up the sandwich she had made for herself and took a seat at the table.

"Speaking of careers," Drake said, "Josh works for the DEA."

"Wow, really? That's unexpected. How do you know?"

"I ran into him last night. We went to a club for Dee's birthday and Dee invited him. Apparently, they're friends and he's known him for a while because he's Josh's personal trainer."

"What are the odds? Did it go well?"

"It was alright, I guess," Drake said. "I know I can't expect him to be my best friend again. I did a lot of hurtful things, so I'm thankful that he even spoke to me. He was kinda judgmental and bitter, but he has every right to be. I was really upset about it yesterday, but Julio talked to me and reminded me that it would take Josh time before he could tell that I've really changed. Maybe one day he can forgive me."

"I don't think it'll take long for him to see that you've changed." She said this like she was speaking from experience. Alice used to hate Drake, too, but now she was so happy to have him in her life.

"He was really surprised to hear that me and you are friends."

Those words made her feel good inside. In front of her was a young man who had been through a lot — some of those things due to her negligence. He went from being an abuse victim to becoming an addict to attempting suicide to working on recovery to understanding that he was a survivor. Drake was a fighter and Mrs. Hayfer found that the time she spent with him over the summer was rewarding. It was hard for her to connect with her students these days and she sometimes felt that her hard work was in vein, but Drake had inadvertently proved her wrong. Now she was heading back into the new school year ready to make a difference in these kids' lives.

"He's still mad," the young man said, "about the science fair. Something about you not liking the font."

She burst into sudden laughter. "Oh my god! I only took off a couple points. It didn't even affect his overall score. There were four other judges and they all gave him perfect scores."

"Geez. I guess if he's still pissed at that, it's gonna be a really long time before he gets over what I did."

"He'll come around," Mrs. Hayfer said and she offer him an assuring smile.

---

Drake's eyes shot open when he felt a heavy weight on top of him. For a moment, he thought the last three and a half years had been one crazy Charlie trip and he was finally waking up to find himself back at his dad's. It didn't take him long to realize this wasn't true when he saw Julio laughing as he stood at the entrance to Mrs. Hayfer's living room. Drake then recognized that it was Ricardo laying on him. He groaned.

"Get off," he said tiredly. Since he was laying on his stomach, his face was being pressed against the couch, resulting in his voice being muffled slightly.

"You have a good nap?" Ricardo asked.

"You're squishing me," he complained.

"Dee and I fucked in your bed."

"Get off!" Drake couldn't move under his weight. He was always quick to get annoyed when Ricardo messed with him like this because it just reminded him how weak and puny he was.

"Make me."

The young man wiggled and squirmed, but he made no progress. "I can't breathe."

"If you couldn't breathe, you wouldn't be able to talk."

"You're hurting my ribs, asshole!"

Finally, Ricardo stood, but not before messing up his hair. Drake sat up with a wince and clutched his side. He was still sore from the beating those jerks had given him behind Flux.

"Fuck," he cursed quietly. "Ricky, you're such a fucking prick."

"Someone's grumpy," the man said to his brother, then he sat down next to him and wrapped an arm across his shoulder. He pulled his friend against him in a sort of half hug, which only irritated him further. "If it makes you feel better, we didn't really have sex in your bed. I was just fucking with you."

Drake shoved his hand away, then leaned forwards and rubbed the sleepiness from his eyes.

"Mrs. Hayfer said to tell you dinner's ready," Julio said.

"Come on. Let's go eat." Ricardo patted his knee as he stood, then left the living room.

After he was gone, Julio said, "I thought for sure you would tell him about you and Dahlia hooking up in his bed."

Drake tossed a pillow at him. "Shut up!" he hissed.

He left him alone so that he could get woken up without anyone bothering him, then he caught up to his brother. "He's annoyed as hell."

"Is he just tired from working or...?" the man whispered. "Or is something up with him?"

"He didn't really sleep much last night. I was having a hard time and he stayed up with me and talked me through it."

"Shit, I'm sorry. I knew going out drinking was a bad idea."

"No, it's okay. I wanted you two to have fun, you know? It was Dee's birthday. You deserve to celebrate."

"How are you feeling now?"

"I'm better," he said sincerely. "We went for a walk and talked and he really distracted me from myself. I went to a meeting this morning and he said he'd take me tonight after dinner."

"That's good." Ricardo gave his shoulder a prideful squeeze before entering the kitchen, where Mrs. Hayfer was setting the bowl of mashed potatoes down onto the table. "He's coming. It might take him a second."

"I didn't expect him to be out so long, but I let him sleep," she said.

"We were out late last night for Dee's birthday."

"Ah, did you enjoy yourselves?"

"Yes, ma'am, we did. Drake could've slept in like me and Dee, but these two decided to wake up early and stick hair removal strips all up our legs.

Mrs. Hayfer raised her eyebrows. "No!"

"They did. It was the worst 'good morning' ever."

She noticed Julio smirking and scolded him, though not seriously. "That's awful."

"If you think that's awful, you should've seen what they did to me. I got woken up to find a snake on top of me."

"Like a real snake?!" She was horrified.

"Yes! See?! They think I'm being a wimp," he said. "Snakes are evil. The devil literally was a snake before. I don't wanna be touched by them. I don't want them near me. I don't even wanna see them."

"I hope you got them back," she said, joining in on the fun.

"Well, I tried to get Drake by putting a bucket of spaghetti over the door, but then my brother walked in first and messed the whole thing up," said Julio, "so I had to settle for hitting Drake's groin, which turned out to be funny, too. I'm pretty sure he cried a little bit."

"You boys are rough." Alice was the first to notice her former student enter the kitchen. "There he is. Now we can all eat."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep and take up your living room."

"That's okay. I had a lot of chores around the house to catch up on."

They all sat down. Mrs. Hayfer never drank soda, but she had some in her refrigerator for when the boys would come to dinner. Usually, she stuck to wine, but when Julio was present, she had sweet tea. It had been a while since the four of them were able to sit down and share a meal together. Ricardo was busy with work a lot and Julio had never wanted to be around Drake and preferred getting black-out drunk instead. There was a lot of conversations to be had and a lot of catching up to do.

---

Drake lifted his eyes off of his book when his door opened and he saw Ricardo.

"Hey."

"You guys literally never knock."

The man ignored him. "Julio and I are gonna go see a movie. You coming?"

"Nah, I'm good."

Because of this response, Ricky knew why he was declining. He was giving Julio alone time with his brother. Otherwise, he would've asked which movie they were going to see because there were a couple of them out that he was excited for, like the new Tarantino film or some outer space flick. It was a sweet gesture for him to let them have a brothers' day and maybe it was necessary after Julio's struggles the other night.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. I'm probably just gonna read today. Kinda been slacking off on that lately."

"Alright, well... You alright?"

"Yeah," he assured casually.

"Okay," Ricardo said. "We'll probably be home late. We might go eat and go to the mall afterwards or something. You sure you don't wanna join?"

"I'm sure."

He felt bad about leaving his friend home with only his two cats as company. "Last chance."

"Ricky, I'm serious. I just wanna stay home. Go have fun."

"Okay. I'll leave my phone on silent so you can still text—"

"I can just call Theo or Mrs. Hayfer if something happens."

The man went quiet for a moment, then said, "Damn, you not needing me anymore really hurts my feelings. I mean, what the fuck am I supposed to do with my life now?"

"I know. Now you actually have time to go out and do fun shit."

"Tragic." He smiled, then they were quiet for a couple moments.

"Okay, well, bye."

Ricardo scoffed. "You know what? Just for that..." He left the boy alone and headed downstairs, but he also left his door wide open.

Drake groaned as he stood and closed his door, disrupting his cats' slumber. He sat back in his place, but before he could start reading again, his phone dinged. He reached over and picked it up.

Clementine Martin: ignoring me is just gonna piss me off more. Idk why u cant respond to a bloody text

The young man sighed, but he knew he couldn't talk to her. If he keeps ignoring her, she'll eventually give up on him, right? He put his phone back down and lifted his book once again.

---

"So how's the move?" Drake asked as he grabbed a slice of the hot and cheesy pizza Brett and Samantha had brought with them.

"We're still getting things unpacked, but it's nice," the girl said. "We're finally on our own. It's our first house, so we're just really excited."

"That's a huge accomplishment." He was sitting sideways on the couch while Sam sat next to him and her boyfriend ate in Ricardo's recliner. After he took a bite of the pizza, he said, "Mmm, this is so good. I'm starving."

"We thought you might've had lunch already," she said.

"No, Ricky forgot to leave my money and I've been too lazy to actually make anything." He took another bite, then picked up the can of Sprite and popped the tab.

"So what's new with you?" Brett asked.

"Not much, really. Just been doing rehearsals and hanging around on my off days. Nothing too exciting."

"What happened to your face?"

"Oh, yeah. Oh my god." He swallowed down the food in his mouth, then said, "Clem paid these guys to jump me."

Samantha's jaw dropped. "Oh my god! That's horrible!"

"Yeah, and she's still fucking texting me everyday asking why I'm ignoring her," Drake said.

"I never knew she was like this," the girl said. "I'm just so glad to be out of there and away from her. She always seemed so normal before you two got together, then...I don't know. She's fucking psycho."

"Ricky thinks if I just keep ignoring her, then she'll eventually give up."

"Yeah, I definitely wouldn't talk to her," said Brett. "She was trying to give us the hardest time for moving out. She was constantly hovering over me and bitching right in my ear. I couldn't even talk because I knew I would snap."

They all knew that Dahlia was acting frickin' nuts, but despite everything, Drake still loved her. Samantha could tell that the way they spoke about her was hurting his feelings, so she changed the subject.

"But anyway," she said, "I've been meaning to ask how your gig went."

"Oh, it was so good." This made him smile. "The crowd was into it and I got into it without having to be high and it was just nice being back up on stage playing music again. Julio said the owner texted him and wanted us to come back and do regular performances like we used to. He said he'd even let us have Saturdays, which is the busiest night."

"That's awesome," said Brett.

"We wanted to come," his girlfriend said, "but we already had those dinner plans with my parents."

"That's okay. Julio and I will let you know if we do it again," said Drake.

"If? You're not sure you want to?"

"We want to, but we just don't have a lot of time to practice. Maybe we can do a gig here and there, but it might be a while before we can do something regularly." Drake went in for his second slice of pizza. "You guys always got the good pizza. Ricky and Julio buy that cheap shit." He took a bite. "So how's work?"

---

"He might be sleeping," Julio said quietly as he entered his home. "All the lights are off. I can't see shit."

"He never locks the door," his older brother complained under his breath.

"Make sure the cats don't run out."

"I don't see 'em." He closed the door behind himself, then moments later, one of them flipped the foyer light switch.

"Shit!" a startled Julio exclaimed. "You're just sitting in the dark like that?"

Drake was on the couch with his kittens in his lap. He'd had no lights and no tv on. He'd just been sitting in the silence and darkness and that comforted him.

"You alright?" Ricky asked.

"Yeah."

"We brought food. We ate at Chili's."

He was hungry, so he stood and took the to-go box, expressing his gratitude.

"It's those honey chipotle tenders you like."

"Why are you sitting in the dark?" Julio couldn't get over this as he followed his friend into the kitchen. He had to turn on the light because Drake didn't bother to even though he needed to search for a fork and pour himself something to drink.

"Just relaxing while I had time by myself," he said.

There was something always going on, it seemed, in the Santos house. If it wasn't some huge catastrophe, then it was the current prank war or horse-playing or loud music. Drake needed a break from all the noise every once in a while. That's what Charlie used to help with, but he couldn't resort to that anymore.

"You guys have fun?" Drake sat down on one of the bar-stools and opened his to-go box. He immediately stabbed at one of the fingers and ravenously took a bite.

"Yeah, we did," Julio said. "I got another Drakation."

"Did he just say Drakation?" Ricardo asked.

Julio had come up with this term when his friend had stayed with Gemini for a week after things had gotten tense between him and Ricardo. "Yep. My vacation from Drake. My Drakation."

His big bro gave him props. "That's pretty good. I'm gonna start using that."

Drake rolled his eyes. "Douchebags," he mumbled under his breath, then he immediately received a slap on the back of his head by the homeowner. "Ah!" he hissed.

"Hush. I brought you food, didn't I?" Ricardo emptied his pockets and set everything on the island, then he moved towards the laundry room, unbuckling his belt along the way. He removed his jeans and grabbed his pajama pants, then Julio started laughing.

"Check out that sparkly leg," he teased as he nudged Drake's elbow. "It's so smooth that the light bounces off of it and hurts my eyes."

His friend laughed with him. Once Ricky got his pants up, he stomped towards his brother threateningly. Julio dashed into the foyer and up the stairs. Ricardo's tough guy act faded when the boy was gone.

"I'm gonna get you back for this."

Drake sounded unbothered. "Wait 'til I'm done eating." He took another bite. He'd left the juice out, so Ricardo picked it up and poured himself a glass, then took a seat in one of the stools.

"What'd you do today?"

"Nothing really. Mostly read. Sam and Brett came over with pizza and we hung out. They left about an hour ago."

"They move into the new house yet?"

"Yeah."

The man drank some of his drink and silence filled the room. Drake seemed awfully quiet to him and his answers were short other than when Ricky'd asked what he'd done today. Not giving him details would've been suspicious although it wasn't a rule. Still, it was a courtesy.

"You sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine," he said.

He watched his friend with squinted eyes for a moment, then said, "You're quiet."

Drake shrugged.

"Come on. Spill. Julio's taken all of my Drake cry-sessions. What's going on with you?"

"It's really nothing," the young man said. "I've just been thinking, but it's not a big thing and it's not really something to cry about."

"What is it?"

Drake swallowed some of the apple juice so he wouldn't have to answer right away. It wasn't a big secret or anything, but he wasn't sure how the Santos brothers would react. "Ever since the other night...when I saw Josh..."

Ricardo understood immediately. "It got you thinking about home."

He gave a small nod.

"Which side of the fence are you on right now?"

"I don't know. I wanna go back. I wanna see my mom and my sister. Josh said my mom's not mad, but I don't know. I just keep trying to picture how things would go down. I just feel like she's gonna yell at me the second she sees me. I know I totally fucking deserve it." He went quiet for a moment before speaking again, softer this time. "I don't know. I don't think I could handle being rejected twice, you know? Maybe it's just best to leave things how they are."

"You really think your mom would do that?"

"I don't know," Drake said. "I never expected them to put me out on the streets in the first place, but they've done it, like, three times."

"You think that was your mom's choice, though? You don't think Mr. Nichols was behind that?"

"You think I should go back."

"I'm not saying that," Ricardo denied. "I'm just trying to talk this over with you — come up with some pros and cons. Maybe she did want you out. You know her more than I do. I just know she fought really hard trying to see you when you were both in the hospital."

"So...worst case scenario..."

His friend stayed quiet and just listened.

"Josh was wrong. She hates me and she never wants to see me again, then I come back feeling like shit. If that happens...then that's it. I've single-handedly turned both of my parents against me. I've lost both of them. Well, I've already lost both of them, but this would make it permanent."

"Best case scenario?"

"Best case scenario...she doesn't hate me," Drake said. "I don't even need her to love me. I just don't want her to hate me. I just hope that I'll be given the chance to say..." What could be say? He could apologize to her over and over again for the rest of his life and it would never be enough. "...to tell her how sorry I am." His voice cracked. Drake stopped talking and Ricardo remained silent as well, giving him time to gather his composure. Half a minute passed before the younger boy spoke again. "I guess this is gonna be a Drake cry-fest."

"That's okay," his friend assured.

However, Drake was able to cease his tears before they started. "If she's willing to even talk to me, then I have to figure out how to deal with that. If she grills me like Josh did...or even harder..."

"Maybe — and I mean, this is just a suggestion. But if you're gonna attempt to rebuild that relationship, maybe consider the whole, complete truth. What's a relationship if you've rebuilt it with a stack of lies?" he asked, giving the boy something to mull over. "Again, that's just an idea. I don't want to sound like I'm pushing you any kinda way."

"I know. You're not," he said. "So what's after that?"

"Let's say...she's totally accepting of you. What does that mean for you?"

"Well...then there's Megan, so there's a chance that she might not forgive me."

"That is a possibility, but does that mean you should give up? I mean, Mrs. Hayfer hated you for a long time, right? Now you got her cooking five-star meals for you every other weekend." It was a small joke to lighten the mood, but his roommate was too focused on his potential future.

"If...somehow...they're both willing to give me another chance to prove myself...that's just the beginning. There's the possibility of Mindy still living there. There's a kid to think about. Am I allowed to show up and suddenly be a dad? Do I even want that? Am I allowed to show up and not take any responsibility? Maybe there's another guy in the mix who's playing daddy. What if this kid doesn't even like me? I fucking abandoned her. She's three years old and she's never met me. I don't even know her name. I don't even know my own daughter's name."

Ricardo kindly offered, "Would you like me to tell you?" He said it without judgement.

Drake was beginning to feel anxious and panicky. "No." Hearing it would only make it more real.

It was hard to fathom the idea that he had a kid when he'd been absent during her entire life and the pregnancy. He was just as bad as his own father, yet Martin stayed. When his mom and Walter kicked him out that first time, his dad welcomed him. When Drake ran away and almost died of pneumonia, his dad welcomed him. When everyone else wrote him off because of his addiction, his dad welcomed him. He may not have been the nicest person, but at least he was there.

"Are you on the verge of a panic attack?" Ricardo asked calmly.

"I don't know." His nerves were definitely shot, but he wasn't sure if he was just normal nervous or anxiety-attack nervous.

"Let's take a break. Let's focus on something else."

"I think it's okay. I just need to smoke."

Ricardo followed the boy out front and Drake picked up where they left off after taking a few drags.

"And Walter definitely hates me. If he answers the door, he might not even let me see my mom."

"Let's try focusing on the pros now. What's something positive that could come of this?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

Drake was biting his thumbnail in between hits. "Well, maybe my mom and Megan will talk to me again. Maybe they'll give me the chance to tell them I'm clean. Maybe Mom really does love me unconditionally and she lets me be apart of the family again."

The Santos brothers were family. They would always be family and Drake was so, so grateful that they had taken him in, but they weren't his mom and they weren't his sister. They could never replace his real blood relatives.

"So I guess," Ricardo started, "that just leaves you with a decision to make. You can go and get the door slammed in your face, but say you at least tried. You can go and get accepted with open arms. If that happens, are you willing to step up and be a father or are you willing to refuse responsibility and accept the possible judgement? Both are an option. You can say no, but they might not like that."

Drake sighed shakily and a cloud of smoke left his lips. "I just wanna see my mom," he said with vulnerability.

"I know."

"I miss her so fucking much."

Ricardo put a hand on his shoulder for support. "I know you do."

---

(1 week later)

"Have you looked at it?" Drake asked. He was nervous and his friend could hear it in his voice.

"No." Ricardo unlocked his office door and they stepped inside, then he closed it behind him. He went around his desk, then sat down in his computer chair. He paused and turned back to Drake. "You sure?"

The boy took a breath, then let it out slowly. "Yeah."

There was a safe on the wall. Ricky picked another key from his busy key-chain, then stuck it inside the designated hole. He turned it, then opened the safe door. There was cash inside for the most part, but that's not what they were here for. He reached his arm into the back and retrieved a small, folded up napkin. This was the one Meelah's parents had given to Drake — the one Drake had thrown in the trash. It had his mom's current address on it. At the time, he'd thought it best to leave her out of his chaotic life, but he was doing better now and he needed her to know that.

Drake took the napkin when it was handed to him. His heart fluttered with a mixture of fear and excitement. He couldn't begin to explain how happy he was to see his mom again. He just hoped she felt the same way.

Ricardo waited in silence, giving his friend time to either shoo away any last minutes doubts or change his mind. He'd told him plenty of times already that he'd support him no matter what he chose. He really thought it would be great for Drake to reconcile with his mother and sister. However, there was a huge chance that things would go poorly. Drake's grown a lot in the past few months, though, so he hopefully had the strength to move on if this happened. Ricardo prayed it didn't happen. He watched the boy, who wore his emotions all over his face. Drake sighed and seemed to tell himself 'fuck it' before unfolding the napkin. Upon finally seeing the address, his expression went from relief to fear to anger to sadness to confusion.

Finally, Ricardo spoke up. "What is it?"

"This is my dad's address."

The man stood and looked at the napkin with him. "Meelah's parents wouldn't have lied about where she was staying."

"No, I know. I just..." He looked almost hurt as if his mom sleeping where Martin slept was a betrayal. "Why there?"

"It's been three years. Anything could've happened. They could've had problems with the house. Maybe they had money issues."

"But why there?" Drake asked again, now more clearly upset. "Why there specifically?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe your dad had a will and he left the trailer to your mom or maybe your sister."

"I don't wanna go back there."

"You don't have to," Ricardo assured. "There are other ways. We can get her phone number from Josh and you can call her. You can invite her over or meet her at a diner."

However, his friend was hardly listening. "Do you think she's on drugs?"

"What?"

"She was taking Xanax when I left. I disappeared after a bunch of hardcore dealers almost killed us all and she's probably spent years wondering if I was dead or living on the streets or something. It could've stressed her out to the point where she wanted something stronger and maybe that's why they had money issues and had to move into my dad's shitty neighborhood. Drugs are fucking everywhere there."

"Okay. Okay, okay," he said calmly. He gripped the boy's biceps to ground him because he saw that his friend was freaking out. "You're jumping to conclusions, right?"

It took a moment for Drake to realize he expected an answer. "Right."

"Let's just take a step back. Maybe something happened — it's a possibility — or maybe you're just overthinking things. There was never any proof to indicate that your mom abused those pills. I don't think she would do that after seeing what you went through. I think she was really stressed out about not knowing where you were and if you were alright. Your mother's a strong woman and she had two other kids she had to be strong for. I don't think she would've allowed herself to lose herself."

Drake absorbed this information slowly because his mind was still running a mile a minute. He started to nod. "Okay."

"Okay?"

He nodded some more.

"Do you still wanna go through with this today?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. You want me to get Josh's number from Dee?"

He was quiet for a moment. "No. I'll just go."

"You're gonna go to the house?"

He needed to see for himself. "Yeah."

---

He'd smoked the cigarette all the way down to the butt, taking comfort in the searing burn he felt in the back of his throat. This was his third cigarette and it was beginning to become apparent to Ricardo that he was stalling. Still, he let him. They were parked at the gas station right outside of his dad's old neighborhood. Across the street was that familiar park. The last time he was here was after he cheated on Clementine with Coach Tad and stayed the night here getting high. That was a little over four months ago. It felt like forever.

Ricky turned his head to the right when the passenger's side door opened. He watched his friend get in. Still, he said nothing. He didn't want to persuade Drake one way or the other. He waited for him to speak.

"Okay, I'm ready."

He cranked his car, then pulled out of the lot and started down that familiar street. Drake hasn't gone as far as the park since the night his father passed. Ricardo went back for him and packed some clothes in the backpack his friend always carried around. Not much would fit, but that wasn't an issue. When he'd gone into his room, Ricky had been surprised to find that there was very little in his closet and drawers. This was because Martin had destroyed all of his son's belongings after a huge blow up just weeks before his death. At that time, Drake only had the few articles of clothing that the man had let him borrow. Ricardo hadn't known that's who they belonged to, so his friend got upset when he saw them. He went out and bought a couple things for him, then Walter got him some clothes as well when his step-son had moved in. Ricardo never threw away Martin's clothes. Instead, he kept them at home just in case Drake needed them and, one day, he did need them. It had been Drake's first Father's Day without his dad and he'd just finally gotten clean hardly a month before. He was going through a hard time and he missed his dad and none of the comfort his friends were offering him could compare to what it felt like to be close to his dad. That's when Ricky had given him Martin's old clothes. Drake broke down, but he was so incredibly appreciative. He still had those clothes tucked away in the back of a drawer and, sometimes, when he missed his father bad enough, he would take them out and hold them or even put them on.

"God, I'm fucking sweating." Drake wiped his hands off on his jeans, but it didn't seem to make much of a difference.

Ricardo didn't pull into the driveway just in case the boy wanted to bail last minute. Instead, he parked on the curb in front of the house.

"I'm just gonna go before I change my mind."

"Alright, I'll wait here."

"You don't have to do that. I mean, if she doesn't slam the door in my face. I don't know how long I'll be."

"It's okay. I don't mind waiting. If the conversation goes well and you think you're gonna stay a while, you can text me and I'll leave and then come back and pick you up, but seriously, I'll wait. If it feels like it could go either way, I'd rather be here the second you're ready to leave than risk you walking home and instead going somewhere you shouldn't."

