Disclaimer: All characters from the series Inuyasha that appear in this fanfic rightfully belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I do not own anything regarding their creation; I have Rumiko Takahashi to thank for that.
Author's Notes: Sorry everyone. I know I'm super late. It's not my intention to make you guys wait for the conversation that I know many of you have been restlessly waiting for since chapter 22 (Wow! Has it been that long?). Interestingly, the exchange between SessKik wrote itself. Normally, I have to sit down and ponder hard on their dialogues since they are complex characters. However, this time, their lines flowed from one point to the next without much effort. Instead, it took me more time than anticipated trying to find the brakes so that they won't keep going and stray from the plot.
But that's enough of my lame excuses. Thank you for your patience and support. An additional gratitude to my beta-reader bubu-chibi-chan. Also a big thank you for the wonderful reviews from Reviewer, Freeh, 8579, lightpotioon, fabelliot, Yaneth Suarez, and Amina0602.
Reviewer: Thank you Reviewer for your review.
Freeh: Glad that I was able to satisfy. Your compliments are great motivation. Poor Sesshomaru, indeed. He was just opening his heart up too. Alas, the events didn't go his way. It was a devastating blow to his pride, soul, and especially heart.
8579: Thank you. I'm enthralled that you liked Kikyo's POV and my writing style. Hope that the switch back to the third person for this chapter won't ruin things for you.
lightpotioon: Hope the hype for this chapter pays off and that I didn't disappoint.
fabelliot: As always, love your reviews. Thank you for your unfailing support. Yep, chapters 36 and 37 go hand in hand, almost like a mirror as we see the events in Sesshomaru and then Kikyo's POV. Sadly, Sesshomaru did lose his primary reason for why he wanted to be powerful. He was very close when he awakened Bakusaiga's powers, only for his progress to backslide after that incident on Mt. Hakurei. As for Kikyo, yes, she did love Sesshomaru but could not abandon her duty. Sealing the memories off was the last resort for her since the evil spirit inside the jewel was using her love to corrupt her.
To answer your question, Kikyo had always needed to take in souls ever since becoming the Shikon Jewel Guardian. In chapter 20, it was explained in a small paragraph so it probably escaped your memories. It's been such a long time, after all. Additionally, she replenished discreetly in the west on nights without Sesshomaru's knowledge, and her Shinidamachu were told to avoid notice so they never came up in his POV chapters. The only indication that she needed souls in the entirety of the Kako-hen arc was in chapter 30, when Kakuju cut herself off from explaining to Sesshomaru why the souls inside the Meido Stone would aid Kikyo in her recovery. Fun fact though, the Inu no Taisho was aware of her needs and made arrangements so that she was left alone whenever she needed replenishments.
Yaneth Suarez: Yes. The last chapter is essential in terms of developing Kikyo's character and seeing how she ended up like she did when they met again. Don't worry. The endgame is SessKik so they will be together… But since this is a slow-burn romance for the sake of character development and their interests currently clash, it will take some hardship for them to finally yield to each other's charms.
Amina0602: Thanks for your review. It always is wonderful to hear from a new reader. Sorry to have left you in suspense for so long but I'm very elated that I've managed to hook you with this story. ;)
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(This chapter was betaread by bubu-chibi-chan).
Chapter 38-Vantage of the Past
"The passage of time cannot slow my advance." -Sesshomaru on time
"The sea of time claims it shall engulf all… But if that is true, why does my heart continue to yearn for the fragments of the past?" -Kikyo on time
Giving the impression that he was having a siesta with his eyes closed and back against a chair, Sesshomaru permitted his perception to be submerged in recollections.
Half a millennium ago, a chance encounter occurred. The aloof Inu Prince crossed paths with an enigmatic saint who called herself Hijiri. Their meeting was nothing spectacular. Yet, they eventually forged a bond that lasted beyond time.
No challenge wore them down. Together, they were unstoppable, triumphing against the likes of Ryukotsusei, Utsugi, and Tsubaki. From an outsider's perspective, they were the perfect match, joined together to end the stifle between human and demon kinds.
Alas, it all ended when the saint abandoned their future and threw herself down the cliff of Mt. Hakurei.
Half a millennium later, a reunion took place unbeknownst to anyone. The coldhearted Lord of the West clashed with a peculiar miko named Kikyo. Their encounter was in the middle of a chaotic battlefield. It was he who came out on top and enslaved her, forcing her to obey his every command.
