A/N: Some dialogue (ie almost all of Willow and Tara's lines) have been modified from OMWF and Tabula Rasa since we're going off cannon in this story and I'm not covering those episodes but still exploring a few of the issues addressed in them.
Spike accepted the now empty soup bowl from Buffy as she readjusted the blanket around her shoulders. "Want another, pet?"
She shook her head. "I think two is my limit."
"Lightweight," he teased. "Feeling any better?"
"Maybe a little," she hummed sleepily with a shrug. The fact that the soup was some of the best she ever tasted was a welcome surprise. She wasn't sure what to expect when he'd handed her the first bowl until she got it right under her stuffy nose and could smell the garlic and herbs he'd added to it.
Buffy gave him a weak smile. It was nice to have someone taking care of her for a change.
Spike nodded, leaving to deposit the bowl in the sink.
"Hey, eh, Spike?" Buffy called out tentatively.
Spike poked his head back through the doorway with an expectant expression on his face. "Yeah, Luv?"
"Can you turn out the lights? My eyes are kinda stingy," she grimaced.
"Sure thing," he answered, flicking off all the lights as he came back into the living room to sit next to her on the couch. Buffy could already feel the pressure in her eyes easing. She relaxed watching him in the dim light coming in from outside the window as he smoothed his palms over his thighs in a nervous gesture that was simultaneously alien and familiar.
"What are you really doing here, Spike? There's no way you knew I was sick," Buffy sniffed, reaching for another tissue.
Spike shifted in his seat, turning toward her slightly as he stretched an arm along the back of the couch as though he were settling in to tell her a story. "Got me there, Slayer. It was the damndest thing, I was—"
He was cut off abruptly when Willow and Tara came into the dimly lit entranceway, obviously in mid-argument.
"I don't see what the big deal is. I was helping. You can't tell me that the cleaning spell was a bad thing. It literally worked like a charm," Willow's voice filtered into the living room where Buffy and Spike sat in the dark. Neither of the witches seemed to notice them listening to their conversation as though they were part of a radio play.
"That's not the point, Will! Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should! You're using too much magic!" Tara huffed, her voice filled with exasperation, as though she had repeated herself twenty times already.
Spike caught Buffy's eye, giving her an amused smirk. Buffy kicked his leg but it didn't wipe the glee off his face.
"That's ridiculous, I was helping—" Willow retorted.
"You just jumped right to the simplest solution. You didn't even stop to consider what she was really asking for and then to do it right in front of her like that?" Tara hissed in a strained attempt to keep her voice quiet.
"It was just a little magical dusting, it's not like I went full Fantasia," Willow countered in a pleading tone.
"It was reckless and selfish, Will!"
"Selfish? How was it—"
"It wasn't about the cleaning, don't you understand that? She wanted our company while she was doing something to take her mind off of Frank. What you did was the opposite of what she needed!"
"Magic should only be used when you've exhausted all of the mundane options. But you're just jumping straight to magic without even considering your other choices. When's the last time you even did your hair or brushed your teeth without magic?" A wobble in Tara's voice told Buffy that she was on the verge of tears.
Buffy exchanged a wide-eyed glance with Spike before they both turned their attention back to the witches.
"Tara? Baby," Willow pleaded. "I'm sorry. I'll— I'll lay off the magic, I'll—"
Tara sniffed. "Look, we're both tired and I don't want to fight, I just— let's talk about it in the morning alright?"
"Tara—" Willow whimpered as Tara darted upstairs without a backward glance, leaving her alone in the dining room.
Buffy made a move to free herself from the confines of her blanket and go to her friend, but Spike stilled her with a gentle hand on her knee. Buffy glared at him angrily, but he just rolled his eyes and shook his head, nodding towards Willow. With his other hand, he patted the air in a "calm down" gesture.
Buffy frowned at that but shifted back against her pillow as Willow ascended the stairs, muttering, "I can fix it. I can make it right, you'll see…"
Buffy could feel her brow crinkle as she looked back to Spike. "What the hell was that about?"
"Would seem the love birds are havin' a bit of a rift," he answered with the air of a theater patron.
"You're enjoying this."
Spike shrugged. "Maybe a bit," he paused thoughtfully, his face growing more serious. "I will say this though. Think Glinda the Good has a point. Red wouldn't be the first one to dive off the deep end and she's been working the mojo enough to do some internal damage."
"Okay, maybe it's the three pounds of snot crowding out my brain cells but— huh?"
"Magic always comes with a price, you know that and Red's clearly been pushing the scales since bringing you back."
"So what's happening is my fault?" Buffy sniffled, reaching for yet another tissue.
Spike pinned her with a hard stare. "Let's get one thing perfectly clear, Slayer, whatever Red or any of your mates are getting up to is on them, not you. Understand?"