Drake understood. "Thanks, Ricky," he said. "For everything."

Without Ricardo, he never would've been able to get clean and therefore wouldn't have had the guts to come here. Finally, he was going to see his mom again and this was only possible because of the hard work he and his brother had put in.

He gave the boy a squeeze on the shoulder. "You got this."

Drake nodded. He took in a deep breath, then slowly let it out. After that, he opened the door.

Walking up that familiar driveway was almost dizzying. In a flash, old memories flooded his brain. He remembered a young Megan playing with her chalk while Drake was forced to stay on the steps. This was after his dad had stopped locking him in the closet every weekend. Maybe Megan had seen it happen or something. He wasn't so sure about why he was given that tiny bit of freedom. He just remembered getting out of the truck one day and crossing the yard with a sense of extreme dread. He was heading straight for that closet without argument, but Martin snatched his shoulder and ordered him to stay on the steps. It wasn't much bigger than the closet, but at least Drake could stretch out and he got to sit in the sun and talk to Megan and, sometimes, she would draw close enough to the steps so that he could draw, too. Martin didn't seem to mind this when he caught him because it made his daughter happy. Gradually, Drake was allowed more freedom. Eventually, he was given more space to play in as long as he didn't get in his father's way. He could play in the front yard or the back yard or the bedroom. He never followed Megan when she took her toys to the living room, but he didn't mind playing alone because at least he got to play. Despite things getting better, he was still punished often. Sometimes he was beaten, sometimes he was sent to his room and wasn't given food and, sometimes, he still got locked in the closet. Sometimes he got so into playing that he unintentionally became too loud or sometimes he and his sister would start arguing or something like that. Sometimes he didn't do anything at all. Sometimes, for no reason, he would be yanked up and forced to drop his toys and he would be roughly and rapidly pulled into the bedroom so fast that he would trip over his own feet. Next came the bathroom, then the closet. It would all happen so fast and sometimes he didn't even know what he'd done wrong.

Being born. That's what he'd done wrong. He knew it now.

Come on, stop. You've gotta fucking stop this. Stop thinking about Dad or you're gonna fuck this up. He tried to push those thoughts to the back of his mind and, somehow, it worked. He took another deep breath as he ascended the three steps. He paused right there in front of the door. This was it. Last chance to leave. If he didn't do this, he'd never have to know whether or not his mom hated him or Megan hated him or his daughter hated him. He wished he would've remembered to ask Ricardo what the kid's name was now so he didn't sound so fucking stupid.

Knock! He froze. Shit! This is a mistake. Nope. You've already fucking started. Gotta finish now. He began again. Knock! Knock! Knock! It was somewhat quiet because part of him didn't want anyone to hear it and answer the door. However, he heard muffled footsteps approaching.

"Fuck," he exhaled nervously.

He looked down at himself to make sure he looked alright. He knew he did. He'd picked this outfit out yesterday after going through his closet over and over and over again. He combed his fingers through his hair to make sure nothing was out of place, then he wiped more sweat off of his palms as he bounced on the balls of his heels. By the time the door opened, he was shaking. He couldn't help it. He lifted his head and met his mother's eyes. God, he'd missed her so much. She looked the same as he'd always remembered although her orange hair was graying a bit more around the bangs and she had more wrinkles on her face due to all the stress her addicted son had caused her. She wore a soft yellow shirt underneath denim overalls and she had pink gloves with blue and green watering cans on them in one hand like maybe she was going outside to garden. She was beautiful. She was the most beautiful person he knew, inside and out. How someone like him had even spawned from someone like her was a mystery.

Drake watched all the emotions present themselves on her face. Some were good; some not so much. He wasn't sure how long they'd stood there in silence, just staring at one another, but the silence was finally broken.

SMACK!

His head turned to the side with the slap. The sound was still ringing in his ears and his cheek was on fire. That was it. He had his answer. Josh had lied. She hated him. His own mother hated him. His heart fell into his stomach. I shouldn't have come here. I should never have fucking come here! What the fuck was I thinking?! I'm so fucking stupid! I—

Suddenly, his thoughts melted away when he felt her wrap her arms around him and squeeze him tightly. He hugged back and when he felt her holding him like she did when he was a kid, he broke down into deep, body-shaking sobs. He wanted to say something — maybe to apologize or tell her that he was clean or anything — but when he opened his mouth, all that came out were more sobs, these more audible. He sounded pathetic and he knew it. He was a grown man, yet he was standing here trembling so violently that he was shaking her and bawling so loudly that the entire world probably heard.

It took a couple minutes of this before he could finally speak, his voice coming out strangled. "I'm so sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry," he whined. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Once he started, he couldn't stop. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." It's like he was apologizing for each individual thing he'd ever done wrong in his life. This would take a while.

"It's okay, baby."

Hearing her voice again for the first time in years sent another fit of sobs through him. When he was little, she used to sing to him all the time. She would sing to him in the car, while she cooked, when it was time for him to go to sleep. Perhaps this was where his love for music came from. God, how he missed the sound of her voice. When he could speak again, he continued apologizing profusely.

"It's okay, baby. It's okay," she assured.

Here she was telling him that everything he had done was okay. She was telling him that her love was unconditional. Within seconds, she had forgiven him for every bad thing he'd ever done.

Audrey pushed him back so she could examine her son to see how he'd changed over the years. He kept his head low with shame as he continued to cry. It wasn't until she spoke again that he realized she was weeping as well.

"I've missed you so much, sweetie."

"I've missed you, too." His voice cracked. "I'm sorry about everything. Please don't hate me."

"Hate you?!" She seemed surprised that this was even something that was running through his head. "I could never hate you. Ever. You're my baby boy."

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I'm a bad son."

"No, baby, you're not a bad son." She saw that he needed another hug and gave him one, which was fine because she needed one, too, "I've been a bad mother."

Hearing the guilt in her voice made his heart break. "You're not. You're the best mom I could've ever asked for. You always tried. You tried so fucking hard and I fucked up. I did."

"I was wondering if you'd come," she said. "Janine and George told me several months ago that they ran into you at the cemetery. They said they gave you my address. I was waiting for you, but you never came."

"I'm sorry. I just... I'm just sorry," he said. "I thought you hated me. I was scared."

"Oh, honey..." Again, she pulled away and, this time, she got to see her son's eyes. She placed her hand on his cheek and wiped away his tears with her thumb. Now it was her turn to apologize. "I'm sorry. I never should've made you feel that way."

"You didn't. I'm the one who broke everything."

Her sparkling eyes gazed into his and she smiled wide. "Oh, I'm so happy to see you." Her words made him smile, too.

"Sorry," a voice interrupted and despite having not heard it in years, Drake recognized her immediately: Kenzly. "I just got her to sleep."

"Thank you, Kenzly," Audrey said.

"Hey," Drake said, wiping his eyes with embarrassment.

She glanced at her former best friend, but only for a moment. In that moment, she offered a small, forced smile. She clearly felt awkward for disrupting their reunion and she also didn't care to talk to him after he cut her out of his life to appease Dahlia. This was an unexpected scenario that he and Ricardo hadn't gone over, but luckily, he didn't have to deal with it quite yet.

"You don't have to drop me off. I'll walk."

"You don't have to do that. It's right up the road. Drake can wait, right?" She looked at her son. "Or ride with us?"

"Sure," he tried to say casually although he was still sniffling and weeping.

"No, it's okay." Before the woman could protest, she moved past Drake and headed down the porch steps. "See you later."

"Okay. Text me and let me know that you got there safely."

"I will."

When his ex was out of earshot, Drake said, "You still talk to Kenzly?"

"I do. She babysits while I'm at work. She's been so much help." Audrey saw her as a second daughter since she'd been friends with her son for so long. "She contacted Megan on Facebook about a year ago. She said she had nowhere to go and asked if she could stay here until her mom broke up with her boyfriend." She knew about the abusive man her mom couldn't seem to part with and she was always more than willing to provide Kenzly with a place to stay. "She stayed on and off for a while, but it was happening so often that I invited her to stay permanently, so she's been living here for many months."

Drake felt incredibly guilty. Things didn't end will between himself and Kenzly. Her mom's shitty boyfriend had moved back in, so Ricardo said it was okay for Kenzly to stay there. She slept on the couch because Drake was with Clementine at the time. He tried to keep it from his girlfriend for as long as possible because he knew that douchebag would walk out on his friend's mom again just like he always did and then Kenzly would go back just like she always did. However, his girlfriend found out one day when she showed up unannounced and she was livid. Dahlia started hitting him and Kenzly tried to stop her because she knew Drake wouldn't lay a hand on her. This infuriated his girlfriend further. Ricardo and Julio ran downstairs pretty quickly and broke up the one-sided fight between Drake and his girlfriend, then sent Clem on her way. Drake, of course, went after her despite the blood gushing from his nose. He tried to explain and apologize. There was more screaming, more hitting, more name-calling, but eventually, she said she was willing to give his sorry ass another chance if he stopped being friends with his best friend. She gave him an ultimatum: her or Kenzly. Obviously, he chose Dahlia, but he always felt guilty for how things went down.

He turned and looked at the girl, who paused when her name was called. She walked over to Ricardo's car and leaned over to speak through the passenger's side window for a moment, then she got in.

"Who's your friend?" Audrey asked with concern for the girl's safety.

"It's just Ricky."

"Oh, Ricardo." She saw him now as he drove past. "I always liked him and his brother. You still talk to them?"

"Yeah." He wasn't quite ready to tell her that he lived with them just in case things took a sudden turn for the worst.

"I was always so thankful that he stayed with you while I was in the hospital."

Somehow, Drake just now remembered. "You're not in a wheelchair anymore."

"Nope." She grinned.

"How?"

"A lot of physical therapy. Now I'm as good as new."

This made him feel so happy to hear. He still did almost kill her, so he wasn't completely letting himself off the hook, but he was glad that he didn't totally fuck up her life.

"I'm still old and tired, though, so why don't we go inside and sit down?" She turned to open the door, but stopped when she heard his voice.

"Um..."

When she looked at him again, she saw it. She saw his discomfort and she saw the memories running through his head. When she'd first moved in here, she would wonder what areas her son had been beaten in — where he had been raped. She remembered the day her and Megan walked through for the first time before moving in. The carpet hadn't been changed. There was a permanent trail that she assumed was blood and it led down the hallway and to the room that used to belong to her ex husband. When she opened the bedroom door, she'd lost her breath. There were multiple, giant, aged blood stains. She wondered which had belonged to Martin and which had belonged to Drake. She couldn't imagine the horror her son had faced that night. She wasn't able to go in that room again until Walter and Josh pulled up the carpet. The blood had been so heavy that it had soaked through in some places and stained the wood flooring.

They got new carpet and they scrubbed and repainted the walls to rid them of stubborn blood splatters and although it looked fine now, they could never erase the tragedy that had taken place here.

"We could sit right here on the steps," his mother offered, but he could see her sweating already and he knew it would be uncomfortable for her.

"No." He shook his head. "No, it's okay."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," he said nervously.

The first thing he noticed when he walked through the door was the smell. It was different. It used to reek of alcohol. Now he smelled cucumber melon candles and potpourri. The kitchen was the same for the most part, but the small two-person table that used to be up against one of the walls was gone and replaced by the dining room table from the old house. The living room furniture was also from there. Picture frames lined the hallway walls that led to the bedrooms, but he wasn't willing to go far enough to see whose photos were in them.

"Can I get you something to drink or eat?"

"No, thanks."

She led him to the living room and motioned for him to take a seat on the love-seat, then she sat next to him. Audrey could see his eyes moving around the room, but she wasn't sure if he was searching for changes or something familiar. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said, still not looking at her. "Yeah, it's just...I never thought..."

He never thought he'd come back here. She could understand that.

"I'm sorry," Drake said. "Can we go back outside?" He was standing before she had time to answer and he was on his way out the door before she got on her feet. Once outside, he lit up a cigarette. "I'm sorry," he repeated when she caught up.

"Don't be sorry." To his surprise, she picked up her own pack and an ashtray that was sitting on the corner of the porch and started smoking as well.

"It's just hard...being back here."

"I know. Don't worry about it. We can stay out here or I have a garden out back with places to sit down."

Drake thought that this was okay, so the two walked around the house. He sat down at the patio table while his mother propped the back door open so she could hear if the toddler woke and started moving about.

"Where is everyone?" the young man asked.

"Megan's at her friend's right now."

"What about Walter and Josh?"

"Walter and I are divorced, sweetie," she said as if it hurt Drake more than her.

"Oh," he sad sadly and she could see the thoughts running through his head.

"It has nothing to do with you. I admitted to cheating on him with your father and we just couldn't work things out."

Drake could remember walking in on this. He'd promised her he wouldn't say anything and he didn't. The last time he spoke up about something like that, his entire life got fucked up. Maybe if he never would've said anything, then Martin wouldn't have hated him and maybe he wouldn't have started drinking and hitting and sexually assaulting him and maybe Drake never would've started using drugs and maybe they could've all lived happily ever after.

"What about Mindy?" he asked.

"She left a long time ago — back when we were still at the old house."

"She left our kid?" He didn't mean it in a judgmental way. He'd abandoned his daughter, too, but he never expected Mindy to do this. He'd tried to convince her to have an abortion and she wouldn't, so why go through with it and then bail?

"She got back on meth," Audrey said sadly.

Drake couldn't stop himself before he said, "Shit."

"I think the stress of having a baby got to her. She tried to keep both at first, but after a few months, she ended up choosing the drugs."

It was his fault she started using in the first place. He shouldn't have introduced her to it. He and Rhinestone were just having fun and they needed more cash to keep their drug-fueled weekend going and Mindy had cash. He never should've called her that night. She got her first taste of meth then. That was the only time she ever did it with Drake and it was a while before she used again, but he knew that night that Mindy had enjoyed the drug a little too much.

"Oh, honey, it's not your fault." She frowned when she saw his eyes water over again.

"Isn't it, though? I'm the one who gave it to her. I ruined her life."

Mindy was the smartest person back in high school — smarter than Josh even. She could've gotten into Harvard if that's what she wanted. She could've had all the good colleges fighting over her. She graduated high school, then she spent that summer with Drake so that she could get extra credit. She ended up with a baby, a drug habit and a criminal record. That summer ruined her. Drake ruined her.

"What about you?" his mother asked with something that sounded like nervousness. "Are you still using?"

"No, I quit. I'm clean."

This made her smile with pride. "Good. Oh, I'm so glad." She grabbed his free hand and squeezed to pull his attention away from Mindy. "How long's it been?"

"A little over a month," he said. "I know it's not much, but—"

"No, it's great," she said and he could tell she really meant it. With Josh, he never bothered to really go into detail about it because the judgement was immediate, but there was no judgement coming from his mom — only pride.

"I, uh...I was clean for a really long time. For almost two and a half years. I had a few mild slip-ups during it, but I was able to bounce back pretty quickly for the most part. I had over nine months of sobriety in my pocket, which was the longest I've ever gone, and then I really messed up. I relapsed and..."

He always knew this moment would come if he decided to face his mom. He never knew how much detail he should go into. Ricardo suggested telling the truth, but surely he didn't mean all the grotesque details.

"...it got really bad, Mom." Great. Now he was crying again. If she couldn't tell before, then she definitely knew now that he was a crybaby. "Like, really bad." He kept his head low. "I've been so scared of facing you because I didn't know how to tell you...or if I should..."

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, honey."

"I did a lot of... You'd be so disappointed if you knew..." He sniffled. "I'm so ashamed."

"But you're clean now," Audrey said, assuring him that she didn't care about the bad stuff.

"Yeah." Drake nodded and wiped his eyes.

"Come here." Audrey pulled his head onto her shoulder and rubbed his back. "It's okay, baby." She kissed the hair on the side of his head. "It's okay."

He was reminded of a time when he was much younger. He was riding his bike with some boys he sometimes played with down the street. Audrey had been outside "fixing up the yard." This really meant that she was keeping an eye on the kids, but Drake wanted to be independent and always got mad when she hovered over him, especially around his friends, whose parents didn't stand out there watching them. One time, he was racing this older boy. He'd gained a lot of speed and they were neck-and-neck, but then Megan stepped out into the street without even looking and Drake was forced to tightly grasp the emergency brake handle. This send him flying forwards and he flipped over his handle bars. It hurt like hell, but he was used to pain at that point in his life. Nothing came close to his dad's fists. He didn't cry although the sting on his skinned palms and knees made his eyes water over. Audrey was by his side within seconds, checking his wounds and trying to sooth him as if he were screaming bloody murder. She pulled him close and kept kissing his head. This embarrassed the hell out of him because he knew the other kids would tease him, so he wiggled his way out of her grip and got back on his bike, assuring her that he was fine and urging her to leave him alone.

Now he desperately needed the comfort of her soft voice and her warm embrace and her healing kisses. He didn't care how pathetic and childish it was. He needed his mom.

"I'm so ashamed," he said through his whining. "I'm so fucking ashamed."

"It's okay. It's okay, honey. It's okay."

He wanted to tell her. He wanted to spill everything so that she could clean up the mess he'd made and cover the damage with a nice Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles band-aid. That always fixed everything when he was a kid.

"It's been so hard without you," he said.

"I'm sorry Walter made you go. You know I never would've let him do that had I been there."

Drake would never forget the man's harsh last words to him. I wish you the best of luck and I love you. Drake had begged and begged and begged and begged, but his step-father refused to give in. One thing that scared the boy, possibly even more than his abusive dad, was loneliness. In one night, his entire life fell apart and he lost everything. Being alone for what he expected to be the end of his life was devastating and that's why he went back to Tad's. He was willing to sacrifice his dignity, self-respect, morality and personal boundaries just to not be lonely and Tad had taken real good care of him. Well, he couldn't exactly remember much from his time there, but someone had fed him, bathed him and cleaned up his puke and his piss and his shit whenever he was too fucked up to remember how to walk to the bathroom. He was so ashamed of himself and he couldn't bring himself to admit all this to his mom. This wasn't even his lowest point in life. He'd done so much worse. So, so much worse.

"I love you so much," he said, his voice muffled because his head was buried in the crook of her neck.

"I love you, too," his mother said back. "More than anything."

A couple more minutes passed before he got control of himself again. He pulled away from her, but still kept his head low as he wiped his eyes and sniffled frequently. "I'm sorry. I cry too much."

"It's okay," she said.

"It's so embarrassing."

"Hey." Audrey reached over and took his hand in hers. "Don't feel embarrassed. There's nothing wrong with crying."

"I know. It's just..." He'd rubbed his eyes so much that the skin felt raw and painful. "Dad always said..." Another sniffle. "I don't know."

"Well, he was wrong." She sounded so confident and it almost made Drake believe her. "About everything."

"I know," he lied. He tried to dab at his eyes with his shirt sleeve to see if that was any better, but it hardly made a difference. "Sorry, I don't know why... I shouldn't have...brought him up."

"I think that was part of the problem," she said. "After he passed and you were living back at home, everyone felt uncomfortable when you mentioned him. It was new to us and we had no idea how we were supposed to respond or help. We tried to ignore it and pretend like it never happened. We thought that's what you wanted and what you needed, but we were wrong. We should've let you talk about him freely. We should've listened."

"It's okay, Mom."

"It's been over three years since I've seen you and I've had so much time to think — to go over everything that I handled poorly."

He could tell because she approached things differently now. Unlike Josh, she was proud of his one month of sobriety despite the fact that he'd been gone for over three years. Unlike Josh, she didn't bombard him with questions about work or school or financial stability or anything like that. She no longer measured success in that way. Audrey was totally proud of her step-son for going to college, starting a career, getting an apartment and finding love. Those were all huge, huge accomplishments, but she was also proud of Drake's month-long sobriety and that made him successful in her eyes. The two boys had always been different. Josh was book-smart and friendly and generous; Drake was musically talented, charming and tender-hearted (although he always hid this). They were always heading for different paths, but it didn't mean that one path was greater than the other. Both were doing exceptionally well and she was proud of both of their differing successes and milestones.

"But I want you to know now," she continued, "that if you ever want to talk about anything — your father, your addiction, your struggles, anything — I'm willing to listen and learn and I promise I won't judge."

"Thank you," Drake said. "You have no idea—" Sniffle. "—how much that means to me."

"You said you were clean for most of two and a half years?" She asked, "How did you get clean?"

This actually made the boy laugh a little bit through his tears. "Ricky kidnapped me," he answered.

Audrey didn't fully understand yet, but hearing his laughter made her smile anyway. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'd just gotten out of the hospital...for an overdose..." He wasn't sure if he should've said this, but it seemed like she was keeping her word about not judging. "—and he made me come stay with him. He kept me on a short leash. He put bars on the window in the guest bedroom and locked me in every night. For a month straight, he wouldn't let me out of his sight. Like, for anything. Not for showers or bathroom breaks. Kinda embarrassing and degrading, but I would've ran off to get high and he knew it, so I guess it was necessary. He dragged me to work with him. Everyone who works there has issues. He's a big believer in second chances because he's done things when he was younger that he's not proud of, so a lot of the people who work there have criminal records. Everyone was like a family, even the regular customers. He used to make me sit right there at the bar his entire shift every time he worked so that there were at least three sets of eyes on me at all times making sure I didn't try to sneak out. As time passed, my mindset changed and I started putting in the work to stay clean myself. He saw that and gradually started to give me more freedom. After that, we started learning how to handle things together. He stopped yelling so much and I stopped lying about when I wanted to use. He and Julio were always there to talk me down. I just had to learn how to be honest with them about what I was feeling. When I slipped up, they'd sit me down and remind me why I got clean and we'd start over."

"That's really good!" Audrey said with a big smile as she squeezed his hand. "I was so worried that you were sleeping in alleyways and eating out of trash cans."

He'd definitely been there at one point, but he didn't vocalize this.

"Oh, I'm so glad you have such caring friends."

"Me, too. They saved my life. More than once."

"I wish I would've been there for you like they were."

"It's okay, Mom. You tried. I wouldn't let you. I think I just had to hit rock bottom before I was willing to listen," he said, "and then I had to hit it a couple more times." Drake let out a short chuckle as if this was funny to him, then his face twisted into a frown as he wiped away a fresh tear and sniffled.

Audrey offered silent comfort by rubbing her thumb gently across the top of his hand, which she was still holding. When he reached up to dry his eyes again, her attention was drawn to the words on his left forearm. "You have a tattoo."

He followed her gaze, then stretched out his arm to see what she was looking at as if he'd never looked at it before. It read WAR IS OVER IF YOU WANT IT. It was from a John Lennon song. She knew he loved The Beatles, so she recognized it immediately. In fact, she was the one who had showed him his first Beatles song. She could remember it clearly. Drake always had a love for music, even as a toddler, so she always used to turn something on to occupy him while she tidied up the house. At two years old, he used to wave his arms about or drum on the floor and table and couch and anything he could, but when he heard "I Want To Hold Your Hand" for the first time, he stood up and started dancing in his diaper. At that age, dancing, to him, was bending his knees and bouncing up and down vigorously because he couldn't quite jump yet, but he couldn't tell that he wasn't jumping. When Audrey saw him, she went over to join him. His happiness had been contagious. His baby-toothed grin was huge when she started boogieing down next to him and his uncontrollable laugh made her more joyful than anything else.

Drake had come such a long way from those days. It was hard to imagine how someone could take a cheery child like that and treat him the way Martin had. He'd ruined their son's spirit. Drake used to be so happy and his happiness could light up a room. The abuse took that away. Sometimes when she laid awake in bed at night thinking so much that she couldn't fall asleep, she would ache over the confusion her kid must've felt the first time his father hit him and left him alone in the closet for two days. That confusion broke her heart more than anything. Every weekend, he would wonder what he'd done to deserve such a cruel punishment. He would sit there for forty-eight hours in complete isolation. All he could do to pass the time was obsess over why his daddy hated him. Every harsh insult and vulgar name Martin would call his son would get drilled into his head until he himself believed them and they still stuck with Drake to this day.

The young man responded to her statement, pulling her out of her thoughts. "Yeah, I have three actually." He stretched out his other arm so that she could see the outer space tattoo on that forearm.

"Oh, wow..."

She admired the mixture of colors: purple, blue, green and orange. They all blended together to make a galaxy that looked like cigarette smoke with the silhouettes of each planet in a straight line all the way from the bend of his arm to his wrist. As she examined the black circles further, she started to notice something: little ridges that ranged in length — several horizontal ones that weren't fully covered (which is how she noticed) and one lengthy one that went right up the middle of his forearm, passing through each planet.

Drake could tell by her expression that she saw it. "I, um..." He didn't know what to say. How was he supposed to tell his mom that he'd hated himself so much he wanted to die? Luckily, he didn't have to.