"Your presence is an integral part of my conquest. Consider yourself fortunate that I have spared your pathetic life."
So narrow-mindedly engrossed in his conquest was he that he had failed to identify the possible connection between the saint and the miko. It wasn't until the bedlam that Naraku caused, which subsequently unraveled the truth behind Tessaiga's Meido Zangetsuha and unleashed Bakusaiga's sealed powers, was the veil of denial that blinded him pulled off. However, he was left with little time to digest the horde of events. Everything else was thrown to the side upon learning that Kikyo was plagued with a deadly ancient curse.
"What Kikyo needs right now are dead souls to fight against some ancient curse. The last time, there were some weak-looking white youkai that brought them over to her. But right now, there's none here. So I'm gonna go look for them."
'Kikyo, you were veracious with Inuyasha, yet said nothing to me. Why?' Accompanying the memory of the hanyou's words was the sensation of a hollow chilliness that ran down his fingers. With his hands forming fists, the daiyoukai pulled away from his thoughts and instinctively scanned his surroundings the second he opened his aureate orbs.
Nothing was out of the ordinary. He was in his temporary chambers, located deep within the fortress that had been the site of the battle between his army and the group of undead. Currently, there was one individual in the same space as him, occupying the bed. At some point, between the respites of his reflections, he had absentmindedly evacuated everyone except Masayoshi, who was made to linger until he had finished his diagnosis. When that was done, the Lord of the West sent the blind physician to the kitchen to brew the medication needed.
The Inu lord dropped his gaze to regard the woman locked in sedated slumber, her fair features serene. For the convenience of Masayoshi's examination and her comfort, he had removed the shackles on her wrists and had ordered his maids to change her out of her blood-stained garments.
If he had to be honest, then he could not deny that there was a sense of divinity that she exuded when fully dressed in white. The robe, combined with the plain sheets and her snow-white skin, generated a great contrast with her raven tresses. Looking at her was akin to getting a glimpse of an entity that was far too ethereal for the mortal realm.
There was a strange sensation in his chest, almost as if his breath was caught midway. He repressed the urge to scowl. It was beyond vexing that she was blissfully ignorant of the effects she was having on him.
Very few individuals could claim that they had witnessed a show of emotion — save for various degrees of annoyance and anger — from the almighty Lord of the West, Sesshomaru. Even fewer could crow that they were able to elicit said display. From that standpoint, what the saint — the miko — had managed was phenomenal. For the woman had not only triggered a response from the apathetic demon lord but also made him feel constantly and unfailingly.
Born a conqueror, he was supposed to be an illustrious ruler. Positioned well above everyone else, he was not meant to be moved by the bonds that the mortals indulged in. After all, holding any form of affection towards others was how his father had fallen. His father's demise was engraved into him, a permanent scar that warned him to never make the same mistake. Thus, he trained his body and mind to become as sturdy as a diamond.
In a hypothetical world of his design, he would have lived his life as the legendary solitary ruler impervious to everything. Alas, that was not reality. In his interior was the existence of a typhoon of emotions that demanded notice. And in the center of the raging storm were relief, concern, frustration, and melancholy.
The discovery of the saint's identity had melted the diamond.
While his first impression of her would forever appear banal and their tales were not always painted by exhilaration, he realized that no amount of time could expunge the vivacity of her in his reminiscences. From their first encounter to his gradual fascination, the time spent with her had gradually found a home in his heart, subsisting regardless of his negligence.
Endeavors to abolish the ruminations of their past, to shove them into the recess of his mind, had been ineffective. In retrospect, he should have known the futility. Someone like Hijiri — no, Kikyo — was difficult, if not impossible, to forget. That woman was the epitome of might, beauty, self-assurance, and compassion. Radiating with abundant power to destroy even the strongest that opposed her, yet also possessing a benevolent temperament for nurturing the weak. Perhaps this distinction was what amplified her appeal to the point that not even Sesshomaru, the aristocratic assassin, could resist.
All in all, his deliberations gave birth to a crucial conclusion: his affection for her remained puissant, even after all this time. He supposed that was a given, considering how natural he felt around her. What was intolerable, however, was that Kikyo had not felt as strongly as he did. Rather than embracing the future that they could have shared, she had discarded their bond in favor of gratifying the people.
Rage. He should have erupted with rage that would have incinerated her sleeping form. But as he had categorized, anger was not one of the primary feelings coursing through him. Despite frustration being palpable, it was akin to a speck of dust compared to the once blazing wrath that had consumed him on Mt. Hakurei. Time might have done nothing to liberate him from the memories of the saint, but it did mollify the vengeful bitterness that had been wedged in him.