"Yeah, sure, right up to the point where they get into real trouble and I have to bail them out."
"This, whatever this is, it isn't your fault," he replied, blue eyes burning intensely enough to make Buffy take notice of the seriousness of his words.
She picked at the chapped skin of her bottom lip, taking a moment to let what he was trying to tell her sink in. An odd sense of unease unfurled within her stomach and she took a deep breath, trying to shake it off. "Fine, it's not my fault, but she's still my best friend. How am I supposed to help her with whatever is going on if I'm barely keeping things together as it is?"
Spike shook his head, shifting forward on the edge of the cushion. "Afraid I don't have much experience in the specifics of this sort of thing… suppose it's a bit like any addiction, just got to keep a close lookout."
Buffy chewed on that thought for a moment, looking up abruptly when Spike stood. "Where are you going?"
A smirk tugged at Spike's lips. "Thought I'd let you get some rest. Unless you'd prefer I stay."
"Oh no- definitely not… sleep is good."
"Thought as much." Buffy shifted further down onto the couch flipping the blanket in an attempt to cover her feet. Spike tugged the blanket down for her, tucking her feet in. "There you are, all snug now. Bit surprised you're not going to bed."
Buffy shook her head. "TV is down here and I keep waking up anyway." She stiffened as Spike leaned down, moving hair from her forehead. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Relax, just checkin' your temperature."
"Your fingers are cold."
"And yet oddly accurate," he replied, wiggling his eyebrows at her.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Are you done?"
Spike withdrew his hand, straightening up. His eyes softened as he spoke. "You're warm but not too bad. I left the soup in the fridge, it should help knock this out of your system."
She nodded, letting her eyes flutter closed as he walked away, barely registering the sound of the back door closing as he left. Her mind continued to wander between Spike's oddly sweet care of her and the argument they had witnessed. Everything was so topsy-turvy, she wasn't sure what to make of any of it. Even still, she couldn't help but notice how her mind seemed to settle solidly on Spike as she drifted off to sleep.
(*)
By the third day, Buffy had all but kicked the cold, she was still a little stuffed up, although she was powering through it well and her throat no longer felt like she'd swallowed glass. Anya had welcomed her back to the shop and promptly put her to work unloading several new shipments from the various suppliers they used. In fact, Anya seemed giddy about almost everything that day. By the time the gang had started to assemble for a post-closing meeting, Anya's overly chipper mood had begun to wear Buffy's patience thin.
Willow and Tara were the last to arrive, acting almost as though the fight had never happened. It struck Buffy as strange that neither of them had brought it up at all, and if they had managed to work things out, then Buffy sure wasn't going to be the one to broach the topic.
Buffy locked the shop door, striding over to the table to take a seat next to Dawn. Exhaustion radiated through her bones and she desperately hoped this meeting wasn't going to end with her having to go on patrol when she frankly wasn't up for it yet.
Willow took a seat on Buffy's other side while Tara pulled out a book and started flipping through it with a casual interest. Although everything seemed fine between the two witches now, Buffy couldn't help but notice how Tara had chosen to sit next to Dawn rather than Willow as she normally would.
Everyone's attention naturally fell upon Giles who simply removed his glasses. "I'm afraid I'm in the dark about this meeting as much as the rest of you," he said, gesturing to Anya from where she stood with Xander by the counter with a massive smile on her face.
Xander looked slightly nervous but happy all the same as he gave Anya a reassuring smile.
"Oh, I feel a happy news announcement coming on…" Dawn sing-songed in Buffy's ear.
"Xander and I have some exciting news to share! We're going to be starting our family!" Anya announced.
"Wohh, that can't be right. I was just joking…," Dawn replied with a shocked breath as Willow, Tara, and Giles began offering shocked congratulations, nearly drowning out Xander's sputtering confused denial.
Xander raised both hands in the air. "Hold it, hold it! I think there's been some big-time miswording here! There will be no babies!"
"Yet," Anya reminded helpfully, breaking the tension a fraction.
Xander nodded. "Right. Yet…" Everyone's eyes seemed to settle on Xander as he wrapped his arms around Anya. "What Anya is trying to say is that there's going to be a new Mr. & Mrs. Harris listed in the phone book. We're getting married!"
The remaining tension that had been hanging in the air dissipated with the announcement.
"Ohh this calls for a party!" Willow exclaimed.
"Way ahead of 'ya there, Wills! Friday night we're having a little get-together at our place, call it a mini-engagement party."
"You do realize that's only two days' notice right?" Buffy inquired.
Xander frowned. "We wanted to announce it the other day but—"
"But I was doing my germ factory impression," Buffy finished for him.
"Hum… yes?" he hedged apologetically.