"How many times?"

"Just twice," he assured and it was probably the weirdest thing he'd ever said. Just twice, Mom. I just tried to kill myself twice, but it's no big deal.

"So the time you took a bunch of pills back at our old house and then this time?" she said, motioning towards the scars on his wrist.

"Oh...well, I guess...if you're counting that time right after Meelah died..." Drake had purposely attempted to take his own life three times. The first time was right after he'd caused the love of his life to die when he'd pushed her into relapsing. The second time was when his parents had kicked him out after Marcellas' crew broke in and destroyed the place while Megan was home alone, which forced Drake to move in with Coach Tad so that he wouldn't be on the street. The third time was when Dahlia told him to. "I guess three then," he said softly.

In a matter of minutes, Mrs. Nichols had learned about two new suicide attempts and a new overdose. She had to light another cigarette and Drake did, too.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I wasn't very strong mentally and..." What kind of bullshit explanation was that? How was that going to make her feel better. "I won't do it again. I mean, I know I said that before, but...the last time was...pretty painful..." Nope, that's not better. "I got help. I...um...checked myself into a mental hospital. I had a lot of people supporting me and...when I tried that last time...it really hurt them...so..." He felt horrible when he heard her sniffle. "I'm sorry."

"I'm just glad you're still here."

"Yeah," he said. "Me, too." This wasn't actually true, but it was something he felt like he was supposed to say.

"It's a very pretty tattoo," she said.

"Thank you."

"What's your third one?"

"It's just a square," he said, "on my ribs."

"Can I see?"

"Sure." He said it casually, but he actually didn't want to show her. He hated his body. It was something he used to feel confident about, but not anymore — not with all the scars and reminders. He was asked about them almost every time he went to bed with someone. Total boner killer.

Drake lifted up his shirt to the tattoo right underneath his breast. It was the black square with YAKO ER'UOY in thin white backwards letters so that anytime he went looking in the mirror for a reminder of who he was, he was given positive encouragement instead. His family had seen the hateful insult forever branded into his skin only once, but his mother had never forgotten what it said. Her eyes moved a bit lower and to the right, which is where she found the healed up stab wound. She only looked at it for a second or so because another, newer scar attracted her attention. From what she could see, it began somewhere around his back and came around his side.

"What happened?" she asked.

The young man put his shirt back down. Without it, he felt naked — like, really naked. That's why he liked quickies in public restrooms. A need gets fulfilled without all the embarrassment and questions. He never had to take his shirt off. He didn't mind a girl seeing him with his pants down; he just didn't want her to take off his shirt.

"When I..." He couldn't bring himself to say the words, so he skipped over them. "...that third time...they...completely destroyed my ribs during the CPR. I had to get surgery because one punctured my lung."

"Oh my goodness."

"I guess that's what I get for...being stupid."

"Don't call yourself stupid. You're not stupid," she said.

Drake bent his knees and rested his feet on the chair. He wanted to make himself small after revealing so much of himself to his mother in such a short amount of time. He wanted to close back up or at least switch over to a lighter topic. "Speaking of that..." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He was going to one hundred percent regret this later, but he wanted to stop talking about deep shit for a second.

Audrey watched curiously as he opened his wallet, then pulled out a white card. She took it with furrowed brows when he passed it to her, then read it. A grin took over her face. "You have a library card."

"Yeah, I've been reading a lot." He noticed her eyes sparkle with pride when she looked at him.

"That's so great!"

Actually, maybe he wouldn't regret this. With Josh, he'd just been desperate for approval. With his mom, it wasn't about approval at all. Her love was unconditional. She was happy to see him no matter what. Even if he showed up strung the fuck out, she would've been happy to see him. This wasn't about receiving judgement or approval with her. This was about catching up, no matter how well or how shitty his life was going. All she wanted was to know how he was and she needed him to know that she loved him. She'd spent the last three years hoping he knew that, so now that she had the chance, she was going to make sure she showed him.

"What have you been reading? Maybe I've heard of some."

And here he goes pulling up his Goodreads app on his phone, but this time, he didn't feel pathetic doing so.

"Oh, wow, that's so many." Pause. "Hey, I've read the Divergent series, too. I never would've expected you to like that one."

"Reading's pretty new, so I'm just trying to figure out what I like and don't like. Mrs. Hayfer recommended it, so I gave it a shot and really dug it."

"Mrs. Hayfer?"

"She was my math teacher back in high school."

"Yeah, I remember that," Audrey said. "I thought you hated her. You still talk to her?"

"Yeah, it was actually just a couple months ago that we became friends. Her and her husband — they were the ones who found me when I...when I tried to hurt myself. They saved my life. She's saved my life more than once actually. She visited me everyday when I was in the hospital and she came to see me in the mental hospital. She even came to my birthday party."

"I'm so glad," the woman said. "I'm so glad you had a mother figure in your life."

"I thought about you everyday," said Drake, "and I always thought about coming to see you, but it wasn't until I became friends with her that I really started to consider it. She reminded me of you all the time. She's really kind and selfless and wise and caring like you."

This made her smile and she reached up to pet his hair. She'd missed him so much. She could see many changes in him. He had matured and he was much more outwardly emotional than he used to be. He took responsibility for the wrongs he's done rather than blamed everything on someone else and he was finding new, unexpected hobbies.

"I'm so happy for you. You're doing so well," she said. "What other things do you like to do now?"

"I just recently started playing music again. I haven't done that in...years. Julio and I just did a show at Flux the other week. It was so much fun. Mrs. Hayfer even came."

Audrey had never been to one of his Flux shows before. He used to never want her to go. She thought it was due to her age and because it was uncool to have your mommy come watch you play. She respected his wishes because she never wanted to embarrass him in front of his peers, but that really was never the case. Well, that was partly it, but the biggest reason he never wanted her to come was because he was always doing wild shit up there on stage. Maybe if she would've broken that rule just once, she would've learned of his drug use sooner.

"We still haven't had much time to play," said Drake. "Julio's got some things going on and I've been busy a lot, too. I joined a musical production and the rehearsal schedule is hectic."

"You joined a musical?" She was surprised. "I didn't know you were into acting."

"I didn't either. My friend made me try out with him and I didn't really think anything of it after that because I didn't think I would land the part, but then I got a call that I did and I've stuck with it. It's so much fun."

"Is it the theatre right up there in town? The one advertising for Rent?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"Oh, that's great! You love Rent." She liked it, too, and she'd watched it with him plenty of times. "I would love to come see you perform."

This made him feel like a kid again, but in the best way possible. "I can get you a ticket," he said with excitement. "Tomorrow's opening night, but we're doing it all week, so if you have time—"

"Yes, of course I have time. Is it too late to get a ticket for tomorrow?"

"No, I can get you one."

"Let me text Kenzly and ask if she minds babysitting tomorrow night. What time does it start?"

"Seven." Drake realized now that he hadn't asked about his daughter the entire time that he's been here. Maybe that should've been one of the first things he mentioned. After Mrs. Nichols sent her message, the boy spoke again. His voice no longer carried that same excitement. Instead, it was filled with guilt. "How is she?"

"Kenzly?" The question confused her because they'd already talked about his ex girlfriend.

"My daughter." Those words felt strange leaving his lips and he couldn't meet his mom's eyes.

"She's really good," she said. "She's a very happy and active kid. She looks a lot like you. She even has your ears."

"My ears? Oh, that poor thing."

"Hush. Your ears are fine," his mother said. "She's so smart and she loves music just like you did. Oh, and she recently started doing that thing you did when you were little. Remember when you got mad and you used to hold your breath until you turned blue? She does that."

This made him chuckle for some reason. It was a weird feeling knowing that he took part in creating a living being who looked kind of like him and acted kind of like him and who shared similar interests even though they'd never met before.

"I, uh..." He kept his eyes low with shame. "I don't even know her name."

"Mindy named her Charlie."

Drake was so shocked that he forgot about his guilt and met her eyes. "What?"

"Charlie Imogen Parker."

"Oh my God." He couldn't even help but laugh. "Oh my God. That's so bad."

Audrey slapped his arm playfully. "Hush!"

"No, it's cute, though," he added. "It's cute."

She'd be lying if she said she loved the name. Mrs. Nichols thought Charlie was for boys and Imogen... Where did she even get that? She was glad that the kid's mom decided to stick with Parker rather than Crenshaw or Nichols, though.

"Fuck, Mindy," Drake whispered under his breath.

Audrey couldn't help but laugh, too. He was right. The name was... Well, it was definitely one that only Mindy could come up with.

"I wasn't a fan either," she admitted, "but the more you say it, the more the name gets attached to that adorable face and it grows on you."

She seriously named their kid after a drug. He wondered how triggering it would be to say that name every time he looked at his daughter. It was a constant reminder. No fucking wonder she got back on drugs. What the hell was she thinking?

However, he knew what she'd been thinking. She was thinking that Charlie had brought her and Drake together. Despite everything — whether she was using Triple C's or not at the time — she loved Charlie to death and that summer they spent together had probably been the best time of her life. At least she named the kid after cough medicine and not meth. He definitely preferred the name Charlie much more than Tina.

"Would you like to see a picture?" Audrey asked and he said he did.

She pulled out her cell phone and tapped on the screen a couple times, then passed it to him. It was a photo album on Facebook with all Charlie's pictures. There were a lot.

"Megan's gotten into photography, so she takes pictures of her all the time and edits them on her laptop. They're nice, aren't they?"

"Yeah," he said absently.

He clicked on the most recent one to enlarge it and his heart started pounding. The first thing he noticed was that Charlie was a spitting image of Martin Parker. She had his eyes, his nose, his mouth. It was like looking at his dad, but with a toddler's body and girl's hair. Despite this, the picture brought tears to his eyes. That was his daughter. He helped make her. How could he have just left her like he did? He was supposed to protect her and love her, but he walked away instead.

"She's fucking beautiful," he said. He couldn't describe what he was feeling. It's not anything he had ever experienced before. It's like the second he laid eyes on the photo, he fell in love.

Audrey saw that sudden change in him. She knew her son never wanted a kid. She knew he tried pushing for an abortion and she knew that he'd had to weigh out whether or not seeing his kid was worth reconnecting with Audrey again. She didn't expect him to immediately step up and be a father. Honestly, she hadn't been sure if he wanted anything to do with Charlie at all, but when she saw his teary-eyed grin upon seeing his daughter for the first time, she knew that he was here to stay.

Drake scrolled down to the very first picture, which was of Charlie in the hospital. She was unclothed and pinkish and shriveled and her wrinkly hands were so tiny.

"Mindy ended up having to do a Cesarean," Audrey said.

"That's...?"

"A C-section."

Drake remembered freaking out when her water broke that night. Marcellas had a gun pointed at Mindy and was threatening to kill her and their kid. Drake stepped in between her and the gun and begged him not to, then her water broke and she started bleeding and screaming that something was wrong and he had no idea what to do other than allow her to squeeze his hand so tightly his bones almost broke. Thank God for Megan. She managed to calm her down while Drake negotiated for their lives. He always cared about her and he always cared about the baby despite everything. He always thought he was doing the right thing by distancing himself. Having a substance-addicted dad can really fuck a kid up. He knew this from experience. He thought that, by leaving Charlie in the hands of Mindy, she could grow up without getting involved in the pattern of addiction and abuse that had consumed the lives of her father and her father's father and her father's father's father and so on.

He continued scrolling through each photo beginning with the earliest and his mom commented on each one, giving him some sort of funny background story or explanation and, by the time he was finished looking at the pictures of Charlie, he almost felt like he knew her. The pictures went from youngest to oldest and it was like watching her grow up. He wished he would've actually been there to witness it — those first words, the first time she crawled, the first steps. There were videos for each and he wept with pride when he watched them, but that wasn't the same as being there, teaching her those things himself and holding her hand as she figured it all out.

Drake always had mixed feelings about his step-father. When he shunned him from the family, he understood. He totally did. It upset him and it still hurt to think about sometimes, but overall, he wasn't exactly mad. Now that he was seeing what he missed out on, there was a bit of anger in his heart, but he knew that he probably wouldn't have gotten clean without going through all the shit he went through and then having Ricardo and Julio drag him out of the holes he had dug himself into. Still, there was a chance that having a kid to think about could've straightened him out. He wanted to get clean and he swore he would and he was never given a chance. Instead, he was given a, "I wish you the best of luck." What the hell had Walter expected him to do after that? He had no home, no family, no support. Of course he was going to give in to his drug urges. Drake didn't want to, but he couldn't help but feel like this was all Walter's fault.

"I wish I would've been there," he said. "I never should've left. Does she hate me?"

"I've told her about you," his mother said. "She's not really old enough to understand yet. She hasn't asked, but I tried to show her pictures. She doesn't really pay attention, so I played one of your old CD's since she likes music — one of your band playing — and I told her it was you. She likes to listen to it sometimes."

Drake laughed and cried at the same time as he looked at the last picture on the phone again. Charlie was sitting in the grass next to the garden Audrey had made. She had the hugest grin on her face as she looked around at all the bubbles floating by her and she reached out for them. The picture really did look professional.

"Megan's really good," he said because he kind of blew his mom's statement off last time since he was so distracted by the photos.

"Yeah. Charlie's really photogenic, too. She looks so much like you."

"She looks like Dad."

"You look like your dad."

This was true. He looked a lot like his father, but he never really thought about it like that because Martin always told him how much he looked like his father (Drake's grandfather Henry). Henry was an abusive, raging drunk also because that's what his old man taught him to be. Martin never thought of his son as his mini-me. Instead, he saw him as a Henry look-alike and now that's what Drake was doing. He saw Charlie as a Martin clone when she really just looked like himself.

"I don't know..." the young man started vulnerably, "...if I'd be any better than him."

"Are you kidding me, Drake?" Audrey was surprised by his lack of self-awareness. "You're a good boy. Sure, you've made mistakes, but you own up to them. You know when you've done wrong and you don't set out to intentionally hurt people. That's the difference between you and your father."

"Do you think she'll like me?"

"She'll love you. I know she will."

"I don't really know...how to do this. I mean, you've raised her since she was born. I can't just come in and start acting like a parent."

"Just give it time. Let her get used to you and understand who you are. I love her to death, but she's your daughter and if you're ready to take care of her, I would be more than happy to step back and let you be her dad."

"I'm gonna stay clean," Drake said, trying to assure her although she had already said he could take over any time he wanted.

"I believe you."

Her words really hit him. This was the first time in three years that she's seen him and it's been less than an hour, but she believed him. It's like he earned back every ounce of trust simply by mustering the nerve to return home. She believed him when he said he would never use again. Ricardo and Julio believed him, too, but still they had doubts sometimes. Some people had no faith in him at all, like Dahlia. These were people he was close to — people he would see everyday. Drake left his mother with a gun in her face and blood on her living room floor, but here he was three years later and she still thought the world of him.

"Can I...maybe...see her today?" he asked. He needed to introduce himself before he lost his nerve. Once he did that, he couldn't go back.

"Of course." She felt proud of her son when she saw him grin with excitement. She reached out and took his hand. "You're gonna be a great father."

---

Drake Parker: hey jus checking in its goin relly wellso far

A response came back almost immediately, letting him know that his friend was waiting by the phone in case there were any sudden changes.

Ricardo Santos: thanks for keeping me updated. I'm glad.

Drake Parker: im boutta meet my daughter

Ricardo Santos: how r u feeling?

Drake Parker: relly excited &nervous jus hope she doesnt hateme or that I dont mess up

Ricardo Santos: u'll do fine. U got this. Ur good with kids. Kiara adores u. She always walks right past me & julio to find u and give u a hug first.

Drake Parker: thx idky im so nervois

Ricardo Santos: she'll love u

Suddenly, he heard the back door opening. He still wasn't comfortable going inside and meeting his daughter for the first time was nerve-wracking enough. When Audrey went inside to check on Charlie, she didn't come out immediately like the times before, meaning that the toddler was awake. She'd been inside for several minutes talking to her and letting her know who was outside waiting for her.

Drake put his phone away and stood. His heart was pounding. He saw Audrey first. She was carrying a bucket of toys in case Charlie wanted to play. She moved across the back porch and stepped onto the grass, then set the bucket down. The child was right behind her, following closely and gripping the back pocket of Mrs. Nichol's jeans.

"Look, sweetie. It's Daddy."

Daddy. That would take some getting used to. He never liked the word before because it was like a magic word that wouldn't work for him. That's what Megan always called Martin when she was little and he treated her like a princess. Drake tried the word out a couple times foolishly thinking that maybe it had some real power to it. He never got treated like a prince, though. After a few failed attempts, he decided to stick with Dad or Sir.

Drake squatted down so that he was at eye level. "Hi, Charlie," he said. He only got a little sneak peek of her before she scooted further behind Audrey's leg.

"She's shy," the woman said. "Why don't you go say hey, sweetie? I'll hold your hand." She felt the kid shake her head against the back of her thigh. "She's not used to men," she explained.

"That's okay." Drake related to this. He spent a lot of time around men, but he often felt uncomfortable, so he could understand that she felt this way, too. He stayed where he was and gave her space just like Ricardo and Julio would do for him whenever he was anxious. His voice was soft as he spoke to her. "I'm shy, too, sometimes."

Audrey never thought of her son as shy, but that was back during his high school years and earlier. He always had so many friends and girlfriends and he even fearlessly cussed out Mrs. Hayfer before. She remembered Martin telling her this after a meeting he'd had with the teacher. Drake wasn't nearly as gutsy anymore, she noticed — at least not in that way. Maybe it was the fear of punishment his father had instilled in him. If you do something wrong and someone tries to kill you for it, it's going to leave a mental scar. Drake was brave in a different way. He had the kind of courage it took to quit using the only thing that seemed to keep him sane and the kind of valor required to return home after the way he'd left and own up to all of his mistakes.

"Can I look at some of your toys?" he asked.

Charlie peeked around her grandmother's leg. She had the tip of her pointer finger in her mouth for comfort. She nodded her head, then watched curiously as Drake sat down, reached for the bucket and began pulling some things out. First was a tractor trailer that was about half the length of his arm. All the doors and the hood opened. It was such a little thing, but he remembered how much he loved playing with cars that actually had working doors.

"Cool truck," he said.

Audrey sat on the grass, too, and her movement made Charlie snuggle against her back even more. "Charlie loves big trucks."

"Really? I've been in one before," he said and this got her attention. "My friend has one." Mr. Hayfer wasn't exactly his friend, but his wife was and, in marriage, what's his is hers and vice versa.

"Isn't that cool, Charlie?" the woman hyped.

"Yeah, and it's really big and really tall and it has a bunk bed and a refrigerator inside."

"Wow, we didn't know that, did we?" Audrey knew what was inside tractors, but her granddaughter didn't and she was including herself to make the child more comfortable.

Next, he pulled out a keyboard shaped like an orange cat and the keys were its teeth. He turned it on, then played a few notes. "Do you know what animal this is?" he asked.

Audrey prodded when the kid didn't answer. "You know," she said. "Can you tell him what you call them? Say mew-mew."

Still nothing.

"Do you like mew-mews?" Drake asked.

A nod! It wasn't much and it was just one up and down motion of the head, but it was something.

"Me, too!" he said. "I have two mew-mews at my house. Maybe you can play with them one day. Would you like that?" He got no response, but this didn't discourage him. "They're both little and they're black with yellow eyes." It occurred to him that maybe she didn't know what that meant. "They're this color." He pointed to his black skinny jeans. "And their eyes are..." He looked in the bucket, then retrieved a plastic yellow ball, like the kind that belongs in a ball pit. "...like this," he said. "And they like to play and run and climb and they eat and sleep a lot."

"That sounds like you," Audrey joked as she turned and looked at her granddaughter.

"Let's see what other neat toys you have." Drake pulled out another toy truck (a cement mixer that had a spinning barrel), a baby doll, a drum, a tambourine and a firetruck. He talked about each and he could tell that she was listening, but she still didn't speak up. The next thing he pulled out was an Etch-A-Sketch. "Oh, cool! I had one of these! I can draw something — watch this. I can draw something really cool." He started twisting the knobs left and right and back again. He tried to be quick about it as not to lose her attention. When he was done, he lifted it and turned it around to show off his work. "It's a big truck," he said.

Cautiously, Charlie took a step away from Audrey. She paused, then took another and another until she was standing completely on her own now. Finally, Drake could see her. His mom was right. She was a teeny tiny version of himself, with Mindy's fingers and toes and long, straight, brown hair. Her eyes were brown like both of her parents and looking at her made him miss Mindy a little. The child went about halfway, got a better look at what he drew, then went back to her grandma. Instead of hiding behind her, she sat in her lap.

Drake reached into the bucket for a new item and pulled out a small, kid-sized instrument. "You have a guitar!" He gave it a strum to see how it sounded. It was all sorts of out-of-tune, so he twisted the pegs at the head of it. "I love playing guitar. Do you like to play?"

Audrey gave her time to answer before she answered for her. "She likes to run her fingers over the strings and hear the sounds."

"What song's her favorite from my band's old CDs?"

"Makes Me Happy. She always has me replay that song."

"Wanna hear a song, Charlie?" he asked as he finished tuning the instrument. He sat criss-cross applesauce and rested the guitar on his lap. He played a few chords of a random song to warm up, then he started playing "Makes Me Happy."

Well, hello, let's go
Everybody must know
Love's in my heart like a bomb
It's blowing a song
Inside I'm singing
Sunshine that you're bringing now
And it makes me happy

Charlie immediately recognized the song, but even greater, she recognized the voice. She looked up at Audrey, who smiled down at her, then she stood curiously.

Listen to the radio
Playing back in stereo
Sounds like my favorite song
I'm humming along
My head is ringing
And I just can't stop singing now
'Cause it makes me happy

You're everything I need
Handed from above
I can't get enough of your love
Cause it makes me happy

When Drake lifted his head, he saw his daughter dancing and it touched his heart. His eyes watered over, but he kept his tears back. He didn't want to cry in front of his kid. He'd just scare her away. At that age, children don't understand that there are such things as happy tears, too.

Living in a daydream
I'll show you what it all means
Spending some time in the sun
Let's get up and run
It's just beginning
And I just can't stop singing now
Cause it makes me happy

Like a fantasy
That you never find
Right in front of me
All the time
And it makes me happy

I want it all but not too much
I wanna feel the way you touch me
I'm the kind of guy who's always there to come and find you

Save the rainy days for another time
I'm just here to say read between the lines
I'm so glad that you're mine
Cause you make me happy
You make me wanna sing

He finished up all the dodododo's, which seemed to be her favorite part. When he finished, he rested the guitar on his lap and his heart burst when he heard Charlie clapping and cheering him on.

"Yay! Good job! Good job! Yay!"

He had to wipe his eye before she could see the tear that fell. His mother was clapping, too.

"You like that song, don't you?" she was saying.

Drake wore a friendly smile as his daughter finally approached him. She didn't say anything more. Instead, she picked up his right hand and placed it on the strings.

"Again?" he asked.

When she nodded, he played it again and she danced some more. After he finished, she urged him to begin again. This time, he picked up the tambourine and passed it to her so that she could play along. He went through the song about seven or eight times before she settled down and started playing with her other toys with him. Audrey's stiff legs were falling asleep, so she stood and stretched them, then sat down at the patio table. She looked on at her son with pride as he took the doll and hairbrush he was given and started combing through the blonde hair.

---

The sky was dark when Ricardo pulled the car up to Drake's old home. This time, he pulled into the driveway, then texted his friend to let him know that he was there.

"I guess it went well if he waited this late to text you," Julio said from the passenger's seat.

"Yeah. I'm glad. I thought it would go well, but it threw me off because, the second his mom opened the door and saw him standing there, she bitch-slapped the fuck out of him."

"Damn."

"I know. It was so loud that I heard it from where I was parked on the curb. I know that shit had to've hurt."

"Well, she had three years of pent-up anger to let out. If that's all he got, she handled it well, I'd say. Yo, can we stop and get something to eat on the way home. I'm fucking starving."

"Yeah. What do you—"

"There he is. Is that his kid?" Julio sat straighter in his seat and stared out the window as Drake rounded the corner of the house carrying Charlie in his arms. "That's so weird."

"Hey," Drake said as he approached the open window. "My mom's coming. She wanted to see you guys. Look." He grinned as he showed off his daughter.

"Let's get out," Ricardo said to his passenger because he thought it was rude to remain in the car if his friend's mother wanted to speak to them. He unbuckled and opened the door and his brother followed, then the man went around to their side of the vehicle.

"She's cute," Julio said. "She looks just like you."

"Are you calling me cute?" Drake teased and he received an eye roll in return.