Right now, it was the concern for her welfare that dangled at the forefront of his thoughts. Tranquil as the miko seemed, he longed to see her awake with vivaciousness in her posture.
Leaning forward from his seated position, he stretched out his thumb and index finger to fleetingly brush against her pale cheek. Gentler than the light-as-a-feather contact were the whispered words that he uttered. "Wake up, Kikyo. I wish to see you awake."
Kikyo, as if hearing his request, showed the first sign of stirring as she parted her lips to give a low moan-like mumble. "Forgive me… Sesshomaru…"
Overflowing relief shimmered in his typically inexpressive eyes.
"Forgive me… Sesshomaru…"
Kikyo was pulled out of her dream-like reminiscences. Her eyes fluttered open in an attempt to systematically assess her surroundings. Her vision, however, remained blurry.
Not one to wholly rely on her sight, she was quick to utilize her other senses. Her mind took a brief note that she was on soft mattresses, donned in fabric with a texture dissimilar to her miko outfit, and with her wrists alleviated from the weight of metal cuffs. The conspicuous sensation that yanked most of her focus was the wound on her right shoulder. It throbbed miserably, though that was no revelation given that she had plunged a dagger into her flesh prior to Sesshomaru interfering. As deranged as the deed seemed, it was obligatory to retrieve the Shikon Jewel.
If there was a lesson that Tsubaki unwittingly taught her, it was that wearing the artifact around her neck and keeping it hidden under her clothes was not foolproof. What she needed was somewhere cloistered, close by, easy to access, and particularly inconspicuous.
"Feeling remorseful, Hijiri? Or does the name Kikyo resonate with pertinence?" A familiar voice — far more gelid than from her memories — served as the bucket of water that washed away any forms of musings.
Twisting her head around, the rush of blood from her quickened heartbeats cleared the last of her disorientation and she saw the Lord of the West. Seated on a chair next to the bed and with strands of his lustrous hair acting like curtains to the back support, he was as exalted as his title suggested.
Silence descended as their gaze locked. This was an apt chance to assess him, though she unwittingly found herself wasting it by staring at him. His golden eyes… It was akin to beholding the wondrous cloudless sky above and being in awe of the radiant sun that exuded its indescribable brilliance. The mental part that made her a human woman was entranced, ensnarled by the sight. But the miko side of her was not so blinded by it that she missed the cumbersome emotions burning with the sun. His once steel-cool pools were rippling with a fiery passion, betraying what was hidden behind his impassive features.
She broke free from the stare-off by turning her head towards the ceiling and closing her eyes. Despite having slept for what she surmised was many hours, she was still weary to the bone. "The Hijiri you know is in the past, Sesshomaru. In this day and age, seldom do I use that name. I have not been called Hijiri since you invaded the east and killed the Lord of the East. I am Kikyo, a miko with a sworn allegiance to the east, and a burning vengeance fueling my heart."
"Hmph. So you say. Yet, you squandered the perfect opportunity when you released Bakusaiga's seal. You are no more committed to my demise than your pretense of nonchalance. You have proven so time and again." He sounded unimpressed, giving the vibe that he was privy to a crucial piece of information and was making a show of hanging it in front of her.
She pitted him with a stern look, knowing better than to respond. Instead, she wagered that she was more patient. If he wanted to prove her wrong, then he was not going to get the satisfaction of having her ask for it.
A few minutes ticked by until the daiyoukai got fed up. Angling his chin to regard her with the utmost contempt, he said dogmatically, "Denial, silenced or otherwise, is unbecoming of you. They say dreams are a manifestation of reality, born from the deepest recesses of one's subconsciousness."
Not in the mood for whatever game he was playing, she twisted his sentence back at him with a snide remark. "Loquacity, intentional or otherwise, is unbecoming of you."
If he was annoyed, he gave no indication and instead continued as if there had not been an interruption. "Your incognizant apology revealed your repentance, Kikyo."
'Apology?' For a transient moment she was perplexed. Then she remembered that she had been having dreams of the past. More specifically, dreams that ended with her remorse being the most predominant emotion.
'My lament… I must have enunciated it despite being unaware...' She would have groaned had she been any less self-disciplined. This was why she loathed non-prophetic dreams. She could tolerate the random ones inspired by the daily events. Yet, more often than not, they forced her to confront aspects of her life, to relive segments that caused her suffering. The exact cause was a mystery, though she speculated that Magatsuhi was responsible for them.
