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Warning this covers the episode with Jamie's suicide attempt and Beth's assault
Lexi got back to the ranch late that afternoon. She went to the cabin first to change, spotting her phone on the small kitchen table. Attached to it was a sticky note with her new number and "I'm sorry, Jamie" at the bottom.
She sighed, tossing the sticky note away before taking both phones with her, intending to return Jamie's to him. She went into the lodge and something felt off in the main room, though she couldn't exactly place what it was. Kaycee and her dad were still down with the cowboys, she knew that much. Beth's car was gone, but Jamie's was there. He must be in his room, she thought, heading for the stairs. The door was closed, so she knocked gently.
"Jamie, it's me," she called.
Silence.
"Jamie, c'mon," she sighed. "You and I are good, all right?"
Nothing.
"Let's go for a late ride or something," she offered.
Stillness.
"Well, at least take your phone back," she said, opening the door. Jamie wasn't there. If Jamie wasn't there, but his car was, where was he? That's when she realized what was wrong in the main room.
Running back for confirmation, she spotted the gun cabinet open and one of them was missing.
"DAD!"
They were able to hear her screaming all the way down by the barn.
"DAD!" she was screeching as she sprinted down the hill, losing one of her slip on shoes in the process, hair flying wildly behind her. Younger and faster, Ryan got to her first, though Kaycee and John weren't far behind.
"Baby, what is it?" Ryan asked as he caught her by her arms, voice panicked.
"It's Jamie, Jamie, I can't find him," she was stammering, motioning to the house.
"He probably tore out for a little Lex," Kaycee tried to calm her.
"He left me an apology note," she tried to explain, her thoughts racing as she tried to gather them.
"Lord knows he owes you a few," John said.
"His car is here but one of the guns is missing," she finally blurted out. "He left me a note," she repeated, her eyes welling up now as the realization fully hit her. "Dad, daddy, you don't think he…"
"We'll go find out," John assured her, motioning for Rip. "We'll go out on horseback, you two on foot," he nodded to Ryan and Kaycee.
"Head up to the cabin," Ryan was telling Lexi and she shook her head.
"We don't know his frame of mind right now," Kaycee agreed with Ryan and Lexi gave in, heading up the hill to the cabin to wait, which was excruciating.
John and Rip took off, not knowing where Jamie would have gone or how far of a head start he really had. Ryan and Kaycee hung loosely together as they made their way down the few paths and trails looking for any sign of Jamie. Spotting something out of place, Ryan walked that way, seeing Jamie now in the middle of the field.
Jamie let out a heavy sigh when he saw Ryan coming towards him.
"You don't have to pretend you care I'm out here," Jamie informed him.
"I think we both know that I don't personally," Ryan agreed with him. No use arguing, though of course Ryan didn't want Jamie dead.
"You can turn around then," Jamie told him now.
"I can't do that," Ryan shook his head now. "I can't watch your sister lose another brother."
"You can't act like she's not better off without me," Jamie reminded him.
"You protected her today Jamie," Ryan reminded him of that morning on the phone with Matt. "You are the one that she went to when she was in trouble in California. Not Lee or Kaycee, you. She loves you, Jamie, and she will be devastated if something happens to you."
"I messed things up for her and now this with Sarah…" He was trailing off now. "I can't do this, I can't live with this."
"What about Kaycee?" Ryan asked now, stalling for more time. He spotted Kaycee coming up behind Jamie now but gave him a look that told him to hold off for a second. He didn't want Jamie to feel overwhelmed and do something in a panic.
"Lee talked to me about your dad a lot," Ryan continued. "About how hard it was being his oldest and now that's you," he motioned. "Do you want that to fall on Kaycee if you're gone?" Jamie seemed to be contemplating putting the gun down.
"Beth-"
"Forget about Beth," Ryan cut him off. "Forget about your dad even. Do not do this to Lexi and Kaycee. They need you and so does this place. They won't be able to run it without you." He held out his hand. "C'mon," he encouraged and Jamie handed him the gun. Kaycee hurried over now, helping his brother to his feet. The two of them walked him back to the house, with Kaycee calling John for him and Rip to come back. Lexi spotted them outside, running out the cabin door and throwing her arms around Jamie when she saw him.
"Don't do that to me," she accused as she hugged him tight, chin resting on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry," he said, voice shaking as he hugged her back.
"Don't leave me," she made him promise.
…
Jamie wasn't sure what kind of turn his life had taken in the last few days. Monica and Tate were moving to the ranch to live with Kaycee full time as the couple was back together. There was talk of getting Tate a horse and John was insisting that Kaycee and Monica take his room, allowing Tate to have Kaycee's old room; John would take one of the guest rooms. Lexi and Ryan, of course, were living in Lee's old cabin, no matter how much Lexi insisted she still lived at the lodge.
