Jennie

I didn't move away from the window until the front door slammed and Nayeon pounded up the staircase.

I couldn't be sure what I'd seen. If Lisa had kissed her just now on the front lawn, it'd looked innocent enough, a peck on the lips. What did that mean? There was no connection between them. I knew that, but did Nayeon?

I went into our adjoining bathroom and made some noise, hoping Nayeon would invite me into her room. When she didn't, I knocked.

"What?" Nayeon asked.

"Can I come in?"

"What do you want?"

I opened the door. Nayeon sat on her bed with her address book open and the receiver of her see-through, touchtone phone in her hand. "I'm trying to find something to do tonight."

"I thought you were going out with Lisa?"

"Does it look like I am?"

"What happened?"

At this point, the conversation could go two ways. Either she'd kick me out and accuse me of being nosy, or she'd spill her guts. I was hoping for the guts. Did Lisa ask her the kinds of questions she asked me? About music, books, fancy dishware? I couldn't picture them talking about those things. When I had Lisa's attention, there was no room for anyone else.

The dial tone began to beep. With a sigh, Nayeon hung up the phone and flopped backward onto the bed. "She wanted to hang out. We almost went back to her place, but she has to work early."

My face warmed. What I wouldn't give to see where she lived, what kinds of things she thought important enough to put on her shelves. What color were her sheets? What other books were on her shelves? Did she put photos on her nightstand? If Nayeon went there, she'd get to see all that before me. I walked a little more into the room. "Are you going to see her again?"

She reached up and flicked the corner of her Nirvana poster. "I don't know."

I stood taller. I wasn't surprised. I knew it was coming. I'd always assumed the two other guys Nayeon had brought home to dinner had broken up with her right after, but maybe it was the other way around. "Really?" I asked.

"Don't get me wrong. Lisa's super-hot, and she's nice to me. But she's like an old man. She works and has classes and goes to bed early and takes things slow." She yawned, turning her head to me. "I thought college guys would be different, you know? Fun and cool."

I nodded as if I understood. In reality, Lisa was the coolest person I knew because she didn't care one bit about being cool. "So you're going to dump her?" I asked, trying not to sound hopeful.

"No. If I don't want to see her anymore, I just won't pick up her calls." She sat up and fixed her hair in the reflection of her mirrored closet. "You saw Chanyeol today?"

I was still wondering what it'd be like to have Lisa call me in the first place. "Who?"

"Chanyeol. Hello? Hottest guy in your school? You saw him at the beach?"

I blinked a few times. Had that only been this morning? "Um. Yeah. How'd you know?"

"I talked to him."

"When?"

"On the phone."

"He called?" I asked.

"Yep. While I was changing. I told him to call back because we were about to have dinner."

"Did he ask for me?"

"Why?" she asked. "Do you like him?"

"No." It came out defensively, a reflex more than an answer. I'd spent the last couple years wanting nothing to do with the boys at my school. Now that I knew Lisa, who wasn't anything like them, I was even less interested. But Chanyeol seemed different, too, like he was listening when I spoke instead of trying to see down my top. "I mean, I do like him," I said. "But just as a friend. You?"

"Do I like Chanyeol? He's only seventeen. Way too young for me." She flipped through her address book. "And it's not really sexy when a guy likes you too much. That's basically why I could never date someone like Chanyeol."

"I thought you said he had a small crush on you a while back."

"He did, but who knows if it was more? I just think it's weird that he's suddenly interested in you."

I had no idea what to say to that. Chanyeol hadn't brought up Nayeon at the beach, but maybe he did still have a thing for her. I didn't care either way. "I've never liked a guy who liked me back."

Her expression softened. "Don't worry, it'll happen. Especially when you get tits." She giggled. "Sorry. Don't use that word. It's gross. My friends always say it, but that doesn't mean you should."

Nayeon didn't get motherly often, but when she did, it was nice. Like she was looking out for me. "Okay. I won't. And thanks for saying the pie wasn't soggy earlier."