She gave a tired sigh, keeping it so low that it was inaudible to Sesshomaru's keen ears. What the daiyoukai said was the truth; she could not deny it. However, she must not affirm it either. To feel remorse would imply that at least a part of her believed and yearned for the future that they could hypothetically have. That would only offer him mendacious hope that would inevitably be trampled over.
She knew, all along, that they could not be together. Fate had decreed it. It was written long before they even met.
What is it that the world has? Know that it has accumulated the despair from the four kokuho.
What is it that the world needs? Know that it needs the Holy Entity, the keeper of four souls.
What is it that the world seeks? Know that it seeks the True Ruler, the bearer of fangs.
What is it that the world wants? Know that it wants a bitter conclusion to this foolish tale.
The augury of old had foretold the meeting of the True Ruler and the Holy Entity. The latter was meant to become the key to the former's vision of the world. To Sesshomaru, the prophecy presaged his rise to power. But to her, it was the sentence for her execution. Her end was assured, she had seen such a future with her powers.
Curling into a ball to suppress the numbing coldness coursing through her, her mind flashed with images that loitered from the effect of touching the Lord of the West. It was metaphoric: two souls were submerged in an ocean of weapons, with one of them caught on fire. Vague as it was, Kikyo began to piece together clues of what she saw.
In the beginning, her interactions with Sesshomaru held little relevance to her role, for it was the Inu no Taisho who the Heavens had ordained to be the chosen one. Her partnership with the True Ruler was supposed to be distantly professional. It was… until the son inherited the title from his late father and sparks of fervor formed between them. She had been so young and reckless. An undying miko like her should not have forged any attachments. She ought to have been more careful. She knew. She was fully aware. Yet, she fell for him, the True Ruler, all the same.
Even now, her brain had yet to catch up with how things had evolved to be so... animated between them. To begin with, their ideologies were like mixing fire with water.
Despite possessing the capability to regard the world at a higher altitude than most, they contrasted in their means. Sesshomaru was the raging lightning that ripped the lands asunder while she was the pacific wind that blessed them. He was an insensitive conqueror of the land, apathetic towards the weak and striving to battle the strong. She roamed the lands as an itinerant, solicitous about the people while praying for some semblance of normalcy in her life.
As far as they shared similarities, their differences were equally great. Yet, their bond had transcended time and they met once more because — Why? Surely the gods reaped no benefit, letting the hearts of the True Ruler and the Holy Entity be distracted.
'May this be a situation that even the gods cannot control? No, that cannot be. At the very least, the gods hold my chain cautiously. Once, I believed it was possible to overcome the tribulations of fate… yet that was merely a fatuous hope born from pitiful naivety...' She terminated the notion, averse to ponder deeper while her current mentality was inapt from the strenuous workload.
In the time it took her to pull away from her contemplations, mere seconds had passed in reality. Thus, she feigned calm and responded to Sesshomaru. "It was but a momentary lapse of weakness. You should dismiss it. It will not happen again."
"So be it." Having expected anger and disdain, his atypical placidity threw her off. Although she was now armed with accessible recollections to infer his behavior, she still found the task to be onerous. It seemed centuries of being the imperturbable and merciless demon lord had made him ostensibly more unreadable.
The more she mulled over the esoteric being that was Sesshomaru, the more she felt exhaustion creeping in. At the moment, she wanted nothing more than to sleep. Her eyelids closed, only for them to be reopened in astonishment when the daiyoukai seized her chin and turned her head towards him.
"I have indulged you for far too long. My patience is not infinite." He stood imposingly by the bed, having pushed his chair back as he straightened his form.
In retrospect, she should not have been startled. It was just so Sesshomaru-like to utilize the given opportunity without any clemency. They were both aware that as fatigued as she was, her customary tenacity would be no match for his persistence.
"Now, answers," he demanded, "It is your answers I seek here. Rest shall only be granted to you after I am satisfied."
The glare she sent him could have made anyone else flinch. All it did to him was prompt his deliberations as he nonchalantly released his hold on her. The wrath that ignited her mahogany pools was much like the glower that she had directed at him back then:
Sesshomaru took his time assessing the miko who lay in a supine position on the ground. He detected her ragged breathing, rapid heartbeat, and distress. Her sweet scent, unfortunately, mixed with blood and sweat, assailed his nostril in waves. Her heavy eyelids were opened under his evaluation, and despite her debilitating condition, she gave him a murderous stare. There was none of the intensity from earlier on. Nevertheless, it would still have made many youkai, excluding him, shudder had they been near.