"Hey there," Ricardo said to the child in a pitch higher than his normal one.

Charlie responded by turning her head away from him and Julio laughed.

"She's shy and scared of men," her father explained.

"Wow, she sounds just like you, too," said Julio.

"I'm not scared of men. I just don't like to be around them, okay?"

Ricardo broke in before the meaningless, half-hearted bickering started. "She seems to have taken to you pretty fast," he said when he noticed her wrap his arms around Drake.

"I sang to her and played guitar. My mom raised her on our old CDs, so she knew my voice when I started singing and she danced. I wish you could've seen it."

"So what's her name?" Julio asked.

Just then, Audrey came through the front door and made her way over to the group. She wore a friendly smile. "Oh, it's good to see you both again. My, you've gotten tall!"

"Well, one of us has," Ricardo joked, picking fun at his younger sibling, and Drake smirked at Julio's scoff.

"It's been so long since I've seen you boys. You're not even boys anymore. You're men. Look at you. You're even growing facial hair."

This time, Julio spoke up. "Well, one of us is."

Ricardo shoved him playfully and laughter broke out amongst the group. This made Audrey happy to see. Her son had said the oldest had taken on an authoritative role in his life, but she was glad to know that he wasn't so stern and serious all the time because it meant that Drake got a break from feeling guilty about who he was and what he had done. Serious conversations and accountability were important, but so was laughter.

"I just wanted to come out here and thank you boys for taking care of my son. I'm so glad someone took him in and kept on him and made sure he stayed on the right track," she said and she started crying. "I know it wasn't easy. You gave him what I never could. You never gave up on him and I can't thank you enough for that. You saved his life. Without the two of you, he wouldn't be standing here next to me today."

"Thank you, ma'am," Ricardo said, "but he changed his life on his own. We were just there for guidance and support."

Drake rolled his eyes. "Don't be so modest," then he went back to comforting his daughter.

"He's changed," his mom said. "He's grown up to become a fine young man and he may have done the hard work, but I know it wasn't a cakewalk for the two of you either. He told me some of the things you've both done for him and I'm so grateful. If there's anything I could ever do to repay you, you just let me know."

"We're just glad to see him clean," Julio said. This was enough of a reward. He didn't say that because Drake would call him out for being cheesy, but it was true. He didn't want anything in return for all the blood, sweat and tears he had put in to helping his friend turn his life around. Watching him go through life without being doped up was the best prize he could ever ask for.

Audrey went in for a hug. She put one arm around Ricardo and one around Julio and continued expressing her gratitude. She wept some more and this went on for close to half a minute before she let go. "Well, I better not keep you. It's getting late and I've gotta get this little one to bed." She looked over at Charlie, who still clung to Drake's neck so that he would protect her from the big scary strangers. "And you've got a big day tomorrow," she said to her son.

"I've gotta go now, okay?" the young man said softly to his daughter as he rubbed her back. "But I promise I'll come back soon." He gave her a hug and kissed her hair just like his mom used to do for him. "You ready to go to Nana?" He was told that this was the name Audrey preferred because Grandma made her feel old. After Charlie nodded, Drake leaned in and gave Mrs. Nichols a hug with his free arm. "Bye, Mom. I'll see you tomorrow night." He squeezed her tight like he didn't want to let go now that they were reunited, but then he kissed her cheek and pulled back.

"Bye, baby," Audrey said to Drake as she took her grandchild. "I love you." Just in case he didn't come back, she needed him to know this.

"I love you, too," he said. "And I love you." He kissed Charlie's cheek again, then waved goodbye and got inside the car after his friends.

Audrey and Charlie watched them go. "Wave bye-bye." She waved and the child mimicked her.

"She's adorable," Ricardo said as they started down the street.

"I know!" Drake said giddily from the backseat. "Oh my gosh, I love her!"

The man looked at him through the rear-view mirror. His friend's grin was so contagious that he couldn't help but smile himself. He turned towards Julio and, in that quick glance, he saw that his brother was thinking the same thing. It was good to see Drake happy again.

---

Ricardo woke up dying of thirst. He had a half-full bottle of water on the nightstand next to him and gulped it down pretty quickly, but it wasn't enough to quench his thirst. He thought about laying down anyway, but he knew he'd just lay there unable to sleep, focusing on his dry mouth and being too lazy to do anything about it because his head was already back on the pillow, so he forced himself to his feet to take care of the problem. When he got to the kitchen, he heard a voice coming from the next room. Upon checking the clock, he noticed that it was about an hour and a half past midnight. He grabbed his new bottle of water, then headed towards the living room with curiosity. That's where he found his two roommates. Drake was sitting on the couch telling Julio exactly how meeting his daughter had gone, giving him a detailed play-by-play and repeating himself quite often. His voice carried the same vigor it had earlier when he'd gushed about his kid in the car.

Julio was taking it like a champ. Nothing was more annoying than child-talk, especially when he kept hearing the same stories over and over again, but he was genuinely happy for his friend. Julio didn't want kids — not anytime soon anyway — and Drake used to be the same way, too, but now that he'd met his, there was a sudden change in him and Julio fully supported it. Despite how boring talking about dolls and toys and macaroni was, it made Drake happy and that made his friend happy, too.

"What the hell?" Ricardo butted in. His tiredness showed, which maybe made him sound a bit grumpy, but he wasn't mad or anything. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Sorry," Drake apologized sheepishly, his smile fading fast. "Did I wake you?"

"No, but you've got a ton of shit to do tomorrow and you have to get up early. It's almost two. Don't you think you should get some rest?"

"Shit, I guess I lost track of time." He glanced at the clock. "I'm not even tired."

"If you don't get some sleep, tomorrow's gonna suck. You don't want your performance to suffer because you let yourself stay up all night."

"You're right." He was nervous enough about opening night. The last thing he wanted was to get up there and completely choke in front of everyone, especially his mom, and how was he supposed to buy back Josh's love if he blew this?

"I'm going back to bed. Goodnight."

"Night."

"Goodnight," Julio repeated. When he heard footsteps on the staircase, he quietly teased Drake. "Dad got you in trouble."

The boy laughed, but stopped when they were given an, "I heard that."

"I guess we better go to bed," Julio said.

"I'm gonna smoke first. Maybe that'll make me sleepy."

"Alright. I'ma go on upstairs. I'm about to pass out." He stood and his friend followed.

"Thanks for listening. Sorry I bored you with all my kid-talk."

"I tried to keep my eye rolls to a minimum. How'd I do?" he joked.

"Ten out of ten totally looked interested."

"Good," he nodded. "No, seriously, I really love that you're so excited about it. You went from being the most irresponsible person I know — no offense—"

"Sure, okay." He expressed amusement at the blunt honesty.

"—to being that Dad who whips out a photo of of his kid every single year at the office Christmas party whether people wanna see it or not."

"That was...oddly specific..."

"It's a weird transition since we were both just debating whether narwhals are real or not this morning, but it's whatever. I'm glad things went well today. I'm glad you feel the desire to talk my ear off about this rather than a lot of the other things you usually talk about." He was referring to drug cravings, thoughts about his dad or Dahlia, depression or any of the other serious topics his friend usually vented about. Julio was always willing to listen to them, but it was nice to see that none of these were currently at the forefront of his mind. "And you can even tell me these same stories all over again tomorrow.

"It's just new, I guess," Drake said. He touched the door knob and, despite what Julio had said moments ago, it looked like he was going to follow him outside, so he opened the door and they went. "It's like...she's the one thing I haven't fucked up. She's perfect and I keep having doubts, like...damn, if she's doing this well without me...maybe it is best if...if I stay gone, you know? What the fuck can I offer her? A month of sobriety and a history of trauma and abuse?"

"You're not your dad. You'll never be your dad."

"I'm a fuck-up, though. You can't be a parent and be a fuck-up because then she's just gonna grow up to be a fuck-up, too."

"Then stop fucking up."

Drake was quiet for a short second, then he softly repeated those words. "Then stop fucking up." He said it like a new revelation he was mulling over. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Seriously," Julio said. "If you wanna take care of your kid, then take care of her, and that means putting her first, so if you're thinking about relapsing, don't. If you're thinking about hurting yourself, don't. If, for some reason, you get it into your head that it's a good idea to propose after being with someone for a week, please, for the love of God, don't."

Drake couldn't help but smile with that last one.

"If you're staying in this kid's life, that means you've got eyes on you. You can't be halfway with that shit. You've gotta be all in and you have to take care of your shit because you'll also have someone else's shit to deal with...literally and figuratively."

"She only has accidents sometimes, but she's almost ready for panties—" He saw Julio's dead stare. "...and that's not your point. No, I get it. You're totally right. It's just...I don't know if it'll be easier to make good choices just because I have a kid," he admitted and he felt like a piece of shit saying it out loud.

"Then maybe before you let things go any further, you should try to figure that out." His words were really hitting home with Drake, he could tell. "You've got a chance to break the pattern of substance and child abuse in your family. You have a chance to take back your family name and make something great out of it and I totally believe you're capable of that, but you have to believe that, too. If you can't...maybe parenting isn't the best thing right now. Maybe giving up your rights is in her best interest. You have to think ahead to when this excitement wears off. This kid's gonna get annoying, she's gonna be a lot of work, she's gonna require a lot of maintenance, she's gonna take up most of your paycheck. I know it sounds like I'm trying to convince you not to do it. I'm not. I just don't want you to be that wishy-washy dad that comes and goes. Now that's how you fuck a kid up. You've gotta make a decision and stick with it. You've gotta be everything your dad wasn't, which means you'll have to unlearn all the bullshit you learned from him about what being a father means and you'll have to figure it out all by yourself."

As Drake considered his advice, he stayed quiet. When he spoke again, he asked, "What do you think I should do?"

"I can't tell you that," Julio said. He saw that this disappointed Drake, although he knew he understood. "But if you were to ask me if I think you're capable of raising a child, then my answer would be yes. You just have to be ready to take on all that responsibility. If you relapse, you can't run off for another two months. If you get depressed, you can't lay in bed for weeks at a time. I believe in you. The real question is: do you believe in yourself?"

---

"We just did dress rehearsals a couple days ago," Dee overheard as he walked down the main hallway towards the doors. "If her costume didn't fit right, she should've said something then."

"She wasn't here that day, remember? She had a wedding to go to—"

"Oh, Dee!" Another cast-mate rushed up to him from behind. "Have you seen Hollie? I can't find her anywhere and I'm trying to run through some choreography to make sure we know where we're supposed to be for Christmas Bells."

"I think she's helping Catalina fix something in the tech booth."

She scurried off and Dee pushed opened one of the double doors. He immediately felt the August wind hit him and it cooled him off although it was seventy degrees out. He looked to his right, then his left and that's when he spotted Drake. He was standing against the wall inhaling cigarette smoke like a vacuum.

"Hey," Dee said, announcing his arrival as he approached. "There you are."

"Sorry, I just had to step out for a second."

"You alright?" As he got closer, he noticed his friend's fingers trembling.

"Yeah."

Dee didn't believe him. "What's up?"

"Just a little nervous," he spilled. "Everything's going wrong and I'm kinda freaking out. I've thrown up four separate times already, which, I'm pretty sure, beats Kristy's record by, like, two." He sucked in a long drag from the cigarette.

"Hey, everything's gonna be fine."

"It seems like everything that could go wrong is going wrong."

"We've still got a few hours. Everything will go smoothly and, if it doesn't, as long as you know your shit, then it's not your fault. We joined this to have fun, remember? Don't take it so seriously."

"I just don't wanna fuck up. My mom's out there...and Josh..."

"You'll do fine. You love Rent. You know your parts inside and out. Don't worry about what anyone else is doing. Don't focus on your family or the audience. Just go out there and have fun," Dee said. "I'll be right there with you and Ricardo and Julio will be there supporting you, too."

Drake nodded as he silently repeated the man's advice in his head. There was a moment of silence, then he said, "I need to get ahold of myself. I never got like this playing a gig before. I don't know what's gotten into me."

"It's just new. You're adding acting and you feel like you've got a lot riding on this because your family's here, but I think this is a really good opportunity to talk to them without actually talking to them, you know? You told me you resonate with Rent a lot. You've dealt with addiction. You've dealt with homelessness. Show them that. Help them understand you and the things you've gone through."

"You're right. That's good advice. Thanks," Drake said, then his normal, facetious self returned. "You must be taking Ricky's Dad Advice 101 class."

"And now I've just completed my homework assignment for the week," he bantered back.

The young man chuckled, then exhaled slowly after tossing his cigarette butt away.

"You good?"

"Yeah."

"A group of us were gonna run through Santa Fe one last time and then everyone's gonna get dinner together. You wanna come?"

"Yeah." He pushed himself away from the wall so that he could follow him back inside. "I don't know about dinner, though. If I eat anything, I'm gonna throw up on stage."

"It might help settle your stomach if you get some food in you."

"I doubt it. I'll eat after. My mom wants to celebrate and Ricky said we can do it at our house. He never told me if you said you were coming or if you're going to celebrate with the rest of the cast."

"I was planning on going with the cast. I didn't wanna intrude."

"You won't be intruding," Drake assured. "I know my mom wants to meet my friends. Plus, you're Ricky's boyfriend and she's known him since he was a bad boy teen, so I'm sure she'd love to meet you. If you want," he added. "It's okay if not. I hate meeting new people, too, and the cast get-together will probably be much more exciting."

"No, I'll come," he said, "if you're sure you won't mind."

"No, I'd love for you to be there."

A voice broke into their conversation. "Drake, Dee, there you are. We've been waiting for you." It was Kristy.

"Sorry, I had to step outside and get some fresh air for a sec."

He never told anyone he was a smoker because he didn't want to get in trouble for taking breaks, but they knew because they could smell it on him. No one really cared, though, because he only ever went outside when he wasn't busy rehearsing.

"Alright, they're back," Kristy announced. "Places, everyone."

---

The first two seats on the row were occupied by Dee's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Christensen. Both were excited to see him back on stage. He used to be in the drama club back in high school, but he hasn't performed since then. Back then, he was quite chubby and often picked on. He didn't have many friends, his grades were low and he'd hated school. After graduation, he went to community college, faced the same obstacles and dropped out halfway through the semester. That's when he joined a gym and decided to change his life. Since then, he'd eat, sleep and breathe only fitness. Both were ecstatic to learn that he'd landed a part in the Rent production and they enjoyed seeing him perform again. They knew how much he had always loved it, but he let that passion die due to his low self-esteem. Darrell seemed much more confident ever since he met Ricardo and they were glad he had found such a loving partner who supported their son.

Ricky sat next to Mrs. Christensen. He smiled when he saw Drake walk out onto a small, square, upstairs balcony. A group of people followed, each one stating their names. Dee soon came out and called himself Collins as he shook hands with the AIDS support group leader. He knew Drake had been nervous about today, but he was sure that Dee had helped keep him grounded. He never received any frantic calls since his boyfriend had picked his best friend up, so that was a good sign. He loved seeing the two share scenes together. It wasn't often that they interacted, but since Drake played one of the homeless, he was often just in the shadows on stage aimlessly roaming about or pretending to be freezing or tired or something. They were both doing really well and Ricardo's smile got even bigger when the AIDS support group began singing.

Next to him sat Julio and the next song that started up abruptly was much more rock 'n' roll. The electric guitar and drums immediately attracted Julio's interest, but then the girl that started singing grabbed his attention. It was Sal, who played Mimi, singing her solo Out Tonight. She was a stripper and she wore a colorful robe with her hair pinned up. She was on an upstairs walkway and in the spotlight, with the AIDS support group remaining in their cubicle to the left, now in the shadows. Less than a minute in, Mimi let down her hair and removed her robe. Underneath, she wore skin-tight blue silk pants and a silver crop top with black mesh around the stomach area. She had on black, leather sleeves that clung to each other only by a small stretch of fabric on her upper back. As she sang, she danced along the railing, as a stripper would do, and gradually made her way downstairs.

"Oh, damn..." slipped out of Julio's mouth and his big bro chuckled quietly to himself. That's who Drake fucked in the smoothie shop bathroom?"

Ricardo glared at him. "Dude..."

The young man looked at him and saw him nod to something behind him. He turned his head in that direction and saw Drake's younger sister Megan staring at him with a bemused grin. He chuckled awkwardly. "Heh. I'm just kidding. Your brother's a total virgin."

"Yeah, Mindy just gave birth to Jesus Jr., I guess."

"Still a smartass, I see."

He and Drake used to spend a lot of time together. Julio's known Megan since she was just beginning school, so they sometimes bickered like siblings. This actually always made Drake jealous. He could never talk to Megan like that. He could hardly say anything to her at all. He loved her to death, but things were always weird between them. He never quite understood why until she wrote that letter he'd read during a failed intervention. In it, she admitted to knowing their father was beating him. He was kicked out (or chose to leave as opposed to checking into rehab) after that, so he never got to work out their relationship. Maybe it was better that he didn't. It only would've been harder for them both when he left to fuck up his life.

During the next song, Mimi tries to get with Roger, who is too scared to "give in to love," as the lyrics say, because his former girlfriend was a junkie who killed herself after finding out she had AIDS. Roger still can't get over the hurt, plus he's hesitant to be with Mimi because she's a junkie while he's in recovery and because he has HIV and doesn't want to pass it (although he later learns that she also has the disease). Mimi attempts to convince him to stop living in fear, but Roger only yells at her and pushes her to leave. Towards the end of the song, the AIDS support group provides backup vocals, siding with Mimi and hoping to get Roger to accept the junkie's affection.

There's only now, there's only here
Give in to love or live in fear
No other path, no other way
No day but today

Megan watched her brother looking down from the balcony and singing his part along with the others in the support group. Drake had no idea she was here. It was a last-minute decision and Audrey just planned on purchasing her ticket, but Ricardo managed to get ahold of his boyfriend and snag one for her. It was probably best that Drake didn't know yet. He and Megan hadn't had the chance to talk things out since she'd been at her friend's when he'd showed up at their house. She wondered how weird it was for him to be back there. Her mom said he hadn't been able to go inside. She didn't blame him. She hadn't wanted to move there either, but they lost their home due to money issues and Martin had left her his nightmare-ridden trailer. The first thing she did was toss out the bed she knew her older brother had been raped on. She put the entire thing on the curb: mattress, frame, headboard, sheets, pillows — everything. It hardly made a difference. He was probably assaulted on the couch, too...and on the kitchen counter...in the bathroom...the basement...

She still hadn't forgiven herself for keeping the abuse a secret. The sexual assaults hadn't started until he was sixteen. If she would've told their mother about Martin hitting Drake, then it never would've escalated to rape. She couldn't even imagine the fear and shame he must've felt to have decided to let it keep happening rather than get help. She should've helped him. As his sister, it was her responsibility to stick up for him when he couldn't do it himself. For this reason, she was probably the only one who hadn't stayed mad at him for leaving. What else was he supposed to do? No one saved him. His family wouldn't let him talk about it without acting weird, yet no one would let him forget it. Of course he'd turned to drugs. What else was he supposed to do? No one else was helping him sooth the pain.

Megan turned to her mom when she heard a sniffle. She placed her hand in Audrey's and gave her a concerned looked when she turned her head towards her.

"I'm okay," the woman mouthed silently.

The current song was Will I? and it was always Drake's favorite song even though it was the same four lines repeated over and over and over again. It was in the same style of Row, Row, Row Your Boat in that one person says the first line, then when he goes on to the next line, another person joins in, but back at the first line, so different groups are singing different parts. In the beginning, one person gets to begin the song by running through all four lines before the rest of the cast gradually joins in. This was Drake's part.

Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

His voice broke her heart to pieces. She'd watched Rent plenty of times with her son and he always talked about how this was his favorite song. He was a rock musician, yet he resonated with this song more than the harder songs sung by Roger, a rock musician.

She should've seen it sooner — the things he was going through. These lyrics should've raised a red flag. Sure, they were about those dealing with the AIDS disease, but Drake had related to them because of the disease he had: addiction. He'd felt them in reference to the abuse he'd suffered at the hands of his father. All those times they sat on the couch watching this film and singing this song together, he had been singing to her. He'd been reaching out for help the only way he saw possible...and she'd missed it.

A long time ago, she never understood why he would keep such a secret to himself. No matter what he felt, she was his mother. He should've been able to come to her with anything. It wasn't until about a year ago (when Rent came on the tv and she watched it and reminisced on the times she'd had her son in her life) that she finally started to understand. What had happened to him made him feel undignified and dignity is one of the worst things a person can lose. Ever since that night when everyone had learned about the abuse, Drake continued to lose more and more dignity as the days passed. Audrey remembered clearly the night those thugs had broken into her home and had beaten and taunted her son in front of everyone. Even under the blood and bruises, she could vividly recall the bright red color that washed over his cheeks when the leader mentioned him giving out blowjobs at the truck stop and going to a hotel room with some stranger. She didn't believe it at first, but then her son had confirmed it by saying, "I was trying to get your money." She'd felt so sick upon hearing those words and she had no denial left when he asked his family to turn away so that he could pleasure one of the men to spare Josh the pain of a beating. Her precious child was out there offering himself to anyone who would take him. He'd been so desperate for cash that he inserted himself around a bunch of Martin Parker's and let them have their way with him. He prostituted himself. Her baby boy was a prostitute.

She always hoped that maybe it was just that one time. She liked to believe that, even after being tossed to the curb by Walter, he'd never needed to do it again. She always told herself that for comfort. However, when Drake broke down sobbing yesterday, she knew. He didn't even have to say it. She knew that wasn't the last time.

She could feel someone staring at her. She turned her head to the person next to her: Josh. She gave him a small smile, assuring him that she was okay, then she turned her attention back to the stage as the next song began. Josh hated seeing Audrey cry. It's a sight he's witnessed way too many times in the past few years and, each time, that anger inside him got a bit bigger. He didn't want to hate Drake. Of course he didn't. They were best friends once. He wanted so badly to go back to those days, but he couldn't get past what the young man had done. Maybe those days had never existed in the first place. Josh used to tell him everything and he thought that Drake did the same, but it turned out the entire life he thought his brother lived was all fabricated. He used to come to him with girl trouble or friend trouble or homework trouble, but compared to his real troubles, that was nothing. It felt like their entire relationship had been a lie.

This was something he could get past, though. Maybe he didn't understand why Drake had been so secretive, but he could learn. What he couldn't forgive was his brother — his best friend — stealing the love of his life, impregnating her, then abandoning her and his child. Mindy wasn't even anything to him but a convenient lay. If it had only happened once, he still didn't think that he could get over it, but the fact that it happened three times? How was he supposed to forgive him? Josh never could talk to him about it. He'd hardly spoken to him at all, even before Walter kicked the addict out.

Drake had done a lot of stupid things, like when those gangsters had broken in, for example. It was his fault. They all could've died. However, it wasn't intentional (and apparently, after hearing how those guys taunted his step-brother, Drake had done everything in his power to prevent it all from happening), but there was no way that sleeping with Mindy was unintentional — not three times. This was one decision that Drake couldn't blame on the drugs. In fact, it was probably the only realness that had come out of the young man since they'd met. Drake was a girlfriend-stealer.

Deep down, though, Josh knew that there was some good in him. When shit had hit the fan, Drake resorted to armed robbery and prostitution in order to save his family. Although not ideal, it was the only choice he thought he had. When Marcellas threatened to beat Josh up, his older brother was willing to give some sick thug oral right in the middle of the living room, with his family present and everything. He knew it was his own mess and he tried his best to keep it that way, but no matter how angry Josh was with him, he would never let him humiliate himself like that and he would never ever allow Audrey to sit through something so traumatic, which is why he'd turned the attention to himself by starting a fight. He lost consciousness, but he was later told that he'd saved Drake the embarrassment and their mother thanked him a thousand times.

Despite everything, that night proved that Drake wasn't evil at heart. He was even willing to take a bullet to save the baby he refused to claim or even acknowledge sometimes. Josh wanted to forgive him. Honestly, he missed those days when he and Drake used to get into mischief (innocent mischief). Did he see that happening? No. When they caught up outside the club on Dee's birthday, he hadn't meant to be so harsh and bitter, but he couldn't help it. A measly month of sobriety after having been gone for three years was a little disappointing, but it was something at least. He knew that Drake had changed — had matured and grown — but he couldn't help but focus on his flaws. He always had his guard up and had a shell around his heart when it came to Drake. He wouldn't let his brother break his heart again. In doing this, he wasn't allowing him room to come in at all. He genuinely wanted this to change and he was willing to try, but he wasn't sure if it ever could. What if Drake was the same old Drake who had done all of those horrible things three years ago? What if he was a completely different, better person? Will that fix everything or will Josh's hatred only grow? How was it fair that the young man could fuck up everyone's life, leave and then come back clean and willing to care for his daughter suddenly when everyone else's life was still in shambles? Josh was going to propose to Mindy and Drake ruined that. Mindy was going to go to Harvard and now she was probably geeked up in some dope house if she wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere. Josh's father lost his wife and had fallen into a depression. Audrey lost her home due to the money they'd had to put into her getting mobility of her legs again. Megan was — who knows where Megan was or what she was doing? She was so secretive and antisocial. How was it fair that, after all of the debris left in his path, Drake could just show up like nothing had ever happened. Everyone was still suffering because of what he had done, but Drake was doing alright and so everyone was supposed to just forgive him? How did he always get away with everything so easily?