Anya fished into her pocket, pulled out her ring, and slipped it onto her finger. "Not me, I've been wanting to show off my ring for months but Xander said I had to wait," she said, moving closer to the table and holding out her hand for everyone to see the sparkling diamond.
"It's beautiful," Tara commented.
"Nice job, Xan," Willow said with a smile directed toward her friend.
Dawn giggled and nudged Buffy in the leg. "Phew, that was a close one. I seriously thought this was going to be big-time baby news. Remember your horoscope from the other day?"
"A second ago you were just joking, nice backpedal," Buffy teased.
"Oh, Xander told me about that!" Anya interjected. "My menstrual cycle was a few days late… he kinda freaked out until the cramps started."
Giles removed his glasses, cleaning them with his handkerchief. "Oh dear, lord…"
"Oh it's alright, I'm not sure if either of us is ready for kids yet. We won't really start trying until after the wedding," Anya beamed happily.
Xander pulled her back to his side. "I think that's enough of that for one night, don't you, sweetheart?"
"Absolutely! But you know what we could do? We could go home and start practicing our baby-creating technique," Anya offered.
(*)
Dawn chewed on her bottom lip as she walked side-by-side with her sister on the way home. Tara and Willow's skirts swayed as they walked several paces ahead of them. Dawn glanced sideways at her sister. "Can I ask you something?"
Buffy hummed in response, already starting to fantasize about snuggling into her nice cozy bed with her pillows and Mr. Gordo.
"I know you're not into the horoscope stuff, but something's been bothering me," Dawn admitted.
"Like what? Are you finally realizing that horoscopes are vague for a reason?"
"Well duh, they're intended to be used for people over a wide audience, they have to be sort of vague."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Alright, fine. So what's the bother about?"
"Mine was really weird this morning. It said 'Someone near to you has been struggling with a painful secret. Always remember to practice compassion with those around you'."
Buffy looked down watching her feet strike the sidewalk in front of her as she walked. "Ah huh…" she croaked, a pang of guilt slicing through her and she desperately hoped Dawn would chalk it up to her dissipating cold.
"Well, I was wondering if you've noticed anything weird with Tara or Willow lately. I know Tara has some stuff going on but I wasn't sure if that counted because it's not exactly a secret, right?"
Buffy sighed in relief. Crisis averted for the moment. "Oh, huh sure, I bet that's it. I mean she hasn't talked about it much so I guess there could be a whole lot of stuff she's keeping bottled up."
"Really?" Dawn asked, looking for reassurance.
"Look. Even if that's not it, don't you think maybe whoever might be keeping a secret, might also have a good reason to?"
"But it was really specific; it said 'painful'. If someone close to me is in pain because of some secret— They should just come out with it already. I mean, I'd kinda like to know so maybe I can help fix it," Dawn replied.
Buffy pressed her lips together in a fine line in an attempt to keep her emotions (and her tongue) in check, breathing out through her nose before allowing herself to speak. "Dawnie… I think maybe you should just let this one go, alright? Maybe just focus on that compassion thing and start doing your fair share of chores around the house to take some of the load off— that— that would be helpful…" Buffy trailed off when she noticed the puzzled look Dawn was giving her.
"Buffy, you know I'm here for you if you need to talk, don't you? Whatever you need, I'm here," Dawn said with unyielding sincerity.
"I'm fine, Dawnie, I'm the Slayer. I have to be fine."
They were both quiet for a long while as they neared their house.
"You know what you need?" Dawn chirped suddenly, breaking the silence.
"I bet you're going to tell me."
"A boyfriend," Dawn grinned, adding a little bounce to her step.
"Oh, we are so not going there," Buffy groaned.
"No, hear me out. From what I can figure out your past boyfriends were compatible with your Capricorn-ness, but that's not even close to everything that makes up who you are. What you need is someone who helps balance that out with your Aquarius-ness," Dawn explained.
Buffy blinked at her sister several times. "Huh?"
"Think about it like this. You're more than just the Slayer, right?"
"Like I need reminding," she huffed.
"But you're also more than just a Capricorn. Being on the cusp means you have traits of both and I think you've been neglecting your Aquarius side for way too long."
Buffy eyed her sister with a dubious expression. "You need to get out more. Seriously. Lay off the books."
Dawn returned her gaze. "I think maybe Cancer would be a good match for you."
"Yeah, right, I'll get right on that. I'll just use all the free time I don't have hunting down my perfect Cancer guy who probably won't stick around anyway. The biggest of NOs," Buffy grumbled, rolling her eyes.
Dawn looked like she was about to say something else when Tara's voice filtered back to them on the breeze. "I found it under my pillow, Will, I know you're lying to me. I looked it up at the shop, I know you used some kind of memory spell on me I'm just not sure why."
"Tara that's— It's not what you think, it's—"
"After everything we've been through? Everything I've been through with Glory, how could you violate my mind like this?" Tara said as she mounted the Summer's porch steps, opening the door.