He could remember the sight vividly. Back then, there was no room for any emotion other than undiluted rancor. It served as the distinction to the look she was giving him now. While it was anything but friendly, he could perceive the sorrow and yearning mixed in. Unlike the transient occasions where she had expressed subtle conflicting emotions, this was of a noticeable magnitude. Something drastic within her had changed. It was as if a new source of stimulation had surfaced and was riling her emotions.
He tilted his chin, an allusion of genuine curiosity latching onto his voice. "I discerned no deceit from you, feigning the stranger you were. You truly believed I was an enemy. The change in your demeanor only seemed to occur recently, concurrent to the signs of recognition."
Kikyo blinked. She supposed it was a reasonable 'question' to ask, though she did not think it warranted being the first on the list. Then again, it had been established countless times that Sesshomaru had a flair for being unpredictable.
"That was no act. Since our parting, I had sealed away the memories of our time to escape certain peril. I did not foresee that those memories would return… upon being informed of your critical condition," she paused, noticing her mistake. She had allegedly disclosed just how much Sesshomaru affected her mentality. Even when she held no fond recollections of him, her heart still heeded the call of his distress and abandoned the ploy for vengeance.
This unconscious yearning… It was from their bond. It had lasted the weathering of the ages, bringing them into each other's lives once more. Sealing her memories was only a short-lived solution, one that merely created an illusion of peace until his reappearance shattered it.
Hiding a frown behind a contemptuous smirk, she added, "You're fortunate that the timing was opportune for you. The west would not be celebrating their victory otherwise. They would have been mourning for their lost monarch."
"Hmph. You were necessary for the awakening of Bakusaiga." He slid a finger over said weapon's hilt, his sleeve brushing across the other two swords also kept secured with his obi. "But do not fatuously presume I needed the assistance. I would have purged my body of the jaki with my power."
"As usual, your arrogance knows no bounds. Since you appear so committed to self-admiration, this is an ill time for an interrogation," she commented dryly.
That induced a sneer from the stoic demon lord. "It is my power that knows no limits. Do not mistake my strength for mere egotism. And I am not through with you. Far from it. You owe me clarifications. The artifact you claim to be guarding. Who? Who imposed it upon you?"
"Fate. It is fate that binds my soul to the Shikon Jewel. I serve as its guardian, its vessel, and the avatar of Naobi that countervails Magatsuhi." Leaving it cryptic would have been preferential, though it would not appease her interrogator. Sesshomaru might be above throwing a tantrum out of discontent but he was still petty enough to ensure that she would not be getting the rest she craved until she relented. "The jewel is an artifact left by the gods, an assemblage of the world's evil. It tempts those with desires, promising power, glory, and immortality. In truth, it is nothing more than a cursed bringer of calamity. That is why I am entrusted to purify it and stave off those who seek to abuse its power."
Sesshomaru took the information in stride, immediately using what he learned to draw conclusions. "The kuro miko sought the jewel to become immortal. I see why she harbored an intense hatred towards you. Your ageless form incentivized her envy and obsession. And yet, she failed to discern that your perpetual state is flawed. Souls of the deceased are needed to sustain your body. They are the price you have to pay for immortality."
Kikyo had to suppress the urge to frown with revulsion. Immortality. That was the pinnacle of desire for countless. Death was the largest obstacle that all mortals would ineluctably face. The fear of death was imprinted deep into the soul. It drove even the most valor to zealously search for means to circumvent it. Youkai were not immune to the natural phenomenon either. Their ageless nature was restricted to their bodies as their mind and soul could be wilted by the years. Compared to a human's, their soul was fragile and would ultimately disintegrate should the demon lose their sense of identity and purpose. As a matter of fact, their appearance became the physical manifestation of their mentality after a certain point in their adulthood. In comparison, humans were blessed with perpetual souls that enabled them to be reincarnated, yet lacked the congruous vessel that could contain them forever.
'A youkai-like vessel to keep my human soul eternally trapped in this world… It is what the gods intend. That is why I am neither a human nor a demon. My existence is unnatural.'