Josh tried to push these thoughts out of his mind as Dee finished one of his main songs. He'd missed it thinking about Drake. He needed to stop. Dee invited him. He was supposed to be here for support. Santa Fe transitioned into I'll Cover You, which consisted of Dee's character Collins and his partner Angel, a percussionist drag queen, professing their love and knowing they're on borrowed time since both have HIV and will die because of it. They shared a few on-stage kisses and Josh wondered if that was weird for Ricardo to watch. Dee had talked about the play a lot while training him at the gym and he told him that he brought this very subject up with his boyfriend and was given the green light. Ricardo had always been mature, although Josh spent little time with him. He used to pick Drake up for band practices sometimes or drop him off. When Drake was in the hospital, Ricardo stayed by his side the entire time. He was a good friend and, according to Dee, a great boyfriend. Back when Dee told Josh about no longer being single, he never connected the dots. He was told the new guy was named Ricardo, but back when he knew Ricardo, he hadn't come out yet. If he had put the pieces together, he probably could've reconnected with Drake sooner, but it was probably best this way considering that his step-brother had informed him of a recent relapse. That would've most likely broken things apart even further.

Dee was really good and Josh had to admit that Drake was a natural up there as well. Sadly, his brother's characters dealt with subject matter he was probably all too familiar with. Once the love song was over, a spotlight shined on a busy woman who was having three different phone calls at once. He heard Mrs. Hayfer chuckle quietly to herself next to him. She came in right at the last minute, so he didn't get to catch up much with her besides a quick hello. He didn't get the chance to talk to Audrey and Megan either because they were running late as well due to Kenzly's friend's car breaking down on her when it was time for her to head over to the trailer to babysit. Josh — being Josh — was thirty-five minutes early.

The stage went dark for a couple seconds, then the spotlight returned, shining on a group of homeless people singing about how their Christmas wasn't so merry. Another light shown, this time on Drake, who was on the opposite side of the stage. He carried a bucket and squeegee and chanted about "honest living." The homeless went on with their carol, saying that the Holiday Inn refused to allow them to stay despite the fact that it was beginning to snow. Once that line was said, the stage came alive with movement.

Alice remembered Drake telling her that this was one of his favorites, but he said that about a lot of the songs. There was so much going on. At first, the attention was drawn to Angel buying Collins a coat from one of the homeless, then it moved to Roger pointing Mimi out to his friend Mark. After that, a group of junkies, Drake included, approached a drug dealer and begged for a fix. It saddened her to watch.

Junkies: Follow the man, follow the man
With his pockets full of the jam
Follow the man, follow the man
Help me out, Daddy, if you can

Got any D, man?
Dealer: I'm cool
Junkies: Got any C, man?
Dealer: I'm cool
Junkies: Got any X?
Any smack?
Any horse?
Any joogie boogie boy?
Any blow?

She couldn't imagine the things that he had put his mother through, but she was sure that Audrey was just glad to have him back in her life. The fact that he was clean was a plus, but what Drake never understood was that his mom would've accepted him even if he wasn't.

Mrs. Hayfer was so proud of his decision to return home. As a mother who had lost a son, she knew just how ecstatic Mrs. Nichols must've been to see him. She was happy that she got another chance with her baby boy. Alice hadn't been so lucky. She was excited for Drake, too. He was going home a different person — a better person. He had something to show for himself. He had made a ton of progress even though he sometimes didn't see it. He had such a bright future ahead of him if he could stay on the right path and she didn't doubt that he would with all the support he had around him.

It was still crazy to think about sometimes. The student she had hated the most turned out to be the one whose life she had made the biggest difference in. She hadn't felt like she'd made a big impression in any way the last couple of years and it seemed as though all of her hard work and dedication was for nought. Drake reminded her why she had become a teacher in the first place. He resparked her love for her job. School was beginning next week and she was confident and prepared. She was going to change lives, just like she had done for Drake. Just like Drake had done for her.

---

Drake couldn't describe the strong feeling within his body that had him grinning from ear to ear and practically bouncing with excitement. The play was over and the audience gave them a standing ovation and clapped and cheered for, like, five minutes and Drake had so, so, so much fun. He hadn't felt this way in a long time. He wasn't quite ready to put a name on it, but if he were to guess, maybe this is what happiness felt like.

Everything was going right for him lately. The musical went off without a hitch despite all the turmoil just hours before the play. He had reunited with his mom and she was watching him perform something that they used to watch together all the time. He was in his daughter's life now and, despite all the negative and cautious emotions he'd harbored about having a child, he loved her to death already and she was beginning to accept him. On top of that, he was clean, Julio was sober and they were best friends again. Everything was perfect. His life was finally beginning to turn around.

Dee opened the back door of the theatre and spotted Drake pacing back and forth. "I thought I'd find you here."

The young man exhaled and smoke left his lips. He couldn't stop smiling and it was contagious. "I just needed a cigarette really quick," he said.

Dee looked down and saw three butts squished into the asphalt. "You've been gone for a minute. Everyone was looking for you to say bye. They're about to head out. I think they're going to Golden Corral."

The young man put out his cigarette and placed the unfinished half back in the box, then he followed the man inside. He was led to a room filled with noise and chatter and, when he entered, he was congratulated and hugged and complimented. He'd felt so insecure about himself the first several rehearsals, but now he felt like...like he actually did fit in. Catalina got everyone's attention and did a nice speech, then she reminded everyone to be on time for their performance tomorrow. Afterwards, everyone left. Drake was riding with Dee since Ricardo went to pick up the food and Julio rode with Audrey so that he could unlock the door and let everyone inside. Mrs. Hayfer and Dee's parents followed in their own cars.

When the two boys got there, the driveway was full and they had to park on the curb. Ricardo had just recently arrived and was getting out of his car, so Drake and Dee helped him get the food. They got KFC and Julio had hopefully remembered to heat up the oven so that Dee could cook his vegetarian chicken patties that he kept in their freezer.

"You guys were so great." Ricardo learned in and gave his boyfriend a kiss. "Super convincing. Almost had me in tears when Angel died."

"Yeah, I don't think Drake was acting," Dee said.

"It gets me every time. I'm just trying not to start crying when he dies during the sex song."

"The funeral was really sad," Ricky said, then he turned to his boyfriend. "That song you sang that was a slowed down version of the upbeat love song from earlier — oh my god, that was beautiful."

Drake nodded his agreement. "Definitely my second favorite song. You hit that one note — that one that always got me fucked up during rehearsals — and then I always forget that it's not real."

"Thanks," Dee said appreciatively. He was carrying the least, so he opened the door.

"Food's here," Julio announced when he saw them.

Of course he would be more concerned about the food than the stars of the night. They took the buckets and cups to the kitchen and set them on the island, then Audrey immediately pulled her son into a hug.

"You were so great," she said. "I'm so proud of you."

His heart melted upon hearing those words. He buried his face deeper into her neck as he felt his eyes burn with tears. "Thanks, Mom." He squeezed her tighter and felt comfort when she did the same back. Once he was sure he wouldn't cry, he pulled away. "I'm glad you came."

"Of course, sweetheart."

"Hey," came an attention-seeking voice from next to him and he recognized it immediately.

Drake turned to her. "Megan?!"

She just smiled at his surprise.

"Oh my god." Nope, he was definitely going to cry now. "Oh my god," was pretty much all he could say. Finally, he managed, "You're so tall."

"Are you gonna cry?" she teased.

"Shut up," but he laughed through his tears. "Are you mad at me or...?"

She could see that he wanted to hug her, so she stepped forwards and wrapped her arms around him.

"I've missed you so much," he said. "I'm sorry I left—"

"We can talk about that later. Right now, let's celebrate."

When she pulled away, Drake wiped his eyes. His mom greeted Dee and praised his performance as he approached. Based on their conversation, it sounded like they both went to the same church and even spoke sometimes, but were surprised that either one knew Drake. Dee introduced Audrey and her son to his parents and Mrs. Nichols introduced the Christensens to Megan. Dee's parents were very friendly and they complimented Drake just as much as Audrey had complimented Dee. Mrs. Hayfer helped Ricardo set out plates and napkins and drinks and cups while Julio grabbed his and Drake's computer chairs from upstairs so that more people could be seated. Everyone grabbed a plate and piled it with food while Dee got his chicken patties out of the oven. The four oldest sat, as well as Megan since they were all guests. Drake hopped up onto the counter to give his aching feet a rest. Julio leaned next to him while Ricardo and Dee set their plates on the island and stood next to one another. They were all in a big, slightly deformed circle and they spent the next hour or so discussing the musical, talking about their day or week and sharing stories. Despite only knowing two out of the other seven guests here, Dee's parents fit in well. They were the first to leave, followed by Mrs. Hayfer about ten minutes after. Ricardo offered to walk her out to her car, but Audrey stood and said she'd do it. She'd been wanting to have a private conversation with her all night, so now was her chance. She just wanted to offer her appreciation and gratitude for being there for her son, who claimed that she had saved his life. She wanted her to know how thankful she was.

Alice was very humble about it and complimented Drake's progress. When she saw the boy's mother begin to cry, she couldn't help but imagine if Audrey had been the one to bargain for his life in the motel room. It was an image even she couldn't get out of her head sometimes. A young man had almost died right in front of her. All she could do was helplessly watch as he was beaten, as he was drowned, as he was sexually assaulted. After saving him, she'd wanted to stay as far away from him as possible. She pitied him, but she also hated him, then she felt guilty about hating him after what he had gone through — not just that night, but his entire teenage life. She couldn't handle the mixed emotions, which is why she told him to leave her alone that day he was waiting for her outside of the school. However, just two months later, their paths crossed again in the truck stop bathroom. Something inside her changed that day. Back in high school, he acted carefree and indifferent and it was so convincing that she'd still seen him that way even after hearing about what his father had done to him. It was when she saw him laying in her arms unconscious that she actually saw him as a person who had feelings. His disrespect had always been a coping mechanism so that he wouldn't feel so weak and powerless. His lashing out had been a cry for help that everyone missed. Drake had wanted to die so badly that he hid somewhere he thought no one would find him. He'd begged her to let him die. Had she not been there, he probably would have died and the woman standing before her would be without a son. She knew all too well how that felt. She was happy that Audrey got another chance.

When they finished talking, Audrey headed back inside and helped clean up despite Ricardo telling her he could do it. She wasn't taking no for an answer, so he gave in.

"Ricky, have you seen my cigarettes?" Drake asked. He had a habit of smoking after dinner and pretty much every other meal.

"No. When's the last place you had them?"

He tried to think back to the last time he'd smoked. It was right after the play. He got them out of his bag and chain-smoked until Dee summoned him. They didn't fit in his skinny jeans, so he set the pack down. "I think I left them at the theatre."

"You can have one of mine," his mother offered.

"It's okay. I have another pack upstairs." He ascended the staircase.

He didn't mind smoking one of Audrey's, but she didn't smoke menthol. It was Marlboro Red and he wasn't a fan of those, but he would've accepted it had he not had anything else.

When he entered his room, his cats immediately started circling his feet. He spoke to them as he went over to his dresser and searched for the unopened pack. Macaulay jumped onto the dresser, blocking much of his view. Drake hissed when Agent Jack Bauer climbed up his pants, his claws digging into the boy's leg. He intervened before she got to the crotch area. He learned his lesson already about letting them around there when their claws were out. He reached down and picked up his baby, then petted her coat. Agent Jack Bauer rubbed the top of her head against Drake's chin, so he kissed her fur. Meanwhile, Macaulay was bumping against his arm, so he gave her attention and a kiss.

"Can I come in?" he heard suddenly and it honestly scared him a little. He looked towards his door and saw Megan standing there.

"Yeah," he said.

She did, but instead of approaching him, she walked towards the center of the room and looked around, examining everything. It felt like a long time before she spoke. "I've gotta say, it's not as cool as your old room."

"Yeah, I guess not."

He was nervous, but he couldn't explain why. His mom forgave him, but he blew it with Josh, so he felt like maybe she was judging him and his things to figure out what side of the fence she would land on.

"Look, I'm sorry I left," he started whether this was the right time for that or not. "I'm sorry about that whole night."

"Kinda dumb getting involved with those people," she said, turning to him now.

He hung his head. "I know." He wished he could tell her that he hadn't done anything so stupid since, but he couldn't — not honestly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt."

"I know."

Unlike the rest of the family, she never doubted his love. He proved it when he offered fellacio to spare Josh a couple bruises and when he put himself in between a gun and the baby he never wanted. She didn't need to see these things to know he loved his family, though. Unlike the others, she'd witnessed some of the abuse he'd suffered, though. If dad had done those things to her, she probably would've thrown her life away to drugs and abandoned her disapproving family, too.

"I didn't borrow that money for drugs." He'd never had the chance to explain this before and it always bothered him. Drake took a seat on his bed and his sister sat down on the foot of it, folding one leg underneath the other. "It was for me and Meelah. We were gonna move to New York — get a fresh start. I just had to get away from everything...from this place, you know? After she died, I couldn't get myself to go without her. I didn't feel like it was fair to go through with our plans and have a better life while she was six feet under the dirt. When I couldn't get away physically...I guess I resorted to getting away mentally. That's when I started using again and it was more often than I ever had before. What I didn't spend on drugs and alcohol and whatever else I bought while I was high, I gave to Josh for wrecking the car. I got kicked out a week later, then the dealer who let me borrow the money had his guys threaten me and I started paying him off a little at a time, but it got harder and harder and I kept coming up short. I tried everything I could think of to get the money, but it was just too much. I just..." It sounded asinine now to borrow from a dealer, even if it was Meelah's brother's friend of many years. He'd just been so desperate to escape the city that had turned him into an addict and rape victim. "It probably doesn't make much of a difference, but I just need you to know that I did have good intentions at first."

"So where'd you go?" she asked him.

"I, um..." He debated how much he should tell her. He definitely didn't want to go into detail, but he knew if he gave some vague response, she'd see past his bullshit. He decided that refusing to answer was the best choice for now. "It doesn't matter. I'm here now."

"I didn't even get the chance to say bye."

"I'm know. I'm sorry."

"You blocked me on Facebook."

He closed his eyes with regret. "I'm know. I'm sorry." Drake sighed. "I'm a jerk."

"Yeah, a big one."

"I know."

"You didn't have to block me. You could've just ignored my messages or unfollowed me. At least I would've still gotten to see your stuff and know that you were alive."

"I didn't want you to see me like that. When I left...it wasn't pretty." Vague, it is.

"Unblock me," Megan demanded. It wasn't rude, but it carried an authority that her older brother wasn't brave enough to disobey.

"Yeah, okay. Um..." He pulled his cell phone out and opened Facebook. "I just... Lemme figure it out real quick." Despite his age, he wasn't exactly tech savvy. He could do the basics, but it was always Julio, Ricardo or Dahlia going in to block people or toggle with location sharing.

"Hand it to me."

Drake relinquished his phone and hoped she was no longer a snoop like she was when they were younger. He had nudes on there, but she wouldn't find them unless she opened Clementine's text messages. Hers were the only ones he had for a long time. There had been a few girls on Facebook who sent some without permission, but Clem would always block them, then cuss Drake out and punish him with the silent treatment, physical harm, or a break from any and all sexual activity.

"Here." She passed it back and pulled out her own phone to accept the friend request she'd sent to herself from Drake. "I unblocked Mom, too."

"Thanks." He looked at his phone and saw that it was still on the screen to unblock people. He unblocked Josh, then all the girls that Dahlia had blocked. When he saw Walter's name, he paused and thought it over. He didn't mind being Facebook friends with him, but he wasn't sure that his step-father — former step-father? — wanted the troublesome boy back in his life again. He decided to go ahead and unblock him, but he didn't send the friend request like he had to Josh. He wondered if his mom's ex husband even had any idea that Drake was back.

"Cute," Megan said teasingly as she turned her phone towards him so that he could see what she was looking at. It was a photo Ricardo had tagged him in — the one where he and Julio spent the night in his blanket fort with his cats curled up around them. It hadn't bothered him at first, but now he felt a little childish, especially when he saw the numerous likes, comments and laugh reacts. He loved the picture, but it was one of those memories that belonged to him and not all of Facebook.

"It was a prank war," he explained. "It's been going on forever."

"I hope you got him back."

"We stuck waxing strips on his leg while he slept."

"Nice." She lifted her hand for a high five and he gave her one, which made him feel warm inside.

"I learned from the best."

"Yeah, but I never did that."

"You definitely did," he said. "Twice."

"Oh, for real?" She was pleased with herself. "I guess I've tortured you guys so much that I forgot everything I've done."

"You've must've really given Josh hell when you had no one left to prank but him."

"Yeah," she said with a mischievous smirk, "but don't worry. I've had three years to plan really good pranks for you."

"Lucky me," he said sarcastically. Despite how much he always hated them, he wouldn't trade them for anything if it meant that he had his little sister back in his life. "Go easy on me. I'm really sensitive."

"We'll see." Megan shrugged, then stood. "Hey, where's the bathroom?"

"Just take a left and it's the first door across the hall." Before she could leave, he stopped her. "Hey, um, maybe one day when you're not busy...we could hang out?" He couldn't remember the last time they had hung out together. Even when he was on good terms with everyone, he never really spent quality time with her and he'd regretted that after Walter shunned him and the realization set in that he'd never get to see her again.

"You want me to spend time with you? Hmm..." She pretended to mull this over in her head. "I don't know... You'll buy me a milkshake?"

He chuckled. "Yes, I will buy you a milkshake."

"Eh, I guess I could hang out with you then."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm glad to see you're still a pain in the ass."

"I'm not. I'm actually really nice now. I can even give you a compliment. Wanna hear one? You're one of my favorite brothers. Definitely in my top two for sure. Probably number two, but it's still up there."

"Okay, you know what?" He pulled out his phone. "You're getting blocked again."

Megan laughed. "Yeah, in ten years when you finally figure out how to do it." She was right; he couldn't even pull up the right screen to pretend he was going to do it.

"Get out."

Megan grinned with satisfaction knowing she had won. To be even more annoying, she spied the pack of cigarettes Drake had been looking on the dresser for and knocked them onto the floor before she left.

The young man stood, then picked them up and headed downstairs. "Mom, can I borrow your lighter?" He'd left his with his pack and any other one he might've had was lost. He always lost them.

"Yeah. I'll join you." She moved over to the sink and began washing her hands.

"Mrs. Nichols," Julio started, "do you wanna take home any leftovers before I put everything in the fridge?"

"I better take something home to Kenzly in case she hasn't eaten. Just a second, Drake."

The boy sat down in one of the bar stools as his mother made a plate. He reached into a Styrofoam cup to pick up a macaroni noodle with his fingers and Audrey smacked his hand. It caught him off guard and he pulled back immediately like he'd burned himself on a hot stove. It was something that used to happen to him back when he had a mom in his life. It felt good to be around her again. It was the little things like this that he missed.

"Use silverware, Drake," she scolded.

Just then, a cat jumped up onto the island and ran straight for the food.

"Shit!" slipped out of the young man's mouth. He quickly grabbed it, then the other leaped up and this one knocked over a can of soda.

Ricardo caught this one, but just barely. "Drake!"

"Sorry, I think I left my door open."

After smelling the food and getting so close to having a taste, the cats weren't willing to go back to their room without a fight, so he couldn't carry both at once. Dee took the animal from his boyfriend and held her against his chest. When Ricardo turned around to get the napkins, Drake quickly reached into the KFC bucket and pulled out a piece of chicken, then he hurried up the stairs with Dee in tow.

"Ooh, Drake's giving the cats human food again!" Julio said loudly. He knew his brother didn't like it because then they would stare at him pitifully whenever he tried to eat.

"No, I'm not! Shut up!"

In the time it took Drake to put his cats in his room, break apart the stolen piece of chicken and head back into the kitchen, his mom was finished making Kenzly's plate, so the two smokers headed outside and lit up.

"Thanks," the boy said as he passed the lighter back. After a couple drags, he finally got the nerve to ask, "So Josh didn't wanna come?" It didn't come out as casually as he'd hoped.

"He said it was late and that he had to get back home." She offered a reassuring smile to let him know that it had nothing to do with Drake, but she knew otherwise and her son did, too, although he dropped the subject. "Dee's a nice guy. I'm so happy for him and Ricardo."

"He's super nice," said Drake. "He's one of the coolest people I've ever met. We kinda got off to a rocky start because I was a hot mess when they first got together. Like..." He didn't know how to explain the severity of his actions without actually describing them. "I was acting crazy and I did something — a couple things — that were pretty bad and had a negative impact on him. A few days into Rent rehearsals, I apologized because it was getting awkward seeing him everyday and we worked everything out. There was this one director that hated me. She would embarrass me in front of everyone and say a lot of hurtful things to me in private. The other directors didn't believe me, so I was gonna quit, but then Dee busts in there and sets everyone straight and stood up for me and it was really nice."

"He sounds like a wonderful friend."

She really liked the way Drake's relationships were set up. He shared a house with two brothers and they all constantly reassured one another and had each other's backs and Dee was like part of the family. He took part in taking care of Drake when he could and, for that, Audrey was grateful.

"When did Ricardo come out?" she asked.

"Pretty recently actually. About five months ago. He was really secretive about it, but we caught him coming home late and when he said the name Dee, Julio and I just assumed it was a girl, but then I came downstairs one morning and found this strange guy making coffee in our kitchen and he introduced himself as Dee."

"I always hoped he would have the courage to embrace his true self."

"You knew?" the young man asked with surprise.

"For a long time. Remember that twenty-year-old guy who was in your band for a short time? The one I didn't approve of because he was five years older than you and I caught him giving you pot?"

"I remember." He certainly did. It happened right before his weekend at his dad's, which just so happened to be one Megan would miss due to a class field trip where she stayed the entire weekend. After Audrey told his father that he was grounded and informed him why, Drake was forced to endure absolute hell over the course of those two days.

"One day, you were all in the living room watching tv while I was making snacks. Everyone was being rowdy and I kept having to remind you to keep it down. I saw the way Ricardo looked at that guy and that's when I knew."

"Wow, I had no idea." In a way, Drake could relate. He knew what it was like feeling like you had to hide who you were in order to be accepted. He used to always fear what would happen if his secret got out and it was just as bad as he'd always expected for a while, but things were starting to get better.

"I'm glad he's finally happy. Dee seems like a very trustworthy guy."

"For sure. He knows all about my baggage and he's really cool about it."

Around this time, Audrey finished up her cigarette. She smashed the burning end into the collection of ashes, then Drake went over and did the same. "I guess Megan and I need to head on home."

He didn't want her to go, but he knew that she couldn't stay and he definitely couldn't go with her to that house and stay. "Are you doing anything tomorrow?" the young man asked.

"I have to work. Why?"

"I was just wondering if I could come over to see Charlie."

"Sure, of course. Kenzly will be there and Megan, too, probably."

"What time do you get off?"

"Three," she said. "I get home around four."

He had to be at the theatre by five forty-five to get ready for their seven o'clock show, which didn't leave him much time considering he'd have to give himself enough time to drive there. Plus, if Charlie was taking a late nap, then he'd completely miss her.

Audrey saw his dilemma. "It'll be fine. Kenzly's not as angry as you think."

"She wouldn't even look at me yesterday."

"She just wants you to acknowledge that you hurt her feelings," the woman said. "She was your best friend. I know she misses you."

Drake opened the door for her and let her go inside first. "Could you maybe subtly ask if she'd mind. I can just come by at four—"

"I'll ask. Megan, you almost ready sweetie?" she called.

"Yeah," came from the kitchen. On her way to the foyer, she grabbed the chocolate chip cookie out of Julio's hand and took it with her.

Dee grinned at Julio's bewilderment, then disappointment. He turned around and got another cookie from the sleeve.

"I'm really glad you came tonight," Drake said.

"Of course. I'm happy to've been invited. I had so much fun. I loved watching you perform."

"She cried, like, the whole time," her daughter tattled.