"It wasn't. I ate the whole piece and you know how I am about calories."

I smiled. Giving me her calories was a compliment. I had the sudden urge to hug my sister. It'd been a weird night. Some bad things had happened, like the fighting and the possible kiss, but it could never truly be bad because time spent with Lisa was time getting to know her. It was true even when we didn't speak.

And now that Nayeon was losing interest, I'd have her back. At least until school started. After that, I wasn't sure.

I was about to embrace Nayeon when a loud, sudden knock on the door made us both jump.

"Nayeon?" Dad asked.

As when anyone came to her room, Nayeon snapped at him, as if it was her programmed response. "What?" she asked.

He came in, saw me, and pointed to the bathroom door. "Go to your room, Jennie."

He was angry. Again. Normally, I wouldn't question him, but Nayeon had taken some of the heat tonight that should've been aimed at me. And I was feeling defensive of her. "Why?" I asked. "So you can be mean to her some more?"

My dad looked shocked. My first instinct was to apologize, but I didn't. I stayed where I was, my shoulders square.

"It's okay, Jennie," Nayeon said. "Just go."

I looked between the two of them. Clearly, they didn't think this involved me, but it did. It was about Lisa. So I went into the bathroom and pressed my ear to the door.

"What was that tonight?" Dad asked.

Nayeon didn't answer for a few seconds. "What do you mean?"

"You brought a stranger into my home. Someone who could be dangerous. You made your mother and sister go through the charade of making dinner and buying expensive wine. Why? What are you trying to prove?"

"Nothing—"

"She's a lowlife, smug construction worker who jumps from job to job. Once she's done with that house, she doesn't have to show up for work the next day. What's to stop her from rounding up her friends to rob us in the middle of the night and leave town?"

I gritted my teeth so hard, my jaw ached. That was completely unfair. Lisa had been nothing but respectful tonight. She'd even made an effort to look nice.

"She wouldn't do that, which you'd know if you'd given her a chance," Nayeon said. "But you didn't. You were so rude to her."

"Oh, please. You don't know anything about that person. You just want to fool around. When are you going to grow up? Do your friends get away with this kind of behavior?"

"You're overreacting."

"I don't want you seeing her again."

"You can't tell me what to do. I'm an adult."

"Then start acting like one. Get a job. Or don't, but if you want to keep living under this roof, you'll do as I say."

"Maybe I don't want to live here anymore."

"No? And where are you going to go with no money? If what you want is to screw around all day and shop and party, then find a partner who can afford to take care of you. I guarantee you won't find her on a construction site."

"You don't even care what I want," she said, her voice rising. "You just want me to roll over and do everything you say without questioning it. Like Jennie."

"You're nothing like Jennie," he snapped.

They went silent. My heart raced, as if I were there, standing in the room, only it was worse because I couldn't see anything. It was true—I did do everything my dad asked. And Nayeon did nothing he asked. I wished, for once, she would just try with him instead of deliberately pushing his buttons, getting him to say things to hurt her.

Dad spoke first. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"I know what you meant," Nayeon said. "I'm not Jennie and I never will be. If you don't like the choices I make, then kick me out. I'm not going to stop dating someone just because you tell me to."

"I will, Nayeon. Don't test me."

"You'd put your own daughter on the street?"

"If I did, it'd be for your own goddamn good. You need to learn—"

"Fine," she screamed so loud, I actually pulled away from the door. "I'll be gone in the morning."

After a few silent seconds, Dad's footsteps pounded the floor and a door slammed shut. My breath caught in my throat. Maybe Nayeon and I had our differences, but oh my God, I didn't want her to be homeless. I had no idea where she'd even go. Nayeon and I had grown up in this house, a bathroom apart. I stood there so long, listening to the silence, not breathing, I started to see stars.

I let myself into her room. "Nay?"

She was still sitting where she was when I'd left, staring at her door. "What?"