"The Shikon Jewel, the source of my plight, has been engraved into my soul so deep that it leaves a physical scar on my shoulder." With a subconscious movement, she reached out to gingerly touch the inflicted area. There was a flare of pain, followed by a sense of déjà vu. Only two months or so had passed since she was stuck in a similar situation where she had to disclose her condition. What made it even more of a challenge this time was that instead of the confused but curious look Inuyasha regarded her with, she was being evaluated by a pair of austere eyes from the hanyou's older brother. "Nonetheless, I continue to exist in this realm by the gods' will. My Shinidamachu gather souls to strengthen mine. All to endorse the spiritual powers I require to keep the jewel purified."
"Is that so?" The Inu prince she knew would have tilted his head in reflection, though the Lord of the West merely maintained his unwavering stare. There was an unreadable glint that flashed in his eyes as he made a sharp gesture at her injured shoulder. "You may have explained the abnormalities I sensed in the cell but not what you were intending to accomplish through inane self-harm."
"Accomplish? It's almost like I'm weaving a nefarious ploy. Not everything needs to be complicated, Sesshomaru," she retorted in a small attempt to derail the topic.
"Perhaps." Kikyo nearly arched an eyebrow at his reply. There it was again — he was agreeing with her. Ever since he had discovered her identity, she could tell that he was being as amiable as someone like him could. The disparity in treatment was as contrasting as the day was to night. But this new approach, to step back instead of confronting her when she became defensive, perplexed her. An annoyed Sesshomaru was easier to predict. An impassive, patient, and composed Sesshomaru was anything but readable. It also meant that he could take full advantage of her bemusement. Just when had he devised such an obnoxious strategy against her?
A sudden knock yanked their sights toward the sound.
"My lord, may I come in?"
"Enter." Upon acknowledging the voice, Sesshomaru returned to keeping the miko in his sights. He did not want to take his eyes off her, lest she disappear if given the chance. Never would he lose her again.
The door slid open and from Kikyo's angle, she could see the physician who was about half her height step into the room. He was donned in the same white kimono with a light violet dôbuku that she had first seen him in. In his hands was a bowl of freshly brewed concoction.
"Give it to me," Sesshomaru mandated, one arm stretched out.
"Yes." Masayoshi's blindness did not hinder him in the slightest as he navigated with his other senses until he was a step away from his ruler. "This is the first batch, my lord. It should help with the pain. There are two more left. The next one is in the morning."
Storing the information, he saw no other reason for Masayoshi to linger. "You have served your current purpose. Leave us."
"I understand." With a swift bow, the healer retreated and left the two in the room.
"You had another prepare a nostrum? How surprising," the miko commented. The bitterness from the mixture of herbs assaulted her sense of smell. While she wasn't keen on ingesting it, she could use it to alleviate the scorching torment that was her shoulder.
"Masayoshi claimed it would assuage you of pain. I do not see why it is necessary." Rather than give the medicine to her as she had expected, the Inu lord placed the bowl on the chair behind him. "I am curious if you will learn from the pain. What you attempted with the dagger is the epitome of folly for the sensible mind."
"Folly?" There was an arch of an eyebrow. The implication was not lost to her. Perchance it was the fog of exhaustion clouding her mind but she suddenly found herself mulling over and agreeing with the possibility. "Who knows? But perhaps you're correct. At times, I do feel as if I'm drifting in a sea of contradictions. My rationale told me I should have ended you given the chance. Yet, I could not… I healed you, despite knowing fully what the consequences were."
"Is that regret I hear? Or is it your conscience speaking?" Sesshomaru's eyebrows knitted and his voice reached a new degree of terror, rumbling low like thunder that forewarned a lightning strike. "You have yet to learn that nothing matters but your own desire. You carry conflict because you care for others. You have power rivaling that of my caliber. We, the strong, ought not to be compromised. The world obliges our desires. We do not bend our whims to others."
Armed with power and wits, Sesshomaru wasn't at odds with letting his primal instincts express their needs. So long as his caprices did not hinder him, then there was no reverence in denying himself fulfillment. If they did, then he would simply use cold logic to amend the quandary or forcefully subdue the cause.
His mindset operated based on placing himself in a sovereign position. Hence, he would never comprehend her struggles. As self-centered as his way of life was, Kikyo could understand it. He lived as he pleased, free of the restrictions that he believed should only confine the weak or the asinine. That was what distinguished his choices from hers. Never did he hesitate or consider anyone else. In comparison, she lived a life chained to the people's expectations and her fear of failing her obligations.
Getting into a tirade about desires and responsibilities was one of the last things she wanted. Still, she felt like she had to add her perspective on the topic. "The world would fall into ruin if all behave like you do. My duty is of higher precedence. I cannot disrupt the lives of others for my satisfaction. That is why I parted ways with you and why I used my own body to conceal the jewel."