The young man smiled. Ricardo approached with Kenzly's dinner and the other two boys trailed behind him to see the ladies off.

"Don't forget your food."

"Thank you," Audrey said as she accepted it, "and thanks so much for inviting us into your home. She gave him a hug, then gave one to Julio. After that, she even pulled Dee in for a warm embrace. "I'm glad I got to see you perform. I'll see you Sunday morning."

"You, too."

Lastly, she went over to her son and squeezed him tight, then kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll see you tomorrow."

They all said their goodbyes as Julio got the door for them.

"Bye, Megan," Drake said. "I love you."

The girl rolled her eyes. She wasn't used to sibling affection and it just felt awkward and strange to be outward with her emotions like that, but she couldn't leave him hanging. After going three years not knowing if he was alive or dead, she regretted all the times she never assured him that he was important to her. "Love you." It came out bratty, which is why the Santos brothers grinned. They knew how much she hated being nice and civil towards her older brother.

"Aw, isn't that adorable? She loves you, Drake," Julio teased in a high-pitched voice. This earned laughs and embarrassed the girl even more, so she grabbed his cookie, but instead of eating it, this time, she dropped it on the floor and stomped on it. Julio's jaw dropped and he scoffed. He was left speechless as Megan descended the porch steps and met her mom at the car. When the shock wore off and he could speak, his voice was soft and broken like that of an upset child. "She smashed my cookie."

"You thought she was just gonna let you get away with that?" Drake ask with a grin. "I'm surprised that's all she did. I'd sleep with one eye open if I were you."

"What's up?" Dee asked his boyfriend.

"She's a major prankster," Ricardo said as he led the group to the kitchen for dessert.

"That's an understatement," Drake said. "She's literally tortured me ever since she came out of the womb."

Julio was still pouting. "She smashed my cookie."

Drake grabbed the broom and dustpan and swept it up, then dumped it in the trash.

"Just get another one," Ricky said.

"That was the last one."

"Rip," his friend said.

"Stop saying rip."

"Oof," Drake said, using another one of the boy's least favorite words. "Rip." He took a seat in one of the stools next to Julio.

"I'll make you some ice cream," Ricky offered his sad brother. "Which do you want?"

"Strawberry, but I'm not gonna be happy about it."

"...rip..."

"Dude, shut up!"

"Ow!" Drake exclaimed when his shin was kicked. "Rude!"

None of this phased Ricardo. He acted as if this was an everyday occurrence and it pretty much was. "Babe?"

"All three."

"Drake?"

"Nah, I'm good. I'm gonna go to bed soon. I'm worn out."

"You driving tomorrow or what?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna go to my mom's and hang out with Charlie. Gem and Sawyer wanted to get food and head over to the theatre together, but I don't really think I'll feel like it."

"They're going tomorrow?" Ricky asked.

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm sure Gemini will really enjoy himself when he gets to see you in that one song where you're grinding on the fence. I enjoyed that entire choreography quite a bit myself."

"That makes one of us," Julio spoke up. "Imagine trying to watch that sitting next to Megan."

"Oof," Drake said again. "Fuck, I didn't even think about that. You guys should've told me she was coming. I would've toned it down a few notches."

"Don't start getting paranoid about it," Dee said. "You do that and you're gonna mess up tomorrow. You were great and it was super fucking hot."

"I agree," Ricky said.

The compliments made him smile and boosted his confidence. "Thanks."

The room went quiet for a moment as Ricardo continued scooping ice cream. He passed Julio his, then got to work on his and Dee's bowls.

Drake was the first to break the silence. "This has probably been, like...the best week of my life."

The oldest smiled at him. "Good." He was genuinely happy that things seemed to be turning around for his friend.

"That reminds me," Dee started. "I meant to ask how things went yesterday. You met your daughter?"

Before Drake could speak, Julio groaned, then slid out of the stool. "Not this again. I'm going to bed."

This made his best friend laugh. "Oof. ...Ow! Fuck, dude!" He reached down and massaged his throbbing shin.

Once Julio was gone, he started telling Dee about Charlie. He tried to tone back his enthusiasm and not repeat things over and over, but the man seemed genuinely interested. He only gave himself five minutes to gush, then he excused himself and went to bed. He was exhausted and ready to pass out. He didn't even bother to put on pajamas. He just pulled off his shirt and pants and curled up underneath the comforter.

---

Drake was nervous as he waited for the door to open. He saw Kenzly the other day for a brief moment, but other than that, he hasn't spoken to her since he kicked her out. He owed her the hugest apology and he was ready to let that be the first thing out of his mouth, but when she opened the door, she didn't give him any time to speak.

"Let me get her shoes on. I'll bring her out back."

"O-okay." He didn't even get the word out before the door was closed.

He descended the steps of the tiny porch, then went around to the backyard. He was glad his mom told her that he wasn't comfortable going inside. If he'd had to mention it, then it would've been an awkward reminder of the things that had happened to him here. It was something that he'd never discussed before with her. She knew about it and he was okay with her knowing, but that was it. It's not that she was uncomfortable or weird about it. Kenzly was always waiting for him to bring it up first and he never did, so she assumed he didn't want to talk about it with her, which was kind of true. He didn't know why he didn't want to. He could talk about it with Ricardo or Julio or Dahlia, but not her. He never wanted to tell Dahlia either honestly, but his past had been coming in between them a lot and she'd deserved an explanation.

When Kenzly opened the back door and stepped out, Drake got a better look at her. She wore sweats and a loose band tee, no make-up and her hair was in a messy bun. Her appearance told the boy that she couldn't care less what he thought and that his opinion didn't matter to her. Of course, she never needed any of that stuff to be pretty, nor did she need Drake's approval. He just noticed she wasn't trying to impress him to make him jealous like other girls would've done. Simply no fucks were given whether or not they made up was the vibe he was getting from her.

When he saw his mini-me exit the house, he couldn't help but smile. He squatted down to her height. "Hey, Charlie."

"Hi, Daddy." Her face lit up and his heart melted. She tried to take the stairs faster than she actually could, but Kenzly was holding her hand so that she wouldn't fall. Once she was let go, she ran over to Drake and hugged him.

The young man squeezed her back and it took everything in him to keep himself from crying. "Hey, baby." He took comfort in her teeny tiny embrace. "I missed you."

"Look!" She pulled away, then picked up a piece of her hair, which was braided.

"Wow, your hair's so pretty!" he said. "You have a braid!"

"Keely did it!"

"Keely?" He sat down on his bottom now, cross-legged.

Her babysitter spoke up. "She's back and forth between Keely and Kenny because she can't pronounce the z yet." This made Drake smile.

"And look! Look at this, Daddy!" She backed up as if she were about to do the greatest trick of all time, then...she jumped, and to Drake, that was the greatest trick of all time.

"Wow, look at you! You can jump really high!"

Charlie excitedly jumped some more, then she ran over to Kenzly and reached for the Tupperware bowl full of strawberries. She put her hand in and grabbed one, then ran back over to Drake and sat down in his lap without a word. Kenzly handed the father the bowl of fruit, then dragged the bucket of toys over to them before sitting down at the patio table.

He felt really awkward and he knew he'd continue to feel that way unless he addressed what had happened between himself and Kenzly. However, he didn't want to plow into that conversation head-on. "How have you been?" he asked her as he looked over at her.

"Alright. You?"

"Same." So there went that topic. He had to come up with a new one. "So you've been babysitting for a while?"

"Yep."

More silence. He couldn't keep beating around the bush. "Look, I'm sorry about—"

"It's okay. We're cool. We can talk about it later." She said that they were cool and this filled him with hope. Maybe this friendship could be mended after all. "Just spend time with your daughter," she continued. "Don't mind me. Your mom just said I have to supervise."

He wasn't hurt or offended by this at all. In fact, he felt comfort knowing that someone else was there in case things took a sudden bad turn...like now, for instance. Charlie started coughing hard and her face went red in seconds.

"Are you okay?" Drake's heart started pounding and he immediately wanted to curl up and block it all out like it wasn't happening. If he closed his eyes and covered his ears, then he could get himself out of just about any situation. However, he couldn't do that now — not when he was responsible for someone else's life. He patted her back in hopes that this would knock the food that was lodged in her throat out, but it didn't. "I don't know what to do!" he said, clearly in distress as his child gasped for breath.

Kenzly was already on her way. Despite her urgency, it was obvious that she'd dealt with this before. She stuck her finger in Charlie's mouth and dug out the half-chewed strawberry. The girl regained oxygen and her face gradually went back to its original color.

"Are you okay?" Kenzly asked. "You want some juice?"

Charlie nodded, so she disappeared inside. Drake watched as the toddler picked up another strawberry and bit into it as if she hadn't just almost died.

"You okay?" he asked, petting her hair.

Her back was to him since she was sitting in his lap, but she nodded anyway. About a minute later, Kenzly came back outside with a Yo Gabba Gabba! juice cup. She gave it to Charlie, then sat back down.

"Thanks," Drake said. "I was freaking out."

"I saw," the girl replied.

"I just...I don't really know what to do."

"You'll learn. I'm sure instinct would've kicked in had I not stepped in. You just kinda have to figure things out as they come. Every new parents goes through it. You'll get the hang of it."

"Here, Daddy." Charlie picked up a strawberry, then held it out to Drake, who took it.

"Thank you."

"Eat it."

He did.

"Do you like it?" she asked.

"Yeah, I like strawberries. Do you like it?"

"Yeah. It's yummy." She gave him another one.

---

"Okay, she's asleep," Kenzly said as she left the door cracked and headed down the steps. "She was really fighting it this time. She wanted to play with you."

This made Drake smile. He knew Charlie had been tired when she stopped playing with her toys and instead sat in his lap, curled against his chest and watched him play. He would've liked to've been the one to put her down for a nap, but he wasn't ready to enter that house yet. Maybe next time.

The girl sat down in one of the patio chairs. She'd brought her cigarettes out with her because she'd known that Drake was smoking. She pulled one out and lit it. "She really likes you."

This made him feel good. It was just a little over a week ago that Josh was judging him for abandoning his daughter, but now here he was mending things and trying to build a relationship. He wondered if this would make Josh proud or if his step-brother would just get annoyed at how easily everyone, Charlie included, had forgiven him. When they were teens, Drake used to get away with a lot more than he should've. Josh was never so lucky and he was jealous of that fact. Now Drake was clean, his mom had forgiven him, Megan understood him, Charlie loved him, and Mrs. Hayfer was one of his best friends. His life was pretty much perfect right now. He finally had stability and success. He got back all the things in a matter of weeks that it had taken his brother years to build.

"So..." Drake started, then he took a drag on his cigarette to stall. He wasn't sure if she was mad or not, but she didn't seem too mad. Still, he could never be too sure because of course she wasn't about to walk out here throwing a hissy fit in front of Charlie. "I owe you an apology."

"Don't."

In addition to the fact that they both grew up trailer trash with shitty home lives, Kenzly was like him when it came to apologies. She didn't like hearing them. He wasn't sure why exactly because it probably wasn't for the same reason. For him, he'd had to say sorry so many times in his life that being on the other end of it felt wrong. Plus, he hated making others feel guilty, although sometimes they should. Verbally apologizing and admitting fault was swallowing pride and he didn't have enough of that to spare. Just because he did it often, it didn't mean that it got any easier. He assumed everyone felt that way about saying sorry and he didn't want them to have to do that for him. He was okay with silent acknowledgement and proof with behavioral changes.

"I know you hate apologies, but...I really fucked up. I was really rude and kicking you out when you had nowhere to go was... I knew exactly what that felt like and I still did it to you and I shouldn't have. I'm a jerk."

"I was angry at the time," she admitted, "but after a while, I thought about it and I started to understand. Obviously, you can't have a girlfriend while living in the same house as your ex girlfriend. Of course she was intimidated by me." She smirked and this made Drake chuckle. "So where is she at today?" she voiced, but what she was really asking was if they were still together.

"We broke up."

She hated Dahlia, so she was glad that Drake was no longer taking that verbal and physical abuse from her. Still, she could tell he was sad about it, so she showed sympathy. "Sorry."

"It was probably for the best anyway."

She could tell that he wasn't so sure of his own words. "What happened?"

He couldn't help but let out an airy snort. "You want the short version or the long version?"

"I've got time for whichever one you wanna tell me."

He was quiet for a moment as he decided how much he wanted her to know. He was really embarrassed about the whole thing because everyone had warned him and he was too stupid to listen, so he wanted to tell her as little as possible. However, his relationship with Clem had a negative impact on Kenzly, so she deserved her "I told you so" moment.

"I moved out of Ricky's and stayed with her. She turned me against them. She made me believe all these lies and had me convinced that they hated me. A week later, I proposed. I guess I kinda just lost myself. Every morning, I would wake up and I would eat, sleep and breathe Clementine and nothing else." He had his head pointed towards the ground so he wouldn't have to look at her. "She was controlling me. She manipulated me and had me begging for her attention...and I never even noticed. I was such an idiot." He still felt like an idiot because he still wanted her back. "I found out that she'd been cheating the entire time we were together, so I left. I was under the assumption that Ricky hated me, so I couldn't go back there. Things got pretty bad..." He trailed off. Did he really want to confess that he'd attempted suicide over some girl everyone had warned him about? "I tried to kill myself," he admitted softly. "Obviously, it didn't work. I was in the hospital for a long time, then the mental hospital, then I relapsed for a while, but now things are okay."

When he was finished speaking, all she said was, "Shit."

"Yeah. I probably should've listened when you guys said she was no good. I guess karma came back to bite me in the ass for being so mean to you." Finally, Drake met her eyes. "I really am sorry. Are we okay?"

"Yeah, we're okay," said Kenzly. "Man, I wish I could've been there when you broke up with her. I imagine she didn't take that well?"

"Not at all. She locked me in her room and started hitting me."

"What did you do?"

"I finally stood up for myself. I told her she couldn't hit me anymore."

"Good for you." She said it with pride. "What'd she do after that?"

"She beat the shit out of me, then she kicked me out and threatened to call the cops because I pushed her off me."

"She's the fucking worst," Kenzly said.

"That's nothing," the boy said. "The second I got with someone else, Clem broke into her house, drugged her and got her fired from her job."

"What?!" Her jaw was dropped with shock. "That's fucking insane!"

"I know. Sometimes, when I'm out somewhere, I feel like she's following me. I don't know. It could all just be in my head. I just get this weird feeling sometimes, like I'm being watched."

"She's probably is stalking you. You don't need to ignore your gut instinct. Someone who takes it that far is capable of anything. She might even try to hurt you."

"It's probably nothing, though," Drake said. "If she wanted to talk to me that bad, she knows where I live."

The girl went quiet as she adsorbed all the new information. She couldn't believe how incredibly psycho Dahlia was. Kenzly had never liked her and always thought she was a crazy, overbearing bitch, but despite these feelings, she wouldn't have pegged her as someone who would stalk an ex and ruin every relationship he made after her.

"How on earth did she turn you against Ricardo and Julio?" she asked. "I mean, everything else is pretty fucking hard to believe, but this is just making absolutely no sense to me. You three were so tight."

"It was some complicated process where she blocked Ricky from my phone and then created a Facebook account under his name and sent me hate texts everyday. It was really mean stuff. Looking back, I should've known that he'd never do that. He's believed in me this whole time, even when no one else did — even when I didn't. I don't really know what happened. That time I was living with her kinda feels like a blur now. I was acting crazy and obsessive and desperate and I spent every second of everyday scared that I was gonna lose her. I still don't even understand what happened. Ricky said she put in a lot of work and planted a lot of seeds to have complete control of me, but...I don't know. I wanted to do those things. I wanted to make her happy." He went quiet for a moment, then he shrugged. "I guess whatever she did worked. Even after all of the shit she did, I still stick up for her and I still take all the blame." He lifted his feet and rested his heels on his seat so that his knees were pressed against his chest. He always felt more emotionally comforted when he was curled up this way. "Pathetic, right?"

"Eh. Yeah, kinda, but I haven't done any better," she said. "I was with this complete jerk for a while and I even stayed when he started hitting me. Your mom noticed the bruises I was trying to hide and she had this long conversation with me and I don't know. It just dawned on me right then or something that I didn't have to take his shit. I spent all this time trying to avoid it, but I ended up becoming my mom."

Drake related to this. He spent so much of his life trying not to follow in his dad's footsteps, but he was becoming more and more like him everyday. "You're not your mom."

Kenzly looked at him and shrugged. "What do you know? You haven't seen me in over a year."

"Because you walked away from him," her old bestie said, "and that's something your mom could never do."

He was right and his words comforted her, but she didn't say that. They went back to a comfortable silence as they both lit up another cigarette. She was the first to speak up.

"I guess we both struck out when it comes to relationships."

"Turns out I'm pretty shit at them."

"Me, too."

"Yeah," he agreed.

"Hey!" She scoffed.

"I mean, you said it! I'm just agreeing with you! And like, I mean, come on. We were together for, like, two seconds and you were already tired of me. You always break up with guys because you say they're not your type, but maybe you're just not the relationship type. Like, because how am I not your type? I'm everyone's type."

Kenzly grinned at the return of his old confidence. It definitely lightened the tone of their conversation, which was probably his intended purpose.

"I see you're still hung up on me," she said and Drake rolled his eyes. "Don't worry. You still have a chance. We've got that pact, remember?"

Actually, he'd completely forgotten about it until now. When they were younger and high on marijuana, they both decided that, if neither were in a serious, committed relationship by the age of thirty, they would get married to each other to avoid loneliness. At the time, he'd been serious about it and, honestly, he was still down for that if she was. He wasn't going to voice this, though.

"Are you talking about our suicide pact?" This one was more of an inside joke spawned from an episode of their favorite show. "I kinda don't think I could do that again because...well, apparently, I'm not really good at it."

"I'm talking about our marriage pact, dum-dum."

"Wow. Dum-dum, huh? You're total wifey material. You really know how to boost a guy's self-esteem."

"I've been practicing," she said facetiously. "All these wimpy guys come crying to me all the time about getting their little feelings hurt and they want me to stroke their ego a bit. There was one guy — he was the worst. What was his name?" She squinted her eyes like she was in thought. "Drake, I think."

He rolled his eyes again. "Fuck you."

"My favorite was the time you cried because your mom wouldn't let you get your tongue pierced."

"First off, I did not cry. Second, that was high school. Why do you always bring that up?"

"Because it's my favorite memory of you. You climbed through my window crying—"

"I wasn't crying."

"—about your mom saying no, then I said I'd pierce it for you so you wouldn't need her signed permission, but you freaked out before I could even poke you with the needle, then you went back home and cried some more."

"I wasn't crying!"

"Well, I don't know what you call it, but I call it crying."

"And you weren't even doing it right. It was gonna be crooked and I didn't wanna have a crooked tongue ring for the rest of my life."

"Yeah, yeah." Everything Drake said was actually the truth, but Kenzly liked to fuck with him because she knew it got on his nerves. "In eight years, when we get married and have kids together, I'm gonna tell them about how you threw a temper tantrum because your mom wouldn't let you get your tongue pierced at fourteen years old."

"I don't know why you think you can make fun of me when you literally threw up on my dick the first time you ever tried to give a blowjob."

Instead of getting offended, Kenzly just laughed. "Oh my god! I did do that!" Her face went red and she cringed at the memory, then she laughed some more. "And then you sympathy-vomited!"

"I mean, who wouldn't?"

"What a good memory. Me and you...cleaning vomit together."

"That's not quite my definition of a good memory," he said.

Suddenly, the girl changed the conversation topic just as quick as a new one came to her. "Hey, did your mom slap you the other day?"

"You heard that?"

"Dude!" she exclaimed when it was confirmed. "It was so loud! I didn't even know you were here until I heard it." She replayed that moment in her mind, then quietly said, "Fuck, dude."

"Yeah, but I totally deserved it and she got all her anger out, which is good because now everything's okay between us. Everyone else kinda has this bitterness that they're holding onto, but they don't wanna show it because they don't want me to run off again."

"Like who?"

"Everyone. Josh, Megan...you."

"You can see that, huh?" She was usually a pretty straightforward person, so she didn't bother to deny it. "Does this mean I can slap you and get my anger out, too?" she joked.

"I'd rather you didn't."

"I mean, I do get why you made me go, but it still kinda hurt. Just give it time. I'm still totally glad you're back. It's just sudden and there're a bunch of mixed emotions, you know?"

"Yeah, I get it. I know I can't just show up and expect everyone to forgive me right off the bat, so take your time. Honestly, I'm surprised you've been so nice to me. I've been scared to face you after everything."

"Yeah, I could tell when you saw me. You thought I would kick your butt?"

This made him snort. "Yeah, right."

"Who do you think would win in a fight: me or Dahlia?"

He didn't have to put too much thought into it. Sure Clem was violent, but she used her brain and her mouth as better weapons. Kenzly wasn't usually aggressive, but she grew up in the trailer park and knew how to take care of herself when need be.

"You," the young man said.

"Exactly. I'd definitely beat Dahlia's ass and Dahlia can kick your ass, which means I'd totally be able to kick your ass."

If he actually wanted to, he could definitely win in a fight against both girls. He wasn't the strongest guy, but he beat the shit out of Coach Tad the day he sent him to meet Marcellas empty-handed. However, sticking up for himself wasn't something he was used to and violence wasn't something he had the heart for. Maybe if he applied himself more, he could actually beat the Santos brothers during a round of wrestling. It's not that he let them win. Both of them were definitely much stronger than him. He just never gave it his all for fear that it would release the monster within him — the one that was shaped a lot like his father. It didn't really matter if he tried his best or not, though, because once they got him pinned, he was completely incapable of getting free no matter how much he tried, which proved their superiority.

Drake let her have it. "I guess I can't argue with that logic."

"With what logic?" It was a new voice: Mrs. Nichols.

Kenzly answered her. "We're just trying to figure out which one of us would win in a fight?"

She wore a brown blouse and dress pants that matched the minimal, earthy-toned make-up on her face. She was beautiful. Drake was filled with love and affection when he saw her. He was so glad that he was able to hang out with his mom again. Even when he was living with her, he never really spent much time with her — not since the divorce and he became even scarcer in her life when he started using drugs. She always thought he held some sort of resentment towards her because she asked for the divorce. She couldn't have been further from the truth.

Audrey joined them at the patio table. She had a pack of cigarettes in her hand. She pulled one out and lit it. "My money would be on Kenzly."

"Hey!" Drake exclaimed and the other two laughed.

"Well, honey," she started, but she really had no explanation.

The young man picked up his pack and lit his third cigarette in a row. As he did this, the women chatted.

"Is Charlie napping?"

"Yeah," Kenzly said. "It hasn't been long since she fell asleep. She was really fighting it today."

Drive boy, dog boy
Dirty—

Drake pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen. Dee.

"Trainspotting," Kenzly said, recognizing the film that introduced her to this song. "Nice."

"Sorry. Just a sec." He pressed the green button, then put the phone to his ear. "Hey, what's up?"

"Where you at?"

"My mom's." It felt weird to call it that. In fact, he had to stop himself before he slipped up and said he was at his dad's house.

"When are you gonna be here?"

"Where?" he asked with confusion.

"The theatre," answered Dee. "Don't you remember? We're all supposed to get here at four today so we can go over everything from opening night."

"Oh, shit — I mean—" He glanced in his mother's direction and offered an apologetic expression. "I must not have been listening or something."

"Can you get here?"

"Yeah. I'll be there in, like, fifteen minutes." When he got off the phone, he said, "I was supposed to meet at the theatre early, so I've gotta go."

"Alright," Audrey said.

"Your mom told me all about it last night," Kenzly said. "She said you were really good."

He smiled humbly, showing his appreciation. "If you wanna come to the show, I can get you a ticket." He stood. He hated that everyone was waiting on him. If Allie was still in charge, he would've definitely been chewed out for this. "Or just any night you're not busy. Just let me know." He picked up his pack and his lighter.

"I've got plans tonight. Tomorrow?"

"Okay." He took one last drag, then held his cigarette out to Kenzly. "You wanna finish this?" He wasn't allowed to smoke in Julio's car and he didn't want to wait around and finish. After she took it, he went over to his mom and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek. "I'm sorry I have to run the second you get here."

"That's okay."

"Can I come by tomorrow?"

"Of course. Have fun tonight," she said, "and drive safe! You're already late, so there's no use speeding."

"I love you." He hurried towards the front of the house.

"I love you, too," she called after him.

---

"What time did you get in last night?" Ricardo asked as he picked up a box of rice off the shelf and dropped it into his cart.