Jamie's room was now empty as he was being moved to the bunkhouse after what happened that day. Rip walked him from the lodge to the bunkhouse, pointing out a bunk before answering a phone call from Beth. Jamie never felt so out of place.
"Jamie," Ryan caught his attention from where the guys were all playing poker. "You want in?" he offered. Jamie accepted, going to sit with the rest of them.
They played a few rounds before they were all tired and ready for bed. While the others were getting ready to turn into their bunks, Ryan gathered himself to get ready to head back up to the cabin. It felt a little weirder now, staying up there while Jamie was now sleeping down here. Colby decided to verbalize these thoughts.
"It's kinda weird, right?" Colby said to Ryan, noting the change in the hierarchy around here. He was never as quiet as he thought he was, with Ryan giving his shoulder a small shove to know it wasn't cool. Yeah, Jamie hadn't ever been nice to him and yeah things had definitely changed around here. Given what Jamie went through that day though, he didn't need that thrown in his face. Ryan left and Jamie waited a second, seeming to contemplate something before grabbing two beers from the refrigerator, heading out the door now.
"Hey, Ryan," he called, catching up with him on the hill. Ryan looked at him, wondering what he wanted. "Can I talk to you?" he asked, offering the beer.
"Ah, sure," Ryan shrugged, taking it and nodding for Jamie to follow him; they sat outside on the cabin's small porch, knowing Lexi would be asleep by now.
"I wanted to thank you, for today," Jamie told him. "I don't deserve someone being so nice to me, least of all you." He shrugged. "I know I've been shitty to you over the years." Ryan snorted to keep from laughing but felt better about it when Jamie laughed a little at him laughing.
"I love your sister," Ryan reminded him now and Jamie nodded. "That and I figured Lee's already wanting to haunt me for living with her, nevermind if I let something happen to you too." Jamie laughed a little more now, which made Ryan smile.
"I know you don't think I'm good enough for her," Ryan continued now, deciding now was the time to clear the air but Jamie shook his head.
"It's not that," Jamie told him, taking a drink of his beer.
"Then what is it?" Ryan asked in confusion. Why else would Jamie have been so awful to him all these years?
"Ah, because I was jealous," Jamie shook his head as he admitted it. "You and Lee just…clicked," he settled on the word. "You were best friends, brothers in a way he and I weren't." He shrugged. "It only got worse when I left for Boston and you were still here."
Ryan had never realized that was what was really at the root of all of it.
"Then you started dating my sister, my dad loves you," Jamie continued. "You and Kaycee still hung out after he left. I don't know," he shrugged finally. "I guess it was just easier to be a judging older brother than admit all that about my brothers," he said lightly, finishing his beer.
"Guess so," Ryan shrugged, setting his empty beer aside now. "You know how much Lee loved you, right?"
Jamie just shrugged.
"Especially when you were gone, he went on and on about how proud he was of you," Ryan told him truthfully. "His little brother, gone to Harvard," he continued.
"I don't know how proud he would be of me now," Jamie admitted. "All this shit with Lexi…" He trailed off, shaking his head. "I never should have let her go back to California alone."
"That's something you and I have in common then," Ryan told him. "Because I should have gone with her in the first place." He offered his hand to Jamie which he took in a handshake. They heard the door to the cabin opening, with Lexi coming out sleepily in her pajamas.
"I thought I heard voices out here, but now I must be dreaming," she yawned, noting the two of them shaking hands. She hadn't heard what they were talking about, just the murmur of their voices. "You two good?"
"Yeah, I think so," Ryan nodded, patting Jamie's shoulder as he got up.
"Jamie?" she questioned, still worried about him.
"We're good," he assured her, kissing her head before heading back to his new living arrangement.
…
A couple nights later, Ryan was hanging out in the bunkhouse again as he waited for Lexi to finish her shift at the hospital. He knew it must have been a long day when she got to the bunkhouse because she hadn't even bothered to change out of her scrubs, stopping to kiss him quickly at the table before going to grab a drink.
"Long day?" He asked as she was taking a long drink.
"Just constant today," she told him. "And I swear, if I take care of one more bachelorette's broken wrist from that damn mechanical bull at that place on fifth, I'm taking a sledgehammer to it."
"No one told me it was bachelorette party season," Colby accused and a few laughed.
"In the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday I swear," Lexi was still ranting as she came to stand behind Ryan's chair. The game was a little smaller than usual that night, with a few gathered around the tv as well as Jamie stretching out on his bunk already. Rip was gone, but who knew where.
"So, I guess this wouldn't be a time for me to ask you somethin' about your ex?" Colby was saying to her now.