Even supposing that Sesshomaru was offended, then it was only for a fleeting moment. His interest was taken elsewhere. "The jewel. You could have sealed it as you had with Bakusaiga. Yet, you elected a method that required force for its retrieval. What were you thinking?"
She let out another soundless sigh, feeling more exhausted as the grilling inquiries dragged on. Circumventing the issue was what she would have done, but at this point, she just wanted to get everything over and done with. "The jewel was never meant to be extracted, unlike Bakusaiga. No one was supposed to find it. However, my powers were weakened when I reneged on a spiritual pledge by coming to your aid. I must retrieve the jewel so that it can be passed on to its next protector before the evil within can corrupt me."
"You could have relinquished it to your successor..." Sesshomaru trailed off, his eyebrows stretching downward to an extremely dangerous level.
He needn't say anything else. The accusation was clear: Why did she abandon their future, especially when she could have resigned? Even after centuries, her decision to separate still weighed heavily on his mind.
Providing him with a straightforward answer was the least she could do, despite knowing that he would be beyond livid. Anyone would, after all. "I have been the guardian for a long time and realized it is not a fate I wish to befall upon any soul." A humorless smile descended on her countenance as she passed him a meaningful look that carried substantial emotional weight. "Nonetheless, the Shikon Jewel must be protected, even after my demise. As you've said, you and I are of the same caliber. You are the only individual I have encountered that possesses the strength, in mind and body, to—"
"You wish to die?" he cut in, his tone irascible. As the pieces clicked together, the initial disappointment that could be faintly detected was superseded by ire. "You plan to die. You intend to leave me with the cursed jewel. Like Father, you have embedded a fragment of your essence into Tenseiga for a purpose. Father, to prevent harm from befalling Inuyasha. And you, to anchor your precious jewel to me."
Considering the information he had to work with, she could not help but be impressed that he had almost pieced everything together. What he lacked was the knowledge that the parts of his soul — excluding his Aramitama — did not qualify him to be the next guardian. Thus, her plan was to make him a temporary placeholder until the next in line to represent Naobi was chosen.
Survival instincts barred her from vocalizing her intention though, for his anger was flaring for the first time since she woke up. His demonic energy rapidly condensed. Like a fierce avalanche, it pressed down on her, suffocating her with its frostiness. She involuntarily sucked in a breath but said nothing.
His hands rolled into shaking fists, his nails biting deep into his palms. Specks of crimson dotted his vision as a red sheen threatened to overtake the white in his white irises. How dare they!? These two individuals, who Sesshomaru considered irreplaceable, would abandon him for what they deemed was for the greater good. Moreover, they would leave behind a piece of themselves to influence him in order to further their goals.
It was taking all of his self-discipline to suppress his temper, to not lash out at the one before him. Inhaling a lungful of air, he took in her pallid complexion and her vulnerability. He had to control himself. Just as she had cast aside her drive for retribution and instead assisted him, he too would extinguish his spite. For all of the emotional turmoil that existed between them, there was one common notion that was paramount: they did not wish to hurt each other.
His youki abated as his composure returned, along with the white in his eyes. Time had changed him. He was not the same oblivious juvenile centuries ago. He refused to lose the one he cared about again. No matter the means, he forbade her from leaving him.
"Hmph. You won't die," he said, his voice cold and hard. "If your intention is to die, then mine is to ensure that you live until the end of time. I shall extricate your fate from the burden that is the jewel, confiscate it, and have you by my side, alive and well. The circumstance that confines you to the west has not changed. You are mine, will remain mine, for me to deal with as I desire." A cold sneer manifested on his countenance. To accentuate his control over her, he grabbed her chin once more and jerked it harshly to the side and back before letting her go.
It was Kikyo's turn to feel indignation. She was about to object to being treated like a prized trophy when the trigger of her vexation half-climbed onto her bed, one knee pressing down on the edge. Scarcely was there any time to blink away her confusion before he tossed her sheet aside and encircled her left wrist with his index finger and thumb.
"Release me." Her mental alarms rang, prompting her to try to wrench herself free. Alas, his grip was unyielding. With his free hand, he seized her right wrist to do the same. Disinclined to aggravate her injury, she was forced to keep her arms still until he was contented. Then without another word, he let her go and straightened himself.
"What have you done?" she asked, partially demanded.