Drake followed closely behind. He didn't walk next to the man because then he'd take up space for those squeezing past them in the aisle, which would force him to say a few sorry's and excuse me's. He didn't want to talk to anyone else but Ricardo. Instead, he followed the man like a lost puppy to avoid being in the way. Being around so many people gave him anxiety.

"Around one. Gem and Sawyer wanted to get Waffle House and Gem talked forever and then he wanted to go clubbing, but I finally said I was tired and had to go home."

"Did they like the show?"

"Yeah."

"Everything went smoothly?"

"Yeah."

"Good." He grabbed one of the last bottles of yum yum sauce and dropped it in the buggy. "You didn't write down chicken nuggets on the list and I think you're out. You want some?"

"Yeah."

Ricardo noticed that his answers were short. The only detail Drake offered was about his whereabouts the night before because he didn't want Ricky to be suspicious. The older boy wondered if his question had hurt Drake's feelings or if something else was bothering him.

"What's up?" he asked.

"What? Nothing."

"Did something happen yesterday?"

His brows furrowed with confusion. "No. Yesterday was good."

"You're just being... I don't know. Like you got something on your mind."

"I'm just thinking, like...I feel like I should get a job."

"Yeah?"

"I feel bad that I'm not doing anything to help my mom out with Charlie and I know I help out with groceries and bills when I can, but you've been having to hold everything together since I don't have a real job and Julio doesn't have his financial aid. Plus, you're paying for his DUI shit and you've had to pick up extra hours at the bar and I just wanna be more useful."

"Do you think you're ready?" his friend asked. "You think you'll be able to do it without it affecting your sobriety?"

"Yes."

"I think so, too." His words gave Drake a boost of confidence. "I can put you back on the schedule at the bar."

"I don't... I don't wanna work there," he said quietly.

Ricardo's forehead creased. "Why not?"

"I just..." He knew the man would have a rebuttal for his excuse, but he said it anyway. "It's just embarrassing. They all know I relapsed and I just bailed without giving them a head's up."

"They're not gonna judge you. They miss you and they ask about you all the time. Plus, they've got their own problems to worry about. They're all just as fucked up as you are," he assured, "but if you really don't feel comfortable coming back, then that's okay. I totally support whatever you do."

He was pretty sure he wouldn't go back, but he didn't want to totally shoot the man down. "Lemme think about it."

He knew Ricky wanted him near to keep an eye on him and he supposed he understood that. He loved the guy to death, but sometimes he just wanted a break from him. With that thought, he felt guilt take over. After all of his bullshit, Ricardo should be tired of him — not the other way around.

"Are we almost done?" Drake asked.

"You're like a fucking five-year-old sometimes. We've literally only been here for fifteen minutes." The man noticed his friend wrap his arms around himself like he sometimes did when he wanted to shrink. He knew that this meant Drake was feeling anxious. In a softer tone, he said, "Why don't you wait in the car?"

He thought about it. He didn't want to abandon Ricardo, but maybe the man would finish faster if Drake stopped nagging him every two minutes. He accepted his friend's suggestion and was given the keys. He made his way back up towards the front of the store, stepped outside and lit a cigarette. Before he could begin to make his way across the crosswalk, he heard his name.

"Drake!" It was a woman and she was excited to see him. "Hey! It's so good to see you!" She had him in a hug before he could get any words out.

"It's good to see you, too, Mrs. Harmon," he said, then he was led over to a free bench at the front of the store.

"Come chat with me." Meelah's mom gave him a big smile as she sat down. "I heard you went to see your mom." She must've spoken to Audrey on the phone.

"I did. I finally worked up the nerve."

"That's so great! I'm so happy for the both of you. Did it go alright?"

"It did. It went much better than I expected. We talked for a long time and she introduced me to Charlie." Just saying her name made the corners of his lips turn upwards in a smile.

After seeing this, Mrs. Harmon's grin got larger. "She's such a lovely kid," she said, "and she's so smart! Your mom said she took to you fast."

"Yeah, I played her a song on the guitar and she loved it."

"That's great. I know she has a thing about men. I can't tell you how long it took for her to warm up to George."

Speaking of Meelah's father... "Is he at work?"

"He is, but he'll be so excited to hear that I saw you again. In fact, we're going to be at Audrey's on Friday for dinner. We rotate every week and it's her week. You should come. I know she'd love to have you."

"I would love that, but I can't make it. I'm in this play and we have a show that night."

"Oh, that's right!" Janine said. "Your mom told me how wonderful you were. George and I are coming to the show tomorrow. We're gonna get there early to get a good seat in the front." She could tell that he was appreciative of their support.

"I can get you both tickets," the young man said.

"Really?"

"Yeah, they gave all the cast ten tickets and I actually have two extra."

"Why, thank you, Drake. That's very sweet of you. Are you busy after the show? George and I would love to take you out for dinner or some late night dessert so we can all catch up."

"Okay. I'll have to change out of my costume and stuff afterwords. It shouldn't take more than thirty minutes and then I can meet you somewhere. Lemme..." He pulled out his cell phone and opened his contacts list. "Lemme get your phone number and I'll call you if I'm running late."

The two swapped numbers and she gave him her husband's number as well.

"And if you ever need anything, you know you can call us," she said.

"Yes, ma'am."

She smiled again as she looked at him. He looked so much healthier than he used to and she was so happy to see it. "I guess I better get going. It was so good to see you."

"You, too." He stood as she did and accepted the tight hug she gave him. "I'll see you tomorrow night."

After the two separated, he made his way across the crosswalk and to Ricardo's car. He lit his cigarette again on the way. He knew she wasn't a fan of his and Meelah's smoking habits, so he let it go out while he spoke to her. He was actually glad that he ran into her. Although she always reminded him of Meelah's death, she always uplifted him and made him feel worthy of existing. He got encouragement and positivity thrown his way from the Santos brothers all the time, but it was just extra reassuring to hear it from someone else, especially someone who had every right to hate him. The Harmons were the absolute greatest parents — after his mother of course.

---

Julio descended the foyer staircase and heard the television on. He glanced into the living room and saw Kenzly sitting cross-legged on the couch watching the Game Show Network. "Good morning," he said, announcing his arrival with a bit of obvious surprise and confusion in his voice.

"Hey." She smiled up at him.

She was wearing Drake's pajama pants and one of his tees. Drake fluctuated in weight often due to his inconsistent drug use. He lost weight fast whenever he relapsed, but this wasn't exactly a tell-tale sign of drug abuse for the Santos brothers because he also sometimes went through these phases of deep depression and anxiety and couldn't stomach food. His closet contained a mixture of different-sized clothing, so Kenzly had picked a shirt that fit loosely and hung off one shoulder.

"You want breakfast?" the male asked.

"I already cooked. It's on the stove."

"Oh," he said. "Sweet." He went into the kitchen and made himself a plate.

As he did this, Drake came down the kitchen staircase. "S'up?" He, like Kenzly, was still in pajamas, but he was peppier than he normally would be at this time of morning.

"Wow, I actually don't have to drag you out of bed today."

Drake leaned over his shoulder to see what had been cooked, then he reached for a sausage patty. "I've gotta drop Kenzly off after I take you to your meeting and I'm gonna see Charlie."

Drake wasn't the only one weirded out by the fact that Mindy had named her kid after the drug that had started her downward spiral. Julio was having to retrain his brain. Still, if his friend did decide to relapse, he could tell them he was going to see Charlie and if they chose to assume he meant his daughter here rather than his favorite pills, then that would be on them, right? He could blame them and defend himself by saying he'd told them what he had planned on doing.

"You're still going to your meeting, right?" Drake asked.

"Yeah." He saw the boy grab a glass and head over to the refrigerator to grab juice, so he pulled a glass out for himself and set it next to Drake's, silently requesting that he fill his, too. "So are you and Kenzly...?"

The young man glanced at him and understood what he was asking. "No, I passed out the second I laid down."

"Dude, she's wearing your clothes," Julio said doubtfully.

"She didn't wanna sleep in jeans."

"So she came over and you both just...went to bed?"

"She was with some guy she met on Tinder and he was being weird, so she asked me to come get her and she didn't wanna wake anyone at my mom's up trying to slip in and get ready for bed." Drake put the juice away and picked up his glass, then took a sip. He was on to another subject. "Do you care if Kenzly's with me when I drop you off at the church? Or we can go alone and then I can come back and pick her up if you'd rather do that. Megan's watching Charlie until we get there, so it's not like she's in a rush to get home or anything."

Julio's known Kenzly for a long time and he knew she was a very trustworthy person. "I don't care if she knows, but I just don't wanna be the one to tell her and I don't wanna be there when you do because I'll feel awkward and sad if she doesn't react the way I want her to, which is not at all."

"If she doesn't give a shit about everything I've done," Drake said, "then she's definitely not gonna care about your shit, but yeah, I'll tell her before we go if you're sure you want me to. Seriously, I can leave her here while I drop you off or I can drop her off first. She's not gonna care."

He could see that his friend was being sincere, so he opened up to him. "I really...just don't want a lot of people to know right now." Julio had practically put his alcoholism on blast in front of everyone at the Flux during their performance, but things felt different that night. He knew Drake was right and that Kenzly wouldn't judge him, but he still wanted to keep it on a need-to-know basis — at least for a little while.

"Okay, no problem. You want me to drop her off and swing back by like I left my phone?"

"I know you hate lying, though."

"I won't be lying," Drake said as he hopped up onto the island to sit. "I'll leave my phone and then explain to her how Ricky always freaks the fuck out when I forget my phone because he's tracking it."

Julio thought about this, but he felt like it was too much trouble and he didn't want to be such a bother so early in the morning. "I'll just ride with you and you can drop her off first."

"Cool." After taking another sip of his juice and swallowing it down, he asked, "How are you, by the way?"

There was a sigh, but his friend only said, "I'm okay." He kept his head down and his eyes on his apple juice, the color of which reminded him of beer.

"Hey," Drake said with sudden concern. He slid off the counter and approached his friend. "What's up?"

Julio shrugged. He was never as open as his fellow addict and he had a hard time being honest and upfront about his feelings. This is probably what had led him to alcoholism in the first place. The substance gave him the courage to say all the things he'd always wanted to.

Drake stayed so busy over the past few days and never really took the time to check in with his friend and he felt guilty about it now. He didn't really have any words that he thought would help, so instead, he just pulled the younger boy into a tight embrace. He always hated to admit it, but hugs made him feel better unless he was having an episode involving being touched. "I'll stay home with you today," he offered, "or we can go out." Drake was constantly gone in the car and, although Julio couldn't currently drive it, this meant he couldn't leave the house either.

"Nah, it's okay."

"No, come on. We'll play some video games and some music and skateboard, or we can go do something fun."

"Nah, you should go see Charlie."

"I'll bring her. I mean, I have to ask. My mom kinda has me on this probationary period, which means Kenzly or Megan would have to come, but we can all do something fun together." There was a short pause. "Oh, I got it. We're gonna do something super fun."

Julio believed him because his demeanor changed to excitement. "Like what?"

"It's a surprise, but it'll be so cool. I'll call my mom while you're in your meeting and see if I can take Charlie out, but if not, me and you will go. Okay?"

He thought about it.

"I'm asking, but I'm not actually asking. We're going." It felt strange being on this side of the conversation. Usually, the roles were reversed, so that's probably why he knew what to do. It's been done to him so many times that it was almost like second nature.

"Okay," Julio gave in.

---

Julio opened the passenger's side door and got in the car. Drake glanced up at him, clearly surprised by the sudden noise, but then he put his eyes back on the book in his hand.

"I'm almost done. I just have to finish this part."

Julio pulled his phone out of his pocket and took it off vibrate. As he waited for his friend to finish, he opened Instagram and absently scrolled through each post. It only took Drake about a minute to get done. He put his bookmark in, then closed the book and set it on the dash.

"How did it go?" he asked the passenger as he cranked the car and put it in drive.

Julio picked up the book to see what he was reading. "It was good. I feel a little better."

"That's good." The young man pressed a button and turned on the radio. His phone was already plugged into the auxiliary cord, so he picked it up and turned on Missio before he pulled out onto the main road.

"You went to the library?" Julio said as he read the title of the book: I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.

"Yeah."

The young man opened the book and flipped to a random page. Seconds later: "The fuck? I think I managed to go directly to the worst page."

"No, no, it's all like that," the driver said.

"Shit." He continued to read the page he was on because he was intrigued. By the end of the chapter, he was laughing out loud. "Dude, lemme read this to you."

"No. No spoilies!"

Julio rolled his eyes. "Where are you at?"

"I'm just a couple chapters in."

He scrolled to the table of contents to read each chapter name. "What is this book supposed to be about? Frat boy shit?"

"This guy just being an asshole. It's funny when he makes fun of himself, but then he makes fun of other people a lot and I'm not really into that kinda thing."

Julio closed the book and put it in the backseat. "So are you gonna tell me where we're going now?"

"We're gonna pick up Charlie."

The younger of the two rolled his eyes. "I meant after that."

"Oh. Nope."

"You're so annoying."

"Oof." He could feel the evil glare that was being given to him for saying one of Julio's least favorite words. "Can you just chill out? It's gonna be fun. I promise."

"I'd really just rather go home and ride the rest of this craving out there."

"Yeah, because laying in bed obsessing over these thoughts is really gonna help you."

Julio rolled his eyes. He was pretty moody today, but it was obvious why. He knew his friend wouldn't give in to his request, so he stopped arguing.

Once they pulled up at the trailer, he was almost as sick as Drake had felt upon first returning. He immediately got flashes from the morning his brother had told him about the horrors that had taken place here.

*FLASHBACK*

Ricardo was exhausted and it showed. Drake had woken up just about every fifteen minutes complaining about pain, but he finally convinced his doctor to give him something to alleviate the hurt. It wasn't long before he was out like a light, allowing Ricky the time to check on things at home, work on the bar schedule so that he had someone covering for him and have a much-dreaded conversation with Julio.

As he sipped on his third cup of coffee this morning, his younger brother came down the stairs. "So you finally decided to come back home," he said. "Damn, you look worn out. Long night?" he joked with a wink. "She any good in the sack?"

Julio was laughing now, but Ricardo knew he wouldn't be when he told him what he needed to say. The two brothers have always been close, but they didn't talk about feelings too often. In fact, when Julio had opened up to the man about his depression and anxiety, that was the first time they ever really talked about something so personal. Since then, they've checked in with one another on these serious topics, but both boys still guarded themselves and didn't show too much for fear of appearing weak. However, Ricardo knew this news would absolutely destroy his little bro.

"Come sit with me."

"Lemme get some coffee."

Ricardo went to the living room and took a seat on the couch. The tv was on because he'd needed some background noise earlier to keep him distracted from everything that was going on. He picked up the remote and turned it off just as his brother entered. Julio's eyes squinted curiously, but he just sat down on the other end of the couch. It wasn't until Ricky turned and folded his leg under himself so that he was fully facing him that Julio knew that something was off.

"What's up with you? You're being all weird."

"I need to talk to you about something." There was not one hint of his normal ease in his voice. Instead, he spoke with complete seriousness. Sometimes he used this kind of tone when dealing with unruly customers at the bar or in situations where he needed to be tough, but even then, his voice was never this solemn.

Julio immediately started feeling anxious. He swallowed down the coffee in his mouth with a fearful gulp, then put the cup down on the table. "What's wrong?"

"It's about Drake."

His heart started pounding in his chest and he was breathing so heavily that he was pretty sure his brother could hear. His mind started running through every possible scenario. What could possibly have happened to Drake? It was only months ago that Meelah had died. He was using drugs, so maybe he overdosed, too. He suddenly felt sick and regretted not being there for his friend. His addiction had spiraled and Julio just completely bailed. He was mad. He had every right to be mad. Right? He couldn't bear to watch his long-time best friend throw his life away for a quick high, especially when he felt like he had spent the last couple years enabling him. Maybe he wasn't angry with Drake at all. Maybe he was angry with himself.

It was only a matter of time really. He hadn't realized it before, but deep down, he always knew that the drugs would ruin Drake. It had always just been a matter of time before he took one too many or stumbled out in front of a vehicle or mixed it with the wrong substance. Those pills were always going to be the death of him. Julio knew it. Drake knew it. His family knew it. Everyone knew it. It just occurred to Julio that this conversation with his brother wasn't actually all that shocking. In fact, he's been in mourning for Drake for a long time already. This moment was inevitable. It was something he knew would happen sooner or later.

"He's dead," Julio said shakily.

"He's not. He's alive, but he's not well."

"Something happened?"

"Yeah, something happened."

"What's wrong with him?" Already, he was crying. The last time he had cried in front of his brother was back when they were kids. His fingers were trembling and even though Ricky had confirmed that Drake was still alive, he wasn't fully comprehending this.

"His father passed away last night."

Julio scrunched his brows. He was filled with relief because his friend was okay, but it was gone in an instant. "Oh my god. Shit. Is he okay?"

"No. He's in the hospital."

"Is he gonna die?"

"I don't think so."

"What happened?"

He couldn't think of a soft way to say this, so he just came out with it. "Yesterday, Drake's father tried to kill him."

"What?!" he said on an exhale. "That doesn't..." His breathing got harder. "—make sense. I don't..."

"Mr. Parker was a very violent alcoholic and he abused Drake for years."

"Jesus... I can't... He never told me. I mean, he did, but he said it wasn't happening anymore. He said his dad quit drinking."

"What did he tell you his father did to him?" Maybe his brother already knew most everything. Maybe he wouldn't have to be the one to break it to him.

"He said he hit him sometimes and would occasionally lock him in the basement."

"Is that all he said?"

Julio looked at him with hurt and confusion in his eyes. Already, this was a lot for him to take in. "Is that not all he did?"

"Julio..." He'd spent all morning practicing how he would say this, but nothing felt right anymore. "When Drake's father hit him, it wasn't just a slap or a punch or two. When he locked him in the basement, it wasn't just a short time-out. He...viciously...beat him...sometimes until he lost consciousness. Remember when Drake was in the hospital? With the broken bones? He said he was jumped."

"Yeah..." Julio knew what he was going to say before he said it and he felt sick.

"That wasn't true. Mr. Parker tortured him."

Julio remembered the injuries. He'd had a dislocated shoulder, a fractured rib, a broken wrist, a broken nose and a broken finger and he had never seen so many bruises in his life.

"When Drake was locked in the basement," Ricardo continued, "his father would leave him down there for a couple weeks sometimes without checking on him. He wouldn't give him food and the only water he had was from a leaky pipe."

"Jesus..." More tears came and his nose was getting stuffy. "I don't understand."

Ricardo knew the feeling. Drake had lied to him about the severity of it all as well. He was just as at a loss as his brother.

"Do you need a minute?" the oldest asked.

"What, there's more?"

He didn't respond, but this was enough of an answer. Julio sniffled and wiped his eyes, then nodded slightly to let him know to go on.

"Mr. Parker didn't just abuse him physically. He also sexually abused him."

His brother's face contorted, twisting into a tight frown. He was trying to keep himself from completely breaking, but he couldn't hold it in. A couple unstoppable sobs left him and he hung his head. He felt horrible. He treated Drake like complete shit for taking those pills, but those pills were the only things he had in his life that didn't let him down.

"I can skip this part—"

"No, I wanna hear it." He needed to know. He needed to know what horrors his negligence had caused his best friend.

"Drake was raped."

Julio lost it all over again. He put his hand on his forehead to hide his eyes. Ricardo knew just how badly he'd treated Drake. He heard him vent about him time and time again and now he was delivering this news knowing how guilty and ashamed Julio was feeling.

The man continued. "He said it started when he was sixteen."

Sixteen. That's when his addiction started. That's when Stevie started hating him and when Julio started treating him like shit.

"He said it was only occasionally, but then it got pretty bad over the summer after graduation."

This was the summer Julio and Stevie finally got fed up enough to kick him out of the band. All Drake needed was a friend to ask him how he was and listen to him and all he got was abandonment. He was abandoned by his mother, by is step-father, by his brother and sister, by the love of his life, by his best friends. He had no one. He was left alone. He was a disappointment to his parents. He was the target of hatred by his step-brother and his band mates. None of it was his fault, but he never told anyone and why should he? No one wanted to listen to him.

"It got to the point," Ricardo said, "where it was happening almost daily. He said it became more and more aggressive. Sometimes it could last hours. He was forced to do things, like perform oral or touch himself and, if he refused, Mr. Parker would beat him or burn him or threaten him with weapons." He went into detail because he needed to answer all of Julio's questions so that the boy would never feel the need to bring it up to Drake. Plus, he needed his brother to know so that they could figure out the best way to help their friend move forwards.

Julio couldn't hold it in anymore. "Oh god!" he choked. His back jerked with each sob.

Ricardo was heartbroken. Tears left his eyes, but he cried silently. He knew how guilty his little brother was feeling because he felt it, too. He gently placed his hand on Julio's shoulder and gave him time before piling on more awful secrets.

After about two minutes, Julio asked, "Why would he do that?" He was bawling so hard that he was nearly incomprehensible, but Ricky understood.

"A few days ago, Drake was with his mother and he caused her to wreck. The car flipped and Mrs. Nichols ended up in a coma. She woke up after a few days, but she's been unable to walk since. Mr. Parker was told what had happened and he spent days waiting for Drake to get out of the hospital. When he was released yesterday, he called me crying. I couldn't understand much. He said he wanted to get clean and he wanted me to pick him up at his father's, so I immediately left Luis' house because I didn't want him to change his mind. In the time it took to make that hour and a half drive, Mr. Parker was dead. Drake said he started beating him the second he walked through the door, then he got a knife and severed three of his fingers."

"What?" Despite being given the story piece by piece and the explanation behind it, he was still so confused.

"Mr. Parker took Drake to his bedroom, where he broke his leg, his wrist, his arm, his nose and his jaw and he raped him. He spent the next hour or so torturing him. He stabbed Drake three times and he cut him up pretty badly on his back. He branded him with a hot needle on his abdomen." He listed the injuries so that Julio wouldn't look shocked the next time he saw Drake. He was giving his brother time to process because he didn't want Drake to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable when Julio visited.

"Branded him?"

"It says worthless cock-sucking slut."

Julio lifted his other hand now so that he could hide his face even more.

"Drake said he managed to get the gun out of Mr. Parker's nightstand, but the safety was on, so his dad got to him and started strangling him. He was able to reach a knife and he stuck it in his father's arm, but he accidentally hit a main artery and Mr. Parker bled out."

"Good!" He was almost screaming now. "That fucker deserved to die!"

"I know," Ricardo agreed, "but Drake's really upset about it."

"Why?!"

"He was his father, Julio."

"He wasn't a father! He was a monster and a coward! Treating his fucking kid like that! It's sick!" he spat.

"I agree with you, but Drake still loved him," Ricardo said. "I'm gonna stay at the hospital for a while. His family didn't really want to see him. Do you think you'll be okay? I've called Mamá and she's gonna come stay for a few days."

Normally, Julio would fuss about having a "babysitter," but this time was different. He wanted his mom. He needed her comfort. He needed to be taken care of because he was too devastated to do it himself. However, he also needed to see Drake and apologize and beg for forgiveness.

"Can I come with you?"

Ricardo was hesitant. "I don't think he's up for visitors right now. He's still trying to cope with everything that's happened and I know you wanna help, but I think he just needs time." He was surprised but grateful that his brother didn't protest. "Look, I know how you feel. I know you blame yourself. I understand what you're going through. I could've prevented this, too. I knew his dad was hitting him."

"You did?"

"Yeah. I showed up during the middle of it once when I was picking him up for band practice. He asked me not to say anything, so I didn't. I was the one he called to come get him when his father put him in the hospital the first time. I wanted to tell the police, but he made me swear I wouldn't and he said he'd just deny it if I did. I know you feel like you could've done a lot of things differently. You're not alone."

"He hid it so well." Julio was still trying to understand. "Why didn't he say anything?"

"Drake was scared of him, but ultimately, I think the reason was because he didn't want to get his father in trouble. I also think he felt embarrassed and ashamed, especially about the sexual abuse."

"That's absurd. He shouldn't feel that way."

"I know, but he's got a lot to wrap his head around. He's not just dealing with what happened. He's not used to people knowing and now his family knows and you and I know. He's worried about how we'll see him now," Ricardo said. "On top of that, the news stations somehow got wind of this. Reporters are swarming the hospital."

"Jesus..."

"They're not gonna share his name, but they're gonna show his house and Mr. Parker's picture is gonna be splattered all over the tv and newspapers. People are going to figure out it's him."

"Can't we do something about it?"

"I've already tried, but they're technically not breaking any laws."

"Why do they even care? There are shootings and robberies and kids killing each other. Why are they focusing on Drake?"