"What?" She asked in confusion.
"It's kinda serious," he continued. She looked at Ryan who just shrugged, wondering what this was about as well.
"Ok, shoot," she said, having no idea where this was going.
"Is his name really Matheson?" he asked, having heard Jamie on the phone with him the other day; Jamie laughed from his bunk; there were a few other chuckles then as Jamie had laughed.
"I can't stand you," Lexi laughed, tossing the pop tab from her beer can at Colby.
"It is a little hard not to judge you for that one baby," Ryan told her and she playfully shoved his shoulder.
After picking on her and then finishing their game, Lexi and Ryan headed up to his cabin for the night. He sat on the couch to finish the drink he had started while she went to change. She came back soon after though, still in her scrubs.
"Thought you were changing," he told her, yawning a little as it was getting late.
"I thought maybe you could help me," she grinned, sitting with one leg on each side of him. Tired as he was, he didn't object, pulling her close to kiss her. He broke their kiss just a moment to peel her scrubs top over her head.
And then both of them jumped as the door to the cabin burst open.
"Do you knock Dutton?!" she snapped at Kaycee, grabbing her shirt as she moved to sit next to Ryan.
"We gotta go," he started and the urgency in his voice changed her tune. "Rip called, some kind of emergency at Beth's office. They need a doctor." She noticed he already had her emergency kit from the bunkhouse.
"Where's dad?" she asked as she and Ryan followed Kaycee out to his truck, but John was already gone.
…
Lexi couldn't believe what she saw when they got to her sister's office.
There was glass everywhere. And blood, so much blood. There were bodies, one was her assistant she had met and two men she never saw before.
And then there was her sister standing at the end of the conference table, beaten and bloody.
"Bethy-"
"Get him first," Beth told her, motioning to the chair nearby. Lexi had hardly noticed Rip at first because she was used to him being such a large presence. He was slumped back in the chair, breathing heavy, the right side of his shirt stained with blood.
She could hear her father, brother and boyfriend discussing what happened, saying this had to do with the Beck brothers she had been hearing about. First the cattle, now this? She forced her focus on Rip versus worrying about what was next.
"Whatcha think kid?" Rip asked lightly as she had pushed his shirt up to get a look at the wounds; 2 different gunshot wounds.
"This one passed through," she noted as she looked closely. "This one looks like it's wedged against your ribs." She pulled his shirt back down as she stood to turn to her dad. "We have to go to the hospital."
"You know we can't do that," John reminded her. Hospitals meant questions.
"I can't remove the bullet here," she said, lowering her voice. "And even if I could, I don't have anything to cauterize…" She shook her head. "He's gonna get an infection if nothing else."
"Alexa," John said seriously. They couldn't go to a hospital; they couldn't lose Rip either.
"….ok," she nodded, thinking of something. "Ok, we're gonna have to head down the block to Keith's office. Bring Rip around back," she told her dad and Ryan, knowing Kaycee was staying to cover the rest of this up.
She and Beth made their way down the street quickly, with Lexi putting the alarm code in with ease, unlocking the door with a key from her medical kit. They went into an exam room and Beth watched as Lexi got everything ready.
"We have a minute, sit," Lexi ordered. Beth seemed put off. "Bethy, I need to make sure you don't have a concussion." Beth obliged her sister, sitting on the exam table. Lexi did her usual flashlight to check the pupils, having Beth follow her finger, telling Lexi the day and her birthday.
"If you want to talk about it, we can," Lexi offered, though she knew her sister would shoot that down.
"Talk about what," Beth predictably said.
"About being scared for your life," Lexi said, reminding her sister she unfortunately had experience there. They heard the others at the back entrance, with Lexi letting them inside. She was just pulling her gloves on as she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket.
"Ryan, can you," she started to ask, not wanting to touch anything before she started working on Rip.
"It's your boss," Ryan told her as he pulled the phone from her scrubs pocket and she told him to put it on speaker.
"Hello?" she answered normally as she prepared to pull the bullet from Rip's side.
"Alexa," Keith said seriously. "Why am I getting calls from the alarm company in the middle of the night?"
She looked puzzled.
"The code is your wife's birthday," she said as though it were obvious. Naturally, her puzzlement didn't have to do with her boss choosing her of all people to call. "It shouldn't have gone off."
"Except they call me when there's unusual activity," he pointed out to her, still not thrilled. "How do you even have that?"
"Your receptionist gave it to me to pick up stuff for my med kit," she reminded him, ordering her supplies for the ranch through his office rather than the hospital. At that point, Rip groaned as she pulled the bullet out.
"What's going on there?" Keith asked.
"An emergency?" Lexi said, though it sounded more like a question.
"There's a room for that," her boss said, still annoyed. "What have you got me into?"