The answer came seconds later when he snapped his fingers. Two familiar bracelets materialized around where he had touched her, pulling her arms in as the metal bands merged to form a pair of handcuffs.
"Sesshomaru!" The reality that she was once again in chains fueled her with loathing. Worse, there was no extension this time, her arms tightly locked together. "This is scandalous! Kill me if you must, but I will not stand this mockery!"
"Settle down. The manacles are not for your humiliation. They serve as a precaution and will stay unless I say otherwise. Your self-harm tendency ends now," he replied nonchalantly. If she did not know better, then she would have thought that he enjoyed playing the role of an unconventional doctor that kept defiant patients trussed up on the bed.
In an act of recalcitrance, she gave her restraints a few experimental twists but it was all for naught. Similar to her previous shackles, the cuffs were designed to be durable. With little energy to spare, her fire waned into enervated exasperation.
"This solves nothing. As a matter of fact, the manacles will instigate more complications." She gestured towards the bowl with her hands as best as she could. "For one, I cannot use utensils. Unless you intend to starve me — for I refuse to be fed like a child — pray tell, what is your ingenious solution?"
It was mortifying enough that he was keeping her bound. She was not going to let him rob her of her independence. The idea of having someone assist her with the essentials was unthinkable. Call it pertinacious pride, but she would starve to death before she allowed that to happen.
"You will be granted freedom at scheduled intervals. I shall ensure you have adequate time to attend to your basic needs. As for the medication, there is an alternative if you do not wish to be fed like a child." Without waiting for a reply, the daiyoukai grabbed the bowl on the chair and brought it to his lips. Nonchalance was plastered all over his features as he took the dark substance into his mouth before leaning forward with no regard for her personal space. One of his arms scooped her into a half-sitting position, his hand on her back and her head around his elbow. His other hand then proceeded to secure her in place by seizing her chin.
Immobilizing her, he captured her lips with a domineering passion befitting of one with supreme ascendancy. Kikyo's eyes widened in undiluted shock and she let out a soundless gasp. Exploiting the opportunity, he applied some pressure to her chin to keep her mouth open. Lukewarm liquid slipped into her throat. Despite her state of stupor, she managed to swallow the content without choking on it due to Sesshomaru maintaining a steady calculative flow.
It was not until the last droplet was transferred that Sesshomaru placed her head back on the pillow and returned to his full height. Like an emperor looking down at his favorite subject, he allowed the time to examine her flabbergasted expression with a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.
"Effective," he murmured, the tip of his tongue just visible at the corner of his lips as he gave the aftermath some thought. "I see why such ingenuity may have its appeals. The ancillary effect of rendering you, of all people, inarticulate makes it a practical technique."
"..." Speechlessness was an understatement. She was dumbfounded. Her brain had malfunctioned due to the heat gathering around her face. Nonetheless, she was a miko, and adaptability was one of her indispensable traits. Rebooting her brain and recollecting her wits slowly, her first sensible, albeit superfluous, notion was that Sesshomaru had just enacted the role reversal of an event in their past. He had given her a taste of her own medicine, and in a literal sense no less.
"—And rest well. Tomorrow, we will return to the Western Palace without my infantry. I shall confer on you a solution to retrieve the jewel that is far more pertinent than yours." By the time she was able to break out of her daze, the Lord of the West had finished all that he wanted to say and she was only able to register the last part before he spun on his heels, walked over to the door, pulled it open, and exited.
And just like that, the daiyoukai was gone… A random musing flashed by unbidden. What was the likelihood that Sesshomaru had hit his head while she had been unconscious? There was no justification for the absurd state he had left her in. How dare he tie her up, trap her in his room, amble out as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred, and expect her to rest well?
'Damn you, Sesshomaru!' Filled with resentment, she tussled with the bindings some more until fatigue subjugated her pertinacity. With her hands awkwardly positioned, she finally drifted off to a night of shallow but much-needed sleep.
More Author's Notes: I hope this chapter lived up to everyone's expectations. Everything major related to SessKik's past and present conflicts is here on the table, with the veil ripped off.
In the next chapter titled "Unraveling the Past", we will be returning to Inuyasha, who has a long trailing list of questions that he is demanding answers to from Sesshomaru.
Inuyasha: Finally! It's about time we get back to the unfinished business I have with that bastard. It's been 20 chapters since then!
Thank you all for reading! Leave a review if you've enjoyed it. Support, feedback, and/or criticisms are all welcomed. Hoping that the story will reach its 250th review soon.
Until next time!