"Apparently, it's the worst local case of child abuse in years," the man said. "Julio, this story is gonna be big. Like, front-page, lead-story, nationwide big. They're gonna publicly exploit him for their own gain. This is gonna be a media shit-storm and they'll leave him to clean up the debris without a care in the world how this affects him."

"I don't understand why this is happening." Julio was still crying. "He's never done shit to anybody. He didn't deserve any of this!"

"I know." Ricardo pulled his little brother into a hug and he cried with him. "We've just gotta make sure we're there for him when he needs us and we have to be here for each other. We've gotta start looking out for each other."

Julio nodded.

"He doesn't have anywhere to go, so unless something changes with his family, he's gonna move in here when he gets out of the hospital. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes, of course."

"He's also probably not quite finished with drugs after all this. He's gonna wanna use now more than ever. We need to be patient with him. We can't scare him off because we might lose him forever. He needs to get clean, but you know just as well as I do how frustrating it is to be constantly lied to and to have things stolen from you. We're gonna have to work with him, though. It's not gonna fix itself overnight."

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get my best friend back," Julio said.

*END FLASHBACK*

Julio walked up the driveway and ascended the porch steps with his friend. He watched him out of the corner of his eye as they waited for someone to answer their knock and he could tell that Drake felt just as uncomfortable about being here as he did. The former resident of the house wrapped his arms around himself as if a hug would give him comfort. This way, at least something was in between himself and the house from his nightmares.

In an instant, though, all of that anxiety seemed to melt away when he heard a high-pitched voice on the other side of the door. Teeny-tiny little footsteps patted against the floor eagerly.

"Daddy's hewe!" came his daughter's muffled voice on the other side of the door. "Kenny! Daddy's hewe!"

Julio could see a smile take up most of the space on his friend's face. Seeing this made him smile, too. Despite how annoying it was to listen to someone gush about his kid when Julio had zero interest in that, he was genuinely so fucking happy for Drake.

"Bring me your shoes," came an approaching voice.

"I got them on."

Moments later, the door opened. Drake offered Kenzly some sort of quick greeting, but the second he saw Charlie, his focus was on her. He squatted down to her level and the first thing he noticed was that her shoes were on the wrong feet. She was so excited to see him that she had put her shoes on by herself and was waiting for his arrival. This sentiment alone made him feel like Dahlia and his father were wrong about him. There were people who loved him — people he had wronged. Charlie was the one he had failed most, but he showed up out of the blue and tried to fix that and she held no bitterness in her heart.

"Daddy!" She grinned big, showing all her baby teeth. She was bouncing excitedly on her feet and she accepted the hug that he gave her, but only briefly. Charlie pulled away and grabbed his hand, then started to lead him towards the car. "Le's go."

"Wait a minute, baby. Lemme get your car seat." He scooped the girl up in his arms and raised her high in the air. The sound of her giggles filled him with something that he thought might be happiness.

Kenzly reached behind the door and retrieved the seat, then she set it down in front of them. "Lemme get Megan and we'll be right out."

"Okay." He held Charlie against his hip with one hand, then he gripped the car seat with the other, but let go when Julio spoke up.

"I'll get it."

The two made their way to the car. The younger boy put the car-seat inside and buckled it in, then Drake set his daughter down in it and got her secured. He tickled her as he did so and laughed when she did.

"Get in," Charlie said, pointing to the empty seat next to her.

"I have to drive," he said.

"You dwive?!" Her surprise made him smile.

"Yes, I do."

"Daddy, how old awe you?"

After he got her secured in her seat, he sat down on the edge of the floor while he waited for the girls. "Guess."

"Um...nine?"

"Close," he said. "I'm twenty-two."

Again her jaw dropped. "You oldew than Nana!"

"I am not!" he replied with amusement. "I'm, like, half her age, bruh. Chill."

"Daddy?"

Drake never thought he'd ever find himself responding to this name. Honestly, he kind of liked it. "Yeah?"

"Whewe awe we goin'?"

"It's a surprise for my friend. Do you remember my friend?" He motioned towards the boy who was hanging around outside of the car and looking at his phone.

Julio lifted his head when he heard that he was being talked about. "Hi, Charlie," he said.

Her face showed discomfort and fear.

"His name is Julio," Drake introduced. "He's my best friend. He's really nice and he can play music like me." He saw that this still didn't make Charlie ease up to him. "It might take time," he told Julio.

At that moment, the two girls exited the house and approached the car. Kenzly was carrying a Yo Gabba Gabba! backpack, which contained diapers, diaper rash cream, an outfit, wipes, a sippy cup, a banana, string cheese, a blanket, Kenzly's wallet and the house key.

"Hey, Megan," Drake greeted as he got on his feet. It felt somewhat strange to try to casually speak to her because he never really did that before. With his other relationships, like with Josh or his mom or Kenzly, he was working on fixing them. With Megan, he pretty much had to build their relationship from scratch.

"Hey," she replied.

"How are you?"

"Good," she said. She was trying just as much as he was, but it was just so weird for her as well.

Things were still clearly awkward for the both of them. They didn't quite know how to talk to one another, but Drake was determined to change that. He couldn't help but feel that, every time she looked at him, she saw a victim. She saw him suffer through vicious beatings at the hands of their father. She learned he had been raped countless times — in her bed even. She heard Marcellas tease him about getting involved in prostitution. She witnessed paramedics rushing him outside during his first ever suicide attempt. She watched him nod in and out of awareness at the dinner table when he got high on Christmas Eve. She knew he unsuccessfully begged for his life when his dad tried to kill him. She knew so much about him — his flaws, his shame, his secrets, his weaknesses — yet he knew almost nothing about her.

"Shotgun!" Julio called, then he got in the front seat.

Drake noticed Kenzly double-check to make sure Charlie was buckled in right before he got in the driver's seat. This didn't offend him because he was used to having people scrutinize everything he did. He was still having to save his receipts for Ricardo.

Once they were all inside, Drake backed out of the driveway and they were off. Julio reached for the radio and turned down the music that had started once the car was cranked, then he turned towards the backseat.

"Do either of you have any idea where we're going?" he asked.

Both of the girls just smiled, but neither said anything.

Drake spoke up. "You're just gonna have to wait."

"You know how you hate surprises? Well, I also hate surprises."

"I don't give a fuck."

"Oooh! Daddy, you said a bad word."

"Oh." He was caught off-guard. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"I get a dollar."

"What?"

Kenzly explained. "Your mom made a swear jar. If you swear in front of Charlie, you have to put a dollar in the jar and she gets to spend it on whatever she wants."

"Oh. Geez. Okay."

Julio joked, "You're gonna be so broke in, like, three hours."

"Shut up."

Charlie gasped. "You said a bad word!"

"I did not."

"Your mom counts that as a bad word," his ex informed.

"It's not a bad word, though," Drake disagreed.

"Would you want Charlie saying it?"

"Well, no, but—"

"Then it's a bad word."

"Okay, well, I'm gonna need a list of these so-called bad words."

Julio snickered. "Dude, your daughter got you in trouble."

Drake spoke so that Charlie couldn't hear. "I know. Shit."

---

"Oh my god." Julio rolled his eyes as they turned into the parking lot of Urban Air Trampoline and Adventure Park. "This is my big surprise?"

"It's gonna be so much fun," his best friend said excitedly.

"Awe we hewe?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah, baby." Drake turned in his seat and smiled at her.

When he did this, Megan could clearly see his face. His eyes sparkled and he looked genuinely happy. It was an expression she hadn't seen on him in a long time, and not just because she hadn't seen him in three years. Even when they were living together, she rarely saw him smile like this. She was so happy that he was sticking around for Charlie and that he was stepping up finally, but she couldn't help but feel a bit jealous that she hadn't been important enough to make him stay.

"Daddy, whewe awe we?"

"You'll see."

His daughter kicked her feet excitedly. Everyone got out of the car. Kenzly unbuckled Charlie and held her close as she slid out through Megan's side. She grabbed the Yo Gabba Gabba! backpack and passed it to Drake before getting out. He put it on, then looked up at the building in front of them. It was clean and spot-free because it had just opened two weeks ago. He'd been meaning to come sooner, but he never had the time or the money or the energy. Julio's struggles finally pushed him to come. He knew his friend would love it, too, despite his current complaints.

"Do I look like I'm five years old?" Julio asked, still unimpressed.

"I don't know, but you're sure as fuck acting like it."

Then came Charlie's voice. "Oooh!"

"I know. Sorry." He took her and held her against his hip. "You don't miss anything, do you?" He kissed her forehead and continued to talk to her while another conversation happened next to him.

"It's really fun," Megan told Julio.

"You've been?"

"Yeah, I came with some friends when it opened. It was so packed."

"Doesn't look too busy now," Kenzly said as she noticed the few cars in the parking lot. "Probably because we're so early." She checked her phone and saw that it was only a little after nine in the morning.

Shrill laughter interrupted the chat and everyone looked at Charlie, who had just been tickled by her father. When he pulled his hand away, she leaned forwards and hid her face in his neck as if that would keep him from reaching her a second time.

"I'm not even wearing the proper attire," Julio complained.

Drake heard this. "Oh, yeah. I brought us different pants."

He passed Charlie back to Kenzly, opened the door, then pressed a button so that the trunk popped open. He looked inside and retrieved two pairs of joggers. They bought these soon after they'd made their running goal. It felt like so long ago since they had done that together. He kind of wanted to start that up again. Drake tossed Julio the blue ones and he kept his black ones. He went around to the other side of the car and got in the backseat. His friend opened the door on his side and followed.

"No peeking," Julio said to the girls before shutting the door.

Drake already had his belt unbuckled and was unfastening his skinny jeans. He surprised the younger boy when he asked, "You're not mad at me, are you?"

"No. Why would I be mad?"

"I don't know. I was just making sure I was reading the situation right."

Again, he asked, "Why would you think I was mad?"

"Because you seem kinda irritated and unhappy that I brought you here," Drake said as he got his jeans down his legs. He took off his sneakers so that he could finish pulling his pants off. "I wasn't sure if you were mad because I brought Charlie, Megan and Kenzly along or because you'd really just rather go home or if you were just moody and negative like I get when you and Ricky force me to do shit during a craving." Drake always acted this way, like when they made him play board games although he'd rather lay in bed or when they made him climb that fucking mountain during his withdrawals. He thought this was what was happening with his friend, but then he started to doubt himself and his mind started convincing him of a bunch of reasons that Julio probably hated him. He knew he had to confront the issue before he let himself spiral, especially since his daughter was around.

"I'm sorry," the young man apologized. "I know I'm being a shit. I swear I'm not mad at all, though. You're doing the right thing. If I were to be at home laying around, I'd probably go out and buy whiskey or something. I'm not trying to be so pessimistic. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm acting like... I'm acting like you."

This made both boys laugh. Drake lifted his bottom out of the seat so that he could pull up his pants, then he reached for his shoes.

"See?" he said. "It's not so easy, is it? Imagine if I was trying to get you to play Monopoly instead of this."

Julio laughed. "I don't know how you didn't kill us."

"And I fucking hate Monopoly."

"That's because you ruin everything. You start making everyone sign contracts and, when I needed that one orange to finally make a set and catch up to you guys, you only gave it to me if I promised to give you a percentage every time my brother landed on it," he said, "and when Ricardo was desperate for a card so he could finish one of his sets, you made him swear not to charge you at all if you landed on it. You ruin everything and — I never wanted to say this, but this is probably why you're single."

Drake could tell that he was joking and he laughed. He bent his knee and rested his heel in the seat so that he could tie his shoe. "My daughter's gonna hate me when she's old enough to understand how to play Monopoly."

Both of them felt it at the same time. It was strange to hear the words "my daughter" leave Drake's lips and they both went quiet for a moment. Everything had just changed so suddenly. Out of nowhere, there was a kid in the picture and it didn't seem like she was going anywhere any time soon. It was weird for both of them.

"Hey," Drake said, his voice more serious now, "I know I've been really wrapped up in my own shit lately — with getting to know Charlie and all — but I didn't mean to leave you hanging."

"Well, you're a dad now and you wanna step up and being a parent takes up a lot of time. It's your kid and she should come first. You're not gonna have a lot of time for much else and that's okay. I couldn't be prouder."

"I should make time," the boy disagreed. "We just fixed things and I don't wanna lose this again. I get so caught up in my shit sometimes and totally forget about everyone else and I'm trying to work on that, but if you ever feel like I'm neglecting our friendship, I want you to tell me. I don't want it to be like last time where you felt like you couldn't tell me and you bottled everything up and then shit hit the fan. This whole 'having a kid' thing is new to me and I'm trying to figure things out. I literally have no fucking idea what I'm doing, and not just with Charlie. I'm trying to learn how to balance everything, so I just want you to tell me what you need from me. Like, was this one of those moments where it should've just been the two of us? Should I not have brought Charlie?"

"No, it's fine that you brought her. It's not like you and me were gonna have any deep conversations in a fucking trampoline park. We're here for a distraction and the more people that are here, the more distracted from my cravings I'll be." Julio said, "This is new to me, too, so I don't really know what to expect yet. Obviously, things are gonna change, especially whenever you and your mom decide that it's time for you to have full custody. I don't really know what that means for us, but we'll just have to deal with it as it comes and adapt until we figure out what we're doing. I promise I won't bottle my shit this time, but you can't let me interfere with your relationship with your daughter either. I'll let you know if I feel like we're starting to grow distant, but you have to tell me if you genuinely don't have time. Don't try to squeeze me in and then mess things up with Charlie because she's who's important now. You can't half-ass that shit."

"I'm kinda scared," Drake admitted softly. "I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing."

"I don't think any first-time parent does, but you'll figure it out," his best friend assured. "I know you're gonna be a great father."

This made the young man feel a bit more self-confident and he wore a small smile. "Thanks," he said. "Alright, enough of this serious shit. You ready to go inside?"

"Yeah."

The two got out of the car and the group entered the trampoline park. Drake approached the counter to pay, then they stepped to the side and he passed out wristbands. He helped Kenzly with hers since she was carrying Charlie, then he put Charlie's on.

"I'm gonna run back out to the car and put my wallet in there," he said. "You guys can go ahead and I'll find you."

He went back outside and put his money in the compartment between the two front seats, then he pulled out his pack of cigarettes and his lighter and lit up. He smoked quickly because he didn't want to be away for too long. This was Charlie's first time here, too, and he could tell that she was mesmerized by all the colors and sounds and lights and big equipment. She was going to have a blast.

Ding!

The young man pulled out his cell phone to see who'd messaged him. He couldn't help but roll his eyes when he saw Dahlia's name on his screen, but he also couldn't keep himself from reading what she wrote.

Dahlia Martin: u think u can just pretend I don't exist?! ignore me. go ahead. I dare u. see what fuckin happen u lousy wanker!

There it was again. It was the same feeling he had last week when he went out for lunch with his cast mates and two days ago when he was leaving his mom's after having spent the early part of his day hanging out with Charlie and Kenzly in the backyard. He felt like he was being watched. He lifted his head and looked around, but he saw nothing and no one out of the ordinary. Still, he couldn't shake that feeling. His paranoia growing, Drake left the text without a reply and headed inside with the others.

---

Charlie's hair stuck to her sweat-coated forehead. Drake brushed it away as he dipped his spoon into his ice cream cup, then held it in front of her mouth. She took a bite, then leaned forwards, resting her forehead against his torso as she wrapped her arms around him. The young man scooped up more of his ice cream, then took a bite himself. It hadn't been long since they'd left the trampoline park and now they were cooling off at a nearby ice cream shop called Sweet Charlie's. He'd never been before, but Charlie wanted to go because she shared a name with the business. They served rolled ice cream that was made right in front of the customer, which she went absolutely nuts about. Drake ordered the so-Cal cup and added blueberries, bananas, shredded coconut, almond slices and a small squirt of whipped cream. Each cup costed seven dollars, so after they all got one, it ended up totaling to about thirty dollars just for ice cream. He didn't mind. He wanted to treat his daughter and he wanted Julio to enjoy himself and he owed the two girls a lot for how he'd treated them in the past. It felt good to do something nice for them. Kenzly offered to take care of the tab since Drake had spent so much for them to have fun at Urban Air. This is how things used to always be with them. Back when they were best friends, they shared their money. If Kenzly's mom needed groceries, Drake would chip in with whatever he had; if he was tapped out and needed drugs or a meal while staying at his neglectful father's, Kenzly took him out to eat and gave him whatever she had left in her pocket.

"—and then my brother opens the door first instead of Drake and an entire bucket of spaghetti spilled out all over him!" Julio was saying. He spoke enthusiastically and his friend could tell that he felt much better after their day of fun.

"I bet he was fuming," Kenzly said.

"Oh, he was. He kept whining about it until I decked Drake in the nuts, then Drake started crying and he wasn't that mad anymore."

The ladies laughed.

"I wasn't crying."

"You were crying," Julio countered.

The boy looked like he was about to argue, but decided to concede. "I teared up a little."

There was more laughter. Drake rolled his eyes, then looked down at the child in his lap after getting more ice cream on the spoon. However, she was asleep now.

"Damn. She passed out," he said, then he ate the toddler-sized bite.

"Good. You wore her out," said Kenzly. "She's been putting up a fight every time I lay her down for a nap now."

"Does that mean it's almost time for her to stop taking naps?" He wasn't sure what age kids stopped and started doing what and he wanted to learn.

"No. If she doesn't nap, she'll be grumpy as hell," the girl said.

Megan added, "Almost as bad as Julio was earlier today."

Julio scoffed. "Fuck you, you little brat."

Drake laughed, then hissed when his friend punched his arm. "Ah! Dude!"

"I don't know why you're laughing. You have more mood swings than all three of us combined." He motioned towards himself, then Kenzly and Megan.

"Can confirm," his little sister said.

"Same," the blonde added as she pulled out her phone to check a text she received. As she did this, she glanced at the time. "Anyway, what time do you need to be at the theatre today?"

"Six, I think. I have to shower first, though. I'm so sweaty and gross." He was exhausted from jumping and climbing around and he was hoping maybe he would have time to squeeze in a little nap before the play. "What time is it?"

"Twelve."

"I have that birthday party at two," Megan said. "Remember?"

"Yeah," said her brother. "I should probably go ahead and drop you guys off." He tried to quickly eat the rest of his ice cream without getting a brain freeze.

"Anyone want the rest of this?" Kenzly held out her cup. "I'm so full."

No one else was hungry either, though. They cleaned up the table and gathered their things. Drake stood and carefully lifted Charlie higher so that her head was on his shoulder. When they got outside, he gently placed her in her car seat, but her eyes fluttered open and she looked around. After a couple seconds, she was asleep again.

---

"Drake!" came that always cheery voice he hadn't heard in a while.

"Hey." He gave the gas station attendant a smile as he approached the counter. "Sorry, I know it's been, like, forever since I've been here."

"That's okay," Ahmed said. "It's good to see you now. How are you?"

"I'm good," said Drake. "Things are really good."

"That's wonderful. How did it go with that girl?"

"Girl?"

"The one you got flowers for."

The last time he was here was after he had cheated on Clementine with Charlie and Tad. He'd wanted to make up with his fiancée and Ahmed had suggested flowers.

"Oh. Her. Yeah, we're not together anymore."

"No? Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. She wasn't really all that nice to me anyway."

"Well, in that case, perhaps it's for the best. You deserve nothing but kindness and respect and you should never settle for someone who can not give that to you, Drake."

"Thank you." He actually missed Ahmed and his encouragement so much. He had a way of making Drake feel good about himself. "I'm sorry I haven't stopped in. I went through quite a rough patch after that and it took me a long time to bounce back."

"You look well."

"Thanks. I'm doing a lot better now."

He liked Ahmed a lot and he wanted to make time to visit him every now and then. On top of that, he also felt like he had to because of how the man had helped him. Ahmed had offered him hot dogs and hope every time the boy had stopped in while he lived with his abusive father. Drake had repaid him by pointing a gun to his face and demanding all his hard-earned cash. Still, the owner saw good in him and saved him from making a horrible mistake that night. Drake owed him the visits. Ahmed had invested in his life and he deserved to know what Drake had done with that investment. He was happy that he was doing so well now.

"I'm glad," the Muslim worker said.

"Um, I can't really stay long because my friend is waiting in the car, but I can stop by sometime in the next couple days. I've been in the area a lot anyway."

"Okay."

"Also, um, this is kinda last minute, so you're probably busy, but I'm performing in this musical and tomorrow's the last show and I have one more free ticket left, so...um, if you wanted to come... I mean, if you can't, that's okay. I know you're busy working a lot—"

"No, I'd love to come," he said.

"Really?" This made Drake smile. He'd always planned on inviting Ahmed with that last ticket, but he never had the time or the nerve until now. He knew the man liked him, but there was a difference in liking someone enough to converse with them and keep them out of trouble and liking someone enough to go places for them and support them that way.

"Of course." He was grinning, too. He could tell that he had really made a difference in Drake's life and he knew that Drake was grateful for that.

"The show starts at seven tomorrow. Just give the ticket-taker your name and he'll have it on a list and let you in."

"Okay."

"Okay." He was still stunned that his invite had been accepted. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow night." He turned and made his way to the door, but before he opened it, he came back. "Oh, I forgot. I've gotta get gas."

"How much are you getting?"

"Twenty dollars on pump two, please." Drake gave him the cash, then said his goodbyes again and went back out to the car. After he pumped the gas, he got in and put the key in the ignition.

"What'd he say?" Julio asked.

"He said he'd come."

"Good. By the way, my mom and dad and Gabriella are coming tonight. They're sitting separately obviously and they probably won't understand what's going on, but they wanted to come support you."

"Aw, that's super sweet. Theo said he and his mom were gonna come tonight. I think Samantha and Brett are coming tomorrow, too."

The young man started the car, then pulled out of the station and headed down the street. He quietly sang along to the song that was playing, but was interrupted after a couple minutes.

"Hey, thanks for taking me out today. I had fun," Julio said, "and it did help."

"Good."

"I almost pissed myself laughing so hard when you tried to show off and ended up face-planting in the foam pit."

Drake laughed with him. "Charlie thought it was a dope trick."

"Honestly, I think Megan and Kenzly thought it was part of your trick, too."

"I'm glad you came in after me. I was two seconds away from a full-on meltdown. That foam pit is scary as fuck. I couldn't even move and I felt like I was drowning."

He could remember being stuck and unsure which way was up and which was down. His brain had been getting close to throwing him into a vivid, nightmarish flashback, but then he heard Julio's voice, which was calming despite the hysterical laughter. I got you, bruh. Hang on. Julio knew him well enough to come save him and he appreciated that.

"Charlie looked like she had a lot of fun, too," the younger boy said.

"I know. Oh my god. I love her."

"I got a few good pictures of you two on my phone. I'll send them to you."

"Thanks." Drake yawned. "Fuck, I'm exhausted."

"Shit, bruh. You gonna be good for the show tonight? Maybe you should take a nap before you go."

"Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. Make sure I hear my alarm."

"I'm so ready for you to be done with that whole fucking play. I'm tired of cooking dinner every night."

Drake rolled his eyes and the conversation ended there. He went back to singing softly as Julio played on his phone.

---

It was the morning before the last showing of Rent, so he spent it just like he'd spent just about every other day this week: with Charlie. He waited in the backyard for her like he always did. One day, he would have the strength to actually go inside. He wanted to so badly. He wanted to be able to eat a meal at the table with her and put her down for a nap and watch television with her and just watch her do whatever it was that she did throughout the day. This wasn't Martin Parker's house anymore. There wasn't a raging alcoholic inside waiting behind every corner to catch him fucking up. There wasn't a power-hungry monster ready to show off his strength and control by pinning him down and violating him. Instead, there was an incredible woman who loved him unconditionally despite every shitty thing he had ever put her through. There was a young girl who wanted nothing more than to build a relationship with her big bro. There was a beautiful lady who always had his back no matter what. There was a tiny child who looked up to him and felt nothing but love for him. They were his family.

A toothy grin took over the majority of his face when he heard the back door open. Seconds later, he saw Charlie racing towards him and, for a second, he felt all of his worries slip away. She had her arms up in the air like she was ready for him to lift her. When she reached him, he scooped her up in his arms and squeezed her tight.

"Daddy!"

"Hey, baby." He kissed her hair. "I missed you so much."

---

Author's Note: Wow, it's been about three months since my last update. I suck. Hope everyone's staying safe during this wack plague. Gonna keep it short since the chapter was so incredibly long. Please review. I haven't gotten any reviews for the last two chapters, which is partly why I've been so bleh about editing this chapter. I spent a lot of time on it, though, as you can tell by its length. Anyway, you better be washing your hands, bruh. CCC ya!