"Nothing, if you hang up in the next 30 seconds," she informed him.
"Why thirty-"
"So I can remind you that I'm the best doctor you have, you said so yourself," she cut him off. "And that I'm the one that saved your ass last month when you forgot Mindy's birthday."
Keith was silent. John lowered his head to keep from chuckling.
"Lock up when you're done Dutton," Keith said before hanging up.
"No more Alexa is a good sign," she said lightly as she finished cauterizing Rip's deeper wounds. She felt her father's appreciative hand squeezing her shoulder.
Once she was done stitching Rip's outer wounds, she ordered him back to the house and to stay in bed until further notice. Her father planned to take Beth and Rip back while she and Ryan took Beth's car over to the hospital so she could get prescriptions for Rip. He needed something for pain and she was worried about infection.
There were a few stations scattered throughout the ER for doctors and nurses, each with their own set of chairs and computers, across from the small curtained off bed spaces for patients. She slipped into a chair at an empty station, Ryan standing on the opposite side, leaning against the counter.
"Been seeing you in your element a lot lately," he commented as she logged into the computer. First her dad's ulcer, now this? Not to mention the regular, run of the mill injuries the guys got at the ranch.
"Unfortunately," she said, though she did smile at him. She noticed one of her coworkers coming over. While she worked mornings into afternoons he worked afternoons into nights; their shifts overlapped so they worked together a lot.
"You back?" He asked curiously.
"Barely, I just need a script," she was saying, typing away. "Ryan, this is Rob. Rob, my boyfriend Ryan."
"Hey," Rob said, shaking his hand.
"Good to meet you," Ryan nodded politely. This guy was about what Ryan pictured Matt to be like in California, before he found out about the abuse. Good looking, smart, successful. The picture of kids in expensive private schools started creeping in again.
"It won't let me just print a script without entering a patient, will it?" Lexi asked Rob of the system, annoyed.
"Ah, I don't think," Rob shook his head, leaning next to Ryan against the counter. "What happened?"
"My brother got himself hurt, he's too hard headed to come in here," she lied with ease; she rolled her eyes playfully in Ryan's direction. "Damn cowboys." He made a playful face at her.
"Shit, what did he do?"
"Sliced his hand pretty bad on some equipment, I got him stitched up ok, but he's gonna need something for pain." She paused, contemplating something. "Do you think augmentin and flagyl would be too much for his stomach?"
"You worried about GI bacteria?" Rob asked in confusion. "For the hand you should just need the augmentin."
"Have I mentioned these guys work and basically live in a barn?" she asked lightly, going with both antibiotics. Rob was getting called now to one of the beds, saying goodbye quickly.
"Stop with the look," Lexi informed Ryan as she waited for the prescriptions to print.
"What look?" He asked.
"If I got together with another doctor and only had medicine to talk about all day, I would go crazy," she teased him, knowing him well. She stood up and leaned over the counter to kiss him. "No one but you."
"No one but you," he repeated back to her with a smile.
They got the prescriptions filled at the 24 hour place across the street from the hospital, getting back to the ranch at close to two in the morning. Kaycee was back, sitting up and talking with John about the night once more before he planned to turn in.
"They up?" Lexi asked.
"I assume so," John nodded as she went for the stairs, Ryan waiting downstairs for her to go to his cabin. "I would go ahead and get comfortable," her father said and she stopped on the stairs. "Everyone sleeps here until this is over." He looked to Ryan. "Yourself included."
"Yes sir," Lexi nodded, thinking how sad it was her dad was too scared to have her sleep in a cabin 10 yards away. What was worse was Jamie wasn't seemingly included in "everyone."
After she got Rip started on his meds, she went back to her room where she found Ryan waiting for her. He told her he got put on driving her to and from work detail, which he wholly agreed with. With the adrenaline of that night wearing off, everything was really starting to set in for her about what their situation was.
"What is it?" Ryan asked her as she got into bed next to him, laying on their sides facing each other. She ran her fingers gently from his chest down to his side, the same side Rip had been shot in earlier that night protecting her sister.
"Please don't get yourself hurt," Lexi nearly begged. She couldn't stand the thought of pulling a bullet out of Ryan like she had with Rip. And, worse, what if that person got a better shot?
Ryan took her hand, kissing the back of it.
"I hope you don't think I'd be sitting by, letting that happen to you," he said, reminding her of what happened to her sister.
"No, I know, it's just-" She was cut off by him kissing her.
"Your safety is all I care about," he told her once he pulled away.
"And yours is what I care about," she reasoned.
"I'll be careful," he compromised with her. "But, I can't promise anything if you're in danger, ok?" She nodded quietly in agreement, going to kiss him again before holding onto him tight for the rest of the night.