A Holiday by Decree
~~ Day 9 ~~
What could Sansa mean? The renewal of her tears wrenched his battered heart. "Oh, Sansa," Tyrion lamented.
She continued matter-of-factly in spite of her voice breaking: "Y-you see, I now know that I-I underestimated w-what he took from me."
Tyrion's brow furrowed. Thankfully his mind caught up with his feelings at her dark but cryptic revelation. Tyrion could only guess Sansa referred to Ramsay, but he could not get derailed at the mention of the sick bastard. More importantly, Sansa's pain was breaking Tyrion's heart. He needed to help her past it.
"Sansa, I don't understand," he started.. " What are you scared is lost? I will never pretend to know all your feelings - it wouldn't be right - but if this is somehow about your inability to have children, you already know how I feel about that -"
However, Sansa shook her head. "No, no, no, I know that, and you don't know how much that means," Sansa confessed, sending thrilling, hopeful jolts through Tyrion. Still, his worries prevailed at her behavior.
She continued tremulously: "Tyrion, I'm scared, because when you touched my back, it's like my body and my feelings were transported back in time, like to how I felt after Ramsay would…hurt me. I didn't know, couldn't know how he could still haunt me like this!"
Her grip with one hand on his was frightfully tight, but Tyrion bore with it. Sansa was fighting to get this out, despite furiously wiping more tears from her eyes with her free hand, "Tyrion, you don't know how I have kept everyone at arm's length! But now when I finally want to let someone in - to let you in - what if I can't? I want to be touched, I want to be loved, and what if I just can't? I'm so afraid!" she cried.
Tyrion gently added his free hand to their handhold, but he did not move to touch her otherwise. Now understanding what Sansa wanted, he was relaxing back from notions that he should part from her; instead, he would have to fight the fire that her now-spoken desires had instantly fueled in him.
And fight Tyrion would, because nothing else mattered here - Sansa was worth it, and she deserved only happiness.
Therefore, Tyrion merely gazed at her in a way he hoped would show how full of love and desire for her healing he felt - in spite of all her fears. It was rare that either of them could bear themselves to anyone in such a way, and he wanted Sansa to know she was not alone.
He tried his best to put calm into his voice while finding the right words: "Sansa, please don't cry because you cannot know how well I understand what it means to be afraid nothing will be well ever again. However, the fact that I'm here with you now, sharing this moment, as awful as it seems, attests that it's worth it to never give up hoping and trying for more."