"Are you okay?"

She blinked a few times and turned to me. "Are you? You look like you've seen a ghost."

My hands shook. Nayeon tried so hard to be tough, but I knew she wasn't. Maybe I was the only one who knew that besides my mom. I couldn't imagine how it'd feel to be on the receiving end of those things Dad had said to her. I crossed the room and she opened her arms right as I launched myself into them. I was the one who started to cry.

"Stop," Nayeon said. She laid us back on the bed, petting my hair. "They're not worth crying over."

"Who?"

"Men."

"Even dad?"

"Especially dad."

I drew my eyebrows together. I wasn't sure what she meant by that. I'd heard her crying enough times after their fights. "Are you leaving?" I asked. "I don't want you to go. Please, just go apologize to him."

"I'm not leaving."

"But you said . . ."

"I've said it before. I wasn't serious, and he knows that. He's not going to kick me out."

I couldn't remember any of their arguments ending that way. It was as if Nayeon wanted to see how far she could push him. I looked up at her. "Why didn't you just tell him you'd stop seeing Lisa?"

"Because that's exactly what he wants. He's trying to control me and you and Mom."

"That's not true," I said. "He just wants what's best for all of us."

"For you and Mom, maybe. Me? He just wants to pretend I never happened. His life would be easier if I weren't around."

She said the words so simply, someone else might've thought they didn't affect her. That she didn't care. I knew she did, though. How could she not? He was her dad. Even after all the fights I'd witnessed, I couldn't believe she truly thought that. "He loves you," I said. "Things are just weird right now. When you find a job, he'll ease up."

"You don't know anything, Jennie. You're too young to understand. I'll never get the kind of job he wants me to. You will. I'm not going to be a doctor or a lawyer or any of those boring things. He can't stand that he's worked as hard as he has to give us opportunities just to have me waste mine."

Nayeon didn't even try. She'd barely studied, and she'd skipped a lot of classes, especially her senior year. I didn't know if I was smarter than my sister, but I definitely tried harder. "You could do whatever you want, Nayeon. If you apply yourself—"

"Shut up," she said without inflection. "You sound like dad. He says that all the time."

"But that fight could've been avoided," I pointed out. "You said you don't even like Lisa."

Nayeon blinked up at the ceiling, tilting her head. Her hair tickled my neck, but I just watched her. Her eyes roamed until she finally said, "I thought I didn't . . . but maybe I do."

My heart dropped. She couldn't just change her mind back and forth like that. "Why?" I asked. "Just because it makes Dad mad?"

"I don't know. Maybe. It just made me rethink the whole thing, like maybe I didn't give Lisa a real chance."

"That doesn't seem fair, using Lisa to get back at Dad."

Nayeon tore her eyes from the ceiling to look at me. She pushed me off and we both sat up. I thought she'd kick me out, but instead she looked right at me. "I guarantee Lisa has done worse than that to a girl. Someone like her don't care about women. They use them. The sooner you understand that, the better."

My stomach churned. Not Lisa. She wasn't that way. When I looked at her, spoke to her, we connected. She'd given me Birdy when I was sad. She'd returned my bracelet. She'd eat anything I made. In my gut, I knew—she was a good person. "I think it's the other way around," I said gently. "I've seen guys go crazy for you, and you just ignore them."

Nayeon smiled a little. "That's how you play the game. The truth is, they think they have power, but they don't. We do. Like tonight, with Lisa. When she wouldn't do what I wanted, I told her not to call me again and walked away. And you know what she did?"

My heart thumped. I knew. I tried to pretend I didn't, but I did. I'd seen it with my own eyes.

"She kissed me. She puts on a good show—for a while there, I didn't think she liked me at all. But she's just like every other person."

I knew in my heart that wasn't true, and maybe it made me a bad sister, but I didn't tell her so. I wanted Nayeon to believe Lisa was just another person, because then she'd treat her like one. She'd get what she wanted from her and move on.