Buffy and Dawn hung back on the porch for a beat, sharing a concerned glance before following the two witches inside. Buffy let the door close softly behind her as Willow and Tara stood next to the stairs effectively blocking their path.
"Baby— I'm sorry, I— It was nothing, it was just a silly argument and I didn't want to fight," Willow whined.
The puzzle pieces were starting to fall into place within Buffy's mind at the same time realization seemed to dawn across Tara's face.
"If you don't wanna fight, you don't fight. You don't use magic to make a fight disappear."
Buffy cleared her throat. "I think maybe Dawn and I should leave you two alone to work this out." She made a move to tug her sister upstairs, but before Buffy could grasp her by the elbow, Dawn backed away from her.
"No, I'm not going anywhere. I live in this house too. Someone is keeping secrets, Buffy, and I think you know exactly what it is."
Buffy could feel her heart rate jump but tried to stay calm. "This isn't about that, Dawn. It's just personal— and I don't think we should get involved—"
"Why do you always do this? I'm sick of people treating me like some little kid who can't handle the truth about what's going on around here! I'm tired of the secrets and the lies!" Dawn interrupted loudly, fists clenched at her sides, anger rolling off of her.
An inexplicable urge to spill every truth she had ever kept to herself, slammed into Buffy's mind like a hurricane breaking land. Crashing against the walls she had built up so carefully, dissolving them like plaster in water.
"I wasn't in a hell dimension," Buffy blurted out suddenly, the words unbidden and flowing freely. "I- I think I was in heaven— or something like it— it— I was loved, and finished, and whole… and now I'm back here— in hell. This is hell," Buffy finished weakly. The pressure to speak suddenly released like a broken rubber band and she looked up at her sister and the friends she lived with every day. She felt her eyes widen in shock and fear. The words she never wanted her friends to hear had been forced from her and she didn't know what she was supposed to do next.
Except run.
Buffy ran out the door, not knowing where she was going, only that she couldn't stay there.
Dawn called after her sister but she was already gone. She closed the door and turned to Willow and Tara, eyes blazing. "Whatever is going on here. Whatever it takes, just fix it," she seethed before turning on her heel, stomping up the stairs to her bedroom, slamming the door shut.
Willow's face had gone white with shock as she turned to her girlfriend. "Tara…"
Tara looked like she was torn between screaming, crying, and throwing up, but by some miracle managed not to do any of them. "I thought you said you tracked her essence. We all just took your word for it that she was in a hell dimension. Did you ever actually try to find out where she was?"
"I-I just— Glory was trying to get home, the portal was open, it just—"
"You just assumed," Tara scoffed. "And we just followed your lead…" she added bitterly, clearly feeling guilty for the part she had played in Buffy's resurrection, but also feeling the hurt of Willow's betrayal acutely.
"I wanted to make things better," Willow murmured, reaching for her shoulder cautiously. "Better for us. All of us! I know I can fix it. I can fix all of this. I know a spell that can—"
"What is wrong with you?!" Tara jerked out of her grasp. "You're still not getting it! You don't get to decide what is better for us, Will, any of us. Me, Buffy, Dawn. You and I are supposed to be in a relationship, we are supposed to decide together. Those are our friends, you're supposed to talk to them about these things, not just do what you think is best, because it's not!"
Willow's face fell. "Okay. I- I realize I did it wrong."
"You did it the way you're doing everything. When things get rough, you... you just do a spell. It's not good for you, Willow, and it's not what magic is for."
"But I... I just wanna help people," Willow whimpered anxiously.
"Maybe that's how it started, but... you're helping yourself now, fixing things to your liking. Including me. What happened with Buffy… that's…" Tara shook her head sadly. "If this isn't the wake-up call you need to realize you're out of control then— I don't think this is gonna work."
"Tara, no!" Willow cried, clutching her arm in a pleading gesture. "Tara, please. I need you, baby. I need you. I don't need magic, I-I don't, I... let me prove it to you, okay? I will go a month without doing any magic. I won't do a single spell. I swear."
Tara closed her eyes, swallowed painfully, and looked at her with shining eyes. "Go a week. One week without magic."
Willow nodded emphatically. "Fine. Fine, that's easy!"
"Go a week, and then we'll see." Tara pulled her hand back. "I don't know, I just, I think we both need some space."
"Are you saying you're gonna leave me?"
Tara chewed the inside of her cheek. "I don't want to, but— There has to be a change, Will. You need to make things right. Without magic. You need to get help. Sue needs me at the bookstore and who knows what kind of help Buffy is going to need. I'm willing to put in the work, are you?"
"I am, I swear I am. Please don't leave me."
Tara set her jaw with forced calm. "A week. And we'll see."